JASON LEK

De one with Silent Prayers

2011-05-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

Silent night

Despite persistence to clutch our own destinies, certain things in life are uncontrollable. As much as I refused to make believe, perhaps the advices from friends and the soft voices from my personal guardian angels are speaking truth: It wasn't a good start from the beginning.

I have to move on.. it's will be an uphill task but its alright. I am determined.

De one with Easter Day

2011-04-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

Hallelujah

In courtesy of "Go out and Play"

It's unclear why this excitement and glee whenever I greet "Happy Easter Day" to others! Perhaps its the connotation from "Happy" or exuberant images of chocolate easter-eggs and bunny rabbits that swirled in my mind.

I accepted my ex-colleague's invitation to her special easter service held by her church which recently relocated to their new-bought property at Suntec City. Was bewildered by the large seating capacity. The stage was longer (when compared to the previous)... way much longer with gigantic LED screens that laid across the entire length of the stage. Perhaps its a special service, perhaps a combined service, you should have seen the crowd, it's almost equivalent to a densely filled national stadium. No kidding.

In courtesy of Ed Unloaded

The people who introduced themselves (mostly cell-group members) were even more friendly and hospitable than expected. It puts me to shame. I guess, being in church really develop one's character and self-confidence, in turn, enables you to carry yourself well and expand your social life. What's more, it's a blessing to be involved as part of a large "family". A family that gathers every week to share a similar course. Charming. Look around, admirable people dress well, speak well and hold their poise well.

If you're to ask, I love the distinct service, particularly the play "Centurion" exclusively put up by the drama ministry. Really awesome. The plots intertwined stories of different timelines. Marcus who was betrayed by his comrade Titus, sabotaged and was left to die in the battlefield. The battled and seriously wounded Marcus was kept prison-of-war for 3 years before escaping and was discovered and saved by Jesus Christ. Upon recovery, Marcus sort to get back to his then-fiancee Aurelia who was convinced her lover was dead and married by the treacherous Titus. Devastated to learn of Titus' betrayal, Marcus sought revenge on Titus. The Emperor discovers this and puppet-ted Marcus to prosecute Jesus in exchange for his parol of his crime. Jesus was crucifixed and resurrected Devastated from being used by the Emperor, losing Aurelia and his child (who were sent away by Titus) and overwhelmed with remorse for turning his back on his savior, the berserk-ed Marcus decides to take his own life. Fortunately, Jesus prevented Marcus and healed him and reunited him with Aurelia and their child. Touching story filled with love I must say. Albeit the creative mix, I think the messages that the drama was bring across were:

1) do not unto others what others have hurt you
2) understand the grace of Jesus who died to purge our sins
3) the underlying story behind Easter Day

In courtesy of CityWideHarvestChurch.org

All in all, I felt really glad. It's not just the skit, or that they had performed my favourite upbeat Christian song "He's Alive", I guess, its the joy of being somewhere, doing something that bears meaning and appropriate for the occasion. I mean, what's more fulfilling to attend service on Easter holidays?! Haha!

De one with 22 Days Later

2011-04-23T00:04:00.004+08:00

2+2 = 22, not 4.

No joke. I'm being stalked by someone who lurks within my shadows. The intangible stalker has a first name "bore", last name "dom" a.k.a. the "silent killer" (C.Kwek, 2011). Before I go on to elaborate further, here's a few pages from my post-resignation survival manual (which I believe most are eager and intrigued to read).

Page 1: MBS

Due to unforeseen external circumstances, I have literally donated a few bucks to Sands. Non-qualifying donation for tax purposes somemore. Ironically, what disappointed me most wasn't the financial loss. It was something more.. intangible. Everything was planned out and honest speaking, I was really really really looking forward to it. Not only because of the significance inaugural to my first day of temporary unemployment, it was the progressive movement towards bond-building and gleeful hair-let down, novice luxury hotel experience. Never had I expected the unexpected. The flame on the candle was pinched off just 11 hours after the light of day.

I didn't want to but admit defeat.. My weariness, disappointment caused some weeping. I felt really tangled. If Leticia Boningo has to read my mind: "Err.. you know, like Rapunzler (Rapunzel).. the Mickey mouse one (points to her disney t-shirt). Tangled. So sud (sad)."

Pages 6 - 10: Hong Kong affair

It's my third visit to Hong Kong. Only difference, I'm traveling solo (first was in 2006, to Melbourne). Well, company was different, not with good friend Mohan, not with colleagues but my bestest friend, Clara. Shopped and had bountiful of dim sum for one full night and day. The following two days to Disneyland (yes, I never got sick of the place simply because it's feels so happy over there!) and further last minute shopping. Albeit feeling sick of label-shopping, I touch my heart and satisfyingly endorsed this trip was a fulfilling one. Apart from roaming foreign land was someone close and fulfillment of trying "chicken rice" onboard Jetstar flight, I ventured further into my indulgence in food, accentuating passion for watches, better found sense of navigation and finally, embracing a sweet-surprise that arrived during the most unexpected hours.

I am not an atheist. I do believe there's the presence of God or a higher power. Fair enough, he works miracles in his own way. That being said, honestly speaking, I don't really know how to pray or even if I did (during times of trouble or good needs), doubts sneak in from the back of my head on whether I did it correctly? Not consoling myself but after-all, I guess religion prayers are subjective. Like presents, sincerity matters, regardless the means or end product. While certain things are difficult severing ties with, I prayed with might. Perhaps the angels have neglected me overseas, someone had better plans and something befall on me. A new seed had sprouted and bloom. It was truly what I needed more than anything.

Page 14: Hospital

A distant relative called to inform us of a departing kin. The situation became serious and got us really worried. It left me with no choice but to recall my aunt and uncle who had embarked on their trip abroad a few days before. Never really like the idea of visiting hospitals.. majorly because currently, I found myself admitting to hospital for major personal health reasons, not to mention the considerable time "wasted" while pending consultation and treatment phase. Yet, family calls. I had to be around, even if it wasn't a close relative. At current, it's a relief the storms have passed and situation turned out for the better. The kin survived the ordeal and is transferred out from ICU to normal patient's ward. Thank goodness.

Page 22: Good Friday

Apparently, things ain't as bad as they seemed. People kept asking how am I coping? Found a new job? While most find my current carefree life enviable, it isn't a rosy picture completely. It gets bored during some days. Yup. Stalked by "boredom", stubborn old fool, tagging along ever hour I spent alone at home or during sports. Furthermore, there's only some much I could do everyday. Other days not so. Especially today as I expect good company. There are certain personal matters to attend to at hand. Job search? Plans are in view. Execution to event next month. Although I'm not religiously bounded, I suppose I'll be blessed and His grace precipitates to tide me through the deserve and undeserved.

Happy Good Friday to all!

De one with Silver Lining

2011-04-02T16:35:00.001+08:00

Sunny out and rain in

When it comes to everything, identify the strength and weaknesses, costs and benefits. The ultimate goal is simple: To maximise goals and cut your losses.

I guess it's not mutual anymore. Alot of people are screaming "pull out"! But I pressed on, hoping the silver lining might appear just fine. "Patience is a virtue. Good things come to those who wait." No?

And you? I seriously don't know what's going on. A thousands burning questions but it doesn't matter now. Or my senses tell me so.

in courtesy of chewie2008~

The best things are not to reminisce on what's lost. But moving forward and having the grace to wish people the best in their future endeavors. If its meant to be, it will be. If not, it's best to put yourself together and part ways.

De one with Have's

2011-03-30T22:06:00.000+08:00

1 day before the last

There are always two sides to everything. The last time I felt the replica of this quasy feeling was when I graduated. You know, moving on and out from a place I'm super-accustomed to, where relationships are built, to somewhere else albeit I'll harvest better prospects. It's pretty sad.

Of course, we move on for the better. I guess I'll just have to stop all these clatters in my mind and walk bravely towards the exit to green pastures. Stationeries I used, my hand-writting, the chair I used to sit, relationships built can be left, memories and knowledge shall be packed away.

I know for the past few weeks I've been angst, complained and plus a tiny bit of whining. In fact, I was wishing time to past by faster! Guess the rush is over, I end up feeling dreadful. What an irony!

Well, wish me luck! Gain some, lose some. Omg.

De one with Get Out!

2011-03-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

Warmest Earth hours day

I have been keeping quiet from everyone. Am beginning to feel the pinch from having made hard decision to depart. Like drugs wading within the bloodstreams, its dauntingly affect my emotion and thoughts. Honestly, I dislike this totally. Disgusted. Urgh.

Least to mention, the hot weather's not providing any salvation. I need to get this out of my system. Need it now! Need it fast!

De one with Frustrated

2011-03-23T22:12:00.001+08:00

Eccentric weather

With much frankness, past week had been rather frustrating. I'm keeping my cool but the frustration is boiling within and god-knows-when the lid will reach its melting point.

Am afraid everyone wouldn't agree more: leaving shouldn't be a rush affair. On the contrary, it ought to be an amicable, decelerating process for the hand-over. Just this month alone is fairly depressing. Se-rious-ly. Yi po wei ping, yi po you qi. It's like a never-ending story! I'm perturbed by this. It all came so abrupt and uninvited without prior notice!

To aggravate the worse, I felt maligned. Especially by someone clouded with prejudice about you. Certain things just have to happen at wrong timing with the wrong person! In circumstances like this, do and I'm damned, do without and I'm damned. It's tormenting! *Hands up*, I just keep quiet and observe. Other times? I simply don't understand why humans, albeit created in God's image, have to pick against each other?! We are humans afterall, mistakes are inevitable. When you foresee the likelihood of problems what others can't, and you have the answer or chance to pre-empt the mistake, why don't you just tell me what's to be done in the first place, eradicate info-asymmetry than waiting to be pleased/watch the drama unfold? =(

I called upon my fellow "musketeers" who met for desserts and coffee. The night was young, they brought me to a chic bar on the rooftop. As long as there was drinks, chillout, i thought, "Why not?". Turns out, the service was ridiculously, adversely bad! What turned out to be euphorically mind-easing transformed into an aura of immersed negativity, swirling like a tornado, encircling me. The drinks and bill though FOREVER to come, as if they run out of paper or water or something. Boo.. I swore my face wasn't as black as the night blanket skies, deprived of stars. It's a rare phenomenon. Trust me.

I recall my RSM has this rubber stress-relieving gadget. How it works? You hold it in your palm and squeeze. By doing this, you channel all in-built stress into exerting force when squeezing. I guess we all need distraction to slimmer down. Violence doesn't solve anything. Just gimme a hug and I'll be alright. Awww...

De one with Fake

2011-03-14T21:58:00.000+08:00

Intimidating evening

Google images

Had an epiphany on my journey home. Without being emo, just figuring out what have I been doing to improve/enrich my soul?

Amongst so many things which I'll table below:
Activities and stuff...                                        Beneficial/improvement to...
1) Swimming, running, gym-exercise                Physical
2) Face-maintenance                                       Physical
3) Shopping                                                    Physical
4) Food    Energy
5) Bible reading and attending services              Spiritual
6) Reading                                                      Intelligence
7) Watching musical                                        Pysche

I sensed something's missing. What about the life achievements? Things like how I learnt to play the drum, the pride of belonging to a "one heart, one soul" group, the gratitude from balancing work and studies, be approached and respected for something I'm really good at.. What have I been accomplishing recently? Uneventful.

The search for food for the soul seemed to have been neglected. Conversation with people no longer intrigue my curiousity and eagerness to learn and remember details about what they've said. Not that I'm not listening, I am, just not so much about being able to converse like a social butterfly anymore. I get bored easily. Could it be a symptom of ageing? Or plain exhaustion from nights of deprived early sleep or rest?

Perhaps I've stopped schooling after graduation. There's no continual push to stimulate the brain to work. Brain juice appears to become stagnant given the mandate procedures and stress-coping at work.

Sigh, where is/are the avenues to invest passion in?! Helplessly feel like a dimlly-lit, flickering white candle, located within the mass of diverse-colored candles, all burning like trip-flares, fierce and bright.

De one with The Lion King

2011-03-13T23:23:00.001+08:00

Nants ing-onyama-bagi~thi baba (There comes a lion)

Sithi~uhhmm ingonyama (Oh yes, it's a lion)

Saturday evening was like a three-dishes course. Only in reverse sequence: Entree with desserts; followed by main course; and the end with anticipation of what's to come.

Dessert was definitely sweet and private, albeit having the next table just centimeters away. Perhaps it was start up and/or the presence of proximate audiences to our conversations, so the atmosphere was alittle still and quiet. But nonetheless, I must say with the first-time dinning experience at T.W.G, accompanied with an authentic pleasant tea-savoring and jotful dinning companion, the 30 to 40 minutes fared an overall 4/5 teaspoons.

From SplashMagazines

From Bam's blog

The curtain unfolds to reveal an African lady in hue make-up and obvious costume that gave her role away as Rafiki, the Baboon. Her bright voice announced the opening to the glamorous performance of "Circle of Life", a familiar tune that left a deep impression the very first time I watched Disney production in 1996. As if we're in an episode of Glee, the remaining cast, dressed up in elaborated animals costumes (there were herons, elephant, oryx, gazelle, giraffes, zebras, cheetah) flocked in through the aisles. The "Glee" technic. Haha.

I was impressed with the stage props actually. The glittering stars, fireflies bulbs, geyser eruptions, the trishaw gazelles, birds on kites. I love the scene of the stampede. The dimensional display of the approaching wildebeest was an eye-opener. It was like going for range and all the various size of targets are dancing on stage. And of course, the actors and actresses left a good impression with their powerful voices, singing familiar pieces composed by Elton John, musical by Hans Zimmer (one of my all-time favourite music composer). Special compliments goes to young Nala who had an incredible strong voice that appeals to the ear. They even present a few new songs (one rock-and-rock hyenas song, the others by grown Nala and Simba).

From A.M.Richardson

Finally, there were pretty humorous scenes. Particularly coming from Zazu (with his "Rasa sayang" song) and Timon (who roared the audience with his "Singlish")!

What wasn't very nice was certain parts fell short of expectations. The aircondition and seats weren't that fantastic. Stage's alittle too small. And certain scenes like "Can you feel the love tonight" should have been more romantic; the lioness crying with too long streams of ribbons..please; if only the magnificent prop of Mufasa spirit could move, woah, it'd have been better!!

With courtesy of Disney Dreaming

Overall, I'd give it a 3.5 bones for the musical. If only the programme book cost 10 bucks less, I might just give another 0.5 bone to the rating. Haha.

It was pretty late, so we headed home shortly after the show. I thought, that was the end but well, there was more to look forward to... Wonderful evening. The lion, dinner and home trip!

De one with Food (Part 1)

2011-03-06T21:54:00.001+08:00

Warm night

With global food prices rising at alarming rates, it is difficult not to blog something about it!

Although it appears Jason's easy-going with dinning experiences, those who know me well would probably tap you on the shoulder and convey that I'm pretty particular with food in fact. The office knows I dislike unhealthy food, especially those looks give the impression you're here for an oil-buffet; My closest friends worry when they bring me to buffets because I go for variety and not quantity; My family knows my never-changing favorites; even my exes take note of my affairs with food.

Perhaps it is best to clarify further. Picky "taste" doesn't equal demanding preference over food cuisines. In any case, I'd like to add a disclaimer clause (*grins*), I'm not a food critic, therefore do pardon my humble knowledge of food. It's limited! Haha

This blog on food shall come in two installments. The first focuses on the core aspects of food which I love, like, dislike and hate. The second will dwell on the types of cuisines I'd prefer. So yep, potential dinning buddies, kindly put on your spectacles if required, turn on your eye power and under desperate measures, feel free to take notes with your pen and paper readied.

When it comes to food, there are certain factors which ultimately determine our personal taste and preferences about food. I'd have to apply what I've acquired of marketing knowledge, twist a little bit to present the following "pull" and "push" criterias:

Price and bane list

When it comes to food, I'm certainly not into exquisite stuff. I reckon you'd recognise some without having me mentioning. Exquisite "delicacies" refer to abalone, snow-crabs, lobsters, sea-urchins, shark fins, monkey brains, bear's paws. I suppose the only exorbitant food off the bane list would be bird's nest (it's my personal remedy for cough).

Price is not an issue but affordable. Considering I'm not a food fanatic / someone being paid to taste, I guess it doesn't make sense to spend excessively over food that's gona be.. you know what I mean. Usually, it triggers the economist-mind in me to consider if the food's worth it's price. For example, a fish and chip from a hawker can't possibly cost 25 bucks. If it is, there better be a good combination that justifies its obviously over-pricing.

Texture

Texture of edible food is very important. If it's squashy or slummy, please refrain from serving it on a plate before me. Why pay for a meal that taste like cooked rubble bands or scrap tyres? Haha. So yup, I guess mushrooms (except jin zhen gu since it's a steam-boat must-have!), jelly-fish, sotongs (apart from calamaris) are definitely no no's.

Does that mean I'd draw boundaries with Mediterranean or seafood? Not really. It depends how those are cooked. Just don't have me something that requires me to chew for 10 minutes, the longer it lingers in my mouth, erm, i'd take twice the time to deliver it into my Oesophagus.

Oh oh! Anything with bones, fish bones especially! I hate it. It has nothing to do with a bad experience with choking. Never had it before. Don't wish to tempt with it either. It puts me off. While others are enjoying curry fish head, I guess I spend more time, dissecting and QC-ing the piece of fish to detect any camouflaged tiny weeny bones in the flesh at the corner of my plate.

Dry noodles are hazards to my throats and absurd. This is relevant to pastas and noodles which are deprived of sauces. Total turnoff.

Taste

Oh boy, safe to say Jason's pretty easy with tastes. Just not too overly salty. I don't wanna be a beneficiary of NKF donations fund (no offense meant). Sourness are only for beverage and fruits, and specially for tom yum soup. For everything else, unless there's any lemon used in the dish, it'd probably raise my eyebrows and ponder if the ingredients had gone bad?

Bitterness are intolerable. I always say "life is bitter enough, why eat something to make your life more bitter than it already is?!". I recall ordering the wrong vegetable from a "cai fan" store during JC. It turned out to be bittergourd! Omg. The weird taste lingered in my memory for almost a week before I regained the confidence to order any vegetables. Yes, it was horrifying.

Presentation

Would you eat something that looks like garbage? I'd probably would. Personal belief, it's no harm trying. I mean, don't judge a dish by it's presentation. That being said, it doesn't necessary mean if it's presented on a plate that's unhygienic or bears some disgusting insect corpse lying its glory on a bed of food that you're about to consume. These create an enigma. Remember the alarming news of roche or curry sauce that have maggots in it. Yuck. Its pain inflicted on our psyche. =X

At the end of the day, alot might argue presentation does matter. This is of high regard when a celebrity chef or some japanese customer is present. If it does, it's a bonus and appetite whetting. If it doesn't, don't throw the dish aside just yet. Efforts are invested to every dish prepared I'd think.

Ambiance

If I were to rate all these criterias, ambiance would probably rank third. No point being in a place that's awesome with the wrong company, undesirable environment. Deep-felt, I don't really like overly-crowded places, being surrounded in a clatter depresses me. I prefer quieter, soft-lighted places. Not necessarily having a restaurant involved. Sitting in a park, chewing packet food could fare as well as one with velvet chairs or posh tables.

Friendly staff is desirable. Of course, we can't expect the same from hawker centres. But I'd think basic politeness between a customer and vendor is primarily important. If service is bad, I'd probably walk out even before ordering anything.

Last by not least, smell of eating places are crucial too. Sitting at oil-smelling places cause me to feel nausea. Especially when you sit near char kwey tiao stores where the mist of evaporated oil blankets and suffocates you. Pepper lunch never fail to make me think twice. Once the oil stench gets on your clothes, it's a tough battle getting it off for what remains of your day. Good luck!

A creation of heart

If you bake me a cake or even buy something for me, I'll probably comment alot but 10 out of 10 times, I'd be supportive/appreciative to try and finish my share. That doesn't make you can make a guinea pig out of me yea. Its a polite gesture. And of course, I dislike rejecting people who are nice, subject to those with ulterior motives, strangers and quashy of course!

De one with Recent Break-Up

2011-03-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

Decisive

It is said we tend to recall the beginning when the end closes in on us. This... I won't beg to differ. As I typed the breakup letter, fresh memories recollect like the reassembling of a shatter glass in rewind.

The initial first few days with the company was dreadful and tiring. Coming from no accounting background, I was like a brittle blank page tiding against fast approaching winds. My first 8 official hours dwell around arduous 3 years of compilation, followed by another 3 years of audit on the same dormant company. It was so chaotic it left a deep impression: Struggling with chaotic accounting entries, coupled with tough battles with administration and drafting of reports. Urgh reports! There were approximately 15 pages within each report. Each page took me pains from repetitive amendments on the alignment of text, grammar mistakes, figures-tallying, text fonts size, line-spacing, boldness of lines. It was mentally draining. But Jason perserved.

I was terrible at the "language of business"- complete foreign to me. Just couldn't gasp or comprehend what these debits and credits mean?! Why expenses and assets are the former, why liabilities, equity and income, latter. That's not all! There were sub-categories under these major class. Horrible and messy experience. For a moment in time, I thought Emperor Augustus and Luca Pacioli might awake from their graves to smack my palms. Fortunately, perseverance stayed through with me, determination was called upon... for reinforcements.

Half a year later, my work ripped labor. I grew eager and nurtured speed and efficiency at work. Staying late became part of my life, least to mention the weekend sacrifices adopted to complete my work within the shortest possible time. A year later, I felt like I'm on top of the world. Not only was I excelling academically, job satisfaction level clock its peak and I swore I never felt more confident. All things that go out must come down. The euphoria survived a few months until my brother's incident caught us like a bolt out of the blues. Grey clouds swiveled and resided for awhile. Albeit all the lament, I remembered dragging my sleep-deprived and emotionally-battered self to fulfill a pre-arranged appointment at client's place the morning following admitting my brother to the hospital. That was a pretty brave thing to do. It was seriously crazy. Anything to account for responsibility to the company.

Perhaps its Murphy Law's at play. Things went downhill as far as relationship, family, studies and work are of concern. Pulling me apart like a ring of magnetic field. Overwhelmed, I sat down, exercised priority and placed work over my two-year relationship. Did it hurt for coming to a decision? Certainly. As it was pure unhappiness, I could only remember vividly, everything was crumpling down but I didn't utter a sound. I never felt the need to announce my sadness. That was when I figured my way out and later, developed a "love-at-first-bite/sight" with cheesecake and Swarovski. Things that never fail to melt my heart.

The thirst for adventure couldn't deny the boredom which sets in eventually. This is particularly why I'd start to feel lost and start losing faith. Doing something for long became routine, likewise for audit. The company wanted to promote me, but i deferred. No point pushing me into something I'm not mentally prepared or willing to commit. Something Mohan said had long-imprinted in memory: "Are you gonna remain an intern (undergraduate) forever?". Fair enough, I weighed the costs and benefits and decided it was time to focus on my academic. No doubt there were times I had to go back for a few days during my unpaid leave, at the expense of my examination revision. Thinking back, it was a real selfish act towards myself when I knew I was running out of time.

Most comprehensible it is arduous when it comes to train or duplicate yourself within a company. Not to mention the kind of emotion distress to see your peers leaving. Come on, I myself witnessed almost 10 colleagues resigning, it's no joke we feel the pinch to have them leaving an empty desk the next day you come to work. Sure, it's fairly acceptable, considering the nature of the profession where staff turnover are at alarmingly high rate. But we are humans after all.

Despite having said what precedes, I guess the reasons to leave somewhat justify the end. Basically, I figured its time to move on for better opportunities. I'm eager to see what auditors outside are conducting their audit approaches, how they document, the type of industries and exposure they get. On the other hand, the company needs new blood. It is not due to giving up, or stress that I can't shoulder. As a matter of fact, I did place all these on a balance scorecard, tabulated the results. Deployed costs and benefits analysis and therein indicates to leave would be in the best interest for the company and myself.

We tend to question what the company could give us. I'd think otherwise. It should be mutual. When I sat myself down to think about what more to give? Nothing comes to mind. This is scary. But it serve as a warning that it's in the best interest to leave.

At the end of it, sure, my uncle and best friend instill their "nobody's indispensable" ideology constantly. This is an undeniably practical and logical mindset. But I wouldn't say I'm a desirably bright employee. Just responsible enough to do things within my means. We should always look forward to how we can grow and best contribute where we have never ventured in. Just so, although it's difficult to part myself from comfort zone.

It is sorrowful to leave, but I figured it's a pain not to. I guess I've paid my dues. A better decisions for all of us, don't you think?

De one with My Brother

2011-02-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

Smoky day

The white window sheets seemed to have come alive, spots of the evening sun flickered through the patterned gaps on the sheets, as if to add sparkles to the divine-looking sight. I gazed across the unconcealed part of the window, caught a peek at the water-blue skies, felt the breeze and conjured memories of my younger brother, Jimson.

Like the aquarius fills his jar with water, the image of Jimson in his wheelchair form from smoke as I looked upon my lazy hand, outstretched over the boundaries of my bed. I recalled the time I had fell sick, in bed and there was my younger brother, beside me and sayang-ing with his tiny hands, until he fell asleep.

I remembered how jealous I was when he arrived at home but all hostility melted away when my family got me to hold him in my boyish hands.

Jimson was born with down-syndrome, something the family didn't get bothered at all. I treated him normal, played rough games with him, helped him at special school. I remembered the vexing days when I was undergoing puberty, having to deal with all the unpleasant changes within my body, emotions and bearing the frustration of my mummy, trying to feed breakfast to my brother, who was throwing tantrum all the time.

My mind recollected my secondary school holidays when my granny faced deteriorating health and thus unable to fetch and accompany my younger brother at his school. And I had to replace her, followed him to school in a catered school bus and roam around MacPherson, trying to spend hours, finding a place and reading "Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone".

Jimson loved mini toy cars. I even deprive myself of pocket money, some NSpay to buy these as presents occasionally.

Later, I recalled applying for NS leave, to visit my younger brother, who had to undergo a surgery to correct his spine problems, a hard decision my mummy had to make, pinning hopes for him to be able to walk again.

I remembered the painful memories of being helpless the night Jimson turned blue in the middle of the night, having troubles breathing as if he had stroke. I recalled waiting anxiously outside the A&E. It was really hurtful. I remembered holding my tears at the ICU, until such a point the ECG screen marked a straight line to indicate the end of Jimson's life journey.

I braved it all, the heartache and memorable moments. He was a joyful person, highly sociable and everything that I loved to be but wasn't innated with. I loved him more than words to say, despite there are times I dreaded him. Being the elder child, I thought my parent's most worry is him. Turns out, mummy's greatest worry was the both of us.

When people asked about him, I'd usually smile and say i'm alright to talk about him. 'D even say I'm proud and blessed to have him for a brother, albeit my nonsensical wish of having a twin brother. Deep down, I missed him infinitely. So happens, today, I'm missing him so much, tears brimmed my eyes as I blogged about this.

De one with Dr Michaels

2011-02-17T22:06:00.003+08:00

Results day

After 24 hours of excruciating pain, one week's wait for IVU and pricks, 7 days and a few hours later is the day when I got the results to all this kidney stone saga. Unfortunately, it's a confirmed case of kidney stone. 2mm in diameter, located towards the top of my left kidney. White-spot on the xray-film, explained the doctor after I asked him to show and explain to me. Interesting session.

Naturally, I asked if there was any way to get rid of this burden. The doctor explained it's too tiny and high chance (90%) it'd exit the body through urination.

There are however, two operational procurements. First being the lithotripsy, which uses x-ray or laser to disintegrate the stones. Second being the ureteroscopy, involves sending a tube up urine system through the ureter to the kidney - a painful experience to blast the stones in the kidney.

Are the preceding remedies above applicable to me? The doctor said both are unnecessary and definitely not worth the pain and trouble. For now, what's best is to do nothing, and come back for observation to see if the stone would be gone in exactly 365 days later.

Well, no operation and high chance of the stone being passed out normally seem comforting yet, being skeptical, there were other issues that I was concerned with. What if the stone grows and the relapse of the agonising pain-experience? He says it's possible. In the event of stone growth before or during the follow-up, operation would be imperatively executed. For pain wise, I just have to take painkillers (hate it, it's narcotics) and come back for immediate actions.

Oh well, and of course pray hard, all additional troubles do not event and even better,
"Kidney stones go away,
Flush yourselves out from my body
and never ever come back again!"

If there's any consolation? The doctor's named Michael, the same name as the doctor who treated me at A&E. Seems like kidney stones are popular with Dr Michaels. Or could it be pure affinity? Haha.

De one with Fever Fever Go Away

2011-02-15T22:22:00.005+08:00

Prescriptive note

With courtesy of Mark Pari

Didn't realise my voice turned coarse until I dialed office to clarify certain matter. Was reprimanded when my supervisor knew I clashed at client's place despite of my fever. Was on the phone with Clara (thank God for blessing me with such a supportive friend) yesterday, ok, I'm afraid the beautiful part ceases here temporarily, she nagged at me over me being dehydrated and taking no effort to replenish fluid-intake.

Well, I'm not gonna reveal what's the mysterious cause of it. The more critical thing was this stubborn fever appears to be bent on killing me. It's haunted me since last Thursday. Every morning I find myself awake with cold sweat. Something's not right. To be honest, I've not been having quality sleep. Stressed? Messed-up? Occupied? The selections could go on continuously but I seriously have no idea at all. Bummer.

What's the worst thing that could ever happen to me? For now, it's this fever that's not going away. Sigh. It's burnt a hole in my heart. Please, just chill and go away.

De one with Burnt

2011-02-14T20:51:00.002+08:00

Sombre

Wipe that smile off thy face;
Canst thou not see bleeding tears and pain,
From which set thine burning in flames;
Ashes of scars that prick insane.

The sacred stone has melt to flesh;
Cry not handsome nor cutie prey,
Vicious world of loving-hate;
How have thine burn in felon fate.

Perhaps its karma;
Perhaps its fate;
Perhaps its fuming of passion's rage.

Thy dosage rain of needled canes;
Scorn thy heart with acid aim.
Spirit dissolve in phantom phase.

Oh when will that lining shine again;
Deepest thee far far away.

Craving thoughts of unsettled fame.

Couldn'st speak of songless grain.

De one with Falling and Getting Up

2011-02-12T16:43:00.001+08:00

Idleness

Wonder what's wrong with me. In search of some answers, I guess my manager hit me in the nail: It's the time of the year I'm cranky and ultra insecure and my actions, behavior and speech are inevitably affected. Trust me, it's not for the better. Where's that remote control to eject these craziness?

Refused to believe it's an annual vicious cycle but the evidences before me convey otherwise. To be honest, I'm getting sick of not being able to control myself or what's happening around me per se. Speaking of which, I'm fell sick again. Hate it to the max. It means disruption to my running and swimming routine and living days without having to eat. What triggered my cold? Was working at the lawyers' office which feels like locking myself in a refrigerated box or chiller room. I recall leaving work on Thursday, shivering and feeling all uneasy. Everyone was complaining about the warm weather, I felt the complete opposite. Decided to got home early after work, ate some self-help pills and messaged up to a point the medication worked its drowsy magic and sent me off to hibernation mode.

Friday's no good either. Although the nose-dripping's under control, I woke up feeling all burned up. Should have stay home to nurse the deteriorating health but work responsibilities backed me up to go to work. And of course, a look-forward dinner appointment. It turned out disappointed but there was nothing I could do. Carpe diem, managed to find myself some dramatic night of events that got me traveling all over the nation and contributing so much revenue to SMRT. Sigh.

Perhaps it's due to the cold virus and stubborn nights of late nights' sleep, I didn't wake until near 11 plus this morning. A troubled heart, exhaustion and burning body. It was as if I was a reborn phoenix in a pile of flames. Now that I replenished some sleep, the fever's resided alittle. I hope the fate of others' I care about ain't as bad as mine. Have yourselves a good old eventful weekend pea--purr..

De one with Courage

2011-02-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

Dictatus

I must say it was one of the life's bravest moment. If there was a nomination for the worst, most demoralising, depressing dressing-down, it's gotta be yesterday evening's script. It was really bad, to a stage that qualified to pull the trigger to summon buckets of tears. Yes, my eyes were brimming with tears, threatening to explode like a release dam but I sat there, staring blankly at the desktop. Glad I survived it.

I must say I was astonished with the infallible courage that night. Didn't even head to the restroom. Sat there and did what I could to rectify and complete the job with a tsunami-wreck and ache in my gut.

De one with Voiceless Want

2011-02-06T22:57:00.001+08:00

Blog-surgery day

Sounds common but true. The things we want most are things that doesn't come with a price tag.

De one with 30 Good Things (Part II)

2011-02-06T21:57:00.001+08:00

Air of thoughts

16) Smelling fruity tea-leaves
17) Giving up seats to elderly
18) Speak and having the entire crowd listen to me
19) Reading, with hot beverage when it drizzles outside
20) Seeing the glow on other people's face when I drew something for him/her

21) Nostalgic stuff
22) Cuddled within cosy warm sheets
23) Being in a jacuzzi or bath tub
24) Listening to others
25) Closing my eyes with tranquility

26) Smelling good myself
27) Spotting a wishing star
28) Having another seated close to me
29) Friendly dogs
30) Epiphany

"When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad" - My Favourite Things,

"The Sound of Music", Rodgers and Hammerstein, 1959

De one with 30 Good Things (Part I)

2011-02-06T00:27:00.002+08:00

Air of thoughts

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things" - My Favourite Things,

"The Sound of Music", Rodgers and Hammerstein, 1959

1 ) Crossing the finishing line of a marathon
2 ) Being cheered on by your friends
3 ) Someone who sings a Jay Chou love song's sweet and sexy
4 ) Wearing something that's mood lifting
5 ) Touchdown of the plane I'm in

6 ) Confidence restoring words
7 ) Hugging and rejoicing in tears
8 ) Bright sunny day
9 ) Good meal after a major assignment
10) Endorphins

11) Blushing
12) Taste of my favourite Shiraz
13) Doing others a favor
14) Smiling and being smiled at
15) Dedication

.... to be continued

De one with Questioning Faith

2011-02-05T01:27:00.002+08:00

Smoky day

"Which religion would you like to place yourself under?" asked the immigration officer calmly as she gazed up from her computer screen, after inputting my particulars in the I/C application form.

It took me awhile before I replied "free-thinker" before looking at Mummy with an expression that pleaded for her acknowledgment. However, it wasn't my religion that got me concerned. Ironically, it was the possibility of inserting my Christian name into the I/C that did.

Apparently, the incomplete personal sense of belonging to any existing religion didn't affect me. This was foreign since I was brought up in a family who was mainly Taoist and attended neighborhood schools which were non-Catholic nor Methodist. Public holidays provide a fair chance of reminding me of religious traditions, but it didn't leave a deep relation to the significance of religion since we were too happy, freed from one day or school/work.

My affinity with religion identity didn't arrive until my interaction with friends and dates who were Buddhist, Christian and Catholics. Well, there was this JC girl I used to like who joined SOKA. Wait a minute, before you jump into a judgemental conclusion that I'm being blinded with love and doing impulsive things for love, read what follows. I guess it was the thirst to understand about the history and novice traditions of such religions that I opened myself to accepting and experiencing the "colourful" practices such as services, chat about the divergent believes, and importantly, the eye-opening religious perspective.

This quest to quench religion-comprehension, however, didn't get me soaking my feet in the deep pool of commitment. No, it's not the lack of passion and excitement, rather I didn't wish to restrict myself from the multi-religious exposure I was enjoying. Commitment is an extremely private and considerable life-decision and often irrevocable once engaged with. Hence, the exercise of caution before having it permanently-reside in my life. That being said, it doesn't mean religion represent something dispensable.

Nobody told me why we place so much faith in religion or what's the importance of having religion. All young Jason knew was be good, do good because there's a mighty power named God, who witness us from above. Movies and cartoons have installed the image of heaven, located somewhere indeterminately high up in the sky, despite it appears superficial when compared to our knowledge of stratosphere and planetary system from primary school sciences. If we didn't behave, we'd land up in hell (an utterly unpleasant, fearsome place filled with nothing but torture) other than heaven (a dreamy place of eternal happiness and blessing). Later, I came to know about Adam and Eve, the procreation of Earth which could only be read about through religion.

When we talk about heaven and hell, images of good and evil are inevitably conjured to our mind. This provides a basis often for us to find ourselves falling back on religion for spiritual support and defense against evil. The existence of religion's no longer encompass an possessive teaching to book-keep personal good conduct but also praying to have our thoughts, wishes communicated to the guy above to feel security, comfort and ease from predicaments.

Furthermore, growing up with religion clarified the ambiguity of the multiple addressing and identities of God proclaimed by countless religious bodies.

Call me a late-bloomer, yet I couldn't care less. Did I forget to mention what I adore most about religion? It were the fascinating background stories of religious figures, not just the trinity (being the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit) but also those of deities (chinese and malays). My ex and attendance at various service sermons enlighten and delighted me with the history and stories from the Bible. The magical part? Never fails me finding these overwhelmingly amazed, the analogies which shred light on meanings to life. Religions don't only provide us with a sense of security and belonging/ monitor our conduct but also purpose of life. The word's most beautiful and sweet flower being the Rose; the profitable metal in the world reowned by Gold. The most touching religious statement I ever heard from a hard-to-come-by acquaintance had to be "God lives in our hearts". It derived me a moment of "grace" literally. To feel grace is to accept something. And I suppose this could provide a logical explanation to why people accept religion in their hearts.

In my opinion, religion acceptance is definitely a matter of choice. It shouldn't be imposed upon. In recent, I wouldn't deny certain conservative families still observe a common religion within their members, the rest, especially the young generations almost find themselves the liberty when adopting own religious views. There's nothing wrong with promoting religion, spare the sharing-enthusiast aside, I simply don't enjoy being questioned or interrogated why we choose to be free-thinkers or for others, atheist.

Pretty unpleasant experiences with people preaching obsessively on how inevitable we'd be condemned to hell if we never believe in God. Or only through certain religion would it guarantee your pave to a peaceful afterlife and others can't. Equally, I find it tough to tolerate views of others condemning religious views.

Last night, I was traveling to Clarke Quay. For no reason, this uncle engaged me into talking (no idea why strangers tend to initiate chatting with me) but anyway, he discovered I was a free-thinker and started bombarding about how the Bible is a must-read guide and ticket to heaven. It doesn't matter how many good deeds you've performed. He didn't question nor allow me to explain why I'm a free-thinker and assumed I have never read the Bible, ignorant of all religious views and also queried me on how I'd be answerable to God at the heavenly gates if I never read the Bible. It was a 20 minutes one-way conversation, it didn't "listen" like a discussion at all. Sigh, it was futile to even try to intervene, all I did was smile and listened.

Religion is a beauty. It is to be shared, discussed and influenced rather than allegedly-forced or manipulatively imposed upon believers, non-believers alike. With all due respect, I doubt any God within the universe would want a group of believers who came forth but didn't believe at all or with resentment.

What is a saint with following rows of prisoners, all bounded in chains whose hands that were bolted with raw stones and blank scripts? What is a king with trust subjects of opposing views as vast as seas and the wrath chaos of wind?

De one with Yesterday

2011-01-30T00:34:00.002+08:00

Raining dampened mood

Like all other things within the universe, certain qualities in us could be both a blessing and curse. Fire cooks edible food free of bacterias, keep us warm. At the same time, it could burn whatever comes its pave, creates air pollution, causes devastation. The same fate runs for my perfectionism.

"Perfectionist" often arouse negativity. Common people tend to be under impression of one being obsessively meticulous and more than never, excessively-fussy over details and the nitty gritty. In defense, opposing stands advocate on the merits from striving for perfection: It fuels continuous improvement and advancement breakthrough. As we know, nothing in this world can be perfect. This statement is debatable. The state of being perfect is a flaw itself. Yet, being imperfect indicates there are rooms for growth and/or progression.

Yesterday, my eagerness to perfect my documentation turned out giving the partner the wrong impression that I was trying too hard. Admittedly, this is not the first time I'm hearing this. It's disheartening. Words of affirmation have enormous effects on me, not primarily it's the essence of self-worth, it's one of the essential avenue to remind me to stop and take a break. It's like running a marathon. If there's no finishing line, very likely I'll just keep running effortlessly.

Of course, I didn't feel the need to justify who's right or wrong when I'm being judged. Good or bad, just take it positively. Sure, that's very zen thing to say. To others, they might think this is just clinche talk. Nonetheless, you should have heard the way the comment was voiced and the expression of the sender, it demoralise me. Got me questioning my experience, whether I'm capable / cut out to be what or who I am. I could have confronted my superior and argued, prove my worth of points and feel better. But, having reconsidered, I decided to leave things as it is. I mean, what's the point of creating a hoo-haa that probably make things worse.

One of the things I hate most is argument. Firstly, it's not constructive. The vicious cycle of tension-building, climax, fall and reconciliation from the beginning, middle to end of an argument's just too painful to go through. Secondly, it's simply not my cup of tea. Prefer settling issues amicably to frustrating negotiation and words-sparing. It consumes alot of energy and if without proper-damage control, it's detriment to one another's emotional equilibrium. What do you get out of it? Thirdly, there's no win-win situation. Argument exists as a challenge. The rules of engagement is simple. Two conflicting views. One has to concede defeat and accept the opponent's view. Don't be fooled with the counselor's "beautiful" ending or "reconciliation". Reconciliation can only happen when either of you give in first so that the other would do likewise.

In my opinion, it's true I try too hard at times. That's purely born from my attempt to give in my very best. One of my life principles: "So as long we tried, there's nothing to regret. Carpe diem". Humble without complacent, if I did wrong, tell me where I've gone wrong and teach me the right way of doing things. Just don't make me feel like a failure la.

Was literally weeping inside during work. Yet I didn't feel the need to complain or share my heartbreak with those around me. Put up a brave front, appearing normal and even texting words of encouragement. Emitting sunlight and contained every bit of bitterness within. It was an awful yesterday. =(

De one with IVU

2011-01-27T23:00:00.001+08:00

Health chat

Intravenous Urography was something that I never expected myself to go through. Barely did I know this is the third visit at the hospital for personal, major health issues.

A few brief background stories to share before moving on. My first visit and stay at the hospital occurred when I was 5-6. My parents rushed me to the hospital due to profuse-vomiting after enjoying centripetal force. Yes, I spun myself while standing still and paused occasionally to savor the thrill of initial force.

My second happened last year due to an unfortunate dengue fever. Recall I was burning up and breaking into cold sweat. The unbearable torment made every cells scream me to drag myself to the hospital alone, around 1+am. The fever-span lasted two weeks. It wasn't until the final day to recovery did my admission to hospitalisation took place. Blood palates were falling way below desired, oh, the unforgettable pain of being pricked for blood-examination daily.

I guess the preceding incident made me immunised against the prick of needles. The medical officer at IVU did something I felt all doctors should do. He shows his concern for your well-being with a warm question before mentally-preparing you with a countdown to injection. Funny why they keep describing the injection pain as "it's just an ant's bite". Most often, we don't feel bitten by ants. Well, that was what was on my mind, as I stared blankly into the gigantic x-ray machine a couple feets above my abdominal.

-Flashback- Some 30 minutes earlier, arrived on time, my aunt who insisted on accompanying me, was more panicky than myself. For a minute, I thought who was the patient. But she meant well regardless. Regretted not bringing a jacket to the department. the low temperature caused goosebumps to appear on my exposed arms. Got changed into a patient's robe and proceeded to lie on the raised bed in the IVU room.

30 minutes later, the medical officer had trouble locating a visible and potential vein to ensure effective iodine infusion. It took him about 20 minutes, 3 needle-pricks at different locations of both arms to locate a viable attempt. Clearly, my veins were delicate. Sigh. Moreover, the MO emphasised they are deviating from normal practice to use the small needle instead of the average larger one to deliver the infusion. Omg. I was feeling helpless, literally.

The radioactive scan itself took estimatedly 30-40 minutes. A third or quarter of it was waiting time for the contrast medium to lighten the flow of my ureter as the kidney excretes the contrast medium. Multiple x-ray shots were taken after this process termed as "prone" time. Unexplainable. Basically, I lie on the bed and was shifted under the radioactive-emitter for x-ray shots to be taken. Oh, pressure were applied using sponge bags and a film that's capable of tightening, strapped across my mid-section. The poor assistant faced twice attempts doing this before the grip of the wrenching mechanism hit its maximum and the tightening was too loose. Oops, so I did her a favor by expanding my waist as possible.

Example of an IVU test image. This is not mine. It belongs to an 18 year old obtained from website www.bhj.org/journals

But I'd say it's yet another life experience. Though unwanted. Hopefully, the results show negative for kidney stones. Pray for me, will you?

De one with Beginnings

2011-01-23T00:34:00.001+08:00

Memory-testing

They say a person's life would flash before the person's mind before he/she sees the light that signifies the end. Trouble is from now till death, albeit the unpredictability of life and the redundancy of peeking into the book of fate, we already have trouble remembering how memorable relationships got started.

You'd probably ask, why the difficulties in remembering something that's described as "memorable". Logically, it should not be forgotten at all. The truth, unfortunately, is controversial. We all do forget, basically owing to the memory erosion over time.

Ask yourself: What and where exactly took place before you first became friend?

Luckily for mine, I remembered some. I recall I met Loo wan during the first day of JC. We were chased out of Econs lecture. For Clara, we first chatted outside our CT class while she was alone over at the red bar. Mohan during ASC when we were in our detachments. Chin Yu was someone I talked to during one of our training for representing in the battalion's cross-country run. Yes, I remember some required great efforts, some with intented clause, and most others came unexpectedly.

There are, what a shame, some others whom we have came a long way, got so accustomed to each other that I have the slightest bit of remembrance.

This is when I thought, what could we do to safeguard such fond memories from natural's work?
1) Take video/photoshooting?

    Well, wouldn't it be awkward. It's gonna be unnatural. Certain studies have shown, in every 10 persons, there is an average of 6 persons who are camera-shy. Within the same sample, 8 would reasonably want to look good regardless of a video clip or photograph. Without going into detail reasons why, it can be derived this choice is definitely not a one-size-fits-all. I'd find either most people are not born natural stars, hence it takes awhile to get accustomed to be in front of a camera and/or video, especially.

    If the above doesn't applies, here's another reason: Impracticability. Many wouldn't define befriending another as a special moment. It's unlike child-birth or something that can be planned like in the case of 21st birthday celebrations. It's almost absurd to go around introducing ourselves, shaking hands and filming down everybody. Not forgetting, under uncertain this friend would turn out to be an acquittance, best pal or passer-by?

2) Account for in diaries?

Well, not for me, I don't keep diaries. The closest I got to diary-writing is this blog. As you can read, it doesn't really account for my daily life, just random topics for sharing or complaints.

    Without prejudice, I'd rather think this works most for females. However, times have changed. Technological changes seemed to have altered our choices of keeping track of daily events. Perhaps blog diaries, apart from minority who still keeps the spirit of conventional methods.

3) Tattoo?

Seriously, reconsider this option. It's a faithful commitment, one that often leads to regrets. And it usually happens after awhile.

The most practical would be either 2 or for the rest of us, retain such somewhere in our memory cache. Like all living things, it's susceptible to wear and tear, even with maintenance, there's only so much it could last. Haha, sounds like a pretty nostalgic discussion. Try remembering, would you?

De one with I Miss...

2011-01-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

Raining desirable days

Honest speaking, it takes a great deal of money and courage to travel solo in foreign lands. Recall being half enthusiastic with butterflies in my stomach while boarding the plane solo to Australia. Arrival wasn't as pleasant as I expected. The immigration officer "interrogated" me, asking all sorts of questions, partially unconvinced a young boy was traveling alone. As far as my memory recollect, they inquired "who bought my ticket? What was the purpose of my visit? Where am I heading to? For how long am I going to be here?". Secondly, I was picked up late. Left my stranded at the arrival hall when all the passengers in the same flight were dismissingly out of sight.

Wouldn't say I'm a travel fanatic, yet it'd still be considerably fair to declare my passion for travel. Purpose of travel are diverse. These involved relaxation (beach, reading a book at local cafe, suntanning), sightseeing (mountainous areas, places of interest), entertainment (theme parks, shopping malls) or food-tasting (wine bars, local delicacies). Albeit the boundaries of activities and geographical venues visits, what's inherently most enjoyable is being somewhere different (environment, culture, language, temperature wise) as much as history records mine being part of diverging national time.

I always thought: who needs a time machine when we're already time-traveling when aero-machines fetch us across time-borders? Clap your palms in Thailand and you're an hour (on local time GMT +8) into the future. Siren your soul across the Indian Ocean to Sydney, should time pass too rapidly. Don't waste your birthday wishes for the hatchday be prolonged. Take a stroll with the hobbits down to New Zealand where time is way behind local's.

I'd give anything, except my life (cause I need to be alive to wander the globe. Else, a soul has to wait till August annually, according to the Chinese) to be traveling. Now as I'm typing, the mist is clear, the paramount streams of flickering memories missed unveil itself.

Missed the cold air, it's like living in a city that's naturally air-conditioned. Love the particular moment the tender warmth of the sun touches my cool skin, without causing perspiration! Ohh, and the constant need to remind myself to apply lip balm - daunting chore yet it saves torture from cracked lips. Haha. I love the vapours in the surrounding, which makes my hair soft and straight, requiring less gel to style.

Because it is cold, especially in hotel rooms, I savor the early morning where I'd hide under the soft cosy bed sheets to keep warm. Oh, as I recall, the morning run by the beach where I managed to race against the rising sun. The view's simply breathtaking.

Love self-enrichment through experience of cross-borders' cultures. Respect variable history, decipher the local's behavoir and beliefs. Not forgetting, to learn to understand and appreciate beautiful language of the foreign lands. Occasionally, believe it or not, I find myself becoming more appreciative of how fortunate I already am and ponder in validation to those I didn't. For example, my NZ trip opened my eyes to the fortune of living in a country without natural disasters like volcanoes. Australia taught me the fortune of having chili available FOC.

Love the food, I missed the appetite-whetting breakfast, rejuvenating spring waters and chocolates from Switzerland, the unique curry sauce for Mcdonald's McNuggets, all-time favourite fish and chips from Australia, the salivating dim sum, succulent wanton noodles from Hong Kong, the aromatic chicken-cutlet from Taiwan, the spicy dhar and Kingfisher in India, the tantalising bamboo rice and khao niao mamuang from Thailand, the cold-defending meals in New Zealand. Yes, I don't eat much but I miss them.

I used to collect drumsticks from every Hardrock cafe I happen to visit. Turns out, production seemed to have ceased.What a pity.

Yes, I'm not a travel fanatic. But I do love venturing overseas and bring memories that make me love returning!

De one with Pain Pain Pain

2011-01-20T22:07:00.002+08:00

Super drama day

Ever wanna feel more like an artiste? Well, I swear I'd never want such an experience again. Woke up as usual, engage in my mandate morning routine. Barely did I know the ache in my abdominal manifested into an unendurable distress within half an hour.

Of course, I didn't take it lightly as the pain had resurfaced since yesterday morning. Without delay, I dragged myself to the neighborhood's family clinic where the GP gave me painkiller jab. Came home with even more painkillers. Drank plenty of water as the doctor ordered. Turns out, the sting in my abs got unbelievably worse than ever.

My overly-concerned granny (thank god for blessing me with such family who loved me so dearly), kept asking questions on how I feel, what is wrong when I am literally curling up in a ball, trying all positions to relieve the pain. And you know elderly, she keeps suggesting solutions, and complained about my great aunt not being around (since she was the one who's well-versed in dealing with such emergencies). My dog ran in and out of my room, and the morning TV outside was loud in volume by my unemphatic uncle. Sigh. It was chaotic scene. Like some crazy settings by some manic scriptwriter.

Call it premonition. I arrived back from my trip from the clinic with contemplations if I should just present myself at the nearest hospital. The crap continued outside the room, I prayed for everything to go away but no avail. Intolerable, I hurled myself out of bed, changed, grab the prescriptions, a jacket and cabbed to TTSH solo. My granny wanted to go, I felt bad really, but the pain was killing me, it left my no choice but told her I can't have her following me without having to worry for another.

Going to the A&E wasn't something I can't handle. As a matter of fact, I've been to TTSH in the middle of the night when I had dengue. Was there for two hours and back without anyone noticing I was missing during their sleep (but then, the dreadful fever dragged on for the subsequent two weeks).

Today was different, it was super-dramatic. Next thing, i had my aunt calling me and tail-gating me to TTSH. We waited, I was in series of sharp tummy pain (all in my mind, I was cursing, "hello, I'm in agonising pain, why are you not entertaining me"). I suppose, God had been listening, he did intervene and sent me this handsome medical officer. I related my condition, accounted my morning jab from the family clinic and even shown him the prescriptions I received. The bare minimum I could do is to feed the doc with all the background information and have him assess and advise. After consulting a senior, he injected me with a even stronger painkiller and before I knew it, i was out for two hours.

The lab results for my urine examination arrived after another 30 minutes after having me rot in bed in the observation room. It seemed my prediction powers were scoring all morning. I texted a dear friend, worried if it's kidney stones. Turns out, the test shown traces of blood, which upgraded me to become a patient suspected of kidney stones. Good thing? Nothing's pretty confirmed until my next appointment for the Intravenous Urogram.

Clara "barked" at me for not taking care and edict me to drink the entire ocean. Colleagues kept telling me to rest well and not worry about work. There were sweet messages. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all these wholeheartedly. Yet I back-trek past events of dengue, spraining of shoulder and now this, am I really that vulnerable?

De one with Reviving Old Times

2011-01-09T20:37:00.000+08:00

Wouldn't it be lovely

When was the last time we ever had fun, chat, jokes and laughter? I asked myself this question having woke up and stoned. So I asked Clara out for drinks and we decided on Brewerkz. It wasn't pleasant the very first time we were there with another good friend, Loo wan, and Jessamine. First, I was forced to eat this homemade chocolate lava cake. Second, there wasn't much topic going around the table for discussion. I was genuinely bored. But this time was 180 degrees different. Just us two, 8 drinks (mostly my favourite daiquiris) and a hell lot of confession, chit-chat, future plans, problems on the table. I'm amazed, there wasn't so much gossip. Oh, but those humorous and unglam-iest behaviors were revived as though conjured by an old spell. I kept telling Clara I was afraid coz I didn't bring my IC out. Haha.

Ooh, I didn't drink much. Ok, maybe 5 drinks. Didn't try much except the Singapore Sling which tasted like cough syrup by the way. And a plateful of chicken quesidillas (out of my favourite dish when drinking). She la!! I was so prepared to have buffalo wings and actual turns out, she didn't like any for the night.*Roars*

We stayed for about two good hours. Thank God, the lady in heels, was able to walk straight after countless sips. Hehe.

What about the rest of the weekends? Starting Friday, I decided to let down my work, head home, watched TV and had unhealthy KFC. Even happened to catch some channel 8 drama. What's going on you'd ask. I wondered too.

Been doing alot of jogging this weekend. Although the skies ain't good for a swim though. Drizzling weekend. But I gotta admit, I slept and rested alot. All my eyebags are relinquished. Yippee!! Dinner were good. Had good accompany, sustainable chat and tea. And for awhile, my nose's dripped.

Sunday was uneventful except an impromptu invitation by ah-ma to take a historical trip to Tian Fu Gong. Man, I used to remember childhood days were we had to pray the Confucius statue for the sole purpose of getting luck and blessings for good performance at exams. Much has changed. The temple, now converted to a tourist attraction, seemed to erode the customs of traditional chinese temple. While the magnificence of the building structure, and interiors painted with luscious gold, the cloud of incense smoke and scent of frankincense seemed to be lifted. Mainly due to cleanliness and clear air which might otherwise be too unbearable for tourist. I doubt.. seriously, think about the aged temples in Hong Kong, Taiwan and China, tourist are visiting regardless of the thick incensed burning and all. Personal view: The full temple culture had given way to accommodate tourism. Pretty sad.

Yup, a lovely and pleasurable weekend I'd compliment. The reviving old times, ample rest, chillout drinks and jubilant sms-es. Love it!

De one with J'Likes

2011-01-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

Rather chilly day

I like the light vibration, the peep of a a perky morning text messages, with greetings so sweet.

Like waking up on a windy 9am, wrapped in cosy sheets and pillows so light.

Like continental breakfasts, the crispy bacon, ham and peppery, soy-sauced half-boiled egg. Oh yes, the crunchy salad, organic bread and scrabbled eggs.

Like smelling tea scent, eyes closed before I taste the richness within a sip. Some cookies would be good if I'm up for a snack.

Like the warmth of sun transiting out from an icy office. The liberation of cold with glow so tanned.

Like undivided attention of my dinning friend. Hearty chat and smiles so fair.

Like my dog throttling in joy when I return back. It's wagging tail, so pleased to have me back.

Like the night messages of words describing sweet slumbers, embraces and that. Like a golden ticket to lalaland.

De one with Definitions of Regret

2011-01-05T22:00:00.003+08:00

Dark skies and definitions

"Life is too short to be lived with regrets. Ironically, it would not be complete without any."
Jason. L, (2011)

Regret:- "{n} a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over an occurrence or something that one has done or failed to do." - Oxford Dictionaries online

In courtesy of grace ong

Repeatedly it echoed in my mind "I should have heel your advice". Without fail, it resurfaced at the back of my mind as I lay in bed with my eyes closing view of the dim ceiling above. One of the unforgettable longing was the lost chance to receive education in the local university. It all happened in the JAE exercise, when I was compelled to log on and file my application. My heart yearns to travel overseas to do a degree in psychology, it departed its empty shell who sat before the computer, with conscience which instructed the hand to select "Journalism" preceding the qualifying "Engineering" under the columns of admitting faculties.

Now that she's gone, and the ending of my NS stint, did reality apprehended me like a hammer hitting a mark into a malleable hot metal. I had no where to go, turn down SMU interview. What a folly I made of my paths.

Regret: - "{n} A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different." - theFreeDictionary.com

I should have sensed something was wrong, the moment the black Adidas watch that you gave me broke. I should have telephoned home the usual time I usually did on previous 14 days of the overseas exercise. If only had I, I could have flew the first available evening flight back to Singapore and prevent you from your run and all the tear-welding incident.

Regret:- "{v} to be very sorry for" - Merriam Webster.com

In courtesy of Juanito

I should have seen it coming. First relationship ought to be prioritised after education. What's the point of throwing away all the efforts from commitment to studies to get into a JC all for someone who end up hitting so hard during the most critical moment in life?

A former suitor shared "Good times give happiness. Bad times yield experience". Truthful and fair, I received experience of love, "true love's kiss", and got more than I expected, a confidente and now, bestest friend. What about the un-erasable scars and closed opportunities to my ambitions?

Regret:- "{n} A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone." - yourDictionary.com

It's a pity to turn down opportunities to learn the piano, join the youth flying club, accept challenges to join sports competition, further my love in drums, refusal to go on family tours since admission to army.

In courtesy of Disney's

I was an introvert, shy and unwilling to ask even when I had the burning desire to know. Good thing I'm where I am. And thank the spirit man above who awarded me with the gift and perseverance to "heal" and make things more perfect with my hands. Now that I look back, just imagine the possibilities I could have embarked had I not shrouded the invitations and encouragement.

Like a century old music box that is too fragile to be tampered or opened frequently. It's better to peek, weep at its beauty from the short-lived melody of nostalgic and unfulfilled tunes, and keep the precious onyx buried deep into the black hole of the mind and locked away.

De one with Productivity

2011-01-04T23:53:00.001+08:00

Randomly humid

Regardless of your occupation, be it a diligent student, a sharp-minded professional, a bossy housewife, a carefree self-employed, a discouraged un-employed, take a moment and ask yourself this: When are you most productive?

Ceteris paribus, in my opinion, time slots beginning 10am - 12pm and subsequently 8pm - 12am are when I yield the highest productivity. These are moments of within a day when brain-concentration level is optimal, blood-flow charged with energy and senses are all-functional.

The next question to ask yourself is: What determines or inevitably affects our productivity?

For me, it's straightforward. Personal concentration level. Without focus, my ability to comprehend, process and react would be hindered. Productivity falls or decelerates as a result. To be more specific, perhaps the question we should be more interested in are the factors which affect concentration?

Sleep

Certain research advocate on having ample sleep to achieve better concentration. Even former healthcare-marketer and uni-friend GH, highlighted the importance of snoozing if one desires not only to be productive, but also to prolong life-expectancy. Till date, there are voluminous medical reports bearing empirical proof on how adequate hibernation is essential for the body to recuperate, replenish and repair itself. These regeneration processes sufficient the body to tolerate what the next day beholds in the long run.

What happens when I'm sleep-deprived? Basically, I'd get cranky. More than never, frustrated over why I fail to grasp a simple concept or correspond slower-than-expected. I feel demoralised and insecure. Yes, it's unbearable. Peculiarly when I'm under the time pressure lasting through a compressed project mad-rush. The worst that can happen is the lack of rest leads to illness due to over-worked and getting all drowsy with medicine - something I can't afford and dislike.

Emotions

Emotions are phenomenal. It wouldn't be wise to underestimate the exponential dictatorship of feelings. A sharp hurtful word could pose an enormous barrier on your progress. I won't oppose to the idea that emotions are indeed double-edged. It crumples a person with negativity. On the other hand, it also serves as psychic boosters to help one become determined and strong-willed. Primarily, emotions govern our perspective, thoughts and how we interpret things. It indirectly affects our attitude and amplitude towards circumstances that we are faced with.

Sure critics might bring forth that an objective-focused and firmed worker could withstand the hindrance of meaningless emotions. I very well supposed, that's why the Chinese have a saying "Bu de gan qin yong shi ("ought not be sentimental when performing an act/making decisions" in Mandarin). I beg to differ. In any forms of relationships (e.g. business, school team, family), the human touch is required! Even the hardest decisions made at times are susceptible to emotional struggles, mainly because we understand the consequences would impact ourselves or others involved.

If there's anything to support the critic's view would none other be
(1) a machine which, if perfected, could be perpetually industrious; or
(2) someone who choose to lose touch with or conceal their emotions. Why? They just don't know how or are brought up in an environment which react adverse to depicting emotions publicly.

Productivity and my sentiments intersect. Absolutely, without compromising to meet objectives. Coming from this direction of integrating humanity and touche, I need to build connections with the ones alongside and whom I'm answerable to. On personal level, I have a reservoir of feelings. It's my passion that survives me. No doubt I can draw a line between work and emotions. Mostly with fair balance between being rationale and intuitive which I strongly believe is the right thing to do.

Motivation

People reckon motivation is directly linked to the preceding discussion. Yes, motivation could be the fruit of vast appropriate emotions. Yet, I'd like to think this to be separate, significant factor to vigor. More commonly, I tap on this wonderful power in assignments that rouse my interest or when I feel confident from encouragement or revelation of my capabilities.

Other times, motivation is deployed to trick my mind into accepting challenges which I do not have any faith in conquering at all. This was what I did with my first encounter with accounting principles. Recall the dark past when I experienced so much difficulties with debit and credit, and classification of accounts that I felt helpless like an utter failure. The first light came when I finally got something right and built on my knowledge with self-induced motivation, encouragement, well.. you could call it zi-highness ("indulging in own's enthusiasm").

Compliments, humble words of appreciation are more helpful to the recipient than we predict, considering most are too reserved and ungenerous with kind words. To begin with, they are clueless if it is appropriate to do so. Concurrently, they worry getting prejudiced of being plain superficial. I mean, come on, we're in the 21st century, definitely it doesn't bring harm to be vocal (not politically perhaps) nor does it hurt equivalent when we shadow ourselves from the limelight. Why not pick the former and motivate, influence others in their work?! Most morning, sometimes on everyday basis, I'd sent morning messages. Although it might be a clinche, but I understand the miracle of a pleasant greeting, which could spike a fresh day to begin with. Very much like popping a vitamin pill to perk our health.

Weather

You might barged your eyes wide but yeah, weather does affect my productivity. Imagine a rainy cold day, first the flu syndrome is enough to be a downer. Second, getting wet and fighting to keep warm is another. Believe me, these impact productivity. Did I forget to mention the battle with Z-monster because it's too cosy to work?

During hot weathers, productivity slips. It's in our genes, tolerance to high temperatures turn berserk, unscrewing the fuzz cap to our mang-zhang-ness (mang zhang means "temperamental" in hokkien). Wah! With a over-abused, dysfunct air-conditioning, I suggest we better stay clear of stepping onto anybody's tails. Heated remarks and venting of frustration is unhealthy. It pulls like a boulder tied to productivity into the depths of the sea of demoralisation.

Humans

Mutually exclusive to the above, the people you work with may affect efficacy. Under the broad category of humans, there are two major groups of people who influences our productivity. There first being customers/clients/patrons. A friend who works at IRAS frontdesk related how nasty and rude clients who confront and scream at them on dis-satisfied tax assessments or contentious matters. And we're not talking just 1 but at least 5-6 on average within a day. If I sketch everything on a comic stripe, imagine a gummy bear who's physical form defines its level of productivity. Everytime a gummy handles a consumer's complaints or PMS, it depletes a part of itself. So a rude customer comes and bites of an arm. The screaming customer chips off another arm with his resonance. Come the 6th, there's barely a earful of productivity remaining. Sigh, how to be productive in such an environment? This is exactly why I'm not in tourism industry although I'd love traveling around the globe. So guys, cut your retail assistant some slack (notwithstanding those who are simply ignorant).

Collaboration is critical and necessary. Just imagine the various types of associates with weird, unpleasant, repulsive behaviors and personalities, it'd pose quite a challenge to submitting a golden performance record.

Most if not all experts would advise friction at workplace, or anywhere else, should always be avoided. Easier said than done, you could cross your finger and pray all you desire on the non-occurrence of dispute, yet these are inevitable in the pragmatic world. Probably another page from the book of fate? Perhaps until proven. But the jees of it still falls on the fact that our dealings with humans, how they think, react, feel affects our productivity.

To better elaborate, let me paint scenarios with words. Say your working partner does not confide in you when he/she faces issues with work. Mostly due to introvert-personalities or temporal defiance. And you need him/her to fulfill his/her part so that you could collate. Even when it's submitted, the work's way below dis-satisfactory. The initial time schedule has to be extended, finalisation has to be deferred.

That is not all! Remember he/she has feelings. How would he/she feels after repetitive error-corrections or up to a point when you feel it's reach a state when it's no longer conducive to keep mum and confront the problem head-on? This is probably why interpersonal skills comes in handy. But progress? It's definitely deviated from what's budgeted. Of course, not everything in life is perfect and proceed as planned. Detours are expected. I'm just pointing out a dreadful situation when the outcomes becomes undesirably screwed and we do not have the cohesiveness, time and experience to contain the issue. Now, that's a valid argument, wouldn't it?

Stress

I'd prefer to say I don't cope well with stress. If otherwise, you'd probably have to attest my confession yourself. Perhaps its my expressionless face, or my calm appearance, or even the deployment of my wits to circumvent what's faced currently, else anybody might just take my opening sentence seriously. But swear to God, there are times when pressure overwhelms, that's when I would speak my "stress" langauges:
(i) me arriving to office with a Venti caramel macchiato
(ii) wearing a black outfit
(iii) me drinking tea
(iv) when I remain quiet the entire day
(v) when I didn't join in for lunch
Stress is a cognitive disruption. Res ipsa loquitur ("fact speaks for itself" in latin), everyone's familiarly agreeable when i bring out the fact that it plays a irrevocable part on impeding labor. Like fine-tuning a timpani, the master key lies in how we cope and mitigate stress faced. Off-tune it'd hurt your ears. In-tune, you'll get to enjoy a melodious life.

When I'm stressed, I'd ask myself "how do I go about this". Map out all the potential resorts in my head, process its costs and benefits and pick the most efficient and effective fit. Yes, this would be ideal. "What if" there's no way out? Head for the exit? No, that's the last resort. Probably responsible enough to keep the productivity gauge above zero. Haha. As Rebecca advised "ask and it shall be given", someone has to save the day eventually!

Productivity is after all a mind's affair. Of course, the statement's valid under the assumptions that we're not physically hurt and/or troubled with health problems.

De one with Goodbye 2010

2011-01-01T23:28:00.001+08:00

Auld Lang Syne

It seemed alot of people, or at least those around me, had forgotten about singing "auld lang syne" the second the clock tickles past the 12 am mark. They get so overwhelmed with excitement from count down, and overjoyed from the series of celebration parties immediately after welcoming the first half an hour of the new year. Hmm.. I believe there were others who were too occupied, setting their minds to new year's resolutions and of course, the majority who worried over getting out of terribly congestion and pinning hopes of getting home earlier to retire.

You'd probably wonder why would I bring up the Scots poem song out of the blues. Oh relax, no intentional agenda. Just relating what happened while I was chilling out with my bestest friend, good pal and another long-known friend at the Ink Bar. Proud to say, I was disciplined enough to have only consumed two drinks. Cam-whored for abit until midnight when we made alot of noise which the party gadgets, drink and left for our next event. Well, they celebrated my recent promotion too.

Kueh Pie Tee

How did we end up at Ink Bar? 3 hours before, we had dinner. Made reservations at Fairmount Asian Cafe (previously "fairmount market plaza"). Boy oh boy, we have never been more full. Due to someone's order (just kidding), I let my hair down and ate a spread. There was salad, vegetable, carrots, broccoli, sashimi, mussel, oysters, scallop, cereal prawns, tout, stingray, lamb, beef, turkey, satay, chicken thigh in thai chilli, tandoori chicken, seafood tom yam, crabmeat soup, kueh pie tee, tissue prata, white and fried rice, dhar and desserts.. awww... the durian paste, mango pudding, raspberry-vanilla and strawberry sorbet ice-cream. Ok, I didn't eat all those, but I loved the stingray, tomyam and desserts (yes, the durian paste) completely.

The place was decorated with gray and blue balloons which swirling navy blue ribbons. And this peranakan design dish bowl containing lemon soup. We practically laughed our hearts out when I amused my dinner partners, telling Loo to pose with the dish bowl and become "the little Baba", like how Jeanette Aw did in the local drama series "The Little Nonya". Jessamine was indulging, she even hummed the theme music. The moment was hilarious.

The Little Baba, 2011 (without any intentional infringement/insult meant)

Probably shouldn't be blogging about how Jess started her appetizers with a plateful of meat. But it's gleefully amazing. While we were appetizing the cold-salad and sashimi, she was gorging on meat. Haha.

Loo kept asking where is Clara, who she's with, what will she be doing, why she's not joining us for dinner, when she's coming to meet us. I counter-irritate him with questions on what the subsequent events hold. Damn joker la, he's supposed to make reservations for KTV at his preferred venue at Katong (affordable and economical, says the SMU business analyst). Turns out he said there was too limited time and all the rooms were booked. A trial was conducted towards the end of dinner buffet, it was resolved the available ktvs were extortionately costly, moreover there wasn't any good movies, hence we trailed to the Ink Bar before proceeding to Play nation for Wii (girls' choice).

Wii was ok. Perhaps it's revived the childhood days when I was fascinated with Atari, Sega, Nitando games on Krisworld and the fab X-box. Guess it's the novelty of more interactivity of swinging and seeing your movements being captured on screen that sets it apart from the past game stations. But I derived more fun, laughing at ourselves, doing all those silly movements.

At 3am, I was caught in a little over-dramatic moment, standing by the road in front of Hotel Rendezvous and hailing the stream of approaching cabs with green lights which refused to stop. Loo hailed me a cab eventually, god bless him, but well, it was really tough getting home after a countdown party. Suppose the best is to book the hotel room in advance and put up there for the night. Save all the troubles. As per Christmas.

Happy new year. What's different? There was not spectacular fireworks, no squeezing through sweaty crowds but certain stuff remains: quality time with dear friends, alcohol, the enchanting countdown and fun. What's new? New found joy and better feast this year! Cheers to a better new year!

De one with The Longest Wait

2010-12-29T21:49:00.003+08:00

Sparking to excite

It've arrived! It's here!! It's finally dear!!!

You probably be puzzled what's all the excitement about! *rubs palms together*

A Rose for You

Perfectly happy

All pictures in courtesy of Swarovski online

Yes! Happen to come across the new V-day collection fresh from Swarovski. Boy oh boy.. looks like I need a bigger housing. It's alittle overcrowded with 21 + 2 more. Wheeeeee!!!

De one with Wish List

2010-12-27T21:44:00.001+08:00

Sleigh bells ringing

Frankly speaking, I'm not a difficult person to buy Christmas presents for! For that matter, I just can't comprehend those who think otherwise. Some even confessed of their frustration and vexing over what to buy. *spring noise*.

Come, since it's Christmas, on accord of the festive sharing spirit, lemme share the art of shopping for Jason's present. *trumpet fanfare*

The "reversed" tips...
1) Not anything that comes with a label or out-of-this-world's price tag fits the bill!

    I'm not a girl. It simply won't work if you gave me a 5 carat diamond ring, Tag Heuer or an excessively expensive object that I don't fancy. I'd probably feel bad about you burning a hole in your pocket and hate myself for reacting oppositely to your anticipation, causing disappointment.

    What's is important is preference precedes prices. For certain belongings, I'd only get it specifically from stores where I trust deliver style, uniqueness, intrigued delight, and quality.

2) The heart's gift

The primary purpose of a present is to contain the sender's sincerest thoughts and deliver joy to its recipient. Absolutely, "it's the thought that counts". The bonus is achieved when you boxed something personalised. At least for me, that's a delightful pleasant surprise. Old fashion yet you've gotta admit, it works all the time!

3) Forced surprises ain't surprise at all

    Surprises can't be planned. More than never, it's the plot or course of actions to induce someone to feel surprised that can be planned. Forced surprises ain't really genuine. If it does work with others, that person's definitely faking it. Yep, if I'm surprise, you'll see the radiance glowing in my face. The critical question is what brings surprise to me?

    "Telepathic" gifts never fails to unlock the doors to surprise. Basically, something I never expect that's out of your league but managed to nail it, could be some of my favourite stuff. Yep, that's be thumbs-up. Lastly, something I've never had or seen before that's unique enough to rouse my curiosity or interest.

4) Touching gifts

    If there are no surprises, something heart-melting would suffice. Be it a very accurate, touching message. A little kind gesture. Being a kid at heart, a Sasha bear with puppy-eyes are my weaknesses. Aww... a Kris bear!

This year, I gave out a Dolce-bagful of christmas present. They were daily-calendars which I wrapped in japanese prints, gold ribbons with a origami crane resting on it. Others involved Royce and sugar-houses. Of course, the biggest Christmas gift was a hotel clubhouse overnight. Hmm, I wouldn't judge or brag whether my presents are exquisite or most-anticipated. What matters most is sharing!!

What goes around comes around. I got my fair bit of Christmas gift.

The usual suspects are assorted candies, candy cane, boxes of chocolates, TWG tea leaves, Gingerbread man cookies and lollipop, graduation letter from university (haha), dinner, Christmas greeting card, a Sony-USB (super classic), apple, a Lego LED toy, a runner's arm-stripe for Ipod, towels and a mysterious kiss and hug.

I'm blessed to say, this year's top Xmas present had to go to the kiss which was mere joke which materialised. Haha. TWG came in first runner-up. Also unexpected from my bros. *Applause*

Well, a blessed Merry Christmas to all and look forward to a Happy New Year!

De one with The Can'ters

2010-12-18T23:23:00.003+08:00

Worded confessions

There has got to be a reason why certain people behave and develop varying good and bad personalities. The same applies to everything else. The pianist is only able to wave his fingers across the right octaves after he refers to the music score.

For what's relieving, explanations from psychology-article or behavioral reports are not required in discussion. Instead, the limelight shall fall on the 16th and 17th words of the opening paragraph. For convenience, let's have it shown again: Bad personalities.

Personalities traits have been long-used as a channel to categorise or stereotype humans into groups. Sure the underlying purposes include a variety. One of which primarily governs the reasonable man's (or lady's) reaction towards the appropriate casts of behavioral peculiarities. Another use of identifying and sorting personalities traits indirectly determines our tolerance-threshold towards the under-behaved.

Different people react divergent to common bad personalities. Lemme share herewith a few of the people who make my nerve twitch.

Liars. Lying is a sin. It casts doubts, belittles credibility and ultimately, it leaves you with a sense of betrayal. Like magic, white(-liars) are tolerable. Can't help it for the otherwise. Especially those who lie for their own benefit, lies at the expense of causing others harm and/or the despicable others who fail to repent. The last are the worst lots!

Hypocrites. Shall not deny all human beings are born natural-hypocrites. Personal opinion? Social awareness has gotten our lips half-sealed. This cause developed an effect of fear for liberal speech due to its indeterminable impact on others. Humans, like I've said umpteen times, are emotional creatures. A casual remark might cut another's ego even without any ill-intentions. Nevertheless, just mingling around with people who wear masks, appears friendly with inner feelings totally contradicting, is freakishly horrifying. Imagine the trauma of slicing a fine-looking apple and release it's all maggots on the inside. Yeah, this discovery with human hypocrisy is multiple times of a rotten apple. Don't it just makes my hair stand.

Over-enthusiasts. If you are at a mood-pitching live concert/national day party, I don't mind embracing such self-induced high-ness! Or at least, making an effort to lighten up the atmosphere of a awkward meal. Else, at peace time, let's take it a couple notches down. Being enthusiastic is amiable. Leaping overboard and become uncontrollably enthusiastic can get annoying. It's like a robot that gets excessively charged and turns cuckoo-ly-haywire! I'm sure if there's a baseball bat within reach, I'd smash them to their senses, like how we used to love whacking moles.

Self-centralist. The arrogant peacock finds no mate. Ok, this is not an actual idiom. Rather, a self-made description. The accurate fact is that its underlying meaning can't be more appropriate. There is a difference between confidence and complacency. Although the power of confidence is enduring and impressive most of the time, excessive self-confidence leads to complacency. The complacent fails to see there's room for improvement, learning or continual growth in any aspect. More often than never, one of the labor sowed is a person becoming overly self-centered. With an abusive misconception of possessing certain ample capability, looks or gifts, self-centralist indulges in their strong belief how the world must submit and/or revolve around them. If one is looking for its power switch, perhaps it's best to locate where the pride is. That is where the hard-cable is man.

Mean people. For no reason, meanness never fails to portray the image of a bewildered, twisted face of a wide-eyed Disney step-mother, witch or insane women with over-powdered make-ups and bears her teeth. Usually, mean-people have no sense of humanity in them. Why? Simply because they are bent on depriving others of kindness or the opportunity to be happy. Horrible cruel creatures. Seriously, I have no slightest idea why Lucifer plant such idea in our prefrontal cortex?!

Rowdy-ers. As Ryan Canberra sings, "true..." on empty vessel makes the most noise. Adolescents are commonly perceived to be the culprits for being rowdy. This might seemed inaccurate in today's context, considering kids are simply pampered and spoiled with all the techno-gadgets. I.e. They rather occupy themselves with music or noses within the perimeters of Iphones and Ipad than uttering words. Yet surprisingly, the existence of rowdy people pertains. Gangster-behaving soil-diggers (no offence but I'd prefer a little discretion) still storms the back of transport and make alot of noise. *Shakes head and wriggles index finger* Totally not cool! It's perturbing to hear people who are peace-disturbance or unnecessarily rowdy equivalent. Already hurts our ears having to bear the buzzling of traffic (1 million vehicles in Singapore ok?), why accelerate hearing impairment of your own and those around you? Please.. listen to my words - leave the natural stereos at home already!

Braggers. The measure of wealth and capability has no real meaning. These are extrinsic tools which happen to be reliably measurable and mutually accepted by all as medium for trade. The misconception that money is a measure of social status is largely plotted from financial planners as well as bankers who are skin-deep *censored*. What's true is high possessions of these comes tagged with alot of problems. Thus, isn't it more sensible to share your woes than brag explicitly about what you have? If bragging puts one above others, I'd beg braggers reconsider. The act of public arrogance indicates these people under the lower levels for basic securities and social status within Maslow's pyramid of needs. Now using this as a guide to rank humans in accordance with their priorities of living needs, the answer is clear where they stand.

Complicatedist. These are the people who we need to stir clear for we know not of what their complexities are capable of. Honestly, it's creepy, palpitating to even think of association with such monstrosity. *fingers to temples*. Looks can be deceiving. Trust me, I've been through the torture of deception and dealing with people who appear normal but a mind for all the wrong reasons. I'm afraid these are part of the reason explaining for the survival of psychiatrists.

It's undeniable nobody chooses to be the way they behave, owing to the environment which compels us to defend or retaliate. But looking back as the way it is, the question we need to touch our hearts before answering, did we have a choice for such behavior to be temporary or permanent? Some goes to Church to receive forgiveness so that they can be cleansed of their undesirable traits. Some seek medical help. Myself? I employ less-expenses and routined method: self-reflection. Question my motives and behavior from time to time. Be it after a run, swim to the pool-edge or even on bus-journeys home. We are not perfect saints, we just.. try not be undesirable to ourselves, without harm to others. That's fine enough.

Oh, another thing! This is not really a bad personality but more of a personal opinion. Another "Cant'ers" would be people who tear very easily. Honestly *both palms up* I don't know how to handle such people. My heart turns soft, drenched in guilt regardless whether its my fault. My first reaction would be giving a hug. The least, offer tissue papers. Well, this doesn't always occur as the other party might be who I'm unfamiliar and.. I barely carry tissue papers around. If you try to identify the root of the problem, the weeping might worsen. Urgh, then I'd probably sulk and be completely helpless. Unless you don't have the remote control to your tear ducts, either warn me, tell me the reason before your lacrimation.

De one with All in a Week's Diary

2010-12-11T00:51:00.002+08:00

Huffy

Don't ask me how's my week. Any replies probably wouldn't suffice any accurate description on how I feel.

Tired? Perhaps.. much attributed from excessive use of countless brain cells, trying to solve people's problem, advise, undoing mess and dealing with clients. No, not complaining or voicing my unwillingness. On the contrary, I'm most glad to be consulted, help and expose myself to such challenges. In fact, 'd pretty much looking the situation from a different perspective: Heading to office is as if transforming myself into a doctor. My experience is the All-Spark, giving me the ability to transform. Guiding, training another, like my boss best described - "creating yourself" in another person is a tedious and resulting-ly exhausting process. For that matter, I beg to differ, although I never quite understand why I was told managing people is a crumpling obstacle. Interpersonal relationship is not tough! It's getting people to learn enough to be able to work with you that's a challenge!

Pissed? Swear a Church's visit is imperative if ever was this to be blogged. Anyway, patience is my forte. But don't over-push it. As the moral advice taught: "Do not what you wouldn't have others do upon you", I trust nobody like being troubled by or trouble others. Never liked asserting authority upon others unless certain crucial moment necessary. Especially when dealing with people in their 20's. Personal opinion. Certain innate duty-responsibilities and work-conscientiousness are expected of you. Come on! We are expected to learn on our own, fend our thirst for knowledge, engage in trial and errors, stumble, fall and pick up from where we left! Definitely without the presence of a cane or hawking supervisor. Erm.. that's elementary?

The one scenario that bugs me is when you have troubles and you turn yourself into a smart Alex. No offense on anyone named Alex but seriously, when in doubt, it's better to ask. Couldn't agree more with my manager's advice "It's troublesome enough trying to solve problems. It's even more troublesome rectifying mistakes." That being said, no worries. People might just take it you have a spine and appreciate your fighting spirit. But what happens if a tangled outcome creates itself out of your efforts to take the contentious matter in your hands? The hack-carer's rule of the thumb: Just pass the sticky matter onto others and hope it doesn't come haunting. Others? "Sweep the dust under the carpet"? That's all crap la. The golden rule is to approach advice. Just.. don't come running to us and think we're a form of divine intervention. Sigh.

Soft-hearted? Notwithstanding the reasonableness of what's taught in leadership lectures: True leaders ought to know what ought to be done, to expect and when to/not to be sensitive. Theoretically, as organisational behaviorist examined, a best leader strikes a balance between being objectivity and sensitivity. Unfortunately, strip us to the core, we are still humans with feelings afterall.

To be honest, dealing with people is like pulling a kite which is more commonly related to a case of relationship. Well, almost similar to working with colleagues, the subordinates are like kites, the kite-flyers are the superiors. You must know how to "talak". As far as work is concern, I think no matter how brutally cruel we are, loading people with work, enforce deadlines and ensure they do what's required or expected, we are nevertheless confined by humanity.

Politics are limited or non-present working in close-knitted company. Alot of times, it's inevitable to exercise personal judgement and close an eye to certain matters, as long as it's ethical and doesn't lead to serious consequences. Of course, the safeguard is to confess what you've done, for all we know, we might lack the experience to see a blindside effect.

Rejoice! Yes, shall not discredit the entire week and brand it all bitter like a dark chocolate. There are bright moments that derived me energy, be it smile-inducing, heart-melting or encouragement sprouting, to last me through the stormy days. I watched Tangled (Rapunzel). My recent most-anticipated movie. *Hands to my heart* It's enchanting, the fresh idea of Confucius floating lanterns, and aww... the happy ending, it's perfect. Not forgetting it doesn't require much deciphering and fills your heart with joy. Absolutely delightful show to catch after a week of sluggering. And I must reiterate, I prefer girls with long hair. Haha.

There's a time for everything. For everything else, thank goodness there's rest, not Mastercard, Visa or anything. Haha.. For now, I'm tuning in.

De one with Unintended

2010-12-08T23:08:00.001+08:00

Honesty speaking

I never meant to do what I did. Getting myself into unnecessary headaches, rash action bound to an act of defending my pride.

But.. uncontrollably, resistance weak. Cross my heart, no malicious intention meant...

De one with Sabbatical Part II

2010-12-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

Radiating heat

Sunday wasn't that bad. I'd say the expected occurred. The unexpected took place too. Which was in fact, a compliment to the last hours of my Sabbatical.

My first experience with Standard Chartered Run was fairly good. Pre-empting the crowd and road closure, I exercised prudence and used the train instead of arriving at the run destination in a cab. Getting out at 6:30 - 7pm, it feels like I've step back into time the moment I exposed myself to the cold atmosphere and transformed into a school-boy. The quiet dim morning, pavement shone of orange street lamp-lights and occasional croaking of the morning bird. Yeah.. and the "not-so" good-old-days when I've to drag myself outta bed and freshen up in order to be punctual for JC.

While savoring a piece of the past, never did I expect to find myself amused being amongst others wearing identical clothing. Like we're all in uniform on our way to the same school, or wearing red to attend the national day parade. Patriotic eh..

Within the next two hours, it never occur to me that my deemed deteriorated stamina had exceeded my expectation. Managed to run through the race, in spite of worries that my kneel problem might surface once again. Boy, you should have seen and felt the Vitamin-D rich sunlight of the Sunday morning. Dehydrating but still, it's warming-ly motivating, as if God's encouraging me to keep running consistently.

People give that kinda "disappointed" look or tone when I inform my SCM was only 10km. I didn't bothered to explain why. It's all the experience that count. Perhaps 42.5km next year.

Supposedly shagged and famished after the run, everyone was in agony. I could feel it just by seeing the expression on their faces. Not boasting but I felt extraordinarily fine. Something's wrong with my muscle reflexes? Puzzling.

After a half hour ride in a bus, surprisingly, we satisfied my craving for pasta (carbohydrate replenishment after the morning's run on an empty stomach) and movie, Narnia. Which I found, not bad. I guess the film finally got additional funds seeing all the animation, effects. But the 3D glasses tinted the show. 3D pop-up effect wasn't that obvious, probably due to the seats were at.

It was a rather eventful day, although I collapsed soon after bringing myself home. The sun sets, the country music playing in my head. Watering eyes brimmed the corners of my eyes as I yawned my tiredness light. And I thought, what a beautiful and blessed weekend I've had.

De one with Intermission

2010-12-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

Air-bubbled thoughts

I want a trendy Rolex.
I want more Swarovski bears.
I need the human touch,
And I want a cool gym bag.

I crave for stamina,
The ones I used to have.
I want a slick Imac,
And I hope all are there.

De one with Sabbatical Part 1

2010-12-04T23:01:00.000+08:00

Saccharin Saturday

What did I do today? Work up pretty early. As I remember my un-focused glimpse of the lighten Nexus screen during my sub-conscious state of mind, reveille was between 8-9am. Wanted very much to run but I thought, since it's the big event tomorrow, I shall stir clear any troubles or over-exertion on my muscles. Furthermore, it just heal from the strenuous aftermath of paintball activity.

Ok, procrastinating laziness conspired in the run abortion project this morning.

Anyway, I was awoke to have a chinese-style breakfast. Noodles from my all-time favourite store. Cousin bought it for me. Yeay. After a hearty meal, decided to rid my long unkempt hair and braved the wet weather to the vicinity's saloon. There, the wait was unbearable. I supposed i waited almost an hour before my turn. What to do, a boy gotta do to what needs his hair to do. Haha.

Anyway, went back home, met for tea with Clara at Novena. End up buying a couple of stuff for the Xmas present, art materials for decorating my manager's present and kimchi for dinner. Yes, I cook. Without the apron please. Get that out of your imagination.

The evening ended better than expected. Typical rest day. Uneventful. Looking forward to the run though. I could really use some perspiration after a week's of labor.

De one with Coming Clear

2010-12-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

Whining

Really jaded. Having people's problems loaded under my wing only aggravates my headaches and pain. Darn it. No doubt it's part of learning from an optimistic view. Yet, it's pretty taxing and it's causing prematured ageing. *Palms out* I am shagged. It's even harder than studying for exams.

De one with Splashed Weekends

2010-11-28T21:03:00.001+08:00

Downpour

All week long I have been looking forward to weekends. This is yet another sports week.

Was lucky enough to be invited to go for a swim and sunbathing with my "swimming instructoress". Haha. Yup, I recalled our free "swimming lessons" at Yio Chu Kang. It's highly unusual for me to embark on radical adventures without clause. If questioned now, I barely remember why or how was I intrigued to learn how to swim back then.

Long stories cut short. That's all in the past, what matters is now. Despite my deprived sleep the night before, I was astonished to find myself waking at 7+ in the morning. The tiny golden angel got Kylie and Nicky to sing and have me awake to be punctual. He even resorted to have the sprites orchestra to play a morning fanfare. Pity to see his bona fide efforts go to waste, for the opal imp had bribed exhaustion to have his troops poisoned my muscles. I swear I heard him chant in rejoice: Abortion of morning run plan is inevitable!"

Good triumphs over evil eventually. I woke up in a nifty, disseminated text messages and left for my appointment after grabbing all the essential stuff into my bag. Perhaps the angel reported to God, who in turn have Apollo ride his chariots of fire to keep the skies clear and the edifice sun shining its glory.

The swim wasn't that bad, in spite of the kids influx. School holidays, sigh. What else to do. But the crowd subsided coming close to 12 when my swimming buddy and I were in comfort benches, incubating ourselves like chicken fillet on the BBQ metal grill.

The sun retired some 2 hours later, figured it out frivolous to remain lying and decided to hit the pool again. Shortly after, we left for lunch! Lunch was a whole new experience. Gotta hand it to my extraordinarily flicker-minded this afternoon. What was decided on chicken rice changed to foodcourt where she had yong tau fu and I had beef noodles. Man, I reminisce my childhood sundays, having beef noodles with my family. Mummy would always organise such bonding-events.

Anyway, no time for weeping. We shopped for a cheap long-sleeve clothing and hang around the venue until Clara needed to buy weird stuff at Balestier.

It was a long long long dehydrating walk, trekking uphills and over. Only to arrive at a shop which had relocated some 500 metres away. No choice lor, gotta travel on bus 11: by foot. I got a running stomach, must be my dinner rumble yesterday. End up, we bought nothing. Sigh.

Remember my long-sleeve clothing? It was for the purpose of Sunday's activity - Paintball. Just by saying it, my eyes glow with excitement. My anticipation of permanent paint stains on the outfit and bruising stings from being shot didn't actually materialised. At the end of it, the unexpected superseded the expected. It rained, the fields were muddy, my jeans were stained by mud, not paint splashes. There wasn't much bruise except a smudge on left shoulder blade. Lucky star's shinning on me. But my finger had a slight cut. It's pretty tiring, running back and forth. Think I'm getting old. Haha.

We played three. Team won two out of three matches. I think I didn't have much to contribute. Lol. It was pretty chaotic, fast-ball and the rain only makes the game even more muffled and urgh.. the mask fogging due to the cool climate and our warm breathe. For what is worth, it's pretty stress relieving to fire off the unexpanded rounds. Finally comprehend why people love "Call of duty", "Counterstrike"; "Live shooting" at arcades, dota-gound and for the wealthy, rifle-range. Be warned, it's expensive. Haha.

Felt the need to purchase my Xmas gift and wrapper. Again, my initial plans kept changing course. I eradicated the traditional wrapping idea and tried something boldly contemporary. Got my grinning. Love it. Well, it's less than a month to the remarkable day when Jesus was borned. Have you started checking your Christmas shopping list already?

De one with Dr. Jason

2010-11-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

Clinic day

Since the departure of my senior for his exam leave, work place seemed to have magically transform itself into a clinic. There's not sexy or demure nurses. Just two patients. Who's on duty? That would have to be me, Dr. Jason.

Consultation hours commence half past eight. That's 30 minutes earlier than average clinics and medical centres. And guess what, the doctor's always there to provide personalised services, on-the-spot remedies to guarantee your functional efficiency to the maximum. And the best part, it's F.O.C from an non-economical perspective.

Dr. Jason's just amazing. His hands cure with miraculous wisdom-soaked writings, these in a language known as accounting and math. Choices of aromatic and music therapies are available through the cologne he offers and that tranquil voice. Did I forget his latest ability? Laser-eyes! The state-of-the-bio offers the patients sharp scanning and fair analysis your problems. It's unbelievable! It's jaw-dropping! It's!! Dr. Jason.

Of course, Adam Smith wouldn't stand for what Dr. Jason worded above! The founder of economist might just prosecute me for disregarding the opportunity cost of the deprived luxury of scheduling my work. Alas, its Walter Woon who stepped into the trial, shoving his notes of non-pecuniary losses I've incurred over my course of duty: Weariness; the Waterloo plague on thy brain cells colony; sleepless nights of the body.

What does Dr. Jason prescribe? Knowledge (I hope) and "solutions" obviously.

De one with Super Curry Monday

2010-11-23T00:21:00.001+08:00

Monday blues

Early morning I text my good friend since JC, "Qing, it's settlement date for overdue meet-up debts". Intended as a joke, this cranky lady replied seriously : "Ok, today! Any plans for today?"

After what seemed like decades, the two of us are as nostalgically crazy as before. We met up, laughed endlessly, and varied our chats within bandwidths of "serious", "not-so-serious" and "insanely senseless".

She brought me to Super Curry, a japanese curry rice restaurant with pretty nice ambiance, nested within the street Capitol shop-houses along Stamford Road. The initial seats (10 metres from the entrance) offered were less than expected. "Ask and it shall be given" indeed, I did and landed ourselves in the a comfortable, slouchy couch seats deeper into the restaurant. Perfect place for two crazy person to gossip over dinner.

Not really all about gossip la. After dinner, we practically held our glasses and slouched back against the cushy couch. My dinner companion shared her wedding photos, talked about a mishap during the photoshoot. I doled my work situation, CPA inspirations, tax matters and whole lot of humorous experiences with clients, subordinates.

At the end of our hour-ful conversational dinner, we staged a minor drama when we forced our cards towards the cashier. Every part was funny. We took a fair bit of time deciding which curry food to order. Initially I had curry stewed chicken with rice in mind. She wanted curry chicken katsu with rice. End up, we discarded our initial choice, I order what she had in mind. She changed her mind from ordering my initial contemplation and flicked her decision on noodles. Damn hilarious.

The most amusing part was, she bought me a belated birthday gift: ROYCE chocolate! Precisely the same thing my close friend gave me on the actual birthday! Hahaha! Uncanny indeed! Now great, I've to spend another month clearing this chunk of blessed gift! The week keeps getting more gelare since Clara's awfully chocolate cake. :S

Yet nonetheless touched. Two extremely busy persons, crazy as ever as we continued to travel into the milestones of friendship since the good old JC band days till approaching years.

Monday blues? Curry Qing and it's not anymore!

De one with Break Time

2010-11-21T00:18:00.002+08:00

Have a break, without a Kitkat

Alot says I worked too much. When it comes to weekends, it's usually work or head outdoors to thrive the economy. Today, I finally shed my armor sewn with career responsibilities and finally took a break.

The iconic advertisement tagline might say "Have a break, Have a Kit Kat" (Kit Kat advertising, 1950s), today, well.. indeed there's a break alright, there isn't any chocolate bars involved. Sorry gals with sweet tooth and thoughts of me eating your chocolate bars. To compensate what's good's missing, there's long-distance run to and at MacRitche reservoir, a satisfied finishing prior to packing my bag swiftly, headed out to Expo for my race-kit collection.

Surprising to the kit-collectors, including myself, the process was alot faster than expected. Even in the evening! We were dining at the airport, discussed and concluded perhaps a justification to the primed collection had to do with the crowd who probably delayed their claims over the weekends. It's happening at Expo for goodness sake!

Dinner was delicious. There was salad, seafood, chunky fries and Earthquake ice-cream (our very first Trio expedition after two successful victory involving just Clara and me previously). I was thinking, man.. all my labour from the sports activities engaged earlier - the run, the swim were counter-acted.

Oh, I had fun exploring another side of the East today. The part Nth of Dong You Ji ("expedition to the East" in Mandarin) I'd term it. Took me awhile to locate the swimming complex. First was finding the locker. Damn cock. After depositing all my valuables and loading 20 cents into the coin slot of the locker, I closed the door and turned the key. It refused to barge. My first reaction was "Sh*t, I traveled so far just to land myself with a faulty locker". And then, I looked closely, ah! The remedy was staring in my face! It's 2 x 20 cents. Haha. Super unglam.

Next, a quick scan didn't reveal any tanning beds. For a moment the sappy disappointment took over. I thought, sigh, since I've paid for the entrance and here, why not make the best out of it. I swam a couple half-laps and tar-ta! The tanning benches are all on the second storey. Cool! But i didn't approach my desire spot immediately. Waited until the sun shown its magnificent self.

But I must say, the location of the benches were good. As though the architect was a fengshui master. It's strategically placed to enable the commuters to get un-interfered exposure to sunlight. Largely due to its elevated platform I figured.

Tonight, I announced the end of my "mozza stick" affair at TCC. Yes, I'm finally sick of it. Haha. But a bitter-salt decision with the food didn't spoil the night. We had fun playing "Saboteur" at the most unexpected Macdonalds at cinema (that brought back undesirable experience). Haha. It's good old times, the three of us all the way till 2ish a.m.

The perspiration, the laughter and time subsided but the joy and the tan-complexion remained. As we cabbed home and a sine cera prayer for a chum who was already at home, battling with influenza.

De one with Extravengaza Week

2010-11-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

Crazy week

This week was the one I've been looking most forward to! Trust me, it's crazy. Monday wasn't that good. Suffered alittle pinched headache.

Tuesday, yesterday, was like consuming a smelly doufu. The initial part is repulsive to the taste bud and pungent to the nose but it turn out someone'd kicked the bucket of magic dust off the clouds, it precipitated to end the day fine eventually.

Unpleasant story are better cut short. My Dolce shoes got drenched in the rain, I searched high and low Parco Bugis for a cake that was fit for vegetarian consumption. Boy, that's the ultimate silliest thing I've inquired with the cake-retailers. Instructions given wasn't reasonable. Try making out whether the eggs used in making the cake was kampong chicken or daily farmer's egg. Sigh. Elementarily, how can a cake be without egg or milk?

To top things, instructions weren't ever clear. I felt being twirled around the instructor's finger, who was highly uncertained. Only when I finally arrived at the restaurant did the rest tell me the birthday guy is fine with just any cake. I was pissed, I wouldn't deny after all that folly you guys put me through but yea, what's a birthday without a cake. Hasty feet got me out of the restaurant, out in the cold weather to grab a cake.

Dinner wasn't good at all. Japanese cuisine. I'd say nothing japanese about it except a table-full of dough and artificial flavouring? At the end, what's the point of being negative. What goes around, comes around. It's only courteous to spend birthday according to the person's wish. It is precisely owing to this I didn't hold a grudge on the cake issue.

Aww.. I got myself out of the sticky situation and rushed down to Ion to collect the awfully chocolatey cake for my good and bestest friend on her *sensored* birthday. Haa! You bet, it's awfully affordable, awfully wrong and awfully wasted. I got the smallest size they could offer - a 1kg for 6 eaters. Individual portion became larger since there was five of us at KTV-ing at Katong. Perhaps they ate too much ramen for dinner, some couldn't finish the cake, nevermind. Still complain wanna puke. Urgh, for a moment I felt unappreciated lor.. *shrugs* I'm at the mercy of a birthday participant rules. I think rule number one is: Never ruin another birthday party.

Thankfully, the KTV session was better than expected. Discovered I was pretty good with reading certain mandarin lyrics with less difficulty than I expected it to be. Not to mention, singing songs which I'm only familiar with its tune. The night was too young to head home, had a chillout session and breakfast at the airport. 24 hours awake. It's just great.

Learning new things, be it out of good or bad originating reasons, circumstances and outcomes, enriches our lives. I had my fair bit of learning today. Learning only gets better, so does my satisfaction and conviction that my life is closer to living to its fullest. Cheers.

De one with Change of Ends

2010-11-14T22:26:00.001+08:00

Rain, winds and change

=)

It's as though the rain had come and washed all the gloominess away. When you look into the skies, the glistering rain drops reflecting the soft evening glow. Not faraway behind, the grey clouds are no longer in view. It has been replaced with clear skies, white shades of cotton-bud looking patches, the spectacular rainbow arched cross the tranquil reservoir view before me.

Weekend didn't seemed as bad as I expected it on Thursday. I stopped myself from going back to work over the weekends. Slept till 8:45, 9ish, my body's refreshed (though skin's peeling gradually from last week's tan). I did nothing but rest, do jogging, be sun-kissed if possible, else, just blog (haha, be thankful because on these days did I get to blog), draw alittle, update my song list for the forthcoming KTV session if there is. Leisure... finally.

Did I forget to mention there was wine? Haha. Yup, my lips touched wine again after a month.

What is weekend without going out? Met Zhen Ze, Guang Hui and Xue Yun out for a get together. I turned up late. But it was alright, four future accountants. Maybe three and another inspiring future financial analyst, chatted about our prospect. Birds of the feather do flock together. We ended pretty early, plus the restaurant was packed, so we left our seats for the nearby Coffee Club for catching up over coffee. We shared quite a bit, about our graduation trip, convocation, current work situation.

Meeting with these uni pals are joy. Never fails to learn in our chat. Ze's the expert in excel, he shared about Spain, his Europe trip, voucher-offering website. Guang Hui pointed out the bad message some credit card ads was portraying, shared about Paranormal movie, and his new work experience with his assistant manager, "AM". With Xue Yun, it feels more comfortable taking. I recall I was pretty quiet in her presence in campus. It was just great!

After short hours, I had to leave. My good friend happened to be in town with her friends, Twinkle, and SJ. I felt so proud of myself la, frequency of traveling in public transport shot up particular over the past week. My brisked arrival have us meeting at Maritus and when to one of our normal where-to-go-when-we-are-out-of-ideas TCC. I explained my set of problems for the week, it was like a trouble spring-cleaning over our stroll along town.

Oh alrighty, she cut her fringe. Look kinda amusing la. Not in a terrible-comic but a novice kinda candid feeling since I'm seeing it for the first time. I laughed. But I gotta admit, the new "Chinadoll" look, it takes alittle getting used to. Faint, my close friend who never fail to shock, amaze and entertain me with her varying hairstyles.

I thought it was gonna be another long, boring night. Turns out we had a fun time, we were opening criticising each other. My actions embarrasses her. She kept flaunting behaviors which kept me saying sexist remarks. What prevent us was strangling each other's neck and her fork (for the Mozza sticks) from landing into my eye were the crowd. Lol. But there was alot of laughter, it feels like our 8 year friendship still got it!

I can't help thinking about next week's events, forthcoming paintball (wooohoo, most dreamed of) and our approaching Xmas eve special!

So, the weekends. Lovely text messages, heart-lifting accompany and half bottle of Shiraz, what a little piece of heaven!

De one with The Opposites

2010-11-13T13:04:00.001+08:00

Confession of the multi-personalities

Dissociative identity disorder or multiple personalities didn't surface to make known of its existence until I caught a series of Ally Mcbeal with a character with such extraordinary condition. Amazing and frightening at the same time, this psychiatric diagnosis is both a curse and a blessing, depending on different perspectives.

Without prejudice or intent to mean any offense to concerned readers, I often taunt my friends with self-imposed "split personalities". This, very much born from my desires for a twin brother, was the next best alternative to feel like I have an actual twin. Both within myself. It was a brilliant idea. But I've gotta admit, it's an excuse for me to buy things without guilt. Haha. Bet my pals must be grinning coz they are pretty convinced their judgement or suspicion were accurate.

Now holding on to your knowledge of multiple personalities, conjure your impression of someone who acts differently inside and outside of his skin. Of course! Besides the deliriously obvious fact that any child would notice: one is involuntary, another is out of our freewill and control, wouldn't you agree with me on their similarity of surface behavioral differences? If it doesn't, you just gotta screw that thinking bulb alittle deeper into your IQ socket.. If it doesn't work, try the alternative indicating "EQ". Haha

Screw in your bulb and prepare to blow the tungsten filament (figures of speech). *fanning away the smoke in the air* Well, what I'm trying to say, thinking less complicatedly, its a thin line between adopting multiple personalities and being hypocritical. Yes, indeed. Before this gets any further ambiguous, the former means changing the way we react to the appropriate environment and circumstances. Simply because of unspoken requirements to be socially demure. Yes, you could bring morale in here. What is morally right to behave.

The latter, on the other hand, exceed the normal expected reactions or going overboard for selfish gains or avoidance of discredit to ourselves.

But what about others who doesn't know how to distinct the two and live life eccentrically between the earlier mentioned?

As much as I'm not a qualified psychiatrist, I believe it's sad but dangerous. A heart-gripping sin (not in a condemnation manner) but undesirable indulgence we tend to slip into without realising, everytime we are landed in hot soup or the apprehension of the current mistakes we made. 100% natural reaction to repulse whatever faults that's gonna impact us.

There's a Hokkien saying "Diam gou gah si liang" which literally translate into "the bite of a quiet dog is the fatal". The masses couldn't agree more because we are afraid what quiet people are capable of when their tolerance is overwhelmed. One of the principal sinister masters are those who mastermind without voice. Owing to this, we are unable to discover them nor evaluate the degree of damage of their plots. Ok, perhaps my descriptions are alittle overrated. Let's just say those people who appear smiling could have done so with an agenda or sorrows beyond any imaged.

Personally, I dislike hyprocrites. Don't wanna turn into one either. Telling a white lie is fine but let's leave the overboardness at church or temples. But there are times I act otherwise to protect our pride, people we care for.

Like at work, we priorities and scrap off any emotional intonations while we take to client and fellow colleagues. At home, we learnt about about respecting each other. With friends, we need to be over-sensitive, careful not to offend, taunt or give others the wrong ideas. Eventually, it's a tough balance and true enough, wouldn't you agree the distinction between hypocrisy and social etiquette is blurred?

This is when people raise the guidance from religions. Notwithstanding Dan Brown's fictions on religion, by at large, people strongly believe the ultimate goal of religion is to uphold righteousness and goodness. Hmm, pardon my generalisation. I won't ellborate further into what the true lessons of religion are but ya, I mean, real as it is, no religion would teach you to be bad. The more tolerable mark would be repentance which eventually requires one who have did bad to turn around from continuing his mistakes.

So what happens after knowing the opposites in behavior? I normally take a breath. Reset my thoughts before looking at the issue with fresh mind. Wouldn't deny there are times when I do regret. And nope, it doesn't have to be the case where I make it a point to repent every mistakes I've made. Instead, the correct course of behavior should be cultivated naturally.

They say, the older we get, the less stress, hence a milder temper. Most of us submit to our slowing bodies movements and present ourselves with more time to process things. Of course, it doesn't mean we are aging if similar long period of thoughts prevails now. What I'm trying to drive here is anxiety is something that can be resolved. I constantly remind myself "there's always a time for everything" Patience and open-mindedness, two virtues difficult to craft, are one of the most efficient and effective key to curb our anxiety too. Especially in a fast-paced and rather cynical world we are surviving in.

De one with Ally Thine

2010-11-06T21:43:00.006+08:00

Night and rain outside

With dragging sigh, the sparks flaked sides
What's left are fragments of tears in tides.
See the ornaments shimmered in moody lune-light,
Till the come of curtain rains unite.

The silver boy had left some precious like crescent dime
Short periods before taking to blacken sea dive.
Thy blurry gazes longly t'ward smear of lights
Departing faraway borders that glowed with pride.

Thy hands are tied, my lips are dried.
Struggle tonnes hard and futile fights.
Thy worry concerns thee never sight
Faint desires stranded to trapped kites.

Had only the thoughts of wind conjure to thee
Regard not thine painful stride.
For yearned fonder lodes of impassive joy,
In matters of hours' waits and courage strikes.

Fear not thy child of uncertain prays
I'd wished thy mum's calm nurture-guide.
Smile without gloominess thy child of right
I'd wished thy dad's nice console-vise.

Had only time wizards or top divines
Grant thee thy arch of heavenly ties.
With wits and willingness for daring heights
Nods and kisses thy clasps to binds.

De one with Di(sappoint)party

2010-11-06T02:16:00.003+08:00

Trio out on Friday

Suspect its my over-sensitivity that's playing tricks on my mind. Keep having this commotion doubts dwelling on why everyone's behaving weird and allowing this atmosphere of awkwardness while taking me out. I was like "zhi high" (slang for self-enthusiastic in Mandarin) in attempts to dissolve the throat-swallowing moment. I bet I activated all that's left of my bubbly cells to dissuade any unhealthy thoughts to create conversation amongst the ghostly souls around me. Ha!

What was initially planned didn't materialise. Fortunately for what is worth, my dear friends took me out for a decent dinner, an adorable movie and a pretty intensified coffee chillout session. The meal was fresh experience. Dinning at a place I've never been to. It's Chinese-Taiwanese food. Sounds yummy?

Captured the movie Megamind in 3D. At least the good thing was despite the visor's incapability of delivering sharp 3D effect, it felt light on my nose. I recalled a poor experience with the heavy visor while watching UP in 3D. For as long as I remembered, it kept slipping off the bridge of my nose repeatedly.

Besides the glasses that was good, another point worth mentioning was having noticed the plots of Dreamworks' recent animated movies had became more sophisticated! The characters are getting more witty. The languages are no longer just vocalised as simple as black and white lines, ie to say, scripts are contains a handful of hidden meanings. Maybe that's what's nurturing present youths to become more mind-stimulating and in turn, more intelligent?

Coffee at TCC. I fell in love with their Mozza sticks. Deep in the pits of my heart where the health-conscience lives knows this dish is a sin-inducer. Pretty sad thing? Desire triumphs the odds with present steps into the terrific comfy-cosy (TCC) cafe. To spice the melancholy away, I tried a different drink too. Azuki coffee. Hmm... *takes a deep breath* perhaps it's the pre-Christmas festive anticipation, it seemed fine to taste alittle of chocolate.

So ya, this was how deepavali was "celebrated". Slight disappointingly. Yet, not really entirely.

De one with Fallen Ill

2010-11-01T21:28:00.001+08:00

Illed

Never occur to me those scallops were either bad or my stomach was incapable of dealing with them. My lunch partners seemed fine and healthy after the meal. Unfortunately, the World War Xth manifested in my stomach and man.. the enzymes troops and hydrochloric team had raised the white flag.

Not only did it ruin my weekly run, it cause other damages like causing me to curl up in bed, feeling all nauseous with an unbearable half-aching, half-rumbling stomach. I must say, this discomfort second to the daunting effects of stomach flu. Both are equally bugging.

I said, this can't be it, I can't waste myself in bed. Since I need to lie down and rest, I'd might as well do it while sunbathing under the bright and sunny weather which was too good to be missed.

Suntan? Ticked. The second part to the tragedy of ill: effects from medication. What had been prescribed was to slow digestion. Supposedly a good thing since it stops the excretion. Bad side? It's too effective. I end up feeling so blotted after frequent hydration after the sunbath. I swear I could feel the liquid leveling itself within the rib-cage guarded "pouch", as though a few styrofoam had been stuffed herein earlier. Urgh. I dislike this sucky unwellness. =X

De one with "Uncle"

2010-10-26T23:13:00.001+08:00

What the...

http://www.sandeepkejriwal.com/illusions.htm

Was waiting at the taxi stand when this little girl, 5-6 years of age, sat too near me and her mother said "Natasha, can you shift yourself towards Mummy. Your legs are kicking korkor ("elder brother" in baby language)."

"He's not korkor! He's uncle!" retorted the young and silly.

The mother was alittle paiseh ("embarrassed" in hokkien). Immediately, she pursue-ly corrected her daughter's casual remark, "He's korkor." The ignorant girl cut in before her mother could finish her sentence: "The man driving the taxi is korkor."

I couldn't help but be amused as I eavesdropped to the mother and daughter conversation. The enjoyment wasn't born of the contents of the conversation. Rather, it was the imagination of different scenarios on how I could have responded to what had unfold before my ears. I shall not be selfish. Let me bring you through these:

1) Dwell over the girl's comment, get paranoid eventually because my appearance is at stake

Within 2 minutes, I'd be anxiously see myself in the reflection of my Nexus screen. Get worried and head home, literally computing all the reasons for my youth appearance deterioration. Debate and justify how to deter the worse from getting worst. And sulk for the next 30 days.

2) Firmed my lips and boil within

Most probably I'd turn over to look at the girl. With menacing, bloodshot eyes with a murderous aura behind me. Perhaps a backdrop with a decay, melting surrounding might just be perfect to emphasize the situation. Someone stop me before my ferociousness unleashed! Most likely my Nexus' create a memorable souvenir-dent, twist her leg or stuff my Dolce's into her mouth. Omg.

3) Let it pass and don't bother at all. It's just a girl.

Smile and maintain fine composure. The ultimate blend of the four seasons. Not too warm, too springy, too depressing nor cold.

*Drum-roll*

I strongly believe alot must have chosen (1) or (2). Seriously, I actually lived (3). I couldn't care less. continued to solve the game on Nexus. If there was anything to worry about, priority should land over the girl's delusion. Oh dear.

De one with A Sigh, Relieve and Fine

2010-10-23T20:04:00.001+08:00

Finally, something to smile about

Sometimes I find myself so caught up with fighting to think about, achieve and sort out. Before I know it, my feets are aching and barely on the ground anymore.

These are the times I need to take a moment to pat myself on my head and heavy shoulders, and lightly compliment myself: "Boy, you're doing fine. No "buts" or "maybe", you're doing just fine."

Doing that now... let go and gain some. Gone are the stress, tensions and dilemmas. Gain is the stable soul that feels safe and fine. =)

De one with Contemplate and Reconsider

2010-10-21T23:37:00.001+08:00

Fumes of sighs

It's nice to be caught in a sweet dream, be smitten and all. Like I said, we need to wake up to live those dreams. If live circumstances doesn't permit. I mean, why continue living a dream that's hard living it.

IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP! Wasted my time to contemplate and reconsider when there's nothing to start with in the first place. As the saying goes: "Chang tong bu ru duan tong (short term pain is easier to deal with as compared to terminal misery in Mandarin). Snip it and fend off all self-inflicted injuries before it gets worse.

De one with Hard Decisions

2010-10-21T00:04:00.001+08:00

Resolution day

I always have the solutions to my troubles. The mind is my route-map. Alternatives, desperate measures, last resorts, witty tricks, innovative gimmicks. You name it, it has it. Refusal is not in my dictionary. If that word attempts to creep into the registry of words, fat chance it would succeed on its intrusion.

I felt so much better voicing out my thoughts, be it from my heart or brain. More than never, we tend to be clouded with doubts, dilemmas and fright because we are either afraid of accepting reality blatantly right under our noses, or we fear the consequences of regret that will haunt us years down the road.

I always have the decision made. Right decision of course even before I ask what's next. Yet, my wilded mind could only yearn so dramatically hard towards a hopeful thought that's radical from reality. Not that I refuse facing reality, I just don't wanna shortchange myself.

De one with Commitment

2010-10-10T23:03:00.001+08:00

Dedicated to those vulnerable

We were taught in schools questions are essential to acquire knowledge. Simple questions, in particular, are most frequently used, not mainly because they are easily comprehended and thus, direct answers could be given. For example, how are you today? I'm fine, thank you. How nice of you to ask.

The paradox sets in when we all grow up... eventually to learn that certain "simple" questions may require the majority to hesitate. Especially when we know the consequences these questions carry. For example, questions which give rise to "commitment".

Commitment issues are easy for some. Genuinely the young generations often find themselves with the strong hunger to accomplish a sense of belonging / self identity. It's a common perception but myth that the males have problems towards committing themselves as compared to the opposite sex and remaining sexuality preferenc-ees who surface more prominently with recent society progress.

I have friends who are females and have troubles committing. Well, let's not dwell into a battle of the sexes to justify who's most fallible to commitment-resistors. Rather *snaps my finger*, focus on the reasons why people have troubles committing themselves.

I asked my long-ruler which had been around even before the year I was born. It seemed the poor ruler had chipped off a few inches, it's broken part now scotched-taped with ridge-edges due to it's history. It responded: "I've been through too many relationships. I feel being used after countless times of being hurt. This one time someone hurt me so hard, snapped and well, the scar just wouldn't heal completed after the wound was mend. Overtime you grow skeptic 'cause you just can't see putting yourself through all the pain again. Once, twice are okay. But after that, you lose faith."

The mingling ester lured my sense of smell. It seemed the Channel wishes to say its view. "Louve iz only but pe-lor-dic(h). You ca'nt get enoug(f) of(h) it when itz s(z)weet and most import-tantly, when you feel needed. But af(h)-ter a couple of months, things turn blend or my inte-rezt wi(n)ll dry up.. deplete (if you want it put crudely). Considering I'm highly desirable, don(ch) you think itz only fair for me to be apprec(oo)iate by thoze who "needz" me b(u)d-ly for a change?" *Squints* "Szee, louve iz like va-po(u)rization. Wee... itk tinklez at the start and after awhile, it va-linishez and be go(o)ne wit de wind. Pardon my french." That moment, I couldn't help but think how something in the closet might reply somewhat similar.

Indeed, it did.

"What commitment? No commitment!, exclaims the "Extra-safe" Durex condom arrogantly. "Read here, it says "for pleasure only". Oh come on, everyone's into the mutual fun. We meet, we heat and you strip me off. That's life, enjoy to the fullest while you still can! Cause we can can can! Yes we can can can! WooT! If you don't mind, I need to get washed before I get repackaged for my next adventure with Whisper. Together we feel "light and free" again!"

I swallowed, sat back to review the possible reasons gather. While some fear commitment because of the damage they have been through, others simply wouldn't give up their chance with freedom and the need to live a self-fulfilling lifestyle. Selfish but it's true.

"Well darling, don't think of it as an act of selfishness. You'll commit. Just don't settle for anything less. I'm the best example. Love can't sustain you to live. Should any mishap happen. To me, the best policy is", the Gucci belt demanded, who was obviously eavesdropping on my thoughts.

"Is to be honest?" I struggled to grin as I replied.

"Incorrect darling... it's to have cash. That's why I'm often found beside the piggy bank. Though he's such a pig, but as long as I get maintained, commitment is just a certificate which your name on it, after a price is paid."

I looked at the shiny parts from where the answer came from, pretty sure such commitment cost alot for something so expensive in taste.

"Don't listen! To Gucci! People disflavor. Commit-ment. Primarily. We. Need. Space. to breathe. Without. Air. We'll be suffocate. Like. Me!" panted, the deflating balloon. "See.. 'm tied down. All. the. time. Hey! Having. said. so much. Would you. blow. me. Please?"

Ok, I need to go to the toilet. I thought.

The toothbrush holder greeted me when he saw me rushed in and closing the door. "Are you alright kid?" I gestured him in response that I'm fine.

When asked if it's true people fear commitment because they need personal space? "You know kid, I might have to agree to a certain extent. Look at me, I only have so much space and time to accommodate family, friends, work, even guests when they are invited over for overnighters. You've gotta assure yourself of having the extra capacity. I guess alot ain't that efficient/sorted out in their life and time management. We get tarnished overtime, busily occupied with what we hold. But family and friends gets priority. Perhaps that's the reason people ponder before committing to one more."

For a moment, I stared blankly at the marbled titled floor. It wasn't for long something sparkled when the sunray shone in through the tilted windows. It was a tarnished key chain. "Oh, don't bother. If you were to ask me mate, I wouldn't even dare considering being involved with commitment. Look at me! The blatant fact that I'm in such a state, no one would even reconsider been anywhere attached to me."

Rub the spots with a polishing cloth and the chain turned out shiny as the tag read "Tiffany & Co. 1978". It seemed low self-esteem might be another barrier to commitment. Alot of times we just need to re-prioritise, or groom ourselves. "Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow. Lies the seed that, with the sun's love in the spring, becomes a rose" - Bette Midler.

Commitment is easy for the young and passionate. For some it's a concealer to derive momentary pleasure. Others, a hope yet to come through. Although it is entangled in our daily lives, alot of us overlook and fail to realise how our presence mattered.

But still, I'd say the best reasons a two pin plug and a power point. "We could be fitted by force but either one is gonna get damaged or the entire circuit blows. Which obviously prove why commitment is impossible."

"But with the right connection, the right plug, we might just hit it well."

Yes I couldn't agree more. Commitment problems can be resolved. The key is to have something that would connect, especially one which both parties could fit comfortably into.

(Pictures are in courtesy of google.com)

De one with Clatters

2010-10-09T16:01:00.000+08:00

Pardon my mandarin. Had I not remember wrongly, there's a proverb which says when a dog barks, a hundred hounds will follow. It meant to say when one makes comment, the remaining population would do autonomously.

Owe it to "zhi ye bing "(Chinese: a habit of letting your profession traits guide/influence/affect your normal behavior"), my skepticism inevitably prompt me to reconsider whether those people really meant what they speak of or were they being patronising?

"Loss is something not to be found, but to be felt". Talk publicly about your remorse, posting on FB, are we saying all that we "felt" because it would make us appear more humane?

"I walked a mile with pleasure, she chatted all the way. It left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with sorrow and ne're a word said she, but oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me." - adapted from Mitch Albom.

De one with Tissued Week

2010-10-09T15:39:00.002+08:00

What a hot sweaty day

I literally did nothing but stayed home and became a crouch potato, indulged myself with ice-wine and episodes of desperate housewives. Although there's a certain urge to head out and enjoy this one day when I didn't have to deal with tiredness of work and colleagues, my guilt throbbed in protest not to forget giving my wallet a rest.

Luckily, there was Professor Langton with his stories about the Lost Symbol to accompany me through Saturday, besides the ladies of Wisteria Lane! Yippee! Carrie Bradshaw? Oh, Carrie! She's current on storage-vacation. Not like Singapore's already not "hot" yet.

Though an uneventful weekend, past week had been tough. Took a deep breath before plunging into the open files I had been working on since before I went on study-leave. Turns out, everything didn't seemed as worse as expected. Guessed weariness had been clouding my perspectives. It turned on my moodiness mode. Yucks.

Lemme share a top secret. Alot couldn't agree more after 8 to sometimes 12 hours of dealing with conversations with outsiders, tolerating gossips, docking arrows, managing anger, dilemmas and nerve-gripping piles of assignments, problems with attitude-giving subordinates, you just wanna complain to sweep off that awful load off your "grudge cache". It's a chore yet necessary, like clearing your auto-leave message machine. Well, that particular night, I was about to commit the same "sin" until my crystal babies caught my sight and... magically, innocence restored, I didn't have to complain like a young adult at all.

Sure I like things which are stunning and sweet. And for that, I'm glad I did.

De one with Life Goes On...

2010-10-03T20:16:00.001+08:00

Don't care if it's rain or shine

Execution with decisiveness is one of the few which derives satisfaction, self-assurance and in turn, happiness. Am really glad the formality veil was lifted deliberately to allow me to speak with straightforwardness.

I connect myself back with my love for music. Although it's been released for quite awhile, the tune of the song appealed to me only recently. You should listen to it to, "All the Lovers" by Kylie Minogue.

Bought a watch yesterday. Alittle hesitation in the beginning but overcome. Surprisingly, I didn't whine over my indecisiveness. Instead, I felt my guts to convince myself that the purchase was what I really want. The feeling of "love at first sight" revived between me and capability for fine selection.

As for friendship, I felt it's time to let loose. I came to equilibrium with the fact that people don't stay within same proximity for long. Like a flower, without proper maintenance, weeds would grow and condition deteriorates. I'd say I've lived 25 thoughtful years to know a fair bit about people around me. Some break down from time to time, wanting assurance of long friendships without knowing their actions and behaviors leads to self-fulfilling prophecy; Some, although least thought of, who hardly whisper a word, turns out to be the ones who truly understand you; Some plead for certainty of their existence through emotional, physical touch; Some ignore; A few surfaces from time to time yet bothers you alot. Some became too materialistic (for the love of God, you can't blame them), it seemed they have lost the will to mount their cruel environment and end up being compelled to change by externalities.

Losing faith in relationships needn't be told, shared or get overly vexed about. Just let nature takes its course, prepare yourself to be able to deal with what may come. Most importantly, be nice and graceful, without any pinch of selfishness or resent. This.. was a "no, no" in the past. Pardon my naivety to associate such treads with the image of an insensitive and selfish "jerk". It seemed being overly accommodating and bending over backwards with people whom you treasure doesn't benefit or fit the lion's pride. Contemptuous but true, it feels saint when people come to you than the other way round.

It hit me after countless time of meeting up and I just couldn't engage myself into the conversations that's circulating around the coffee table. It's pure deceit if I open my mouth and put myself into discussion superficially. It's not I'm incapable of doing so, but I just can't bring myself to pretend. It's not as if I'm role-playing in a mega-movie. The historic-self might reconsider "if I don't speak, will they think me weak?". At present, I supposed I'm firmed on when to speak and when not to.

When will I speak?
1) If the topic interest me, I feel I have the knowledge to input and desires to know more.

2) If you come running to me with a problem, I'd listen, look you in the eyes and assess what can be done.

3) When I truly need your valuable opinion (which would be fading for I wanna be a person who's sure and certain of what I want).

4) Things which build onto the foundation of our relationship. Quality conversations.

When my lips are sealed?
1) It's time-passing, senseless conversation which only scrap through the surfaces or discussions.

2) Thrashing out, contentious matters (please leave that at work), statement's that are hurtful

3) When I'm bored and tired.

4) Being in a group which disintegrated, you know, gossip amongst yourself. I mean mini-talk all you want. If you're not interested in my presence, k*ss my ass and I'd take off.

Perhaps we have aged, I feel conversations should be laughing about our history, of course, to remember the good old times when we were young. We debate about people at work, our displeasures about life, family and complain, share our dreams. I love meeting new people, it's like starting from a blank piece of paper. So much to discover, things ain't tacky. Novice excites me.

I have no idea how come my mental and physic became hectically exhausted. Just can't find the root of the deprivation of energy. Was at a vet centre when this bright and suave looking vet asked if I was alright. Pretty embarrassed but I looked up, forced a smile and said I'm alright. Damn, anybody who saw my facial expression would have known I was lying and faking. What a laughingstock I thought back then.

At the same time, I was touche by the concern. It has been awhile anyone would do so, without having me to ask.

De one with Comprehension

2010-09-24T01:38:00.001+08:00

Eyebrows eased

Two weeks of proximity-zero. Two years of tilly-lagging. After five years of distance, everything seemed to have remained the same. I'd guess this is the underlying meaning of a leopard ~~never~~ can't change its spots. What seemed lost didn't cause my heart to pinch with self-sympathy but filled sudden comprehension of why I've lost, as though to make vacuum a space for the endless headaches which follows. The only loser in this "game of fate" lies with whom he thinks he had lost and nothing to gain. I've lost and lost completely. Oh dear..

De one with Home Coming

2010-09-23T00:33:00.001+08:00

Peaceful

"This is home, truly. Where I know I must be. Where my dreams wait for me; where the river always flows. This is home, surely. As my senses tell me. This is where, I won't be alone. For this is where I know it's home."

- "Home", Dick Lee.

Lyrics are beautiful with meanings that are close to my heart. The first three words are like appetizers, never fails to entice you to continue the subsequent tune.

Picture does paint a thousand words. Hmm, I bet a song conveys even more. What a relieve to be home after a day's hardwork.

De one with Gleefulness!

2010-09-21T21:54:00.000+08:00

Semester finale

There is really a word call "Gleefulness" in the dictionary. Don't believe? Look this word up!

The FreeDictionary.com defines "Gleefulness" as (a noun) meaning joyfulness. What's there to be gleeful about? I've finally completed Test 2 of the hideous advanced financial accounting! Except the part on segment reporting which I included something which was unnecessary (think that might cause me a couple of marks), the rest are pretty alright *sweeps my shoulders*.

With courtesy of corbisimage.com

For once, I feel fluttery after coming out from the exam hall. Perhaps it's the mark of the end to my tertiary education! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'd pass and graduate! Graduate!

De one with Fates of the Same Face

2010-09-18T19:33:00.001+08:00

Noises

Every face has two sides. Not just physically visible, what lies beneath the facial skin are two personalities which make a face smile or frown.

Breathe with me.. inhale... and exhale. Now, if you would lend me a listening ear for I am going to say what has been troubling me.

It's amazing how I can desert myself to somewhere nobody knows. I've been keeping secrets, filled with nothing but pure unhappiness, worries and all the other feelings there are for a loser to contain. Truth is.. I'm not successful and I feel messed up. Unknowing, all in me doubt if I knew where my next step would be, what to expect next, who shall I be with, when to execute my decisions precisely and how the situation would be turned towards the director I'm taking.

Let me project an image of my life... it is like four-scales. The one described above has sunk. The surface of the scale is centimeters away from the ground strewn with a million broken glass. Like a chandelier mold to have its handles give light in a downward manner, all four scales seems to be in downward position.

Trust me when I confess I could sit right on top of a prism in the air, watching countless visitors traveling forth and away. Those who noticed, took photos of me. Some clasped their hands and prayed. Some didn't notice or couldn't be bothered. Some suggested it's better calling the police. All and all I didn't care. I choose not to because I was just breathing some air. And nobody gave me a rest.

Dates, partners, lovers and scandals have no varying meaning to be. All is like paints that wouldn't stain the white heart-shaped paper. No Eros' arrows could scar a mark. No diamonds or persuasions could even cut.

All for one and one for all. The four scales agreed that all shall fall. Regardless of gender, relationship nor blood, threads are tangled and better left intact.

I can no longer do this anymore I told myself. My wings are drenched and take flight no more. For now till when I could not tell. Promises land with nothing felt.

De one with All in Bucks

2010-09-16T20:45:00.003+08:00

Coffee on discussion

The very first time I smelled the aroma of coffee seeds was when I attended kindergarden. After every half-a-day of "disciplined and confinement" with other kids in an ever-strange place, my granny would fetch me to this coffee-seller to replenish coffee powder but most importantly, give me a daily vitagen treat. Perhaps to compensate for the day's "torture". We were easily contended back then.

Despite "friending" with the familiar scent, I never knew how the source taste like. It wasn't until I was less than 10 year of age came my "first sip" experience. Back then, my late-mother and I were at Shenton Way. While waiting for my Dad with his awfully long dental appointment, we were having our breakfast at Burger-king in the vicinity. Apart from vivid memories of the croissant and ham breakfast, a killer-back-for-more, I fragmentarily remembered Mummy actually let me tasted her coffee. You know, I was as inquisitive as other kids of my age were. So I was up for trying anything that came to my mouth. Apparently, the taste turned out too strong and awfully repulsive to my sweet taste-buds. So... I never had any then after.

It was during a trip in Australia that I was attracted to the milky and vanilla-rich Victorian cappuccino (besides discovering my liking for Yellow-tea-leaves, in the same trip). Turns out, coffee ain't that dis-tasteful as it was a couple of childhood years ago. Unfortunately, the revisit to this internationally most-drunk beverage didn't occur moments after I returned to Singapore. Ah ma makes coffee every morning, as early as 5-6am. She still does even today and it will forever be poured into this green-metallic pot (which existed since decades or centuries ago). Sadly, never was I anywhere near that utensil.

Mohan. Yes, Mohan was the significant person who introduced me to coffee world and had me returning for good. Turned me into a subsidiary convict. Why only a subsidiary? Because the "main" convict refers to those who drink coffee everyday or wouldn't survive a day without coffee (like my Mummy, Aunt and some of my current colleagues). To be exact, ice blended coffee.

In one of my cab encounters, there was this particular cabby who chatted heartily with me while delivering me to Junction 8 after work. He discussed about the elusive evolution of coffee today and how this slight re-packaging of coffee appealed to younger generations (like me), without losing natural patrons (like him) and in turn, benefit the coffee-retailers' pockets. This humble grown-up was keen to learn how coffee today tasted or how were they made that "spelled" us into consuming them for hours at coffee-places. I shared with him my opinions:

1. It's coffee blended with chocolate (mocha) and ice. Part of what makes it so appealing was it's a beverage that cools and calms us given our typical tropical weather. Not only that, it keeps us awake to sustain our energy to stay at the same place and chat like there's no tomorrow.

2. The vast variety and new mix with health-implicated ingredients, such as green tea, nuts, satisfy our appetite and demands for fresh taste and innovations.

3. Pocket money for us have increased drastically through generations. More kids find it affordable to try whatever's marketed to them. The erosion of conservatism, age where kids are restricted, financially confined have opened up most, if not, all access possibilities.

10 years ago, it's "Mommy, Daddy, can I buy this? My friends have it. I sampled it."

6 years ago, either "Mommy" or "Daddy, I am going to get this.."

At present, it seemed the child has had what he/she wanted without going through their parents. Insignificant stuff such as coffee? Are you kidding me you need parental permission?

Not doubt my first coffee was given by my mother. Honestly speaking, my 2nd coffee wasn't bought independently. My knowledge of the existence of ice-blended coffee was imparted from my cousin, Jasmine who bought it specially from a Coffeebean corner located at the old MPH bookstore, Suntec Ciy. It was a couple of years ago, what turned out to be a medium for nights of conversation became a beverage I thought of for leisure.

I later discovered Coffee bean coffee were too sweet. Age advised me sweetness was alittle "oldskool" and repulsive. It didn't take very long for my preference to change to getting coffee from the classic Starbucks. This. Was where memories were made.

Ever since my (pure) ko-ffee "affairs" with Mr Gopalan, Starbucks accompanied me through times of joy, peace, woes and loneliness.

(Joy): Peppermint was my favourite. Everytime they have these in stores during Christmas, I'm all hippertly hopperty up. Drinking the chilly, mint taste, I could felt the coldness of winter in my digestive system and hear the "festive jingles" tinkling in my mind.

(Peace): Coffee calms my nerves whenever I get worked up over completing/rushing assignment. In times when like this, a hot Caramel-Macchiato would perk my productivity to its maximum. Have me drink this and you might just regret talking to me. I'd probably think and talk very rapidly.

Else, on light rainy days, you might just find me at Starbucks, sipping the same hot CM receipe with a book in my hands.

(Woes): Bitter and sweet. Bottoms up to poetry alive:

"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lover's eyes
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lover's tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet." - Romeo, Romeo and Juliet, Act 1 Scene 1.

You might find this familiar from my previous blog. But reality, it's true.

"I mean no other, no other but you" Caramel Frappucino, the drink to stick thru' thick and thin.

(Loneliness): None beats the cold and redness of the Ice Shaken Lemon Passion Tea. If "Passion" 's unavailable, I could have "Zen". Double the loneliness, double the choice of tea. Why tea? Tea is blend by nature. Being lonely is like shedding colors of life. The exact mirror of dilution of tea colors as it infuse with the melting skin-piercing ice.

If you can't have wine, let us have coffee. What more, it's cost less expensive! *Punches* *Kicks* and enough! Enough!.

Alot might agree with me, it's heavenly to "nua" ("laze and be restless" in hokkien) to be have coffee chats. In fact, I love it. Partly it's a healthier substitute to drinking to pour my misery and bit*hiness out. Without feeling the messy aftermath, hangovers or regretting anything because I'm sober. Partly owing to the fact I fare better with one-to-one conversation in a casual setting where we're only an arms-length diameter coffee table apart. People around are engaged in their perimeters of chat. It's alright to chat, get excited, or not chat at all. Comfortably be yourself, non-guarded and engage in both informal or formal conversations.

Throughout time, I've lost and gained alot. Well, it seems my blessings are like melted ice. Not just that, pressures from work and academic have sprinkled salt on the melting ice. When will the next session be schedule?

De one with Friendship Cracks

2010-09-05T23:56:00.001+08:00

Hands to the heart

I used to have those floats in shapes of a swan, crocodile or hippo which need to be air-inflated. It's a fun-big thing that never fail to put a smile on my face. Especially whenever I get to ride on it. However, there was big problem. Once a hole is punctuated on its surface, no matter how you patch it up, it's unable to retain air as perfect as before.

To be honest, I can't help feeling useless. My friends are sad yet nothing I am doing seemed to yield results. To simply hack-care and leave things be only result in drastic measures like having my heart's better off taken out and thrown into the cliffs of Grand Canyon to the vultures. Yes, you can go on blabbering, raise 1,001 reasons and rattling on "nobody needs your comfort, listening ear", "Why do you care", "Your shoulders are too small to cry on", "Why impose yourself on others who didn't request".

Truth is, any reasonable man would have feel likewise, or have we became unbearably unfeeling?

De one with Recurring Pitstops

2010-09-01T00:21:00.001+08:00

Unchained

Like an unchained melody, work (needless to say) and school assignments comings in choppy waves one after another. It's scary at times when I slump back into the chair, semi-mentally "impaired", to realise how rapid everything around me is coming forth and getting done with. Then the aftermath of regret just have to find itself creeping into the little pauses I take, eventually leading me to feel alittle disappointed with myself for doing only so much within the capacity and energy available.

Only yesterday was I done with AFA test 1. Right up, there's a consolidated cash flow assignment due next saturday. On exactly 8 days later, it's AFA test 2. Tonight, the comprehension to why I am repeating this module - flashpast without learning anything. It's like moving so fast, it feels as if you're not visually seen moving at all.

I stopped reading. My jogging routine got stood up too. Weekday's consist of waking up late, rush to work and by the time I reach home after a day at work or campus, it's already 10-11ish and nothing except shower followed by sleep. Then the next rush 24 rush hours starts. It's stifling. Blogging now? ha! it's a fraction of my deprived sleep.

And a typical weekend? It's basically weekend date with "sleep". The best is to be able to jog at least once. For now, sigh, it's only revision and rushing to meet deadlines! Arrgghh!

De one with Strike One

2010-08-30T23:25:00.001+08:00

Something's big coming

Call it bad omen, negative intuition but it's an unavoidable fact that I'm worried. Feel it in my gut, something bad is cautiously unfolding.

AFA test 1 was a killer. It's the most feared module of all accounting students across the globe. I panicked for awhile because I forgotten how to deal with the Non-controlling interest during disposal. Perhaps due to lack of practice but I've spent 3 days and nights on this. 1 day of revision and still, it turns out like that. Sigh.

The next ga-braar thing was I miscounted my time. Got panicky for nothing because I short-changed myself 30 minutes. Learned my lesson from previous' poor time management. While others are scribbling or "vomiting" out their memory work, I apportioned the amount of time for each question based on the marks awarded. I even skipped when I am stuck.

Jocelyn text me telling she might failed. So I comforted saying "no use worrying what's done, just concentrate on what's to come". Amusingly, it's better said than do. Oh well, "no use crying over spilled milk".

Recently, I got stood up by a friend. Blame it on my sensitivity, my gut (again) tells me something's not right. Although I didn't approach her immediately because it'd only make things worse by pressing someone for an account of what happened. Turns out, my attempt to cheer didn't work. Maybe I'm lousy at talking people out. Maybe our friendship is no longer as important? I hate to administrate the latter, even for suspicion sake. However, the series of recent events seemed to point to the otherwise.

*Palms open* I seriously don't know what to do. Can't imagine I'm confining myself to such thoughts. Sounds silly yet inevitably true. You know what, just do what a guy normally do, "don't think". I mean I did all that's required of a friend and sometimes even more than an average friend. I'm really tired.

This is when find myself changing course and embarking on other stuff which are more constructive. The prime question is "Is this that I'm doing constructive?" An idea seeded from a friend, Baxter. Well, let's see, maybe I should take up driving (at last), take up wine appreciation seminars, reshuffle my stuff, clean my house, complete all the books in my library or go traveling alone.

And talk is nothing, actions are required. Jason's never about talk. It's my compulsion.

Something big's coming and Jason... never the same again.

De one with Rebound

2010-08-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

Generating thoughts

"How long are you going to keep this up" keep revolving in the my head like a totem. It wasn't aching. On the contrary, it forced myself to come back to reality. It seems as though beads of invisible weights have been sewn to every inch of the hair till much effort was required to overcome downward pressure acting on my bowing neck.

A funny thing I realised about myself was the unbelievable recovery rate. Mood-shifter would probably be the most appropriate title to brand myself in for this blog. "Life is a stage" well said indeed. We react, display our emotions and leave it before moving on.

Sometimes we overreact. In such times, we become impulsive for no reason. If it were me, I've better learn to take a deep breathe and try to process the routes and course of actions I could choose from, then formulate what my next step would be. It takes practice. Most of us are unable to do so as human tend to want the most responsive actions to counter the disequilibrium abruptly presents itself.

It benefits me more as certain of my words sting. It shoots like a merciless sniper at times. Thinking through, I was glad not to have said much, conveyed what was necessary.

De one with Un's

2010-08-28T19:27:00.006+08:00

Sonnet

Thee heart tells not where predicament lies
Heavy soul pulses, watch indifference time
Shadows never hung lower than pavement shines
Lonesome bittercold as salted ice,

Worst defeats worse in combat minds
Unleashes fear in struggling vice
O poor us thy friendliest ties
Undecipherable affirmation we never find.

(Picture in courtesy of Mike Duran)

De one with Birthday Touche

2010-08-28T13:01:00.007+08:00

Nothing but Joy

Salutes, bows and blows kisses to those who made the 21st August 2010 an eventful and ravishing day! It's even sizzling, outrageously fun and euphoric than National Day or YOG! I sworn I'd never felt more like a comely star this year. The glamor outshone the dreadful age!!

Special gratitude to my "bros" who kick-start the beginning of the celebration and hastily fetched me to a posh restaurant (the Nautilus Project, in courtesy of luxury-insider.com) which I've never set foot in. Least did I expect being put through the embarrassing yet moving moment with cakes and candle. Have gotta admit I was near tearing when you guys deserted your masculinity and sung a birthday song in the presence of our neighboring kids and Caucasians at both sides of our table.

Next was Donald for our "nan de" dinner at Marche (below, in courtesy of singaporefountainpen.blogspot). A place I never been to since secondary school. A revisit to a place-from-history now situated at a whole new place. Ha! Glad you fare fairly well in your exams. Looks like our double-celebration was worth it!

If given a chance, I'd meet everyone who texted or wrote your well wishes on my wall (regardless of the automated notification / sincere memory work) and reward you $2 a beary hug! Lol. You know what? This is the premier of a new channel from which you could convey your greetings! Haha. You are like the red carpet for this year's birthday!

... The unlikeliest and stunning materialised when my close friends ambushed a "pre-birthday evening" plan on me! What meant as mere nonsensical suggestion turned out to be taken as serious command. They made a reservation at Giraffe (left, in courtesy of oriented.com), had appetizing seafood, enticing cheesecakes and hell lots of alcohol to consume till our hearts content!

It was like an uninterrupted date.. everything fell and saw through nicely. Play reshoots of our birthday gifts presenting scene repeatedly. Bet the surrounding crowds must have thought we were film-crazy. There was movie after dinner till the first minute of my B-day arrived! Too bad there weren't fireworks. Only Slyvester Stallon and bullets-firing, blood splashing and serial explosions in Expendables. Peeerrrrfect substitutes! Ho!!

Thy heart bloomed deeper into its core as the entire family was "activated" to this fine Chinese restaurant at Marina Bay Sands.

Two VIL(very important ladies) in my life...

Me + Jolly Daddy

...Cousins and a nephew

Uncle + me

There was superior dim sum, mouthwatering Peking duck, mouth-melting asparagus, prosperous Sharkfin dumpling and pastry.

Not everytime until today, there was an intangible priceless dish on the table which derived more satisfaction to the stomach and our hearts - Kinship.

House of J, with love from Marina Bay Sands

Wait, the premium gifts I received or got for myself with the privilege of being the birthday boy of course!

Dusk approaches came the people who sprinkled magic dusts to sparkle-up my actual Big Day! My dear colleagues brought me to a Peranakan restaurant and had our version of "tok panjang"! The spread was variegated and super delicious! Aww... I can't restrain myself from sharing the present...

"Jin zhi" (delicate in mandarin) right? "wah~ing" continuously as I turned the pages.

When asked if they felt pressurised ('cause they kept apologising for their artwork), they said they didn't. Just worried their deco didn't mean my standards. I was even asked if I'd touch up at home. Jokers la.

My heart burned with engulfing appreciation! It's ultra tough to buy presents for me. In this rare occasion, the gifts melt me heart!

After scrumptious dinner, we headed to this outdoor space. All the shops were closed, surroundings were dim. So we used the flashlight from handphones to brighten up our faces for better photo-shoots. Damn, I was like a celebrity la.. they played along, "more light here", "I'll be the mic-holder", "powder on Jason's face" when taking turns to have our photographs together. Then the cake and birthday song. Omg. Third cake for the period!

Wait, there's more.. we went to Mind's cafe till the last minute of 21 August 2010 passed.

One milestone, 9 days of celebration, 6 new venues, handful fine presents and countless blessings. It was a day I never felt more loved and centered in the world.Woohooo!!

De one with Carrying Ourselves

2010-08-15T23:34:00.001+08:00

Composure in limelight

Recently, besides the YOG or National Day, the next hottest topics in town were whether death penalty should be void, the resurface of circularising fake notes and a skeptical article on men who carried handbags on their female counterparts' behalf.

Thanks to Hendri's recommendation, I watched Changeling, an award-winning and inspirational show which depicts the ugly and chaotic history of the then corrupted US police. It stars Angeline Jolie who plays a determined single-parent mother, Mrs Collins, who was desperately finding her missing son. She seeks the help of the police who eventually found another boy and claimed him to be her son while defending to redeem the public's confidence in the crumbling police force. Collins finds herself caught between pleading with the police to look for her son again, justifying the new-found boy was not her son and defending the police's undue means to keep the cat in the bag. Towards the end, Collins had help from a Parish Church pastor to bringing a case against the state and freed some victims of federal bully and injustice. The movie finished open-ended. It was a mystery whether Walter, the missing boy, was alive or dead.

Lucky to catch the touching movie coincidental to the debacle on death penalty. The death penalty was codified and sentenced for those who committed capital crimes. These cruel punishment accumulated through history, brutal forms from beheading, crucifixion, consumption of poison, drowning, prosecution by gun, stoning, electrocution to hanging by the neck. While the latter four still in presence, many have raised their brows as they reconsider and debate on the necessity of such inhumane and immoral corporal punishments used on criminals (who are humans after all).

Personal view: I advocate the abolish of the death penalty. Besides the very fact that they are fundamentally inhuman and cruel, the logical rationale to ask ourselves is whether it'd be equitable to take a life who had taken another?

Killing is, unquestionably one of the commonly-condemned sins in the perspectives of most religions. While most fear death, they feel opposite when imposing death upon others. Of the reasons these people provide, it is likely corporal punishment was a fair and just way to penalize the offender.

Well, let me further support my view with another perspective which oppose the above mentioned. We watched the same repeated scene of a savior alerts the avenger at the point when he holds a weapon on his/her revenge-target: "Will death upon this murderer revive the departed loved ones?". In 9 out of 10 movies with the same plot, the avenger comes to his/her senses and loosen the weapon. The audience relieves and cheers. These will be the people who forgive and most probably be in consensus with doing away with the death penalty.

Critics might rebuke, of other times, the injustice done by the murderer was severe and unforgivable. Audience with low tolerance, or should I say, "emotional" stand high chances of taking sides to condem the murderer and hence, supporting "a tooth for a tooth".

Notwithstanding the above, I'm not arguing all punishment unnecessary. Just strongly believe punishment to the flesh should be totally avoided. What about alternatives like life imprisonment? True enough, the loop-side of life imprisonment would be having to allocate more land to house these prisoners. Then again, a true account from an ex-offender revealed imprisonment is torturous. Imagine having nothing to do and captivated in an enclosed, stuffy and smelly (toilet's just beside where you sleep), it is the worst thing that could happen to anyone. It's psychological pain.

----

Fake notes...tsk tsk tsk, so dangerous. Now, if you were to ask me, these are the people who might just change my opinion to retain corporal punishment la. Why must one cheat?! Yucks. Worse is it has a domino effect, it's as poisonous as MLM! And cashier, do your job and check properly la. Well, the customer might feel offended when you spend awhile authenticating the note but does the costs outweigh the immediate benefits? I don't think so. Eh, don't circularise too much money, local standard of living is painstakingly on the high side and inflation is unbearable than it was. Let's not aggravate the current situation money-fakers. Else, the repeat of banana-notes occurs and you are the only ones to thank for. It wouldn't take long before my slippers' up your ***.

----

Now, *cracks my knuckles*, what's wrong with men carrying handbags for their wives or girlfriends? Let us analyse this, can we?

1) What's your capacity when you judge or "winch" your eyes? I don't remember it's a penal code or clause of international jurisdiction which prohibits man, regardless of reasonableness or rationale, to carrying a ladies' bag. What I'm aware of is the liberty of actions.

2) Mind-openness. If one can be opened to homosexuality, metrosexuality, I bet if say Leonardo or your male- idol offers to do the same, do you stand firm on your biased perspective? *bell ringing*

3) Which part truly bothers you? Touch your heart and employ your conscience before you respond. The man's action or the bag/caring boyfriend you are deprived off? Psychologist reports have shown more than never, we tend to become sarcastic or have our minds generating repulsive thoughts to repel to whatever we are seeing which we oppose. "Taking sourgrapes" would be a classic example. We say things bad about others to feel better.

Come on la, just because a guy carries an LV, Prada or what was mentioned again.. Gucci and you carry an imitation, you stereotype him as an "ah gua". When he looks averagely good but he has a girlfriend, just so happens he carries the handbag and when you look beside yourself and there's nothing but your aching shoulders, you stereotype him as a henpeck or potential hen-peck to be. What is the world of fine ladies and thoughtful gentlemen coming to?

4) Well, if it really bothers you, be gracious. We are gracious Singaporeans living in a gracious society. Smile and think, "wuao, that's a lovely couple" and walk away. The most important thing, be gracious!

De one with Life Corrections

2010-08-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

Repentance and repellent

Whatever I have and had didn't amount to the wonderful company and the sight of intimacy up-close and personal. Tonight, it was reminded intimacy don't require a voice to convey its existence between two. A glance, which last longer than average, signified more than words of our love concern.

Oh, go on, play the romantic violin, guitar or saxophone for this was an evening where passion, sentiment and love set themselves ablaze.

My bros took me out to an atas restaurant at Ion (top level) where seafood dinner was served as an advanced birthday dinner celebration. The ambiance and food were just fine, spare the part where my high-bros asked the staff to bring a dessert with a candle. Caught me totally off-guarded and sent my cheeks glowing in the soft lit space. Arhh... but touched nevertheless. Yes, I was indeed.

Perhaps the YOG opening attributed more to our festive evening. Wanna heard more news? We walked into Dolce (did you know Dolce and Gabbana had moved out from Forum?), Prada, ThreeSixty supermarket, Ferragamo and went home empty-handed! Wait, that's not the point. The critical labor of the day was I went home, heart-filled. Life was as though corrected by a correction tape. How's that huh... bet I'll be sleeping with a smile tonight. :)

The one with Up and Coming

2010-08-12T21:56:00.000+08:00

Celebrative spirit awakening

Sometimes I really wish I had a twin brother! Imagine both of us doing stuff together, go out together and getting people confused because both of us might just look too alike - some mischievous thoughts when I woke up every morning with my head throbbing and didn't feel good about going to work. Turned up at work nevertheless.

For things deprived of, I had things afforded with. Despite making declaration of nothing I'd want for this year's birthday, there were a couple of stuff I'll be getting:

1) Estee Night Repair (to combat my ageing face)
2) A new "housing" for my hp from Dolce and Gabbana.
3) Prada ring charm (just couldn't bear the nakedness of my bag).
4) A new "palace" for my Kris bears colony
5) A blackberry (who cares is the Arab Emirates or Indonesia banning)
6) Automatic watch from Tiffany
7) Another Dolce and Gabbana belt
8) A marriage partner

Short and sweet, just like shopping of which anyone were to say it was boring?

De one with Ghost Town

2010-08-10T23:39:00.000+08:00

Back-track

Before I forget, please please please let me rewind the time back to 23:58. For I have yet to wish my beloved country and nice friend, Darren, a very huge Happy Birthday!

Resetting time back to present, when I thought I'd be super patriotic to dawn my red-striped shirt to work, I woke up with a migraine. Qing, tsk tsk, you must have pass it on via the texts we sent to other another last night. The nerves at my temples were literally pounding to very resonance to my eardrum. It's as if a mischievous toothfairy had implanted a loud speaker into my ear when he couldn't find any tooth to collect. All vibration amplified to my brain, causing my head to spin in ache.

It seemed like an unluckiest day, inaugural to the lunar seventh month. More prone to injuries than normal while at work. I got knocked in the ribs when moving too fast to my seat and banged onto the wall. Next, I got a paper cut from a stack of freshly print documents. Sigh.

Just before I conclude the evening, thinking the inauspicious had taken its toll on me, I end up attending class alone. My course-mate Jocelyn was nowhere in sight. Sigh. But that's not to bad la, dreadful but I needed to acquire from the lecture, accompany or no accompany. It feels just like secondary or jc days. Independence.

Believe and hope my circumstances would improve. Ar-char ar-char ar-char (jiayou in korean)!!

De one with The One

2010-08-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

Thoughts and wordings

Everybody talks, yearns and desires their very own "the one". It could be a thing, a wedding ring, a dream job position, a school to attend...most commonly, "the one" often refers to a soul-mate.

I couldn't help but be half-amused and half-embarrassed having recalled my confessions to my exes. As far as I recalled I told and was being told we're "the one", often tagged with either the "last" (the last one) or "and only" (the one and only). The way that it sounds clinche which makes my cheeks glow. Now that I relived the moment these words came out of my mouth, it reset my heart, mind and soul to reconsider the depth and genuine of the words.

While I can't justify how true my exes meant those words were, I could well make a close guess. I supposed "no" because they were cases of the ex. If you'd care to ask further whether I meant what I said a decade ago, *lowers my chin for awhile and lift up again*, am afraid I have to say "no, I didn't".

"Why?" you might probe further. Having considered the ugly endings or the blatant unwind of events, hidden secrets each of us were hiding from one another (be it to save ourselves, protect the other party, the fate of fates), my answers jolly well converge on "I couldn't have meant what I said". What was true might be for the moment the words were formed, like a carat ring essential to close the deal, elevates our confessions to a level more convincing with our partners.

What's past and present can be dealt with. The ultimate wary lies within what the future beholds. Age yields experience and experiences in turn affect our perspectives, behavior and the way we react eventually. It seemed more is required of us to "fall for another person" after who, what, where and when you've encountered, lest to say it's twice as difficult to get head-over-heels over someone. Do I have to comment further how painfully demanding it is to tell someone "you're the one" largely because you can't be certain what would be the outcome inspite of knowing how weighty these words are.

Or not... we could be stalking time.. living pretentious relationship filled with lies and other unhealthy situations which puts all of us committing similar mistakes to utter shame. Shows how much integrity and maturity we sinners lack. The fact that we are grown ups and still unable to carry meaning to your vocal-expressions. Gosh, we ought to be careful about what we say.

(Photo in courtesy of www.jerryhart.com)

De one with Salt

2010-08-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

Bore and daring as ever

The rare diamond sparkles at the slightest fade of light. How do I differentiate a star? Agree totally with Kylie Minogue, it's in their eyes.

In courtesy of flavorwire.com

Rare as can be, Angelina Jolie is one of those distinct as one. Yes, you can go on relating her as one of the sexiest women, her full-lips, slim body. My opinion of her based on her steady eyes. She has this special gaze, like Chow Yun Fat, which makes it all worthwhile for her to make a scene without any lines or music to compliment.

Recently, I watched Angelina Jolie in SALT. Yesterday Clara commented "she looked better in dark colored hair" when she looked her in the cinema poster. I preferred the new blondie look. It makes her look like a composed real-life Barbie, refined lady. But I couldn't agree more with H, that woman has got the "killer" looks. Besides her beauty, she's got this ultra-cool look, it's tough telling if she's even acting or naturally being herself!

Weekends seemed to be blasted with movies. Speaking of my hunger for it for the past month. *gigs*. First was Inception, Air Bender, and recently, Salt. Sorcerer's Apprentice? My gut feeling tells me not to. Sorry if you are a post-movie turned big fan.

The movie was pretty a blast. No, not because Angelina Jolie (the second woman in the world I labelled as "hot" or she's a few left-handed) was in it, as I told Clara when she'd guessed. If compared with Inception, SALT is less complex, more actions but nonetheless brilliant twist. And.. you'll only need to watch it once to fully understand it. Haha.

I guess, I prefer watched action flicks nowadays. And yes, those with alot of twist that make me sit up and think "so this was how it begun in the beginning" or "wuao, who would have ever thought so". What about your preference? Has it changed lately?

De one with Way Finding

2010-08-08T23:03:00.003+08:00

Present memory

Shots in flashes. Ready. Begin.

*snap* The buzzling crowd.

(Photo from "http://farm4.static.flickr.com")

*snap* Crossing the road..

*snap* Bugis.

Pause and play. The most uncommon sight of an old lady, with permed white hair, dressed in purple flora shirt and brown stretch pants. There she stood, amongst the flow of perspiration-moist people. As though she was a twig, rooted on the riverbed, as human flow passed her. The evening time had came to a halt, the matrix effect launched but it didn't deter my eyes from filming this perfect sight.

The scene rolled on. As if it was all part of a script, the old lady moved the walking-stick a quarter-meter ahead of her before moving her feet toward her only means of support. Just when you though she would move again, her soft eyes glazed gently toward the snack-store, filled with another buzzling crowd. Had you been in my shoes, could anyone not feel your heart dissolved. My conscience sang a chorus, repeating an idea to approach her without prejudice, without guard, without skepticism, without harm to offer all you had to assist that old person.

Despite my thoughts, a lightening-span dilemma hesitated my offer. I thought to myself: "There's no way this old lady would be alone. If she were, she wouldn't have choose to be in the mainstream crowd.". I thought so, and rapidly regretted not having tried to ask. But I couldn't stop. Doing so would only jam up the narrow passageway. Not that it couldn't get any narrower.

And I thought, what if the old lady couldn't find her way through the annoying crowd if she's genuinely alone. I looked back to see if the old lady continued to walk alone to confirm my doubts. There was no sight of her. Which derived me relieve - her family members must be with her.

Way finding could be tough when you're alone. The better out of this? You'll come out brave when you find your own exit. I certainly never find myself occupied with Sunday plans until my abrupt acceptance to LW's message. This acceptance to go out in plain T-shirt, berms, my vintage 6 year old slippers and loyal braun wallet led me further to unimagined long hours spent having a whole new virgin experience lunching, a midshift dessert affair at a nostalgic place and detoured encounter with Cluedo over coffee.

My two-years-less-a-decade good friend LW lived up to his promise to take us to lunch with his first week's pay. Silly guy. What didn't occurred to me was to lunch at Muthu's, consuming dough and curry fish-head in the afternoon. Curry without rice, without using eating utensils, without the fear of table etiquette because touching your food with your hands, in a restaurant, was permitted.

The three "usual" us came equipped with deflated guts. We walked down to Ah Chew under the hot weather and treated ourselves with desserts. This place really brings back memories. It was as though it was yesterday Chin Yu and I were sipping the same sago during our pre-ORD lau-period.

We were bored and out of ideas after aimless walks around Bugis. Was on the verge of taking a train home when my company called me to tell me they were still outside the toilet where I went 5 minutes ago. LW said he needed coffee. Without warming my seat at the train platform, I found myself tapping out of the control station and reunite with them. Bought a Cluedo and walked all the way to TCC, to play, chill and laughed the remains of our Sunday away.

The big-time entertainer award for the day had to go to Clara who amazed us continuously during our Cluedo sessions. In case you need a refresher-course, Cluedo is a detective game. It's about drawing conclusions with the limited information you owe, make accusations to solve a fictional murder case. The winner is the one who reveal correctly the murderer, weapon commit the murder and where the murder occurred. Our amusing friend, "Cocker-nathan-Clara" made our jaws drop with the following:

1) She made a wrong accusation with the clue which she was holding on to. Ya, she only realised when she opened the confidential cards.

2) She made a silly four steps move, hoovering around the murder venue of which she had deciphered. Obvious gaveaway to LW who was actually clueless before he spotted her folly.

3) She took her turn when it wasn't her turn. O.M.G.

To all good things come an end, and so did our impromptu meet. We bid goodbye with partial memories of laughter, partial relieve it's a public holiday the morning after and partial anticipation to our next meetup soon.

De one with The Last High-hoper

2010-08-06T23:24:00.004+08:00

Just-In-Time

Managed to catch The Last Air-bender three hours ago. Hmm.. not pretty bad show. A few good old graphic effects when these element-benders conjure their super-abilities. But... the storyline was delivered right at the start which it'd be most appropriate to say "the movie definitely has got air, water, earth and fire except an element of surprise". *Fold my arms* I'd give a 2 out of 5 popcorns if I were to be the critic for the house. Cast wise, not idea, well...that's how young starts are born I guess.

Since this is Book One: Water, audiences (I suppose the kids and those noisy teenagers sitting behind me) would look forward to Book Two. The last part was inserted abruptly, as if in the case of us slotting in an Annex just because we forgot to include some critical parts and time had run out for the assignment to be handled up. The finale was desperately trying to announce there's a sequence. Tsk tsk, giveaway.

Oh well, the lesson for the day - I realised my movie experience requires a high-flying score with concentration, accompany, the movie and venue. Any of these get stained with glitches and it will cost me the evening's experience to turn sour. Was head-over-heels premiering my Dolce until this guy came into his seats late, stepped onto it. Shoes are intangibly unfeeling. I, on the other hand, literally felt my heart ache.

Company does matter, if he/she leans too close to you and saturate your nostrils with the strong fragrance on his/her clothes, kiss your entertainment goodbye. As much as I was trying to follow through the screenplay, the plumage in my nose injunct me so. Musky is good. Too musky, guys, let's just take a break with the spray shall we?

The venue. *cracks my knuckles*. Selection of venue is vital. Imagine a wedding dinner at a kopitiam. It's the surrounding, seats, behavior of other audiences which ultimately affect your mood. If you ask me for my opinion, going to an over-crowded Cineleisure when I'm in executive wear - n.o. w.a.y. Never will I do that again. Cross thy heart. It's just unbearably noisy, filled with young kids. Hades, recall back some of these souls please.

Ok, perhaps I am temperamental. Ageing la. What to do? As we fret over ageing, it is comforting to know other things don't. Like this one!

Recently, my decisions miraculously get more reassured despite they were mere insignificant choices without much thought. I worked so hard my eyes hurt this week. Hence, my temporarily blindness let my feet taxi me around. Before I knew it, it brought me to Swarovski. I inquired with the sales assistant for the annual Christmas Kris bear. In fact, I dialed Vivocity before heading out. Both gave me disappointing replies. Inspite of "judgmental advise" to soothe me (as a customer), the stock had already arrived today. This day that seemed vid and grey suddenly turned bright as I touched this tiny piece of delight and ornament of luck.

Certainly, a ~~silver~~ sparkling lining after grey clouds (that's more like it). The reunited of thy "petite colony". Yeay!

De one with Dolce & Gabbana

2010-08-01T00:59:00.003+08:00

Specificity

In times of uncertainty, some Christians step into their church; the sick steps into the neighborhood; the coffee addict steps into Starbucks while I found myself stepping to Ion. And did I bid "losing faith" hallelujah when the "adoption" of twins went through smooth and swift.

Well, certainly not identical twins but still, they are made out of the same material, same matt-shiny texture, same designers, same branding, same place of "adoption", same "guardian" and wah-lah! They almost even belong to similar $$ range.

May I present the latest adopted pair of shoes from the latest autumn-winter 2010 Dolce & Gabbana collection. Yup, it turns out these happened to be the latest most-sought after "craze" in the house of J. Can't take your eyes off. Dashing and Gorgeous indeed.

Where did "losing faith" begun with? On the south side of thy heart, a series of meaningless events seemed drained out my faith so much so that I found myself unknowingly alienating people around me. It's bad but you see I've spent time to select presents, paid on their behalf, spent time to have dinner, even reject a hard-to-come-by request to join an expensive YOG opening ceremony preview. At the end of the day, I sat at Xin Wang Cafe, ate half a plate of the black pepper chicken rice and felt nothing. Did I mention my eyes were bitter and kinda swollen from the late nights of decorating cards. Thanks to me coming with the idea of replacing normal birthday cards with poker cards with personal birthday messages instead.

I tried my best to be awake and appear interested coz I knew how weird the birthday star wold feel like another is aloof at the table. But at the end of the day, I never felt a sense of belonging.

Honestly, even friends whom I thought they were, I couldn't face the truth that I was dispensable.. like some "wipe and throw wet tissue" you know. Or..or a wine glass, that's only needed when the wine is full and discarded away when its empty. And then I feel sorry for myself. Lose a grip and find myself like this.

It's like a game of poker. You regret, turn within your stomach coz you made the wrong bet. And hence, I decided to fold my cards and leave the table for someone else to play this inevitable failure game.

I met Bax for movie. Turns out I found that we had nothing to chat. I was trying. But he wasn't replying. And that I thought, no.. this is not how I wanted people to respond. It's the same with others. Abso-fu*kin-lutely tiring. Ya, go on and say everyone has a job. But imagine taking over my job for a day and tell me whether you are capable of behaving the same as I am, if the boot fits.

*Sigh*, I confided in Qing and she said "time to find a wife".

My natural reaction was to ask "Why?"

And her reply hit me like a stuck of the bell. "You're not young anymore".

Fair enough, we have reached certain age. That means we go a step higher be it in our career (put it plainly, they just want the money), some defend their argument at better maturity (perhaps something to complement their withering appearance), a great lot looking for a partner (bliss Qing and I'm happy you located that someone to grow with so soon). I was looking at none as I wasn't certain I've stocktaken any of my current achievement. This is when I need my close friends to tell, remind me. When I lift up my head, no one's in sight.

They say in life, no man's an island. But I protest and oppose strongly against that matter. People who did are initiators, the leaders of their life. But having done so doesn't mean a lonely man who gains and reserves everything for themselves. I chose the backstage works, do everything within my means to create, spare time and face all the messiness myself. Unfairly but sacrificially, I did everything I could... just to make the slightly impossible all possible.

People, especially Max and Hendri would "preach" that I have to love myself. It drilled in my head so well like a hot symbol imprinted into my memory during all my breakups. I do, I do, I do. But I need someone to support me whenever I fall.. a phonecall, just asking would in fact do; a flatter, the Leo me likes it; an unbiased truth, I can faced it; or even nothing to talk, just a hug, a present, a pat on the shoulder. And I worked so hard, perhaps too hard, Chris once said about me.. to earn everything that's good for people to talk about that sometimes I failed to note I'm born good and perfectly the way I expected myself to be.

I made a list of good friends, the good moments we shared. It's heartbreaking when knowing touched memories ain't much for retained-dwelling but commemorated and let go as time passes. You just can't keep reality and have to let it go. "How do you fill a cup that's already full". And yesterday, I threw away two Giodano jeans (since secondary school) so I could free more space my my growing newer ones. Philosophy in practice.

It's sad realising I had to brave it all, make the hard decisions and promise myself never to look back again. Reliant or not, it's time to donate unfruitful "investment" and continue to search for what best to salvage. Like confidence and other things which would save you troubles of worrying. For now, I have my Dolce and Gabanna shoes which I termed "the Twins". Thank you for keeping me proud and smiling.

De one with Re-entree

2010-07-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

Not quite done confessing yet

I seriously don't understand what's the big fu*king problem with being yourself. I shop, get whatever I want, live a fortunate life. Who are people to judge us?

Stop being like someone you know about everyone. Sometimes, a fool is not fooler than the one who judges the fool.

Quit evaluating, start doing. Don't regret and *snap* you're in control. Of no one but yourself.

De one with Life Crisis

2010-07-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

Confessions

Ave Maria, it'd better not be what I think it is.. wish I won't have to admit it but hurtfully, I think "quarter-life" crisis slammed.

Wait, didn't they say menopause wouldn't hit males until late 50s or something? Or worst, could this be a yucky second episode, repeat telecast of puberty?

It's just similar to how science can't explain the supernatural, feels sh*tty everything. I can feel all sunshiny, lit myself in flames and next moment, the rain's just persistent to extinguish the rays I emit.

And the sad part, I know very well "the toughed keeps the tough going". Smile graciously and optimism might just work like how a little pinch would save you from a serial nightmare. Gave it alot of shots, it all seems futile.

Calm down and think? Relax? It's taken a toll on me. It's like a body or mind that's not mine. :(

De one with Over and Over Again

2010-07-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

Would you?

What kind of weird habits or personal stuff would you occupy yourself with when you are feeling sad?

*Raising thy hand* I used to hide under the pillow casing and talk to my imaginary friends when I was below ten years of age. It seemed these imaginary friends left my mind as though through an exit door when age catches up and rationalism claimed its victory over the compartments in my brain. The victorious moment took place when I turned 13.

At 13, my loneliness ventured me into a delight of hiding in the school's library and drown myself in calmness. The tranquility enhanced with air-conditioning, muffled rowdiness behind cold tempered glass doors. It was an image of "heaven" back then.

That's passed. About now, I'd put on my running sneakers and go for an evening jog, perspire it out. I guess people curse and swear. I run and sweat it off. Clears my head and shake those downers out. This would be healthier and damn, not only do you feel better, you look better. What can I say, the sense of achievement further compliment the initial thought of dispelling my negativity.

Urban legend or clinche yet true. I drink. Not to the critical stage of turning myself into an alcoholic of course. Well, one can't deny the fact that having to be concerned with a spinning headache or overnight hangover does help keep your mind off and somewhat even make you forget part of misery. Perhaps sadness drowned itself when we become sober enough to realise how silly I was being overly-concerned and unhappy. hmm.. Perhaps the alcohol lowered our guards like an opening floodgate, thereby enabling the easiness to speak, confess and confide with others. For me, it was a moment of relaxation and letting go. Its as though time has stopped when I could finally hear myself breathe.

Pragmatism warns us time waits for no man or boy. I hate it but that's just inherent in life. Hence, it gave me a reason to board on the bus, plug on my ipod music and weep the long journey back. And I never fail to tell myself, at the destination stop, I must compose myself and chuck every single bit of gloominess at the commuter's seat.

Food is the next thing that comes inevitably. Disappointingly all the gals out there, eating to crunch sorrows never really work. It's the entire opposite of running to chase your melancholy out of your system. It's like stacking more to whatever that's on the "sad quota" when I look myself in the mirror just before or after I showered. Uackk.

But I do have a tiny confession to make, SINS chocolate proofed itself an antidote whenever I broke up. It's something rrrrreeeaaallly abnormal. Stuff I'd never do - Eat sinfully.

Well, if your advice is to eat, why not having yourself a cheesecake. That's my favourite since Initial D depict a scene of a lovesick Jay Chou stuffing himself with cheesecake as he wanted for its creator to return his call. Oh, cheesecake goes hand in hand with caramel frappachino from Starbucks. If in luck and during the rarest occasion, you might just hear me say "the caramel is sweet. the coffee is better. Bittersweet. Which is why I drink it."

It is only recent that I realised the knick for gifts "embezzles" or "liquidates" the "woe account" in my central heart. Satisfaction from the best derives joy from the joy-deprived. Be beware when Jason shops, 1 sales assistance is not enough. You better have what I want, how I want you to ask friendlily, assist earnestly, smile glamorously and (most desirably) walk me to the door chauffeuring my shopping bags.

Ultimately, nothing beats having a concerned soul call in just to check on me. You can have dispute with your partner, ugly experience with client, quarrels with friends, sucky day with work and all it takes is a phrase from the unexpected to light a spark to eradicate or wipe off those negativity infesting your heart like a droplet of black ink in a fishbowl of water, and bloom delights to keep you smiling when you turn in for the night.

Thank you.

De one with Misses

2010-07-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

Muses in my head

As I steal some time to doze and peeked an episode of SNTC, didn't take long before missing thoughts bloomed in my mind.

What a heaven of things I miss. Aww.. the starbucks coffee, sweet and bitterness, a book, drizzle coolness.

Lazy afternoons, drawing, quiet lethargic moments.

Man, I missed so much.

De one with Prada Trauma

2010-07-18T22:36:00.001+08:00

Case impossible #1

Crime scene     : Prada Ion, #02-15, Cashier
Time of crime   : 7 - 8ish pm
Victim              : Myself
Accomplice     : Ms J.S Kwek

Witnesses    : Female assistance, insignificant customers, $250 bear keychain

Headlines: THE IMPOSSIBLE ON MR IMPOSSIBLE

It occurs when you least expected. Correction, the victim in this instance. None of my belongings above $1K were ever paid on behalf by my exes, friends, dates, colleagues, f*** buddies, shopping buddies, Mohan. "Abso-fuc*kin-lutely" certain to my shopping history. Speaking of history, yes, indeed literally, this shopping phenomenon wrote off my past purchase into the history book. I had no choice but to have Ms Kwek paid on my behalf for my purchase.

Of course, I reimbursed her after much-efforted hunt for AXS from Ion down to PS.. in three installment. All thanks to my credit card which refusingly decline the credit which only exceeded by a mere $100, my Mastercard being suspected of fraud transaction, landing itself into "replacement in transit" status and my scatterbrain-iness on paying with NETs. Sigh.

Swore to all, never had I landed myself in such an embarrassing moment. Well, everyone could emphasize and comfort me to "Let it go! You paid eventually! It's good as you bought it" Yet proud to say, I've never let others paid for something I want to buy. But that's peanuts. The root of the problem is, Jason was helplessly in an "out of wits" position, particularly when I was at payment stage.

If there was a hole I could dig out of the Prada store carpet, I would. It completely ruined my subsequent shopping trip. Ask the accomplice, never get anything after trauma at Prada. I even detour to avoid going to my hotspot Tiffany. What an unforgettable drama. Now that I mentioned it, I can feel my goosebumps and hair "mari kita"-ing. OmG.

De one with Wishing for Age

2010-07-11T22:20:00.001+08:00

Wish upon a star

Is it a lame or brave thing to be voicing out what you have always hoped for for your birthday?

Well, in office, your colleagues might have joked about it before. Sighing as they leave their remarks like "You know, why not tell us what you want for your birthday to make our present hunting (life) easier?". Greedy people or a less-offensive term would be "honest" people would feel obliged to tell. For all you know, they testify with their "consideration of not having" to waste people's money buying something that is the opposite of what they want. By at large, we choose not neither to sound-off or kiss and tell. While about 3% seriously meant it when they say: "No, I don't really need presents" and a scarce 2% would say "I've everything I need", probably 95% responses to such discretion on what we want on our birthdays might converge into the need for "surprise".

I was thinking since we are in the 21st century, why not be more vocal and spit out this tiny-greed for a perfect birthday gift. Come on, let you have the honor..

Without much thought, a popular guy might just reveal he's happy to have company. Well, this is pretty common during the celebrated 18th and 21st birthdays when peers and family organises big parties with all sorts of funny numberically shaped cakes, the youths will throw in cartons of booze and all night-long of excited screaming, hell lot of laughter and silly pranks.

A girl might be dreaming for a childhood dream come true. Imagine a cartoon stripe with this little girl, clasping both her hands tightly, eyes shut with cloud-bubbles appearing above her head. The stripe zooms into these cloud-bubbles which magically reveal a dreamy scene of either something from Tiffany, a handsome guy proposing, a tiara and god knows what.

A pauper yearning for survival as much as how the girl who sold matchsticks. They yearn for love, warmth, relationship, football, ambition-achievement and most crucially, a way to make quick cash and other means of freeing out of their existing miserable life.

Without the benefit of doubt, out of 10 persons, 8 might wish for tangible things. Which relates similar to what I might have in mind for perfect gift on my forthcoming quarter-century birthday.

No scums, no special someone, no colognes, no man's jewellery, no leather bags, no Ang-baos. I've always wanted a belt from Dolce and Gabbana's until last month when I finally picked up the courage and stride into the store at Taipei 101 alone. What else... (*finger to chin*)

I just really wish a large black sketchbook with photos, crappy writings, drawings of different stuff, things I love, things that people hate, love about me. Honest things about who I am through others' perspective. I don't know... maybe in the style of year book cause I realised I've been doing so much drawings, decorated stuff for others and never been given one before. Haha.

What other things people never really gotten for me? I don't know, a pair of drawn shoes? Shoes? Dolce belt (it's still on the "A" list)? A gorgeous photo of myself nicely framed? Oh well... birthday gifts are a killer to most. Especially for someone who's individualistic and attains everything he needs, wants and wishes for (eventually).

Oops, looks like I might have to change the opening tag. It looks like a galaxy had been wished upon!

De one with Advice

2010-07-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

Quote to a new-found friend

Quarrels are like melted glue. When it cools, it patches your relationship back together firmly.

De one with Grea-dual-(fric)tion Trip

2010-07-11T00:44:00.002+08:00

Summer, warm and fussy

"For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring." - Benvolio, Romeo and Juliet, Act III Scene I

Indeed Taiwan did touch my heart in two ways:

First and foremost, the country touché moi de sense of sight with the magnificent mountain-view at 九份, the "Abraham Lincoln" lookalike Chiang Kai-shek and Sun Yat-Sen colossal statues, a glimpse of the nature-made queens head rock at 野柳;

... Smell of fade smelly dou fu along 西門町, of sulphuric air from hot springs within 北投, of rich-burning joysticks within 龍山寺;

... Hearing the sounds of moving 臺北火車, welcoming greetings at shops in 五分埔; Hokkien-chinese accent of the locals when they reply to our road-direction inquiries;

... Taste of steaming hot chicken cutlet at 師大路夜市, 士林夜市, the juicy 小笼包 from 鼎泰丰 restaurant, monstrously sweet ice dessert, tear-wading spicy steamboat at 飞天麻辣火锅; salt water at the benches of 墾丁;

... Feel the strong winds while crossing to lovers' bridge at 漁人碼頭; what it's like being a child again at the miniature museum and taiwan storyland; the discovery of shops at Taipei 101 and 新光三越.

On the flip side of the Taipi 50 dollar coin, I realised the disintegrating seven year bond between the then and now "Tribal gang". Perhaps before I ratter on, here's an disclaimer footnote: Applicable for those who went on this "graduation trip".

It turned out gender indifference does create friction amongst a group of friends. Indifference issues in particular relate to the way both genders think or thought. Once, a friend feedback his penny of thought that the softer (not weaker) gender prefers to conceal her thoughts, decisions. Ideally, she prefers to tag along and have the opposite gender to initiate and continuously, as a matter of fact, until he gets it right, ie the way she wants it to be. Interestingly, certain magazine columns and casual emails propagandising the "ugly truth" about the the +O and <-O support likewise coincidentally or equivalent. Amused and true, I observed the likeliest in an unlikeliest place - Taipei.

Of course, to be subjective, gender indifference couldn't be fully taken to blame. Perhaps communication could be another reason. A module I took taught us one of the fundamentals of effective communication includes a clear sender, desirable medium and a receiver who not only able to receive and comprehend the information from the sender but also, ability to feedback to the sender. Like in relationship or business transaction, without offers and replies, nothing ever gets commuted! Now combine gender characteristics and this barrier of unwillingness or what everyone thought was unnecessary to inquire or clarify, the team turned into lost sheeps despite having guidance from a pretty well-drawn up itinerary. Why?! Probably want to associate this with a little peek into psychology (not that I really studied or research) but economist quotes "human tend to conceal their wants until there's a market with suits his wants". No news means good news. No probing, everything's good.

Apart from the above, could it be the fault of our flight delay? Apparently, GK complained to me at the departure waiting hall perhaps it was due to the flight delay at the beginning which inevitably scrapped the first day's plan of activities. That resulted in our loss of direction as to where to go, what activities to execute and when. Force majure, there's a chance weather should be taken to stand. It reshuffled some of the itinerary.

At the end of the day, while Js, C and LW waged their thrashing out just before we board our flight home, I still couldn't figure out which of the above was the grande reason for the flopped trip. Even so, what it really that flopped given we never intended anything or objectives to attain for this trip.

May I present the minutes of "thrashing session":
Venue: Da Shun Hotel, Room 603.
Time: 12+pm, night of the unhappy incident at Ken-ding
Matters discussed:
1) C voiced about us doing things together, walk together and be merry.
2) Js was dissatisfied we shunned the girls and walked away without telling anyone. Nobody was ever decisive on what to do.
3) LW being economical, didn't understand why we spend and do something majority didn't want to participate.

Regards to (1), I was doubtful and cynical, frankly speaking. They wanted shopping but we do not shop for the same things at the same store. How to do things and walk together. And at certain places when certain people are overwhelmed with the affordable buys, a completely different plan was presented with a tag which says "for practical reasons". *shrugs and shakes my head*

(2), I just don't get it. Sometimes, we tend to become insecure. No news means bad news instead of taking it literally that it means good news. The itinerary was done, we did a meeting to amend and perfect it a few nights earlier and it was specifically mentioned in the email that feedback are welcome (not compulsory). Ends up, we didn't abide by the itinerary. Flexibility was presented as an option to maneuver the unexpected change of events but it seemed unaccepted. Why does collectivism be practiced when it doesn't really work?

(3) economic is logical. But argument sustained. Indeed there's nothing wrong with spending so much traveling to the beach and doing different activities. While LW was fuming over the uncollected group activities, I was rather disappointed with lack of fun, hotties to admire and be admired, ineffective transport and last minute "play out". When you are under the impression of something and it falls short of what you expect or there's something we are unaware or not-informed, we tend to feel betrayed, unprepared. This feeling suck.

Nonetheless, at the end of it, does the iron-ing out really matter? The left side of my brain exercises its logical thinking which set me thinking "how constructive it is, or what objectives can be achieved from a second thrashing out, so what if we "leave everything in Taipei", does it really mean bygones be bygones when we come back to Singapore and erased anything, everything that ever happened? If so, shouldn't this actualisation actually be effected and us being spared of any debacle thrash-out argument over a night's sleep?

Despite no grudges held, I can't deny the eventful trip made me realise. These realisations shot me and left quite a few bullet-scars in my memory. It made me reassess whether I have any life-long friends. Normally I'd only complain but I lost my temper. It forced me into doing stuff I dislike, for example smoking and to reconsider whether my bestest friend was indeed who I perceived he or she to be. My beliefs about everything, everyone were shook.

I knew everyone would fine it boring to tag along my shopping spree at places where I'd really be joyous and free. LW commented "Nobody is able to shop where you shop at!". So I took where opportunities present itselves to travel alone despite my fear of getting lost because I didn't know how to read the mandarin, it costs heavily to use my GPRS, overseas Wifi and sucks at pronouncing the places where I wanted to be.

I didn't like crowded places, it's just too depressing and suffocating. Particularly at Wu Fen Pu and night markets where there's nothing I could buy whether it's size availability, quality, style or design. It's like Bugis village here. I'm the mismatch. And I hate it totally when you spot something you could afford but couldn't buy. Didn't confess until now, bear for two days, couldn't take it. That's why I decided, no, I have the right to get something that derives me satisfaction.

As much as I swore never to go to Taipei again, what breaks me heart was knowing our friendships weren't placed on solid grounds. Which was probably the root for friction to occur. Countless times I begun to feel even emptier the lack of sense of belonging. The fear of holding on to a rope which is thinning as it threads out the harder you pull or it brittle when it's left untouched. Who is there to believe in, huh..

De one with Do's, Maybe's and Don'ts.

2010-06-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

Traffic lights

Do's:
Be confident, determined and hopeful in life. Everytime I look at the gold, silver and rosey bronze, I feel happy there's love, loyalty and friends to "lean" yourself on when you are down, "life" your good moods further up when and "live" a blissful life.

Do what your heart or gut tells you to.

Maybe's:
Not over-exploit your fate, luck and friendship. Avoid being too accommodate too much, bend over backwards. Sometimes it's better to wait then indulge yourself in a "grab and go" situation.

Don'ts:
Feel the world's at odds with you. Never be too sensitive or indecisive.

De one with Alot to Be

2010-06-08T22:34:00.000+08:00

Wish list

Bet alot of times we wish we could better accomplish our desires. Be it a penny more to get the big bear from the coin-slot machine, a carat more to our engagement ring, a point more to get an A+, an advancement in career to a chance to be glamored on television. Truth is, only a one in a million is bliss with such miracle. Once at a time.

I wouldn't say "pray with me". Hope by all means, it's free. But I'd say, keep the dream alive nonetheless. It's only a matter of time. :)

De one with Resentment (Part 2)

2010-06-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

Same day

Just before I tipped on my Achilles heel, Apollo, Hermes and Aries paid me a dream-visit some nights ago. No words did they utter from their marble lips. Yet alluring smiles across their chiseled faces and firm pats on thy shoulders. As though they knew where my destiny was paved, and towards which I advanced. The lion in me awoke from sleep and fend the bull out of the bears situation.

"Please, frown not my boy", Aslan the lion groaned tenderly. "For the future is long but destined is same. Travel the less trampled roads and gather the fruits along-stray. Fear not, for it is how you stride upon. Not what."

I couldn't help but be amazed what movies can teach us sometimes. A dear one enveloped my downs and sealed it with a kiss. Air flown it to god-knows-where. It was that moment a light-match strike ablaze. To undergo rebirth, the phoenix has to be consumed by its flames (Mayday lyrics, 2007).

This indecisiveness and over-sensitivity have to stop. Stop worry. Rid procrastinating. And be brutally smart about things. Maintaining calm-mindedness is crucial. Don't flop. When things don't work my way, circumvent or pick an alternative without rushing into it. Just employ the same tactic when acquiring things, anything. Hesitate and you lose perseverance.

It becomes clear to what I need to do. Beware, J's bringing back the confidence, determination and onward fascination.

De one with Resentment (Part 1)

2010-06-06T16:31:00.001+08:00

Match lighting

Sit down on your couch, give the television before your eyes a rest and let your relaxing mind have nothing to think of but yourself. This, many might either criticise me for my lack of sanity or sluggerness but... do reconsider this option. Well, I did despite coughing and being slight-sneezy.

Although not extraordinary, it's always good to let your mind have a hibernation hiatus. Taking grace of a windy weekend. No, not asking you to stone. Rather, freed your mind from control, suffocating deadlines and other sorts of problems which cause nothing but premature ageing. Let it decides on what it present and mine, for once told me to evaluate what have I done in recent past few weeks.

JH, H and others who are concerned asked me similar question since the come of May. To be honest, without thinking, I fend them off with a general "I'm busy with work" reply without further justification or detailed complaints as to why. Attempted to face and address it through some heart-to-heart talk with someone else. Unfortunately, it turns out we end up discussing anything but the core issues instead. Lemme kiss and tell. Core issues? To be more specifically: my dilemma, restlessness and resentment.

Arh, "resentment" is the blinking word. Work has been shortlisted as the core ingredient for manifestation of the unpleasantness. Before you cook up all 1001 typical reasons, let me confess my equitable passion for the nature of my job scope. It's a profession and the "classic" feeling it derives, feeding my confidence. Sadly, little did I realise this gradual dissatisfaction lurking as the workload and time grew alongside. Unknowingly, my work productivity and progress into current assignments seemed to have underwent the "bears" period (downward condition in financial market terminology). I used to love sighing and complaining which never cease to help. I'm afraid this time, the grey clouds just wouldn't dissipate.

To let the cat out of the bag, *meow* it seems I'm failing. Oh boy, I am not graduating this semester all because an 8 marks short to passing for AFA. The worst is, I never shed a tear. Maybe split second of disappointment but it didn't wait long before I announced and admitted to all who asked I had not put in the necessary effort. What I didn't tell, it was actually the RT sessions, continuous wave of reports, decision-making sessions, presentation and single-handed audit jobs to up the ante which made it almost impossible to focus or the least apportion my time to committing to this.. unpleasant module which requires tonnes and awful lot of revision and practice. Consolidation, that is it! And I hate it. You see normally, I excel or perform better than expected at things of such, it just didn't come through this time. Personally, it's something which I have to decipher and eloquently familiarise myself with or comprehend, in order to do well or pass.

Beneath that poker-face, M and W commented, I swear to god, I felt like a failure. Having lost control between work and studies and even social life for goodness' sake. Social life. Hah. Alot of times people did asked me out. But I just withdraw or get down with petty illness like running nose, cough. My stubbornness to consult the doctor came at the expense of faster recovery and effective medication.

Jeez... alot of times, there seemed to be no choice to fall back at. Burnt at both ends if you know what I mean. (to be continued)

De one with Wipe and Sparkles

2010-05-29T01:13:00.000+08:00

Slash of the shimmering

Indeed a day to be enlightened!
Alas! Na.am (Yes in Arabic)!

Was washing my hand after relieving myself in the middle of the movie that I cast away all my doubts. Doubts pertaining to my decisions. Decisions concerning the things I purchase, words to say, gestures in behavior, choices to commit. Like life, just when I though the 12 diamonds on the Atlas ring had lost its shine, it twinkled as its facets captured the spotlight during hand-washing. That moment as though an angel had breathe life to a withered flower and it was all magic all over again.

Sidetrack for awhile. Went to watch Sex and the City 2. Generally it wasn't a matchset when compared to its first, this I agree. Perhaps there weren't much glamor. Production funds to doll up the ladies in high fashion, cosmetics and labels seemed to have been allocated to their film site at Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. Highly probable to have cost a dynamite. The movie didn't end with marriage. Instead, it kick-start when gay marriage. What an appetizer to test how much you could appetite the openness of film. Less nudity, less joke but kinda easier to predict where the storyline was going towards.

It's about the same set of problems most women faced. It's all those issues after the look for love, after marriage. About being faithful, committed, sustaining passion, defending what's yours, a little pinch of suppressing your desires. Boy, there was this braless Nanny.. My my.. it's a mouth watering scene for all guys I guessed.

And one more thing I realised, people have seemed to stereotype goodlooking people who ain't married, as homosexuals. *rolls my eye* I wondered why.. What if people just haven't met the right one or they savor freedom of remaining single.

Realisation #3, I enjoy talking to people. And I got feedbacks strangers enjoy talking to me. And who says I'm not gregarious or charismatic enough? *Jason raises his hand*.

Final actualisation, I ain't as uncared for or unloved as I condemned myself to be. My family and certain friends adore me more than anybody in the world. Was blind to the fortunate sparkles around me. I have work experience (typed my CV yesterday), pretty things. More than never, I got most of all that I wanted. Self condemnation -- Wiped and gleam!

De one with Vital Moment

2010-05-28T00:02:00.001+08:00

Hard decisions

Got a demoralising news. Looks like I might not graduate in time with the rest. However, certain opportunities are around the bend. Should I wait till it's time or seize the prospective decisions before me?

*fingers tapping*

De one with The Ugly Duckling Story

2010-05-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

Bedtime stories

The beginnings are ever alluring. Just like how I awoke fresh and reluctantly, like a baby duckling coming out of the hatched egg, to get dressed and head to work.

It seemed as though I'm a dart board after all these days I've been away from office. Everything doesn't seemed to go right. When there's anything wrong, I''m to be blamed or ought to take responsibility for. Not trying to be a disgruntled employee but it's never been more obvious. During my entire 14 hours at office, it literally feels like an ugly duckling which is picked on. Not only is he demoralised with his shabby looks, under-developed intelligence, there's muddy swamps everywhere. Yuck yuck yuck yuck.

It wasn't until the ugly duckling left for home. A place where it could wash itself and transformed into a Swan as he relaxes. Only did he realise beneath all the ugliness and unhappiness, there are beautiful things to compensate for the unfortunate events. My ah-ma made me this nostalgic traditional plum-anade. Super dupper delicious and smoothing to the throat. The moment I arrived home, I saw curry puff.. yum yum, my favourite.

If only there was a "Christmas in a cup"..awww~

De one with Life's a Bed of Rose

2010-05-24T22:36:00.000+08:00

Relax, recuperate and rejuvenate

Any idea how would you plan your activities for a long term should you have the fortune of affording a temporal mid-life retirement? Don't get me wrong. It's not retirement for perpetual or holiday vacation. The term in discussion refers to a short term, you know, one or two months. Scratching your chin or temple? Lemme give you some time to think about it. In the meantime, here's how I'd love my "mid-life" retirement be scheduled... hehe...

I'd wake up as long as my body clock awakes. Or have a dog, licking my fingers. Aww.. it'd definitely melt my heart to wake up to a sunny, windy morning. At least, no sounds of traffic, depressing crowd to the busstops or panic over being unable to get a cab to be in time at work.

Wake up with freshly brewed tea in fine china or my all time favourite mug, read some newspapers, magazines Well, himbo's dumb enough. It's prudent habit to cultivate the brain from moulding. Just imagine.. not blonde, can't afford to get dumb.

I'd got for a jog on alternate days. Followed by swimming and suntanning in the afternoon sun. When it's raining, I'll most likely stay home, watch home videos or plug on my ipod and cycle or do weights at home. After swim, I could have late lunch with friends, my god-brother, go ikea to shop for awhile. It's optimum to shop in the afternoon. You do not get a rushed feeling that the day is ending and there ain't much crowd or clatter from all the people who just never stop rumble and ratter over what happened at work or on their journey today.

On days when I do not exercise, I'd most likely draw to my heart's content. Creativity's at its peak during early hours. I could go to the park, lay myself on a carpet-grass patch, listen to the (toilet-trained) birds with the dome of ceiling-less, clear blue skies above. Puurrrfect!

Late afternoons I could go for facial. Or stay home to stone and realise how untidy my room is. Am certain it wouldn't be long before I start packing and revamping the layout of my room. At times, I might just polish my crystal babies, tiffanys and bags. Other time, it'd be adoring to have some private moment, reading a book with Starbucks coffee or napping.

Come evening time is the prime time to walk the dog. Or fly a kite should there be winds. I recall sitting at the stairs at the end of the overhead bridge leading to the park. Clouds of various, manipulative shapes, flushed orange and gold as the settling sun flare its glory. Or perhaps trailing by the river, feeding fishes or throwing pebbles would be nice.

The night is often covered with a blanket of stars as the crickets hold their outdoor concert. Dinner and movie dates would be magical. Especially when you've had a rested daytime. Attributing reasons are simple. You look and feel best despite the curtains closing for the day. Cast away worries for repeat of the vicious cycle of work, school or Ns training. Only sweet dreams awaits and a brand new tomorrow to accomplish whatever you have not done today or the day before.

It's a fairytale to have someone sitting by yourself, in front of a fireplace or heater during the monsoon period. Both of us drinking hot chocolate, strawberries and cuddling warmth under a quilt. Man.. it's unbelievably awesome to have times like this. Not forever but frequent. Let's not be too greedy la, hah..

De one with May in a Blink

2010-05-23T21:08:00.000+08:00

Unwant-ed

Seriously, ask yourself what you have done or achieve for this month. Thus far, I am guilty to say my achievement list haven't been long. To make it worse, it was uneventful.

Regretful thoughts of quitting is in the air. My colleague got accepted into one of the big 4. For me? I'm sitting on the fence. What's in front of me seemed vivid and misty. It's tough to move on without assurance that I made the mark to graduate. In the meantime, I fear the tendency to fall backwards, which means school day's are not over and graduation seemed a couple of months away. This uncertainty is displeasing.

Well, as much as my expectations of less-loaded-with-work month, it only stretched as far as the first week and things fell back where they were last month. It's big job. No clear timeline for me to plan my work. Everyone's directing here and there. I detest all these ambiguity and top of all, the inevitable helplessness.

This explains why I've been unhappy. Sent texts in search of comfort and got nasty comments. Gee.. give me a break nasty people. I didn't text so I could be reminded to be apologetic. Shared with I and F, no matter how towering-ly confident, high-esteemed and sunshiny about yourself (who I am, how I behave, equipped), discerning words never fail to get to you.

Since all above failed, this poor boy zipped his mouth and resolved on other agendas:
1st agenda: Catching up with a few friends
2nd agenda: Bought delightful things, Jay Chou album
3rd agenda: Stay home and spend time with family
4th agenda: Embark on constructive activities like running, improving vocabulary and learning to rest

Breathe, keep going and recharge. That's my life philosophy for this month. Some life huh..

De one with a Day with Conjunctivitis

2010-05-18T22:04:00.000+08:00

On medical leave

Woke up yesterday with my left eye red. Conjunctivitis. Have no slightest idea how it happened. Ah-ma kept telling me to take the day off work and see the doc. After contemplating for a few minutes, I decided work at client's place is too much to miss and headed off to work with eyes of red and white.

Visited the doctor since the eye didn't heal and the itch is just too bothersome. She gave me eye-drop and medical leave. I kinda enjoyed the day. A day without work. When it got better, I went down town just to collect Jay Chou's tenth album.

"跨時代" came with a souvenir: An album with collar pins of the past nine albums. Under each are the dates on which the albums were released. It comes in cup-board or metal. Thanks to being simple for the week, I choose the cup-board which was obviously a wrong choice. After some thought, it's fine. I had one thing less to find a space for.

The songs are more or less about the same style. Jay Chou did it his way. I wouldn't proclaim myself to be a big fan but a considerably loyal one given I supported all his album and vied for his concert tickets though unsuccessful. 10th album. Way to go Jay! And thanks, you music accompanied me through the past few years and never did it fail to cheer me up.

De one with Down-sides of Homosapiens

2010-05-18T21:13:00.002+08:00

Untrusting

"Whatever happened to please-may I? Or yes, thank you? ..Or how charming?" - Velma Kelly, Chicago (1926).

Recent incidents have drenched me with dismay. It only takes one or two to shred your wonderful day from a hundred favourable things.

The ~~Cab~~ Crook-driver

I got conned! Too late to confront on the spot so I lodged an online complaint the moment I got home.

The incident happened on Sunday night. It was past 10, late and I decided for a fast journey home since there was gonna be work tomorrow. I needed to grab some snack from the kiosk. So I had the cab stopped alongside the road and handled $52 to foot the $11 fare. Only after he changed me $1 did he confess he didn't have change for the $50 note. It didn't take more than 4 seconds he came up with the suggestion to charge the fare using NETS. Fine, I returned the coin together with my debit card, in consent to his suggestion. I placed the $2 note on the center-driver's armrest. I took the note and took over the NETS machine to key in my pin to proceed with payment. After that, I collected my loose items (wallet, Nexus phone, documents and keys) in the poor litten environment (he didn't bother to turn on the cab light). During this moment, there was a subconscious doubtful soul which keep telling me something's amiss. I inquired the driver whether he did return me my $50 note. "Yes" he replied in a "ya ya, I did, just get outta my cab" intonation.

Not very nice to risk the cabby's time, so I alighted promptly. Stepped out of the vehicle with a heavy heart, I forced hard on my memory, trying to recall whatever happened over and over again like fixing a 10 piece puzzle within 1 minute. I rechecked my wallet! Alas! There should be two $50 notes, now there's only one! - Treachery.

Sigh, how come this kinda crook still exist? Cheat the young's money through a intended lie.

~~Spiky~~ Despise ~~hair~~ +Airy salesman

To salvage the lamentable news for the month: A star chipped off my Swarovski Kris bear. Thanks to my aunt's deed to clean lor. So i carried the ornament of heartache to Orchard only to be informed by a friendly lady that repairs can be done at 4 collections points. She was kind enough to give me a card with the 4 collection branches with addressed imprinted and even suggest the nearest was Raffles City Shopping Centre.

With godspeed, I proceeded to Raffles City. The displeasing incident unfolds.

This chub was at the counter, opened up the blue box with a "man, just wanna get this over and done with" attitude. Definitely far from how the lady unpack when I got the crystal. He inspected the warranty booklet three times, each lasting for at least 2 minutes. Once when he first opened the box. Once before he took the piece out. And again after he put the piece back. It wasn't until the third time when my patience ran out that I clarified if there was something wrong with the warranty. And he said, he had trouble making up the date. Please la, you could have ask, There's only two date and it's hand-written bigger in size than the front size of what you read. His behaviour spoke of his doubt over my integrity. I swear to God, Jesus, Allah, Zeus, Achamán it was.

The way he advise. No, not advising. Sarcastic about separating the detached piece from the main crystal. Sigh. He mentioned "next time". The other Jason thought, "yeah right, there's not gonna be a next time. Definitely not with you".

The second wave of sarcasm came with the my filling of particular. My handwriting. "If your contact number is not clear, how are we going to contact you". Please la, say it in a better manner.

The three rings he worn, a metallic (filled with scratches) and two other "honestly ring" with plain crystals (not diamonds) and you speak to me in an airy manner. Totally not goodlooking at all. You are still a salesperson behind a counter providing service assistance. What the...

A piece of white paper will never be perfect with a black marker dot on it. I'm an easy-going customer. Ask James and others the limits of my tolerance threshold. This coming from me.. ain't sound fine.

Rude and cunning people. What is the world coming to.. Jeez! :(

De one with Quad-Centennial Edition

2010-05-17T00:51:00.004+08:00

With dexterity

Inaugural to celebrating 400 blogs of complaints, joyful news, depressing written ordeals and sweet-smelling nostalgic stories, I dedicate this slightly-off 403 entry to my dearest friends, supportive readers and forthcoming stalkers, passing web-browsers or even spot-checkers. Lol.

A few months ago, I conducted a brief survey. This involved friends and acquaintances to text a single word which they felt best in describing me. You could call it "evaluation". I call it "research materials" and reliable sources ain't more appropriate than people whom I've dealt or met before. Then again, just to clarify further, the most important bottom-line is to be receptive and present words from others meant more valuable than casual, self-composed entries.

Without further ado, *clasps both hands together*, let's have our appetizers serve, shall we?

*Opens the dish cover, clouds of mist unfurls out beneath* the glitter word appears as the mist dissipates: "Vain pot". Yes, this was the golden word which bestowed by you-know-who. *palms out* Indeed I can't deny. Look at my toiletries, how I choose my clothes, accessories and you'll know how true that word reflect. Obviously it ain't a positive description. Well, everybody deserves to be vain, to bring out the "better" appearance in us. But of course, without going overboard or superficially pretentious.

"Sweet" appears second on the list. Your votes. Not mine arh. Personally, there's really nothing distinctively sweet about me. Basically, I do things willingly or genuinely for people whom I care about. Honestly, given my limited capacity, unaccomplished gift of speech, or body size, there's nothing I can do to protect or do miraculous works to patch broken hearts (although I have a NUM Tee which says so.. ok kidding), or even cheer you up like some psychiatric-guru when you're down. "Do things within your means" (Mummy, 1995) and abidingly, I did, without intentions to please.. just want you to be gay (ie happy).

Others perceive this as "accommodating", some stereo-typed me"bending-over-backwards" and trying hard to impress. While I do admit investing my best at times, I'd beg to differ from the dreadful "I" word. Cause is simple. I never do. Those whom I've worked with or seen my work comment in unison of me being "perfectionist". Philosophically, I trust if you never try, how would you know. Even if you did try, give it your best shot. So you wouldn't have any excuse for regret. What do you think, guys with the "I" impression?

"Quiet" and "shy" are next on the feedback list. Hmm.. we've come a long way. Till today, first impressions never fail to pick this affinity between me and being quiet or shy because I have a mouthful of gold or avoid eye contact. Being shy I do admit la.. but improving. As for eye contacts, I'd stick to the same: Unless it's something important, you wouldn't have me looking into your eyes. They say eyes are windows to the soul. I have nothing to hide. Perhaps.. just don't wish having people getting infatuated. Haha. Come on! Know me better and you can be a jury yourself to derive a verdict if "quiet" is representative of my personality. Hah.

"Naive" came from my manager and dear Max. Sometimes, it is tagged along with "stubborn". Naive doesn't mean immature here. Rather it relates to how I view the world. "人之初, 性本善" - 三字經. I trust and adopts less sophisticated way of viewing people despite knowing how complex human nature can be. Why immerse ourselves into over-skeptical or sophisticate-mindedness when socialising with others. Just be plain, be simple and behave how you'd like others behave with you.

Others say I'm "cute". Yes, go on, put your indexes near your uvulas, roll your eyes like roulette at casinos, or start reciting "definition of "cute" = ugly but adorable" if you decide to. Oh by the way, I don't think any dictionary defines cute as ugly but adorable. Continue using this and I'd most probably be the 2nd after Dr Hughes to discover a mistaken in whichever dictionary from which you derive that error from! It's my face. I can't help it. Haha. Come on, don't be discouraged. I'd say, if I can be, so can you!

Some say Jason's "talented".. because I can draw. "Gullible" (some would feedback) and "talented", both are like two big puzzles which can't seemed to fit ley.

"Impulsive".. that's the uprising category which more people are seeing. Others have associated it with me being "impatient" because when I want it, I get it and get it quick. Who or rather, what to be blamed to have cultivated this "fast and furious" force in me? Two culprits: Music and audit. In music, timing has to be precise. Each and every note has a time of its own so that it fits and pieces to form harmony. Of all, I love accelerating tempo which derives an exhilaration within the heart-racing beats and fluid-running notes. Audit. It's a race with time, stuffing all that you can do within a time-frame. Don't bother giving me what is not require. Get the objectives right and get it done and over with. Like "staccatos" within the rhythm of life.

F defines me with "energetic". Hmm.. am I? As much as I try to be jovial and bursting with life, I think this essence of youth seemed to have landed itself into "endangered status" with my current job situation. We get tired so easily. Oh boy.. time to do something about it.

Saved the best for the last. A friend H, texted me this: "You're like Swarovski crystal - Cold and hard on the appearance yet transparent to see". What does it mean? I shall let this be an open-ending...

Words paint an image just fine. Pleasant ones are like primary and bright colors. Objectionable ones are like shades of dark and grey. I hereby give thanks to all who have contributed to this blog. May it root delights in the hearts from which these fantastic descriptive words grew from hours, days, months or even years of interaction with thee.

De one with Criminal 402

2010-05-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

Don't doubt

Went to Barrossa at the Esplanade on Friday. I am sure I ain't an alcoholic. *index finger's up*

I only had classy champagne, sizzling tequila, playful cocktail and tingling daiquiri.

Criminal 402 was called to court. "I didn't do it. I'm not guilty. Believe me, I'm not guilty", pleaded the young chap, trying so hard to convince until his eyes were red and brimmed with moist.

And the judge said if you didn't, raise your arms for inspections of the pockets of your coat. And the young chap did obligingly.

The jury gasped in harmony. Little did the accused know he was on trial for thief from the roti prata seller instead of murder. Both of his palms glistered with oil.