Sunny
Since yesterday, i've been thinking.. about the failed relationship, opposing differences and feelings, thinkings between me and -A-. But, most of all, i'd really sincerely, apologise to AY. I really think you're a very nice and wonderful person. However, i still can't sort out my feelings. Like you've said, i'm really stuck in my past.
Although everyone would advise or even to a point, reprimand me to move on. No matter how much excuses or whatever pushing pursuasions, my tears still keeps flowing... heart keeps bleeding... mind keeps blurring up. Reason is one and simple... I really did love -A- alot.
I admit some of the things i've done were very stubborn and persistent. I admit I was too rash. I admit I was too foolish and gullible to go against our odds. But have you ever asked WHY?
Today, i went IKEA with my former campmate, our responsible and friendly gunnery specialist, Zhen Ze. After having went down to SIM (Singapore Institution of Management) for payment for our uni course. Which will be commencing on 31st July.
Everytime i went IKEA, flashbacks emerge in my mind. How we met your friends Derius and Kelly. That time we dine with Chris, V and gang... Lunch with Dexter.. Sigh.. I was on the bus, on my way back home. Listening to ipod but me mind was wondering off. I thought of the present lonely me... about our past.. I nearly cried. What the fark is wrong with me.
I shouldn't be doing all these. Shdn't even mention because I was too caught up, too obstinate.
Now, I understand how you felt finally.
How you used to like a person. Then after that draw your distance between them. You don't wish to hurt the person. Yet he's so superbly nice to you that you don't know how to reject.
I understand how you felt finally.
-A-, I love you. As much as I dislike you. Because... you disregarded and forsakened me.
Friday, June 30, 2006
De one with Superman Returns
Clear skies
This evening, i went to watch "Superman Returns" with AY. The lastest movie released just today.It's pretty cool. Alot of zoom in and zoom out, fascinating fast movement and filming effects. However, I felt the storyline wasn't that good.
The movie starts with Clark Kent, a teenager was sent to Earth in a crytallised porter by his alien father whose planet was doomed. He grew up in the farm where an old couple brought up Superman. The grown up Clark Kent was re-employed by his former newspaper firm. Throughout, it was dwelling between the bad mastermind, who discovered these powerful crystals left behind by Superman's father; unresolved relationship between a married Lois Lane and Superman; and of course, not forgetting Superman and his helpful deeds.
Gosh. Superman was goodlooking (omg, those brillant deep blue eyes), invincible. Tall framed but not that muscular. Although it's commendable of his rubber-bricked costume. Yet still not changes made to that ugly red briefs. hehe
Lois Lane wasn't so sexy nor intelligent looking... Sigh.
Oh, lame thing was that Superman was near dying towards the end of the part. There was a funny part the surgeon wanted to give a jab. End up, the syringe needle went bent. Hahaha!
I thought alot.. about me and AY. Just only 2nd day of dating. End up, i told AY that I can only give what i have and can give. However, i can't give a fully committed heart to accept AY as my lover. Sigh. Don't know. For a moment, i thought getting dating and attached with someone i love is what i truly wanted. That from which i'll be able to attain happiness. I was wrong. End up, rejecting 4 people liao, regardless directly or discreetly.
Sigh. I'm really like Superman. So closed to the one you have feelings for. Yet, you just have to let that special someone go.
And i truly understand what -A- meant when -A- said: "You can't determine what will happen in the future. Be it tomorrow, a month later..a few years later.."
:: You have to be the one saying it, to understand it's true meaning completely.
When will my Superwoman/Superman comes around and stay with me for life?
This evening, i went to watch "Superman Returns" with AY. The lastest movie released just today.It's pretty cool. Alot of zoom in and zoom out, fascinating fast movement and filming effects. However, I felt the storyline wasn't that good.
The movie starts with Clark Kent, a teenager was sent to Earth in a crytallised porter by his alien father whose planet was doomed. He grew up in the farm where an old couple brought up Superman. The grown up Clark Kent was re-employed by his former newspaper firm. Throughout, it was dwelling between the bad mastermind, who discovered these powerful crystals left behind by Superman's father; unresolved relationship between a married Lois Lane and Superman; and of course, not forgetting Superman and his helpful deeds.
Gosh. Superman was goodlooking (omg, those brillant deep blue eyes), invincible. Tall framed but not that muscular. Although it's commendable of his rubber-bricked costume. Yet still not changes made to that ugly red briefs. hehe
Lois Lane wasn't so sexy nor intelligent looking... Sigh.
Oh, lame thing was that Superman was near dying towards the end of the part. There was a funny part the surgeon wanted to give a jab. End up, the syringe needle went bent. Hahaha!
I thought alot.. about me and AY. Just only 2nd day of dating. End up, i told AY that I can only give what i have and can give. However, i can't give a fully committed heart to accept AY as my lover. Sigh. Don't know. For a moment, i thought getting dating and attached with someone i love is what i truly wanted. That from which i'll be able to attain happiness. I was wrong. End up, rejecting 4 people liao, regardless directly or discreetly.
Sigh. I'm really like Superman. So closed to the one you have feelings for. Yet, you just have to let that special someone go.
And i truly understand what -A- meant when -A- said: "You can't determine what will happen in the future. Be it tomorrow, a month later..a few years later.."
:: You have to be the one saying it, to understand it's true meaning completely.
When will my Superwoman/Superman comes around and stay with me for life?
Thursday, June 29, 2006
De one with Both Sides of Luck
Fair, sunny and romantic clouds
As early as 0630hrs i was commencing reveilli. HEHE! so proud of myself.
Well, sms-ed alot of friends, wishing them good morning. Everyone was surprised over me waking up so early. Initially, i woke up so early to help mama bring Jimson (my younger brother) to school. Had to transport him on his wheelchair, down the 4 flights of stairs.
End up, uncle brought him down. I felt..redundant : Plan A demolished!
After changed, i gathered my essential stuff and headed off to Mac Rictchie Reservoir.
Accomplishment of 7km run, routine excercises and cool-down, only let to a demoralising next happening! Omg! my locker got stuck!
At first i tried not to panic although at the back of my mind, I can't help thinking about the unluckiness featured in "Just my Luck" movie I've just watched yesterday. Sigh. What are the odds that such unluckiness can befall on me!
Sadly, it did. I went searching for the park Office. Finally got there after climbing up-slope, only to get directed to the "canteen" caretaker. Sigh~ Made a total of 5 trips (including returning of the RD-40 cleansing spray which made it possible) for my locker to be unlocked. Omg.
Afternoon met up my good friend, Mohan Gopalan. A very close friend since i've known through ASC course. He was formerly from the same SISPEC foxtrot coy; ASC detachment mate and later, Battalion mate. Went Citylink to collect my NUM membership card (YES! a new card for my collection!). Followed by, jalan jalan at Suntec, coffee-chat, then reap our share of GSS at Orchard. After which we dined at TCC after so long! Yummy...
At night, i finally met up with AY. Someone i got to know recently from the net, just 3-4 days ago. Well... it was an unexpected change of Luck. At last, for once, another spark of hope is beginning to rise in my life. Thank Fate and God...and maybe Luck.
*blush*
Phew~ Experienced both sides of luck in a day. Wonderful =P
As early as 0630hrs i was commencing reveilli. HEHE! so proud of myself.
Well, sms-ed alot of friends, wishing them good morning. Everyone was surprised over me waking up so early. Initially, i woke up so early to help mama bring Jimson (my younger brother) to school. Had to transport him on his wheelchair, down the 4 flights of stairs.
End up, uncle brought him down. I felt..redundant : Plan A demolished!
After changed, i gathered my essential stuff and headed off to Mac Rictchie Reservoir.
Accomplishment of 7km run, routine excercises and cool-down, only let to a demoralising next happening! Omg! my locker got stuck!
At first i tried not to panic although at the back of my mind, I can't help thinking about the unluckiness featured in "Just my Luck" movie I've just watched yesterday. Sigh. What are the odds that such unluckiness can befall on me!
Sadly, it did. I went searching for the park Office. Finally got there after climbing up-slope, only to get directed to the "canteen" caretaker. Sigh~ Made a total of 5 trips (including returning of the RD-40 cleansing spray which made it possible) for my locker to be unlocked. Omg.
Afternoon met up my good friend, Mohan Gopalan. A very close friend since i've known through ASC course. He was formerly from the same SISPEC foxtrot coy; ASC detachment mate and later, Battalion mate. Went Citylink to collect my NUM membership card (YES! a new card for my collection!). Followed by, jalan jalan at Suntec, coffee-chat, then reap our share of GSS at Orchard. After which we dined at TCC after so long! Yummy...
At night, i finally met up with AY. Someone i got to know recently from the net, just 3-4 days ago. Well... it was an unexpected change of Luck. At last, for once, another spark of hope is beginning to rise in my life. Thank Fate and God...and maybe Luck.
*blush*
Phew~ Experienced both sides of luck in a day. Wonderful =P
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
De one with Facial
Sunny
Went for facial at Anna's new shop in AMK central this afternoon. After what? almost 11 mths since my last visit.. Was in a hurry, so took a cab down. Sigh! end up still gotta wait upon reaching there.
Well, the new place's really great. With marbled floor, air-conditioned and they even play calming music, the lighting, deco and everything..really made the whole place like some high-class spa.
So lucky! got offered to get my facial in the most spaceous room. Hmm..wanna know what was my facial like? hehe.. 1st: they washed and cleanse my face with some chemical which smells like calamasi and dry orange peels. Was told it's supposedly to cause "biting" effect when applied. However i felt nothing ley!
2nd: Followed was the "face steaming" by a hot vapouriser machine. I guess it's to open my pores. But thanks to this! Helped me last through the painfulness from 3rd: Treatment of pimples and blackheads!!
Super painful! According to Anna, she said there's alot of "hidden" clog pores. Thus, she used more strength to force these impurities out of my skin. That's the part which cause my face to be sore as if someone drew "poker-dots" onto my cheeks.
After Anna was done, i was so relieved lah!
Thankfully the painful experience was compensated with the next 4th phase, whereby a cooling mask was done.
After mask removal and cleansing, Anna applied pimple cream on my face. Followed by some gel and a "cooling" treatment. She used this ball (like those baby probe-toy) equipment which is filled with cold water and rubbed against my face.
Before i left, she even used this UV probe to "zap" my face. I supposed it was to prevent soreness and infection. Well well, the whole facial experience was painful but great. Not cheap wor! Vainity caused me 62 bucks!
What to do?... face getting buang!
Evening, supposedly meeting Andrew and "bro" for dinner. However, last minute "bro" was unable to make it due to family dinner. End up i still met up with Andrew for dinner and movie!
Watched "Just My Luck" and i really wonder, wuao! How i wish i was half as lucky as the characters were. Everything in life happen so smoothly and successful.. What a desirable life!
Hmm.. of course, i do understand. Nothing in this world is completely wonderful and free. You can be lucky but you still have to return in other ways.
Went for facial at Anna's new shop in AMK central this afternoon. After what? almost 11 mths since my last visit.. Was in a hurry, so took a cab down. Sigh! end up still gotta wait upon reaching there.
Well, the new place's really great. With marbled floor, air-conditioned and they even play calming music, the lighting, deco and everything..really made the whole place like some high-class spa.
So lucky! got offered to get my facial in the most spaceous room. Hmm..wanna know what was my facial like? hehe.. 1st: they washed and cleanse my face with some chemical which smells like calamasi and dry orange peels. Was told it's supposedly to cause "biting" effect when applied. However i felt nothing ley!
2nd: Followed was the "face steaming" by a hot vapouriser machine. I guess it's to open my pores. But thanks to this! Helped me last through the painfulness from 3rd: Treatment of pimples and blackheads!!
Super painful! According to Anna, she said there's alot of "hidden" clog pores. Thus, she used more strength to force these impurities out of my skin. That's the part which cause my face to be sore as if someone drew "poker-dots" onto my cheeks.
After Anna was done, i was so relieved lah!
Thankfully the painful experience was compensated with the next 4th phase, whereby a cooling mask was done.
After mask removal and cleansing, Anna applied pimple cream on my face. Followed by some gel and a "cooling" treatment. She used this ball (like those baby probe-toy) equipment which is filled with cold water and rubbed against my face.
Before i left, she even used this UV probe to "zap" my face. I supposed it was to prevent soreness and infection. Well well, the whole facial experience was painful but great. Not cheap wor! Vainity caused me 62 bucks!
What to do?... face getting buang!
Evening, supposedly meeting Andrew and "bro" for dinner. However, last minute "bro" was unable to make it due to family dinner. End up i still met up with Andrew for dinner and movie!
Watched "Just My Luck" and i really wonder, wuao! How i wish i was half as lucky as the characters were. Everything in life happen so smoothly and successful.. What a desirable life!
Hmm.. of course, i do understand. Nothing in this world is completely wonderful and free. You can be lucky but you still have to return in other ways.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
De one with Class reunion'06 (color-coded edition)
Sunny
The day didn't start off very good. Early morning i did a very unforgivable thing. I was pretty rude to my granny, who was asking me alot of questions (because i was damn pissed with not being able to contact my dad at home, to inform him of the new timing about our meeting at Ang Mo Kio Centre). Sorry, ah-ma. I really didn't mean to be so rude towards you. I never say it out but in my heart and mind. I understand and appreciate your genuine, affectious care and concern over us, beyond words to describe.
I was super pissed with my daddy. Early morning didn't know where he's gone. I arrived, as agreed between my cousin Jasmine and me, at 1030 am. Only to have to wait for my daddy, who only rushed to AMK to meet us from ah-ma's house. Super dupper pissed because all along, i've been asking him to carry a hp. Reason being, it will be convinent to call and contact him since he always goes MIA. Sigh. I was cursing and swearing throughtout my wait at the bus-stop in front of Jubilee.
We went to the former "BK building". In hope for an available chance to see the lawyer at HOH law firm, to settle the letter of administration for my late-mother's assets. The only available and most convinent time for us (Daddy's and Jasmine's working mah) was during weekends. Sadly, the law firm doesn't offer any booking of appoinment over weekends. So we had to go down personally to try by luck. In the end, we didn't manage to get a slot because all were already occupied by other "walk-in" clients. Well, fixed a date where both Daddy and Jasmine were able to take leave, specially during a Friday. So irritating and annoyed. What a wasted trip!
We then lunched at Crystal Jade Resturant at J8. Had the normal dim sum and noodles. Sigh..the variety of dim sum were so limited. Omg.
The next bad thing occurred after having returned to granny's place. I was changing my newly peirced earring (3 days ago). So super dupper unlucky that i couldn't find the ear-hole. Sigh.. tried damn super long, end up my ear hole lao zup! Omg. I was in so much distress until Jasmine has to come help me. End up, using the initial earring, i think i re-peirced, creating another hole, off-side from the original position at the back of my ear. Sigh!
Vanity really comes with a dreadful price of pain!!
Went jogging. My 3rd consecutive day of jogging. Sigh..what to do...getting fat!
I was disappointed because i feel that i'm unable to complete the distance i've planned. Guess i'm really losing alot of stamina. Running shorter and shorter distance per run.
The greatest unpleasant event of the day was the finale Class reunion at Marina Square Seoul Garden. First thing, i was super late. Meet initially at 6pm. End up arriving only at 7pm. Omg.
Second, i was super bored when everyone elses are talking and catching up with one another. Talking about local uni admission, faculty fun-camps. Sigh.. all of which i have no participation in.
That's when the Mr. Lonely song starts to play in my head...
On my way home in the bus. I start to think. I even messaged Clara. I realise whatever -A- said about me were true. Matter of fact is i'm a very anti-social person. Who doesn't like to talk, share conversation. I'm so "pathetic" until i'm able to make others feel they are unable to strike any conversation with me. End up, i just sit there and "stone".
That's why, this will forever be the distance between -A- & me, which makes it impossible for us to be lovers.
(Sobs)
Worst is, i know where the problem lies within me. Yet, all i do is whine, complain and sigh over it. Reluctant to do anything about it.
-A- said before.. "You make urself look bad in front of others. Not me."
It's all true...
What a big farking Loser Jason is... I hate myself (jtshin~ban)...
:'<
The day didn't start off very good. Early morning i did a very unforgivable thing. I was pretty rude to my granny, who was asking me alot of questions (because i was damn pissed with not being able to contact my dad at home, to inform him of the new timing about our meeting at Ang Mo Kio Centre). Sorry, ah-ma. I really didn't mean to be so rude towards you. I never say it out but in my heart and mind. I understand and appreciate your genuine, affectious care and concern over us, beyond words to describe.
I was super pissed with my daddy. Early morning didn't know where he's gone. I arrived, as agreed between my cousin Jasmine and me, at 1030 am. Only to have to wait for my daddy, who only rushed to AMK to meet us from ah-ma's house. Super dupper pissed because all along, i've been asking him to carry a hp. Reason being, it will be convinent to call and contact him since he always goes MIA. Sigh. I was cursing and swearing throughtout my wait at the bus-stop in front of Jubilee.
We went to the former "BK building". In hope for an available chance to see the lawyer at HOH law firm, to settle the letter of administration for my late-mother's assets. The only available and most convinent time for us (Daddy's and Jasmine's working mah) was during weekends. Sadly, the law firm doesn't offer any booking of appoinment over weekends. So we had to go down personally to try by luck. In the end, we didn't manage to get a slot because all were already occupied by other "walk-in" clients. Well, fixed a date where both Daddy and Jasmine were able to take leave, specially during a Friday. So irritating and annoyed. What a wasted trip!
We then lunched at Crystal Jade Resturant at J8. Had the normal dim sum and noodles. Sigh..the variety of dim sum were so limited. Omg.
The next bad thing occurred after having returned to granny's place. I was changing my newly peirced earring (3 days ago). So super dupper unlucky that i couldn't find the ear-hole. Sigh.. tried damn super long, end up my ear hole lao zup! Omg. I was in so much distress until Jasmine has to come help me. End up, using the initial earring, i think i re-peirced, creating another hole, off-side from the original position at the back of my ear. Sigh!
Vanity really comes with a dreadful price of pain!!
Went jogging. My 3rd consecutive day of jogging. Sigh..what to do...getting fat!
I was disappointed because i feel that i'm unable to complete the distance i've planned. Guess i'm really losing alot of stamina. Running shorter and shorter distance per run.
The greatest unpleasant event of the day was the finale Class reunion at Marina Square Seoul Garden. First thing, i was super late. Meet initially at 6pm. End up arriving only at 7pm. Omg.
Second, i was super bored when everyone elses are talking and catching up with one another. Talking about local uni admission, faculty fun-camps. Sigh.. all of which i have no participation in.
That's when the Mr. Lonely song starts to play in my head...
On my way home in the bus. I start to think. I even messaged Clara. I realise whatever -A- said about me were true. Matter of fact is i'm a very anti-social person. Who doesn't like to talk, share conversation. I'm so "pathetic" until i'm able to make others feel they are unable to strike any conversation with me. End up, i just sit there and "stone".
That's why, this will forever be the distance between -A- & me, which makes it impossible for us to be lovers.
(Sobs)
Worst is, i know where the problem lies within me. Yet, all i do is whine, complain and sigh over it. Reluctant to do anything about it.
-A- said before.. "You make urself look bad in front of others. Not me."
It's all true...
What a big farking Loser Jason is... I hate myself (jtshin~ban)...
:'<
De one with "I still miss you"
3/4 of rain, 1/4 of me
Today's just another day for me. Waking up in the morning, giving some thoughts to that special someone i've been missing. Despite it's already been 2 mths plus since our final parting.
The morning wet weather was a spolit to my initial plan of going for jog and hopeful, leisure swim and suntanning. Instead, i stayed indoors. Having my hair dyed DIY. End product? looks oki. Stunning red hair! Kinda pleased by it. Disappointingl, i was thinking that maybe it'd been better if i had more sun-kissed skin tone to match my reddish hair. Well, make do with it lor.
Afternoon went how to tidy up my house with mama (my aunt). There were so much to clear. In the milst, i came across this photo of my late-mum, in her early 20s. She look kinda pretty. Well, that's not the part about it. More significantly, it's bringing tears and memories of her gone.
Oki.. (phew..)
Came back to granny's house around 3pm. Went jogging straight away (getting fat liao). After that rushed down Plaza Singapura to meet my super-good-friend, Edwin. I was super late. Omg. Oops. Sorry.
We dined at the Glass House since poor Edwin has never been to Fish n Co before. Under the recommendation from his friend, he ordered the Swordfish with rice. I had my favourite Fish n Chips. Hmm...he couldn't finish the large serving (2 enormous slice of swordfish!), to be dripped into a sauce which i thought tasted like Thai Chili Oil. But Edwin said there's mango sauce in it.
The swordfish tasted like those fried flat-fish my granny used to cook... salty and fishy. Hehe.
Of course! No match for my Fish n Chips!
Omg. It was damn filling. Sigh.. there goes all my jogging effort in the evening. :'(
After that, we went to watch the 93.3FM 6th Gold Music Awards mini-billboard performance. It stages a segment of all the final 6 terms from Superband (nothing much) and 8 singers, comprising of local singers like Tsui Chun Jia, Kelly Poon, Hong Jun Yang and overseas artistes like Fan, He Yao Sun, Guang Liang, Tank... Ok la.. but unfortunately, it's damn cramped, thereby causing everybody to perspire like crazy. Didn't really concentrate none was I "enthu" over this event. Was just being a super good friend, accoying Edwin since he wanted to watch his favourite Superband live.
Was on my way home when the heart ache releapsed again. Have you ever felt so hurt that your heart feels as if it's bleeding? or it feels as if your whole heart is drenched with tears which just can't flow down ur cheeks? It hurts so much that you wish you're better off dead. It hurts so much you feel so empty in your heart.
Only the sole misery... Desperate desire... Ultimate screaming loneliness... Unexplainable quiet frustration... Frail hope...
Sometimes memories will rush in... triggered by what you saw, listened, smelled, touched..
Sweet memories which will make you feel nostalgic about...
Regretful memories which will burns your cheeks...
Sad memories which will cause you to weep...
I also thought... i'm freaked out.. that i'm aging. I really don't want to be older and realised i don't have someone who loves and be loved by me.
Unknowingly, the feeling of loss sips into the mind. Intrigating a undeniable confused state of mind... a question that's beyond any possible solution. I hate this. I really do.
Today's just another day for me. Waking up in the morning, giving some thoughts to that special someone i've been missing. Despite it's already been 2 mths plus since our final parting.
The morning wet weather was a spolit to my initial plan of going for jog and hopeful, leisure swim and suntanning. Instead, i stayed indoors. Having my hair dyed DIY. End product? looks oki. Stunning red hair! Kinda pleased by it. Disappointingl, i was thinking that maybe it'd been better if i had more sun-kissed skin tone to match my reddish hair. Well, make do with it lor.
Afternoon went how to tidy up my house with mama (my aunt). There were so much to clear. In the milst, i came across this photo of my late-mum, in her early 20s. She look kinda pretty. Well, that's not the part about it. More significantly, it's bringing tears and memories of her gone.
Oki.. (phew..)
Came back to granny's house around 3pm. Went jogging straight away (getting fat liao). After that rushed down Plaza Singapura to meet my super-good-friend, Edwin. I was super late. Omg. Oops. Sorry.
We dined at the Glass House since poor Edwin has never been to Fish n Co before. Under the recommendation from his friend, he ordered the Swordfish with rice. I had my favourite Fish n Chips. Hmm...he couldn't finish the large serving (2 enormous slice of swordfish!), to be dripped into a sauce which i thought tasted like Thai Chili Oil. But Edwin said there's mango sauce in it.
The swordfish tasted like those fried flat-fish my granny used to cook... salty and fishy. Hehe.
Of course! No match for my Fish n Chips!
Omg. It was damn filling. Sigh.. there goes all my jogging effort in the evening. :'(
After that, we went to watch the 93.3FM 6th Gold Music Awards mini-billboard performance. It stages a segment of all the final 6 terms from Superband (nothing much) and 8 singers, comprising of local singers like Tsui Chun Jia, Kelly Poon, Hong Jun Yang and overseas artistes like Fan, He Yao Sun, Guang Liang, Tank... Ok la.. but unfortunately, it's damn cramped, thereby causing everybody to perspire like crazy. Didn't really concentrate none was I "enthu" over this event. Was just being a super good friend, accoying Edwin since he wanted to watch his favourite Superband live.
Was on my way home when the heart ache releapsed again. Have you ever felt so hurt that your heart feels as if it's bleeding? or it feels as if your whole heart is drenched with tears which just can't flow down ur cheeks? It hurts so much that you wish you're better off dead. It hurts so much you feel so empty in your heart.
Only the sole misery... Desperate desire... Ultimate screaming loneliness... Unexplainable quiet frustration... Frail hope...
Sometimes memories will rush in... triggered by what you saw, listened, smelled, touched..
Sweet memories which will make you feel nostalgic about...
Regretful memories which will burns your cheeks...
Sad memories which will cause you to weep...
I also thought... i'm freaked out.. that i'm aging. I really don't want to be older and realised i don't have someone who loves and be loved by me.
Unknowingly, the feeling of loss sips into the mind. Intrigating a undeniable confused state of mind... a question that's beyond any possible solution. I hate this. I really do.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
De one with another day
Sunny and breezy
Today's thursday. Boring day. Yesterday marks 2 mths before my birthday woh.. sigh... till now i've yet to plan how am i going to celebrate. Sigh..thought at the beginning of the year, that special someone will celebrate and make my 21st birthday a memorable one. Since my late-mummy can't make it. Sigh. Stil recall she saying she might get my a "golden key".
Today i went jogging again. Feel lighter now. haha.
My annual JC civis-group outing commencing this Saturday. Miss last year's due to my mum's funeral wake. Hmm... anticipating it even though i bear abit of anxiety cause didn't see the class people for over years. Wonder how it will be and how everyone has transformed into.
2S26, cya on this weekend!
Today's thursday. Boring day. Yesterday marks 2 mths before my birthday woh.. sigh... till now i've yet to plan how am i going to celebrate. Sigh..thought at the beginning of the year, that special someone will celebrate and make my 21st birthday a memorable one. Since my late-mummy can't make it. Sigh. Stil recall she saying she might get my a "golden key".
Today i went jogging again. Feel lighter now. haha.
My annual JC civis-group outing commencing this Saturday. Miss last year's due to my mum's funeral wake. Hmm... anticipating it even though i bear abit of anxiety cause didn't see the class people for over years. Wonder how it will be and how everyone has transformed into.
2S26, cya on this weekend!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
De one with "Why can't You just say an outfront rejection"
Hot day
Seriously, is telling a rejection so difficult?
Of course, it will vary amongst different people. Out spoken and straightforward people would find it much easier coz they are born with it. Not forgetting the constrains of sensitivity. Well, let's just remove all these complexity and speak general.
I mean, why...? in conversation oline. If you don't feel like talking to the other more participating person, you can't put it out frank to that person. Instead, u have to give that person the hope or possbility by giving all sorts of pleasant-to-the-ear excuses. Omg.
This is true for dating too.. omg. Don't like then say it out lah. Sigh. Eh, however before you reject, please consider first lah.
Personally, if i don't like a person, i'll tell that person straight. I'll never allow the other party to wait just because i give excuses to leave that party's hopes suspending in mid-air.
Be decisive. Sigh.. not forgetting some compassion.
Seriously, is telling a rejection so difficult?
Of course, it will vary amongst different people. Out spoken and straightforward people would find it much easier coz they are born with it. Not forgetting the constrains of sensitivity. Well, let's just remove all these complexity and speak general.
I mean, why...? in conversation oline. If you don't feel like talking to the other more participating person, you can't put it out frank to that person. Instead, u have to give that person the hope or possbility by giving all sorts of pleasant-to-the-ear excuses. Omg.
This is true for dating too.. omg. Don't like then say it out lah. Sigh. Eh, however before you reject, please consider first lah.
Personally, if i don't like a person, i'll tell that person straight. I'll never allow the other party to wait just because i give excuses to leave that party's hopes suspending in mid-air.
Be decisive. Sigh.. not forgetting some compassion.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
De one with Running
ASPIRATION
I remember i started the habit of jogging when i was around secondary 1. My late mother will bring me to the park to jog. After that, i gave up. Before i really started this habit again when i was charged with the Power of Love to slim down at the end of my sec 2 year.
Think back.. i was really embarassed by my foolishness. Tried so hard to slim down 10kg just because i fell for a sweet girl who was in the same band as me. Omg! Yet, i was thankful, that changed my life to living a healthier lifestyle. One which i don't have to live in the misery of being obesed.
By the end of sec 4, i was already able to run the whole of bishan park B. Then, always going for frequent jogs with this good friend of mine, Yuyan who was also living convinently nearby my granny's place (i've always lived in my granny's place for convinence of going to school now and then). Of course, thanks to this. I was able to run the gold timing for my 1.6km for NAPFA test.
This capability enabled me to perform better during my junior college years. I managed to improved my 2.4km timing under 10min 30sec. In addition, i was able to complete the annual SRJC Road race of an average 5km timing of <25mins.>lah.
In SISPEC, my running ability was brought to tremandous improvement. I managed to clinch the 2nd or 3rd in my platoon with a 2.4km timing of around 10flat. This last throughtout my Artillery Specialist Course.
However, my peak occured after i was posted into 23rd Singapore Artillery Battalion. Within the mere 1 yr plus of commitment to Arty Cross Country, Army half marathon and inter-unit relays, i unleashed the ability to run faster. Achieving a timing of 9 mins for my latest IPPT 2.4km. And unforgettable fastest timing of 8min 46 s.
Hehe..hope i can be able to further improve and develop my running ability.
Greatest aspiration: To achieve 2.4km timing <8min>
I remember i started the habit of jogging when i was around secondary 1. My late mother will bring me to the park to jog. After that, i gave up. Before i really started this habit again when i was charged with the Power of Love to slim down at the end of my sec 2 year.
Think back.. i was really embarassed by my foolishness. Tried so hard to slim down 10kg just because i fell for a sweet girl who was in the same band as me. Omg! Yet, i was thankful, that changed my life to living a healthier lifestyle. One which i don't have to live in the misery of being obesed.
By the end of sec 4, i was already able to run the whole of bishan park B. Then, always going for frequent jogs with this good friend of mine, Yuyan who was also living convinently nearby my granny's place (i've always lived in my granny's place for convinence of going to school now and then). Of course, thanks to this. I was able to run the gold timing for my 1.6km for NAPFA test.
This capability enabled me to perform better during my junior college years. I managed to improved my 2.4km timing under 10min 30sec. In addition, i was able to complete the annual SRJC Road race of an average 5km timing of <25mins.>lah.
In SISPEC, my running ability was brought to tremandous improvement. I managed to clinch the 2nd or 3rd in my platoon with a 2.4km timing of around 10flat. This last throughtout my Artillery Specialist Course.
However, my peak occured after i was posted into 23rd Singapore Artillery Battalion. Within the mere 1 yr plus of commitment to Arty Cross Country, Army half marathon and inter-unit relays, i unleashed the ability to run faster. Achieving a timing of 9 mins for my latest IPPT 2.4km. And unforgettable fastest timing of 8min 46 s.
Hehe..hope i can be able to further improve and develop my running ability.
Greatest aspiration: To achieve 2.4km timing <8min>
De one with 20.06.2006
Morning downpour, clear skied evening
I didn't realise the interesting fact about today until i received a sms from a long-lost friend named Flora (for more info about this person, pls stay tune for blog abt my secondary school days..hehe). If you were conscioused enough to note that the date is 20.06.2006. With all those seperators removed. Wala! it's the amazing double of 20062006!
hmmm... oki. i see that puzzled look and the loud thought screaming :LAME
For today, as per usual, played pc game all morning.
Met my bestest friend cum campmate, Chin Yu at Orchard in the afternoon. Oops. really sorry i was abit late. Before i reached, he was already complaining about him being under "attacked" by the surveyers looming there.
We brunched at Yoshinoya. Wuao. The currently promoted "super meal" was very filling. It comes with a rice bowl of your choice. With addition of a sea coconut dessert, chawamushi and a choice to choose between miso soup or a small fruit punch.
After that, we went shopping at the usual places, usual route. Heeren > Cineleisure > PS. Oooh..i went to have my second ear peircing at 77th street at PS. Omg! Compared to my very first experience, it's soring painful. Hear-say that ear peircing changes/alters a person's life. Well, i was abit superstitious. So i decided to have a 2nd to reverse back my better life after it was "roti prata" by my first peircing. Surprisingly, met Mohan, after not having seen him for weeks since his departure for his tour in Czeh Republic.
Went to Cityhall. Met another unexpected figure - Francis (our ASC course-mate and battalion mate) who was waiting for his friends at the mrt. Went to New urban male to sort out my delayed-membership matter. After which Chin Yu and me headed home after strolling around Marina Square.
Went to meet my "bro", his stead and my super-good-friend, Edwin to dine at this oolu neighbourhood coffee shop at AMK Ave 2. Well, little did i expect the Western Food there was delicious and filling. For a reasonable price of 6.90 bucks, you can get a big-serving of western food. I had Cajun Chicken meal. Yummy.
What an adventurous day well spent! : )
I didn't realise the interesting fact about today until i received a sms from a long-lost friend named Flora (for more info about this person, pls stay tune for blog abt my secondary school days..hehe). If you were conscioused enough to note that the date is 20.06.2006. With all those seperators removed. Wala! it's the amazing double of 20062006!
hmmm... oki. i see that puzzled look and the loud thought screaming :LAME
For today, as per usual, played pc game all morning.
Met my bestest friend cum campmate, Chin Yu at Orchard in the afternoon. Oops. really sorry i was abit late. Before i reached, he was already complaining about him being under "attacked" by the surveyers looming there.
We brunched at Yoshinoya. Wuao. The currently promoted "super meal" was very filling. It comes with a rice bowl of your choice. With addition of a sea coconut dessert, chawamushi and a choice to choose between miso soup or a small fruit punch.
After that, we went shopping at the usual places, usual route. Heeren > Cineleisure > PS. Oooh..i went to have my second ear peircing at 77th street at PS. Omg! Compared to my very first experience, it's soring painful. Hear-say that ear peircing changes/alters a person's life. Well, i was abit superstitious. So i decided to have a 2nd to reverse back my better life after it was "roti prata" by my first peircing. Surprisingly, met Mohan, after not having seen him for weeks since his departure for his tour in Czeh Republic.
Went to Cityhall. Met another unexpected figure - Francis (our ASC course-mate and battalion mate) who was waiting for his friends at the mrt. Went to New urban male to sort out my delayed-membership matter. After which Chin Yu and me headed home after strolling around Marina Square.
Went to meet my "bro", his stead and my super-good-friend, Edwin to dine at this oolu neighbourhood coffee shop at AMK Ave 2. Well, little did i expect the Western Food there was delicious and filling. For a reasonable price of 6.90 bucks, you can get a big-serving of western food. I had Cajun Chicken meal. Yummy.
What an adventurous day well spent! : )
Sunday, June 18, 2006
De one with a boring Sunday
Frequent showers
I believe to most people, weekends, especially Sundays, is the day everybody look most forward to. That's because it's a well deserved and long-awaited-for-day to spend going out, enjoyment. Simply because it's a day whereby most friends will be free.
For me, it's the other way. Oops. Perhaps because i'm currently not working bah. Anyway, woke up at 9am. Turn out it was rainning - the idea of going for a morning jog just "fell and sqwashed unto my head".
Indeed, nice weather to sleep but i was up playing SIMS 2 on my lappy. Phew.. lasted my whole day til noon that i decided to rest my eyes and switch to some other activity.
Watched korean drama "Romance" all over again (i've watched it before). Nothing better to do mah. By the way, it has my favourite actor in it > Jin Zhai Yuan. Omg. Nearly cried watching the sad scenes. Wanna know? hehe, BORROW the drama from me then u'll know liao!!
Weather in the evening was good. Permitted me to go for a light jog. After that, i was late to meet Andrew, Vance and Jeffrey (for the first time) at Orchard Rd. We dined @ Fish n Co, Wheelocke Place. Supposedly, too, to celebrate Jeffrey's birthday (which is tomorrow). Walked around. Had dessert at Scott's foodcourt before heading home. Vance and Andrew kept teasing why all the drinks i drank were all sour. Sigh..
Yup. What a boring Sunday (spare the meeting with V, A and J) a single has spent today.
Omg! I must get a life soon!!!
I believe to most people, weekends, especially Sundays, is the day everybody look most forward to. That's because it's a well deserved and long-awaited-for-day to spend going out, enjoyment. Simply because it's a day whereby most friends will be free.
For me, it's the other way. Oops. Perhaps because i'm currently not working bah. Anyway, woke up at 9am. Turn out it was rainning - the idea of going for a morning jog just "fell and sqwashed unto my head".
Indeed, nice weather to sleep but i was up playing SIMS 2 on my lappy. Phew.. lasted my whole day til noon that i decided to rest my eyes and switch to some other activity.
Watched korean drama "Romance" all over again (i've watched it before). Nothing better to do mah. By the way, it has my favourite actor in it > Jin Zhai Yuan. Omg. Nearly cried watching the sad scenes. Wanna know? hehe, BORROW the drama from me then u'll know liao!!
Weather in the evening was good. Permitted me to go for a light jog. After that, i was late to meet Andrew, Vance and Jeffrey (for the first time) at Orchard Rd. We dined @ Fish n Co, Wheelocke Place. Supposedly, too, to celebrate Jeffrey's birthday (which is tomorrow). Walked around. Had dessert at Scott's foodcourt before heading home. Vance and Andrew kept teasing why all the drinks i drank were all sour. Sigh..
Yup. What a boring Sunday (spare the meeting with V, A and J) a single has spent today.
Omg! I must get a life soon!!!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
De very first one
Sunshine with initial grey clouds
HEy!
I have a blog before..however sadly, i couldn't find and figure out my former passwards and username. (sobz)
Well, it's alrite. I've decided to start a new blog account. Hopefully this wil stay thru'out for a period.
Today's 14th. The very four months ago, i was spending this very special Valentine's Day with an overly special someone i've only known for a month ago. Really unfortunately, this relationship, like that mentioned in Jay Chou's song titled Long Juan Feng, ended as fast and easily as it'd started.
Sigh.~
Early morning i went for a light jog in the nearby Bishan Park (the one with the fishing pond), of around 3km. Soon after, i met my "bro" for a swim at Bishan Swimming Complex. hehe
what an achievement! I swam around 5-6 laps in free style. For all i can say, it's commendable for an ameature swimmer like me. (oops, sumimasen. I can run better than swim)
Though sun-tanning wasn't really that as desirable. Bro and i brunched at J8's food court. After that just walk around. Went into two VCD stores in anticipation of the release of Underworld : Evolution and Ice Age 2. However, end up only with disappointment.
Reached back home around 1400+ near 1500 hrs. I decided to watch the new vcds i've bought yesturday when i was out job-hunting with my close friend, Clara.
I watched "A season for Love". A korean film chronicies4 pairs of characters. About how they deal with love, loss and life in romantic, loosely interconnected stories. There's this lover. About how this 30 year old fire-fighter wanting to proposed to his lover but lost his ring at the fire station. Due to this, he delayed his proposal..unable to give his lover the assurance (who was waiting for the proposal and worrying about losing him due to the dangerous job). By the time things turned out right and he found the ring, he didn't get the chance to propose to his lover at the dinning resturant (the place where the girlfriend had always wanted to be proposed at). He died in a mission to save hostage in a burning warehouse. He did left a box (with the ring in it) and a video from the fire-scene..sign-languaging "I love you" to the girlfriend..
:: I cried. Thinking of the fustrating agony of being held up by ill-fate and unexpected obstacles in life..preventing one from getting to the one you really love so much. Why is it so that two people who are truly in love with each other, end up not destined to be together. Like Jay's Qing Tian.
There's this story about an 8 year old boy who desperately misses his career-minded mother who was hospitalised after diagnosed with stomach/cevics cancer. This enabled the son and mother to spend more time together. In the milst, the boy got to read and learn about their history from his mother's diaries. About how she brought the child up after the maternal father deserted them after her refusal to have the baby aborted. Towards the end, the condition of the cancer got worse. The helpless boy cried and plead outside the hospital, in the rain. Repeating how he will be a good and behaved boy if the mother wouldn't die.
:: This reminded me of the desperation of how i prayed. Thinking of all the impossibly foolish and possibilities which i could trade with God or Destiny, to get my late-mummy's life back.
Erm.. i shall take about this in other entries (?)
Next was a long-termed relationship between a guy who cannot find a job and a long-suffering woman who is beginning too tired of their relationship. The guy went against all odds, to look up and protect the woman he loved. End up, the guy found a job as a messenger for people who find it difficult to break up with their partners personally. In the end, this poor guy's client turned out to be the girlfriend who wanted to break up with him, stating a reason that she has already found a new love. There's this scene he was standing outside the supermarket store the girlfriend was working in. Him looking at his reflection on the glass window and saying what he normally delievered for his on-line clients, in tears.
:: A heartbreaking part of Love is the parting and letting go in the end of a relationship. It's about giving up the one you have been holding on too in your heart for so long. Giving up the one which your heart has been alive and beating on for. It's about forgetting the thought for patch-back, and letting your heart understand the true meaning of letting go, so that your love can find their happiness. It's about forgetting your selfishness. So as to give your sincere blissing to your love and their new-found companion.
Last is the situation about a deaf girl (the younger sister of the firefighter's girlfriend) falling in love with a handsome painter, dreaming of a perfect love. Yet kept apart due to a terrible burn on her left cheek.
:: I weeped. Remembering how my lastest relationship failed due to my shortcomings which lead to the ultimate reason of diffierences in interest. Sigh. If true love isn't about looks; about seeing the other party's imperfection as perfection... why do such heart-shattering failure befall relationships in which people really put alot of efforts and hardwork in it?...
Love really comes in many forms. I'm really tired. Why love ends and begins.. allowing space for despair, heartaches which last what seemes forever.
HEy!
I have a blog before..however sadly, i couldn't find and figure out my former passwards and username. (sobz)
Well, it's alrite. I've decided to start a new blog account. Hopefully this wil stay thru'out for a period.
Today's 14th. The very four months ago, i was spending this very special Valentine's Day with an overly special someone i've only known for a month ago. Really unfortunately, this relationship, like that mentioned in Jay Chou's song titled Long Juan Feng, ended as fast and easily as it'd started.
Sigh.~
Early morning i went for a light jog in the nearby Bishan Park (the one with the fishing pond), of around 3km. Soon after, i met my "bro" for a swim at Bishan Swimming Complex. hehe
what an achievement! I swam around 5-6 laps in free style. For all i can say, it's commendable for an ameature swimmer like me. (oops, sumimasen. I can run better than swim)
Though sun-tanning wasn't really that as desirable. Bro and i brunched at J8's food court. After that just walk around. Went into two VCD stores in anticipation of the release of Underworld : Evolution and Ice Age 2. However, end up only with disappointment.
Reached back home around 1400+ near 1500 hrs. I decided to watch the new vcds i've bought yesturday when i was out job-hunting with my close friend, Clara.
I watched "A season for Love". A korean film chronicies4 pairs of characters. About how they deal with love, loss and life in romantic, loosely interconnected stories. There's this lover. About how this 30 year old fire-fighter wanting to proposed to his lover but lost his ring at the fire station. Due to this, he delayed his proposal..unable to give his lover the assurance (who was waiting for the proposal and worrying about losing him due to the dangerous job). By the time things turned out right and he found the ring, he didn't get the chance to propose to his lover at the dinning resturant (the place where the girlfriend had always wanted to be proposed at). He died in a mission to save hostage in a burning warehouse. He did left a box (with the ring in it) and a video from the fire-scene..sign-languaging "I love you" to the girlfriend..
:: I cried. Thinking of the fustrating agony of being held up by ill-fate and unexpected obstacles in life..preventing one from getting to the one you really love so much. Why is it so that two people who are truly in love with each other, end up not destined to be together. Like Jay's Qing Tian.
There's this story about an 8 year old boy who desperately misses his career-minded mother who was hospitalised after diagnosed with stomach/cevics cancer. This enabled the son and mother to spend more time together. In the milst, the boy got to read and learn about their history from his mother's diaries. About how she brought the child up after the maternal father deserted them after her refusal to have the baby aborted. Towards the end, the condition of the cancer got worse. The helpless boy cried and plead outside the hospital, in the rain. Repeating how he will be a good and behaved boy if the mother wouldn't die.
:: This reminded me of the desperation of how i prayed. Thinking of all the impossibly foolish and possibilities which i could trade with God or Destiny, to get my late-mummy's life back.
Erm.. i shall take about this in other entries (?)
Next was a long-termed relationship between a guy who cannot find a job and a long-suffering woman who is beginning too tired of their relationship. The guy went against all odds, to look up and protect the woman he loved. End up, the guy found a job as a messenger for people who find it difficult to break up with their partners personally. In the end, this poor guy's client turned out to be the girlfriend who wanted to break up with him, stating a reason that she has already found a new love. There's this scene he was standing outside the supermarket store the girlfriend was working in. Him looking at his reflection on the glass window and saying what he normally delievered for his on-line clients, in tears.
:: A heartbreaking part of Love is the parting and letting go in the end of a relationship. It's about giving up the one you have been holding on too in your heart for so long. Giving up the one which your heart has been alive and beating on for. It's about forgetting the thought for patch-back, and letting your heart understand the true meaning of letting go, so that your love can find their happiness. It's about forgetting your selfishness. So as to give your sincere blissing to your love and their new-found companion.
Last is the situation about a deaf girl (the younger sister of the firefighter's girlfriend) falling in love with a handsome painter, dreaming of a perfect love. Yet kept apart due to a terrible burn on her left cheek.
:: I weeped. Remembering how my lastest relationship failed due to my shortcomings which lead to the ultimate reason of diffierences in interest. Sigh. If true love isn't about looks; about seeing the other party's imperfection as perfection... why do such heart-shattering failure befall relationships in which people really put alot of efforts and hardwork in it?...
Love really comes in many forms. I'm really tired. Why love ends and begins.. allowing space for despair, heartaches which last what seemes forever.
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