De one with Class reunion'06 (color-coded edition)

Sunny

The day didn't start off very good. Early morning i did a very unforgivable thing. I was pretty rude to my granny, who was asking me alot of questions (because i was damn pissed with not being able to contact my dad at home, to inform him of the new timing about our meeting at Ang Mo Kio Centre). Sorry, ah-ma. I really didn't mean to be so rude towards you. I never say it out but in my heart and mind. I understand and appreciate your genuine, affectious care and concern over us, beyond words to describe.

I was super pissed with my daddy. Early morning didn't know where he's gone. I arrived, as agreed between my cousin Jasmine and me, at 1030 am. Only to have to wait for my daddy, who only rushed to AMK to meet us from ah-ma's house. Super dupper pissed because all along, i've been asking him to carry a hp. Reason being, it will be convinent to call and contact him since he always goes MIA. Sigh. I was cursing and swearing throughtout my wait at the bus-stop in front of Jubilee.

We went to the former "BK building". In hope for an available chance to see the lawyer at HOH law firm, to settle the letter of administration for my late-mother's assets. The only available and most convinent time for us (Daddy's and Jasmine's working mah) was during weekends. Sadly, the law firm doesn't offer any booking of appoinment over weekends. So we had to go down personally to try by luck. In the end, we didn't manage to get a slot because all were already occupied by other "walk-in" clients. Well, fixed a date where both Daddy and Jasmine were able to take leave, specially during a Friday. So irritating and annoyed. What a wasted trip!

We then lunched at Crystal Jade Resturant at J8. Had the normal dim sum and noodles. Sigh..the variety of dim sum were so limited. Omg.

The next bad thing occurred after having returned to granny's place. I was changing my newly peirced earring (3 days ago). So super dupper unlucky that i couldn't find the ear-hole. Sigh.. tried damn super long, end up my ear hole lao zup! Omg. I was in so much distress until Jasmine has to come help me. End up, using the initial earring, i think i re-peirced, creating another hole, off-side from the original position at the back of my ear. Sigh!
Vanity really comes with a dreadful price of pain!!

Went jogging. My 3rd consecutive day of jogging. Sigh..what to do...getting fat!
I was disappointed because i feel that i'm unable to complete the distance i've planned. Guess i'm really losing alot of stamina. Running shorter and shorter distance per run.

The greatest unpleasant event of the day was the finale Class reunion at Marina Square Seoul Garden. First thing, i was super late. Meet initially at 6pm. End up arriving only at 7pm. Omg.
Second, i was super bored when everyone elses are talking and catching up with one another. Talking about local uni admission, faculty fun-camps. Sigh.. all of which i have no participation in.
That's when the Mr. Lonely song starts to play in my head...

On my way home in the bus. I start to think. I even messaged Clara. I realise whatever -A- said about me were true. Matter of fact is i'm a very anti-social person. Who doesn't like to talk, share conversation. I'm so "pathetic" until i'm able to make others feel they are unable to strike any conversation with me. End up, i just sit there and "stone".

That's why, this will forever be the distance between -A- & me, which makes it impossible for us to be lovers.

(Sobs)

Worst is, i know where the problem lies within me. Yet, all i do is whine, complain and sigh over it. Reluctant to do anything about it.

-A- said before.. "You make urself look bad in front of others. Not me."

It's all true...

What a big farking Loser Jason is... I hate myself (jtshin~ban)...
:'<

De one with "I still miss you"

3/4 of rain, 1/4 of me

Today's just another day for me. Waking up in the morning, giving some thoughts to that special someone i've been missing. Despite it's already been 2 mths plus since our final parting.

The morning wet weather was a spolit to my initial plan of going for jog and hopeful, leisure swim and suntanning. Instead, i stayed indoors. Having my hair dyed DIY. End product? looks oki. Stunning red hair! Kinda pleased by it. Disappointingl, i was thinking that maybe it'd been better if i had more sun-kissed skin tone to match my reddish hair. Well, make do with it lor.

Afternoon went how to tidy up my house with mama (my aunt). There were so much to clear. In the milst, i came across this photo of my late-mum, in her early 20s. She look kinda pretty. Well, that's not the part about it. More significantly, it's bringing tears and memories of her gone.

Oki.. (phew..)
Came back to granny's house around 3pm. Went jogging straight away (getting fat liao). After that rushed down Plaza Singapura to meet my super-good-friend, Edwin. I was super late. Omg. Oops. Sorry.

We dined at the Glass House since poor Edwin has never been to Fish n Co before. Under the recommendation from his friend, he ordered the Swordfish with rice. I had my favourite Fish n Chips. Hmm...he couldn't finish the large serving (2 enormous slice of swordfish!), to be dripped into a sauce which i thought tasted like Thai Chili Oil. But Edwin said there's mango sauce in it.
The swordfish tasted like those fried flat-fish my granny used to cook... salty and fishy. Hehe.
Of course! No match for my Fish n Chips!

Omg. It was damn filling. Sigh.. there goes all my jogging effort in the evening. :'(

After that, we went to watch the 93.3FM 6th Gold Music Awards mini-billboard performance. It stages a segment of all the final 6 terms from Superband (nothing much) and 8 singers, comprising of local singers like Tsui Chun Jia, Kelly Poon, Hong Jun Yang and overseas artistes like Fan, He Yao Sun, Guang Liang, Tank... Ok la.. but unfortunately, it's damn cramped, thereby causing everybody to perspire like crazy. Didn't really concentrate none was I "enthu" over this event. Was just being a super good friend, accoying Edwin since he wanted to watch his favourite Superband live.

Was on my way home when the heart ache releapsed again. Have you ever felt so hurt that your heart feels as if it's bleeding? or it feels as if your whole heart is drenched with tears which just can't flow down ur cheeks? It hurts so much that you wish you're better off dead. It hurts so much you feel so empty in your heart.

Only the sole misery... Desperate desire... Ultimate screaming loneliness... Unexplainable quiet frustration... Frail hope...

Sometimes memories will rush in... triggered by what you saw, listened, smelled, touched..
Sweet memories which will make you feel nostalgic about...
Regretful memories which will burns your cheeks...
Sad memories which will cause you to weep...

I also thought... i'm freaked out.. that i'm aging. I really don't want to be older and realised i don't have someone who loves and be loved by me.

Unknowingly, the feeling of loss sips into the mind. Intrigating a undeniable confused state of mind... a question that's beyond any possible solution. I hate this. I really do.