De one with Going Back and Forth into Closet

My Johnny Swarovski's finally good to come home

I nearly quit today. Wild thoughts riding with my abyss of emotions whirled inside my head like a complex cluster and series of roller-coasters in commencement: There was one which raise my brow whether I should just type a resignation letter, print and submit everything on the spot in office; Another appeared like a shooting star, glittering caution about getting a job before tendering; Like an interruption from a "satellite" brainwaves away, another howled I ought to proceed a job-hunt; A leaf of thought fluttered consideration whether I ought to discuss how I feel with someone; A breeze delivered wisdom of financial needs to keep up my higher-than-average lifestyle expenses; Out of nowhere, a sprinkle of prompting worries how I'd have to go through with the "break the news" part; and in the end, I backpedal. Perhaps I got hold of myself and imprisoned all these nonsenses, like plastering clay to mend a water-crack of a broken ceramic water vase.

* picture in courtesy of Meaningful Distraction.blog

Trust me, 10 decibel of concentration and a nervous breakdown would have occurred. Thank goodness my gift to calm myself down proved its capability. I shut off those horrible thoughts, calmed myself down and just as I knew the remedy would come, I had a chat with my manager and everything's green again. Another cock-up day due to my carelessness in work i must say. Something which came crawling back after nearly 6 months ago.

But it was ok now. But I can't deny I was really incompetent. And I hate this cause knowing so only made me feel so small which diminishes my pride in existence.

In fact, that drowned the joys from completing most of my portfolio. Seriously I have the slightest ideal how I was struggling, losing track a month ago and at present, I actually sit around office without much stress, feeling clean and light. But I guess there must be a balance of good and bad moments. Which could have consolingly decipher the undesirabliness this afternoon.

"Oh there is a time for everything", I left work early and found my feet bringing me to Ikea. I just needed to get this new bedsheets which I saw at Ikea Tampines last weekendLook at this, they actualy have this warehouse scene (something I thought I would only get to see in Australia or client's place)

when I accompanied A to the petfarm and subsequently, stopping ourselves at Ikea. It was a navy blue which scarce flora in yellow print. Something different from the existing black and white spiral, colourful Trojan horse prints, and cream coloured sheep design.

But oh well, I got two instead of one cause I couldn't make up my mind if there blue and yellow was the right one when I developed a spontaneous liking for the pleasant-to-the-eyes and sweet light blue and white sheets for my quilt. Darn it.

Oh my way home, Swarovski called. It certainly brought a happy finale to the evening as the final piece of my precious is coming home, after 3 weeks of servicing (the wire-whip of cowboy Kris bear, Johnny, was detached from the cystal-arm during the shipment from my seller in Netherlands). *Sigh of relieve*, my glamourous and heart-melting collection of 17 Swarovski Kris bears are ultimately complete.

It only prove one thing, "Good things comes least expected"

By night, James texted me about going zoo this Sunday. Wuao. Another good thing coz another jerky-friend cancelled on me past weekend. Nothing confirmed but ya, it feel nice to be "acknowledged" of my wishes.

I continued reading Mitch Albom's latest book, Have a Little Faith. At the same time, I was watching Brothers & Sisters (Mohan, you are right, it is a terrific show). And I sort of figured myself. I was always complaining about things I could do and want, but all along, I've been throwing myself into procastination. As much as I felt relieved that I was closer to the truth, as though toothpicking some vegetable stuck in between the teeth, couldn't help but teared when the actualisation of how much good things I have missed and oversight from my past.

I knew for sure what I want and how I should do getting what I want. For example, I wanna be sociable, I can. I have the skills and I have been withdrawing myself because I was afraid of the tiring part of getting to know each other again. You know, the process of knowing a new person. Getting over your territorial self and letting others in.

I dialled Jer up and kinda told him what happened on Saturday when we were supposed to meet up for late movie which was never put into action. I felt I owe him an explanation because it is unfair to have the other person getting angry and trying to guess or make out the situation. I've been there, like how Clara would express, "been there, done that" (though I'm not trying to mean it in an arrogant manner), I pretty much didn't want others to go through these unpleasantness.

I guess so much for a Buddhist teaching which is true - "the greatest battle is that against yourself". Wait, was that even Buddhism? Ha, pardon me if I am wrong, I'm not religious, though I respect them for what they are. Well, I suppose being answerable to myself is a key to making my life content. Of course, life's never contentful enough. There exist a limitness universe of wants and needs unattained, as what economist, Karl Max said. Enough is never enough. We keep moving forward for more once we are passed previous levels of satisfaction.

"Aint no mountain high enough", yes! I'm gonna sing it like Whoopie Goldberg. For what's worth, I am finally feeling I'm figuring a tiny bit of me. Like what And advised.

Just to sidetrack, ever notice what goes around at your house? I stepped out to the kitchen, feeling lethargic and abit moody until I came upon this floor mat which was unexpectedly adoringly-amusing. Awww.. just look at that.

Couldn't believe it's been in existence for months and only made its discovery until today! And I thought I only got to see this entertaining sight on Sunday mornings, 8:30 am show! Oh. my. gurd.