Winds in Hot sun
Today was a really slow day. Met Sweet for dinner today. Travelled all the way to Westmall to have dinner. However, the valuable 2 hrs meeting end up turning into a disaster. I was being really worried. Sweet just keeps misinterpreting. Me on the other hand, being un-understandable, eccentric and negative. Thus, pissing Sweet off.
Most of the time, I feel very caught up of what's best to be done. It leads to a disappointing outcome. Sweet advised me not to be stressed. If i don't change myself considerably, how to fulfill all that's required or demanded of me as a bf? If I'd just be myself, I'll be all quiet and introvert. I really feel very strangled. I'm striving my best but most the time, the odds are too overwhelming.
Everytime this undesirable and unexpected situation or outcome arises, I try my best to coax Sweet, try to make things back the loving way as before but sometimes, I just feel so lost.. no answers pops in my mind... as though all my determination and comfort skills are drained out. Sometimes, I really feel like a slave-of-love to Sweet. But seeing Sweet, being with Sweet just melts me down, telling me it's all worthwhile.
I treasure this relationship alot. Rather, my full willingness and unconditional have proven myself to make me love this person wholehearted. Definately, this is not enough or helpful because i'm unable to make Sweet feel this way. There are still events and adversities which I can't control. However, I still pledge my love, cross thy heart..and gurantee I'll ensure something thou have thy love for eternal.
I must mention too.. I'm really apologetic.. I get too stressed easily..like what Sweet said, it only prevents me from performing. And I'm too pessismistic. Resulting in causing Sweet to feel insecure. How foolish I am. Well..i must change.. just give me time please?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
De one with Relationship
Windy and sunny
After a 3hr lecture at campus and I was on the bus which takes me home. I suddenly come to realise more about what Vance told me before. That couples should do things which benefits the relationship, rather than for their individual selves.
Sweet was messaging me, proposing to make some changes in Sweet's life. Well, my natural reaction was being to feel inferior. That if Sweet underwent the changes, Sweet would become more attractive and that Sweet might just realise one day that I'm not good enough and might end up leaving me. That arouses my inferiority. Of course, I think about it. Partly, it's because I wanna stop all these "break-up" prophecy which is a form of pessismism (gets Sweet on the nerves). So I replied Sweet: "well, if it doesn't change much of you then go ahead".
In less than a minute after I replied, it occur to me to review what I've sent.
I did what I do best, focus, listen and think in an unprejudice, open-mind way. I came to realise I was being very selfish. And unsupportive towards Sweet. Simply because I'm afraid of losing Sweet, i've created a sort of restriction which might made Sweet happier and being able to achieve something.
I sent another message to Sweet : "nah, if it doesn't jeopardise anything, i should and i will support you in whatever you wish to do". In hope that it's strong enough to encourage Sweet. I did this because I want the greater good for the relationship which we share. Being supportive and encouraging are little ways to maintain a relationship. So it will last forever.
It's about putting aside what we want for ourselves or how and what we decided for our partners to be, and considering the benefits for the relationship itself which will eventually, most of the time, make both parties happy.
Of course, this is not the only way to make a successful relationship. There are other factors like compromises and sacrifices to make a wonderful relationship. Even though, definately this has a percentage which MAY contribute to a long-term lovely relationship. (Omg! Why are I writing in academic style!?! It's my blog! It's supposed to be MY PERSPECTIVE!) hehe
After a 3hr lecture at campus and I was on the bus which takes me home. I suddenly come to realise more about what Vance told me before. That couples should do things which benefits the relationship, rather than for their individual selves.
Sweet was messaging me, proposing to make some changes in Sweet's life. Well, my natural reaction was being to feel inferior. That if Sweet underwent the changes, Sweet would become more attractive and that Sweet might just realise one day that I'm not good enough and might end up leaving me. That arouses my inferiority. Of course, I think about it. Partly, it's because I wanna stop all these "break-up" prophecy which is a form of pessismism (gets Sweet on the nerves). So I replied Sweet: "well, if it doesn't change much of you then go ahead".
In less than a minute after I replied, it occur to me to review what I've sent.
I did what I do best, focus, listen and think in an unprejudice, open-mind way. I came to realise I was being very selfish. And unsupportive towards Sweet. Simply because I'm afraid of losing Sweet, i've created a sort of restriction which might made Sweet happier and being able to achieve something.
I sent another message to Sweet : "nah, if it doesn't jeopardise anything, i should and i will support you in whatever you wish to do". In hope that it's strong enough to encourage Sweet. I did this because I want the greater good for the relationship which we share. Being supportive and encouraging are little ways to maintain a relationship. So it will last forever.
It's about putting aside what we want for ourselves or how and what we decided for our partners to be, and considering the benefits for the relationship itself which will eventually, most of the time, make both parties happy.
Of course, this is not the only way to make a successful relationship. There are other factors like compromises and sacrifices to make a wonderful relationship. Even though, definately this has a percentage which MAY contribute to a long-term lovely relationship. (Omg! Why are I writing in academic style!?! It's my blog! It's supposed to be MY PERSPECTIVE!) hehe
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