De one with Silent Overflowing

Haze away-ed

Today... my heart leaked... It's overflowing...

It's as though.. no.. it is what I've accumulated in my heart... I start to feel small, embraced by coldness from inside out.

Early morning, I went to Toa Payoh Library because the one I frequent is operating "near full-capacity". However, it's alright. What wasn't alright was when I started revising my accounting after completed with 4 chapters of MKTG.

As I did my trend and vertical analysis on a financial report, flashback of my late-mother, surfaced impressionally in my mind. The emo-system functioned again as I control the tears gathering my flooded eyes. I recalled the nights when I witnessed her, pressing the calculator efficiently, penciling down the results and focusing on the accounts in front of her.. Like how and what I'm doing now..

It feels as if I'm in her position back then.. doing the same chore, spare differentiated timing.

It was then I realised how much I needed her but loneliness is the only one accompanying me.
I didn't eat ice-cream or chocolate (although I drank milo), get myself drunk nor tell anyone about it..

Since young, I've used to feel inferior and keep matters, good or bad in my heart. Well.. looks like my heart has got an enormous capacity.. until now.. repercussions are revealing..

Perhaps it's really selfish of me. I've been hoping someone to replace the emptiness, supposedly filled by my mummy. Silly. Yes, nobody is replacable of that place in my heart. I just needed comfort and embrace.

The "love is" person? nah.. I said I didn't want to tell anybody. I just feel it's better to blog it down. Like Vance and Andrew have advised me. Like how I used to be during JC, all the way back to 5 years old...

:')