De one with Feeling Better

Ok, not really better, maybe just a little

I couldn't take it anymore. Went downstairs to the SPC kiosk to get a Magnum Vanilla. Cost me $3.90. Guess it was worth it coz the rich chocolate coating improved my mood to "green" scale.

Speaking of dinner, yesterday's dinner was different. We had Teochew Muiy (Teochew Porridge). Did some improvision for the dishes since we couldn't make up our mind for dinner when Mama (my aunt) asked before she left for her marketing in the morning.

As you can see, (clockwise, starting from bottom right), there's my bowl of porridge, white-celery, fish & chicken from Long John Silver, the bacon-hotdogs were Jasmine's, there's Jasmine's requested chow-sum-xu, lunceon meat (its pork, I dun like this) and on top there's salt eggs (yucks). I requested for scrumble eggs (which is obviously not in this picture), something I must have when I eat porridge. Dinner was ok.. different from the one I had at my office nearby stall which sold more "qing dan" (bland) teochew muiy.

Since I am eating at home. I didn't have to respect tradition. Did away with pepper but I bought this to add some salty taste to my meal.

De one with Mr Grumpy

"Leave me alone" day

Who says Accountants ain't fun? Who says Auditors are a bunch of people to be feared about? Why eh, is it because accounting's always based on historical events? So are the facts which lawyers, forensic scientists, policemen, archeologists are basing on to carry on with their job. I mean an event has to occur before it becomes facts and subsequent info to be exacted, derived from such facts to prove useful for us in our decision making. Life's full of decision making: Judges based on this prior committing someone liable for a crime, our annual reports has to be true and fair for investors else they'd definitely be worst than the broke Lehman Brothers' share-holders.

What's wrong with me? I seriously don't know. Probably the period of the month? Great..now that I mentioned that, alot of ladies out there must be offended by me.

I awfully need a break. I need a pat on my shoulder which has become so tensed up, the heart's tied up in complicated knots, with all the arteries glutted with emptiness. My mental's weary and worn out. Pessimistism, frustration cloud overhead. I bet if you x-ray me, you'd easily spot a black-hole in my heart, just 0.7cm from the center of my heart.

All of a sudden, I felt so imprisoned from anybody. More specifically as though a mobile phone without any signal for connectivity. That's how bad I am. It can get as worse as a drought-sickened little boy who's dehydrated and his condition nearing the brim of unconsciousness. With every faint heartbeat, every functioning brain cells in him desperately yearning and praying for rain to fall from the sky.

"Hand me the world on a silver platter and what good would it be.
With no one who shares, no one who truly cares for me"

- Alicia Keys, If I Ain't Got You

Where are my chocolates? Din't buy any. Every night I just lie on my bed, with my silent handphone on my side, listen to angel Jason whispering "tomorrow would be better" into my right ear, devil Jason pops out at my left ear, rebut sarcastically "ya, continue lying to yourself". What would I do? Bury myself in my pillow and weep.

Sometimes it appears to me, really screw up life I'm leading man.. and what? No handyman even pass me a spanner, not even Popeye is willing to offer me a can of spinach for me to get stronger for the moment. Anyway, I hate spinach. Prefer broccoli.

I heard news my ahma was overjoyed when her true grandson (my Mummy's elder brother's son) went to visit her with his girlfriend. Hai.. what's compared to my visit 3 days and that day when I was dizzy and still went to see her. Hai. Reminded I don't have a loved one. Makes me doubt if anybody cares about me.

As the years pass, I couldn't help but witness the family members at home become less and lesser. It's as though the divine has used his eraser and removed the family figures of the my family tree. What? Did I guess correctly? He's calling them to his Home Garden (reckoned with global warming) due to shortage of deaths because of advanced medical science which have prolonged life? My family because I'm Jason which means Healer? Pls.. that's just ridculous!

Remember we were thought to summarise in school. I hate that because I didn't master until I grew up. In short, this blog is Mr nice boy turning grumpy, growling if anyone cares for me.

"Trying hard to reach out, but when I try to speak out, felt like no one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here, but something felt so wrong here.
So I pray, I could breakaway"

- Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway