De one with You Being like this makes Me Downhearted [Emolings]

A plant deprived of water

Downhearted: [adj.] in low spirits
* blue, dejected, depressed, despondent, dispirited, gloomy, glum, miserable, sad,
unhappy.

Disclaimer: I'm voicing out only. After which I would forget about what's been troubling me...

Somehow or rather, I feel you've started to give up. Yes, you did confess and keep telling how much you have affects for me. However, i just feel something's wrong which bothers me because I care too much for this relationship.

1: It's like my preseence beside you doesn't matter anymore. Like what occured at MPH.

:: It's really different from the previous whenever I just disappear from you for a few seconds, you will get so worried until your heart nearly skipped. Even for normal friends, as a manner of social politeness, we will look for our companions and be around them. To me, it's an act of mutual respect. In between lovers, a form of affectionate concern and the message of "I wanna be with you always because you're so indispensible to me".

2: You said you're tired of all these "games" in a relationship and your "Do as you want" attitude which followed.

:: Firstly, from that, I keep feeling one message you're implying. You're getting tired of this relationship. So much so that you only recongise the comparision between me and your previous encounters with your exes. It's like all these are discrediting all that you've said that i matter so much to you. It's causing me to be so loss.

3: Your attitude have really changed alot to less loving. You even asked me to re-consider whether you're the right person for me.

:: This only tell me you are implying for a "letting go" situation. It really affects me so much I didn't manage to sleep but weep the whole night. You keep saying certain stages have to be changed while we move on. However, I feel it's like mathematics or simple language. You need to substain the fundermentals as you progess to higher levels.

4: You said you're like this. You have different ways of showing your affections.

:: I do appreciate you trying hard. Especially the ways you express your passions verbally and intiative ways. However, recently I'm lossing the trance of actions from you. It's like even I leave a gap between us, you won't close it up like how you always do. Sigh. You are beginning to make it obvious that I'm not special enough to make you change and compromise for me, your bf.

I do admit, I'm imperfect. One of which is my inability to express myself out and make alot of noise like an empty vessel. I have tried depicting and illustrating my genuine love for you by torlerating, be sensitive and in my bolding actions and buying things for you to make you happy. I just need you to be back the same old sweet, funny and loving Sweet.. it'd really habours assurance, above everything, to make feel secure and on-going for this love that both of us share.

Please don' bring everything up to me. Neither should you misinterpret whatever I typed here to discredit whatever you've done. For example, when I said "more secure", it doesn't mean previously I still do not feel secure. I just want to feel more comfortably secured.

Full-stop.

De one with a Dull Tuesday

Moody Day

Today I really feel very moody, I feel as if i'm drenched in despire. Nothing uplifting. Nothing evident of happiness. Woke up early as 0715am. Planned to go for a light jog. Unfortunately, I was really down emotionally and low spirited. So much so I forego the jog and did a compensation set of 50 bench-press, 50 sit-ups and a few half-squats.

For the entire day, I didn't know what I was doing. Everything seems so slow, meaningless and senseless to a certain extent. It resulted in me dressing shabby today. Wore a white Ripcurl Tee-shirt, a greyish blue OP boardshorts, dark chocolate brown Quiksilver slippers and a black folder to school.

Marketing lecture almost made me slept today. Talking a whole chuck on "Product", substantiated with video clip about VolksWagen cars.

My heart sunk when Sweet wasn't really free to meet me today. Well.. perhaps I'm still affected by what occurred yesterday night.

Sigh. I spent money at Thompson Plaza. Bought four folders for my modules' notes: Green for ACCT2060, Grey for MKTG1199, Orange for ECON1016, Blue for ISYS2059. Sigh. After purchase then I start to realise it's kinda childish for such a differentiation of colours for my folders when I'm a unistudent. But sigh..whatever... My environment puts me off today..really sick of those ugly people (with their inconsiderate actions and behaviour) around me.

Went home, planned to have bread (Ham and cheese bun and some CHOCOLATE twists which I bought from Four seasons bakery) for lunch over movie: The wild. However, halfway I lost my interest and went to label my folders. Next thing I knew, I dozed off.

I woke up after 2hrs of slumber before sorting out the different notes into the various folders. Went for a short 3.3 km run at Bishan Park. Really sian...very sian.. sian..sian..