Humid
Today's been a great day. Went jogging in the morning. Managed to complete 3 km after 4 days of rest and exam preparations.
Empty stomached, I went to the library. Just in time when I reached, the door opened for admission. Hehe..save my time waiting. By the way, I didn't gel my hair.. Kinda like the natural look of my curled hair.
Today I revised two chapters of MKTG: Marketing Channels and Retailers & Wholesalers. I'm proud to say, I'm left with 3 more chapters to go. I did Accounting, to get familiarised with it again. Managed to learn a few more things I didn't realised during my revision for the last two weeks. Delightful event of the day, I realised I'm starting to have the passion for Accounting!
I went home early to try my first attempt cooking Pineapple Rice! Well.. disappointly, Mama was at the hospital visiting Uncle. She didn't tell me she have brought the neccessary ingredients for the dish. In the end, I went out to Thompson Plaza to buy raisins, Cashew nuts, Coriander. Since I couldn't get the real corianders, I bought the grinded type. Practised some creativity today. Decided to add my favourite macademia nuts besides the traditional cshew nuts.
Phew... I realised marketing skills and accounting does help. hehe.. I realised whatever I studied was really relevant and appropriate in real life. Realised there are so many products available. Pick..let's say.. Peanut Butter spread. There are so many brands.. each offering at different target consumers. Low fat for the health conscious... additional flavours for the variety-seekers.. Well...although these are "Fast Moving Convenient Goods", marketers have spoiled the consumers with a wide variety, increasing consumer's time spent on evaluating before purchase.
I must admit, I've changed in my consumption behaviour. Usually, I just grab whatever I desired. Unlike present, I dedicate more time considering the availables, compare the nutrientional informations ("labelling") and then, prices.
Ok..back to the cooking. With the help of ah-ma (my granny), we managed to follow the instructions on this "seasoning package".
1: Cut everything into small bits.
2: Add 1-2 teaspoon of VEGEATABLE oil. (Healthier choice hehe)
3: Stir-fry the shallots, onions, prawns, chicken meat (improvised)
Ah-ma taught me, to sitr fry the shallots and onions first. Until it's "qiah" (in Hokkien meaning crispy) before adding the meat. Although the instructions told me to put the vegetables in the end, poured in the baby-corns (substitude for the mixed vegetables), all the nuts.
4: After which, put the rice and the seasoning.
5: Having stir-fired the dish for a few minutes, put in the pineapple cubes.
6: Sprinkle the corianders.
Wah-la! Yummy!!!
It's delicious lor!!! It's really tasty.. I ate 3 korean-bowls of rice today.
Of course, pineapple must have accompanying dished. I fried a scrambled egg and cooked this made-to-ready Blackpepper Chicken.
Ser-dup!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
De one with Wet Dreams
Hazier than yesterday
Wet dreams.. alot of people would let their imaginations run wild whenever this two words are mentioned. True enough for some, it's rather sensitive and embarrassing. Well, today''s topic is about wet dreams.. To those who are more open and biting their lower lips, read on... hehe omg.
"What?" would be the very first and crucial question to ask. Well.. I ain't gonna tell you what I dreamt about in my wet dreams. Haha.. Oops. However, of course it's gotta be obviously something that's coinciding with our deepest fantasies.
Personally, I didn't know the existence of "wet dream" until secondary 3 when I read about a chinese book (translated) The diary of a teenage boy. And of course, communication with my "filled with hormones" mate classmates! Well, *blushing* but hey, back than they only mention that we will have sexual dreams and the next morning, you'll wet your bed.
Hmmm.. vid idea. It didn't that me until I experienced it personally and confirmed as I grew older that "wet dream" was about having orgasm when you have exotic dreams. It's the cumming during subconscious state of mind. That's what's "wet dreams" all about.
I remember during army, my gunners keep asking me all these personal stuff during our out-field exercise. Part of so to know me better since I hardly talk much. Part of so, they enjoy making me embarrassed. I remembered this particular night, they were talking with this officer and he told them "You have wet dreams because you hardly masturbate".. Is it true?
What comes next is the response. Hearsay that some people wake up shortly after they cummed. True enough, most of us will feel shock. Then curiousity. After which embarrassment will follow. This is for the norm of cause. Least those who have knowledge of it previously. The feeling? Eeeekk.. I believe most of us will agree, it's uncomfortable and to a certain extent.. messy(?).
Of course, after adaptation, I can't really say for girls because I'm not one and I've never discuss this with any girls before. For guys, they just share the excitement. Did I? erm.. I didn't really but I did ask question to gain wisdom. haha.
Ooook.. that's enough for now. Whatever it is, just keep all this within this blog entry. Shhh! It's top secret! ;p
Wet dreams.. alot of people would let their imaginations run wild whenever this two words are mentioned. True enough for some, it's rather sensitive and embarrassing. Well, today''s topic is about wet dreams.. To those who are more open and biting their lower lips, read on... hehe omg.
"What?" would be the very first and crucial question to ask. Well.. I ain't gonna tell you what I dreamt about in my wet dreams. Haha.. Oops. However, of course it's gotta be obviously something that's coinciding with our deepest fantasies.
Personally, I didn't know the existence of "wet dream" until secondary 3 when I read about a chinese book (translated) The diary of a teenage boy. And of course, communication with my "filled with hormones" mate classmates! Well, *blushing* but hey, back than they only mention that we will have sexual dreams and the next morning, you'll wet your bed.
Hmmm.. vid idea. It didn't that me until I experienced it personally and confirmed as I grew older that "wet dream" was about having orgasm when you have exotic dreams. It's the cumming during subconscious state of mind. That's what's "wet dreams" all about.
I remember during army, my gunners keep asking me all these personal stuff during our out-field exercise. Part of so to know me better since I hardly talk much. Part of so, they enjoy making me embarrassed. I remembered this particular night, they were talking with this officer and he told them "You have wet dreams because you hardly masturbate".. Is it true?
What comes next is the response. Hearsay that some people wake up shortly after they cummed. True enough, most of us will feel shock. Then curiousity. After which embarrassment will follow. This is for the norm of cause. Least those who have knowledge of it previously. The feeling? Eeeekk.. I believe most of us will agree, it's uncomfortable and to a certain extent.. messy(?).
Of course, after adaptation, I can't really say for girls because I'm not one and I've never discuss this with any girls before. For guys, they just share the excitement. Did I? erm.. I didn't really but I did ask question to gain wisdom. haha.
Ooook.. that's enough for now. Whatever it is, just keep all this within this blog entry. Shhh! It's top secret! ;p
Friday, October 20, 2006
De one with Lake House
Hazy Friday
I've never felt as peaceful as the calm lake today...
Watched my favourite show "The Lake House" again on vcd. It's a true beauty.
The story is touching. The cast are terrific. The romance in it is wonderfully romantic.
Towards the end, i was near tearing. Oops..
Life is really unpredictable. There are ups and down. You might be holding on to something and the next moment, before you know it, it's gone... But then again.. nobody ends with nothing. A new life stage or chapter begin. And definately, it's better and better.
I know it. I'm experiencing it now.
;)
I've never felt as peaceful as the calm lake today...
Watched my favourite show "The Lake House" again on vcd. It's a true beauty.
The story is touching. The cast are terrific. The romance in it is wonderfully romantic.
Towards the end, i was near tearing. Oops..
Life is really unpredictable. There are ups and down. You might be holding on to something and the next moment, before you know it, it's gone... But then again.. nobody ends with nothing. A new life stage or chapter begin. And definately, it's better and better.
I know it. I'm experiencing it now.
;)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
De one with Thursday at Library
Hazy
Spent the whole day mugging at library today. Though I didn't do much. However, I managed to complete the last chapter for ACCT and 4 chapters for MKTG.
Ratio Analysis and Interpretation is a very tough chapter to deal with. Phew... finally settled it. Well though i've completed the chapters revision for ACCT, there are some patches here and there which I'm still not familiarised with.
For MKTG, I managed to revised the previous chapters all over again since it's been awhile back as I was concentrating on ACCT. Plus another chapter Buyers Process and Behaviour. Later still gotta study more chapters to be on schedule.
Evening time, I went up to Novena to have dinner at the Wokplace. A Thai-chinese restaurant which serves halal food at the same time. Mama, Jasmine and I ordered Pineapple rice, Hotplate Black pepper beef, Tom Yum soup and Baby Kailan. It was fairly good.
The bus trip back wasn't enjoyable. Everyone's tired. The crowded scene on the bus just makes things not any better.
Sigh. Exams preparation is tiring... but thank goodness, I have friends who keep messaging me to show their concern constantly. Thank you guys.
Spent the whole day mugging at library today. Though I didn't do much. However, I managed to complete the last chapter for ACCT and 4 chapters for MKTG.
Ratio Analysis and Interpretation is a very tough chapter to deal with. Phew... finally settled it. Well though i've completed the chapters revision for ACCT, there are some patches here and there which I'm still not familiarised with.
For MKTG, I managed to revised the previous chapters all over again since it's been awhile back as I was concentrating on ACCT. Plus another chapter Buyers Process and Behaviour. Later still gotta study more chapters to be on schedule.
Evening time, I went up to Novena to have dinner at the Wokplace. A Thai-chinese restaurant which serves halal food at the same time. Mama, Jasmine and I ordered Pineapple rice, Hotplate Black pepper beef, Tom Yum soup and Baby Kailan. It was fairly good.
The bus trip back wasn't enjoyable. Everyone's tired. The crowded scene on the bus just makes things not any better.
Sigh. Exams preparation is tiring... but thank goodness, I have friends who keep messaging me to show their concern constantly. Thank you guys.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
De one with 100th Entry
Hazy
It's been an tiring day. Thank goodness I'm back at home. Had a relaxed bath and smelling sweet again... sipping on my favourite aromatic, smoothing cool Green Tea with Gui Hwa.
This is my 100th entry! Well, by it's number, it means nothing. However, what's worth exclaiming about is this entry tells about the end of a part of a recent major life stage.
Today is the last lecture for my 1st semester of my course. Rightfully, it should have ended last week. However, our responsible Macroeconomics lecturer called for an extra lecture to complete the last remaining topic. There goes the $5+ k of tuition fee.
Well, I bet most would agree. When one faces the end, they will start reminiscing the beginning... Like most ending in TV drama or the conclusion of a GP essay, every end is compose with a flashback.
31 July was the day when I embark on my course in SIM officially. After a morning of briefing, course introduction and administration, and campus familiarisation, I experienced my first MKTG lecture with our sarcastic yet professional Australian lecturer.
The coordinator, Dr Con was very fast lecturer. There were no time to stop and take a breath. From his manner of teaching, one can sense his obviously pride. Displaying competence in his field of education, he never fails to mention tonnes of relevent and appropriate examples. One of which, Levi Strauss was his commonly mentioned.
In terms of speed, another competing and better Australian lecturer was our ACCT lecturer. Attending ACCT lectures make me felt as if I was onboard a bullet train. Information were taught like the fast-moving sceneries. He was a man of high expectations, superbly passionate and demanding of his students. Not a lecturer you would dare to slack because he's constantly on your neck and pushing you to achieve. He tours around the lecture hall when he teaches and always looking and staring into the eyes.
In life, all things balances. Thankfully, ECON and ISYS experiences with the Australian lecturers were alot slower.
ECON lecturer was very slow. Maybe abit too slow. And often, unclear in his speech as he mumbles. I always think he resembles my JC GP tutor, Mr Cherry Chacko. With a fair mix of Santa Clause (due to his rosy cheeks and his white beard). A funny part about him was that he's always talking in a mumbling manner (sounds like a lallaby after prolonged hearing), students oftenly advise him to speak with more force into the microphone which was already at maximum volume. I managed to detect his attributes. He loves to share economic articles from the newspapers, to provide us with insights and discussion. Just that well... his soft-spokeness shadows everything.
Alittle better would be the Australian lecturer for ISYS. Constantly definining himself as a computer geek. Well.. He don't really appear to be one. I do appreciate his efforts to make the class less boring, through his jokes occassionally. Unfortunately, most of the time, only he could understand and laugh at his own joke. Omg. I really pity him.
After 3 lectures with individual lecturers from Australia. I was pretty relieved to have Local lecturers whose teaching methods and manner of speech makes me feel more comfortable and closer-to-heart.
Let's start with MKTG lecturer, Mrs Patricia Chia. She displays feminism and competence in her field of experties. Always providing recognisable examples in local context which proved to be more understandable. I recalled on the first day of lecture with her when new lecture notes were distributed for own collection. She requested my help and end up with a deficit copy (with some pages missing). Oops!
One thing about Patricia was that she likes to conduct audience-participating tutorials discussion in class. She will walk around the lecture stalls and stop in front of anyone. The next thing she will do is press the collar microphone to you and not leave until you've whispered or vocalise your voice into the mic. It makes our heartbeat accelerating and our nerves racking!!
Next is Daniel Tan, our friendly and experienced ACCT local lecturer. Always making sure we understand the concepts in ACCT. He doesn't mind repeating. A very student-orientated lecturer. Always emphasised and prove with actions that he's an "educator" rather than a "teacher". What is amirable about Daniel is his friendliness and openess, always providing us with simplifying stories and own life experiences.
What a non-boring lecture filled with laughter and lively delights? Well, our ECON lecturer Mr Saminathan delivers it. He's reputable in handling the large lecture group's attention and noise level. What's unforgettable about this guy is his out-frankiness and use of comical yet appropriate and relevant examples. Well.. he's always late for lectures, most probably because he anticipated us to be late. Haha. Sometimes, my imagination grow wild. Because he's an Indian, the tamil slang make me feel as if a mama-shop uncle or a Blangadeshi worker is teaching me macroeconomics. Oops! ;)
Last but not least, our ISYS lecturer Dr Lawrence Sim. Mentioned in my past entries. He teaches us the concepts as though we were kindergarden kids. hehehe.. Anyway, computing lessons in lab were never boring because we keep ourselves occupied with the fascinating computer unit each of us have in front of us.
Today is a day where things are gone. Apart from my last lecture for this sem. Another thing was gone too, which I wouldn't want to mention much. There you have it. The 100th Entry of my blog.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
It's been an tiring day. Thank goodness I'm back at home. Had a relaxed bath and smelling sweet again... sipping on my favourite aromatic, smoothing cool Green Tea with Gui Hwa.
This is my 100th entry! Well, by it's number, it means nothing. However, what's worth exclaiming about is this entry tells about the end of a part of a recent major life stage.
Today is the last lecture for my 1st semester of my course. Rightfully, it should have ended last week. However, our responsible Macroeconomics lecturer called for an extra lecture to complete the last remaining topic. There goes the $5+ k of tuition fee.
Well, I bet most would agree. When one faces the end, they will start reminiscing the beginning... Like most ending in TV drama or the conclusion of a GP essay, every end is compose with a flashback.
31 July was the day when I embark on my course in SIM officially. After a morning of briefing, course introduction and administration, and campus familiarisation, I experienced my first MKTG lecture with our sarcastic yet professional Australian lecturer.
The coordinator, Dr Con was very fast lecturer. There were no time to stop and take a breath. From his manner of teaching, one can sense his obviously pride. Displaying competence in his field of education, he never fails to mention tonnes of relevent and appropriate examples. One of which, Levi Strauss was his commonly mentioned.
In terms of speed, another competing and better Australian lecturer was our ACCT lecturer. Attending ACCT lectures make me felt as if I was onboard a bullet train. Information were taught like the fast-moving sceneries. He was a man of high expectations, superbly passionate and demanding of his students. Not a lecturer you would dare to slack because he's constantly on your neck and pushing you to achieve. He tours around the lecture hall when he teaches and always looking and staring into the eyes.
In life, all things balances. Thankfully, ECON and ISYS experiences with the Australian lecturers were alot slower.
ECON lecturer was very slow. Maybe abit too slow. And often, unclear in his speech as he mumbles. I always think he resembles my JC GP tutor, Mr Cherry Chacko. With a fair mix of Santa Clause (due to his rosy cheeks and his white beard). A funny part about him was that he's always talking in a mumbling manner (sounds like a lallaby after prolonged hearing), students oftenly advise him to speak with more force into the microphone which was already at maximum volume. I managed to detect his attributes. He loves to share economic articles from the newspapers, to provide us with insights and discussion. Just that well... his soft-spokeness shadows everything.
Alittle better would be the Australian lecturer for ISYS. Constantly definining himself as a computer geek. Well.. He don't really appear to be one. I do appreciate his efforts to make the class less boring, through his jokes occassionally. Unfortunately, most of the time, only he could understand and laugh at his own joke. Omg. I really pity him.
After 3 lectures with individual lecturers from Australia. I was pretty relieved to have Local lecturers whose teaching methods and manner of speech makes me feel more comfortable and closer-to-heart.
Let's start with MKTG lecturer, Mrs Patricia Chia. She displays feminism and competence in her field of experties. Always providing recognisable examples in local context which proved to be more understandable. I recalled on the first day of lecture with her when new lecture notes were distributed for own collection. She requested my help and end up with a deficit copy (with some pages missing). Oops!
One thing about Patricia was that she likes to conduct audience-participating tutorials discussion in class. She will walk around the lecture stalls and stop in front of anyone. The next thing she will do is press the collar microphone to you and not leave until you've whispered or vocalise your voice into the mic. It makes our heartbeat accelerating and our nerves racking!!
Next is Daniel Tan, our friendly and experienced ACCT local lecturer. Always making sure we understand the concepts in ACCT. He doesn't mind repeating. A very student-orientated lecturer. Always emphasised and prove with actions that he's an "educator" rather than a "teacher". What is amirable about Daniel is his friendliness and openess, always providing us with simplifying stories and own life experiences.
What a non-boring lecture filled with laughter and lively delights? Well, our ECON lecturer Mr Saminathan delivers it. He's reputable in handling the large lecture group's attention and noise level. What's unforgettable about this guy is his out-frankiness and use of comical yet appropriate and relevant examples. Well.. he's always late for lectures, most probably because he anticipated us to be late. Haha. Sometimes, my imagination grow wild. Because he's an Indian, the tamil slang make me feel as if a mama-shop uncle or a Blangadeshi worker is teaching me macroeconomics. Oops! ;)
Last but not least, our ISYS lecturer Dr Lawrence Sim. Mentioned in my past entries. He teaches us the concepts as though we were kindergarden kids. hehehe.. Anyway, computing lessons in lab were never boring because we keep ourselves occupied with the fascinating computer unit each of us have in front of us.
Today is a day where things are gone. Apart from my last lecture for this sem. Another thing was gone too, which I wouldn't want to mention much. There you have it. The 100th Entry of my blog.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
De one with Amazing Race: AMK library
Hibernating in library from the haze
SPECIAL REPORT!! Amazing Race is here in Singapore again!!
All contestants from AMK distinct have to arrive at AMK community library by 10am today.
These contestants are all highly competitive, equipped with textbooks of their own, some with bags, files.. all with their desire to get into the library itself where the amazing race ends at this very destination!
Crazy introduction?! some migh just find it lame. Hehe.. anyway, it was worth blogging what happened this morning as it was my first time ever, having to queue up while waiting with crowd, all anxiously waiting to get into the library as if there was a sales at some shopping centre. Omg.
What's more surprising and puzzling was that today happened to be a weekday lor.. Never in my life have I witness such an occassion.. People actually queue up kiasu-ly to gain entry into such places? Omg.. I was wondering how worst the situation could get if it was on a week end.
Today was another fruitful day from 10 am to 6pm, mugging (Singlish:- Studying hard/cramping for examinations) the time at the cosy and conducive environment.
Oh! Before this, I went to NTUC (nearby mah) to get my current Fab "Heaven and Earth green tea with Gui Hwa"... It's an auromatic drink.. super savouring.. I realised this last day when I lunched with Zhen Ze and Guan Hui at Clementi on Monday. 100ml bottle for $1. Thus, I bought two to substain my mugging session for the day.
Managed to get the 2nd table. Initially it was shaking. Fortunately, I managed to position the table and wah-la! it became stable (hehe.. I sure have a way of fixing things~).. Well, another funny thing which occured was the person sitting next to me was an accounting student. What a mere coincedence! Yesterday, the person sitting next to me was an accounting student too! Omg!
Well, another thing worth mentioning was due to their pressence, I feel abit stressed unexplainably. Yesterday I felt, I wasn't good enough because we're seperated by benchmark. To be more precise, it's what we are more familiarised with.. a feeling called Inadequate.
Well, fortunately, thanks to Kelvin's console and life-experienced inspiring example, i got some used to it and hey..it really doesn't matter. It's actually psychotic. I managed to focus on my own bit of study. I'm sure I'll make a competent, compassionate and professional accountant! I managed to wrap up 3 chapters today. Namely Costing, Regulatory environment, Business Environment, Ethics and COrporate Governence.
Can't get enough of good news?! I'm proud to announce that I'm left with ONE more chapter to mug for my accounting!! *glamourous smile*
I also realised, the resultant of this was I'm lagging behind in my other modules. Oops! So must allocated more time on other modules! Hehe.. Managed to complete one Marketing chapter.
I had Subway (Yeah..I'm lovin' it) take away for dinner. Jasmine said she wanted it. End up, I only saw her sms, informing her cancellation of order because Mama cooked beef for her. After I bought Subway. Diao~ . ~ . ~ .
Never mind, at least I reached home and drank the Gui Hwa with Green tea, Mama bought for me today.
Really glad the amazing race at AMK library was worth the knowledge and wisdom gained. Fruitful day! :D
SPECIAL REPORT!! Amazing Race is here in Singapore again!!
All contestants from AMK distinct have to arrive at AMK community library by 10am today.
These contestants are all highly competitive, equipped with textbooks of their own, some with bags, files.. all with their desire to get into the library itself where the amazing race ends at this very destination!
Crazy introduction?! some migh just find it lame. Hehe.. anyway, it was worth blogging what happened this morning as it was my first time ever, having to queue up while waiting with crowd, all anxiously waiting to get into the library as if there was a sales at some shopping centre. Omg.
What's more surprising and puzzling was that today happened to be a weekday lor.. Never in my life have I witness such an occassion.. People actually queue up kiasu-ly to gain entry into such places? Omg.. I was wondering how worst the situation could get if it was on a week end.
Today was another fruitful day from 10 am to 6pm, mugging (Singlish:- Studying hard/cramping for examinations) the time at the cosy and conducive environment.
Oh! Before this, I went to NTUC (nearby mah) to get my current Fab "Heaven and Earth green tea with Gui Hwa"... It's an auromatic drink.. super savouring.. I realised this last day when I lunched with Zhen Ze and Guan Hui at Clementi on Monday. 100ml bottle for $1. Thus, I bought two to substain my mugging session for the day.
Managed to get the 2nd table. Initially it was shaking. Fortunately, I managed to position the table and wah-la! it became stable (hehe.. I sure have a way of fixing things~).. Well, another funny thing which occured was the person sitting next to me was an accounting student. What a mere coincedence! Yesterday, the person sitting next to me was an accounting student too! Omg!
Well, another thing worth mentioning was due to their pressence, I feel abit stressed unexplainably. Yesterday I felt, I wasn't good enough because we're seperated by benchmark. To be more precise, it's what we are more familiarised with.. a feeling called Inadequate.
Well, fortunately, thanks to Kelvin's console and life-experienced inspiring example, i got some used to it and hey..it really doesn't matter. It's actually psychotic. I managed to focus on my own bit of study. I'm sure I'll make a competent, compassionate and professional accountant! I managed to wrap up 3 chapters today. Namely Costing, Regulatory environment, Business Environment, Ethics and COrporate Governence.
Can't get enough of good news?! I'm proud to announce that I'm left with ONE more chapter to mug for my accounting!! *glamourous smile*
I also realised, the resultant of this was I'm lagging behind in my other modules. Oops! So must allocated more time on other modules! Hehe.. Managed to complete one Marketing chapter.
I had Subway (Yeah..I'm lovin' it) take away for dinner. Jasmine said she wanted it. End up, I only saw her sms, informing her cancellation of order because Mama cooked beef for her. After I bought Subway. Diao~ . ~ . ~ .
Never mind, at least I reached home and drank the Gui Hwa with Green tea, Mama bought for me today.
Really glad the amazing race at AMK library was worth the knowledge and wisdom gained. Fruitful day! :D
Sunday, October 15, 2006
De one with Sunday with Akeelah & the Bee
Hazy and warm day
Early morning, woke up around 9am and dragged myself for morning jog. Surprises just keeps appearing this week. Guess who did I see at Bishan Park? my secondary school mates, playing soccer. Well, I just wanted to concentrate on my jogging, so i didn't approach them. Hehe.
Well, it was a rather refreshing jog along Marymount Rd all the way up to Bishan Fire Station before making a U-turn down along Thompson Rd, cut into the Car Industrial Park and back to the park. Wuao...
After that, had two pages of printout for my assignment touch up. Just because I couldn't accept the header for two pages being too high. Hehe.. Perfectionist mah..
Made my way to AMK library. However there wasn't any unoccupied tables. So I studied for awhile at the sofa seats, beside this sweet lady. Unsatisfied, I decided to leave for Bishan library. Well..there were seats but the children at the children's section downstairs were too noisy. Hence, unable to find my conducive in the environment, I bunk off to Toa Payoh. Haha.
Toa Payoh Library was worst. There were so much people. Well.. I guess I wasn't in the right mood for studies. So I decided to take the day-off. Oops. Hehe.
I end up buying Akeelah and the Bee. An adaption from the summary. It's the inspirational story of Akeelah Andrerson, an 11-yr-old girl with a gift for words. Despite the objections of her mother, Akeelah enters various spelling contests, for which she is tutored by the forthright Dr. Larabee; her principal Mr. Welch and the proud residents of her neighbourhood. Akeelah's aptitude earns her an opportunity to compete for a spot in the Scripps National Spelling Bee and, in turn, unties her neighbourhood who witness the courage and inspiration of one amazing little girl.
The ending was moving. Akeelah and her strong competitor Dylan, won the double championship. In the movie, I heard of my favourite prose. It's about liberating the fear of ownself. Perviously heard from Coach Carter.
Well.. the movie awakened myself. The previous 21 years of my life was alot. I'm not that bad afterall. I've changed alot and achieved alot. From a shy, autistic boy to be more sociable and friendly guy. My secondary pursue and spirit for my military band and music. My passion for art. Coping with all the emotions. My leadership and capability in running during NS. And now, smart enough to be in SIM university doing a degree along the profession of my late mummy.
An add-on to my previous entry "De one with a Spark of Inspiration", I've always strived to do my best. I did. For once, I put away my humble and amplify my pride.
Life's really turning out good. Thankfully, the grey clouds shifted itself out from me which I thought was Eden. Oops. How silly I was.
Early morning, woke up around 9am and dragged myself for morning jog. Surprises just keeps appearing this week. Guess who did I see at Bishan Park? my secondary school mates, playing soccer. Well, I just wanted to concentrate on my jogging, so i didn't approach them. Hehe.
Well, it was a rather refreshing jog along Marymount Rd all the way up to Bishan Fire Station before making a U-turn down along Thompson Rd, cut into the Car Industrial Park and back to the park. Wuao...
After that, had two pages of printout for my assignment touch up. Just because I couldn't accept the header for two pages being too high. Hehe.. Perfectionist mah..
Made my way to AMK library. However there wasn't any unoccupied tables. So I studied for awhile at the sofa seats, beside this sweet lady. Unsatisfied, I decided to leave for Bishan library. Well..there were seats but the children at the children's section downstairs were too noisy. Hence, unable to find my conducive in the environment, I bunk off to Toa Payoh. Haha.
Toa Payoh Library was worst. There were so much people. Well.. I guess I wasn't in the right mood for studies. So I decided to take the day-off. Oops. Hehe.
I end up buying Akeelah and the Bee. An adaption from the summary. It's the inspirational story of Akeelah Andrerson, an 11-yr-old girl with a gift for words. Despite the objections of her mother, Akeelah enters various spelling contests, for which she is tutored by the forthright Dr. Larabee; her principal Mr. Welch and the proud residents of her neighbourhood. Akeelah's aptitude earns her an opportunity to compete for a spot in the Scripps National Spelling Bee and, in turn, unties her neighbourhood who witness the courage and inspiration of one amazing little girl.
The ending was moving. Akeelah and her strong competitor Dylan, won the double championship. In the movie, I heard of my favourite prose. It's about liberating the fear of ownself. Perviously heard from Coach Carter.
Well.. the movie awakened myself. The previous 21 years of my life was alot. I'm not that bad afterall. I've changed alot and achieved alot. From a shy, autistic boy to be more sociable and friendly guy. My secondary pursue and spirit for my military band and music. My passion for art. Coping with all the emotions. My leadership and capability in running during NS. And now, smart enough to be in SIM university doing a degree along the profession of my late mummy.
An add-on to my previous entry "De one with a Spark of Inspiration", I've always strived to do my best. I did. For once, I put away my humble and amplify my pride.
Life's really turning out good. Thankfully, the grey clouds shifted itself out from me which I thought was Eden. Oops. How silly I was.
De one with A spark of Inspiration [Emolings]
Spreading thy wings and starting to soar
Have you ever been in a moment where you feel you've all the support of people surrounding you, feel that you can't be more appropriate and right possible in your entire life. I have. This iscalled LOVE. L. O. V. E.
It's the moment I'm truly myself. Just the way I like my life to be. No complications. Just simply me. It's gratifying.
Jason no longer cry anymore. Well.. there may be times I feel down. However, I'm proud to say, in all my life, I'm fortunately to say in all the relationships I've been through, I gave my best shot in it.
I did. Wholeheartedly... Genuinely.. Sincerely.
I'm truly happy and inspired by myself.
I finally realised this. Today.
:D
Have you ever been in a moment where you feel you've all the support of people surrounding you, feel that you can't be more appropriate and right possible in your entire life. I have. This iscalled LOVE. L. O. V. E.
It's the moment I'm truly myself. Just the way I like my life to be. No complications. Just simply me. It's gratifying.
Jason no longer cry anymore. Well.. there may be times I feel down. However, I'm proud to say, in all my life, I'm fortunately to say in all the relationships I've been through, I gave my best shot in it.
I did. Wholeheartedly... Genuinely.. Sincerely.
I'm truly happy and inspired by myself.
I finally realised this. Today.
:D
Saturday, October 14, 2006
De one with a Note to Unworthy [Emolings]
Humble in Pride
I didn't take anything from you. Talk about Karma, I think I've paid and experienced whatever devastation you've never faced nor been through before.
I loved a person who cheat me of 5k. And I faced the grief of losing two family members.
At least you have a mother to run to. When you feel troubled, you have a home with all family members full-house, to return too.
No. I didn't take anything from you.
Humans never learn. But I've learnt. This time... it's really over.
No more downpour in my heart. It's sunny from now onwards.
I didn't take anything from you. Talk about Karma, I think I've paid and experienced whatever devastation you've never faced nor been through before.
I loved a person who cheat me of 5k. And I faced the grief of losing two family members.
At least you have a mother to run to. When you feel troubled, you have a home with all family members full-house, to return too.
No. I didn't take anything from you.
Humans never learn. But I've learnt. This time... it's really over.
No more downpour in my heart. It's sunny from now onwards.
De one with Friday the 13th
Drizzle and sunshine
Today is Friday the 13th. To many, they always believe it to be an unlucky day. Presumingly, Robinson Crusude's friend Friday, died on this day. Anyway.. this isn't my area of superstition.
I dressed all black today. Nope. Not because it's Friday the 13th. However, an all black attire because I went to visit my mummy again. It occurred to me that I've not visited mummy last month. Sigh. Perhaps God's punishing me for being too caught up in my relationship (which was really a waste and disastrous). Looking back, time really pass by very rapidly. Yesterday marked the 15 month since mummy left.
Differ form the norm, I bought 2 stalks of roses instead of 3. It symbolises "Miss you". In my heart, I was really lost. It feel so empty even since someone who filled and emptied it completely recently. Not even a single bit left because my rage burnt and evaporated every drop of it.
On my way from Thompson Plaza to Mandai Coloumnarium, there was a downpour. I was crying in my heart as the realising loneliness kept sipping in boundlessly. Unexplainably, when I arrived throught the gates of the destination, the rain faded and the skies turned cloudy.
The place was pretty crowded compared to the previous afternoons I've been there. Anyway, I spent some quality time with mummy. Updating her every single bit about my life, the family and all that was bad.
Managed to restored peace in me. In addition to what happened to me in the morning when I went jogging after only 4 hours of sleep last night. For once ever since the breakup, memories flashback of the sweet-time I had with Sweet, I didn't feel abit of remorse or missing. Instead, I felt appreciative and smiled at the rememberance of us.
Friday the 13th wasn't a bad day for me after all. I left Mandai. It didn't rain until I reached the busstop. What's with luck on me? ;)
Somebody said a couple of things which nearly ruined my day. However, this day was just too good and real smooth for me. Another plus upgrade was I was matured enough to think and not get so easily affected by what others say.
Till today, I realised... I didn't love Sweet a single bit. Silly that I only managed to realised it today. They say, "the person who hurt you most is the person is the one you loved most". I just don't think I loved Sweet that much as I've thought myself to be.
I went to library for a short period for studying. Sigh. Cost is really tough. Plus my eyes were tired from the lack of sleep last night. I decided to leave for Orchard earlier to met Mohan.
Arrival at Orchard MRT, I was infested with the surveyers while I wait for Mohan. We walked to Cineleisure to buy our movie tickets. Meantime, we dined at Paragon's Thai Express. Upon hearing from me that 4:30 was out, we went to three different places as Mohan wanted to get the show on dvd. Only to find it at our last stop at Sembawang Music Store just before we went up for our movie.
After a pretty long time, I finally stick back to having popcorns for movie. Lucky again? For the first time in all the times I've watched movie at Cine, we have our movie threatre on the 9th storey!
We watched this heartwarming movie: Little Miss Sunshine (though I wanted to watch WTC initially but I changed my mind and accomodate Mohan as I was in the mood for a happy movie). The movie was rather good. Heart delighting. It was about the things good and bad which occured during a family's trip to this beauty pageant, the young daughter, Olive was participating.
The movie portrays the ambitions and dissapointment of family. Olive's dream to win in the Little Miss Sunshine yet she's pretty obese since she loved ice-cream. There was Mr Hoover who got con into a business, selling a book based on his enthusiastic model differentiating winners and losers. There was Mrs Hoover, coping with her stress as good wife, mother and sister. There was Uncle Frank who was a homosexual and the 3rd scholar in the states, attempted suicide because he got sacked by his job at uni due to a scandal with a student. And Granpa who died due to overdosage of drugs. Lastly, there was Dwine, the eldest son who strived so much to become a pilot yet disabled with color blindness.
The family been through alot. From dealing with a spolit clutch minibus, Grandpa's death and finally, the hilarious amirable support of the whole family to Olive who wasn't getting the support from the crowd with her striptease dance.
All in all, there was a contrast in the show which left a very deep impression in me. Frank was at a petrol station, buying porn for Granpa Hoover. He met the student he was in love with. The student saw Frank's purchase and withdraw from Frank. Haha.. usually, a normal friend who sees you will a GAY porn will withdraw and run off from you. In this movie, it was the opposite.
After movie, we came across this new store : Super surf..something Surf. We went in. As I was browsing the slippers. This lovely female assistant ask me how old we (Mohan and me) were. When I replied we were 21, she was astonised. Told me we look alot younger. Haha.
The both of us decided to chill out at the only Starbucks we've never been to at the old Singtel Building. Unexpectedly, it was crowded. So we patronised the one at Wheelock Place. Mohan said there was this guy who staring at us. Earlier as we walked along Orcahrd Road, Mohan said a guy was staring at me. When Mohan was trying his clothes at NUM vintage store, the male assistant keep taking glances at me. Omg. Am I becoming a male-magnet? Haha.
Friday the thirteen. Well... definately an enjoyable day. But tiring day... *wink*
Today is Friday the 13th. To many, they always believe it to be an unlucky day. Presumingly, Robinson Crusude's friend Friday, died on this day. Anyway.. this isn't my area of superstition.
I dressed all black today. Nope. Not because it's Friday the 13th. However, an all black attire because I went to visit my mummy again. It occurred to me that I've not visited mummy last month. Sigh. Perhaps God's punishing me for being too caught up in my relationship (which was really a waste and disastrous). Looking back, time really pass by very rapidly. Yesterday marked the 15 month since mummy left.
Differ form the norm, I bought 2 stalks of roses instead of 3. It symbolises "Miss you". In my heart, I was really lost. It feel so empty even since someone who filled and emptied it completely recently. Not even a single bit left because my rage burnt and evaporated every drop of it.
On my way from Thompson Plaza to Mandai Coloumnarium, there was a downpour. I was crying in my heart as the realising loneliness kept sipping in boundlessly. Unexplainably, when I arrived throught the gates of the destination, the rain faded and the skies turned cloudy.
The place was pretty crowded compared to the previous afternoons I've been there. Anyway, I spent some quality time with mummy. Updating her every single bit about my life, the family and all that was bad.
Managed to restored peace in me. In addition to what happened to me in the morning when I went jogging after only 4 hours of sleep last night. For once ever since the breakup, memories flashback of the sweet-time I had with Sweet, I didn't feel abit of remorse or missing. Instead, I felt appreciative and smiled at the rememberance of us.
Friday the 13th wasn't a bad day for me after all. I left Mandai. It didn't rain until I reached the busstop. What's with luck on me? ;)
Somebody said a couple of things which nearly ruined my day. However, this day was just too good and real smooth for me. Another plus upgrade was I was matured enough to think and not get so easily affected by what others say.
Till today, I realised... I didn't love Sweet a single bit. Silly that I only managed to realised it today. They say, "the person who hurt you most is the person is the one you loved most". I just don't think I loved Sweet that much as I've thought myself to be.
I went to library for a short period for studying. Sigh. Cost is really tough. Plus my eyes were tired from the lack of sleep last night. I decided to leave for Orchard earlier to met Mohan.
Arrival at Orchard MRT, I was infested with the surveyers while I wait for Mohan. We walked to Cineleisure to buy our movie tickets. Meantime, we dined at Paragon's Thai Express. Upon hearing from me that 4:30 was out, we went to three different places as Mohan wanted to get the show on dvd. Only to find it at our last stop at Sembawang Music Store just before we went up for our movie.
After a pretty long time, I finally stick back to having popcorns for movie. Lucky again? For the first time in all the times I've watched movie at Cine, we have our movie threatre on the 9th storey!
We watched this heartwarming movie: Little Miss Sunshine (though I wanted to watch WTC initially but I changed my mind and accomodate Mohan as I was in the mood for a happy movie). The movie was rather good. Heart delighting. It was about the things good and bad which occured during a family's trip to this beauty pageant, the young daughter, Olive was participating.
The movie portrays the ambitions and dissapointment of family. Olive's dream to win in the Little Miss Sunshine yet she's pretty obese since she loved ice-cream. There was Mr Hoover who got con into a business, selling a book based on his enthusiastic model differentiating winners and losers. There was Mrs Hoover, coping with her stress as good wife, mother and sister. There was Uncle Frank who was a homosexual and the 3rd scholar in the states, attempted suicide because he got sacked by his job at uni due to a scandal with a student. And Granpa who died due to overdosage of drugs. Lastly, there was Dwine, the eldest son who strived so much to become a pilot yet disabled with color blindness.
The family been through alot. From dealing with a spolit clutch minibus, Grandpa's death and finally, the hilarious amirable support of the whole family to Olive who wasn't getting the support from the crowd with her striptease dance.
All in all, there was a contrast in the show which left a very deep impression in me. Frank was at a petrol station, buying porn for Granpa Hoover. He met the student he was in love with. The student saw Frank's purchase and withdraw from Frank. Haha.. usually, a normal friend who sees you will a GAY porn will withdraw and run off from you. In this movie, it was the opposite.
After movie, we came across this new store : Super surf..something Surf. We went in. As I was browsing the slippers. This lovely female assistant ask me how old we (Mohan and me) were. When I replied we were 21, she was astonised. Told me we look alot younger. Haha.
The both of us decided to chill out at the only Starbucks we've never been to at the old Singtel Building. Unexpectedly, it was crowded. So we patronised the one at Wheelock Place. Mohan said there was this guy who staring at us. Earlier as we walked along Orcahrd Road, Mohan said a guy was staring at me. When Mohan was trying his clothes at NUM vintage store, the male assistant keep taking glances at me. Omg. Am I becoming a male-magnet? Haha.
Friday the thirteen. Well... definately an enjoyable day. But tiring day... *wink*
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
De one with Shopping again
Sunny, hazy
Today was supposedly the last lecture of ECON1016. However the lecturer couldn't complete his teaching of topic: International Trade. Hence, we have an extra lecture on Wednesday next week.
Went to campus early for studying at the library after a light morning jog. Didn't do much. the whole 3 hours I was cramping my head to read up and pick up the relevant crucials in the Accounting chapter 10: Budgets and CVP. Sigh. Halfway through, all thanks to the finishing of MintueMaid Lemonade, I experience sharp stomach pain. Ouch! Wanted very much to go to the toilet. However I didn't want to pack up my stuff (which were already laid all over the study cubicle I'm in). Furthermore, it was really heavy and troublesome. Eventually, I end up having to endure the pain in the cold room. Sigh. It's a worst feeling.. to be bearing with a bowel urge in an air conditioned room.
I didn't know why but surges of nostalgia of Sweet came forth and back at the back of my mind. Unexplainably. It's affecting me...well.. I keep telling myself I have to let go and move on.
Being the 2nd last Econs lecture, it was still as enjoyable as if it was the first. Today we learned more about Money Market: Expansionary and Contractionary Monetary Policies and a refreshing International Trade. This particular topic made me recall what I've studied before during my JC. It's about Adam Smith and David Ricardo and their theories of absolute and comparative advantage respectively.
There was this "terms of trade" which beared more resemblance to what I've studied. It was the only few areas which I only liked about Macroeconomic. Oops.. Still recall I used to hate Macroeconomics because everything was so complicated and confusing. Little did I ever know I'll be doing this again at uni. Nevertheless, it was refreshing. Thankfully, I had an "absolute advantage" compared to my counterparts who didn't take Econs during JC. *blush*
Ok, didn't mean to be boastful.
Today I met Max. In the right time to show him the available courses which he can take since he was considering of furthering his studies in Business Administration. After which he treated me dinner at J8's Swensons. He had Salmon and Mushroom pasta, while I had my all time favourite Fish and Chips.
Having our stomachs filled, we went to see J8. Unsatisfied as I wanted to buy a black LeviS Tee for this coming Friday the 13th. We travelled down to Orchard.
Do you know the underground pass to Wisma Atrium from the MRT is closed? Sigh.. It really shows how long have I last been to Orchard (well.. ever since the breakup.. only went with Mohan and Chin Yu...hmm.. nevermind). In the end, I spent a total of $200+. Let's practise some accounting here..hehe
Income
-
Net Income -
Expenses
EnerVon-C 100 tables $ 30.00
Vidal Sasoon Color Control Conditional $ 9.80
Levi Strass Black T-shirt $ 39.50
Skinxwear Innova x3 $ 32.70
DKYN Red-Delicious Cologne $102.00
Prepayment (EZ link topup) $ 30.00
Bubble Tea $ 2.50
Net Expenses ($ 246.50)
Sigh.. Max was shocked with my expenditure this evening. Sigh. But it felt good to be shopping again. Haven't been doing it because firstly, I had to be sensitive as Sweet didn't have the purchasing power. Secondly, I was often broke since I have been spending alot on us eating out and movies plus buying things for Sweet.
Well.. well.. Today, my friends continued to encourage and console me.. Especially my friend Andrew. I'm really grateful they are here to protect me as I'm rather gullible and simple-minded. Thank you, my friends.
Today was supposedly the last lecture of ECON1016. However the lecturer couldn't complete his teaching of topic: International Trade. Hence, we have an extra lecture on Wednesday next week.
Went to campus early for studying at the library after a light morning jog. Didn't do much. the whole 3 hours I was cramping my head to read up and pick up the relevant crucials in the Accounting chapter 10: Budgets and CVP. Sigh. Halfway through, all thanks to the finishing of MintueMaid Lemonade, I experience sharp stomach pain. Ouch! Wanted very much to go to the toilet. However I didn't want to pack up my stuff (which were already laid all over the study cubicle I'm in). Furthermore, it was really heavy and troublesome. Eventually, I end up having to endure the pain in the cold room. Sigh. It's a worst feeling.. to be bearing with a bowel urge in an air conditioned room.
I didn't know why but surges of nostalgia of Sweet came forth and back at the back of my mind. Unexplainably. It's affecting me...well.. I keep telling myself I have to let go and move on.
Being the 2nd last Econs lecture, it was still as enjoyable as if it was the first. Today we learned more about Money Market: Expansionary and Contractionary Monetary Policies and a refreshing International Trade. This particular topic made me recall what I've studied before during my JC. It's about Adam Smith and David Ricardo and their theories of absolute and comparative advantage respectively.
There was this "terms of trade" which beared more resemblance to what I've studied. It was the only few areas which I only liked about Macroeconomic. Oops.. Still recall I used to hate Macroeconomics because everything was so complicated and confusing. Little did I ever know I'll be doing this again at uni. Nevertheless, it was refreshing. Thankfully, I had an "absolute advantage" compared to my counterparts who didn't take Econs during JC. *blush*
Ok, didn't mean to be boastful.
Today I met Max. In the right time to show him the available courses which he can take since he was considering of furthering his studies in Business Administration. After which he treated me dinner at J8's Swensons. He had Salmon and Mushroom pasta, while I had my all time favourite Fish and Chips.
Having our stomachs filled, we went to see J8. Unsatisfied as I wanted to buy a black LeviS Tee for this coming Friday the 13th. We travelled down to Orchard.
Do you know the underground pass to Wisma Atrium from the MRT is closed? Sigh.. It really shows how long have I last been to Orchard (well.. ever since the breakup.. only went with Mohan and Chin Yu...hmm.. nevermind). In the end, I spent a total of $200+. Let's practise some accounting here..hehe
Income
-
Net Income -
Expenses
EnerVon-C 100 tables $ 30.00
Vidal Sasoon Color Control Conditional $ 9.80
Levi Strass Black T-shirt $ 39.50
Skinxwear Innova x3 $ 32.70
DKYN Red-Delicious Cologne $102.00
Prepayment (EZ link topup) $ 30.00
Bubble Tea $ 2.50
Net Expenses ($ 246.50)
Sigh.. Max was shocked with my expenditure this evening. Sigh. But it felt good to be shopping again. Haven't been doing it because firstly, I had to be sensitive as Sweet didn't have the purchasing power. Secondly, I was often broke since I have been spending alot on us eating out and movies plus buying things for Sweet.
Well.. well.. Today, my friends continued to encourage and console me.. Especially my friend Andrew. I'm really grateful they are here to protect me as I'm rather gullible and simple-minded. Thank you, my friends.
De one with Patience
Mild hazy morning
People kep saying:" You're still young... don't think too/so much. Just wait and the right one will appear or come to you."
Is this really true? How long more must I wait? :'S
People kep saying:" You're still young... don't think too/so much. Just wait and the right one will appear or come to you."
Is this really true? How long more must I wait? :'S
Monday, October 09, 2006
De one with Resilience
Hazy and warm
Don't know why but everytime I blog, I have an urge to start it by counting the number of days since the breakup. Apparantly, thanks to all the concern and encouragement of my existing and new found friends, I managed to supress "J"ason and gained my senses. I don't know..perhaps it's the beginning in another life chapter? Most probably, it is...
I do admit there will be times "J"ason take over the mind. Fabricating and analysing possibilities to achieve the long-forgotten and impossible desires. As much as I want to sip into the unconscious mind again, I pull myself back again and keep persuading myself to be rational, sensible.. and ultimately, to let go...
Met -A- a week after my breakup, we had a heart-to-heart chat after dinner at S-11, AMK central. -A- said I need to control my emotions and advised me (like what everybody has been saying) that you can't put 100% heart and soul into a relationship. That will be total suicide just by jumping into it blindly. It also made me realise things are not as simple and clear as the innocence in me is telling me so. I really hate being so superficial and cautious of people taking advantage of my genuinity and gulliblity.
Furthermore, I also realised, Time really heals some of the wounds and makes me forget about a person I used to love so much, gradually. It's not really about not thinking about my ex but rather, it was the force of letting another person into my life. As I found a new love, it enables me to fill my loneliness and enable me to utilise the passion to this new love.
Today I went jogging in the morning, I realised.. why people cry isn't entirely because the rejected person is at a loss of what to do next. A breakup is heart-breaking because you have not had the chance to recover and retrieve your feelings for a person. Yet you're already "cut off" and forced to be left suspended around the "peak" period when the other party who brought up the break-up have completely finished his/her cycle of loving you.
An example to illustrate this better would be like watching a movie. 3/5 or 3/4 throught the show, the movie got cut off and we're forced to leave.
That's why the feeling of loss comes into the picture because the rejected ones have to recover themselves.. to decrease their feelings (in completion of their cycle of love for that relationship)..alone.
Well.. life still goes on. It's really tough climbing out of the deep cliff I've fallen into. Sometimes I might just slip my grip and fall lower.
I've been studying. Exams are drawing close. Stress is building up resultably. Sigh. Non-excusable however it's really tough, coping with exams preparation and dealing with my unsettled emotion-chaos.
I'm intending to do what I can. Finally embarked on my journey to prepare myself for exams. At AMK library, I managed to finish studying 3 chapters of Accounting: Statement of Cash Flows (which I've started yesterday and the day before), Accounting Equation, Balance Sheet. As planned, I completed marketing Chpt 1 and Macroeconomics: PPC and scarcity, GDP, Unemployment and inflation. Phew...
For a moment, my mind strayed and reminded myself of the person who broke my heart.. Omg..wasted some of my revising time. I sober up and continued studying.
I had Subway takeaway for dinner after meeting Jessamine at J8 to pass her something. I realised I'm influenced by Sweet in alot of ways. Subway became my favourite fast-food restaurant. Grew to love Honey Oat loaf.. and red wine vinegrette.. Sigh.. *sobs*
All in all, it's really hard to forget... but hey, I'm moving on.. Just need more time for resilience
Archa Archa Archa!
Don't know why but everytime I blog, I have an urge to start it by counting the number of days since the breakup. Apparantly, thanks to all the concern and encouragement of my existing and new found friends, I managed to supress "J"ason and gained my senses. I don't know..perhaps it's the beginning in another life chapter? Most probably, it is...
I do admit there will be times "J"ason take over the mind. Fabricating and analysing possibilities to achieve the long-forgotten and impossible desires. As much as I want to sip into the unconscious mind again, I pull myself back again and keep persuading myself to be rational, sensible.. and ultimately, to let go...
Met -A- a week after my breakup, we had a heart-to-heart chat after dinner at S-11, AMK central. -A- said I need to control my emotions and advised me (like what everybody has been saying) that you can't put 100% heart and soul into a relationship. That will be total suicide just by jumping into it blindly. It also made me realise things are not as simple and clear as the innocence in me is telling me so. I really hate being so superficial and cautious of people taking advantage of my genuinity and gulliblity.
Furthermore, I also realised, Time really heals some of the wounds and makes me forget about a person I used to love so much, gradually. It's not really about not thinking about my ex but rather, it was the force of letting another person into my life. As I found a new love, it enables me to fill my loneliness and enable me to utilise the passion to this new love.
Today I went jogging in the morning, I realised.. why people cry isn't entirely because the rejected person is at a loss of what to do next. A breakup is heart-breaking because you have not had the chance to recover and retrieve your feelings for a person. Yet you're already "cut off" and forced to be left suspended around the "peak" period when the other party who brought up the break-up have completely finished his/her cycle of loving you.
An example to illustrate this better would be like watching a movie. 3/5 or 3/4 throught the show, the movie got cut off and we're forced to leave.
That's why the feeling of loss comes into the picture because the rejected ones have to recover themselves.. to decrease their feelings (in completion of their cycle of love for that relationship)..alone.
Well.. life still goes on. It's really tough climbing out of the deep cliff I've fallen into. Sometimes I might just slip my grip and fall lower.
I've been studying. Exams are drawing close. Stress is building up resultably. Sigh. Non-excusable however it's really tough, coping with exams preparation and dealing with my unsettled emotion-chaos.
I'm intending to do what I can. Finally embarked on my journey to prepare myself for exams. At AMK library, I managed to finish studying 3 chapters of Accounting: Statement of Cash Flows (which I've started yesterday and the day before), Accounting Equation, Balance Sheet. As planned, I completed marketing Chpt 1 and Macroeconomics: PPC and scarcity, GDP, Unemployment and inflation. Phew...
For a moment, my mind strayed and reminded myself of the person who broke my heart.. Omg..wasted some of my revising time. I sober up and continued studying.
I had Subway takeaway for dinner after meeting Jessamine at J8 to pass her something. I realised I'm influenced by Sweet in alot of ways. Subway became my favourite fast-food restaurant. Grew to love Honey Oat loaf.. and red wine vinegrette.. Sigh.. *sobs*
All in all, it's really hard to forget... but hey, I'm moving on.. Just need more time for resilience
Archa Archa Archa!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
De one with a Prayer
Night breeze
Shuqing gave me this prayer.. it was this which I felt exonerated and resilient. Furthermore, gratefully thankful to..
Someone and gestures came visit me... alleviating the chaos in my heart, mind and soul. ... filling me with the comfort of making me restore thy peace, as though draining thy ambivalence. Affirmed, I'm enlightened of forgivance.
I've always been a "slower". I suppose it takes Time for me to let go...
"Father, I know I have broken Your laws and my sin has seperated me from You.
Now I want to turn into your past sinful life, towards you.
Please forgive me and please help me aviod sinning again.
I invite Jesus into my heart, to fill me with His love.. to take away the hurts I feel.
Lord, I pray you engulf me with Your love. To show me how love actually feels.
The happiness of love, the sweetness of love and Lord. to show me the meaning of life.
And I pray this all in Jesus' name, Amen"
Now I want to turn into your past sinful life, towards you.
Please forgive me and please help me aviod sinning again.
I invite Jesus into my heart, to fill me with His love.. to take away the hurts I feel.
Lord, I pray you engulf me with Your love. To show me how love actually feels.
The happiness of love, the sweetness of love and Lord. to show me the meaning of life.
And I pray this all in Jesus' name, Amen"
Shuqing gave me this prayer.. it was this which I felt exonerated and resilient. Furthermore, gratefully thankful to..
Someone and gestures came visit me... alleviating the chaos in my heart, mind and soul. ... filling me with the comfort of making me restore thy peace, as though draining thy ambivalence. Affirmed, I'm enlightened of forgivance.
I've always been a "slower". I suppose it takes Time for me to let go...
De one with Love of the Schizophrenia
Unpredictable weather
It's been 15 days since the breakup. It took my alot of courage to blog this entry...
I wouldn't deny that this 15 days have been as disastrous as Hell. It was filled with torture, heartpain, suffering, ultimate misery, loneliness and crying... In the milst of all this intense emotional moment, another side of Jason came to exist. It's schizophrenia. I supposed so.
Like the Phoenix in X-men, I developed another side of me. Someone born of split personality.
Jason was not the sweet, innocent, gullible kind soul..but someone beyond imagined, limitedlessly strong... someone filled with rage, dominance and emotionless.
I, or it's the "J"ason..said and did stupid things which were not supposed to be. He end up causing damage to thyself and people who loved me so much. I want to scream out loud that I was not to be blame. However, it was all in that instance when I lost my senses and rationality, "J"ason took over.
Why!?! Why does it have to be me? I cry every time.. The miserable song keeps playing in my head. That guilt is awfully causing me to be unable to sleep, study and live. I really feel it was the end of the world. Everything I see, hear, smell or touch, I just can't be reminded of the pain inflicted on me by the person whom I thought I could open and share my entire life with.
I was wrong.. dissappointed? angry? cheated? I really don't know what to feel. You know what breaks and crumple a person? It is learning the secrets which the person whom you trusted and cared entirely, more than anyone else in your entire life. The feeling when you see how dark you've been lured into.
As much as "J"ason's actions or my defensive measure are unjustified (after learning the consequences).. I beg not to be condemned or entirely convicted of my wrong doings. I'd always believe in Newton's 3rd Law of Matters : "Every process has an equal and opposite reaction force". Everything occur due to a reason. This was imprinted into my memory by -A-.
I've ever considered and even exacuted ending my life... Yes, alot of people will comment it's really foolish and dumb. However, I'm that innocent. I thought it was the only way to erase my entire life..this life borned wrong in the first place. I really want to start a new life afresh. However, I want to specify, I didn't commit this way to use it as a threat to make the person responsible for this to come back to me.
I've really learnt.. somethings in life ain't meant to be yours, no matter how you try, it will never will itself to you. In being persistent, you may be widening the distance instead of bridging the gap in between.
Then again.. somethings in life which we want to achieve and really give our heart and soul for it, there are still alot..or a bunchful which are just taking adventage of you...
All in all, there were no excuses or invention of "J"ason. The phoenix in me was truly awakened. It's the same person whom everybody has. He's the one who make you feel comforted after your prayer. He's the one who endure you through your challenges. For me...thyself...so frightened and fearful of him.
It's been 15 days since the breakup. It took my alot of courage to blog this entry...
I wouldn't deny that this 15 days have been as disastrous as Hell. It was filled with torture, heartpain, suffering, ultimate misery, loneliness and crying... In the milst of all this intense emotional moment, another side of Jason came to exist. It's schizophrenia. I supposed so.
Like the Phoenix in X-men, I developed another side of me. Someone born of split personality.
Jason was not the sweet, innocent, gullible kind soul..but someone beyond imagined, limitedlessly strong... someone filled with rage, dominance and emotionless.
I, or it's the "J"ason..said and did stupid things which were not supposed to be. He end up causing damage to thyself and people who loved me so much. I want to scream out loud that I was not to be blame. However, it was all in that instance when I lost my senses and rationality, "J"ason took over.
Why!?! Why does it have to be me? I cry every time.. The miserable song keeps playing in my head. That guilt is awfully causing me to be unable to sleep, study and live. I really feel it was the end of the world. Everything I see, hear, smell or touch, I just can't be reminded of the pain inflicted on me by the person whom I thought I could open and share my entire life with.
I was wrong.. dissappointed? angry? cheated? I really don't know what to feel. You know what breaks and crumple a person? It is learning the secrets which the person whom you trusted and cared entirely, more than anyone else in your entire life. The feeling when you see how dark you've been lured into.
As much as "J"ason's actions or my defensive measure are unjustified (after learning the consequences).. I beg not to be condemned or entirely convicted of my wrong doings. I'd always believe in Newton's 3rd Law of Matters : "Every process has an equal and opposite reaction force". Everything occur due to a reason. This was imprinted into my memory by -A-.
I've ever considered and even exacuted ending my life... Yes, alot of people will comment it's really foolish and dumb. However, I'm that innocent. I thought it was the only way to erase my entire life..this life borned wrong in the first place. I really want to start a new life afresh. However, I want to specify, I didn't commit this way to use it as a threat to make the person responsible for this to come back to me.
I've really learnt.. somethings in life ain't meant to be yours, no matter how you try, it will never will itself to you. In being persistent, you may be widening the distance instead of bridging the gap in between.
Then again.. somethings in life which we want to achieve and really give our heart and soul for it, there are still alot..or a bunchful which are just taking adventage of you...
All in all, there were no excuses or invention of "J"ason. The phoenix in me was truly awakened. It's the same person whom everybody has. He's the one who make you feel comforted after your prayer. He's the one who endure you through your challenges. For me...thyself...so frightened and fearful of him.
Monday, September 25, 2006
De one with Jason is Dead
Death lurks...
As of today, Jason is dead................................................................................................................................
As of today, Jason is dead................................................................................................................................
De one with Life Stood Still
Everyday's just as gray
It's been a week already. Yet, nothing has changed. Except the distance between Sweet and me is getting further and further. Sweet's being more and more irritated than bothered about me.
Life's really slowing down... as though the engine has ran out of battery.. deteriorating gradually, filling every space of my heart with pure sadness, suffocating me with no meaning. Every person has a meaning to live for and to live on by.. guess this is what becomes of me when something significant in my life, has gone missing.
I know there are other things in life. However, seems they are not as important and what I really need. Undeniably, I am finally collapsing and breaking down, comprising my rationality, mind and soul. It feels a hundred times more painful than death. At least, dead is sudden most of the time and it only last a moment. It's alot better because you wouldn't have the capacity to deal with the post-occurance period.
Suddenly, all my life's trouble, tickled down to the very insignificant ones are surfacing. Each demanding and pressurising me, pushing me to a corner. Everything's gone bad. Relationship with family. Friends who I can't relate my sadness to. Fear of troubling people. Grabbing to hope for a better change. Struggling against the odds. Persistence for a truth from someone who is not sure, worst, delibrately suspending you. Sweet. Mid-semester exam. Final examination due in 30 days' time. Financial problems. My current life unluckiness.
Yes, everybody has been hurt. But I'm really devastated because I've been bottling everything inside my heart. Capped with a wonderful relationship with Sweet who I confide in, that's why I put so much effort and heart into it. Little did I expect the "cap" wasn't how good I thought it was. End up, the cap popped loose itself. It even cut me when I was trying to get it back again.
I'm really turning into living dead. A heart overpouring with troubles, endless misery. Flooding and drowning me in it.
='(
It's been a week already. Yet, nothing has changed. Except the distance between Sweet and me is getting further and further. Sweet's being more and more irritated than bothered about me.
Life's really slowing down... as though the engine has ran out of battery.. deteriorating gradually, filling every space of my heart with pure sadness, suffocating me with no meaning. Every person has a meaning to live for and to live on by.. guess this is what becomes of me when something significant in my life, has gone missing.
I know there are other things in life. However, seems they are not as important and what I really need. Undeniably, I am finally collapsing and breaking down, comprising my rationality, mind and soul. It feels a hundred times more painful than death. At least, dead is sudden most of the time and it only last a moment. It's alot better because you wouldn't have the capacity to deal with the post-occurance period.
Suddenly, all my life's trouble, tickled down to the very insignificant ones are surfacing. Each demanding and pressurising me, pushing me to a corner. Everything's gone bad. Relationship with family. Friends who I can't relate my sadness to. Fear of troubling people. Grabbing to hope for a better change. Struggling against the odds. Persistence for a truth from someone who is not sure, worst, delibrately suspending you. Sweet. Mid-semester exam. Final examination due in 30 days' time. Financial problems. My current life unluckiness.
Yes, everybody has been hurt. But I'm really devastated because I've been bottling everything inside my heart. Capped with a wonderful relationship with Sweet who I confide in, that's why I put so much effort and heart into it. Little did I expect the "cap" wasn't how good I thought it was. End up, the cap popped loose itself. It even cut me when I was trying to get it back again.
I'm really turning into living dead. A heart overpouring with troubles, endless misery. Flooding and drowning me in it.
='(
Friday, September 22, 2006
De one with Tears of Thy Heart
Moody all day
It's the last day of the week, everyone is happy and blissfully spending time with their loved ones at home, dinner and movie.. or even a loving stroll in the park. All these were the past for me..
It's been the 3rd day since the "verdict". Yet, inevitably... the tears of thy heart (sigh~) keeps flowing like there's no tomorrow.. :'c
Though exams are not over.. and it's Tuesday. However, I really can't concentrate. Unknowingly, I feel so forsakened. I can't even feel God carrying me on his back...
Everywhere I go, everything I see and the dreadful memories of Sweet, just keeps my heart tearing. I was with Mohan the day before. I couldn't help crying when I was dinning at Pasta Mania, having recalled Sweet doesn't like unhealthy sweet ice-lemon tea. That Sweet always accomodate me and compromise with Sweet's distaste for sweet syrup drink and pasta. I walked past Cineleisure's Bits and Pieces, that was the place we chose our couple rings. Went Hereen and all the memories of our arguments just flow.
Yesterday, I was with Clara at Jurong Point.. remember Sweet and I ate at the foodcourt upstairs. We went IMM..recalled Sweet and I was running wildly to look for a protective screen for our new couple SGH-E900. I was at 7-11, wanting to buy a drink, I saw Mr Softee.. made me recall it was Sweet and my childhood favourite. Clara and I ate Sundaes at Mac. Recalled Sweet and I ate Sundae at Bras Basah's Mac.
Zhen Ze, Guan Hui and I ate Subway today.. made me remember Sweet and I shared a delicious "footlong" honey-oak sandwich. Today, I put on a brave front but I was really crying so painfully in my heart as I eat in silence.
Came home only to hear my granny crying.. over my Motherless younger brother, who was punished my aunt for misbehaving. It feels like everything is collapsing down on me... I'm really hurt enough..
"The "rain" within my heart is downpouring,
Yet it doesn't wet her hair.
Tears dipping on the card's sentiment,
That heartpain has no delay.
The "rain" within my heart is downpouring,
It still doesn't wet her in anyway.
The chilling wind breeze through the twigs in the porch
As it withers the rose in my palm."
- Xin Yu, translated (Jay Chou's Still Fantasy)
I am really miserable... really really filled with nothing but pure, absolute heart-break and loneliness....
"And I know, it's only in my mind..
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him...
And although I know that he is blind...
Still I say
There's a way for us
I love him, but everyday I'm learning
All my life, I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I've ever known..."
- Eponine, in love with Marius (Les Miserables)
Please, grant me a Sweet,lift me from my solitary despair
Else, bring me away
:''(
It's the last day of the week, everyone is happy and blissfully spending time with their loved ones at home, dinner and movie.. or even a loving stroll in the park. All these were the past for me..
It's been the 3rd day since the "verdict". Yet, inevitably... the tears of thy heart (sigh~) keeps flowing like there's no tomorrow.. :'c
Though exams are not over.. and it's Tuesday. However, I really can't concentrate. Unknowingly, I feel so forsakened. I can't even feel God carrying me on his back...
Everywhere I go, everything I see and the dreadful memories of Sweet, just keeps my heart tearing. I was with Mohan the day before. I couldn't help crying when I was dinning at Pasta Mania, having recalled Sweet doesn't like unhealthy sweet ice-lemon tea. That Sweet always accomodate me and compromise with Sweet's distaste for sweet syrup drink and pasta. I walked past Cineleisure's Bits and Pieces, that was the place we chose our couple rings. Went Hereen and all the memories of our arguments just flow.
Yesterday, I was with Clara at Jurong Point.. remember Sweet and I ate at the foodcourt upstairs. We went IMM..recalled Sweet and I was running wildly to look for a protective screen for our new couple SGH-E900. I was at 7-11, wanting to buy a drink, I saw Mr Softee.. made me recall it was Sweet and my childhood favourite. Clara and I ate Sundaes at Mac. Recalled Sweet and I ate Sundae at Bras Basah's Mac.
Zhen Ze, Guan Hui and I ate Subway today.. made me remember Sweet and I shared a delicious "footlong" honey-oak sandwich. Today, I put on a brave front but I was really crying so painfully in my heart as I eat in silence.
Came home only to hear my granny crying.. over my Motherless younger brother, who was punished my aunt for misbehaving. It feels like everything is collapsing down on me... I'm really hurt enough..
"The "rain" within my heart is downpouring,
Yet it doesn't wet her hair.
Tears dipping on the card's sentiment,
That heartpain has no delay.
The "rain" within my heart is downpouring,
It still doesn't wet her in anyway.
The chilling wind breeze through the twigs in the porch
As it withers the rose in my palm."
- Xin Yu, translated (Jay Chou's Still Fantasy)
I am really miserable... really really filled with nothing but pure, absolute heart-break and loneliness....
"And I know, it's only in my mind..
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him...
And although I know that he is blind...
Still I say
There's a way for us
I love him, but everyday I'm learning
All my life, I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I've ever known..."
- Eponine, in love with Marius (Les Miserables)
Please, grant me a Sweet,lift me from my solitary despair
Else, bring me away
:''(
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
De one with The Verdict
Fluming day
Whatever I was feeling sad and insecure took it's final leash and then came a harsh-derserving verdict: Sweet is no longer in love with me anymore.
I don't know who to blame. I was persistent once again, filled with misery-converted-to-rage too. All I could think of was I find it very difficult to let go. It really hurt deep inside as if my heart is bleeding profusely.
Deserve it? I think not. I really deny that the culprit is me for this turn of events. Neither do I want to blame Sweet. As much as I'm hopeful for a miracle.. let's just blame that Sweet and I are not fated.
I feel overly sinful ever since our final confrontation. Judging the measures I've taken and trouble caused. I though I could hang out this rage. However, by now, I've started to regret and repent. I really hate me being someone so evil who I detest..
I've forsakened the 4-faced Bhurma's blessed gift to me. Right now, I can do nothing but start into blank, letting the tears of regret, guilt, misery, flow out unstoppably from my eyes.. filled with ultimate desperation for hope and resentment.
Whatever I was feeling sad and insecure took it's final leash and then came a harsh-derserving verdict: Sweet is no longer in love with me anymore.
I don't know who to blame. I was persistent once again, filled with misery-converted-to-rage too. All I could think of was I find it very difficult to let go. It really hurt deep inside as if my heart is bleeding profusely.
Deserve it? I think not. I really deny that the culprit is me for this turn of events. Neither do I want to blame Sweet. As much as I'm hopeful for a miracle.. let's just blame that Sweet and I are not fated.
I feel overly sinful ever since our final confrontation. Judging the measures I've taken and trouble caused. I though I could hang out this rage. However, by now, I've started to regret and repent. I really hate me being someone so evil who I detest..
I've forsakened the 4-faced Bhurma's blessed gift to me. Right now, I can do nothing but start into blank, letting the tears of regret, guilt, misery, flow out unstoppably from my eyes.. filled with ultimate desperation for hope and resentment.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
De one with Loo Wan
CHRONICLES Of CHUM
Tan Loo Wan. Very candid most of the time.. vocal too and a hell leader of charisma.
He was the first person I befriended when I first entered SRJC after "first 3 months". He was Pi-yi Secondary School uniform when we became friends and accompany each other during our very first lecture which was mathematics.
I recalled the very first time, we were chased out of our first Economics lecture since both of us forgotten to bring our lecture notes. Because of this, Loo Wan became the Class Rep..while I became the Assistant Class Rep. However, I didn't do much (as I've always kept low profile). So another girl shared the position with me.
We're pretty good friends, he's very caring towards his peers and "buay pai seh" (not scared of embarrassment in Hokkien) type of person We even landed in the same GP class for two years.
He's an expert in table tennis, which landed him to become the President of table tennis club. The girls used to tease that he has "big butt". We guys like to say he has a long neck which is part of what enable him to do so much chin-ups. Hehe
Loo Wan always love eating. He's always exggeratingly late most of our meeting. He's pretty closed to Jessamine, another girl in our "tribal gang". Always tease her of eating too much beef.
Like me, he went through BTM (except his was direct, I was Enhanced), then SISPEC in Alpha Coy (slack lah) and he got posted to become a Recce scout Sgt in Infantry.
Currently he's doing a degree in Business Administeration at SMU. Good luck Loo!
Tan Loo Wan. Very candid most of the time.. vocal too and a hell leader of charisma.
He was the first person I befriended when I first entered SRJC after "first 3 months". He was Pi-yi Secondary School uniform when we became friends and accompany each other during our very first lecture which was mathematics.
I recalled the very first time, we were chased out of our first Economics lecture since both of us forgotten to bring our lecture notes. Because of this, Loo Wan became the Class Rep..while I became the Assistant Class Rep. However, I didn't do much (as I've always kept low profile). So another girl shared the position with me.
We're pretty good friends, he's very caring towards his peers and "buay pai seh" (not scared of embarrassment in Hokkien) type of person We even landed in the same GP class for two years.
He's an expert in table tennis, which landed him to become the President of table tennis club. The girls used to tease that he has "big butt". We guys like to say he has a long neck which is part of what enable him to do so much chin-ups. Hehe
Loo Wan always love eating. He's always exggeratingly late most of our meeting. He's pretty closed to Jessamine, another girl in our "tribal gang". Always tease her of eating too much beef.
Like me, he went through BTM (except his was direct, I was Enhanced), then SISPEC in Alpha Coy (slack lah) and he got posted to become a Recce scout Sgt in Infantry.
Currently he's doing a degree in Business Administeration at SMU. Good luck Loo!
De one with Messenger
Cold & Chilling
I'm not denier of fate.
Neither am I strong enough to lose
Nor good enough to deprived you of your dreams
As much as I hope thous can be like me
Seek peace in living
A life to deliver help, joy
Bringing smile to almost everybody
For I'm a messenger
I don't have a choice
Like you or many others
I'm always the in-between
For I'm bounded by fate
I understand..
"Thou canst not speak of thou canst not feel"
- Romeo to Friar Lawrence in R&J
But before you made your decision
When the rightful tie comes
Please "think of me"
- Christine Dale in Phantom of the Opera
It's now not about you yourself
I'm included, I hope so
And never regret
Because you're going on a road of no return
Even if you do
And go through to other people
Your heart is forever stained
With my blood of passion
Which now thee only see as
Something of contamination and sinful
Even the angels shall weep for me
Pray not for an answer
But plead for the one you believe
To fetch thy soul away
For a faraway haven
And never seen again
I'm not denier of fate.
Neither am I strong enough to lose
Nor good enough to deprived you of your dreams
As much as I hope thous can be like me
Seek peace in living
A life to deliver help, joy
Bringing smile to almost everybody
For I'm a messenger
I don't have a choice
Like you or many others
I'm always the in-between
For I'm bounded by fate
I understand..
"Thou canst not speak of thou canst not feel"
- Romeo to Friar Lawrence in R&J
But before you made your decision
When the rightful tie comes
Please "think of me"
- Christine Dale in Phantom of the Opera
It's now not about you yourself
I'm included, I hope so
And never regret
Because you're going on a road of no return
Even if you do
And go through to other people
Your heart is forever stained
With my blood of passion
Which now thee only see as
Something of contamination and sinful
Even the angels shall weep for me
Pray not for an answer
But plead for the one you believe
To fetch thy soul away
For a faraway haven
And never seen again
Saturday, September 16, 2006
De one with Just Kill me [Emolings]
Trembling as though poisoned
Just kill me.. i'm no better than a living dead..
I'm really totally exhausted..
Please..Fate, Life, God or Anybody.. don't deprive me, abandoning me.
Just take me away. For once. Take me away...
Just kill me.. i'm no better than a living dead..
I'm really totally exhausted..
Please..Fate, Life, God or Anybody.. don't deprive me, abandoning me.
Just take me away. For once. Take me away...
De one with Cry
Rain stops
I used to be a cry baby. Like all other children, the only weapon a child possess was making use of tears to rouse sympathy, if not, adult's giving in to the unbearable embarrassment or annoyance induced by our crying. Hehe..
As a result, I was very spoiled from young. Every weeping would earn me what I want.
"Tear is King" in our childhood era. Adult era? "Cash is King" lah...
Ok.. let's not digress. Of course, sobbing wasn't only to "cheat" our parent's feelings to gain what we desire. But also to satisfy a part of emotions and pure innocence.
I remembered I cried on this television show depicting the undying love of Mimi Wong, the first woman to be hung in Singapore. Other than that show, I recall I'll weep whenever I hear my mother sniffing, having watched some tragedy on television drama.
A very exclusive and strange behaviour about me was everytime I think of my granny. Tears just flow profusely. Why? I really don't know. Perhaps I just appreciate her tender care. Don't know what will I do if she were to be gone. Perhaps, it might be a stigma because I ws told I cry like hell when I attended kindergarden. Ooops *face glowing red*
Another instance is I'll cry because I can't stand loud noise. I hate it because it habours headaches and a cramping pressure. It wasn't until I joined Bowen Military Band.
During Secondary school days, I traded my naive weepy whinny for a more pragmatic crying because of being defeated and genuine tears of joy. Imagine you work with all your might, heart and soul, the hardwork of being in a team and end up losing/gaining what you aimed to achieve?
It was also that I learnt to bottle my troubles in my heart and start crying in my heart, un-audibly. All thanks to maturity (?)
As the age figure keeps increasing, I cry for a different circumstances..especially crying for different people...
For Love:
I was in JC when I cried for my very first break up. The crisis lasted for 2 years.
At 17, I mourned for my grand-pa.
The worst, a combo of these two occurred when I was 19. My mummy left me from my world. My ex left me from my heart. I felt as if my heart stopped and I was going to cry out blood.
*sob sob*
During NS:
I cried in the night because I missed my family when I was serving BTM in Tekong.
Broke down too when I was failing to perform up to my expectations. Significantly when I was in SISPEC, it was heart-breakingly demoralising.
By the age of 20, I stopped crying much compared to my past. Perhaps I was too numb from all those heart-shattering happenings. I started to cry in my heart more than the past. If not, "word"-sobbing. No, it's definately not because of macho-ism. I wouldn't shed physical tear unless the person or event means so much to me.
I've also learnt, from Ling (played by Lucy Liu) in Ally Mcbeal, to be strong and withhold your tears in front of everybody.. learn to break down only when alone.
Crying is inevitable and undeniable in Life. It carries alot of meaning like art, replacing zillions of words to express the abyss of emotions of joy, mostly remorse.
:)
I used to be a cry baby. Like all other children, the only weapon a child possess was making use of tears to rouse sympathy, if not, adult's giving in to the unbearable embarrassment or annoyance induced by our crying. Hehe..
As a result, I was very spoiled from young. Every weeping would earn me what I want.
"Tear is King" in our childhood era. Adult era? "Cash is King" lah...
Ok.. let's not digress. Of course, sobbing wasn't only to "cheat" our parent's feelings to gain what we desire. But also to satisfy a part of emotions and pure innocence.
I remembered I cried on this television show depicting the undying love of Mimi Wong, the first woman to be hung in Singapore. Other than that show, I recall I'll weep whenever I hear my mother sniffing, having watched some tragedy on television drama.
A very exclusive and strange behaviour about me was everytime I think of my granny. Tears just flow profusely. Why? I really don't know. Perhaps I just appreciate her tender care. Don't know what will I do if she were to be gone. Perhaps, it might be a stigma because I ws told I cry like hell when I attended kindergarden. Ooops *face glowing red*
Another instance is I'll cry because I can't stand loud noise. I hate it because it habours headaches and a cramping pressure. It wasn't until I joined Bowen Military Band.
During Secondary school days, I traded my naive weepy whinny for a more pragmatic crying because of being defeated and genuine tears of joy. Imagine you work with all your might, heart and soul, the hardwork of being in a team and end up losing/gaining what you aimed to achieve?
It was also that I learnt to bottle my troubles in my heart and start crying in my heart, un-audibly. All thanks to maturity (?)
As the age figure keeps increasing, I cry for a different circumstances..especially crying for different people...
For Love:
I was in JC when I cried for my very first break up. The crisis lasted for 2 years.
At 17, I mourned for my grand-pa.
The worst, a combo of these two occurred when I was 19. My mummy left me from my world. My ex left me from my heart. I felt as if my heart stopped and I was going to cry out blood.
*sob sob*
During NS:
I cried in the night because I missed my family when I was serving BTM in Tekong.
Broke down too when I was failing to perform up to my expectations. Significantly when I was in SISPEC, it was heart-breakingly demoralising.
By the age of 20, I stopped crying much compared to my past. Perhaps I was too numb from all those heart-shattering happenings. I started to cry in my heart more than the past. If not, "word"-sobbing. No, it's definately not because of macho-ism. I wouldn't shed physical tear unless the person or event means so much to me.
I've also learnt, from Ling (played by Lucy Liu) in Ally Mcbeal, to be strong and withhold your tears in front of everybody.. learn to break down only when alone.
Crying is inevitable and undeniable in Life. It carries alot of meaning like art, replacing zillions of words to express the abyss of emotions of joy, mostly remorse.
:)
De one with Bottling Up [Emolings]
Time to fill up the bottle in my heart again :)
It was raining loneliness outside. I was cuddling in my quill of the sorrowing cold. Listening and figuring out the lyrics of this Jay Chou song "Ju Hua Tai" [translated Crysanthenum Stage"] from his lastest album "Still Fantasy"
I thought, what about translating the chorus, which I find very poemic and expressively poignant.
"Petals of Crysanthenum..
Scattering misery unto the ground
Your smile faded as if discoloured
The heart breaks as the flower descends
As I hide my troubles in silence
The North wind disorientates
Dusk before dawn
Your shadow undispelled
Prolonging my solitude
Like the surface of the lake
As they merge in resemblance"
Gosh.. unexplainably sometimes when people feels so lost and lonely, i'm sure most of us would find themselves relating to the lyrics.
It was raining loneliness outside. I was cuddling in my quill of the sorrowing cold. Listening and figuring out the lyrics of this Jay Chou song "Ju Hua Tai" [translated Crysanthenum Stage"] from his lastest album "Still Fantasy"
I thought, what about translating the chorus, which I find very poemic and expressively poignant.
"Petals of Crysanthenum..
Scattering misery unto the ground
Your smile faded as if discoloured
The heart breaks as the flower descends
As I hide my troubles in silence
The North wind disorientates
Dusk before dawn
Your shadow undispelled
Prolonging my solitude
Like the surface of the lake
As they merge in resemblance"
Gosh.. unexplainably sometimes when people feels so lost and lonely, i'm sure most of us would find themselves relating to the lyrics.
De one with Extremely Tired Saturday
Rain falling from the Sky all day
Yesterday night, I had supper with Clara at Boon Keng's Mac Donalds. Before even meeting her, I was kinda affected by Sweet's sms that Sweet couldn't meet me for the weekend. Well, disappointed I was as that will mean that we have to postpone our anniversary dinner later. And I really miss Sweet alot.
Nevertheless, I was self-enlightened that I had to be understanding. I should be considerate about Sweet's tireness instead of being selfish and demanding Sweet's lovingness and attention. I wanted to say alot of things to Sweet these few days. Since we've not been meeting, the only way to maintain our bond via our mobile phone. But I refrain myself from tiring Sweet even more with my messages and let Sweet had an early rest.
I was really exhausted today. Just couldn't figure out why I feel so restless today. Nothing happened much since it was raining, lonely boy stayed at home all day and thinking of Sweet all the time. Slept most of the day. Watched "Bourne Supremacy" on vcd. Stupid right? Haha.. Perhaps I'm overly-infected with love-sickness. There were times I ponder is it because I love people too much until they are afraid of loving me.
Sigh... Hmm.. I'm too stress, that's why my thoughts are wandering lost. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just need to learn how to bottle everything up again, that's all...
Yesterday night, I had supper with Clara at Boon Keng's Mac Donalds. Before even meeting her, I was kinda affected by Sweet's sms that Sweet couldn't meet me for the weekend. Well, disappointed I was as that will mean that we have to postpone our anniversary dinner later. And I really miss Sweet alot.
Nevertheless, I was self-enlightened that I had to be understanding. I should be considerate about Sweet's tireness instead of being selfish and demanding Sweet's lovingness and attention. I wanted to say alot of things to Sweet these few days. Since we've not been meeting, the only way to maintain our bond via our mobile phone. But I refrain myself from tiring Sweet even more with my messages and let Sweet had an early rest.
I was really exhausted today. Just couldn't figure out why I feel so restless today. Nothing happened much since it was raining, lonely boy stayed at home all day and thinking of Sweet all the time. Slept most of the day. Watched "Bourne Supremacy" on vcd. Stupid right? Haha.. Perhaps I'm overly-infected with love-sickness. There were times I ponder is it because I love people too much until they are afraid of loving me.
Sigh... Hmm.. I'm too stress, that's why my thoughts are wandering lost. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just need to learn how to bottle everything up again, that's all...
Friday, September 15, 2006
De one with Day After 2nd Monthiversary
Light showers
Today happens to be 1 day after 2nd Monthiversary for Sweet and me.. 2 days after 15 months since my late-mummy departed..
I miss these two people who I hold dearly to my heart...undeniably alot.
As both Sweet and I were busy with our respective commitments, we couldn't meet until this Saturday to celebrate a belated 2nd Monthiversary. Sigh. I was so stressed with my exam preparation yesterday that I didn't realise it was the 14th of the month. It was Sweet who reminded me in an sms when I was on my way to AMK library in the drizzle. I feel so terrible I kept apologising. Anyway, I took time to draw a heart shape made up of "Happy Monthiversary! 140 Love 4eva 706" and mms it to Sweet.
:: Sorry Sweet. Happy Monthiversary.
I've been busy mugging for my mid-semesters exams. Well.. for Econs1016's MCQ test, I got 28/30. Today was demoralising. ACCT2060 paper was really tough. Although I've studied, upon exam, I couldn't recall most of what I've cramped. Sigh. After exam everybody feels so happy. I felt so unintelligent and self-discriminated lor... I used to feel this post-exam disappointment was I was in Jc.. Just little did I realise that the feeling is so instantaneous..
Omg. Anyway, I know it, I didn't do well.
What made the day more worse was my Ipod mini dropped out of my folder in after exam. Fortunately, some kind soul picked it up and handled it to the our lecturer Daniel Tan, who then announced the "Lost and Found" when our accounting lecture resumed after a post-exam short break.
Sweet replied me and consoled me. I was really thankful for that.
What a "screwed-up" day for me. Due to this, I feel so gloomy the whole day. Life's path is so rocky for me. Alot of aspects I've been working hard but I find myself getting a result not as what I've expected. Stress too. Believe it or not, it's drizzling again. It always seemed to drizzle or rain whenever I feel depressed. It didn't take very long before Jay Chou's "Xin Yu" start playing in my head as I start to "stone" again.
After lecture, Guan Hui wanted us to go for lunch and catch a movie. So we end up having lunch at our campus' canteen before watching "Banquet", 2pm at Westmall Eng Wah. It's not a bad show. A show depicting the desire, ambition and crave for power; love.
It stars Zhang Ziyi as the Prince Wu Luan's gf, who end up getting married upon the liking of the Emperor. The Emperor's younger brother assassinated the Emperor to gain his status as Emperor and the current Empress.
In the milst of conspiracy within the court, there are three distinctive love protrayed in the movie: Jealousy and struggling undying pragmatic love (of the Empress for the Prince) Innocent love (of the Grand Advisor's daughter Qing Yu towards the Prince); and genuine affection between the brother and sister.
The ending? Zhang Zi Yi became Emperor as the Prince and sinister Emperor died during the Banquet on an inauspicious date. The rising Phoenix aka Zhang Zi Yi got assassinated. However the assassinator wasn't shown.
Halfway through the movie, Sweet gave me a call. I was overwhelmed with absolute guilt since I didn't message Sweet and update Sweet of my where-abouts (as it's a form of mutual transparency to each other in our relationship). I feel so afraid, will Sweet not tell me where and who Sweet is going out with, next time? Of course, whenever I have doubts whether Sweet will leave me, I keep reminding myself that I should and will trust Sweet.
Besides this, I was afraid will Sweet misinterpret that I am "depreciating" my attitude towards our relationship which I promise I have and will never do so. I'm sweet-loving and faithful.
Sigh. Nowadays I'm so cautious about my words and expression. I just don't want Sweet to feel that I'm starting my "depression" and quarrel-inducing demerits. Mentally stressed and emotionally-fragile and insecured, I really need lots and lots of support and love. Sigh. Exam sucks.
Today happens to be 1 day after 2nd Monthiversary for Sweet and me.. 2 days after 15 months since my late-mummy departed..
I miss these two people who I hold dearly to my heart...undeniably alot.
As both Sweet and I were busy with our respective commitments, we couldn't meet until this Saturday to celebrate a belated 2nd Monthiversary. Sigh. I was so stressed with my exam preparation yesterday that I didn't realise it was the 14th of the month. It was Sweet who reminded me in an sms when I was on my way to AMK library in the drizzle. I feel so terrible I kept apologising. Anyway, I took time to draw a heart shape made up of "Happy Monthiversary! 140 Love 4eva 706" and mms it to Sweet.
:: Sorry Sweet. Happy Monthiversary.
I've been busy mugging for my mid-semesters exams. Well.. for Econs1016's MCQ test, I got 28/30. Today was demoralising. ACCT2060 paper was really tough. Although I've studied, upon exam, I couldn't recall most of what I've cramped. Sigh. After exam everybody feels so happy. I felt so unintelligent and self-discriminated lor... I used to feel this post-exam disappointment was I was in Jc.. Just little did I realise that the feeling is so instantaneous..
Omg. Anyway, I know it, I didn't do well.
What made the day more worse was my Ipod mini dropped out of my folder in after exam. Fortunately, some kind soul picked it up and handled it to the our lecturer Daniel Tan, who then announced the "Lost and Found" when our accounting lecture resumed after a post-exam short break.
Sweet replied me and consoled me. I was really thankful for that.
What a "screwed-up" day for me. Due to this, I feel so gloomy the whole day. Life's path is so rocky for me. Alot of aspects I've been working hard but I find myself getting a result not as what I've expected. Stress too. Believe it or not, it's drizzling again. It always seemed to drizzle or rain whenever I feel depressed. It didn't take very long before Jay Chou's "Xin Yu" start playing in my head as I start to "stone" again.
After lecture, Guan Hui wanted us to go for lunch and catch a movie. So we end up having lunch at our campus' canteen before watching "Banquet", 2pm at Westmall Eng Wah. It's not a bad show. A show depicting the desire, ambition and crave for power; love.
It stars Zhang Ziyi as the Prince Wu Luan's gf, who end up getting married upon the liking of the Emperor. The Emperor's younger brother assassinated the Emperor to gain his status as Emperor and the current Empress.
In the milst of conspiracy within the court, there are three distinctive love protrayed in the movie: Jealousy and struggling undying pragmatic love (of the Empress for the Prince) Innocent love (of the Grand Advisor's daughter Qing Yu towards the Prince); and genuine affection between the brother and sister.
The ending? Zhang Zi Yi became Emperor as the Prince and sinister Emperor died during the Banquet on an inauspicious date. The rising Phoenix aka Zhang Zi Yi got assassinated. However the assassinator wasn't shown.
Halfway through the movie, Sweet gave me a call. I was overwhelmed with absolute guilt since I didn't message Sweet and update Sweet of my where-abouts (as it's a form of mutual transparency to each other in our relationship). I feel so afraid, will Sweet not tell me where and who Sweet is going out with, next time? Of course, whenever I have doubts whether Sweet will leave me, I keep reminding myself that I should and will trust Sweet.
Besides this, I was afraid will Sweet misinterpret that I am "depreciating" my attitude towards our relationship which I promise I have and will never do so. I'm sweet-loving and faithful.
Sigh. Nowadays I'm so cautious about my words and expression. I just don't want Sweet to feel that I'm starting my "depression" and quarrel-inducing demerits. Mentally stressed and emotionally-fragile and insecured, I really need lots and lots of support and love. Sigh. Exam sucks.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
De one with A Metaphor Expression
Sweet
If our relationship is an examination paper
And you're the subject or module
It's really gonna be highly unpredictable for me to get a distinction
Because your syllabus is ever changing
I may have come for exam with a totally different knowledge
Each time I sit for the examination
Instructions are ever-changing that I'll never get to anticipate it right
Except I'm in luck by chance
Different attempts at it requires to be answered
in different language, answering style &
even undetermined type of written material (pen/marker/projector writer/pencil)
and various colour of ink permitted for use
Some attempts I am so lost,
I leave a blank (when I keep quiet),
I'll get an immediate "zero"
Sometimes the print is not clear (whenever you hardly being loving to me)
I get sad and insecure
because I am afraid of failing
When I fail (when I do/say things that made u angry)
I have to do "corrections" (reviewing after calming down)
Then I'll realise how stupid, regretful I am
For making the mistake
When I fail badly,
I feel ultimately depressed.
When you're so easy to pass,
I scored high-spiritedly!
Yet I can't drop this subject/modue (I can't break up with you)
Because it's mandatory once I've take it
Otherwise, I wouldn't graduate
It is how unassuming the examination and module can be
That's why I'm worried most of the time
whether I'll even achieve a pass...
If our relationship is an examination paper
And you're the subject or module
It's really gonna be highly unpredictable for me to get a distinction
Because your syllabus is ever changing
I may have come for exam with a totally different knowledge
Each time I sit for the examination
Instructions are ever-changing that I'll never get to anticipate it right
Except I'm in luck by chance
Different attempts at it requires to be answered
in different language, answering style &
even undetermined type of written material (pen/marker/projector writer/pencil)
and various colour of ink permitted for use
Some attempts I am so lost,
I leave a blank (when I keep quiet),
I'll get an immediate "zero"
Sometimes the print is not clear (whenever you hardly being loving to me)
I get sad and insecure
because I am afraid of failing
When I fail (when I do/say things that made u angry)
I have to do "corrections" (reviewing after calming down)
Then I'll realise how stupid, regretful I am
For making the mistake
When I fail badly,
I feel ultimately depressed.
When you're so easy to pass,
I scored high-spiritedly!
Yet I can't drop this subject/modue (I can't break up with you)
Because it's mandatory once I've take it
Otherwise, I wouldn't graduate
It is how unassuming the examination and module can be
That's why I'm worried most of the time
whether I'll even achieve a pass...
De one with I've Lost It [Emolings]
Silent twilight
I feel so helpless. I'm really unsure of self-control. Feels terrible.
I swore I'll never cry for anybody else anymore..however, it's really hurtful inside.. I feel as if I've lost control of your attention for me.. As if I'm a toy discarded into one of your "organising box" and soon-to-be-forgotten by you, Sweet...
I happened to be reading all the past sms-es which Sweet sent me. I was so touched to tears. Nearly 2 months ago, Sweet never fails to message me daily..every now and then, as if I'm so indispensible in Sweet's life. In all the sms, Sweet impressed and made me feel so important to Sweet.
Alot of people would agree.. similar to my own experience that things fade.. love and feelings fades too over time? I know, if I ask Sweet, Sweet will just rebut me, saying "if you keep looking back, you'll never move on"...
Sigh..
It's really a great difference. It's undeniable for me to feel I'm suddenly "de-valued" in the heart -positioning of Sweet. Pardon me but all the eroding actions tells me so..
I tried very hard..*sobs*..to block all these but it's just so obvious.. It's becoming more and more difficult..
Perhaps Sweet's distracted.. I really don't know. I'm afraid to say, otherwise Sweet will just slap me with saying I'm not trusting and doubting Sweet.
Don't you see..you've changed.. I really don't know how to express it but everything's becoming distanc-ing from me.. I really can't help feeling insecure..
Yet i'm really afraid to say it to you because you'll just get annoyed that I'm just another person sticking to you. Which I never. I just want very much..things to be the same sweet and passionate. Without having you to doubt me, argue with me, mis-understanding and/or ill-thinking that I'm being unreasonable, giving you nonsense or being demanding and imposing my expression of love, relationship on you. Thereby making you feel oppressed and withdrawn from me.
The worst will be you just simply saying you want me to give up since I can't accept whatever you changed to as you deemed yourself to be. It's plainly an insult everytime you label me as someone who you can simply have no feelings and offer me choices to stay or leave you.
You know that I'm not able to give up..I've always find it awfully miserable to let go...
Sigh..
Perhaps is it because of my grave mistake? my concerns which is perceived to be a dreadful negativity or pessimistism that made you became this way.. It's been since then you started to disregard me as a lover-you-can't-do-without-with and start to flare at me.. and the "stigma"
Perhaps I'm really not that important in your life?
Or perhaps (this may be the most pragmatic reason) that you're too tired with your life again...
I really really really really really really miss the old ever-concerning, loving, more accomodating Sweet who seems to want, need and ethusiastically love me more than anything else for the moment (which you never seemed to want it to end)..
I can't cry (I'll be crazy if I smile now).. I can't break up (I love you so dearly).. I can't deny this awareness (because it's evident.. and I knew we were so much happier then..that we didn't even quarrel back then simply due to our commitment to laughter and love).. I'm really devasted when I find myself running out of choices..
Sorry. I just don't like things to deteriorate.. If it's me to blame for your behaviour now.. I didn't mean it to be.. How I wish I have the ability to turn back time.
Then again.. I'm not going to board over it. This feeling and realisation are just like a passing shower..
As the saying goes
"Do unto others what you would have them do unto you"
Sweet..i'm in continual to love you. Despite whatever or how undesirable or unsatisfying you treated me, my love has only increase or remained the same as ever. I'm trying my best to curb with my vocalness and comfortability being with you. Of course, in doing so, I've caused some disappointment and unhappiness to you. I'm trying.. I've never stopped..
That's why I treasure you.. I chase after you whenever you walk off in anger..
That's also why.. I braved this entry online..
All in all, I am not demanding or expecting you to grant me more.. but let's work this out to revive our "honeymood period" and make it day to day, anniversary to anniversary..
I feel so helpless. I'm really unsure of self-control. Feels terrible.
I swore I'll never cry for anybody else anymore..however, it's really hurtful inside.. I feel as if I've lost control of your attention for me.. As if I'm a toy discarded into one of your "organising box" and soon-to-be-forgotten by you, Sweet...
I happened to be reading all the past sms-es which Sweet sent me. I was so touched to tears. Nearly 2 months ago, Sweet never fails to message me daily..every now and then, as if I'm so indispensible in Sweet's life. In all the sms, Sweet impressed and made me feel so important to Sweet.
Alot of people would agree.. similar to my own experience that things fade.. love and feelings fades too over time? I know, if I ask Sweet, Sweet will just rebut me, saying "if you keep looking back, you'll never move on"...
Sigh..
It's really a great difference. It's undeniable for me to feel I'm suddenly "de-valued" in the heart -positioning of Sweet. Pardon me but all the eroding actions tells me so..
I tried very hard..*sobs*..to block all these but it's just so obvious.. It's becoming more and more difficult..
Perhaps Sweet's distracted.. I really don't know. I'm afraid to say, otherwise Sweet will just slap me with saying I'm not trusting and doubting Sweet.
Don't you see..you've changed.. I really don't know how to express it but everything's becoming distanc-ing from me.. I really can't help feeling insecure..
Yet i'm really afraid to say it to you because you'll just get annoyed that I'm just another person sticking to you. Which I never. I just want very much..things to be the same sweet and passionate. Without having you to doubt me, argue with me, mis-understanding and/or ill-thinking that I'm being unreasonable, giving you nonsense or being demanding and imposing my expression of love, relationship on you. Thereby making you feel oppressed and withdrawn from me.
The worst will be you just simply saying you want me to give up since I can't accept whatever you changed to as you deemed yourself to be. It's plainly an insult everytime you label me as someone who you can simply have no feelings and offer me choices to stay or leave you.
You know that I'm not able to give up..I've always find it awfully miserable to let go...
Sigh..
Perhaps is it because of my grave mistake? my concerns which is perceived to be a dreadful negativity or pessimistism that made you became this way.. It's been since then you started to disregard me as a lover-you-can't-do-without-with and start to flare at me.. and the "stigma"
Perhaps I'm really not that important in your life?
Or perhaps (this may be the most pragmatic reason) that you're too tired with your life again...
I really really really really really really miss the old ever-concerning, loving, more accomodating Sweet who seems to want, need and ethusiastically love me more than anything else for the moment (which you never seemed to want it to end)..
I can't cry (I'll be crazy if I smile now).. I can't break up (I love you so dearly).. I can't deny this awareness (because it's evident.. and I knew we were so much happier then..that we didn't even quarrel back then simply due to our commitment to laughter and love).. I'm really devasted when I find myself running out of choices..
Sorry. I just don't like things to deteriorate.. If it's me to blame for your behaviour now.. I didn't mean it to be.. How I wish I have the ability to turn back time.
Then again.. I'm not going to board over it. This feeling and realisation are just like a passing shower..
As the saying goes
"Do unto others what you would have them do unto you"
Sweet..i'm in continual to love you. Despite whatever or how undesirable or unsatisfying you treated me, my love has only increase or remained the same as ever. I'm trying my best to curb with my vocalness and comfortability being with you. Of course, in doing so, I've caused some disappointment and unhappiness to you. I'm trying.. I've never stopped..
That's why I treasure you.. I chase after you whenever you walk off in anger..
That's also why.. I braved this entry online..
All in all, I am not demanding or expecting you to grant me more.. but let's work this out to revive our "honeymood period" and make it day to day, anniversary to anniversary..
Sunday, September 10, 2006
De one with Still... (color-coded edition)
Doubts, argument, regret and tears from de heart
Two days in a day's weather...
Friday everything was good. Skipped half day of lecture just to be with Sweet. It's irrational but it's an urge to spend more time. A gateaway...with Sweet. Went sun bathing. Everything was like a typical sunny day to begin with.
Afternoon, we went to Westmall do lunch at Mayim. I got my idol's lastest CD. "Still Fantasy". I was supposed to be overjoyed. I was. However, Sweet spoil it all, asking whether is it neccessary to listen to the newly bought cd after having importing the songs into my ipod mini.
:: Funny.. Everytime I'm sad, I'll feel better after listening to Jay Chou's songs. However now... today.. haiz.
Though night came, it feels like calming late-afternoon. We had a simple dinner at Ang Mo Kio Central's hawker. Went home to have a lovely night together.
The next day, though the sun shined all day.. the entire day feels like night time. Early morning I was doubtful. Sweet and I had an argument. In which Sweet really said something very hurting. At the instant, I learnt something for that moment. Gracefully, I was brave enough to let Sweet go...instead of holding on to Sweet like a child refusing to let go of his toy..
Of course, we didn't go seperate ways. Went to Suntec for lunch at Sizzler. Fruit Salad and grilled Dory Fish. After that, went to see joit-stick incense at Fu Lu Shou Building before proceeding to Capitol.
Went Funan Centre to walk around and shop for a folder casing for my lappy. In vain, both of us decided to have a resting stop at TCC.
Took 2 buses for prayers at the Thai temple at Bukit Merah. This time round, I really prayed to the 4-faced Deva wholeheartedly. Inside my heart, I was crying out.. for the Great Brahma to cure me of my obsessive pocessiveness, pessimistism. It was the very first time, I made a donation, in hope of making my prayers valid. That moment, I was really overwhelmed with helplessness and desperation for my imperfectness and any immoral deeds and thoughts.
Watched Singapore Dreaming at Westmall. It was a close-to-hearts for most adult Singaporeans. It presents the pragmatism "dreams and desire" in our life: Wealth, Material wants, status and acedemic achievement. It features how we cope with our adversaries and in times of bad, especially the emotional and pyschological impact the unexpectable departure of our loved ones. I was shakened by the scenes of the customs and rituals depicted. It beared so much resemblance that I couldn't help shedding tears from de heart. Of course, I was holding my tears again.
On my way home, I got something rid from my chest to Sweet.... we had an argument. The storm begin. I lost my rationality and did something which I didn't want to: I went down to Sweet's house..to clear things up..which was really foolish. I really regret my grave mistake and incontrollable act of foolishness...
I always feel whatever I do, it's always as if i'm responsible for others, especially the one I love alot. As a result, indirectly, I feel so committed, I end up doing things or saying things which only hurts the relationship. I always feel inadequate about myself. Like no matter how much I do is never enough. I break down alot of times. I love to cry. Especially so, silently.
Nobody knows how miserable I feel inside because I never shed a tear nor express it on my facial appearance...
It's suffocating. As if I'm in an unlimited debt to love and the person who I hold so dearly to my heart. Everytime I quarrel or get screwed by Sweet, I feel utterly insecure. It's so fearful. As if if I let go, it will be as though someone slicing off a large piece of my heart. What's left of me is profused flooding blood of despair..which will never end..
It's me, not you, who don't know how to love a person geuinely..again..
:: Great..what a big loser I am..Yesterday made Sweet angry.. early morning, ah-ma is showing her displease over me leaving the house in the middle of the night without telling her.. I'm better off dead..
Two days in a day's weather...
Friday everything was good. Skipped half day of lecture just to be with Sweet. It's irrational but it's an urge to spend more time. A gateaway...with Sweet. Went sun bathing. Everything was like a typical sunny day to begin with.
Afternoon, we went to Westmall do lunch at Mayim. I got my idol's lastest CD. "Still Fantasy". I was supposed to be overjoyed. I was. However, Sweet spoil it all, asking whether is it neccessary to listen to the newly bought cd after having importing the songs into my ipod mini.
:: Funny.. Everytime I'm sad, I'll feel better after listening to Jay Chou's songs. However now... today.. haiz.
Though night came, it feels like calming late-afternoon. We had a simple dinner at Ang Mo Kio Central's hawker. Went home to have a lovely night together.
The next day, though the sun shined all day.. the entire day feels like night time. Early morning I was doubtful. Sweet and I had an argument. In which Sweet really said something very hurting. At the instant, I learnt something for that moment. Gracefully, I was brave enough to let Sweet go...instead of holding on to Sweet like a child refusing to let go of his toy..
Of course, we didn't go seperate ways. Went to Suntec for lunch at Sizzler. Fruit Salad and grilled Dory Fish. After that, went to see joit-stick incense at Fu Lu Shou Building before proceeding to Capitol.
Went Funan Centre to walk around and shop for a folder casing for my lappy. In vain, both of us decided to have a resting stop at TCC.
Took 2 buses for prayers at the Thai temple at Bukit Merah. This time round, I really prayed to the 4-faced Deva wholeheartedly. Inside my heart, I was crying out.. for the Great Brahma to cure me of my obsessive pocessiveness, pessimistism. It was the very first time, I made a donation, in hope of making my prayers valid. That moment, I was really overwhelmed with helplessness and desperation for my imperfectness and any immoral deeds and thoughts.
Watched Singapore Dreaming at Westmall. It was a close-to-hearts for most adult Singaporeans. It presents the pragmatism "dreams and desire" in our life: Wealth, Material wants, status and acedemic achievement. It features how we cope with our adversaries and in times of bad, especially the emotional and pyschological impact the unexpectable departure of our loved ones. I was shakened by the scenes of the customs and rituals depicted. It beared so much resemblance that I couldn't help shedding tears from de heart. Of course, I was holding my tears again.
On my way home, I got something rid from my chest to Sweet.... we had an argument. The storm begin. I lost my rationality and did something which I didn't want to: I went down to Sweet's house..to clear things up..which was really foolish. I really regret my grave mistake and incontrollable act of foolishness...
I always feel whatever I do, it's always as if i'm responsible for others, especially the one I love alot. As a result, indirectly, I feel so committed, I end up doing things or saying things which only hurts the relationship. I always feel inadequate about myself. Like no matter how much I do is never enough. I break down alot of times. I love to cry. Especially so, silently.
Nobody knows how miserable I feel inside because I never shed a tear nor express it on my facial appearance...
It's suffocating. As if I'm in an unlimited debt to love and the person who I hold so dearly to my heart. Everytime I quarrel or get screwed by Sweet, I feel utterly insecure. It's so fearful. As if if I let go, it will be as though someone slicing off a large piece of my heart. What's left of me is profused flooding blood of despair..which will never end..
It's me, not you, who don't know how to love a person geuinely..again..
:: Great..what a big loser I am..Yesterday made Sweet angry.. early morning, ah-ma is showing her displease over me leaving the house in the middle of the night without telling her.. I'm better off dead..
Thursday, September 07, 2006
De one with The After-life
Foggy Thursday morning
I believe most of us will never have an accurate answer to what happens in the after-life. To expand the discussion more.. let's ask ourselves even further what will we feel, see, hear or feel in that instant before we take our last breath on Earth.
From young, heavily subjected to media influence, all our "answers" to the after-life were manipulated or in a nicer term, "cultivated" us to have this common innocent perception that the after-life is all about going to heaven or hell. Of course, that goes without saying, if the entire actions and deeds done in tht lifetime of the person, in account of his character, would justify and determine his/her spirit to be dedicated to whichever realm.
No offence however, it's rather amusing why people tend to describe less of heaven but more of hell. Can't get what i'm saying? People usually give a very vid description about Heaven, as a place where there's endless pleasure, freedom and ever good life. Comically ironical, people tend to give more details of Hell.. as a place deemed to be utterly undesirable; a dreadful place of monsters, evil and forever darkness; a place of unspeakable torture and destruction. Perhaps one reason is to create the fear and trick young people to do less evil deeds bah!
My own perception of heaven and hell was greatly influenced by Chinese shows shown on television. Hell was rule by the Taoism Hell Lord. What left deep impression were the existence of the rippers "niu tou ma mian" and the 18 levels of Hell. It's really frightening. From young, I used to have a series of the same nightmare, of being chased after by these two rippers, one with the head of a buffelo and the other, the face of a stallion. As for the 18 levels of Hell, it always sends a chilling shiver whenever I got exposed to it. It shows the consequence of doing too much unforgivable evil and naughtiness of an after-life. Omg!
Heaven on the other hand, was a place of peace and it's where, I think, the Gods are living. It's a place where you're expected to see people flying around. What an naive thinking!
As I've grown older, I my prespective of the after-life changed greatly. Having read Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morris, it deeply altered my impressions. That the after-life isn't about the end of a life but the beginning of another stage in life. That it's continuous. Even before reading the book, I've always wondered why the Black people in Alabama times, never grief but celebrate the death of a person in the community. It means freedom for these departed souls who were slaves when alive.
Recently, Sweet presented me with Buddhism approach that the after-life is nothing but a wave-length or frequency that is transferred over and over again. That the source of life is eternal, only the medium (the body form) is temporary. Personally, I feel this approach has similar properties as reincarnation. That the after-life will be the repeating of a life cycle. A person dies at one point in time. At this very same point in time, another life is born aka reincarnated life of that which has just ended. In layman term, it's like passing the baton in a never-ending race.
However, what have not changed about my prespective about the after-life is that humans never escape the judgement of our deeds. Or Karma in the sense of Buddhism. In addition, the idea of Hell and Heaven or another place which the departed soul temporarily exist, still remains.. perhaps in memory of my childishness. Oops.
Those who have read Mitch Albom's "5 People You meet in Heaven" wouldn't agree less that in that instance of death, everything in life becomes clear before you. Your whole life would be presented before you in that mere spark of seconds. That you're enlightened with the Truth and understanding about everything that happened in your life. It's hard to believe but well.. what's more practical for my personal view is that...
It's greatly common that you will feel some regrets that there's so much things which you want to do but you've reached your limit in life. It's the moment you discovered you have no shame or embarrassment in admitting to your grave mistakes. It's the moment in life which you'll have someone to shed a tear for you, realising how deeply they love you and recognising your existence and giving their fullest attention to you.
At this moment what will you see? Some will say you'll see a light which guides your soul to wherever you're supposed to go. Well.. I think one think for certain is you'll see total darkness, hear and feel nothing at the instant you depart.
Wuao..so much for discussing the afterlife in the morning!
I believe most of us will never have an accurate answer to what happens in the after-life. To expand the discussion more.. let's ask ourselves even further what will we feel, see, hear or feel in that instant before we take our last breath on Earth.
From young, heavily subjected to media influence, all our "answers" to the after-life were manipulated or in a nicer term, "cultivated" us to have this common innocent perception that the after-life is all about going to heaven or hell. Of course, that goes without saying, if the entire actions and deeds done in tht lifetime of the person, in account of his character, would justify and determine his/her spirit to be dedicated to whichever realm.
No offence however, it's rather amusing why people tend to describe less of heaven but more of hell. Can't get what i'm saying? People usually give a very vid description about Heaven, as a place where there's endless pleasure, freedom and ever good life. Comically ironical, people tend to give more details of Hell.. as a place deemed to be utterly undesirable; a dreadful place of monsters, evil and forever darkness; a place of unspeakable torture and destruction. Perhaps one reason is to create the fear and trick young people to do less evil deeds bah!
My own perception of heaven and hell was greatly influenced by Chinese shows shown on television. Hell was rule by the Taoism Hell Lord. What left deep impression were the existence of the rippers "niu tou ma mian" and the 18 levels of Hell. It's really frightening. From young, I used to have a series of the same nightmare, of being chased after by these two rippers, one with the head of a buffelo and the other, the face of a stallion. As for the 18 levels of Hell, it always sends a chilling shiver whenever I got exposed to it. It shows the consequence of doing too much unforgivable evil and naughtiness of an after-life. Omg!
Heaven on the other hand, was a place of peace and it's where, I think, the Gods are living. It's a place where you're expected to see people flying around. What an naive thinking!
As I've grown older, I my prespective of the after-life changed greatly. Having read Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morris, it deeply altered my impressions. That the after-life isn't about the end of a life but the beginning of another stage in life. That it's continuous. Even before reading the book, I've always wondered why the Black people in Alabama times, never grief but celebrate the death of a person in the community. It means freedom for these departed souls who were slaves when alive.
Recently, Sweet presented me with Buddhism approach that the after-life is nothing but a wave-length or frequency that is transferred over and over again. That the source of life is eternal, only the medium (the body form) is temporary. Personally, I feel this approach has similar properties as reincarnation. That the after-life will be the repeating of a life cycle. A person dies at one point in time. At this very same point in time, another life is born aka reincarnated life of that which has just ended. In layman term, it's like passing the baton in a never-ending race.
However, what have not changed about my prespective about the after-life is that humans never escape the judgement of our deeds. Or Karma in the sense of Buddhism. In addition, the idea of Hell and Heaven or another place which the departed soul temporarily exist, still remains.. perhaps in memory of my childishness. Oops.
Those who have read Mitch Albom's "5 People You meet in Heaven" wouldn't agree less that in that instance of death, everything in life becomes clear before you. Your whole life would be presented before you in that mere spark of seconds. That you're enlightened with the Truth and understanding about everything that happened in your life. It's hard to believe but well.. what's more practical for my personal view is that...
It's greatly common that you will feel some regrets that there's so much things which you want to do but you've reached your limit in life. It's the moment you discovered you have no shame or embarrassment in admitting to your grave mistakes. It's the moment in life which you'll have someone to shed a tear for you, realising how deeply they love you and recognising your existence and giving their fullest attention to you.
At this moment what will you see? Some will say you'll see a light which guides your soul to wherever you're supposed to go. Well.. I think one think for certain is you'll see total darkness, hear and feel nothing at the instant you depart.
Wuao..so much for discussing the afterlife in the morning!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
De one with After so Long
Sunny day
Today Marcoeconomics lecture was postponed to Friday..looks like it's gonna be a tough long day on Friday! I went jogging in the morning.
First thing first which surprised me was Sweet calling me to tell me that Sweet's taking the day off. I was atonished but recovered happy that we're finally meeting each other once again!
We spent some quality time at my house before enjoying a buffet lunch at Sakae J8. Sweet was down with flu, thereby everything became unsatisfying tasty for Sweet. Well.. we did manage to get our STUDENT RATE for the buffet..that was something to be glad about!
We then proceed to Yishun for a movie. Monster House. Pretty disappointing Pixel Production. Sweet find that it's lame. I couldn't agree more. Well.. but it's the accompany which made it worthwhile. One funny thing happened today in the cinema. You see, both of us requested for a seat in the back row. "T" was the last row. Apparantly when we got our seating tickets, we realised a family sat mistakenably in our seats. So we choose to sit on the other stall of sits. It was pretty nerve-griping. Even when the show started, everytime we see audiences making their way up near our row, we get so uptight and alert whether we might be just siting in their seats. Hehe!
We then went to Westmall for Sweet's collection of Sweet's newly made spectacles. Rather nice but I thought the side frames were too thick and that the shape of the specs made Sweet's face more "V". Sweet kept complaining the lenses were too thick when I thought it doesn't really matter and it can't be helped. Just needs some getting used to. Omg.
I was yearning for dim sum snacks.. Sweet suggested we went to Meiya to eat. We only got to know that their dim sum serving timing was over after having queued a long time for our turn. No choice, we end up eating full-meal dinner: Hor Fun with egg, prawns and leek, Black pepper "dear" meat (since they didn't have Ostrich meat as stated in their menu), 'Healthy' vegatable (spinach, Japanese green peas, mushroom and tomato), Sweet's lovely soup boiled with chicken, mushroom and bamboo pines.. to pamper our thrist, we had Crysanthenum tea. Nice!
We walk walk around Westmall after a $36+ dinner.. Sweet got a pair of slippers. Then we balay kampong.
It's a really enjoyable day after so long since we've met up to spend some quality lover time together. I feel so blissed and happier.
Today Marcoeconomics lecture was postponed to Friday..looks like it's gonna be a tough long day on Friday! I went jogging in the morning.
First thing first which surprised me was Sweet calling me to tell me that Sweet's taking the day off. I was atonished but recovered happy that we're finally meeting each other once again!
We spent some quality time at my house before enjoying a buffet lunch at Sakae J8. Sweet was down with flu, thereby everything became unsatisfying tasty for Sweet. Well.. we did manage to get our STUDENT RATE for the buffet..that was something to be glad about!
We then proceed to Yishun for a movie. Monster House. Pretty disappointing Pixel Production. Sweet find that it's lame. I couldn't agree more. Well.. but it's the accompany which made it worthwhile. One funny thing happened today in the cinema. You see, both of us requested for a seat in the back row. "T" was the last row. Apparantly when we got our seating tickets, we realised a family sat mistakenably in our seats. So we choose to sit on the other stall of sits. It was pretty nerve-griping. Even when the show started, everytime we see audiences making their way up near our row, we get so uptight and alert whether we might be just siting in their seats. Hehe!
We then went to Westmall for Sweet's collection of Sweet's newly made spectacles. Rather nice but I thought the side frames were too thick and that the shape of the specs made Sweet's face more "V". Sweet kept complaining the lenses were too thick when I thought it doesn't really matter and it can't be helped. Just needs some getting used to. Omg.
I was yearning for dim sum snacks.. Sweet suggested we went to Meiya to eat. We only got to know that their dim sum serving timing was over after having queued a long time for our turn. No choice, we end up eating full-meal dinner: Hor Fun with egg, prawns and leek, Black pepper "dear" meat (since they didn't have Ostrich meat as stated in their menu), 'Healthy' vegatable (spinach, Japanese green peas, mushroom and tomato), Sweet's lovely soup boiled with chicken, mushroom and bamboo pines.. to pamper our thrist, we had Crysanthenum tea. Nice!
We walk walk around Westmall after a $36+ dinner.. Sweet got a pair of slippers. Then we balay kampong.
It's a really enjoyable day after so long since we've met up to spend some quality lover time together. I feel so blissed and happier.
Monday, September 04, 2006
De one with Rain
Getting better-day
It just gets better. Sweet and I are back to our loving days. Although we haven't met for nearing 2 weeks.. our sms conversation is getting better and enhanced with sweetness. Oooh.. boy.. I'm floating head over heels.
Well.. I spend sometime watching my newly bought Jap anime Bleach! It's was so excitingly addictive that ah-ma, Mama, Jimson and I finished viewing the entire 5-dics Volume One.
Hehe.. well..i'm getting used to viewing it in Madarin language. Pretty cool.. until the 2nd last episode, talking about Ichigo Kurosaki's past of losing his beloved mother during a rainning night on June 17. How he blames himself for being the cause of his mother's death.. somehow.. it kinda relates to me..
Anyway, I manged to completed 2/3 of my macroeconomics. However, gotta work abit on my accountancy. Currently, I'm still stuck at Chapter 2. It's pretty messy because I've to study and extract my own notes from my saturated textbook. Not to worry, thank goodness, everything's under control. A disappointing thing was I wasn't very confident with whatever I've studied even though I've put in alot of effort and hardwork. Hmm.. perhaps I need to be more focus bah..
To exercise off whatever fatty food I've ate yesterday, I decided to go jogging. Sigh..not much result but well.. I got caught in the rain. It's really SHIOK! It definately brings back alot of memories..good and bad.. well.. it's a great nostalgic feeling to be in the puring rain...
I recalled I started loving being in the rain during secondary school life because we used to practise "formation" rain or shine at our school field. For the sake of clinching a Gold award and the "Best display band of the year" award, we practised every recess during morning and afternoon since the school operates on two shifts. Upper secondary in the morning. Lower secondary in the afternoon. I recalled when it's raining heavily, our "botak" field would become muddy. Thus, we will take off our white canvas shoes and march with our bare feets and rolled up long school pants. No doubt the squashy feeling of marching in the mud, occassional slip and fall, the splattering of liquid mud, our uniforms drenched in the downpour were all uncomfortable and "dirty".. the "heart and soul" unity of the band and our pride overcomed against these odds. It was simply a memorable moment in the rain.
As many lovers would agree, walking in the rain with our loved ones is one of the most romantic events in our life. It's the chance to cuddle close with our love one under the same small umbrella. It's the chance to show how much you care for your partner that you want him or her to be sheltered from the rain. It's about the fun in running through the rain in seek of shelter if you forget to bring your umbrella.
Romantic was one thing. Being in the rain alone, waiting for a love that will never come back, is really sad. I recalled once I went to my ex's house only to be disappionted that my ex didn't wish to see me. I end up walking to the nearest busstop, in the pouring cold rain with a tearing heart. Undeniably, it felt terribly miserable and desolated.
Regarding rainy days.. people would agree that it's the best weather to laze in bed. For army recruits means "CAT 1"!! No activities, slack in Bunk!! Others are demoralised as the rain distrupt their wonderful plans. For me, last year, when my late mummy was called home by God, it was also raining.. Only difference I wasn't under the rain. Nevertheless, the rainy weather marked a different significance in my life. It occurred to me then that perhaps Heaven's weeping for her death bah..
Strange thing..whenever i feel sad.. it will start to rain.
Recently, amazingly, everytime Sweet suggest going for prayers at the temple. It will rain. Hehe...
Certainly, everyone has their own prespective, personal interpretation and unforgettable moments with being in the rain or during a rainy day. For me.. it means a great deal of my past and present.. Sigh. Sounds so crappy..hehe.. Omg I'm running out on how to do my conclusion..hehe Sumimasen (Sorry in Jap)
It just gets better. Sweet and I are back to our loving days. Although we haven't met for nearing 2 weeks.. our sms conversation is getting better and enhanced with sweetness. Oooh.. boy.. I'm floating head over heels.
Well.. I spend sometime watching my newly bought Jap anime Bleach! It's was so excitingly addictive that ah-ma, Mama, Jimson and I finished viewing the entire 5-dics Volume One.
Hehe.. well..i'm getting used to viewing it in Madarin language. Pretty cool.. until the 2nd last episode, talking about Ichigo Kurosaki's past of losing his beloved mother during a rainning night on June 17. How he blames himself for being the cause of his mother's death.. somehow.. it kinda relates to me..
Anyway, I manged to completed 2/3 of my macroeconomics. However, gotta work abit on my accountancy. Currently, I'm still stuck at Chapter 2. It's pretty messy because I've to study and extract my own notes from my saturated textbook. Not to worry, thank goodness, everything's under control. A disappointing thing was I wasn't very confident with whatever I've studied even though I've put in alot of effort and hardwork. Hmm.. perhaps I need to be more focus bah..
To exercise off whatever fatty food I've ate yesterday, I decided to go jogging. Sigh..not much result but well.. I got caught in the rain. It's really SHIOK! It definately brings back alot of memories..good and bad.. well.. it's a great nostalgic feeling to be in the puring rain...
I recalled I started loving being in the rain during secondary school life because we used to practise "formation" rain or shine at our school field. For the sake of clinching a Gold award and the "Best display band of the year" award, we practised every recess during morning and afternoon since the school operates on two shifts. Upper secondary in the morning. Lower secondary in the afternoon. I recalled when it's raining heavily, our "botak" field would become muddy. Thus, we will take off our white canvas shoes and march with our bare feets and rolled up long school pants. No doubt the squashy feeling of marching in the mud, occassional slip and fall, the splattering of liquid mud, our uniforms drenched in the downpour were all uncomfortable and "dirty".. the "heart and soul" unity of the band and our pride overcomed against these odds. It was simply a memorable moment in the rain.
As many lovers would agree, walking in the rain with our loved ones is one of the most romantic events in our life. It's the chance to cuddle close with our love one under the same small umbrella. It's the chance to show how much you care for your partner that you want him or her to be sheltered from the rain. It's about the fun in running through the rain in seek of shelter if you forget to bring your umbrella.
Romantic was one thing. Being in the rain alone, waiting for a love that will never come back, is really sad. I recalled once I went to my ex's house only to be disappionted that my ex didn't wish to see me. I end up walking to the nearest busstop, in the pouring cold rain with a tearing heart. Undeniably, it felt terribly miserable and desolated.
Regarding rainy days.. people would agree that it's the best weather to laze in bed. For army recruits means "CAT 1"!! No activities, slack in Bunk!! Others are demoralised as the rain distrupt their wonderful plans. For me, last year, when my late mummy was called home by God, it was also raining.. Only difference I wasn't under the rain. Nevertheless, the rainy weather marked a different significance in my life. It occurred to me then that perhaps Heaven's weeping for her death bah..
Strange thing..whenever i feel sad.. it will start to rain.
Recently, amazingly, everytime Sweet suggest going for prayers at the temple. It will rain. Hehe...
Certainly, everyone has their own prespective, personal interpretation and unforgettable moments with being in the rain or during a rainy day. For me.. it means a great deal of my past and present.. Sigh. Sounds so crappy..hehe.. Omg I'm running out on how to do my conclusion..hehe Sumimasen (Sorry in Jap)
Sunday, September 03, 2006
De one wiith Breaded pork-chop
Hot day
Early morning, I went jogging. Tried a different route from the norm. Clocked a distance of 4km. Before going back and waited till 1230pm when Jasmine finally wanted to move her butt to advance for our swimming.
We took bus 88 then bus 410 since Jasmine's too lazy to walk a distance which I normally would. Plus, the hot weather makes it even more insane and undesirable to walk to the Bishan Swimming Complex. By the time I reached the pool, Jasmine wanted to have a smoke break. So I proceeded in only to discover that all of the sun-bathing benches were occupied. Sigh.
I left my stuff on the side benches and dump myself into the pool which was relaxingly cool. Swam a couple of 50m laps before I managed to spot a few available benches. End product? I got darker. Yippee! Of course, after having sun-bathed for 1 hour.
We left the complx at 3pm. After which both of us proceeded to Junction 8 as I wanted to get an old Wilber Pan's album, in search of one of Sweet's liked song, titled "Bu De Bu Ai".. I've heard this song before during the last time I went KTV session with Zhen Ze and fellow specs. It's a nice enjoyable song. Although it's supposed to be a rather sad song.
In vain, I end up with the new series of Bleach animations. Well.. not being arrogant but whenever I am sure that a certain popular anime which is only available for illegal download, will one day be sold on the shelves. Just as I'd predicted for Final Fantasy IV: Advent Children. Bleach is out too. One thing about this anime which was rather disappointing was that it's only available in Chinese and Japanese dialogue. No English subtitles, which makes it difficult if I want to watch with Japanese dialogue. Sigh. Jasmine bought other vcds like Silent Hill, a ghost show and The Whole Ten Yards.
We shopped today. Jasmine got me two new pair of T-shirts from Slumping Ape. While she got herself two pairs of earrings. We went to do some grocery shopping at NTUC before we headed home.
Mama cooked my favourite Breaded pork-chop or "bah pah" (in hokkien). It's marinated pork meat cut into big thin slices. Then dipped in egg before coating it with crumps of grinded biscuits. It's my favourite home-cooked Western dish ever since young. I recall I'll be hardworking in preparing the biscuit crumps and the "coating" preparation when I was still a young boy. Err.. I'm still young now..Hehe... Should have said I was younger back then.
It's oftenly accompanied with fried french fries. Mmmmh.. dinner was scumptous tonight! Besides, it's been quite a while since I last ate Breaded pork chop..due to my increasing complexion and weight consciousness. Oops!~
*face red red*
Early morning, I went jogging. Tried a different route from the norm. Clocked a distance of 4km. Before going back and waited till 1230pm when Jasmine finally wanted to move her butt to advance for our swimming.
We took bus 88 then bus 410 since Jasmine's too lazy to walk a distance which I normally would. Plus, the hot weather makes it even more insane and undesirable to walk to the Bishan Swimming Complex. By the time I reached the pool, Jasmine wanted to have a smoke break. So I proceeded in only to discover that all of the sun-bathing benches were occupied. Sigh.
I left my stuff on the side benches and dump myself into the pool which was relaxingly cool. Swam a couple of 50m laps before I managed to spot a few available benches. End product? I got darker. Yippee! Of course, after having sun-bathed for 1 hour.
We left the complx at 3pm. After which both of us proceeded to Junction 8 as I wanted to get an old Wilber Pan's album, in search of one of Sweet's liked song, titled "Bu De Bu Ai".. I've heard this song before during the last time I went KTV session with Zhen Ze and fellow specs. It's a nice enjoyable song. Although it's supposed to be a rather sad song.
In vain, I end up with the new series of Bleach animations. Well.. not being arrogant but whenever I am sure that a certain popular anime which is only available for illegal download, will one day be sold on the shelves. Just as I'd predicted for Final Fantasy IV: Advent Children. Bleach is out too. One thing about this anime which was rather disappointing was that it's only available in Chinese and Japanese dialogue. No English subtitles, which makes it difficult if I want to watch with Japanese dialogue. Sigh. Jasmine bought other vcds like Silent Hill, a ghost show and The Whole Ten Yards.
We shopped today. Jasmine got me two new pair of T-shirts from Slumping Ape. While she got herself two pairs of earrings. We went to do some grocery shopping at NTUC before we headed home.
Mama cooked my favourite Breaded pork-chop or "bah pah" (in hokkien). It's marinated pork meat cut into big thin slices. Then dipped in egg before coating it with crumps of grinded biscuits. It's my favourite home-cooked Western dish ever since young. I recall I'll be hardworking in preparing the biscuit crumps and the "coating" preparation when I was still a young boy. Err.. I'm still young now..Hehe... Should have said I was younger back then.
It's oftenly accompanied with fried french fries. Mmmmh.. dinner was scumptous tonight! Besides, it's been quite a while since I last ate Breaded pork chop..due to my increasing complexion and weight consciousness. Oops!~
*face red red*
Saturday, September 02, 2006
De one with Sweet~less Saturday
Warm Saturday
Yesterday night didn't managed to get to converse with Sweet over the phone. Sigh. Today also didn't meet up nor message much as Sweet's busy with work. That's why it's a "Sweet~less" Saturday.
Early morning woke up rather late. Well.. kinda disappointing Sweet didn't leave any morning messages. I figured maybe Sweet's too busy to sms me bah. Anyway, went jogging which wasn't really conducive.
Came back and showered. Ate the shaved ham I bought from NTUC yesterday afternoon. After that, I set off for my facial appointment with Anna, at Relax de Beauty. Hmmm... when I reached there at 1pm, Anna asked me to wait for a couple of minutes as she's still serving her previous client. Well, I set at the work desk as the two guests' seats were occupied by the Anna's client's husband and child. Which I thought was really lovely... the way they communicate when the wife asked the husband to help her with her dress' zip. Of course, I was just listening..not looking!
Facial was more painful today as Anna had troubles with the stubborn blackheads on my nose. She only figured out that she should have used a smaller extractor rather than the bigger one, only towards the end of the treatment period. Sigh. However, today was different. Instead of doing the mask first, Anna got her colleague, "Nanny" to help me do the cooling and UV zapping first. Which I thought was more relevant to cure the post-treatment soreness on my face. Heh. Nanny always like to tease me. She always ask question whether I have a girlfriend since she found me goodlooking. Err.. she said so..not me. Towards the end, Nanny made a joke about how clean and smooth my nose is. That if an ant was to crawl on my nose, it will slip off. Hehe...
Flattering but well, it's just customs and trades of a customer provider.
Funny thing was Anna and Nanny were discussing in beginning of my facial whether I was in some hairstyling acedemy. Simply because they found my hair was always styled nicely. Anna's PR (Public Relation) is really good. She gave me time allowance to make my hair since it was wrapped up in a towel during facial.
Today, facial was cheaper that the previous. It cost me $63. $45 for facial. $18 for a medium bottle of pimple cream. Weeee!
After that, I bought one of my liked pastry from Polar. It was the hotdog crust. I bought some tuna puffs and an apple strandel (my liking too). Didn't shop much, just walked home after that.
Nothing much today except I finally started my progress on preparing for my mid-semester exams, which is luanching in less than two weeks' time. I have planned strategically. Will be able to make it with disciplined exacution.
Yesterday night didn't managed to get to converse with Sweet over the phone. Sigh. Today also didn't meet up nor message much as Sweet's busy with work. That's why it's a "Sweet~less" Saturday.
Early morning woke up rather late. Well.. kinda disappointing Sweet didn't leave any morning messages. I figured maybe Sweet's too busy to sms me bah. Anyway, went jogging which wasn't really conducive.
Came back and showered. Ate the shaved ham I bought from NTUC yesterday afternoon. After that, I set off for my facial appointment with Anna, at Relax de Beauty. Hmmm... when I reached there at 1pm, Anna asked me to wait for a couple of minutes as she's still serving her previous client. Well, I set at the work desk as the two guests' seats were occupied by the Anna's client's husband and child. Which I thought was really lovely... the way they communicate when the wife asked the husband to help her with her dress' zip. Of course, I was just listening..not looking!
Facial was more painful today as Anna had troubles with the stubborn blackheads on my nose. She only figured out that she should have used a smaller extractor rather than the bigger one, only towards the end of the treatment period. Sigh. However, today was different. Instead of doing the mask first, Anna got her colleague, "Nanny" to help me do the cooling and UV zapping first. Which I thought was more relevant to cure the post-treatment soreness on my face. Heh. Nanny always like to tease me. She always ask question whether I have a girlfriend since she found me goodlooking. Err.. she said so..not me. Towards the end, Nanny made a joke about how clean and smooth my nose is. That if an ant was to crawl on my nose, it will slip off. Hehe...
Flattering but well, it's just customs and trades of a customer provider.
Funny thing was Anna and Nanny were discussing in beginning of my facial whether I was in some hairstyling acedemy. Simply because they found my hair was always styled nicely. Anna's PR (Public Relation) is really good. She gave me time allowance to make my hair since it was wrapped up in a towel during facial.
Today, facial was cheaper that the previous. It cost me $63. $45 for facial. $18 for a medium bottle of pimple cream. Weeee!
After that, I bought one of my liked pastry from Polar. It was the hotdog crust. I bought some tuna puffs and an apple strandel (my liking too). Didn't shop much, just walked home after that.
Nothing much today except I finally started my progress on preparing for my mid-semester exams, which is luanching in less than two weeks' time. I have planned strategically. Will be able to make it with disciplined exacution.
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