De one with Obessive Poison

Passion Day

No one truly understands about my decisions. Not even myself. Certain decisions are made mostly on intuition. Others, because i had prior knowledge or it's the right thing to do. Some.. are just plain spiteful-intended. None... compared to decisions made based entire on passion. Others would criticize or describe this phenomenon as "impulsive shopping". I see it as an "obsessive poison".

What I did? I bought the entire collection of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight saga. It's crazy. 4 books. Coming to over 80 bucks. Personally feel it was worth it. The first time D told me it was a piece-worth reading, I didn't gave much attention until recently I watched the movie and came to know of its beautiful story. No, it wasn't the Goth settings or bloody vampires. It was..well, partly because of the multiple fascinating super power involved.. perhaps the characters. Mainly.. was because it's a fantasy-romance. Not acquainted with Nora Roberts but we're talking about someone who provides care to another unconditionally. The other, being protected and defying conformity with norms. It's someone WE care about and seek. It doesn't come by easily.. so read lor..

I better know I ought to delay the reading till after my affair with Candace Bushnell. Guess I can read both books concurrently before my passion for the latest become obsoleted.

Err.. that's what happen to Harry. Oh dear. I have the entire collection, mostly touched by my Mummy only. Recall I finished 2 of Harrys during my secondary school holidays when I took Jimson to school and waited for his afternoon release. However, I re-discovered as I grew, that I love reading when I had the time. Taking long bus rides, listening to music and watching home videos was stage 1. Reading... is stage 2 "peace-time" activities.

Perhaps I have always been a notoriously defiant guy under this baby-face and soft-spokeness. Which attracts me to books of such content.

I like to see and experience things myself to understand the situation myself. Today, I searched 4 departmental stores in order to make cologne purchase. Weird huh., go through such agonizing encounter just for 3 bottles of fragrances. 2 from Kenzo, the other from Burberry. Nice. Not much citrus fragrances this spring/summer. Just... subtle ester of refreshing herbs. I love summer because it has all these mood-lifting effects from the scent. What more could I ask for. It's spring.summer.

I also discovered it's still no good to speak my mind. A friend I cared about recently received unpleasant comments. A day after, I thought about how your words may have impact on others. Complements are alright. It's otherwise for criticism. Of course, many of us would just say and forget it, not bothering further to consider how the receipient feels or not. Perhaps I care too much. Perhaps I shouldn't. How ironic. I'll be damned if I said it, damned if I don't.

So jason feels Jason should keep quiet and jasoN's asking Jason to poke his nose into the two books more. All JASONs alert, keep quiet!

De one with Departure おくりびと ,Okuribito

"Your last purchase and someone elses choose for you"

Watched this touching, tear-rousing movie with a dear friend today. I believe you guys have heard or read of the critics and commentaries. No doubts about their comments on this multiple-award winning movie, its good. I give.. a thumbs up!

Other than witnessing how "encoffinment" is done in Japan. I believe the director must have considered alot before producing something so bore and deemed taboo.

Well, the movie wasn't tearful the entire time, it begun with the ceremony, something unexpectedly comical occurred. Actually, I don't what's so funny. Why some people never fail to be jeeringly amused over topics/events associated with transsexual? I mean, their behavior shows nothing more obvious than their low level of open-mindness, immaturity and speaks so much of their shallowness in character. Supposed they have turned themselves into the mockery here.

It appears there's nothing with the film. What puzzled me most was the behavior of the audience around watashi. It occurred to me why people weep when they view the sadness portrayed in the film? Could it be that these roused the resurface of similar experiences and brought forth the grief felt back then? Or quero they have never experienced anything before which explains their only capacity to feel from what they sight?

No tears streamed down my cheeks. I even pondered if I were supposed to cry. Not putting a brave front la. Perhaps I have been through all that's to be felt. However, I must comment that it's very true that the closest family members do not break down until the part when the caretaker closes the coffin or have it incinerated. It's the climax of grief.

With regards to the climax of grief is in the film, personally feel it has to be the last part when Daigo performs the encoffinment on his father and that moment he recollects his memory of the father's face as Daigo touches the corpse's face.

Else, it's amirable of the Japanese respect for one another. They express their apologies with prominent sincerity through gesture and tone of speech. Besides this, i m amazed the Japanese's ceremony are performed with upmost sacrity. I believe if enconfinment practice was adopted in the local Chinese where the family members had to witness the mortician, strongly fear the family members of the departed couldn't take it. It's just too sorrowful. Also, it fails practicability of maintain the departed body in its nature stage without embeming, over customary 3 - 7 days of funeral wake.

Didn't manage to get my Gundam. Instead, Monopoly Here & Now, World Edition got itself charged to my credit card bill. Haha. Fish & Chip for dinner. Accompany of friend. All in a evening well spent.

De one with First Mob

Troublesome Saturday

Think all the Lao Jiao ("Old bird" directly translated in Hokkien, meaning "the experienced"/old-timers) must be laughing when they read this.. I bet in another 10 year's time, very probable I'll be mocking at my blog too.. that's if it still exists.

Early at 9 am, my BSM delivered a unspecified sms. Kockanathan (expressing "blur" in Malay) I called my man and advised them as I thought so, to report directly to the manning unit. Not until ZZ called did I confirm my folly. Oh dear. Aiya, first time mobilisation. Moreover, the initial sms didn't provide clear instructions.

From my understanding, mobilisation or recall manning, is an operation which is used to test the readiness of the nation's servicemen in times of war. Works pretty much like those fire-drills we used to have in schools. Well, no doubt war is unlikely given the nation's involvement in United Nations and excellant peace-making international relationships, it's still essential to prepare to deal with the unexpected.

As mentioned by Republic Poly's principal over a radio telecast, "national service takes precedence over all others". It's due to this your life's organised-activites would have to be disrupted, by law when the nation needs you even in peace-time. Ironic isn't it.

All my plans for a morning jog, haircut, breakfast and starting some work on my project went into puff all because of today's mob. Won't go into details. Nothing much that we do not know that has to be related here.

What is more crucial to discuss about is how mobilisation could have otherwised been conducted. Is it necessary for the activated personnel to report personally to designated venues? Prior to answering the "why" question, let us look at the objective of doing so. Physical reporting evident the pressence of your unit's strength in times of war outbreak. On this, I suggest the Immigration Department could provide its assistance as all residents travelling offshore have to register with them. In additional, active servicemen has to notify the Mindef on their overseas trips. Failure to comply with this requirement is a chargeable offence under the SAF law. A run through of the system can reveal whether the servicemen is physically present mainland.

With the above sustained, online attendence could be put into practice. I mean applying the analogy of online banking. Notwithstanding ignorant person who giveaway their passwords, security dockets to their spouses or even friends, security could be assured with personal logging in. This could be further improved with requirements of webcamming to capture physical pressence and internet firewalls to detect and deter the occurrence of any pre-recorded or mishandled live-conferencing.

Next would be the issue of whether is it necessary for the servicemen to report in their FBO? The underlying reason is to enable physical inspection of the FBO, which is important to ensure that serviceman is equipped with basic tools deemed essential by Mindef. There's an alternative to the current practice - Despatching audit teams assigned to go to the different parts of the area to conduct random physical checks, with prior notified periods appointed definitely (like how they conduct AAI now.

Further to the above, ZZ highlighted possible high transport costs may arise. I think this can be achieved by revising financial budgets which might be bursting on dispensible expenditures when certain old equipments could be used. Such as.. amendments to the uniform per say.

Of course, all the above with fail in the event when there's power failure and the benefit of doubt given to the servicemen's accessibility to the internet/computer with webcams. On the other hand, the current waiting-for-incoorporative late-comers (for most unit) under unfavourable weather and cost of transport (as many take a cab) pose disadvantages too.

I think, not really a problem la.. power failure could be reduced by back up system. Forget about 3G man... let's improvised an efficient and effective system for mobilisation and move on to be 10G servicemen! (Even cellphones have improved from 2.5 megapixels to 8 now!). Not criticising our curent is not good enough coz we see there's an improvement with all this sms-notification, call centre (which kinda ain't functioning well sometimes), but there's room for improvement. Eh, don't think the US army has this yet. Perhaps if we introduced something pioneer, we could be in the lead!

De one with Gundam Models

Past times

The fascinations with Gundam Seed, Gundam Destiny or even Gundam models didn't begin until I reached the age of 20. This was after the prime "age of animation craze" which happened early when I was around 17 - 18.

There's a reason for everything in my life. Figured that would have to be due to a person who influenced me a fair bit. I recalled I was getting this Gundam model as a birthday gift for this friend and I thought, why not develop a collection. The teenager's passion for something born of a momentary interest was too temptingly irresistable. In the next 2 weeks, 4 models were already assembled. Guilty as it cost a bomb, too much within such short time. Then again, all I knew back then was the interest took precedence, worries about Daddy's query could come later. *smile shyly*

Unfortunately, I didn't like collections without pocessing any history or its origin. Hence, I immersed myself into the entire 8 parts of the Gundam Seed anime within the next month. Having better knowledge, choosing the Gundam models became clearer, preferential and satisfying.

In the blink of an eye, the Gundam collection approached 10.

If you'd ask me if the collection was worth it, it certainly was. Why? Assembling of the plastic models revived the joy of doing the same for a fighter plane F16, a sovenir I bought at the Aero-show when I was in Primary 4. School excursion. Coolest arty experience I ever got.

The love for assembling surfaced since my early childhood. I recalled fixing those two-piece airplanes which was made of styrofoam and costs 20cents. Guess the sense of "great" achievement was the intriguing reward a boy could possibly get!

Then came Jurassic magazine which enables me to collect and assemble the bone-structure of a T-Rex. Freaking awesome!

Growing into the twenties doesn't mean these precious past liking for assembling things or "ability to create" something out of other things are eroded. We just move on to more intermediate levels and pretty sure I found likewise in my Gundam collection. It's better when you figure a way to detach the pieces from the stanzas, how and where to apply glue such that it wouldn't appear ugly or imperfect. All these requires coordination and a fair bit of conceptualisation from the blue-prints to the actual stuff in your hands. Brillant challenge.

After completion, I feel a sense of accomplishment having witness how the stanzaful of tiny parts constructed into a visible figurine. Wuao..

Like a lollipop which wouldn't last forever, the passion leaks. On an ocassion I packed the boxes of Gundam into my storeroom disappointed as I didn't have showcases to display my collection, I thought I should step out of my "wasting-money" hobby and move on. And I did! Convinced collections were not like toys, they can be played or throw around in my imagined story-lines. Only purely assembled for exhibition.

Yet recently, the supressed interest set ablazed. Think it won't hurt to get my long-awaited Akatsuki Gundam!!

Ooooo.. I'm gonna get my hands on this some day.

De one with Se-rius-ly

Seriously

If I ever meet Jehovah, I'll tell him of all the things he created in Singapore, the worst and inferior would have been her. Seriously.

If I don't get to meet Jehovah, I'll warn Lucifer of his greatest defeat to a f(€%:~? arch-evil instead of the most-commonly perceived (to his father).

Seriously, people have no idea how detrimental the damages inflicted onto others, with their words of pure selfishness. I have no doubt the worst of all living thing on the planetary system is embodied in this person. Its unquestionable it's back-stabbing words and shameless, malicious woohaa are more treacherous than Lucifer's apple to Adam, deadlier than any Scorpion's telson.

The depth of its lies? Am seriously certain the blackhole is incomparable. F***!

I feel awful, taking all the leaded arrows. All things born of a cause. It's just unfair. Because of the more stupid thing known as contractual obligations. F***

He of all fools, canst take control and claimst all dull on else but himself. Fear not, Karma. Karma will prevail. Se-rius-ly

Seriously, I just don't know why I have to go through such f****** shit. Man, guess all these immature rage for nothing proves I'm a f****** serious loser too.

Seriously. Take control of yourself. Are you immature? No? Then calm down, accept and learn.

Make a choice. Seriously. Make it or you don't. No use complaining. Prove it.

De one with Everybody Has Bad Days

Black-coloured day

A day's work could be summarised by "unpleasant". Early morning I had to rush all the amendments for this stupid report to get it ready for 3pm meeting. The "ong lai" lah.. what else. Early morning I felt nothing but oppression. Okay, I admit my work's not up to standard but what has a guy gotta do when he has three people reviewing his work and all coming at the same time for admendments. I felt like some pawn on the chess set, dispensibly ready to be sacrificed.

Hence, I was really overly stressed. Although I didn't show on my expression, it was so obviously flawed in my work. Godamnit. Then there was alot of commotion in the office's conference room because they were celebrating one of our colleague's belated birthday. I didn't mean to spoil it but I just couldn't mingle with them, I ate very little at the lunch party and pushed myself back for work to get everything ready before 3pm.

Sigh. We were late for meeting by almost 30 mins. Thank goodness the client was patient. During meeting, boss did all the explanation. My role was to efficiently produce the information to him to facilitate his explanation.

Actually, all day I've been suppressing my unhappiness. Didn't get emo because I thought, it's just one of my bad days. Perhaps this is a men's problem, as agonising as a women's "monthly worries."

Wanted to attend lecture but the detrimental effect of work landed me hopping into a cab and making my way to Hilton Hotel to delivery my greetings and hongbao to my men, who's the groom today. (He called to inform me of his wedding and I told him I couldn't make it due to my lecture). He was astonished and overjoyed when he saw me appearing before him.

In attempt to kill all the bitter-cells accumulated for the day, my legs brought me to Tangs where I got spent $200+ on my facial products. And I got myself yet another membership card to my collection! Woohoo.

I couldn't help myself flirting with the Biotherm salesgirl, who cordially brought me to the cashier. Funny.. the cashier inquired if I was local. Did she have to ask? Do I not have a "made in Singapore" appearence?

I surprised my ahma with early return to home. Chatted awhile with her...totally enjoy chatting with her, knowing there might come a time we couldn't do this in future years to come.

Well, I guess everybody has bad days. I'm no exception. Glad i was optimistic to realise how it bounces back for better. *arms behind my neck, kiao kah (put up my feet in Hokkien), wiggling my toes*

De one with Retrolook at Change!

Going backwards

Having finished my load of project work, I shut off my computer and sat down. I loved Sunday afternoon, it's blazing hot outside but just gotta love the heat. Out of nowhere, as if a different Jason in me asked myself, how much I've changed.

At that moment, blank in my mind. Like a rebooted Window's, my memories rewind, conjuring a series of snapshots of the different Jason outlook at certain points in my life. Drama and comical as if sounds, there's no better way to describe this.

The rewind stopped at when I was in primary school. I recall Jason @ 6 was already a fussy boy who's particular with his hair, which was neatly gel and combed to the side in those old-fashion schoolboy look or that shown in Little Nonya. *giggle*. Jeez..I must have looked very hilarious if that image stays till present.

Oh, I forgot to mention my early years I was a skinny chap until I grew chubby after returning from Australia (ate too much bread everyday) during my Pri 5 to Sec 2.. It was a disaster back then.

Big change occurred from Sec 3 onwards. If you have been an obedient reader, you'd have known I exercised 10kg off for someone I was infatuated with back then. Silly folly golly. Hahaha. Anyway, I'm glad, even till today, I did that. In life, nothing ventured nothing gained. Ooo, you must be wondering what's my secret.. Awww.. it's past time la.. I'm sure there are alot of gym packages and health supplements or advices or something that can help.

By the time, I was tan, lean, cutey face, still short but who cares.. funny part was.. nobody could make out whether I was chinese or malay. Haha.

Came JC years, I changed my hairstyle to those in SISPEC..you know, it's crew top except my front had a fritch, my sides and back of the head was botak! Punk right? Remember back then, only me and another student council had this.. airy, ridiculous but cool hairstyle. What else.. ooo, I became an "ambassador" of Billabong. My pencil case (those long, enormous type) and butt-hang backpack were all Billabongs.

Army.. normal la.. I look fitter, young.. I remembered once when I looked myself in the mirror after seven days of fieldcamp, as much as I was stunned, shagged but I simply adored my body back then I tell you. Sun kissed complexion, lean.. a person's most beautiful at 18. No questions about that!

Within my 2.3 years serving NS, I had 5 different hairstyle. Namely, bo-tak (during recruit), "4-3-2-1" (it's actually according to the thickness of the hair as it goes to the top of the head) during SISPEC, David Beckham's pointed hairstyle (during my SGT days) and finally subtle transition-to-Jap hairstyle (the baby stage of my current hairstyle). It was also the period I started wearing cap and polo-shirts. My hair changed its taste from gel, wax to clay. Fussy hair.. haha

Then to university freshman year, slippers, boardshorts, berms and singlets kicked its way into my life. Till date, I have what...12 pairs of slippers in my wardrobe.. mind your jaws.. Haha. Well, I changed from clay to rubber gel cause my hair grew longer, dyed my hair too. It was also a period of TOPMAN model for me.

When I begun work as an auditor, my wardrobe found new "friends" aka executive wears from Domanchi, Litmus Blue and River Island. I traded my sling bags and Philosophy backpack for Ballys, Braun and Agnes B. Belts increased two-fold. Haha, wait till I get my hands on a Dolce and Gabana's. Cost of facial products increased too as I became bolder.

Most importantly, I have changed in character. I recall I was an extremely shy, high-end introvert boy. Through the years, people I meet, friends I've known affluenced and caused me to develop my social skills.. Or should I say.. it took ONE person to land me into what I've became today. With the support of my best, good and close friends, I grew to become what I am.

Did I changed alot? Can assuringly say I did. For better or worst? I think, better I guess. And I only have my parents to thank for my facial features, ah-ma for all the norishing bird-nest since baby till now... and my friends for all your advices and life lessons I've learnt and encountered with your existence.

De one with Dance

Short-lived Saturday

Saturday was lazily passed. Morning woke up late for breakfast. Mostly to blame for yesterday's past-midnight return from work. Shortly after eating, I fell asleep on the sofa, until afternoon when my discipline exercised control (thank goodness!) to get me working on the tax project. Actually I was supposed to start this week. However, office's is too much, by the time I arrived home, i was too tired to start anything except sleep.

The skies begun to tear around delayed my plans for a jog. However, I managed for a quickie but was delayed till seven by my selection of clothes and socks. By the time I dined with Clara, we were left with only 25 minutes before walking to the Esplanade. Humph, all thanks to my lateness, I didn't managed to get my Biotherm product. There goes my face.

Fortunately, the dance performance "Interview with Palace Ghost" was invitingly interesting. It's different, new experience with contemporary art. My first time in fact! I've been to concert, live band performance, plays, piano concert, art galleries, musicals but never a dance performance! It's truly an eye-opener. The dance is mainly set on a mysterious setting. Not errie as it name may sound. Not trying to be a smart Alex but I think dance is about interpretation. It's amazing what the human body can do to express with its movements. Every detail..even a flick of the toe means something.

But I thought the dance wasn't really perfect. Nonetheless, further research reveal the dance reflects the old dance movements and pageantry of the Javanese Court. Like I'd said, interesting right?! There were segments like strings concertos, "Man-breast inchantation", "Painting Cloth with Clouds"... Well, it took alot of effort spent on figuring what the dance were about.

Some cessation of immortality or banishments must have taken place. Else, why'd the Heavens be weeping for such long time. The both of us braved the flooded path at Orchard. To our disappointment, all the shopping malls were closed. No biotherm!.. Heaven must have been weeping for me.

Apparantly, alot occured during the day. I'm just glad weekend isn't as dull as usual. Besides, the stressful week demands this day for recharge.

De one with Screamingly Speaks

Breaking silenceThe Scream by Edvard Munch (1893)

Notwithstanding my usual complaints, people who hang around me had better known I tend to keep quiet while they have rowdy conversations. Especially when we sit around a big table.

There are a number of reasons to this..

1: It's our first time meeting. I guess it is a norm I tend to observe more than having to say something offensive.

2: I'm dead tired.

3: The conversation bores me.

Charles White (1945) >>

Epiphany has its miraculous effect on humans. Consequently, a psychological reaction follows. Effecting some brave, eccentric, out of the norm action. Same with me. Which is why, Jason speaks today.

Work's very slow moving and the day pass like a misty cloud. I feel exposed of my incapabilities at work as Gabriel asked me about UMP and the demoralising pile of reviewed work on my desk. Those chunks of green handwrittings of Gabriel's looks as though they screamed, smearing my thin facial moisturiser and tearing my complexion until it bleed with substance of dismay and bits of the skull reveals, nothing but guilt.

Even at discussion, the junior staff supersedes me in knowledge. I felt like an useless bum. Yes, I'm not afraid to admit (never had trouble being honest about things I don't know), I'm a dumb. Empty headed. And why? Plainly because I'm a himbo.

I'm sensitive. Hence I indulge myself into calming thoughts and self-created philosophies to tame my wild thoughts. I do stuff like jogging, reading, drawing and blogging to concentrate. To feel better. I buy stuff to be in control.

The last thing I have always neglected was to confront this shagged and vacant brain I possess. Now this is the missing link in my incomplete and imperfect life.

I have a naive mind. Regretfully, no innocent but naive. Mostly attributed by the fact that I have grown up in a protected environment. Even till now, people have me under their wings. People don't come to me for help. Even when they do, I couldn't do any much because I'm so.. inadequate. Ha.

Ever tired ambitioning myself with new experiences to challenge and hope it will improve myself. Apparantly, some achieved but not efficient. The rest failed to materialised.

If I'd use one thing to describe how I am now.. it'd be a blank screen. Nothing better than that.

Is this pessimistism? Perhaps. I'm proned. Is there any opportunistic life encounters I may meet to safeguard me from this plunging pit of self-destruction? Can I don't continue to be so stupid?

Too exhausted to think.. -_-''' Perhaps I am badly in need of something to cheer me on

De one with What's Up Saturday?

24 in exactly 6 months' time

What's up with your Saturday? Spending time with your loved ones? Work? Or catching up with colleagues and friends like Clara? Or studying hard like Mohan in Europe? Or playing sports and hockey like Chin Yu? Attended morning seminars like GH and Zhen Ze? Or studying, photo-shooting and drinking starbucks like D?

Aaah, looks like everybody's occupied.. Me? Nothing's up with Saturday except rushing to school in a cab for nothing. Super embarassing. I actually thought lecture starts at 1pm. In fact, it starts an hour later. I was sure of the LT but when I arrive, the students in there and the lecturer were unfamiliar. Panicking, I texted everyone to confirm the LT venue. Not until Darren's reply did I realise my malfunctioned memory and folly! O.M.G.

The entire week I didn't go out. *Mohan!! My shopping buddy!!* Clara back at home since she came back from her disappointing holiday at Langkawi. Despite not having went out, my purchase never seemed to cease. Overjoyed I got myself a new waterbottle - White SIGG! It's one damn handsome bottle. Woohoo! Am sure the rest of the plastic waterbottles will drop dead meeting mine!

Next I got facial products. Kinda doubtful having spent 95 bucks on this latest Biotherm product after reading it's targetted at men over 50. Man.. wasted. Think I'll give it to my Daddy.

What else did I get..lets see... Shhh.. ok, Clara's gonna kill me if she hears this.. a bag polish from Ballys.

Well, think that's it. I have been out at clients place the week before, this week and the next two weeks. And lunches alone has costs me around 200+ this two weeks. Sigh. Even eating at foodcourts easily cost 5-6 bucks.

Since last Wednesday, I developed the phobia of going back to office. Reb asked if I am avoiding boss. I just smiled and said "no la". However, my mind was filled with quesiton marks.

De one with Not Cut Out to Be

Bad day

Today I went back to office to clear my CORCC. Spare some issues and referencing works to be done, it was generally ok. Reb even recommend others to draw reference to the filling up of the audit programme in my file. Rachel (CORCC accounts manager) called me, we had some laughs, brightening my day. Afternoon, my colleague treated us KFC for the baby-angbao we contributed to her. Didn't eat much, in my mind i was thinking of how delayed my schedule was (since I ought to be at my client's place so I could finish what I've planned). Man, I hate wasting my time and being obstructed from what I've organised.

The day stretched till evening. Gabriel ask me into the room and begin the brutal "interrogation" for UMP. It was badly done.

There are alot of issues he pointed out which I should have investigated into but I failed. Followed by a string of questions "Why this, why that" only to arrive at my speechlessness or inflict of oppressed self-confidence. So bad to a degree there were tears filling the brim of my eyes.

He didn't scold me of course. Nevertheless, his questions were enough to crumple my belief that live up to the job. Every time I couldn't answer his factual queries, it further detriments my pride. I didn't have the facts (which I did gather 5 months ago) to defend myself. I knew the delay of my proof of evidences for defence further detriment my ability in the job. And it was so bluntly gave-away in my work. Saddening.

I ever considered if the audit failure is due to me not having brought the issue out earlier as that time, Reb were busy with Lab1. I had no one to turn to. So I had to beared my teeth and did it alone. The next thing I knew, the file went straight into Gab's room for review.

Further to this, the acounting issues were my first time encounters. It's a new client and most of the time, I sepnt alot of effort gathering information which I could possibly get, concentration to tie the usual things. There are certain matters I could sense the problem however I had difficulty collecting info as the documents were long-past.

Then, I shoved all this from my mind, clearing the cloud of excuses and questioned my true capability. Nothing. I cried, in my heart.

Jason knows he ought not and mustn't be emo. I just couldn't deal, hence I have decided to type everything here and abandon these negativities inside here and move on. Perhaps.. I'm not cut out to be what I am doing..

De one with Toasted Sunday

Very warm

Is it global warming aggravated recently? Else why is it so warm today. Literally feels being in an oven-toasted. Mentioning about burning. My entire Sunday afternoon was "toasted" wrapping up COR - CC audit in office.

Yea, you must be wondering why am I slogging so hard for the Company. Let me explain, I wasn't lying about the super tight schedule I'm on. It's just me, my unrest responsibility and wanting to be organised such that my work can be done in the shortest time available. Else, you could just say I'm abit paranoid of becoming a complete mess if I didn't plan/leave everything for the last.

Then again going back to office wasn't as bad as it looks. Was greeted by this calming environment when I returned. Visualize what I saw: Light were embering the office's full length glass windows. White blinds were half-drawn, creating a dimmed, cosy setting. Quietness in the premises, no pressurising vaccum-effect.. the air con breezing. It was superbly tranquil, the light was great.. awwww..

However, work was abit challenging. Had a hard time reading 13 months of meeting minutes in Mandarin and scanning through another 13 months of a different set of meeting minutes (thank goodness it were in english) and make reference to see if they mentioned the same time and what was in my workpaper. Tedious. I have to salute to my preserverence... boi..

Nonetheless, I'm just glad I managed and completed the audit to be sent into Reb's room (as promised).

Tomorrow onwards, another commences. If only I could have a Disneyland visit to feel happy and wand off all the urban worries. Ok, no more "Ifs". Haha. My heart yearns to feel alive!

De one with Which Jason?

Hellweeks

It's a love-filled day and here I am all mentally-shagged having done patch-up works and reading a PDF-file-ful of Church minutes of meeting in CHINESE. Considering I already have trouble pronouncing Mandarin, now I have to read. *Face in my hands* Oh no~

Remember last blog I mentioned hellweek is starting..or started. It has. 8 days I have to juggle 3 assignments. Thank goodness I wrapped up 1. The other due for submission tomorrow (which explains why I'll be going back to office on a Sunday). The remaining I've done all I can. Gotta wait for Mar to come before I can audit the last quarter in the reporting period. Yup, that's how bad it is - all back-to-back.

There were alot of unexpected changes to my schedules which I managed to readjust/shuffle my appointments with clients. I hate it when people mess up my planning. Look, I took pains to organise swee swee (nicely in Hokkien)! Sadly, it's inevitable. Just gotta get around it.

Nowadays I certainly don't know what I've gotten myself into. There were alot of times during my travelling my mind just disconnect and I'll stare blankly into the shifting scenary. Else, I'll take a deep breathe and rub the bridge of my nose. Feels so much dead as if I'm an empty shell.

Perhaps I'm over tired. Worst when I have to deal with all the clients alone this year (last year at least I have my senior to guide me) and I had to exercise alot of caution to satisfy and assure I've done all that's require. Not forgeting profession skepticism. Man, no wonder a cab driver warned me of ageing earlier when I'm in audit. Arghh.. I have a valid reason to purchase anti-ageing cream!

I feel dead. And beyond resurrection when I can't concentrate and make mistakes which I shouldn't given my meticulous and perfectionist nature. Recently, there were a couple of things which I ought to have notice but didn't. These were when implusiveness took over when I charge with a fast gathering of whichever info at first sight. This is demoralising.

Just last Friday Rebecca asked me to check and photocopy all minutes of meetings for a trouble-maker client of whom I was in charge of two of their group's companies. Turns out it wasn't my fault that the secretary was too detached to informed us of any changes/updates (like having returned the minutes to the client who wishes to terminate our secretary services) and I got very confused with two meetings which relates to separate directors appointment and resignation. Man, I felt so... guess I shouldn't continue on.

I hardly read these two weeks. It's either work till 10+pm at office or the same time I finish classes. I need friends but Mohan and Clara are overseas. Plus I have nothing much that I wish to buy. My Candace Bushnell book is like 30 more pages and I'm done to continue to the next. Yet I'm lack the perfect leisure time to read without causing me further exhaustion from my already battled body.

Today I received my transcript. It's undesirable that I put it away after glancing through it once. My GPA are deteriorating. My future is worrisome man. Does nothing but labour headaches. I suppose my migraine would haunt me soon.

I am alive but I feel spirited-away. Looked up my name on some bibilogical website which deciphers the meaning of everybody's Christian name. Mine means "Healer or of God's salvation." It is then I query myself... who to heal me when my wings are weak and fallen?

By the way, Happy V. Day!

De one with Share-low

Tolerance zero

People are such shallow creatures. Darn, how long can I tolerate such people. You know what I mean?

Oh by the way, the earlier adopted ancestress of every girl's must-have toy, Barbie, turns 50. Wonder do shallow people spend alot of their childhood with our ever-smiling Barbie. Beats everybody.

De one with Initial "Feb"ulous

So far so good

Two days at client's place @ Adelphi was good. Least expected the Church to require me to go down on Friday, it interrupted my solicitor's audit. Left with office's cashbook receipts. Man... plus I'm doing the entire audit solo. Wanted very much to completion on Saturday however the firm doesn't work on Saturdays.

The staff there are friendly people. Salmah will come into my room and talk to me (Pss...part reason why I couldn't complete my work). On my first day, she commented I look lik Jay Chou (because I style my frig sideways and am soft-spoken). Next day, she and Shirley asked how long it'd take for me to have my hair done. Omg. *blush*.

Generally, it's good. The office's not much changed from the previous. Well, except the audit room is smaller. For my two days there, I lunched at TCC and Foodcourt at Raffles City SC. Choices are abit limited as compared to Suntec (client's previous location). But I managed to make the best out of the area by recce-ing the Times bookstore for books and River Island during lunchtime.

It was then, I thought perhaps I enjoy lunchtime in city area. Unfortunately, considering the heavy eating expenses over a prolonged period of time, plus the undesirable crowdiness, I guess the undesirable outweighs the desirable of in-city-lunching.

Today I left everything at the lawyers firm for commencement of the Church audit at SAJC Village. Early morning already "gabbra" with the meeting place. I thought the busstop YW was referring to is the one at Potong Pasir MRT. Turns out, its the one directly outside the DOS. End up turning up late at client's place and YW gotta apologise to Rachel.

Church audit was a "breather".. because the schedules provided by Rachel (a richly experienced ex-auditor) possibled a smooth audit. Which means our job becomes alot easier. Today I completed all the balance sheet items. Next monday I shall start with P&L.

Evening so paiseh, made Clara wait at the DOS busstop. We made our way to Cine where we did dinner at Long John. So crowded. Watched a "gruesome" (as commented by my moive companion) movie, Underworld : Rise of the Lycans. I think it was so so. It's actually like watching Star Wars where this installment actually shows the origins of the long-lived bloodshed betweens the Lycans and the Vampires. It links to the first movie.

Yes, there was alot of blood (which I kept wondering how could the color of blood glistered in a dark-set environment.. hmmm *fingering my chin*). The core of the movie is like watching the reversed of "Romeo and Juliet" - the ill fate of the lovers didn't deliver reconciliation between two races. Instead, it brought freud. Overall, I think ok. At least there's a comprehendable story line which made the audience go "oooh, so that's why in the first installment why lidat.. and I prefer which installation... blah blah blah".

During the movie, there was an irritating guy beside me, talking on the phone in the middle of the film. Darn.. inconsiderate!

Met LW for "la kopi" session at Raffles City SC Starbucks. lovely place to chill, chit chat about our future or actually, LW's plans for the future. It couldn't help me thinking how my path in life's gonna be. Clara says at least I seems to be sticking with accounting, something I never expected myself with. I replied, it's my nature, making the best out of anything I encounter with. Guess, that's something I could employ to paved my way through life. And hopefully, to see a foreseeable and positive future ahead. How about you?

De one with Anticipation

Gaining momentum

Much anticipation is ignited since yesterday's meeting with Rebecca and my seniors on planning for our coming clients assignment. I have a list of 11 and Rebecca was puzzled why it is still so little. But we figured I was reserved for a big client: United Pineapple.

Speaking of that, my boss has yet to complete reviewing. He's busy. Today he just settled my Freight company's audit with a "cunning" client. Former RI student my boss would tell me. Which explains why every year the Company comes up with different funny matters. Thank goodness I have Rebecca and my boss to fend me man.

Yeay, tomorrow I'll be down near the High Court of Singapore, commencing the solicitor's audit for a client which I've understudied in the previous year. Don't know why I can't restrain myself from feeling excited. Maybe I'm going to a solicitor's office which was nicely renovated. But that was last year when they had an office space at Suntec Tower 2. This year they shifted. Hmm.. wonder how it would look and feel like.

Perhaps, much anticipation comes from my desire to break free from all these days of boredom in office primarily because I have nothing to do. My days were filled with ad-hoc stuff like sending confirmation, update things on the net, time-passing by researching on an changes to the Solicitors rules, follow up on clients and informing the up-coming clients.

So much so for the day, I left office for Vivo. It's those lonely shopping trip again. Something at River I caught my eye. No... perhaps two. Man.. I very well know it's recession and I ought to save.. but the shirts are screaming for my keeping. End up.. I kept my credit cards in tact in my Braun wallet.

Hehe.. but I spent quite awhile at PageOne before deciding buying another Candace Bushnell book. Guess I'm becoming addicted to books. Can't blame it.. got my Mummy's genes. She loved reading books when she was alive.

Tomorrow solicitor's audit, it is!! Brace yourself, here I come.

De one with Lazy Weekend

Breezy Sunday

Intended to blog in the morning today unfortunately, the HK drama bought by Jasmine was un-resistable. Yes, that's practically how I have wasted my weekend on: Watching the entire 24 episodes of Survivor's Law II, eating and napping my eyebags away.

The show was good. Not really exciting, not educational but passable as entertaining. The lawyers portrayed in the story were emotional, and did a heck lot of unconventional actions and behaviour as a result of their sense of justice (at least what they thought it was). Of course, there was a twist of event but I guess it was compensated by a happy ending.

Speaking of emotional, it provided me with inspiration for this blog. Of course, I have talked about what I did this "lazy weekend", plan A for "saving money" for a forthcoming typhoon (considering the current economic crisis, as discussed in the previous blog). And I guess I can't leave this "self-reflection" on the issue of being emo here.

I recalled my close friends, Clara and Mohan ever commented on emo state of mind because of the emotional behaviour I display in our conversations online and smses. That's partly because they have saw me through the fall of a few relationships.

An upcoming friend, D also commented I was emo after an incident a couple of months ago. That was because of the way I protrayed myself through smses, online chats and blogs during our initial friendship.

After what D said did I realised there's nothing wrong with being an emo. Of course, it is obvious that any who become annoying if they are overly emo, like how we develop into an undesirable body shape or worse, get diabetes if we consume excessive chocolates. But it all strips down to a human's behaviour or responses to our environment in hopes of getting support/assurance/comfort from our friends, family or even a helpful stranger because in that moment, things are just too overwhelmed.

Think about it in this way. A person falls ill when the virus is too overwhelming for that person's immunity. Symptoms reveals (like emotions) to signal for nothing but getting medical help.

In fact, judging from my expressions or should you ever met me live, you'd disagree that I'm an emo. Why? Simply because I do not have much much expressions unless I'm doing it for fun or the situation is too tramatic. All judgements against me are primarily based on my blogs (where I employed it merely as a tool for complaining and type things purely because writting is FOC).

Perhaps you may read the above and think "yeah, right..", then conclude that I'm just denying or excusing myself or what.. truth is, I have always thought I'm better expressive in writting because that's what people, my friends especially, relate on. Thing is, emotions are not plain words. It is how the reader feels about how I feel when they read my blog, judging by sentences-constructions, vocabularies, punctuation marks and even colors to some extend. Lately, I even put on pictures.

I read about this before. "Photos are frozen moments in time. Today it is. Tomorrow time moves on and meant to be forgotten". I couldn't agree more. Imagine how Rose in Titantic looked when she held Jack's drawing of her live-portrait some decades later. She's old. The still drawing of her youth was the opposite. Photos only reminds us of vid memories. It is evidence for us to compare. Hence, emotions are aroused from the memories and comparison. Not the photo itself.

Having said much, I discover being emo can't be judged entirely on how a person writes but also the way he behaves and display. Else, these are live examples of what I have learnt in my previous semester's Organisation Behaviour module: Perception and Stereotyping. Like emo, its existence is nothing. However, too much and consistent would be deemed unhealthy. Don't you agree?

De one with Not Having At All

Reality crunch

Think I ought to give myself a pat, congratulate myself abit for being strict on not taking the cab to or from work. Sitting on the bus gave me the luxury of excuse for finishing my Candace Bushnell book. Man, I'm 2/3 through. Wooohoo!

Almost coincidentally, I figured the direct-relationship between the number of days passed CNY, the higher the influx of passengers on the bus, depriving me of sits despite my constant boarding time on the bus to work place. Sigh. *puff of smoke*

Errr.. were my opening paragraphs abit too dramatic? Ok, let's toned down the drama volume. Back to the main objective.

Work was boring. I realise finding things to do is pretty much a toll. Not having anything to do is worst. 5:35pm sharp, I bunk-off. Couldn't wait to get home for a salivating dinner (home-cooked chicken cutlet..bon appetite), so hopped into a cab without 2nd thoughts. Watched Ip Man - a strongly inspiring story. The stunts were awesome.

Prior that, I watched the news. Surprisingly. Oops. Coz usually by the time it's 10, I'm often online. At time, I do visit CNA to check if there's any interesting news. But hey, live news reporting is much more attractive. Ok excuses, I am hardly a "current affairs" person. So what. At least I try.

Anyway, there was a news on unemployment. It's speculated or should I say, forecasted to be worse than previous'. Man.. it's worrying. I recalled a couple of months ago, the Government was coaxing the situation, advising consumers and companies to remain optimistic. I guess, the coax didn't work as everyone knew it was gonna happen and precautional arrangements such as cutting costs, dropping consumption pushed for an earlier economic crisis. I watched the unfolding of worsening events, it worries as much as it is disheartening.

The next was the news of local crime rates. Theft, fraud and rape cases have shown increase for 2008. The funny thing was, it's amazing to learn of the 600+ cases in a nation where security was contempted to be top condition. Guess it is the impractibility of reality.

Then, all of a sudden! The clip of an old granny talking on the handphone. Wuao.. it's not everyday I see this. Maybe daily business for people who hang out at People's Park.. Definately not for me. It occured to me.. oh goodness, the complicity and infinite ascertainty of generation gap. You go man, ah po! (granny in Cantonese)

I read a section in my current reading material, talking of the rich and poor and how the characters associated were filling. It's true, lie's never about the better of both worlds. You have some and lack some. Philosophic talks? Nope. Just realise the ugly side, as well as it is the interesting part of life. Ugly side is realising how limited my life is... interesting part unquestionably derives from how I can breakthrough and live life annoyingly fulfilling.

Time is what we need most which we are lacking. It is a harsh fact that it has to be divided to feed our bank accounts and personal commitments. Usually, the supressed victim might most likely be the latter. The "Wiseman" would advise that this effect can be mitigated (did they dared mentioned eliminated? I don't think so) with time-management. Effective time management that is. Which requires effort and discipline in the initial implementation.

Passing CNY would be frightening. Coz I know for sure, it will be like hour rush thereafter with two solicitors' audit, two special audits and 1 major Church client in my workload responsibility.
Plus Gabriel's yet to finish my UMP review. It's gonna flank in the milst of the forthcoming back-to-back schedule.

With the economy stiff, I wonder if there is gonna be more things to consider in our audit. In fact, I'm abit weary whether I could keep my job. Perhaps... thinking too much. Speaking of which, despite me saying many times, I'm gonna recite it again. I need to monitor my expenditure. Like D said. He bought two pairs of NUM slippers. Had 8 at home. I have 10 pairs lor. I don't seemed to have anything else I could buy. Sigh. Is the shopping list burnt?

As I was saying.. I ought to save for a rainy..no... typhoon weather. Clara and Mohan must be remarking: "Maybe you can begin with making less cab trips"!

De one with Post New Year's Fatigue

Tsukareta desu!
Slogging through two days of work and I'm shagged out. Don't know why I keep having stomach ache (half-weary if it's due to my liver) and my tooth hurts (can't be wisdom tooth ba). Sigh, I wouldn't deny I've become weak after the two weeks of tormenting sick leave.

Yesterday I was chatting on msn and fell asleep on my keyboard. Sigh. That's how shagged I am. But of course, I didn't drool on my lappy.

Yes, tsukareta desu! ("Am tired" in Jap)
Xp

De one with Happy Niu Year

Next age is haunting with its soon-arrival

Chinese New Year is an occasion we Chinese look forward to. Especially the food for some (Ba Gua! Pineapple tarts!), public holiday for others, financial assistance from the Angbaos collection for the children and un-weds, and for traditioned-conservators: Reunion dinner.

Personally, I dread CNY because of having to meet relatives who came to visit and entertaining them. Everytime I receive an Angbao, I have to smile and all those things. NOT THAT I'm rich or rude but largly due to my anti-social nature I guess. Yes, don't remind me of my 2009 resolutions. I have forget about this on the list. But hey, it takes time to change.
So I had a plan. I left for Bintan Lagoon Resort. E had to work during Chu Er, which explains why we had to foregone reunion dinner to arrive at Bintan and came back on Chu Yi evening. How was it you must be wondering. It was ok. I managed to find a spot to swim in the family-congested pool, read with the sea breeze and pitcher of fruit juice, walked along the beach and have plenty of rest.


Only disappointing thing about the getaway was there was no sun for sun-tanning. South East monsoon period. That's why.

I had my postponed reunion dinner that very night I arrived mainland. Made alot of noise. Was looking forward to late-night meeting with the gang which was eventually cancelled due to some commitment-indifference plus KTV (our initial plan) was too expensive.

Met KS, Ivan, Clara and LW this evening for dinner and coffee. During coffee, I felt aloaf because they were engaged in topics which wasn't interesting to me. Clara felt likwise. I changed the topic to having Ivan plan for our next outing. Turns out they "appealed" the discussion for our overseas trip (which was initiated last year).

Ivan responded he visioned himself teaching neuro-linguistic program. Hell what I though bad. Remained totally quiet because he mentioned whatever he's studying is to obtain a cert and thereafter move on for the course. I thought what a messy life-decision he's gotten himself into.

Then we discussed about holiday which I just couldn't understand why is it so difficult for us to behave and be more open-minded like adults and enjoy ourselves with a relaxing trip, outdoor games or the least improvised activities. I know, Ivan and KS ain't interested in beach-scene. Ivan's finance's abit tight due to his heavy investment into courses and books which he has interest and pursues.

I understand but with a limited budget, the enjoyment level wouldn't be there. If they don't want overseas trip. Fine. Outings can still be very fun if we have improvision in our activities. Like self-help games.

On my way home, I then realised how inconsiderate I was. And guilt filled my heart as I understood it is indifference which made our friendship interesting. Else, it'd be monotonous. And its a shame I was selfish thinking others would enjoy what I perceived of activities which would appeal to them.

Best solution. Don't think too deep coz it's not healthy. Live and let live.