De one with Cousin's Wedding

Occasion day

I can't help but feel skeptical about today, most likely much influenced by the grudge my Mummy had for her 2nd elder brother plus post-effect of the notably-disrespectful behavior of their second daughter-in-law at my Mummy's wake.

Well, I am not a person who's like rushy or struggle people's neck because of being late. So I made my point about not necessary to worry about being punctual and consider the liberty of arriving half an hour later the numbers printed in gold in the invitation card. Accurate as expected, the dinner started only an hour after the planned time, although we had arrived 30 minutes late, we find ourselves "acting as flower vases" while we waited for the wedding dinner to commence

Wedding dinner. It's something which was not only the food, the prestige of the venue but also the mingling. I could help but find ways to entertain myself (自high). So I text a few friends, including Ms Clara whom I whined to about being bored and...! Something which I never understand, do I look so old? Clara mentioned of the "age" which arouse questions on when I'm gonna get married. No, they implied this with "When's your turn".

Sigh.. I stick stick to my philosophies that I could hardly earn enough to satisfy my expenditure, what entitles to marrying and taking care of her finances? N' nope! Call my a masochistic chauvinist but I won't let her be the breadwinner. I will never live on her/his/whatever.

I can't help but feel succumbed to the pressure of feeling obliged to get married. Is that what it is? An arranged path in life every guy should take? And choosing a different path would inevitably fail the expectations of your folks and what.. proves you're less than normal?

Gimme a break. I was actually quite pissed because we were sitting in a table of 10. 9 were occupied. So happens I sat at the place where it was accessible for the waiter to serve the dishes. I just don't understand this lady (no..not lady, auntie) didn't have the courtesy/common sense to shift herself into the empyty seat which the waitress obviously couldn't access. I was so pissed, after the second dish, I went MIA, texted my new friend, complained aibt and strolled to Northpoint, in hopes of searching for an ATM.

Turns out Northpoint underwent alot of changes in this 3-4 years since I last visited during all those nightsout with my fellow campmates. The entertainment Centre seemed to be renovated and linked to Northpoint via an underpass. Contructions were on the way to provide more links ans stalls. Omg. There's more variety of stores such as in Xin Wang, Thai Express.. man.. Yishun dwellers are in for a feast.

Jasmine sent an emergency sms to "zhao" me back for the soon-occuring photo shoot. I turned up late and the meal continue. Dinner wasn't good. Partlly pissed so I drank 4 glasses of red wine. Think it was Merlot. Hell, not my favourite Shiraz.

Dishes wasn't fantastic. First dish was ok. Cold platter. Second was Sharks fins. The third onwards involved steamed fish, prawns, abalones, mushrooms which I obviously do not fancy. The personally deemed edible was the shark fins, lotus brown rice and hashima.

Apart from those edible food, I enjoyed greeting all the elders. Something we are pretty proud of because we have advantage of recognising the elders by their faces and deliver them our respect through our initiative greeting. Chinese customs. Else, people might think lowly of your up-bringing when you fail to greet them first. Especially the elders. These folks might feel offended and disrespected.

Too bad, certain family members were absent. Else, my part of the family would be complete. Thing might have been different.

I premiered my Tiffany Ring tonight. Perfect as it is but I couldn't help but feel I ought to get another with prominent blings blings!

De one with Rekindled with Joy

Something electric blue and white

Took a breath and smile to paced through the welcoming doors.. 4 minutes for love at first sight.. another 11 minutes-filled with decision-making before I finally own a little gift to perk my mood up during this uninteresting life.

The first thing I presented to my granny when I first got home..

The colors on a delicate tiny bag - the first wave of thrill...

Box outta the bag!

Here it is, my precious (brother to my granny's ring)

I'm not rich nor well-to-do. Not showing off either. Just innocently something I've always wanted. The Atlas within touch - radiance, otherwise given by the love-filled ring from my endearing granny.

De one with Unspoken Memories

Over the brim: 2003 - 2007

"Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed"

Remember the wetness smeared my face, sustained by a painful source filled-within. Remember the weariness and nerve-wrecking tremble when the feeling of losing acid beneath thy skin. Remember the collapse of self-composure, evidenced nothing but triumph of shame.


"Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed"

Staring into blankness as I slouched in bed/couch with visions blurred with chalking liquid. All but numbness. Perhaps that was lost that's un-writtable. The heart-aching songs about breakup (mostly Jay Chou and Ah-mei) played wildly like a jukebox in my head. The scars continues to burn as though it had been fresh-wounded; the taste... of paracetamol lurking at the back of thy throat; and the memorable nausea from E3 and p-Extra.


"Some say love, it is a hunger - an endless aching need"

Visiting the gallery of love-doves ain't easy. One of the 7 sins will cloud thy mind if I fail to take power-naps or stick my nose into a book. Like oxygen to the deprived, the strong desires and never ending grasp for abundance in order to survive.


"I say love, it is a flower. And you, it's only seed"

Like a current aroused... the first pulse after resuscitation... the upbeat of the baton before the first beat... the click of the opened lock.. before the rest commence.


"It's the heart, afraid of breaking that never learns to dance"

Felt as if my heart was strucked by that very wane of the Ice Queen from Narnia. A heart like marsh-mellows suddenly frozen with the touch of an Antarctica breeze. Words likes : I don't know if I can do this.. You're sweet and nice person to be with.. it's just.. well, I'm not really seeking a relationship at this moment in time. After you know, my past encounters of disappointment" surfaced even though I knew it'd break that person's heart and letting that person go through the agony which I loathed.

Dilemma, afraid, uncertainty, doubts and submerging faith.


"It's the dream, afraid of waking that never takes the chance"

Staying status quo. That's what everybody wants. Of all, between you and me, I want. I was so clouded it failed to allow me to realise the significant support and love of people who cared most for us in the long run... or someone, the perfect fit.


"It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give"

Recall someone I showered with gifts and efforts but never show any appreciation nor give anything in return. All those smiles were heart-contenting. Folly me was too over-smittened I never realise, that person's heart wasn't with me. Hence..


"And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live"

Fearing what could happen even before I allow myself to start. IT IS SCARY and that's nothing I could do.


"When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long"

Travelling back from work. On board the 40 minutes bus journey. Sobs to the music...
Don't even dare to cry. It's gonna be embarrassing. It's so pathetic and miserable.

"And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong"

The confident, the charming and the popular are the rightful owners of love. Not me. Not me.


"Just remember, in the winter far beneath the bitter snows"

Adam Smith was right. There's a guiding hand to almost eveyrthing in life. I derived a alternative view to religion. It's a believe that possibly guides you to something.


"Lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring, becomes the rose"


Blog it, lock it and throw the key away. Goodbye, sad memories.

* Picture in courtesy of ACP.

De one with Bull-Mad!

Fuming Sunday

Early morning I accompanied my granny to the community centre for this luncheon event which she had been asked to join during her weekly senior citizens' gathering at the void-decks earlier. Everything was fine, i got some time to spend while sending her safety despite the hot sun wasn't friendly. Then, the drama unfold when we arrived.

You see, they never specify or send out any notification pamplets to inform these senior citizens to bring along their ICs for verification purpose. The bloody counter-"statues" (these aunties who obviously have not been trained) keep insisting we produce the IC and keeps denying release of the entrance ticket for my granny. I kept my cool and suggested my granny's name was on that list they have and verification could be done alternatively through verbal verification. What's so difficult? Denied again.

All the rage burst out, I never knew I was so angry until I heard the table banged. It was the sound of my fist landing on the table as I demanded they tell me who the organiser was. Then all I heard was my voice loud as thunder. My first priority was to get my granny into the hall, so I thought it'd wouldn't help arguing with them, left with no choice, I told my granny I'll go back to fetch her IC. As I left in fury, echoes of words threaded behind me as I chanted "I"M GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM!" together with the furious soul in my mind.

I got back, grabbed my granny's IC, together with a marker and a piece of paper which I intend to write down the counter-fool's (may Judas bless her family and future generations) name. Those haggs ought to be grateful to my granny who got me to cease all these troubles I'm gonna cause.

Apparently that didn't quench my angry. I headed home, took a cold bath to wash off my perspiration before I set down, looked up ST, websites for all the emails I could get to shoot my complaints about the disappointing encounters earlier.

Obviously this was atrocity. Never had I ever loose my cool before in public. Blood old and cocky hags who thinks they are in-charge just because they hold some name list and have the tickets. It's such a disgrace to those organisers who got these incompetent people to do the job. Social-well being programmes for the senior citizens and your staff turn away these elderly people, demanding them to go back to bring their ICs. Their rude attitude. Man.. These are old people we are talking about. You expect them to travel back and forth for some stupid lunch while you sit comfortably at the counters? Thank goodness I was there with my granny, else what would she have done?

While I was there I observed an old lady who brought her IC but just because her name wasn't on the list (I presumed she must have been here because of some verbal arrangement with her peers). And she was rejected flat and shunned away by the counter-hags! What's this?

Social failure! Sponsors, donors and taxpayers are funding such flopped programmes? You've gotta be kidding!!

De one with HMD

Dedicated to one of the person I loved the most

Happy mother's day Mummy. My love and appreciation for you will continue, growing year after year as I age. I just wished you were here to read these words yourself.

With luv from your son,
Ja

De one with Spaces (OVA)

"Maybe.. it's all disappointment", these words echoed through the skull like a weakening banshee shriek. At this moment, the bloodcells fluttered away. The angel stuffed clouds into his microscopic eyes and crouched himself into the cave of my right ear. The devil hung upside-down within my left armpit. Its red-glowing tail wrapped his fork to free his arms, now cupped tightly around his mischieviously pointed ears.

Although great, the impact of noise pollution on the closest audience were minimal. All Jasons were too moody to be affected. Some buried their heads in their hands. Some sulking in a corner, being emo. The rest were staring blankly at each other or looking at the thalamus who just delivered the notion.

The 2 seconds of silence after the dissipation of sound got Jasons to smile and nod their heads to contemplate agreement. All but one who made himself within thoughts in an instance. "Hold up!" he spoke with firm but pleasant voice. Everybody looked at him.

Cool was the obvious word to describe this stranger who had advocated the notion. The lips parted in anticipation, like that of a superstar taking a half-beat breathe before hitting the next beat. And he spoke again.. "Why are you feeling sorry for yourself again. It is a sign of weakness - letting down the glittering skin in response to a declining level of self-security. Things ain't so bad. If there are spaces in your life, I'll fill them up for you."

He allowed a plause as though to substantiate the power of his statement before he continued.. "It doesn't matter if life's working out for you. What's important is how you deal with it which you know you could, with/without other's approval. You are capable of employing strength to withstand all these nonsensibility."

"By law of Science, one can't fly without wings. Even if a human have wings, he wouldn't be able to fly. In the name of Imagination, you have a halo and a burning heart. These are two pocessions you need to keep you going. Things might be grey but the silver..no... the platinum lining will appear and you will make it appear. Just give yourself time and calm down abit to help you concentrate and better understand what's before you."

"You are made for this, Jason. I know you best. You are special in a way", he affirmed with a eye-wink and "V" hand gesture.

De one with Spaces

Reading a book without words;
Run a cracked road without shoes;
Draw without materials;

Songs without lyrics;
Air without oxygen;
Night without lights;

"Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete"

Jason's definately not flying without wings.

Maybe.. it's disappointment. All in favour? Jasons smile and agreed.

De one with How Could I Be So Stupid

Halfwitted!

How could I be so stupid? I actually made such a silly careless mistake in my taxation paper. Faint! It's gonna cause me 25marks. Out of a total of 70 marks! Sigh.. No use being optimistic now. What a great price to pay to learn the lesson of not being careless.

x'(

De one with GraciouSinapore

Bird's eye view or not

Hardly got the time to read news papers since I hadn't got much time to care about my appearance. Surprisingly, this news article in Sunday Times Life pulled my attention as naturally as though there was an unavoidable electromagnetic force. And I felt there was something to blog about.

This interesting article, maybe within expectation and has low "informational content" to some, revolved around recent criticisms toward Singaporeans, pin-pointing none other than their virtues of graciousness.

In my opinion, since the criticisms were generalised, I honestly feel the general lot of us are not as bad as what others are perceived about us.

It is a fact that Singaporeans are not expressively-demonstrating how or what a few are expecting of us (due to their past experience/encounters at their hometowns, backgrounds) or others commenting for the sake of doing so. Well, that's primarily because our early generations are guarded with strict obeservations of chinese cultures. But, thing is, we do not have any regulations on "graciousness" or was it a line in the "mantra".

If I ever have the chance to meet her, I'd have told her, "Please, honestly, I don't think you have the looks which most customers would require your service. Perhaps its your half-past-six attitude which customers wanna avoid you."

In respect to the above, the crucial part is to ellaborate on the differences between "salesperson", "sales assistant" and a "service-provider".

The first can be performed by any Tom, Dick and Henry or Jane, Lily or Mary. He/she is someone who has engage anybody who brings a foot into the shop and they have an infallible attitude that it's "gracious" to welcome and tag around the customer like scrotch-tape, and because of this, they expect the customers to react to such displeasing service.

"Sales assistant" are the objective role of anybody in the sales industry. They provide assistance only when the customers acquire implyingly or vocally expressed. They do what's within their duty of service. They still greet when the customers patron the shop but they establish respect for customers, maintaining distance from the customers so as not to perturb the customers in their browsing period.

Finally, the most adored are "service provider" (*slap slap, not talking about redlight or pornstars), these are sales assistants who go beyond the expected responsibilities of their jobs. They obeserve and understand their customer prior having their attitude and knowledge are efficiently employed to gain customers' trust, allowing for service values.

I shop alot. Greetings are ok. I always smile in acknowledgement and give a slight nod to show modesty. I don't like "salesperson" hawking around as though I am a prey. It irritates me when I'm browsing. The ace mistake is salespersons fail to give customers browsing time which otherwise led to their buying decisions after certain period of consideration. When you "bite" your customers, your pressence as a stranger perturbs your customers and it causes them discomfort and spoils their shopping. The next flaw is when I try to get attention and you fail to meet. That means you're not fulfiling basic responsibility. Of course, it's forgivable when there's more than 4 customers. But anywhere less than that, you're a goner man.

There are occassions when customers like to "ga ki lai" (self-service in Hokkien). Respect the customers. Service providers don't criticise about customers' attitude. Even uneducated cab-drivers don't think that of passengers. So I think the girl who feedback in the newspaper, I bet there's nobody around and you "bite" the customers. You fail to recognised the customer's browsing. Or you're just not professional enough to recognise the customer and complaining (no.. more like whinning) like Singaporean of "low tolerance".

Not refering to current affairs and legitimate world news, press are the inevitable culprit. They do selective publishing of surveys they obtain. Anyway, I've studied perceptive behaviours and social accounting. Both share a flawed that their empirical studies are often limited. The way article are phrases and headlined play tricks on the reader's heuristics. Here', let me share anchoring and changing heuristics. It primarily states that decision makers often based on first/initial impression and only make little adjustments with subsequent readings/materials pertaining to the same topic. Not only does the reader get attracted to read an article due to the large and bold-printed headlines, it often creates a first impression in their minds. Jackie Chan didn't specifically say "Singaporeans do not have self-respect (completely)". He meant "Singaporeans are do not possess enough self-respect." Not having and not having enough are two different thing. Readers are sensitive towards such inarticulated reporting. Remember, what you write/say has an impact on others. The responsible thing here is to question ourselves the consequences of releasing what we want to say, without compromising our freedom of speech. Generalisation are for immature arguist only.

There's nothing wrong with what Jackie Chan said. I personally feel he did not comment. That guy's merely raising an off-hand example to deliver what he's trying to say about Chinese. Well.. that guy's wrong in his example too la. We all know banning chewing gum is totally irrelevant to issue of self-respect. The government banned chewing gum because it was an environmental problem. And that led to successful "Clean and Green Singapore" campaign.

It is true Singapore is a government-regulated. I think Jack Neo's films have shown it all. What I need to comment is without regulations, there's gonna be greater disparity, more political frauds and less insecurity as compared to you-know-whom-I'm-talking-about. There was a comment about us living in a spoilt society. Think about it, certain regulations have affected us to be like this.

We are gracious (we have four races living together, what do other countries have). Just not polite enough if we compare ourselves to the Japanese. This is an inevitable fate as the nation continues to indulge itself to constant role-perceptions and deemed-standards under influence from world politics and international competitiveness, without considering cultural awareness. Like I said, there are no laws written in social-contract, double-laws, bible or mantra punishing people for deemed-ungraciousness. I don't think it is even mentioned in the Codex Gigas.

Relating back to the article, I do agree with a few comments therein about being "a matured-society". One of the gracious way is to keep our minds open and embrace any good or bad comments in the best way we can. We won't wanna take on a cynical countryman criticism, don't we.

De one with Twins

Wish upon a star

People think I'm being absurd when I mention how it'd be like if I ever had a twin brother. More than usual, their replies synchronise with those of my family members', implying somewhere along the line "goodness, having you alone is enough. Another would be un-manageable." I pondered over this sometime in my life. Till date, it's amusing and regretful as I haven't got a clear reason to justify these comments. Couldn't bother asking or getting further feedbacks. Nevertheless, gut feeling tells me most probably the reasons were derived from my intolerable temper; particularly fussy/articulatedly-picky; extravagent spender!

Hmm.. *hand on my chin* I supposed there are so much interesting issues to talk about him. Let's start with the first crucial issue - his name. My chinese name was given by a Priest (bet you guess never know this right..). "Jason" was bestowed by Daddy. "Jimson" is my late younger brother's name. So here we see a similarity of having our christian/nickname (since we are not baptised or pleaged Christians) starting with "J" and ending with "son". The third generations of my family observes a practice of starting names with "J".

Considering the above, my twin brother might have been named either Jackson/Jenson. Don't you agree Jack and Jason kinda go along pretty well? The former is traditionally deviated from "John" which means "God is grecious". The latter means "Lord's salvation". How about Johnson - too overrated and commercialised. His chinese name.. let's see.. might be Yong Wen. That's the initial name my late Mummy wanted for me. She wanted me to excel academically. Guess my twin brother can do that.

Settled with the name, what kinda character and personality my twin brother would possess? There might be a chance that he could be out-going, outspoken yet well behaved and more intelligent compared to me - An opposite image of me although we might look exactly the same. These assumptions are drawn from my late brother who's somewhat like I've described above. Speaking of other qualitative characteristic like thriftiness, I suppose he might be superior. He better be! *Lightbulb blink* That might be a reason why the Priest gave me a name to suppress my spendthrift ignorance.

Similarities? Apart from looks (arha! that attributes two vain boys yes.. the angel and devil on my shoulders share the same view that our vanity will remain *smuggle*), I think we would be pretty competitive in whatever we do in life, being left-handed and our interests in art may be the same too! Arty-tacky is an attribution of Mummy's genes. Finally, discipline and kindness will remain too mainly due to the same family upbringing we received.

What about giving thought to how my twin brother will affect my life? I'd most likely have more accompany without having to fret over not having someone who better understand me and get along with without any conflicts in almost everything. I watched national geographic about this possible, sophisticated telepathic experiences between twins. It's amazing when one of them feels something, the other will have the same experience too. We could have shared so much things, ranging from clothings, toys, maybe some common interests. Or enjoy confusing others with our lookalike-ness. Hehe. Or better, the knowledge each of us attained!

I always have a silly thought that in the event I was in trouble with chinese examinations., my brother could sit the paper for me. Of course, it's foolish having considered both of us are most likely taking the same paper at the same time. We'd most probably attend the same school so we could have each other's accompany to counter the complex-inferiority on first day of school.

Also, I mean, think about it. Everything I spent on now would have been better and economically utilised through double usability, duo-value due to the existence of my twin brother. Haha.

Our future prospects might converge. We could have both studied accountancy, obtain CPA and establish a Firm together. Wuao. Pretty cool huh.

Most importantly, we would have each other's console, look out for each other through thick and thin. I find that nobody would understand me better than my twin brother. Moreover, family ties are strongest in times of departures. Having a twin brother would be a dream come true!