De one with Unspoken Memories

Over the brim: 2003 - 2007

"Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed"

Remember the wetness smeared my face, sustained by a painful source filled-within. Remember the weariness and nerve-wrecking tremble when the feeling of losing acid beneath thy skin. Remember the collapse of self-composure, evidenced nothing but triumph of shame.


"Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed"

Staring into blankness as I slouched in bed/couch with visions blurred with chalking liquid. All but numbness. Perhaps that was lost that's un-writtable. The heart-aching songs about breakup (mostly Jay Chou and Ah-mei) played wildly like a jukebox in my head. The scars continues to burn as though it had been fresh-wounded; the taste... of paracetamol lurking at the back of thy throat; and the memorable nausea from E3 and p-Extra.


"Some say love, it is a hunger - an endless aching need"

Visiting the gallery of love-doves ain't easy. One of the 7 sins will cloud thy mind if I fail to take power-naps or stick my nose into a book. Like oxygen to the deprived, the strong desires and never ending grasp for abundance in order to survive.


"I say love, it is a flower. And you, it's only seed"

Like a current aroused... the first pulse after resuscitation... the upbeat of the baton before the first beat... the click of the opened lock.. before the rest commence.


"It's the heart, afraid of breaking that never learns to dance"

Felt as if my heart was strucked by that very wane of the Ice Queen from Narnia. A heart like marsh-mellows suddenly frozen with the touch of an Antarctica breeze. Words likes : I don't know if I can do this.. You're sweet and nice person to be with.. it's just.. well, I'm not really seeking a relationship at this moment in time. After you know, my past encounters of disappointment" surfaced even though I knew it'd break that person's heart and letting that person go through the agony which I loathed.

Dilemma, afraid, uncertainty, doubts and submerging faith.


"It's the dream, afraid of waking that never takes the chance"

Staying status quo. That's what everybody wants. Of all, between you and me, I want. I was so clouded it failed to allow me to realise the significant support and love of people who cared most for us in the long run... or someone, the perfect fit.


"It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give"

Recall someone I showered with gifts and efforts but never show any appreciation nor give anything in return. All those smiles were heart-contenting. Folly me was too over-smittened I never realise, that person's heart wasn't with me. Hence..


"And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live"

Fearing what could happen even before I allow myself to start. IT IS SCARY and that's nothing I could do.


"When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long"

Travelling back from work. On board the 40 minutes bus journey. Sobs to the music...
Don't even dare to cry. It's gonna be embarrassing. It's so pathetic and miserable.

"And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong"

The confident, the charming and the popular are the rightful owners of love. Not me. Not me.


"Just remember, in the winter far beneath the bitter snows"

Adam Smith was right. There's a guiding hand to almost eveyrthing in life. I derived a alternative view to religion. It's a believe that possibly guides you to something.


"Lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring, becomes the rose"


Blog it, lock it and throw the key away. Goodbye, sad memories.

* Picture in courtesy of ACP.