De one with Extremely Tired Saturday

Rain falling from the Sky all day

Yesterday night, I had supper with Clara at Boon Keng's Mac Donalds. Before even meeting her, I was kinda affected by Sweet's sms that Sweet couldn't meet me for the weekend. Well, disappointed I was as that will mean that we have to postpone our anniversary dinner later. And I really miss Sweet alot.

Nevertheless, I was self-enlightened that I had to be understanding. I should be considerate about Sweet's tireness instead of being selfish and demanding Sweet's lovingness and attention. I wanted to say alot of things to Sweet these few days. Since we've not been meeting, the only way to maintain our bond via our mobile phone. But I refrain myself from tiring Sweet even more with my messages and let Sweet had an early rest.

I was really exhausted today. Just couldn't figure out why I feel so restless today. Nothing happened much since it was raining, lonely boy stayed at home all day and thinking of Sweet all the time. Slept most of the day. Watched "Bourne Supremacy" on vcd. Stupid right? Haha.. Perhaps I'm overly-infected with love-sickness. There were times I ponder is it because I love people too much until they are afraid of loving me.

Sigh... Hmm.. I'm too stress, that's why my thoughts are wandering lost. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just need to learn how to bottle everything up again, that's all...

De one with Day After 2nd Monthiversary

Light showers

Today happens to be 1 day after 2nd Monthiversary for Sweet and me.. 2 days after 15 months since my late-mummy departed..

I miss these two people who I hold dearly to my heart...undeniably alot.

As both Sweet and I were busy with our respective commitments, we couldn't meet until this Saturday to celebrate a belated 2nd Monthiversary. Sigh. I was so stressed with my exam preparation yesterday that I didn't realise it was the 14th of the month. It was Sweet who reminded me in an sms when I was on my way to AMK library in the drizzle. I feel so terrible I kept apologising. Anyway, I took time to draw a heart shape made up of "Happy Monthiversary! 140 Love 4eva 706" and mms it to Sweet.

:: Sorry Sweet. Happy Monthiversary.

I've been busy mugging for my mid-semesters exams. Well.. for Econs1016's MCQ test, I got 28/30. Today was demoralising. ACCT2060 paper was really tough. Although I've studied, upon exam, I couldn't recall most of what I've cramped. Sigh. After exam everybody feels so happy. I felt so unintelligent and self-discriminated lor... I used to feel this post-exam disappointment was I was in Jc.. Just little did I realise that the feeling is so instantaneous..
Omg. Anyway, I know it, I didn't do well.

What made the day more worse was my Ipod mini dropped out of my folder in after exam. Fortunately, some kind soul picked it up and handled it to the our lecturer Daniel Tan, who then announced the "Lost and Found" when our accounting lecture resumed after a post-exam short break.

Sweet replied me and consoled me. I was really thankful for that.

What a "screwed-up" day for me. Due to this, I feel so gloomy the whole day. Life's path is so rocky for me. Alot of aspects I've been working hard but I find myself getting a result not as what I've expected. Stress too. Believe it or not, it's drizzling again. It always seemed to drizzle or rain whenever I feel depressed. It didn't take very long before Jay Chou's "Xin Yu" start playing in my head as I start to "stone" again.

After lecture, Guan Hui wanted us to go for lunch and catch a movie. So we end up having lunch at our campus' canteen before watching "Banquet", 2pm at Westmall Eng Wah. It's not a bad show. A show depicting the desire, ambition and crave for power; love.

It stars Zhang Ziyi as the Prince Wu Luan's gf, who end up getting married upon the liking of the Emperor. The Emperor's younger brother assassinated the Emperor to gain his status as Emperor and the current Empress.

In the milst of conspiracy within the court, there are three distinctive love protrayed in the movie: Jealousy and struggling undying pragmatic love (of the Empress for the Prince) Innocent love (of the Grand Advisor's daughter Qing Yu towards the Prince); and genuine affection between the brother and sister.

The ending? Zhang Zi Yi became Emperor as the Prince and sinister Emperor died during the Banquet on an inauspicious date. The rising Phoenix aka Zhang Zi Yi got assassinated. However the assassinator wasn't shown.

Halfway through the movie, Sweet gave me a call. I was overwhelmed with absolute guilt since I didn't message Sweet and update Sweet of my where-abouts (as it's a form of mutual transparency to each other in our relationship). I feel so afraid, will Sweet not tell me where and who Sweet is going out with, next time? Of course, whenever I have doubts whether Sweet will leave me, I keep reminding myself that I should and will trust Sweet.

Besides this, I was afraid will Sweet misinterpret that I am "depreciating" my attitude towards our relationship which I promise I have and will never do so. I'm sweet-loving and faithful.

Sigh. Nowadays I'm so cautious about my words and expression. I just don't want Sweet to feel that I'm starting my "depression" and quarrel-inducing demerits. Mentally stressed and emotionally-fragile and insecured, I really need lots and lots of support and love. Sigh. Exam sucks.

De one with A Metaphor Expression

Sweet

If our relationship is an examination paper
And you're the subject or module

It's really gonna be highly unpredictable for me to get a distinction

Because your syllabus is ever changing
I may have come for exam with a totally different knowledge

Each time I sit for the examination
Instructions are ever-changing that I'll never get to anticipate it right
Except I'm in luck by chance

Different attempts at it requires to be answered
in different language, answering style &
even undetermined type of written material (pen/marker/projector writer/pencil)
and various colour of ink permitted for use

Some attempts I am so lost,
I leave a blank (when I keep quiet),
I'll get an immediate "zero"

Sometimes the print is not clear (whenever you hardly being loving to me)
I get sad and insecure
because I am afraid of failing

When I fail (when I do/say things that made u angry)
I have to do "corrections" (reviewing after calming down)
Then I'll realise how stupid, regretful I am
For making the mistake

When I fail badly,
I feel ultimately depressed.
When you're so easy to pass,
I scored high-spiritedly!

Yet I can't drop this subject/modue (I can't break up with you)
Because it's mandatory once I've take it
Otherwise, I wouldn't graduate

It is how unassuming the examination and module can be
That's why I'm worried most of the time
whether I'll even achieve a pass...

De one with I've Lost It [Emolings]

Silent twilight

I feel so helpless. I'm really unsure of self-control. Feels terrible.
I swore I'll never cry for anybody else anymore..however, it's really hurtful inside.. I feel as if I've lost control of your attention for me.. As if I'm a toy discarded into one of your "organising box" and soon-to-be-forgotten by you, Sweet...

I happened to be reading all the past sms-es which Sweet sent me. I was so touched to tears. Nearly 2 months ago, Sweet never fails to message me daily..every now and then, as if I'm so indispensible in Sweet's life. In all the sms, Sweet impressed and made me feel so important to Sweet.

Alot of people would agree.. similar to my own experience that things fade.. love and feelings fades too over time? I know, if I ask Sweet, Sweet will just rebut me, saying "if you keep looking back, you'll never move on"...

Sigh..

It's really a great difference. It's undeniable for me to feel I'm suddenly "de-valued" in the heart -positioning of Sweet. Pardon me but all the eroding actions tells me so..

I tried very hard..*sobs*..to block all these but it's just so obvious.. It's becoming more and more difficult..

Perhaps Sweet's distracted.. I really don't know. I'm afraid to say, otherwise Sweet will just slap me with saying I'm not trusting and doubting Sweet.

Don't you see..you've changed.. I really don't know how to express it but everything's becoming distanc-ing from me.. I really can't help feeling insecure..

Yet i'm really afraid to say it to you because you'll just get annoyed that I'm just another person sticking to you. Which I never. I just want very much..things to be the same sweet and passionate. Without having you to doubt me, argue with me, mis-understanding and/or ill-thinking that I'm being unreasonable, giving you nonsense or being demanding and imposing my expression of love, relationship on you. Thereby making you feel oppressed and withdrawn from me.

The worst will be you just simply saying you want me to give up since I can't accept whatever you changed to as you deemed yourself to be. It's plainly an insult everytime you label me as someone who you can simply have no feelings and offer me choices to stay or leave you.

You know that I'm not able to give up..I've always find it awfully miserable to let go...
Sigh..

Perhaps is it because of my grave mistake? my concerns which is perceived to be a dreadful negativity or pessimistism that made you became this way.. It's been since then you started to disregard me as a lover-you-can't-do-without-with and start to flare at me.. and the "stigma"

Perhaps I'm really not that important in your life?

Or perhaps (this may be the most pragmatic reason) that you're too tired with your life again...

I really really really really really really miss the old ever-concerning, loving, more accomodating Sweet who seems to want, need and ethusiastically love me more than anything else for the moment (which you never seemed to want it to end)..

I can't cry (I'll be crazy if I smile now).. I can't break up (I love you so dearly).. I can't deny this awareness (because it's evident.. and I knew we were so much happier then..that we didn't even quarrel back then simply due to our commitment to laughter and love).. I'm really devasted when I find myself running out of choices..

Sorry. I just don't like things to deteriorate.. If it's me to blame for your behaviour now.. I didn't mean it to be.. How I wish I have the ability to turn back time.

Then again.. I'm not going to board over it. This feeling and realisation are just like a passing shower..

As the saying goes

"Do unto others what you would have them do unto you"

Sweet..i'm in continual to love you. Despite whatever or how undesirable or unsatisfying you treated me, my love has only increase or remained the same as ever. I'm trying my best to curb with my vocalness and comfortability being with you. Of course, in doing so, I've caused some disappointment and unhappiness to you. I'm trying.. I've never stopped..

That's why I treasure you.. I chase after you whenever you walk off in anger..
That's also why.. I braved this entry online..

All in all, I am not demanding or expecting you to grant me more.. but let's work this out to revive our "honeymood period" and make it day to day, anniversary to anniversary..

De one with Still... (color-coded edition)

Doubts, argument, regret and tears from de heart

Two days in a day's weather...

Friday everything was good. Skipped half day of lecture just to be with Sweet. It's irrational but it's an urge to spend more time. A gateaway...with Sweet. Went sun bathing. Everything was like a typical sunny day to begin with.

Afternoon, we went to Westmall do lunch at Mayim. I got my idol's lastest CD. "Still Fantasy". I was supposed to be overjoyed. I was. However, Sweet spoil it all, asking whether is it neccessary to listen to the newly bought cd after having importing the songs into my ipod mini.

:: Funny.. Everytime I'm sad, I'll feel better after listening to Jay Chou's songs. However now... today.. haiz.

Though night came, it feels like calming late-afternoon. We had a simple dinner at Ang Mo Kio Central's hawker. Went home to have a lovely night together.

The next day, though the sun shined all day.. the entire day feels like night time. Early morning I was doubtful. Sweet and I had an argument. In which Sweet really said something very hurting. At the instant, I learnt something for that moment. Gracefully, I was brave enough to let Sweet go...instead of holding on to Sweet like a child refusing to let go of his toy..

Of course, we didn't go seperate ways. Went to Suntec for lunch at Sizzler. Fruit Salad and grilled Dory Fish. After that, went to see joit-stick incense at Fu Lu Shou Building before proceeding to Capitol.

Went Funan Centre to walk around and shop for a folder casing for my lappy. In vain, both of us decided to have a resting stop at TCC.

Took 2 buses for prayers at the Thai temple at Bukit Merah. This time round, I really prayed to the 4-faced Deva wholeheartedly. Inside my heart, I was crying out.. for the Great Brahma to cure me of my obsessive pocessiveness, pessimistism. It was the very first time, I made a donation, in hope of making my prayers valid. That moment, I was really overwhelmed with helplessness and desperation for my imperfectness and any immoral deeds and thoughts.

Watched Singapore Dreaming at Westmall. It was a close-to-hearts for most adult Singaporeans. It presents the pragmatism "dreams and desire" in our life: Wealth, Material wants, status and acedemic achievement. It features how we cope with our adversaries and in times of bad, especially the emotional and pyschological impact the unexpectable departure of our loved ones. I was shakened by the scenes of the customs and rituals depicted. It beared so much resemblance that I couldn't help shedding tears from de heart. Of course, I was holding my tears again.

On my way home, I got something rid from my chest to Sweet.... we had an argument. The storm begin. I lost my rationality and did something which I didn't want to: I went down to Sweet's house..to clear things up..which was really foolish. I really regret my grave mistake and incontrollable act of foolishness...

I always feel whatever I do, it's always as if i'm responsible for others, especially the one I love alot. As a result, indirectly, I feel so committed, I end up doing things or saying things which only hurts the relationship. I always feel inadequate about myself. Like no matter how much I do is never enough. I break down alot of times. I love to cry. Especially so, silently.

Nobody knows how miserable I feel inside because I never shed a tear nor express it on my facial appearance...

It's suffocating. As if I'm in an unlimited debt to love and the person who I hold so dearly to my heart. Everytime I quarrel or get screwed by Sweet, I feel utterly insecure. It's so fearful. As if if I let go, it will be as though someone slicing off a large piece of my heart. What's left of me is profused flooding blood of despair..which will never end..

It's me, not you, who don't know how to love a person geuinely..again..

:: Great..what a big loser I am..Yesterday made Sweet angry.. early morning, ah-ma is showing her displease over me leaving the house in the middle of the night without telling her.. I'm better off dead..

De one with The After-life

Foggy Thursday morning

I believe most of us will never have an accurate answer to what happens in the after-life. To expand the discussion more.. let's ask ourselves even further what will we feel, see, hear or feel in that instant before we take our last breath on Earth.

From young, heavily subjected to media influence, all our "answers" to the after-life were manipulated or in a nicer term, "cultivated" us to have this common innocent perception that the after-life is all about going to heaven or hell. Of course, that goes without saying, if the entire actions and deeds done in tht lifetime of the person, in account of his character, would justify and determine his/her spirit to be dedicated to whichever realm.

No offence however, it's rather amusing why people tend to describe less of heaven but more of hell. Can't get what i'm saying? People usually give a very vid description about Heaven, as a place where there's endless pleasure, freedom and ever good life. Comically ironical, people tend to give more details of Hell.. as a place deemed to be utterly undesirable; a dreadful place of monsters, evil and forever darkness; a place of unspeakable torture and destruction. Perhaps one reason is to create the fear and trick young people to do less evil deeds bah!

My own perception of heaven and hell was greatly influenced by Chinese shows shown on television. Hell was rule by the Taoism Hell Lord. What left deep impression were the existence of the rippers "niu tou ma mian" and the 18 levels of Hell. It's really frightening. From young, I used to have a series of the same nightmare, of being chased after by these two rippers, one with the head of a buffelo and the other, the face of a stallion. As for the 18 levels of Hell, it always sends a chilling shiver whenever I got exposed to it. It shows the consequence of doing too much unforgivable evil and naughtiness of an after-life. Omg!

Heaven on the other hand, was a place of peace and it's where, I think, the Gods are living. It's a place where you're expected to see people flying around. What an naive thinking!

As I've grown older, I my prespective of the after-life changed greatly. Having read Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morris, it deeply altered my impressions. That the after-life isn't about the end of a life but the beginning of another stage in life. That it's continuous. Even before reading the book, I've always wondered why the Black people in Alabama times, never grief but celebrate the death of a person in the community. It means freedom for these departed souls who were slaves when alive.

Recently, Sweet presented me with Buddhism approach that the after-life is nothing but a wave-length or frequency that is transferred over and over again. That the source of life is eternal, only the medium (the body form) is temporary. Personally, I feel this approach has similar properties as reincarnation. That the after-life will be the repeating of a life cycle. A person dies at one point in time. At this very same point in time, another life is born aka reincarnated life of that which has just ended. In layman term, it's like passing the baton in a never-ending race.

However, what have not changed about my prespective about the after-life is that humans never escape the judgement of our deeds. Or Karma in the sense of Buddhism. In addition, the idea of Hell and Heaven or another place which the departed soul temporarily exist, still remains.. perhaps in memory of my childishness. Oops.

Those who have read Mitch Albom's "5 People You meet in Heaven" wouldn't agree less that in that instance of death, everything in life becomes clear before you. Your whole life would be presented before you in that mere spark of seconds. That you're enlightened with the Truth and understanding about everything that happened in your life. It's hard to believe but well.. what's more practical for my personal view is that...

It's greatly common that you will feel some regrets that there's so much things which you want to do but you've reached your limit in life. It's the moment you discovered you have no shame or embarrassment in admitting to your grave mistakes. It's the moment in life which you'll have someone to shed a tear for you, realising how deeply they love you and recognising your existence and giving their fullest attention to you.

At this moment what will you see? Some will say you'll see a light which guides your soul to wherever you're supposed to go. Well.. I think one think for certain is you'll see total darkness, hear and feel nothing at the instant you depart.

Wuao..so much for discussing the afterlife in the morning!

De one with After so Long

Sunny day

Today Marcoeconomics lecture was postponed to Friday..looks like it's gonna be a tough long day on Friday! I went jogging in the morning.

First thing first which surprised me was Sweet calling me to tell me that Sweet's taking the day off. I was atonished but recovered happy that we're finally meeting each other once again!

We spent some quality time at my house before enjoying a buffet lunch at Sakae J8. Sweet was down with flu, thereby everything became unsatisfying tasty for Sweet. Well.. we did manage to get our STUDENT RATE for the buffet..that was something to be glad about!

We then proceed to Yishun for a movie. Monster House. Pretty disappointing Pixel Production. Sweet find that it's lame. I couldn't agree more. Well.. but it's the accompany which made it worthwhile. One funny thing happened today in the cinema. You see, both of us requested for a seat in the back row. "T" was the last row. Apparantly when we got our seating tickets, we realised a family sat mistakenably in our seats. So we choose to sit on the other stall of sits. It was pretty nerve-griping. Even when the show started, everytime we see audiences making their way up near our row, we get so uptight and alert whether we might be just siting in their seats. Hehe!

We then went to Westmall for Sweet's collection of Sweet's newly made spectacles. Rather nice but I thought the side frames were too thick and that the shape of the specs made Sweet's face more "V". Sweet kept complaining the lenses were too thick when I thought it doesn't really matter and it can't be helped. Just needs some getting used to. Omg.

I was yearning for dim sum snacks.. Sweet suggested we went to Meiya to eat. We only got to know that their dim sum serving timing was over after having queued a long time for our turn. No choice, we end up eating full-meal dinner: Hor Fun with egg, prawns and leek, Black pepper "dear" meat (since they didn't have Ostrich meat as stated in their menu), 'Healthy' vegatable (spinach, Japanese green peas, mushroom and tomato), Sweet's lovely soup boiled with chicken, mushroom and bamboo pines.. to pamper our thrist, we had Crysanthenum tea. Nice!

We walk walk around Westmall after a $36+ dinner.. Sweet got a pair of slippers. Then we balay kampong.

It's a really enjoyable day after so long since we've met up to spend some quality lover time together. I feel so blissed and happier.

De one with Rain

Getting better-day

It just gets better. Sweet and I are back to our loving days. Although we haven't met for nearing 2 weeks.. our sms conversation is getting better and enhanced with sweetness. Oooh.. boy.. I'm floating head over heels.

Well.. I spend sometime watching my newly bought Jap anime Bleach! It's was so excitingly addictive that ah-ma, Mama, Jimson and I finished viewing the entire 5-dics Volume One.
Hehe.. well..i'm getting used to viewing it in Madarin language. Pretty cool.. until the 2nd last episode, talking about Ichigo Kurosaki's past of losing his beloved mother during a rainning night on June 17. How he blames himself for being the cause of his mother's death.. somehow.. it kinda relates to me..

Anyway, I manged to completed 2/3 of my macroeconomics. However, gotta work abit on my accountancy. Currently, I'm still stuck at Chapter 2. It's pretty messy because I've to study and extract my own notes from my saturated textbook. Not to worry, thank goodness, everything's under control. A disappointing thing was I wasn't very confident with whatever I've studied even though I've put in alot of effort and hardwork. Hmm.. perhaps I need to be more focus bah..

To exercise off whatever fatty food I've ate yesterday, I decided to go jogging. Sigh..not much result but well.. I got caught in the rain. It's really SHIOK! It definately brings back alot of memories..good and bad.. well.. it's a great nostalgic feeling to be in the puring rain...

I recalled I started loving being in the rain during secondary school life because we used to practise "formation" rain or shine at our school field. For the sake of clinching a Gold award and the "Best display band of the year" award, we practised every recess during morning and afternoon since the school operates on two shifts. Upper secondary in the morning. Lower secondary in the afternoon. I recalled when it's raining heavily, our "botak" field would become muddy. Thus, we will take off our white canvas shoes and march with our bare feets and rolled up long school pants. No doubt the squashy feeling of marching in the mud, occassional slip and fall, the splattering of liquid mud, our uniforms drenched in the downpour were all uncomfortable and "dirty".. the "heart and soul" unity of the band and our pride overcomed against these odds. It was simply a memorable moment in the rain.

As many lovers would agree, walking in the rain with our loved ones is one of the most romantic events in our life. It's the chance to cuddle close with our love one under the same small umbrella. It's the chance to show how much you care for your partner that you want him or her to be sheltered from the rain. It's about the fun in running through the rain in seek of shelter if you forget to bring your umbrella.

Romantic was one thing. Being in the rain alone, waiting for a love that will never come back, is really sad. I recalled once I went to my ex's house only to be disappionted that my ex didn't wish to see me. I end up walking to the nearest busstop, in the pouring cold rain with a tearing heart. Undeniably, it felt terribly miserable and desolated.

Regarding rainy days.. people would agree that it's the best weather to laze in bed. For army recruits means "CAT 1"!! No activities, slack in Bunk!! Others are demoralised as the rain distrupt their wonderful plans. For me, last year, when my late mummy was called home by God, it was also raining.. Only difference I wasn't under the rain. Nevertheless, the rainy weather marked a different significance in my life. It occurred to me then that perhaps Heaven's weeping for her death bah..

Strange thing..whenever i feel sad.. it will start to rain.

Recently, amazingly, everytime Sweet suggest going for prayers at the temple. It will rain. Hehe...

Certainly, everyone has their own prespective, personal interpretation and unforgettable moments with being in the rain or during a rainy day. For me.. it means a great deal of my past and present.. Sigh. Sounds so crappy..hehe.. Omg I'm running out on how to do my conclusion..hehe Sumimasen (Sorry in Jap)

De one wiith Breaded pork-chop

Hot day

Early morning, I went jogging. Tried a different route from the norm. Clocked a distance of 4km. Before going back and waited till 1230pm when Jasmine finally wanted to move her butt to advance for our swimming.

We took bus 88 then bus 410 since Jasmine's too lazy to walk a distance which I normally would. Plus, the hot weather makes it even more insane and undesirable to walk to the Bishan Swimming Complex. By the time I reached the pool, Jasmine wanted to have a smoke break. So I proceeded in only to discover that all of the sun-bathing benches were occupied. Sigh.

I left my stuff on the side benches and dump myself into the pool which was relaxingly cool. Swam a couple of 50m laps before I managed to spot a few available benches. End product? I got darker. Yippee! Of course, after having sun-bathed for 1 hour.

We left the complx at 3pm. After which both of us proceeded to Junction 8 as I wanted to get an old Wilber Pan's album, in search of one of Sweet's liked song, titled "Bu De Bu Ai".. I've heard this song before during the last time I went KTV session with Zhen Ze and fellow specs. It's a nice enjoyable song. Although it's supposed to be a rather sad song.

In vain, I end up with the new series of Bleach animations. Well.. not being arrogant but whenever I am sure that a certain popular anime which is only available for illegal download, will one day be sold on the shelves. Just as I'd predicted for Final Fantasy IV: Advent Children. Bleach is out too. One thing about this anime which was rather disappointing was that it's only available in Chinese and Japanese dialogue. No English subtitles, which makes it difficult if I want to watch with Japanese dialogue. Sigh. Jasmine bought other vcds like Silent Hill, a ghost show and The Whole Ten Yards.

We shopped today. Jasmine got me two new pair of T-shirts from Slumping Ape. While she got herself two pairs of earrings. We went to do some grocery shopping at NTUC before we headed home.

Mama cooked my favourite Breaded pork-chop or "bah pah" (in hokkien). It's marinated pork meat cut into big thin slices. Then dipped in egg before coating it with crumps of grinded biscuits. It's my favourite home-cooked Western dish ever since young. I recall I'll be hardworking in preparing the biscuit crumps and the "coating" preparation when I was still a young boy. Err.. I'm still young now..Hehe... Should have said I was younger back then.

It's oftenly accompanied with fried french fries. Mmmmh.. dinner was scumptous tonight! Besides, it's been quite a while since I last ate Breaded pork chop..due to my increasing complexion and weight consciousness. Oops!~

*face red red*

De one with Sweet~less Saturday

Warm Saturday

Yesterday night didn't managed to get to converse with Sweet over the phone. Sigh. Today also didn't meet up nor message much as Sweet's busy with work. That's why it's a "Sweet~less" Saturday.

Early morning woke up rather late. Well.. kinda disappointing Sweet didn't leave any morning messages. I figured maybe Sweet's too busy to sms me bah. Anyway, went jogging which wasn't really conducive.

Came back and showered. Ate the shaved ham I bought from NTUC yesterday afternoon. After that, I set off for my facial appointment with Anna, at Relax de Beauty. Hmmm... when I reached there at 1pm, Anna asked me to wait for a couple of minutes as she's still serving her previous client. Well, I set at the work desk as the two guests' seats were occupied by the Anna's client's husband and child. Which I thought was really lovely... the way they communicate when the wife asked the husband to help her with her dress' zip. Of course, I was just listening..not looking!

Facial was more painful today as Anna had troubles with the stubborn blackheads on my nose. She only figured out that she should have used a smaller extractor rather than the bigger one, only towards the end of the treatment period. Sigh. However, today was different. Instead of doing the mask first, Anna got her colleague, "Nanny" to help me do the cooling and UV zapping first. Which I thought was more relevant to cure the post-treatment soreness on my face. Heh. Nanny always like to tease me. She always ask question whether I have a girlfriend since she found me goodlooking. Err.. she said so..not me. Towards the end, Nanny made a joke about how clean and smooth my nose is. That if an ant was to crawl on my nose, it will slip off. Hehe...
Flattering but well, it's just customs and trades of a customer provider.

Funny thing was Anna and Nanny were discussing in beginning of my facial whether I was in some hairstyling acedemy. Simply because they found my hair was always styled nicely. Anna's PR (Public Relation) is really good. She gave me time allowance to make my hair since it was wrapped up in a towel during facial.

Today, facial was cheaper that the previous. It cost me $63. $45 for facial. $18 for a medium bottle of pimple cream. Weeee!

After that, I bought one of my liked pastry from Polar. It was the hotdog crust. I bought some tuna puffs and an apple strandel (my liking too). Didn't shop much, just walked home after that.

Nothing much today except I finally started my progress on preparing for my mid-semester exams, which is luanching in less than two weeks' time. I have planned strategically. Will be able to make it with disciplined exacution.

De one with The Dorm

Sunny then windy

Today I arrived at campus super early today. End up, waited at the SIM busstop for Zhen Ze and Guan Hui to reached, 5 mins before 10am. When we went into the lecture hall, which was freezing at the place I was sitting, the lecturer just started lesson even though it was a quarter past 10. Reason was because he was experiencing technical fault early when he initiate to start at 10:02am.

Well, the lecturer was unsatisfied with students strolling in as late as 10:30am. He shown his displeasure by stopping his lecture, get the audience' attention, held up and look at his watch everytime late students were still strolling into the lecture hall. He mentioned something quite funny. The reason he gave for having the priviledge to feel unhappy was simply because today was "Teachers' Day". Hehe..

Today I lost my concentration through the 2nd half of the lecture. I really didn't comprehen whatever he was explaining about the components, namely Income sub-components and Expenses sub-components, were in relationship with Income Statements. Omg. To recall I'm going to be an accountant. Right now I'm facing difficulties in this. Arhh! Stress!

It was even more stressful when the lecturer break down our mid-term exam topics and method of study. More stress!!!

After school I was decided whether I wanted to meet Clara for lunch. Apparantly when I messaged her, she was with the girls. Well.. I was drained physically and mentally, so I decided to go home.

On my way home, I decided to get to Junction 8 to get my favourite hunger-filling sandwiches from Sweets Secret bakery. I got Oyster Mee suah for Ah-ma and a few snacks from Old Chang Ki for everyone. After that, I messaged Sweet, who called back to say Sweet misses me.

Savouring my sandwich, I watched my all-time favourite The Incredibles. After that, the Dorm, the Thai movie. It was supposedly to be scary however, it turned out to be more of a heart-warming movie. It's about this 7th grade boy who was sent to a boarded school away from home, by his father. Having mistaken that the father sent him away because he witnessed the father's scandalous affair with the maid Peng, he refused to pick up calls from the father in school. Ton, the boy, felt very desolated as all his friends love to play jokes on him as he was new. Ton then discovered a friend, Vatien, who was the ghost of the boy who drowned in the old pool outside the Dorm. Ton tried to saved and free Vatien from having to undergo the repeated drowning every ghost who died of an accident, have to experience until they get reincarnated.

Halfway through the show, I paused to help mama (my aunt) to bring Jimson down to send him off in a cab for his weekly accupunctual therapy at Toa Payoh. Nevertheless, "the Dorm" was a story of an extraordinary friendship; forgivence between a guilty father and his son; and the motherly-love between the headmistress and her students. Nice.

Well, after which I made my 2nd attempt at trying to solved the difficult ISYS 2059's assignment on excel. Just couldn't figure out the appropriate Sintax or computing command-formula to get the data that's required. Sigh.

Overall, not so bad a day. I wasn't late at school. Sweet called me to say "I miss you too". It's contenting enough. That moment just made my heart feel lightened as if a worry was allevated.

De one with Cartoons & Pixel production

Heaven's weeping

From young, I've always got the idea that as human ages, they tend to be detached from stuff like cartoons which are usually deemed, by social norms, to be more suitable for kids.
Apparantly, it's evident to be less likey. It's as suggested by our movies categorisation. Cartoons are for the general public!

Was that a crappy intro? Hehe I can't be bothered. It's my blog anyway. hehe.. Just kidding. No offence.

Continuing.. from a very young age subjected to "Americanisation", Disney's production used to appeal alot to me. I loved Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I enjoyed it so much I watched the movie on Laser Disc, repeatedly every week. It was the different and interesting personalities of the Seven Dwarfs which attracted me. And of course, I've learnt about "the happily ever after" ending to every story there was. Hehe. There were other productions like Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and Bambi (my mummy's favourite show). I've always watched to watch Pinnocio, Peter Pan and Lady and the Trump. Unfortunately, I only read about their stories. Didn't get to see the animated movies until later age. Another of my big time favourite was 101 Dalmatians!!

I used to watch other cartoons like Care Bears, Banana Man, Conman (my favourite primary school hero!) and the educational Magic schoolbus. Not forgetting Tom and Jerry, a famous part of every child's life!

Warner Bro's production was robbing my share of liking for cartoons around the same time too. Bugs Bunny and gang was interesting. I bet everyone would agree that "Tweety bird and Slyvester cat" was the most popular! I used to feel bad for the silly Slyvester. And simply love the overly adorable Tweenty bird. However as I've grown up, I start to find that Tweety bird's body improportioned. Hehe.. I mean it's wings are too small to aviate it's oversized head. Oops. No offence to any Tweety bird "die-hard" fans.

Another Warner Bro's production was the old series of "Batman". Well..it didn't interest me until the era when Marvel superheros like "Spiderman" and "X-men" were introduced into the later years of my childhood.

Cartoons have evolved over the years with advanced technology. Increasing 2D cartoons are more elaborated and detailed. Some even incorporated 3D effects which is becoming more relevant and evident in current cartoon movies like Mulan (relates to my curiosity for China history), Hercules (relates to my interest for Greece mythology) and Prince of Eygpt (relates to my liking for the epic show "10 commandments"). Of course, there are many more... Not forgetting Lilo and Sitch. In the 21st Century, cartoons were also combined with live shootings, For example Space Jam, a film with a perfect mix of less artificial cartoons characters and live actors. All the wonders of Blue and Green screen-effect!

Another thing I've realised from the cartoons evolution is that cartoons were not longer just protraying western characters. It is increasingly emobodying different stories depicting a diversed range of cultures and nationalities. Well, except the old production of Aladdin which shows Indian characters. Even the accents are accurated in the English language the characters of individual nationalities are spoken. I used to find it particularly true for Mulan, spare the Mushu character. It really provide me with something which is new and interesting. Something in the manner of speech and art which I can relate to.

Well.. I would highlight that cartoon movies are not appealing enough to the older generations. That's partly the reason why Pixel productions exist! Cartoons were shown with computer effects, offering characters in 3D effects. Well, my favourite Pixel production is which? (make a guess lah.....)

It's the Incedibles. I love this show so much I bought the DVD and watched it repeatedly. I think till date, I've watched the show at least 20 over times. Hehe..

The movie starts with an unexpected interview with the different Supers. It talks about how Mr Incredibles was doing superbly fine with his acts for the community until everything turned into chaos. To deal with the increasing lawsuits and complaints about the Supers in community, the Government had no choice but introduce the "relocation" programme for the Supers to live as normal human beings with their identities undercovered.

After 15 years, Bob Parr (previously Robert Parr aka Mr Incredible) and his wife lived normal lives with their three kids, Violet (who can turn invisible), Dash (with supersonic movement ability) and Jack-jack in the Suburbs. Now he's a clock-punching insurance claims adjuster fighting boredom and a bulging waistline.

Itching to get back into action, Bob gets his chance when a mysterious communication summons him to a remote island for a top-secret assignment. Not knowing this was all conspired by Sydron, a demoralised and dejected fan of Mr Incredible, Bob got his family involved in the challenging fight against Sydron's evil plot to injure the community and his revenge on Mr Incredible.

In the end, the Parrs defeated the dangerous robot (Sydron's evil weapon) with the help from Frozone (Bob's buddy). These Supers gain appreciation from the public once again.

I love Jack jack the most because he's simply unresistably cute. Oops. I've always love babies.

Well.. Toy Story was another film which I loved. My younger brother loves it too! It really brings back fond memories of how we used to play with toys. What most of us didn't realise was we tend to neglect our childhood "toy companions". It's really a sad thing for toys. The true meaning of toys was clearly defined in Toy Story: Every toy is to bring joy to children, to provide them fun and happy memories through their childhood period. It's really touching!

Pixel movies are increasingly taking the world like storm. Recently, Over the Hedge, Antz Bully, The Barnyard and Monster House are fine examples of how producers provide audiences with amazement, moral values through personifications of characters which only cartoons are able to appeal not only to the kids (the forever patrons) and the older generations too!

De one with My Worst Biz Computing lesson

Must have been "Crying-competition" in Heaven

Early morning it was already rainning like nobody's business. Omg. Early morning left house after eating an extremely spicy tuna curry puff (which I bought from Bukit Batok yesterday). Till 400 metres outside then it occured to me that Ive forgotten to bring my thumb-drive for my ISYS 2059: Biz Computing lesson. Sigh. No choice, had to walk back home to get it, through the long sheltered walk-way.

Transportation traffic got me on my nerves today. By the time I reached the busstop from which I usually take bus 74, I missed a single deck bus. Stranded at the busstop for the next 20 mins, my long awaited bus finally came. To my disappointment, it was a single decker bus which was already boarded with passengers, packed like sardines! Omg! It's so sucky, when you waited so long just for a bus during peak hour and the transport turn out to be a SINGLE DECKER! Of course, no choice, gotta wait for the next one. Fortunately, the next one came within 5 mins' time. It was a non-conditioned double decker.

In the bus, something interesting occurred. I shared the same seat with a girl (another uni-student) who possessed the same Samsung E900 mobile phone as me! And what's more coincident was both of us used the same message alert tone. Omg! What are the odds of such event? Ha! Perhaps this was to compensate for me arriving late at campus. Sigh.

Thank goodness I wasn't the last to arrive. There were others who were late. Well..the lecturer Dr Lawrence Sim wasn't particular about this. My luck abit.. that the lecture just started when I arrived.

I always believe everything in life is related to Newton's 3rd Law of matters, in which everything has an action and equal and opposite reaction force. Well.. so was luck in class today.
The computer unit's mouse was faulty today. You must be wondering why I didn't just change to other available unit right? Sadly, the whole lab was filled with full attendence. Omg! Throughout, it was really testing my patience with an un-responsive mouse. Sigh. It was something faulty with the roller. Can you imagine how inconvinent it is to use a roller-mouse instead of an optical mouse? sigh. I was extremely slow in my Excel worksheet today. This really earned my worst Business computing lesson. Towards the end of the lesson, I was really demoralised with the fact that my productivity is restrained with an inadequate, ineffective learning equipment.

The rain continued after lesson. Totally ruined the idea of going swimming with Zhen Ze. I intended not to have lunch today. However, Zhen Ze and Guan Hui wanted to eat. I was also feeling bad for rejecting them most of the time. So I went. We left campus for lunch at Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Thanks to the poly students having holidays now, the canteen was greatly less crowded than usual. I tried Ee-mee with diced chicken on hotplate. The serving was more worth than it's cost price of $2.80. The noodles was really too much. End up, I ate only 1/4 of the noodles, all the vegetables and part of the "sunny-side up" egg. To complement the meal with a healthier choice, I drank fresh and soothing watermelon juice.

Over lunch, Guan Hui was reprimanfing me for spoiling his appetite yesterday evening at Westmall before I met Sweet. You see, Zhen Ze and him went to the food court upstairs to order snacks from the "dim sum" store. Guan Hui had fried carrot cake. He offered me but I refused. Erm.. he got very bothered when I told him my reason for rejection, that the food was deep fried and full of oil. On his way back, he was so affected by what I've said, that he gave up eating his remaining curry puff which was supposedly delicious. Hehe. He left and went back to campus, where his mother's car was waiting for him. Zhen Ze and I left and proceed to NP's busstop shortly after.

I discovered that bus 52 was another choice to bring me home. What it didn't occur to me was the downpour became obvious when I was along Lornie Road. Omg. I end up wasting more money having to drop at the busstop where bus 133 was available. What a long route to enable me to alight where I can walk a sheltered walkway home.

Went for a nap after which I decided to send Sweet a few MMS of myself. I recalled Sweet used to ask me for self-pic for "cheering the day" purposes. Well.. now.. I'm doing it just to revived those nostalgic sweet moments. I guessed most relationships are like this bah.. feelings and lovely things you do with your love, fade overtime due to increasing diverting of commitment to other aspects in life. For me, I still hold alot of my initial efforts and dedication to my relationship. It's just a form of loyalty. Hehe, perhaps I'm suitable to be in a customer provider service-line? Perhaps not. It's just another part of Sweet that's incorporated into my life.

As much as I want, as much as what I can only hope for.. I know I can't demand an equal or equivalent measure of affections from Sweet. I went jogging today. In the milst of me cooling down as I was dissipating vapourised water vapour, I suddenly remember of my flawed thinking. That I'm too sensitive sometimes. I start to feel incompetent and overwhelmed with insecurity. Subconsciously, I would drown into a complexity of thoughts. Wondering if Sweet is really busy... or substituting time with me for other rival (omg!)... or Sweet's tired of me?

Of course, it takes personal will power to fetch my logic and rationality awake. That I shouldn't doubt Sweet. Alot of times like these, I dare not tell Sweet. Why, not that I've not tried. Unfortunately, I was afraid how Sweet would feel and the aftermath impact on our relationship.

Reason for not telling Sweet:
[1] Sweet will become stress and unhappy that I've been thinking so much
[2] Sweet might just be demoralised or unappreciated with my distrust in what Sweet reasoned
[3] Sweet get agitated when I mention Sweet having a 3rd party between us
[4] Sweet's smses have always emphasised that Sweet's never tired of me

Back at granny's place, I've just received my SIM membership cum student card from my daddy who brought it over from house. Nothing special. Just a card to indicate I'm an uniSIM student. Gosh, tomorrow I've to make a trip down to Transitlink counter for application of a student concession card.

:: Sweet, I miss you lots. It's gonna be tough not being able to see you more oftenly for the next few week.

De one with Bettering

Rainny day

Today was a better day after all the "storms" and depression. I went jogging in the morning around 9+am. Well..partly because I wept the whole night for someone who hurt me alot.

Well..as a result of me unable to stand my blown-up long and thick hair. I went down to the neighbourhood salon after a quick shower. I've been to this salon for many years. It became a part of my life. From baby time, my granny would bring me to this Chinese barber. The shop owner happened to be the father of the current hairdressers in the salon I frequent. When I reached the age of 5-6 years old, the barber closed. Left with no choice, I had to visit the salon which was just next door. My aunt and granny always recognised the shop with a nick-name "Do-Re-Mi"..Haha.. honestly, I'm really puzzled why is it called this name. Old people and their names for everything! But it's fun and an easy-to-remember funatics. They charged me $7 when I was young. As I've grown older or during subsequent New Year, they increase the price. However, till date, they only charged me $10. Which is much cheap compared to those Salons there are. Yipee ai!

Another interesting thing was that I've always mixed up the two sisters. There was one who was much slim who looked younger. I always mistake her for being the younger sister. Turned out, she is supposed to be the elder sister. Hehe.. Everyone says the elder sister is more skilled in hairdressing. I couldn't agree more. Under her skills, I've always get nice personalised hairstyle. Well.. the younger sister's skill isn't very bad. The good thing about her is she always produce the hairstyle which you instruct her. End produce you'll get whatever you want. So.. hehe I feel more comfortable being fussy with my instructions.I

Anyway, I've got a nice Jap hairstyle today. The younger sister was the one cutting my hair. Sweet said my hairstlye was NICE.. feel so good today.

Macroeconomics lecture was fun as usual. Dr. Saminathan cracked a job about how we should asked for pay which is able to cover our capability and inflation impact. Haha! What a joke while teaching us about inflation, Philips curve, Unemployment and appropriate policies. I managed to understand whatever he was teaching. It's really gratifying as a student.

It was raining when I waited to meet Sweet around the house area. The rain didn't matter. It was really romantic. Sweet and I shared the umbrella Sweet brought, walking together, cuddled close in the rain. We went to this neighbourhood hairdresser which Sweet always been to and what Sweet considered "high class". Omg. Well, Sweet's hairdresser Iris (whom I guessed is a Malaysian) gave Sweet a slightly new hairstyle. Well, although I couldn't derived any lesson but..both of us had haircut today. It's just so loving.

We had dinner at the nearby coffee shop. Sweet asked me whether I had anything I found suitable to my taste. Actually, I was more concerned because Sweet missed the chance of eating the Bah Choy Mee some time back, so I insisted on eating anything even though the food didn't appeal to me. Well.. it's a nice dinner. I wanted to try Qoo (since I was affected by my marketing assignment on Qoo), omg. However, I bought two cans of drinks (Qoo and less sweetening Green tea) since Sweet didn't like sweet beverage. Despite Sweet wanted to share a drink with me initially. I bought a few curry puffs back for my family for breakfast tomorrow morning. And also, a mushroom chicken puff for Sweet. Muacks.

It's a Bettering day today. Spare the moment Sweet and I nearly fell over the verge of breaking up when I was waiting an hour for my haircut. Yet, I still feel unsettled as though fearing to tip the scale again. I really hope Sweet will change the undesirable attitude and whatever stigma. I don't want to be a sad soul again. Well, let's hope for the better. Every dark cloud has a silver lining!

"A little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me now. You're here..that's all I need to know."
- Injuried Eponine to Marius

De one with "I've had it all" [Emolings]

Blogging this with tears flowing profusely

I really want to say a big Sorry to everyone I've caused any offences or hurt. Be it verbally. Or depiction through my actions. And if there is, any physical offences which I hardly ever did.

You know what it feels to be hated? I have. I was so obessed, ignorant and shamelessly incorrigable that I just didn't want to give up. Up to an point of no return, the saturation point where I lost my rationality completely. I can even pester you, annoying you with my idiotic in-comprehensiveness and exhausting you of all your patience and humanity. Making you lost your basic kindness, benevolence and converting all to hatre.

I've lived 21 years and 2 relationship. Many will think "What the fark".... "you're just still young and inexperience and ignorant". I dare my guts and touch my heart, I've been through alot and experienced alot. Dreadful lots.

I've been through absolute loneliness, from which I've learnt self survival. I've faced the extreme grief of having lost the closest person in my heart who was also the greatest person who conceived me into this world at the age of 19 when I was millions of miles apart from her. I've faced being emotionally and pyschologically hurt and insulted yet getting more hurt brutally repeatedly, due to my obstinate determination of not giving up. I've been through failures. Sharing the similar pain with people who fought so hard. I've been cheated a large sum of money. I've been slapped before by my ex. I've experience what's ultimate shame. Of course, there are more...

You know what's being submissive? It's depicted in my actions. You know what's paranoid and worrisome? It's rushing through out my mind.

Fark. I just don't understand. Why am I such a failure? I've tried to improve but the end product is still so demoralising, depressing and disappointing... Why is it I've been weathered through so much emotional distress yet every relationship I still give my best shot at it? Why do I have so much compassion to give?

I really wonder why is my life really so tough now?.. Is it because I'm can only be a friend... not cut out to be a boyfriend? Why am I in this world at first? Is it due to me having to pay from all the karma which i'm in-debt to from my previous life?

Why torture me like this? I'm really exhausted... I'm completely lost... my faith and will...
Can someone really embrace me or comfort me? I really feel bullied and completely souless. As if I'm forever in debt to treat everyone superior than me, like how those Jewish slaves were.

Haiz..this icy mix of shame, regret, heartlessness is suffocating me. I feel so worthless, deperate and uselessly helpless. All I can express is tears that never seemed to dry.

:: I love you Sweet... simply, plain sweet loving. Art thou knowst how thy feel? ='(

De one with Depressing day

Chocolate-eating day

Today's really been a sick, tired and depressing day. My sore throat have developed into a distressing dry throat. That kind which comes together with flu. Sigh. Feeling feverish ever since the day before and running nose. Very uncomfortable throughtout.

Early morning already indicated a day to cry about. Sweet and I had a "message war" about how we hold different views on a frill relationship. I really don't know whatever Sweet said, it's as though Sweet doesn't realise my love. It's like Sweet's not willing to commit. To me, I really don't know what's hell wrong with me. Feeling insulted, I stood firm, indirectly forcing Sweet to adopt my way of love-expression as I'm too used to people submitting to me. I regretted how I reacted. And really dejected why I would even think in a way that Sweet's disregarding. I was regretful over certain unreasonable things out of stubborness.

I was late for school this morning since I was overly concerned replying Sweet on sms. On my way in a cab. I was messaging Clara about what happen. Sigh. She provided some console like asking me to give Sweet sometime to be alone. I was feeling blue all the way.

Everything slowed down even more after arriving at campus. It was then I totally calmed down. I messaged Sweet again and explained that all the extreme stuff I've mentioned before, are just figures of speech and metophors. I was really gloomy and distracted in campus the whole day. During lecture, Guan Hui and Zhen Ze attempted to converse to me. I was unresponsive. I gave the excuse that I was sick (which I was lah) but subconsciously, I was waiting for Sweet's reply..an acknowledgement or reconcile.

It didn't take until after lecture ends around 1pm did Sweet call me. I was in the midst of my marketing project discussion. I didn't contribute much today to the SWOT analysis and marketing reviews. My whole body was heating up as though glowing with fire and my head was spinning.

Collected my RMIT Student card today. When Zhen Ze helped acquire if our Uni-student EZ card would be issued. Disappointingly, SIM doesn't provide. Sigh.

Around 2+pm, we wrapped up our discussion. Zhen Ze and Guan Hui pacify me to lunch with them at campus' canteen. Zhen Ze had Western Fish set. Guan Hui (who was on budget) ate cha Siew rice. None of the food appealled to me. Thus, I ate half a red apple and Kiwi. It was pretty expensive. $2+. Sigh. Zhen Ze played his recorded version of Jay Chou's lastest song Qian Li Zhi Wai. It didn't sound nice at all. Sigh. What a disappointment to add on to my glummer.

After that, we went to the Student's lounge since Zhen Ze wanted to look at the book sales advertisements. posted up by students. In view of our coming examinations, we decided that we really needed to refer to our textbooks. Thus, I got really broke after having spent $44 plus on my Marketing Principles text. I'm really broke. Sigh...

I made my way to AMK central to collect my altered ring from Lee Hwa. Exchanged my old antique grey POSB atm card for the lastest blue GO! POSB card. It's kinda cool that it encompasses a Mastercard function. However, disadvantage is that the cardholder is unable to use it for online credit card transactions. Omg. The colour and shortcoming of the card makes me feel blue...

Sweet wasn't responsive. Of course, all the way home, I kept thinking why do I care so much. What's the point of me being so overly-sensitive and self-depressing. My mind really went bonkers, considering whether is it because Sweet is communicating with someone new, thus neglecting me.

*knock head* *slap face*
Omg. What am I thinking!

Anyway, I'm really depress today..when I got home, I sat down to take a breath, pause my life and reflect why am I being like the way I am today..

Perhaps I'm expecting too much. Thereby greater disappointment, greater self-blaming and thus more derived sadness? Perhaps I'm not meant to have a relationship because the problem lies with me. I'll never make a good boyfriend. The fact that I'm unable to make others happy except misery, is so self-demoralising...

For that moment.. nothing. Just pure blank except solitary depression and a pinch of loneliness.
"How then am I able to stop worrying and thinking so much.."

Really felt close to weeping it out.

De one with X-men

Sore throat, warm Monday

I believe X-men is a name which many would be familiar with. It's one of the most popular science fiction stories, comics and cartoons in this century. Since 2002, three mega movies have been made on X-men, named X-men, X-men II: X men united and X-men III: The last Stand.

Personally, I love the movies despite others would might opinion to be different. I love seeing visual effects and personifications of the characters. The movies provide how these X-men characters and their mtant abilities look like when in real life. That's the visual reality which I believe many are looking forward to. Unfortunately, I wasn't too fascinated by the Phoenix depicted in X-men 3. Perhaps like many, I was kinda expecting more of the powers of Phoenix, as impressioned in comics and cartoons. In addition, the ending where Professor X, Jean Grey and Cyclops died, was rather tragic and undesirable.

I've loved X-men ever since the first encounter on TV. If I didn't remember incorrectly, it was when I was in Primary 5-6. I recalled watching X-men cartoon series on Channel 5, 1030am every Saturday. After which Power Rangers would follow. That was an incredible childhood past-time!

Else, it was shown every Thursday evening when the cartoon would be telecast. To as much as I've recalled. I didn't managed to watch the entire X-men in order. It was always here and there. However, I find it as interesting.

I love Jean Grey alot. Simply because I was super amazed by the telekinesis and telepathy abilities which she possess. Isn't it amazing you can control movement of things and minds of others all within your mind? It's silly..but desirable. Hehe. Later, when she displayed her powers of the Phoenix, I empathise with her frustation, fighting against the Phoenix. The cartoon also provided me with a new image of a Phoenix. As I used to think Phoenix is like what you see in the Chinese temples.. coloured in multi rainbow colors. Little did I imagine the mystical creature to be in burning flames.

I recalled as a child, my parents bought me alot of X-men figures. Out of which I just couldn't find Professor X. Anyway, there was this particular year on my birthday, my ah-ma bought me a Gambit figurine from the neighbourhood shop. I was extremely touched. Ever since then, I started to love Gambit. He's simply so cool with red glowing eyes, his "happy go lucky" type of style and his amazing power to charge objects with exploding potential energy.

Although I've grown older, my passion for X-men didn't ceased. I started to understand that mutants are real. And that X-men is relevant in real life as it can be explained through Physics. Especially Quantum physics, one of my favourite chapters in my entire years of study.

X-men provides for a timeless and ageless realm for imagination. It's every child's dream-come-true kinda craze with all those un-imaginable superpowers. It's a topic which guys conversed in nostalgia. There are lessons of undying love like that between Jean Grey and Scott Summers; humanity and responsibility. Despite it's sci-fictious, X-men still capture many hearts of all ages. It's a really fantastic marvel creation of a lifetime!

De one with Empty Sunday

Cloudy

Early morning Sweet called me when Sweet got home after having watched late night movie, Ghost Game with friends. After which we had a short chat before I fell back alseep again.

The next thing which woke me up again I think 4 hours later was my nephew Fabian crying louding because he was looking for his "mama" who was off to work.

I woke up around 10am. Feeling kinda unwell and lazy, I messaged Chin Yu that we'll have to postpone our agreed meeting this afternoon. He was kind enough to reply me that we'll arrange for another time.

After which I did nothing but eat, eat and eat. Sigh. Early morning Jasmine bought Nasi Lemak. Of course I couldn't finish the whole box of rice. However, I ate some fried chicken bits, 2 slices of fish cake and long beans. After which I think I ate the remaining few pieces of "Famous Amos cookies".

I managed to watch a movie on VCD today. Final Destination 3. The storyline's much of the same as the two movies before. It's about this girl who had premonitions of how her high schoolmates died ever since they sat on the Devil's roller-coaster ride during a high school circus. In the end, I guess they didn't escape Death.

I slept alot. Tried studying and sorting out my lecture notes. However, the birds' ear-piercing chips just keeps distracting me out of focus.

Nothing much happened today. Except Sweet's call in the afternoon was the only thing to cheer me up abit. Yup.. Otherwise, it's just an empty Sunday.

De one with Clara

CHRONICLES Of CHUM

Oolala... Clara Kwek.. Recently, a new nickname Dale-lala.. These are the various nicknames I've used to addressed my close friend whom I've known for almost 5 years.

Our first meeting...
(omg, this expression's machum like what they used in love movies or stories)

Of course we meet each other during our first week at SRJC, sometime in March 2002. Then, I wasn't really close with her because she was with her newly found click of girl-friends and me buddy-ing with Loo Wan. Apparantly, I've only got to know her existance in 1S28 (my class) during our first maths C tutorial. Erm.. our maths teacher Mrs Kwek, a passionate teacher who cares alot for her students, arrowed us questions. Haha. Not being arrogent but I supposed Clara and I were the "better or hardworking ones" in maths from the very beginning. well, later part, I lagged behind.

The first time we knew each other as friends...

To much of what I recalled, the first time I talked to Clara was outside a tutorial room when I saw her standing outside alone and looking rather sad or troubled. What was identical between us was that both of us have an ego or strong self-pride. We don't get "heated-up" with strangers fast enough. When I asked about her, she kinda gave me a turn-down kinda reply. Well..
We didn't evelop our close friendship until towards the end of Jc years...

Our friendship develops

I remembered towards the end of Jc2, I finally shared my problems with no one else but Clara in our "jc gang". We conversed over the phone. For the very first time, I bear it all out..about what's troubling me during my drastic change in JC2. Most importantly, my brokenheart and sadness caused by my very first ex, A.

After A levels, we met up. I was really appreciative that Clara actually accompanied me in due the fact that I couldn't get my mind off my breakup. She taught me how to swim, better..even though I've learnt it when I was in secondary 1.

During my initial enlistment years, both of us develop the habit of going for supper. I'd travel all the way to Boon Keng where Clara's house is in. We'll eat roti prata and chat over ice-milo instead of coffee. Hehe. Supper ends at 1pm and I'll walk her back to her block. Occassionally when the time's not so late, she will insist on going home alone. Nice of her to walk me to the nearest bus-stop and wait until I've board the bus home.

Other than swimming and supper, we'll go out for SHOPPING! She accompanying me to shop instead of the other way round. Hehe. Her mum commented before, why I always like to go shopping all the time. Hehehe. We'll always end up laughing at each other's embarrassing moments. Bricker alot too for the fun of it.

Being a close friend...

Clara has always been independent. Well, she has a different family background from mine. So we'll tend to talk and provide a listening ear to each other. I usually rely on her whenever I experience relationship problems. She rely on me when she has family problem. In between, I supposed we share a common understanding and provide each other with the comfort, console we need. It's pretty special for me because she's a girl yet we are able to develop a close friendship. To a stage where both of us are beyond the point of being lovers. Just pure extreme good friends of opposite sex. She always comment that I'm a very sexist MCP. hehe.

I admire Clara's determination and out-frankness. Perhaps it's her out-spokeness that made her my true friend. She knows how when to hold back, if not, reprimand me to my senses. I did likewise for her too, sarcastically. Oops.

Despite her experiencing finacial problems, she spend on my birthday presents every year. Awww... I'm so touched because she works every semester break just to make ends meet.. pay for her own handphone bills, school fees..

We have alot to envy about each other.. she envies me better-off family and spending habits (though she nags at me about my extravagant spending). Me, on the other hand, envies her street-smart and all she has which I don't pocess.

Our friendship has grown and is developing even closer... I promise, we'll be good friends till old. During one of our la-teh (milo-drinking) session, we even discussed about how our current chats about life, stress from education and relationship, will transform into future chats about work, family, children and retirement plans. Come to think about it, it's really comical!

De one with Me being "mang zang"

Sun kissed, hot day

Haven't been blogging the past few days because I've been so busy. Been doing research for my MKTG 1199 assignment. Just had a formal long discussion yesterday. Well... it started very fine. Except mere digression now and then. Err.. the good discussion turned into a big commotion nearing the end. I guessed we were the only group making the most noise in the quiet corridor outside the LTs.

Met Sweet for I think a couple of consecutive days. I don't really know why but I've been overly-sensitive and mang zang (being fussy, agitated and annoyed easily in hokkien) nowadays. Every nitty gritty I've been over-reacting towards it. Of course, Sweet doesn't know how to react to my foul attitute and unstable temper. End up, we'll always land ourselves into sulky faces. Omg.

Sometimes, I'll take a deep breath and try to reconcile. However, Sweet just doesn't know how to respond. Our commotion didn't get resolved. Hehe. Sometimes, I will lose myself into my thoughts again. (Without, keeping quiet because Sweet will scold me) I thought, am I really good for Sweet.. or how long are we going to be together until Sweet just can't tolerate or worst, Sweet saying "I really think you're not my cup of tea anymore". BUT! I calm down and recall what Sweet have told me before. About advising me not to think too much and being pessimistic.

Seriously if anyone were to ask me whether I'll give up? I really won't. I can't. And I will never let go. This relationship with Sweet. As I've told Sweet, I really want this to be the last relationship in my entire life.

What should I do? well.. I wanna stop thinking so much. Just love Sweet and make life.. our lives happiest in the whole world. I do.

Oki.. enough of "everytime relationship". Let me talk about..UNIVERSITY!!

It's already over a month at SIM. Well, finally adapting to the studies. However, one problem exist is.. ask me whether I've done any understanding of whatever module I'm currently studying? I will cover my face in my hands and say I really have no clue. Omg. I met Clara yesterday night to pass her her advanced 21st Birthday present (which was a Winne the Pooh 900+puzzle. Took 3 continuous nights to rush it) and sms her recently about this. She suggest I should know my priorities and not regret... letting my miserable Jc results to repeat itself. Not forgetting, what Sweet said.. never to let what happened during my JC years to occur again too.

:: Thank you very much Clara and Sweet. And Chin Yu, who encouraged me not to give up when I told him I wasn't sure of my choice with accountancy.

Other than that, I've been mixing good with Zhen Ze and Guan Hui (a joker). Really feel abit bad, everytime after school I'll have to meet Sweet. As a result, unable to fulfil them jio-ing me for lunch. Oops!

As for my running? As much as I've been feeling pretty frustrated with it.. and giving up, saying I should move on for my relationship. I'm doing quite fine. Just needs some adjustments. Take running as a form of distress bah~

Well well.. I'm kinda excited.. Jay Chou's new album's releasing soon in September. Sigh. Gotta wait for it. Much of what I've heard, Jay's singing a song with Fei YuQing. Omg. Hmm... let's see.. looking much forwrd to it!

:: Ey! Everyone must go buy it when it's release on the shelves ah!

Before I end, I really think perhaps my short-fused temper might have been due to the warming weather. Think I need to consume more liang teh!!