De one with Tears of Thy Heart

Moody all day

It's the last day of the week, everyone is happy and blissfully spending time with their loved ones at home, dinner and movie.. or even a loving stroll in the park. All these were the past for me..
It's been the 3rd day since the "verdict". Yet, inevitably... the tears of thy heart (sigh~) keeps flowing like there's no tomorrow.. :'c

Though exams are not over.. and it's Tuesday. However, I really can't concentrate. Unknowingly, I feel so forsakened. I can't even feel God carrying me on his back...

Everywhere I go, everything I see and the dreadful memories of Sweet, just keeps my heart tearing. I was with Mohan the day before. I couldn't help crying when I was dinning at Pasta Mania, having recalled Sweet doesn't like unhealthy sweet ice-lemon tea. That Sweet always accomodate me and compromise with Sweet's distaste for sweet syrup drink and pasta. I walked past Cineleisure's Bits and Pieces, that was the place we chose our couple rings. Went Hereen and all the memories of our arguments just flow.

Yesterday, I was with Clara at Jurong Point.. remember Sweet and I ate at the foodcourt upstairs. We went IMM..recalled Sweet and I was running wildly to look for a protective screen for our new couple SGH-E900. I was at 7-11, wanting to buy a drink, I saw Mr Softee.. made me recall it was Sweet and my childhood favourite. Clara and I ate Sundaes at Mac. Recalled Sweet and I ate Sundae at Bras Basah's Mac.

Zhen Ze, Guan Hui and I ate Subway today.. made me remember Sweet and I shared a delicious "footlong" honey-oak sandwich. Today, I put on a brave front but I was really crying so painfully in my heart as I eat in silence.

Came home only to hear my granny crying.. over my Motherless younger brother, who was punished my aunt for misbehaving. It feels like everything is collapsing down on me... I'm really hurt enough..

"The "rain" within my heart is downpouring,
Yet it doesn't wet her hair.
Tears dipping on the card's sentiment,
That heartpain has no delay.

The "rain" within my heart is downpouring,
It still doesn't wet her in anyway.
The chilling wind breeze through the twigs in the porch
As it withers the rose in my palm."

- Xin Yu, translated (Jay Chou's Still Fantasy)

I am really miserable... really really filled with nothing but pure, absolute heart-break and loneliness....

"And I know, it's only in my mind..
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him...

And although I know that he is blind...
Still I say
There's a way for us

I love him, but everyday I'm learning
All my life, I've only been pretending

Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I've ever known..."

- Eponine, in love with Marius (Les Miserables)

Please, grant me a Sweet,lift me from my solitary despair
Else, bring me away
:''(