Today I went back to office to clear my CORCC. Spare some issues and referencing works to be done, it was generally ok. Reb even recommend others to draw reference to the filling up of the audit programme in my file. Rachel (CORCC accounts manager) called me, we had some laughs, brightening my day. Afternoon, my colleague treated us KFC for the baby-angbao we contributed to her. Didn't eat much, in my mind i was thinking of how delayed my schedule was (since I ought to be at my client's place so I could finish what I've planned). Man, I hate wasting my time and being obstructed from what I've organised.
The day stretched till evening. Gabriel ask me into the room and begin the brutal "interrogation" for UMP. It was badly done.
There are alot of issues he pointed out which I should have investigated into but I failed. Followed by a string of questions "Why this, why that" only to arrive at my speechlessness or inflict of oppressed self-confidence. So bad to a degree there were tears filling the brim of my eyes.
He didn't scold me of course. Nevertheless, his questions were enough to crumple my belief that live up to the job. Every time I couldn't answer his factual queries, it further detriments my pride. I didn't have the facts (which I did gather 5 months ago) to defend myself. I knew the delay of my proof of evidences for defence further detriment my ability in the job. And it was so bluntly gave-away in my work. Saddening.
I ever considered if the audit failure is due to me not having brought the issue out earlier as that time, Reb were busy with Lab1. I had no one to turn to. So I had to beared my teeth and did it alone. The next thing I knew, the file went straight into Gab's room for review.
Further to this, the acounting issues were my first time encounters. It's a new client and most of the time, I sepnt alot of effort gathering information which I could possibly get, concentration to tie the usual things. There are certain matters I could sense the problem however I had difficulty collecting info as the documents were long-past.
Then, I shoved all this from my mind, clearing the cloud of excuses and questioned my true capability. Nothing. I cried, in my heart.
Jason knows he ought not and mustn't be emo. I just couldn't deal, hence I have decided to type everything here and abandon these negativities inside here and move on. Perhaps.. I'm not cut out to be what I am doing..
The day stretched till evening. Gabriel ask me into the room and begin the brutal "interrogation" for UMP. It was badly done.
There are alot of issues he pointed out which I should have investigated into but I failed. Followed by a string of questions "Why this, why that" only to arrive at my speechlessness or inflict of oppressed self-confidence. So bad to a degree there were tears filling the brim of my eyes.
He didn't scold me of course. Nevertheless, his questions were enough to crumple my belief that live up to the job. Every time I couldn't answer his factual queries, it further detriments my pride. I didn't have the facts (which I did gather 5 months ago) to defend myself. I knew the delay of my proof of evidences for defence further detriment my ability in the job. And it was so bluntly gave-away in my work. Saddening.
I ever considered if the audit failure is due to me not having brought the issue out earlier as that time, Reb were busy with Lab1. I had no one to turn to. So I had to beared my teeth and did it alone. The next thing I knew, the file went straight into Gab's room for review.
Further to this, the acounting issues were my first time encounters. It's a new client and most of the time, I sepnt alot of effort gathering information which I could possibly get, concentration to tie the usual things. There are certain matters I could sense the problem however I had difficulty collecting info as the documents were long-past.
Then, I shoved all this from my mind, clearing the cloud of excuses and questioned my true capability. Nothing. I cried, in my heart.
Jason knows he ought not and mustn't be emo. I just couldn't deal, hence I have decided to type everything here and abandon these negativities inside here and move on. Perhaps.. I'm not cut out to be what I am doing..
