Blank skies
Today is which I believe to be an ultimately down day. On my way to work, my mind reminded me the days I used to bring my younger brother to school at Balestier. The eyes beginning filling with moist until it threatened to come flowing down my cheeks.
Work was the main culprit. Seriously, I'm really realising how bad I am at work. Perhaps my manager, Rebecca is losing faith or trust in me as a staff, due to my recent incompetence. Recently, I find myself having to deal with simple but "troublesome" jobs. Not forgetting, she hardly talk to me. Maybe this is what happens to a person who mentions he felt like resigning. Why? Because the travelling is demoralising? Or am I being prejudiced for poor performance, making careless mistakes or asking too much questions which portray me to be useless, reliant person?
I kept thinking of a reason to understand why I've became so down, feeling so lousy myself when I thought I have been performing and the future was glittering with promising opportunities. Now, all feels like everything have shut themselves or turn their backs against me. Terrible terrible brutality of sadness.
And I wondered very much, why such depression falls upon me. Why eh, I've become such extreme pessimist. Is there nothing I can do to turn the events for the better? I did.. I do take a breath and console myself that its for a moment. Things would get better. Well uh.. the effort only prove to last as long as the memory of a goldfish (which Clara told me ..3 seconds?)
I know frowning doesn't help. However, I love to achieve. So much, I doubt whether whatever I'm doing is really what I cut out to be or least, capable of?
Thursday, May 22, 2008
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