SIMPLY READ, INDULGE AND HEARD WITH WORDS

Saturday, March 28, 2009

De one with Stop!

All but one wish

Definitely miss the sun. Was at the park in the morning after jogging. As I sat in these "tai chi" squares in the middle of a clear opening, the trees, cowboy grasses and aww.. the unrestrained sunlight, intensifying warmth unto my perspiration-damped skin. Love this feeling. Totally.

Enjoying "sun-kissing" was short lived as I have to drag myself to Immigration Centre to collect my passport. The old one was unbearably unable to be further extended. That leave me no choice but to make the new biometric passport. Damn. The photo therein stung my sight. I look ghostly on page two. Not to mention my hair (super long and messy because I took it on the spot when I brought the passport for extension). Too bad. What else could I do? Most importantly, I had to have a valid passport for my vacation in 3 months' time.

Pissed when I got there. This couple who obviously didn't know what to do at the automated ticketing machine for passport collection. They took 4 minutes to do what I could have done in 10 sec. If you can't be faster than me, then don't cut my queue. Of course, exception to nice children (with parents..erhumm) and worthy elders. Anyway, I maintained my cool.. why should I be mindful of such Earthlings. They are the classic definition of human. In a couple of minutes, got my queue ticket eventually. I plant myself in the row of seats. Everybody were standing , much because they couldn't locate themselves into single seats available between those which clinques have already "ba zhan" (occupying in Mandarin).

Clueless but I did it again, I striked short conversations with my service providers. Like that night I was accustoming myself with the female assistant at R.I., I asked the officier about the prominent crowded and buzzy situation. She explained to me it was majorly due to the approaching holidays. People want to get their passports done. Perhaps I was just being thoughtful. If I were providing a service to others, I'd feel..appreciated and mood-lifted to have my clients asking about me, work affairs.. it places me and the client eye to eye. Which is effective and easier for me give all out to serving them, without influenced from unfamilarity- restrain due to a huge chunk of ice in between us.

I know I shouldn't. But I wanted my Twilight saga to be uniformed. So I made a short trip to Kino, got volume 2 & 3 to replace my current from different publishers, and also for the sake of its membership renewel for two years. Had to wait for the card to be ready (they could deliver it on the spot). Hence, I strolled down to Pok Kim where this stranger was.. you know, "scanning" me. Didn't pay much attention to him. Guess what!? Not the stranger.. I got my Akatsuki Gundam! Ok, it cost almost 140 bucks. It didn't take very long on my way home for jason reminded me I had been splurging again. jAson questioned whether I really needed to re-purchase the books when I already have them . Besides, the stories are gonna be the same regardless. Jason commended it's a waste of money. And.. I started feeling guilty.

To aggreviate my guilt, jaSon unfolded his theory on existence of need for the Akatsuki Gundam expenses. He commented if I had the time and doubted my rememberance on assembling the Gundam. I know.. it's been awhile and I might not have the attentive skills which are needed such that the final product wouldn't be flawed. A war was seriously going on in my head.
However, I knew I had to get home early. No further indugles at shopping. Within 30 mintues, I was out of Bugis and en route home. Relieve ahma was safe at home, showered and ate brunch - my all-time favourite Nasi Lemak bought by Jasmine before she left for work. That crazy workaholic. Omg.

Proud of myself for my discipline that enable me to face the challenge of disseminating all the directives for my tax project to my teammates. Complete my review of my their work for assignment I from 3 to 6:30 pm before clicking the send button for forwarding . There were quite a far bit of amendments. I actually redo and amend my friends' work. Out of respect, I didn't delete his work, something which I'd think it'd be very hurtful to him. So I inserted my paragraphs under the original and ask him to see if he was agreeable and execute the "slashing" himself.

Throughout the week, I read my books whenever I could. On my way home onboard the bus or waiting in a queue or before my eyes become too heavy. Thank goodness I managed to complete nearly half the book inspite of my saturated schedule. Phew..

It's very tiring in fact. At the end of the day, I told a friend that I feel exhausted. He asked why. I replied thinking itself is tiring. Living a life figuring out a solution for everything is tiring. He lectured.. the ability to think is what makes us human. Else we're unlikely any different from animals. "Then I rather be an animal" I snapped.

He isn't wrong. And probably I complicated my thoughts which I described as a thousand swivelling pieces of mirrors, glistering when it tilted against some light as they descend like confetti. And I thought, it's worse when time as though a compressing trap, devoiding the spaces around me, crashing into me fro all directions visible. Even thinking why I feel this way weighs a tonne in my head.

Even worst when you know you shouldn't trouble anyone. Partly I'm aware it's gonna bother people to pay attention to me. Moreover, I hate to explain myself again. Not unappreciative but no one manages to strike the correct questions or words to assure care and calmness without anything requiring me to respond. And yes, people always think i'm ok. I am too egotistic and introvert to admit anything wrong within me.

Recalled sharing my piece with a friend who put me down, suggesting I ought to seek pyschiatrist. .WtF Just listen to me, damnit.

All Jasons in me resolved I should pat my butt and continue with my life. Just pausing abit for now eh.

Before I conclude this blog, there's something I wish to clarify. I am totally hateful being misunderstood. "Jasons" herein are not imaginery friends or patterns of psychoticism. They are merely worded-gimmicks to make my blog interesting, amusing and partly, to excuse myself from not making the right decisions lor hor. As a reader, you shouldn't think too much!!