Death lurks...
As of today, Jason is dead................................................................................................................................
Monday, September 25, 2006
De one with Life Stood Still
Everyday's just as gray
It's been a week already. Yet, nothing has changed. Except the distance between Sweet and me is getting further and further. Sweet's being more and more irritated than bothered about me.
Life's really slowing down... as though the engine has ran out of battery.. deteriorating gradually, filling every space of my heart with pure sadness, suffocating me with no meaning. Every person has a meaning to live for and to live on by.. guess this is what becomes of me when something significant in my life, has gone missing.
I know there are other things in life. However, seems they are not as important and what I really need. Undeniably, I am finally collapsing and breaking down, comprising my rationality, mind and soul. It feels a hundred times more painful than death. At least, dead is sudden most of the time and it only last a moment. It's alot better because you wouldn't have the capacity to deal with the post-occurance period.
Suddenly, all my life's trouble, tickled down to the very insignificant ones are surfacing. Each demanding and pressurising me, pushing me to a corner. Everything's gone bad. Relationship with family. Friends who I can't relate my sadness to. Fear of troubling people. Grabbing to hope for a better change. Struggling against the odds. Persistence for a truth from someone who is not sure, worst, delibrately suspending you. Sweet. Mid-semester exam. Final examination due in 30 days' time. Financial problems. My current life unluckiness.
Yes, everybody has been hurt. But I'm really devastated because I've been bottling everything inside my heart. Capped with a wonderful relationship with Sweet who I confide in, that's why I put so much effort and heart into it. Little did I expect the "cap" wasn't how good I thought it was. End up, the cap popped loose itself. It even cut me when I was trying to get it back again.
I'm really turning into living dead. A heart overpouring with troubles, endless misery. Flooding and drowning me in it.
='(
It's been a week already. Yet, nothing has changed. Except the distance between Sweet and me is getting further and further. Sweet's being more and more irritated than bothered about me.
Life's really slowing down... as though the engine has ran out of battery.. deteriorating gradually, filling every space of my heart with pure sadness, suffocating me with no meaning. Every person has a meaning to live for and to live on by.. guess this is what becomes of me when something significant in my life, has gone missing.
I know there are other things in life. However, seems they are not as important and what I really need. Undeniably, I am finally collapsing and breaking down, comprising my rationality, mind and soul. It feels a hundred times more painful than death. At least, dead is sudden most of the time and it only last a moment. It's alot better because you wouldn't have the capacity to deal with the post-occurance period.
Suddenly, all my life's trouble, tickled down to the very insignificant ones are surfacing. Each demanding and pressurising me, pushing me to a corner. Everything's gone bad. Relationship with family. Friends who I can't relate my sadness to. Fear of troubling people. Grabbing to hope for a better change. Struggling against the odds. Persistence for a truth from someone who is not sure, worst, delibrately suspending you. Sweet. Mid-semester exam. Final examination due in 30 days' time. Financial problems. My current life unluckiness.
Yes, everybody has been hurt. But I'm really devastated because I've been bottling everything inside my heart. Capped with a wonderful relationship with Sweet who I confide in, that's why I put so much effort and heart into it. Little did I expect the "cap" wasn't how good I thought it was. End up, the cap popped loose itself. It even cut me when I was trying to get it back again.
I'm really turning into living dead. A heart overpouring with troubles, endless misery. Flooding and drowning me in it.
='(
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