Cool day
One down.. three more to go.. Early morning, I went for a light 3km jog. After which I put on my white Levis T and beign Corduoroy jean to school. "Combat" with ACCT2060 Introductory Accounting final semester examinations.
It was pretty chaotic as most of us weren't familiarised with the new seating plans. In addition, there was a hall-full of students from other courses who are taking the same paper too.
Efficent, me and Zhen Ze found out places soon enough. I was sitting on the middle row, 3 seat from the back. It was super cold but beginning, I was so heated up as I was so nervous.
15 minutes was reading time. After which the 3 hour "battle" begun. Well, this paper wasn't really tough. However, it's really tricky. Apparantly, alot of questions on Income statement were examinated. Sigh. Didn't see any Statement of Cash Flow questions. Only a mere reconciliation was asked.
Wanna know about the questions? Here you go...
Question 1 was about telling difference between a company and a partnership; legal duties of directors; and definition and description of Asset.
:: Omg. I didn't really studied about the legal duties of directors which was a damn long chuck under Corporate Governance. Anyway, I wrote two pageful for Qn1. Phew..
Question 2's about Business transaction in journal entry manner. After which, calcuate the "accrual" net profit.
:: This was within expectation, with reference to past paper. Well.. Only part, I didn't do well is one part about the owner withdrawing $500 for personal use. Others say it will decrease cash by $500 and equity down by $500. I still wrote "This is not a biz transaction". Omg!
Question 3.. hmmm.. was about Balance Sheet. After which, it is required to calculate the profit (loss) in for the competitor.
:: Well well, my BS was perfectly balanced on my first attempt. However the next part was trouble. I was too careless to subtract off the dividends paid (should be adding) and transfer of retained profits (which actually have no effect at all). "Heart-soured" - Xin Suan. ='(
Question 4 is about... I think.. Oh ya.. it's about budgetting. Calculation of Sales mix, Contribution margin ratios and Break-even analysis.
:: So so.. bearable.
Question 5's a killer. It's about Ratio Analysis.
:: My worst. But fortunately, I was intelligent enough to realise I could get my answer with the help of the "formula sheet" provided at the back of the question paper. Managed to work out my Activity and Cash cycle. Lucky.
Question 6 was about Reconciliation of Cash Flow and reasoning why Reconciliated net cash flow is different from reported operating profit.
:: Reconciliation was ok. But I was like "what the hell?!?" I didn't study the reasoning part. Hah.. crap my way through. No choice lah.. "Do or die"
Question 7 is testing knowledge about Income Statement, again. They provide you with a "Cash accounting" Income Statement. In addition, extra information like non-cash transaction, Accounts payable, receivables, depreciation, etc. With all these materials, you're to do an "Accrual accounting" Income Statement.
:: This was the most demoralising. Without strong foundations, I missed out alot of this as there were alot of tricky areas which needs in-depth consideration. Although I got my depreciation and accrual-accounting methods right.. Amissed the consideration and logics behind the accounts payable, changes in inventory level and accounts receivable in determining additional purchase and receipts from customers. Sigh. It was a "goner" question.
Well.. it started to rain in the afternoon. I mentioned to Mohan that everytime I'm depress, it rains. Mohan replied, "the sky's rain reflects the rain in your heart".
Anyway, gotta "jiayou" for my remaining modules. 1 down, 3 more to go!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
De one with Silent Overflowing
Haze away-ed
Today... my heart leaked... It's overflowing...
It's as though.. no.. it is what I've accumulated in my heart... I start to feel small, embraced by coldness from inside out.
Early morning, I went to Toa Payoh Library because the one I frequent is operating "near full-capacity". However, it's alright. What wasn't alright was when I started revising my accounting after completed with 4 chapters of MKTG.
As I did my trend and vertical analysis on a financial report, flashback of my late-mother, surfaced impressionally in my mind. The emo-system functioned again as I control the tears gathering my flooded eyes. I recalled the nights when I witnessed her, pressing the calculator efficiently, penciling down the results and focusing on the accounts in front of her.. Like how and what I'm doing now..
It feels as if I'm in her position back then.. doing the same chore, spare differentiated timing.
It was then I realised how much I needed her but loneliness is the only one accompanying me.
I didn't eat ice-cream or chocolate (although I drank milo), get myself drunk nor tell anyone about it..
Since young, I've used to feel inferior and keep matters, good or bad in my heart. Well.. looks like my heart has got an enormous capacity.. until now.. repercussions are revealing..
Perhaps it's really selfish of me. I've been hoping someone to replace the emptiness, supposedly filled by my mummy. Silly. Yes, nobody is replacable of that place in my heart. I just needed comfort and embrace.
The "love is" person? nah.. I said I didn't want to tell anybody. I just feel it's better to blog it down. Like Vance and Andrew have advised me. Like how I used to be during JC, all the way back to 5 years old...
:')
Today... my heart leaked... It's overflowing...
It's as though.. no.. it is what I've accumulated in my heart... I start to feel small, embraced by coldness from inside out.
Early morning, I went to Toa Payoh Library because the one I frequent is operating "near full-capacity". However, it's alright. What wasn't alright was when I started revising my accounting after completed with 4 chapters of MKTG.
As I did my trend and vertical analysis on a financial report, flashback of my late-mother, surfaced impressionally in my mind. The emo-system functioned again as I control the tears gathering my flooded eyes. I recalled the nights when I witnessed her, pressing the calculator efficiently, penciling down the results and focusing on the accounts in front of her.. Like how and what I'm doing now..
It feels as if I'm in her position back then.. doing the same chore, spare differentiated timing.
It was then I realised how much I needed her but loneliness is the only one accompanying me.
I didn't eat ice-cream or chocolate (although I drank milo), get myself drunk nor tell anyone about it..
Since young, I've used to feel inferior and keep matters, good or bad in my heart. Well.. looks like my heart has got an enormous capacity.. until now.. repercussions are revealing..
Perhaps it's really selfish of me. I've been hoping someone to replace the emptiness, supposedly filled by my mummy. Silly. Yes, nobody is replacable of that place in my heart. I just needed comfort and embrace.
The "love is" person? nah.. I said I didn't want to tell anybody. I just feel it's better to blog it down. Like Vance and Andrew have advised me. Like how I used to be during JC, all the way back to 5 years old...
:')
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
De one with Love is...
Raining outside
Love is... fighting and making up
... lending a hand
... achieving your dreams
... chemistry, sincerity and commitment
Someone wiped away my sullen tears, stitch my broken heart and painted a smile on my plain face.
Sinceriest gratitude.
Love is... fighting and making up
... lending a hand
... achieving your dreams
... chemistry, sincerity and commitment
Someone wiped away my sullen tears, stitch my broken heart and painted a smile on my plain face.
Sinceriest gratitude.
De one with Accounting awakening
Showers brought the Haze away
It didn't take me until recent did I start to grow my fondliness for Accounting. Mid-semester exam preparation was a hell moment of demoralisation. Back then, I thought Accounting was a real tough, incomprehendable and saturated module to take. Think about it... not anymore.
Perhaps it's an inheritence from my late-mummy.. She's an accountant too. Well.. although she is a super "wrap mountain wrap ocean" multipurpose woman in the firm she works in, she's an incredible and highly-indispensable employee. Hmm.. the cons of her job is that it's very demanding. Robs you of your time. I used to remember she used to do her accounts during weekends and occassional late nights. Furthermore, it's pretty stressful too. Perhaps it's so.. that my parents warn me about becoming an accountant.
Back to me. I've learnt to appreciate and value the fundementals of Accounting. Like what I told Qing.. the systematic (with frequent sophisticated variations) and the requirement of peculiar analytical skills appeals to me greatly. Growing to be more confident and ambition-orientated towards becoming an Accountant!
Why? Partly because of the relative attractive income. In addition, the passion and fulfilling self capability bah..
I've been spending my whole day in the library. I realised I'm discovering, learning new things everyday. Yet, at the same time, it's worrying to notice some nitty gritty details which are slipping off my already filled-hands.
Gratifying, Zhen Ze and I also sms each other, clarifying our doubts now and then. "A friend in need, is a friend indeed!" ;-)
Would like to include that..well, I'm really glad that the breakup occurred. Without it, I'll never have been given boundless time and clear focused-mind to gain wisdom and knowledge. Wouldn't have been more possible. "Things does happen for it's reason."
:D
It didn't take me until recent did I start to grow my fondliness for Accounting. Mid-semester exam preparation was a hell moment of demoralisation. Back then, I thought Accounting was a real tough, incomprehendable and saturated module to take. Think about it... not anymore.
Perhaps it's an inheritence from my late-mummy.. She's an accountant too. Well.. although she is a super "wrap mountain wrap ocean" multipurpose woman in the firm she works in, she's an incredible and highly-indispensable employee. Hmm.. the cons of her job is that it's very demanding. Robs you of your time. I used to remember she used to do her accounts during weekends and occassional late nights. Furthermore, it's pretty stressful too. Perhaps it's so.. that my parents warn me about becoming an accountant.
Back to me. I've learnt to appreciate and value the fundementals of Accounting. Like what I told Qing.. the systematic (with frequent sophisticated variations) and the requirement of peculiar analytical skills appeals to me greatly. Growing to be more confident and ambition-orientated towards becoming an Accountant!
Why? Partly because of the relative attractive income. In addition, the passion and fulfilling self capability bah..
I've been spending my whole day in the library. I realised I'm discovering, learning new things everyday. Yet, at the same time, it's worrying to notice some nitty gritty details which are slipping off my already filled-hands.
Gratifying, Zhen Ze and I also sms each other, clarifying our doubts now and then. "A friend in need, is a friend indeed!" ;-)
Would like to include that..well, I'm really glad that the breakup occurred. Without it, I'll never have been given boundless time and clear focused-mind to gain wisdom and knowledge. Wouldn't have been more possible. "Things does happen for it's reason."
:D
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
De one with Cooking
PSI 40+
My first attempt at cooking occurs during home economics class at secondary school. I recalled I was partnering my classmate Yong Guang. Well, back then, all of us had to wear a white aprons. And we were told to have our names decorated on our aprons to better indentify ourselves. My late-mummy embross my name in rich blue. It was really admirable.
*pause* Well.. I really miss her.
Anyway, I was graded A for my home economics for sec 1 and 2. Well, not fully due to my competence. Partly because the teacher was one of my band teacher too. Hehe.. someone just can't help being a likable student? Nah.. I worked hard at everything.
As I grew older, I learnt to be able to cook maggi mee or instant noodles. Just boil hot water, put in all that you can find in the package and stir. Pretty easy. However, you've gotta wait for the water to boil before putting in the instant noodle. Besides this, I also learnt how to crack an egg. It seems pretty hard for a beginner to knock the egg at the edge of the cooking pot and cracking it in time for the egg to land within the parameters of the pot. Haha. Well, experiences does count!
Ooo.. I loved helping my family cook Campbell soup. Recalled it was one of the "must have" dish for dinner at home.
The second cooking skill I managed to learn was frying. As most of us would agree, the young just can't resist the taste of fried food. It wasn't until during my upper secondary level did I learnt how to do this. There was no one at home so I learn to fry. Which is what I hate the most.
Firstly, it's due to being afraid of being scald by the hot spluttering oil. Secondly, because you have to clean up the oily and stained cooking place.
Things to bear in mind are.. you have to wait for the oil to get heated up. Oftenly denoted by the stream. Otherwise, putting your food into the unheated oil earlier would only result the food in absorbing the oil. Next, you have to thaw your food before frying. If not, the food wouldn't be cooked completely. Lastly, the hot oil splutters because of contact with water. Yup.. so gotta bear in mind not to sprinkle water and experiencing the pain of getting scald by the hot liquid.
With experience, it allows for space for innovation and creativity. Recall by tradition, people usually add eggs to instant noodles. (Or was it only me?) I learnt to add sausages and try mixing natural sauces to enhance the taste.
I learnt to cook scramble eggs without oil. Healthier choice. Till date, I've experiment with dishes lik the recent Pineapple rice, Japanese curry, smash sausage patties. You just have to keep trying and trying.
Hmmm... People says that it's a plus point for men who knows how to cook.. Well, what say you?
All in all, besides the joy in possessing cookery skills. The ultimate joy still comes when people appreciates your cooking and seeing them savouring the dishes you've prepared, in delight.
Trust me, it's not just a satisfaction or sense of achievement only felt by a housewife or girl. Certainly, a man can derive this wonderful warm-heartedness too!
Well.. speaking of which, I would still hope for my future spouse to be someone who's able to cook. Erm.. not because I'm lazy or male-chauvinist. Rather, I want to have heart-bonding and romantic time, cooking together. Hehehe
My first attempt at cooking occurs during home economics class at secondary school. I recalled I was partnering my classmate Yong Guang. Well, back then, all of us had to wear a white aprons. And we were told to have our names decorated on our aprons to better indentify ourselves. My late-mummy embross my name in rich blue. It was really admirable.
*pause* Well.. I really miss her.
Anyway, I was graded A for my home economics for sec 1 and 2. Well, not fully due to my competence. Partly because the teacher was one of my band teacher too. Hehe.. someone just can't help being a likable student? Nah.. I worked hard at everything.
As I grew older, I learnt to be able to cook maggi mee or instant noodles. Just boil hot water, put in all that you can find in the package and stir. Pretty easy. However, you've gotta wait for the water to boil before putting in the instant noodle. Besides this, I also learnt how to crack an egg. It seems pretty hard for a beginner to knock the egg at the edge of the cooking pot and cracking it in time for the egg to land within the parameters of the pot. Haha. Well, experiences does count!
Ooo.. I loved helping my family cook Campbell soup. Recalled it was one of the "must have" dish for dinner at home.
The second cooking skill I managed to learn was frying. As most of us would agree, the young just can't resist the taste of fried food. It wasn't until during my upper secondary level did I learnt how to do this. There was no one at home so I learn to fry. Which is what I hate the most.
Firstly, it's due to being afraid of being scald by the hot spluttering oil. Secondly, because you have to clean up the oily and stained cooking place.
Things to bear in mind are.. you have to wait for the oil to get heated up. Oftenly denoted by the stream. Otherwise, putting your food into the unheated oil earlier would only result the food in absorbing the oil. Next, you have to thaw your food before frying. If not, the food wouldn't be cooked completely. Lastly, the hot oil splutters because of contact with water. Yup.. so gotta bear in mind not to sprinkle water and experiencing the pain of getting scald by the hot liquid.
With experience, it allows for space for innovation and creativity. Recall by tradition, people usually add eggs to instant noodles. (Or was it only me?) I learnt to add sausages and try mixing natural sauces to enhance the taste.
I learnt to cook scramble eggs without oil. Healthier choice. Till date, I've experiment with dishes lik the recent Pineapple rice, Japanese curry, smash sausage patties. You just have to keep trying and trying.
Hmmm... People says that it's a plus point for men who knows how to cook.. Well, what say you?
All in all, besides the joy in possessing cookery skills. The ultimate joy still comes when people appreciates your cooking and seeing them savouring the dishes you've prepared, in delight.
Trust me, it's not just a satisfaction or sense of achievement only felt by a housewife or girl. Certainly, a man can derive this wonderful warm-heartedness too!
Well.. speaking of which, I would still hope for my future spouse to be someone who's able to cook. Erm.. not because I'm lazy or male-chauvinist. Rather, I want to have heart-bonding and romantic time, cooking together. Hehehe
Monday, October 23, 2006
De one with Pineapple Rice
Humid
Today's been a great day. Went jogging in the morning. Managed to complete 3 km after 4 days of rest and exam preparations.
Empty stomached, I went to the library. Just in time when I reached, the door opened for admission. Hehe..save my time waiting. By the way, I didn't gel my hair.. Kinda like the natural look of my curled hair.
Today I revised two chapters of MKTG: Marketing Channels and Retailers & Wholesalers. I'm proud to say, I'm left with 3 more chapters to go. I did Accounting, to get familiarised with it again. Managed to learn a few more things I didn't realised during my revision for the last two weeks. Delightful event of the day, I realised I'm starting to have the passion for Accounting!
I went home early to try my first attempt cooking Pineapple Rice! Well.. disappointly, Mama was at the hospital visiting Uncle. She didn't tell me she have brought the neccessary ingredients for the dish. In the end, I went out to Thompson Plaza to buy raisins, Cashew nuts, Coriander. Since I couldn't get the real corianders, I bought the grinded type. Practised some creativity today. Decided to add my favourite macademia nuts besides the traditional cshew nuts.
Phew... I realised marketing skills and accounting does help. hehe.. I realised whatever I studied was really relevant and appropriate in real life. Realised there are so many products available. Pick..let's say.. Peanut Butter spread. There are so many brands.. each offering at different target consumers. Low fat for the health conscious... additional flavours for the variety-seekers.. Well...although these are "Fast Moving Convenient Goods", marketers have spoiled the consumers with a wide variety, increasing consumer's time spent on evaluating before purchase.
I must admit, I've changed in my consumption behaviour. Usually, I just grab whatever I desired. Unlike present, I dedicate more time considering the availables, compare the nutrientional informations ("labelling") and then, prices.
Ok..back to the cooking. With the help of ah-ma (my granny), we managed to follow the instructions on this "seasoning package".
1: Cut everything into small bits.
2: Add 1-2 teaspoon of VEGEATABLE oil. (Healthier choice hehe)
3: Stir-fry the shallots, onions, prawns, chicken meat (improvised)
Ah-ma taught me, to sitr fry the shallots and onions first. Until it's "qiah" (in Hokkien meaning crispy) before adding the meat. Although the instructions told me to put the vegetables in the end, poured in the baby-corns (substitude for the mixed vegetables), all the nuts.
4: After which, put the rice and the seasoning.
5: Having stir-fired the dish for a few minutes, put in the pineapple cubes.
6: Sprinkle the corianders.
Wah-la! Yummy!!!
It's delicious lor!!! It's really tasty.. I ate 3 korean-bowls of rice today.
Of course, pineapple must have accompanying dished. I fried a scrambled egg and cooked this made-to-ready Blackpepper Chicken.
Ser-dup!
Today's been a great day. Went jogging in the morning. Managed to complete 3 km after 4 days of rest and exam preparations.
Empty stomached, I went to the library. Just in time when I reached, the door opened for admission. Hehe..save my time waiting. By the way, I didn't gel my hair.. Kinda like the natural look of my curled hair.
Today I revised two chapters of MKTG: Marketing Channels and Retailers & Wholesalers. I'm proud to say, I'm left with 3 more chapters to go. I did Accounting, to get familiarised with it again. Managed to learn a few more things I didn't realised during my revision for the last two weeks. Delightful event of the day, I realised I'm starting to have the passion for Accounting!
I went home early to try my first attempt cooking Pineapple Rice! Well.. disappointly, Mama was at the hospital visiting Uncle. She didn't tell me she have brought the neccessary ingredients for the dish. In the end, I went out to Thompson Plaza to buy raisins, Cashew nuts, Coriander. Since I couldn't get the real corianders, I bought the grinded type. Practised some creativity today. Decided to add my favourite macademia nuts besides the traditional cshew nuts.
Phew... I realised marketing skills and accounting does help. hehe.. I realised whatever I studied was really relevant and appropriate in real life. Realised there are so many products available. Pick..let's say.. Peanut Butter spread. There are so many brands.. each offering at different target consumers. Low fat for the health conscious... additional flavours for the variety-seekers.. Well...although these are "Fast Moving Convenient Goods", marketers have spoiled the consumers with a wide variety, increasing consumer's time spent on evaluating before purchase.
I must admit, I've changed in my consumption behaviour. Usually, I just grab whatever I desired. Unlike present, I dedicate more time considering the availables, compare the nutrientional informations ("labelling") and then, prices.
Ok..back to the cooking. With the help of ah-ma (my granny), we managed to follow the instructions on this "seasoning package".
1: Cut everything into small bits.
2: Add 1-2 teaspoon of VEGEATABLE oil. (Healthier choice hehe)
3: Stir-fry the shallots, onions, prawns, chicken meat (improvised)
Ah-ma taught me, to sitr fry the shallots and onions first. Until it's "qiah" (in Hokkien meaning crispy) before adding the meat. Although the instructions told me to put the vegetables in the end, poured in the baby-corns (substitude for the mixed vegetables), all the nuts.
4: After which, put the rice and the seasoning.
5: Having stir-fired the dish for a few minutes, put in the pineapple cubes.
6: Sprinkle the corianders.
Wah-la! Yummy!!!
It's delicious lor!!! It's really tasty.. I ate 3 korean-bowls of rice today.
Of course, pineapple must have accompanying dished. I fried a scrambled egg and cooked this made-to-ready Blackpepper Chicken.
Ser-dup!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
De one with Wet Dreams
Hazier than yesterday
Wet dreams.. alot of people would let their imaginations run wild whenever this two words are mentioned. True enough for some, it's rather sensitive and embarrassing. Well, today''s topic is about wet dreams.. To those who are more open and biting their lower lips, read on... hehe omg.
"What?" would be the very first and crucial question to ask. Well.. I ain't gonna tell you what I dreamt about in my wet dreams. Haha.. Oops. However, of course it's gotta be obviously something that's coinciding with our deepest fantasies.
Personally, I didn't know the existence of "wet dream" until secondary 3 when I read about a chinese book (translated) The diary of a teenage boy. And of course, communication with my "filled with hormones" mate classmates! Well, *blushing* but hey, back than they only mention that we will have sexual dreams and the next morning, you'll wet your bed.
Hmmm.. vid idea. It didn't that me until I experienced it personally and confirmed as I grew older that "wet dream" was about having orgasm when you have exotic dreams. It's the cumming during subconscious state of mind. That's what's "wet dreams" all about.
I remember during army, my gunners keep asking me all these personal stuff during our out-field exercise. Part of so to know me better since I hardly talk much. Part of so, they enjoy making me embarrassed. I remembered this particular night, they were talking with this officer and he told them "You have wet dreams because you hardly masturbate".. Is it true?
What comes next is the response. Hearsay that some people wake up shortly after they cummed. True enough, most of us will feel shock. Then curiousity. After which embarrassment will follow. This is for the norm of cause. Least those who have knowledge of it previously. The feeling? Eeeekk.. I believe most of us will agree, it's uncomfortable and to a certain extent.. messy(?).
Of course, after adaptation, I can't really say for girls because I'm not one and I've never discuss this with any girls before. For guys, they just share the excitement. Did I? erm.. I didn't really but I did ask question to gain wisdom. haha.
Ooook.. that's enough for now. Whatever it is, just keep all this within this blog entry. Shhh! It's top secret! ;p
Wet dreams.. alot of people would let their imaginations run wild whenever this two words are mentioned. True enough for some, it's rather sensitive and embarrassing. Well, today''s topic is about wet dreams.. To those who are more open and biting their lower lips, read on... hehe omg.
"What?" would be the very first and crucial question to ask. Well.. I ain't gonna tell you what I dreamt about in my wet dreams. Haha.. Oops. However, of course it's gotta be obviously something that's coinciding with our deepest fantasies.
Personally, I didn't know the existence of "wet dream" until secondary 3 when I read about a chinese book (translated) The diary of a teenage boy. And of course, communication with my "filled with hormones" mate classmates! Well, *blushing* but hey, back than they only mention that we will have sexual dreams and the next morning, you'll wet your bed.
Hmmm.. vid idea. It didn't that me until I experienced it personally and confirmed as I grew older that "wet dream" was about having orgasm when you have exotic dreams. It's the cumming during subconscious state of mind. That's what's "wet dreams" all about.
I remember during army, my gunners keep asking me all these personal stuff during our out-field exercise. Part of so to know me better since I hardly talk much. Part of so, they enjoy making me embarrassed. I remembered this particular night, they were talking with this officer and he told them "You have wet dreams because you hardly masturbate".. Is it true?
What comes next is the response. Hearsay that some people wake up shortly after they cummed. True enough, most of us will feel shock. Then curiousity. After which embarrassment will follow. This is for the norm of cause. Least those who have knowledge of it previously. The feeling? Eeeekk.. I believe most of us will agree, it's uncomfortable and to a certain extent.. messy(?).
Of course, after adaptation, I can't really say for girls because I'm not one and I've never discuss this with any girls before. For guys, they just share the excitement. Did I? erm.. I didn't really but I did ask question to gain wisdom. haha.
Ooook.. that's enough for now. Whatever it is, just keep all this within this blog entry. Shhh! It's top secret! ;p
Friday, October 20, 2006
De one with Lake House
Hazy Friday
I've never felt as peaceful as the calm lake today...
Watched my favourite show "The Lake House" again on vcd. It's a true beauty.
The story is touching. The cast are terrific. The romance in it is wonderfully romantic.
Towards the end, i was near tearing. Oops..
Life is really unpredictable. There are ups and down. You might be holding on to something and the next moment, before you know it, it's gone... But then again.. nobody ends with nothing. A new life stage or chapter begin. And definately, it's better and better.
I know it. I'm experiencing it now.
;)
I've never felt as peaceful as the calm lake today...
Watched my favourite show "The Lake House" again on vcd. It's a true beauty.
The story is touching. The cast are terrific. The romance in it is wonderfully romantic.
Towards the end, i was near tearing. Oops..
Life is really unpredictable. There are ups and down. You might be holding on to something and the next moment, before you know it, it's gone... But then again.. nobody ends with nothing. A new life stage or chapter begin. And definately, it's better and better.
I know it. I'm experiencing it now.
;)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
De one with Thursday at Library
Hazy
Spent the whole day mugging at library today. Though I didn't do much. However, I managed to complete the last chapter for ACCT and 4 chapters for MKTG.
Ratio Analysis and Interpretation is a very tough chapter to deal with. Phew... finally settled it. Well though i've completed the chapters revision for ACCT, there are some patches here and there which I'm still not familiarised with.
For MKTG, I managed to revised the previous chapters all over again since it's been awhile back as I was concentrating on ACCT. Plus another chapter Buyers Process and Behaviour. Later still gotta study more chapters to be on schedule.
Evening time, I went up to Novena to have dinner at the Wokplace. A Thai-chinese restaurant which serves halal food at the same time. Mama, Jasmine and I ordered Pineapple rice, Hotplate Black pepper beef, Tom Yum soup and Baby Kailan. It was fairly good.
The bus trip back wasn't enjoyable. Everyone's tired. The crowded scene on the bus just makes things not any better.
Sigh. Exams preparation is tiring... but thank goodness, I have friends who keep messaging me to show their concern constantly. Thank you guys.
Spent the whole day mugging at library today. Though I didn't do much. However, I managed to complete the last chapter for ACCT and 4 chapters for MKTG.
Ratio Analysis and Interpretation is a very tough chapter to deal with. Phew... finally settled it. Well though i've completed the chapters revision for ACCT, there are some patches here and there which I'm still not familiarised with.
For MKTG, I managed to revised the previous chapters all over again since it's been awhile back as I was concentrating on ACCT. Plus another chapter Buyers Process and Behaviour. Later still gotta study more chapters to be on schedule.
Evening time, I went up to Novena to have dinner at the Wokplace. A Thai-chinese restaurant which serves halal food at the same time. Mama, Jasmine and I ordered Pineapple rice, Hotplate Black pepper beef, Tom Yum soup and Baby Kailan. It was fairly good.
The bus trip back wasn't enjoyable. Everyone's tired. The crowded scene on the bus just makes things not any better.
Sigh. Exams preparation is tiring... but thank goodness, I have friends who keep messaging me to show their concern constantly. Thank you guys.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
De one with 100th Entry
Hazy
It's been an tiring day. Thank goodness I'm back at home. Had a relaxed bath and smelling sweet again... sipping on my favourite aromatic, smoothing cool Green Tea with Gui Hwa.
This is my 100th entry! Well, by it's number, it means nothing. However, what's worth exclaiming about is this entry tells about the end of a part of a recent major life stage.
Today is the last lecture for my 1st semester of my course. Rightfully, it should have ended last week. However, our responsible Macroeconomics lecturer called for an extra lecture to complete the last remaining topic. There goes the $5+ k of tuition fee.
Well, I bet most would agree. When one faces the end, they will start reminiscing the beginning... Like most ending in TV drama or the conclusion of a GP essay, every end is compose with a flashback.
31 July was the day when I embark on my course in SIM officially. After a morning of briefing, course introduction and administration, and campus familiarisation, I experienced my first MKTG lecture with our sarcastic yet professional Australian lecturer.
The coordinator, Dr Con was very fast lecturer. There were no time to stop and take a breath. From his manner of teaching, one can sense his obviously pride. Displaying competence in his field of education, he never fails to mention tonnes of relevent and appropriate examples. One of which, Levi Strauss was his commonly mentioned.
In terms of speed, another competing and better Australian lecturer was our ACCT lecturer. Attending ACCT lectures make me felt as if I was onboard a bullet train. Information were taught like the fast-moving sceneries. He was a man of high expectations, superbly passionate and demanding of his students. Not a lecturer you would dare to slack because he's constantly on your neck and pushing you to achieve. He tours around the lecture hall when he teaches and always looking and staring into the eyes.
In life, all things balances. Thankfully, ECON and ISYS experiences with the Australian lecturers were alot slower.
ECON lecturer was very slow. Maybe abit too slow. And often, unclear in his speech as he mumbles. I always think he resembles my JC GP tutor, Mr Cherry Chacko. With a fair mix of Santa Clause (due to his rosy cheeks and his white beard). A funny part about him was that he's always talking in a mumbling manner (sounds like a lallaby after prolonged hearing), students oftenly advise him to speak with more force into the microphone which was already at maximum volume. I managed to detect his attributes. He loves to share economic articles from the newspapers, to provide us with insights and discussion. Just that well... his soft-spokeness shadows everything.
Alittle better would be the Australian lecturer for ISYS. Constantly definining himself as a computer geek. Well.. He don't really appear to be one. I do appreciate his efforts to make the class less boring, through his jokes occassionally. Unfortunately, most of the time, only he could understand and laugh at his own joke. Omg. I really pity him.
After 3 lectures with individual lecturers from Australia. I was pretty relieved to have Local lecturers whose teaching methods and manner of speech makes me feel more comfortable and closer-to-heart.
Let's start with MKTG lecturer, Mrs Patricia Chia. She displays feminism and competence in her field of experties. Always providing recognisable examples in local context which proved to be more understandable. I recalled on the first day of lecture with her when new lecture notes were distributed for own collection. She requested my help and end up with a deficit copy (with some pages missing). Oops!
One thing about Patricia was that she likes to conduct audience-participating tutorials discussion in class. She will walk around the lecture stalls and stop in front of anyone. The next thing she will do is press the collar microphone to you and not leave until you've whispered or vocalise your voice into the mic. It makes our heartbeat accelerating and our nerves racking!!
Next is Daniel Tan, our friendly and experienced ACCT local lecturer. Always making sure we understand the concepts in ACCT. He doesn't mind repeating. A very student-orientated lecturer. Always emphasised and prove with actions that he's an "educator" rather than a "teacher". What is amirable about Daniel is his friendliness and openess, always providing us with simplifying stories and own life experiences.
What a non-boring lecture filled with laughter and lively delights? Well, our ECON lecturer Mr Saminathan delivers it. He's reputable in handling the large lecture group's attention and noise level. What's unforgettable about this guy is his out-frankiness and use of comical yet appropriate and relevant examples. Well.. he's always late for lectures, most probably because he anticipated us to be late. Haha. Sometimes, my imagination grow wild. Because he's an Indian, the tamil slang make me feel as if a mama-shop uncle or a Blangadeshi worker is teaching me macroeconomics. Oops! ;)
Last but not least, our ISYS lecturer Dr Lawrence Sim. Mentioned in my past entries. He teaches us the concepts as though we were kindergarden kids. hehehe.. Anyway, computing lessons in lab were never boring because we keep ourselves occupied with the fascinating computer unit each of us have in front of us.
Today is a day where things are gone. Apart from my last lecture for this sem. Another thing was gone too, which I wouldn't want to mention much. There you have it. The 100th Entry of my blog.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
It's been an tiring day. Thank goodness I'm back at home. Had a relaxed bath and smelling sweet again... sipping on my favourite aromatic, smoothing cool Green Tea with Gui Hwa.
This is my 100th entry! Well, by it's number, it means nothing. However, what's worth exclaiming about is this entry tells about the end of a part of a recent major life stage.
Today is the last lecture for my 1st semester of my course. Rightfully, it should have ended last week. However, our responsible Macroeconomics lecturer called for an extra lecture to complete the last remaining topic. There goes the $5+ k of tuition fee.
Well, I bet most would agree. When one faces the end, they will start reminiscing the beginning... Like most ending in TV drama or the conclusion of a GP essay, every end is compose with a flashback.
31 July was the day when I embark on my course in SIM officially. After a morning of briefing, course introduction and administration, and campus familiarisation, I experienced my first MKTG lecture with our sarcastic yet professional Australian lecturer.
The coordinator, Dr Con was very fast lecturer. There were no time to stop and take a breath. From his manner of teaching, one can sense his obviously pride. Displaying competence in his field of education, he never fails to mention tonnes of relevent and appropriate examples. One of which, Levi Strauss was his commonly mentioned.
In terms of speed, another competing and better Australian lecturer was our ACCT lecturer. Attending ACCT lectures make me felt as if I was onboard a bullet train. Information were taught like the fast-moving sceneries. He was a man of high expectations, superbly passionate and demanding of his students. Not a lecturer you would dare to slack because he's constantly on your neck and pushing you to achieve. He tours around the lecture hall when he teaches and always looking and staring into the eyes.
In life, all things balances. Thankfully, ECON and ISYS experiences with the Australian lecturers were alot slower.
ECON lecturer was very slow. Maybe abit too slow. And often, unclear in his speech as he mumbles. I always think he resembles my JC GP tutor, Mr Cherry Chacko. With a fair mix of Santa Clause (due to his rosy cheeks and his white beard). A funny part about him was that he's always talking in a mumbling manner (sounds like a lallaby after prolonged hearing), students oftenly advise him to speak with more force into the microphone which was already at maximum volume. I managed to detect his attributes. He loves to share economic articles from the newspapers, to provide us with insights and discussion. Just that well... his soft-spokeness shadows everything.
Alittle better would be the Australian lecturer for ISYS. Constantly definining himself as a computer geek. Well.. He don't really appear to be one. I do appreciate his efforts to make the class less boring, through his jokes occassionally. Unfortunately, most of the time, only he could understand and laugh at his own joke. Omg. I really pity him.
After 3 lectures with individual lecturers from Australia. I was pretty relieved to have Local lecturers whose teaching methods and manner of speech makes me feel more comfortable and closer-to-heart.
Let's start with MKTG lecturer, Mrs Patricia Chia. She displays feminism and competence in her field of experties. Always providing recognisable examples in local context which proved to be more understandable. I recalled on the first day of lecture with her when new lecture notes were distributed for own collection. She requested my help and end up with a deficit copy (with some pages missing). Oops!
One thing about Patricia was that she likes to conduct audience-participating tutorials discussion in class. She will walk around the lecture stalls and stop in front of anyone. The next thing she will do is press the collar microphone to you and not leave until you've whispered or vocalise your voice into the mic. It makes our heartbeat accelerating and our nerves racking!!
Next is Daniel Tan, our friendly and experienced ACCT local lecturer. Always making sure we understand the concepts in ACCT. He doesn't mind repeating. A very student-orientated lecturer. Always emphasised and prove with actions that he's an "educator" rather than a "teacher". What is amirable about Daniel is his friendliness and openess, always providing us with simplifying stories and own life experiences.
What a non-boring lecture filled with laughter and lively delights? Well, our ECON lecturer Mr Saminathan delivers it. He's reputable in handling the large lecture group's attention and noise level. What's unforgettable about this guy is his out-frankiness and use of comical yet appropriate and relevant examples. Well.. he's always late for lectures, most probably because he anticipated us to be late. Haha. Sometimes, my imagination grow wild. Because he's an Indian, the tamil slang make me feel as if a mama-shop uncle or a Blangadeshi worker is teaching me macroeconomics. Oops! ;)
Last but not least, our ISYS lecturer Dr Lawrence Sim. Mentioned in my past entries. He teaches us the concepts as though we were kindergarden kids. hehehe.. Anyway, computing lessons in lab were never boring because we keep ourselves occupied with the fascinating computer unit each of us have in front of us.
Today is a day where things are gone. Apart from my last lecture for this sem. Another thing was gone too, which I wouldn't want to mention much. There you have it. The 100th Entry of my blog.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
De one with Amazing Race: AMK library
Hibernating in library from the haze
SPECIAL REPORT!! Amazing Race is here in Singapore again!!
All contestants from AMK distinct have to arrive at AMK community library by 10am today.
These contestants are all highly competitive, equipped with textbooks of their own, some with bags, files.. all with their desire to get into the library itself where the amazing race ends at this very destination!
Crazy introduction?! some migh just find it lame. Hehe.. anyway, it was worth blogging what happened this morning as it was my first time ever, having to queue up while waiting with crowd, all anxiously waiting to get into the library as if there was a sales at some shopping centre. Omg.
What's more surprising and puzzling was that today happened to be a weekday lor.. Never in my life have I witness such an occassion.. People actually queue up kiasu-ly to gain entry into such places? Omg.. I was wondering how worst the situation could get if it was on a week end.
Today was another fruitful day from 10 am to 6pm, mugging (Singlish:- Studying hard/cramping for examinations) the time at the cosy and conducive environment.
Oh! Before this, I went to NTUC (nearby mah) to get my current Fab "Heaven and Earth green tea with Gui Hwa"... It's an auromatic drink.. super savouring.. I realised this last day when I lunched with Zhen Ze and Guan Hui at Clementi on Monday. 100ml bottle for $1. Thus, I bought two to substain my mugging session for the day.
Managed to get the 2nd table. Initially it was shaking. Fortunately, I managed to position the table and wah-la! it became stable (hehe.. I sure have a way of fixing things~).. Well, another funny thing which occured was the person sitting next to me was an accounting student. What a mere coincedence! Yesterday, the person sitting next to me was an accounting student too! Omg!
Well, another thing worth mentioning was due to their pressence, I feel abit stressed unexplainably. Yesterday I felt, I wasn't good enough because we're seperated by benchmark. To be more precise, it's what we are more familiarised with.. a feeling called Inadequate.
Well, fortunately, thanks to Kelvin's console and life-experienced inspiring example, i got some used to it and hey..it really doesn't matter. It's actually psychotic. I managed to focus on my own bit of study. I'm sure I'll make a competent, compassionate and professional accountant! I managed to wrap up 3 chapters today. Namely Costing, Regulatory environment, Business Environment, Ethics and COrporate Governence.
Can't get enough of good news?! I'm proud to announce that I'm left with ONE more chapter to mug for my accounting!! *glamourous smile*
I also realised, the resultant of this was I'm lagging behind in my other modules. Oops! So must allocated more time on other modules! Hehe.. Managed to complete one Marketing chapter.
I had Subway (Yeah..I'm lovin' it) take away for dinner. Jasmine said she wanted it. End up, I only saw her sms, informing her cancellation of order because Mama cooked beef for her. After I bought Subway. Diao~ . ~ . ~ .
Never mind, at least I reached home and drank the Gui Hwa with Green tea, Mama bought for me today.
Really glad the amazing race at AMK library was worth the knowledge and wisdom gained. Fruitful day! :D
SPECIAL REPORT!! Amazing Race is here in Singapore again!!
All contestants from AMK distinct have to arrive at AMK community library by 10am today.
These contestants are all highly competitive, equipped with textbooks of their own, some with bags, files.. all with their desire to get into the library itself where the amazing race ends at this very destination!
Crazy introduction?! some migh just find it lame. Hehe.. anyway, it was worth blogging what happened this morning as it was my first time ever, having to queue up while waiting with crowd, all anxiously waiting to get into the library as if there was a sales at some shopping centre. Omg.
What's more surprising and puzzling was that today happened to be a weekday lor.. Never in my life have I witness such an occassion.. People actually queue up kiasu-ly to gain entry into such places? Omg.. I was wondering how worst the situation could get if it was on a week end.
Today was another fruitful day from 10 am to 6pm, mugging (Singlish:- Studying hard/cramping for examinations) the time at the cosy and conducive environment.
Oh! Before this, I went to NTUC (nearby mah) to get my current Fab "Heaven and Earth green tea with Gui Hwa"... It's an auromatic drink.. super savouring.. I realised this last day when I lunched with Zhen Ze and Guan Hui at Clementi on Monday. 100ml bottle for $1. Thus, I bought two to substain my mugging session for the day.
Managed to get the 2nd table. Initially it was shaking. Fortunately, I managed to position the table and wah-la! it became stable (hehe.. I sure have a way of fixing things~).. Well, another funny thing which occured was the person sitting next to me was an accounting student. What a mere coincedence! Yesterday, the person sitting next to me was an accounting student too! Omg!
Well, another thing worth mentioning was due to their pressence, I feel abit stressed unexplainably. Yesterday I felt, I wasn't good enough because we're seperated by benchmark. To be more precise, it's what we are more familiarised with.. a feeling called Inadequate.
Well, fortunately, thanks to Kelvin's console and life-experienced inspiring example, i got some used to it and hey..it really doesn't matter. It's actually psychotic. I managed to focus on my own bit of study. I'm sure I'll make a competent, compassionate and professional accountant! I managed to wrap up 3 chapters today. Namely Costing, Regulatory environment, Business Environment, Ethics and COrporate Governence.
Can't get enough of good news?! I'm proud to announce that I'm left with ONE more chapter to mug for my accounting!! *glamourous smile*
I also realised, the resultant of this was I'm lagging behind in my other modules. Oops! So must allocated more time on other modules! Hehe.. Managed to complete one Marketing chapter.
I had Subway (Yeah..I'm lovin' it) take away for dinner. Jasmine said she wanted it. End up, I only saw her sms, informing her cancellation of order because Mama cooked beef for her. After I bought Subway. Diao~ . ~ . ~ .
Never mind, at least I reached home and drank the Gui Hwa with Green tea, Mama bought for me today.
Really glad the amazing race at AMK library was worth the knowledge and wisdom gained. Fruitful day! :D
Sunday, October 15, 2006
De one with Sunday with Akeelah & the Bee
Hazy and warm day
Early morning, woke up around 9am and dragged myself for morning jog. Surprises just keeps appearing this week. Guess who did I see at Bishan Park? my secondary school mates, playing soccer. Well, I just wanted to concentrate on my jogging, so i didn't approach them. Hehe.
Well, it was a rather refreshing jog along Marymount Rd all the way up to Bishan Fire Station before making a U-turn down along Thompson Rd, cut into the Car Industrial Park and back to the park. Wuao...
After that, had two pages of printout for my assignment touch up. Just because I couldn't accept the header for two pages being too high. Hehe.. Perfectionist mah..
Made my way to AMK library. However there wasn't any unoccupied tables. So I studied for awhile at the sofa seats, beside this sweet lady. Unsatisfied, I decided to leave for Bishan library. Well..there were seats but the children at the children's section downstairs were too noisy. Hence, unable to find my conducive in the environment, I bunk off to Toa Payoh. Haha.
Toa Payoh Library was worst. There were so much people. Well.. I guess I wasn't in the right mood for studies. So I decided to take the day-off. Oops. Hehe.
I end up buying Akeelah and the Bee. An adaption from the summary. It's the inspirational story of Akeelah Andrerson, an 11-yr-old girl with a gift for words. Despite the objections of her mother, Akeelah enters various spelling contests, for which she is tutored by the forthright Dr. Larabee; her principal Mr. Welch and the proud residents of her neighbourhood. Akeelah's aptitude earns her an opportunity to compete for a spot in the Scripps National Spelling Bee and, in turn, unties her neighbourhood who witness the courage and inspiration of one amazing little girl.
The ending was moving. Akeelah and her strong competitor Dylan, won the double championship. In the movie, I heard of my favourite prose. It's about liberating the fear of ownself. Perviously heard from Coach Carter.
Well.. the movie awakened myself. The previous 21 years of my life was alot. I'm not that bad afterall. I've changed alot and achieved alot. From a shy, autistic boy to be more sociable and friendly guy. My secondary pursue and spirit for my military band and music. My passion for art. Coping with all the emotions. My leadership and capability in running during NS. And now, smart enough to be in SIM university doing a degree along the profession of my late mummy.
An add-on to my previous entry "De one with a Spark of Inspiration", I've always strived to do my best. I did. For once, I put away my humble and amplify my pride.
Life's really turning out good. Thankfully, the grey clouds shifted itself out from me which I thought was Eden. Oops. How silly I was.
Early morning, woke up around 9am and dragged myself for morning jog. Surprises just keeps appearing this week. Guess who did I see at Bishan Park? my secondary school mates, playing soccer. Well, I just wanted to concentrate on my jogging, so i didn't approach them. Hehe.
Well, it was a rather refreshing jog along Marymount Rd all the way up to Bishan Fire Station before making a U-turn down along Thompson Rd, cut into the Car Industrial Park and back to the park. Wuao...
After that, had two pages of printout for my assignment touch up. Just because I couldn't accept the header for two pages being too high. Hehe.. Perfectionist mah..
Made my way to AMK library. However there wasn't any unoccupied tables. So I studied for awhile at the sofa seats, beside this sweet lady. Unsatisfied, I decided to leave for Bishan library. Well..there were seats but the children at the children's section downstairs were too noisy. Hence, unable to find my conducive in the environment, I bunk off to Toa Payoh. Haha.
Toa Payoh Library was worst. There were so much people. Well.. I guess I wasn't in the right mood for studies. So I decided to take the day-off. Oops. Hehe.
I end up buying Akeelah and the Bee. An adaption from the summary. It's the inspirational story of Akeelah Andrerson, an 11-yr-old girl with a gift for words. Despite the objections of her mother, Akeelah enters various spelling contests, for which she is tutored by the forthright Dr. Larabee; her principal Mr. Welch and the proud residents of her neighbourhood. Akeelah's aptitude earns her an opportunity to compete for a spot in the Scripps National Spelling Bee and, in turn, unties her neighbourhood who witness the courage and inspiration of one amazing little girl.
The ending was moving. Akeelah and her strong competitor Dylan, won the double championship. In the movie, I heard of my favourite prose. It's about liberating the fear of ownself. Perviously heard from Coach Carter.
Well.. the movie awakened myself. The previous 21 years of my life was alot. I'm not that bad afterall. I've changed alot and achieved alot. From a shy, autistic boy to be more sociable and friendly guy. My secondary pursue and spirit for my military band and music. My passion for art. Coping with all the emotions. My leadership and capability in running during NS. And now, smart enough to be in SIM university doing a degree along the profession of my late mummy.
An add-on to my previous entry "De one with a Spark of Inspiration", I've always strived to do my best. I did. For once, I put away my humble and amplify my pride.
Life's really turning out good. Thankfully, the grey clouds shifted itself out from me which I thought was Eden. Oops. How silly I was.
De one with A spark of Inspiration [Emolings]
Spreading thy wings and starting to soar
Have you ever been in a moment where you feel you've all the support of people surrounding you, feel that you can't be more appropriate and right possible in your entire life. I have. This iscalled LOVE. L. O. V. E.
It's the moment I'm truly myself. Just the way I like my life to be. No complications. Just simply me. It's gratifying.
Jason no longer cry anymore. Well.. there may be times I feel down. However, I'm proud to say, in all my life, I'm fortunately to say in all the relationships I've been through, I gave my best shot in it.
I did. Wholeheartedly... Genuinely.. Sincerely.
I'm truly happy and inspired by myself.
I finally realised this. Today.
:D
Have you ever been in a moment where you feel you've all the support of people surrounding you, feel that you can't be more appropriate and right possible in your entire life. I have. This iscalled LOVE. L. O. V. E.
It's the moment I'm truly myself. Just the way I like my life to be. No complications. Just simply me. It's gratifying.
Jason no longer cry anymore. Well.. there may be times I feel down. However, I'm proud to say, in all my life, I'm fortunately to say in all the relationships I've been through, I gave my best shot in it.
I did. Wholeheartedly... Genuinely.. Sincerely.
I'm truly happy and inspired by myself.
I finally realised this. Today.
:D
Saturday, October 14, 2006
De one with a Note to Unworthy [Emolings]
Humble in Pride
I didn't take anything from you. Talk about Karma, I think I've paid and experienced whatever devastation you've never faced nor been through before.
I loved a person who cheat me of 5k. And I faced the grief of losing two family members.
At least you have a mother to run to. When you feel troubled, you have a home with all family members full-house, to return too.
No. I didn't take anything from you.
Humans never learn. But I've learnt. This time... it's really over.
No more downpour in my heart. It's sunny from now onwards.
I didn't take anything from you. Talk about Karma, I think I've paid and experienced whatever devastation you've never faced nor been through before.
I loved a person who cheat me of 5k. And I faced the grief of losing two family members.
At least you have a mother to run to. When you feel troubled, you have a home with all family members full-house, to return too.
No. I didn't take anything from you.
Humans never learn. But I've learnt. This time... it's really over.
No more downpour in my heart. It's sunny from now onwards.
De one with Friday the 13th
Drizzle and sunshine
Today is Friday the 13th. To many, they always believe it to be an unlucky day. Presumingly, Robinson Crusude's friend Friday, died on this day. Anyway.. this isn't my area of superstition.
I dressed all black today. Nope. Not because it's Friday the 13th. However, an all black attire because I went to visit my mummy again. It occurred to me that I've not visited mummy last month. Sigh. Perhaps God's punishing me for being too caught up in my relationship (which was really a waste and disastrous). Looking back, time really pass by very rapidly. Yesterday marked the 15 month since mummy left.
Differ form the norm, I bought 2 stalks of roses instead of 3. It symbolises "Miss you". In my heart, I was really lost. It feel so empty even since someone who filled and emptied it completely recently. Not even a single bit left because my rage burnt and evaporated every drop of it.
On my way from Thompson Plaza to Mandai Coloumnarium, there was a downpour. I was crying in my heart as the realising loneliness kept sipping in boundlessly. Unexplainably, when I arrived throught the gates of the destination, the rain faded and the skies turned cloudy.
The place was pretty crowded compared to the previous afternoons I've been there. Anyway, I spent some quality time with mummy. Updating her every single bit about my life, the family and all that was bad.
Managed to restored peace in me. In addition to what happened to me in the morning when I went jogging after only 4 hours of sleep last night. For once ever since the breakup, memories flashback of the sweet-time I had with Sweet, I didn't feel abit of remorse or missing. Instead, I felt appreciative and smiled at the rememberance of us.
Friday the 13th wasn't a bad day for me after all. I left Mandai. It didn't rain until I reached the busstop. What's with luck on me? ;)
Somebody said a couple of things which nearly ruined my day. However, this day was just too good and real smooth for me. Another plus upgrade was I was matured enough to think and not get so easily affected by what others say.
Till today, I realised... I didn't love Sweet a single bit. Silly that I only managed to realised it today. They say, "the person who hurt you most is the person is the one you loved most". I just don't think I loved Sweet that much as I've thought myself to be.
I went to library for a short period for studying. Sigh. Cost is really tough. Plus my eyes were tired from the lack of sleep last night. I decided to leave for Orchard earlier to met Mohan.
Arrival at Orchard MRT, I was infested with the surveyers while I wait for Mohan. We walked to Cineleisure to buy our movie tickets. Meantime, we dined at Paragon's Thai Express. Upon hearing from me that 4:30 was out, we went to three different places as Mohan wanted to get the show on dvd. Only to find it at our last stop at Sembawang Music Store just before we went up for our movie.
After a pretty long time, I finally stick back to having popcorns for movie. Lucky again? For the first time in all the times I've watched movie at Cine, we have our movie threatre on the 9th storey!
We watched this heartwarming movie: Little Miss Sunshine (though I wanted to watch WTC initially but I changed my mind and accomodate Mohan as I was in the mood for a happy movie). The movie was rather good. Heart delighting. It was about the things good and bad which occured during a family's trip to this beauty pageant, the young daughter, Olive was participating.
The movie portrays the ambitions and dissapointment of family. Olive's dream to win in the Little Miss Sunshine yet she's pretty obese since she loved ice-cream. There was Mr Hoover who got con into a business, selling a book based on his enthusiastic model differentiating winners and losers. There was Mrs Hoover, coping with her stress as good wife, mother and sister. There was Uncle Frank who was a homosexual and the 3rd scholar in the states, attempted suicide because he got sacked by his job at uni due to a scandal with a student. And Granpa who died due to overdosage of drugs. Lastly, there was Dwine, the eldest son who strived so much to become a pilot yet disabled with color blindness.
The family been through alot. From dealing with a spolit clutch minibus, Grandpa's death and finally, the hilarious amirable support of the whole family to Olive who wasn't getting the support from the crowd with her striptease dance.
All in all, there was a contrast in the show which left a very deep impression in me. Frank was at a petrol station, buying porn for Granpa Hoover. He met the student he was in love with. The student saw Frank's purchase and withdraw from Frank. Haha.. usually, a normal friend who sees you will a GAY porn will withdraw and run off from you. In this movie, it was the opposite.
After movie, we came across this new store : Super surf..something Surf. We went in. As I was browsing the slippers. This lovely female assistant ask me how old we (Mohan and me) were. When I replied we were 21, she was astonised. Told me we look alot younger. Haha.
The both of us decided to chill out at the only Starbucks we've never been to at the old Singtel Building. Unexpectedly, it was crowded. So we patronised the one at Wheelock Place. Mohan said there was this guy who staring at us. Earlier as we walked along Orcahrd Road, Mohan said a guy was staring at me. When Mohan was trying his clothes at NUM vintage store, the male assistant keep taking glances at me. Omg. Am I becoming a male-magnet? Haha.
Friday the thirteen. Well... definately an enjoyable day. But tiring day... *wink*
Today is Friday the 13th. To many, they always believe it to be an unlucky day. Presumingly, Robinson Crusude's friend Friday, died on this day. Anyway.. this isn't my area of superstition.
I dressed all black today. Nope. Not because it's Friday the 13th. However, an all black attire because I went to visit my mummy again. It occurred to me that I've not visited mummy last month. Sigh. Perhaps God's punishing me for being too caught up in my relationship (which was really a waste and disastrous). Looking back, time really pass by very rapidly. Yesterday marked the 15 month since mummy left.
Differ form the norm, I bought 2 stalks of roses instead of 3. It symbolises "Miss you". In my heart, I was really lost. It feel so empty even since someone who filled and emptied it completely recently. Not even a single bit left because my rage burnt and evaporated every drop of it.
On my way from Thompson Plaza to Mandai Coloumnarium, there was a downpour. I was crying in my heart as the realising loneliness kept sipping in boundlessly. Unexplainably, when I arrived throught the gates of the destination, the rain faded and the skies turned cloudy.
The place was pretty crowded compared to the previous afternoons I've been there. Anyway, I spent some quality time with mummy. Updating her every single bit about my life, the family and all that was bad.
Managed to restored peace in me. In addition to what happened to me in the morning when I went jogging after only 4 hours of sleep last night. For once ever since the breakup, memories flashback of the sweet-time I had with Sweet, I didn't feel abit of remorse or missing. Instead, I felt appreciative and smiled at the rememberance of us.
Friday the 13th wasn't a bad day for me after all. I left Mandai. It didn't rain until I reached the busstop. What's with luck on me? ;)
Somebody said a couple of things which nearly ruined my day. However, this day was just too good and real smooth for me. Another plus upgrade was I was matured enough to think and not get so easily affected by what others say.
Till today, I realised... I didn't love Sweet a single bit. Silly that I only managed to realised it today. They say, "the person who hurt you most is the person is the one you loved most". I just don't think I loved Sweet that much as I've thought myself to be.
I went to library for a short period for studying. Sigh. Cost is really tough. Plus my eyes were tired from the lack of sleep last night. I decided to leave for Orchard earlier to met Mohan.
Arrival at Orchard MRT, I was infested with the surveyers while I wait for Mohan. We walked to Cineleisure to buy our movie tickets. Meantime, we dined at Paragon's Thai Express. Upon hearing from me that 4:30 was out, we went to three different places as Mohan wanted to get the show on dvd. Only to find it at our last stop at Sembawang Music Store just before we went up for our movie.
After a pretty long time, I finally stick back to having popcorns for movie. Lucky again? For the first time in all the times I've watched movie at Cine, we have our movie threatre on the 9th storey!
We watched this heartwarming movie: Little Miss Sunshine (though I wanted to watch WTC initially but I changed my mind and accomodate Mohan as I was in the mood for a happy movie). The movie was rather good. Heart delighting. It was about the things good and bad which occured during a family's trip to this beauty pageant, the young daughter, Olive was participating.
The movie portrays the ambitions and dissapointment of family. Olive's dream to win in the Little Miss Sunshine yet she's pretty obese since she loved ice-cream. There was Mr Hoover who got con into a business, selling a book based on his enthusiastic model differentiating winners and losers. There was Mrs Hoover, coping with her stress as good wife, mother and sister. There was Uncle Frank who was a homosexual and the 3rd scholar in the states, attempted suicide because he got sacked by his job at uni due to a scandal with a student. And Granpa who died due to overdosage of drugs. Lastly, there was Dwine, the eldest son who strived so much to become a pilot yet disabled with color blindness.
The family been through alot. From dealing with a spolit clutch minibus, Grandpa's death and finally, the hilarious amirable support of the whole family to Olive who wasn't getting the support from the crowd with her striptease dance.
All in all, there was a contrast in the show which left a very deep impression in me. Frank was at a petrol station, buying porn for Granpa Hoover. He met the student he was in love with. The student saw Frank's purchase and withdraw from Frank. Haha.. usually, a normal friend who sees you will a GAY porn will withdraw and run off from you. In this movie, it was the opposite.
After movie, we came across this new store : Super surf..something Surf. We went in. As I was browsing the slippers. This lovely female assistant ask me how old we (Mohan and me) were. When I replied we were 21, she was astonised. Told me we look alot younger. Haha.
The both of us decided to chill out at the only Starbucks we've never been to at the old Singtel Building. Unexpectedly, it was crowded. So we patronised the one at Wheelock Place. Mohan said there was this guy who staring at us. Earlier as we walked along Orcahrd Road, Mohan said a guy was staring at me. When Mohan was trying his clothes at NUM vintage store, the male assistant keep taking glances at me. Omg. Am I becoming a male-magnet? Haha.
Friday the thirteen. Well... definately an enjoyable day. But tiring day... *wink*
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
De one with Shopping again
Sunny, hazy
Today was supposedly the last lecture of ECON1016. However the lecturer couldn't complete his teaching of topic: International Trade. Hence, we have an extra lecture on Wednesday next week.
Went to campus early for studying at the library after a light morning jog. Didn't do much. the whole 3 hours I was cramping my head to read up and pick up the relevant crucials in the Accounting chapter 10: Budgets and CVP. Sigh. Halfway through, all thanks to the finishing of MintueMaid Lemonade, I experience sharp stomach pain. Ouch! Wanted very much to go to the toilet. However I didn't want to pack up my stuff (which were already laid all over the study cubicle I'm in). Furthermore, it was really heavy and troublesome. Eventually, I end up having to endure the pain in the cold room. Sigh. It's a worst feeling.. to be bearing with a bowel urge in an air conditioned room.
I didn't know why but surges of nostalgia of Sweet came forth and back at the back of my mind. Unexplainably. It's affecting me...well.. I keep telling myself I have to let go and move on.
Being the 2nd last Econs lecture, it was still as enjoyable as if it was the first. Today we learned more about Money Market: Expansionary and Contractionary Monetary Policies and a refreshing International Trade. This particular topic made me recall what I've studied before during my JC. It's about Adam Smith and David Ricardo and their theories of absolute and comparative advantage respectively.
There was this "terms of trade" which beared more resemblance to what I've studied. It was the only few areas which I only liked about Macroeconomic. Oops.. Still recall I used to hate Macroeconomics because everything was so complicated and confusing. Little did I ever know I'll be doing this again at uni. Nevertheless, it was refreshing. Thankfully, I had an "absolute advantage" compared to my counterparts who didn't take Econs during JC. *blush*
Ok, didn't mean to be boastful.
Today I met Max. In the right time to show him the available courses which he can take since he was considering of furthering his studies in Business Administration. After which he treated me dinner at J8's Swensons. He had Salmon and Mushroom pasta, while I had my all time favourite Fish and Chips.
Having our stomachs filled, we went to see J8. Unsatisfied as I wanted to buy a black LeviS Tee for this coming Friday the 13th. We travelled down to Orchard.
Do you know the underground pass to Wisma Atrium from the MRT is closed? Sigh.. It really shows how long have I last been to Orchard (well.. ever since the breakup.. only went with Mohan and Chin Yu...hmm.. nevermind). In the end, I spent a total of $200+. Let's practise some accounting here..hehe
Income
-
Net Income -
Expenses
EnerVon-C 100 tables $ 30.00
Vidal Sasoon Color Control Conditional $ 9.80
Levi Strass Black T-shirt $ 39.50
Skinxwear Innova x3 $ 32.70
DKYN Red-Delicious Cologne $102.00
Prepayment (EZ link topup) $ 30.00
Bubble Tea $ 2.50
Net Expenses ($ 246.50)
Sigh.. Max was shocked with my expenditure this evening. Sigh. But it felt good to be shopping again. Haven't been doing it because firstly, I had to be sensitive as Sweet didn't have the purchasing power. Secondly, I was often broke since I have been spending alot on us eating out and movies plus buying things for Sweet.
Well.. well.. Today, my friends continued to encourage and console me.. Especially my friend Andrew. I'm really grateful they are here to protect me as I'm rather gullible and simple-minded. Thank you, my friends.
Today was supposedly the last lecture of ECON1016. However the lecturer couldn't complete his teaching of topic: International Trade. Hence, we have an extra lecture on Wednesday next week.
Went to campus early for studying at the library after a light morning jog. Didn't do much. the whole 3 hours I was cramping my head to read up and pick up the relevant crucials in the Accounting chapter 10: Budgets and CVP. Sigh. Halfway through, all thanks to the finishing of MintueMaid Lemonade, I experience sharp stomach pain. Ouch! Wanted very much to go to the toilet. However I didn't want to pack up my stuff (which were already laid all over the study cubicle I'm in). Furthermore, it was really heavy and troublesome. Eventually, I end up having to endure the pain in the cold room. Sigh. It's a worst feeling.. to be bearing with a bowel urge in an air conditioned room.
I didn't know why but surges of nostalgia of Sweet came forth and back at the back of my mind. Unexplainably. It's affecting me...well.. I keep telling myself I have to let go and move on.
Being the 2nd last Econs lecture, it was still as enjoyable as if it was the first. Today we learned more about Money Market: Expansionary and Contractionary Monetary Policies and a refreshing International Trade. This particular topic made me recall what I've studied before during my JC. It's about Adam Smith and David Ricardo and their theories of absolute and comparative advantage respectively.
There was this "terms of trade" which beared more resemblance to what I've studied. It was the only few areas which I only liked about Macroeconomic. Oops.. Still recall I used to hate Macroeconomics because everything was so complicated and confusing. Little did I ever know I'll be doing this again at uni. Nevertheless, it was refreshing. Thankfully, I had an "absolute advantage" compared to my counterparts who didn't take Econs during JC. *blush*
Ok, didn't mean to be boastful.
Today I met Max. In the right time to show him the available courses which he can take since he was considering of furthering his studies in Business Administration. After which he treated me dinner at J8's Swensons. He had Salmon and Mushroom pasta, while I had my all time favourite Fish and Chips.
Having our stomachs filled, we went to see J8. Unsatisfied as I wanted to buy a black LeviS Tee for this coming Friday the 13th. We travelled down to Orchard.
Do you know the underground pass to Wisma Atrium from the MRT is closed? Sigh.. It really shows how long have I last been to Orchard (well.. ever since the breakup.. only went with Mohan and Chin Yu...hmm.. nevermind). In the end, I spent a total of $200+. Let's practise some accounting here..hehe
Income
-
Net Income -
Expenses
EnerVon-C 100 tables $ 30.00
Vidal Sasoon Color Control Conditional $ 9.80
Levi Strass Black T-shirt $ 39.50
Skinxwear Innova x3 $ 32.70
DKYN Red-Delicious Cologne $102.00
Prepayment (EZ link topup) $ 30.00
Bubble Tea $ 2.50
Net Expenses ($ 246.50)
Sigh.. Max was shocked with my expenditure this evening. Sigh. But it felt good to be shopping again. Haven't been doing it because firstly, I had to be sensitive as Sweet didn't have the purchasing power. Secondly, I was often broke since I have been spending alot on us eating out and movies plus buying things for Sweet.
Well.. well.. Today, my friends continued to encourage and console me.. Especially my friend Andrew. I'm really grateful they are here to protect me as I'm rather gullible and simple-minded. Thank you, my friends.
De one with Patience
Mild hazy morning
People kep saying:" You're still young... don't think too/so much. Just wait and the right one will appear or come to you."
Is this really true? How long more must I wait? :'S
People kep saying:" You're still young... don't think too/so much. Just wait and the right one will appear or come to you."
Is this really true? How long more must I wait? :'S
Monday, October 09, 2006
De one with Resilience
Hazy and warm
Don't know why but everytime I blog, I have an urge to start it by counting the number of days since the breakup. Apparantly, thanks to all the concern and encouragement of my existing and new found friends, I managed to supress "J"ason and gained my senses. I don't know..perhaps it's the beginning in another life chapter? Most probably, it is...
I do admit there will be times "J"ason take over the mind. Fabricating and analysing possibilities to achieve the long-forgotten and impossible desires. As much as I want to sip into the unconscious mind again, I pull myself back again and keep persuading myself to be rational, sensible.. and ultimately, to let go...
Met -A- a week after my breakup, we had a heart-to-heart chat after dinner at S-11, AMK central. -A- said I need to control my emotions and advised me (like what everybody has been saying) that you can't put 100% heart and soul into a relationship. That will be total suicide just by jumping into it blindly. It also made me realise things are not as simple and clear as the innocence in me is telling me so. I really hate being so superficial and cautious of people taking advantage of my genuinity and gulliblity.
Furthermore, I also realised, Time really heals some of the wounds and makes me forget about a person I used to love so much, gradually. It's not really about not thinking about my ex but rather, it was the force of letting another person into my life. As I found a new love, it enables me to fill my loneliness and enable me to utilise the passion to this new love.
Today I went jogging in the morning, I realised.. why people cry isn't entirely because the rejected person is at a loss of what to do next. A breakup is heart-breaking because you have not had the chance to recover and retrieve your feelings for a person. Yet you're already "cut off" and forced to be left suspended around the "peak" period when the other party who brought up the break-up have completely finished his/her cycle of loving you.
An example to illustrate this better would be like watching a movie. 3/5 or 3/4 throught the show, the movie got cut off and we're forced to leave.
That's why the feeling of loss comes into the picture because the rejected ones have to recover themselves.. to decrease their feelings (in completion of their cycle of love for that relationship)..alone.
Well.. life still goes on. It's really tough climbing out of the deep cliff I've fallen into. Sometimes I might just slip my grip and fall lower.
I've been studying. Exams are drawing close. Stress is building up resultably. Sigh. Non-excusable however it's really tough, coping with exams preparation and dealing with my unsettled emotion-chaos.
I'm intending to do what I can. Finally embarked on my journey to prepare myself for exams. At AMK library, I managed to finish studying 3 chapters of Accounting: Statement of Cash Flows (which I've started yesterday and the day before), Accounting Equation, Balance Sheet. As planned, I completed marketing Chpt 1 and Macroeconomics: PPC and scarcity, GDP, Unemployment and inflation. Phew...
For a moment, my mind strayed and reminded myself of the person who broke my heart.. Omg..wasted some of my revising time. I sober up and continued studying.
I had Subway takeaway for dinner after meeting Jessamine at J8 to pass her something. I realised I'm influenced by Sweet in alot of ways. Subway became my favourite fast-food restaurant. Grew to love Honey Oat loaf.. and red wine vinegrette.. Sigh.. *sobs*
All in all, it's really hard to forget... but hey, I'm moving on.. Just need more time for resilience
Archa Archa Archa!
Don't know why but everytime I blog, I have an urge to start it by counting the number of days since the breakup. Apparantly, thanks to all the concern and encouragement of my existing and new found friends, I managed to supress "J"ason and gained my senses. I don't know..perhaps it's the beginning in another life chapter? Most probably, it is...
I do admit there will be times "J"ason take over the mind. Fabricating and analysing possibilities to achieve the long-forgotten and impossible desires. As much as I want to sip into the unconscious mind again, I pull myself back again and keep persuading myself to be rational, sensible.. and ultimately, to let go...
Met -A- a week after my breakup, we had a heart-to-heart chat after dinner at S-11, AMK central. -A- said I need to control my emotions and advised me (like what everybody has been saying) that you can't put 100% heart and soul into a relationship. That will be total suicide just by jumping into it blindly. It also made me realise things are not as simple and clear as the innocence in me is telling me so. I really hate being so superficial and cautious of people taking advantage of my genuinity and gulliblity.
Furthermore, I also realised, Time really heals some of the wounds and makes me forget about a person I used to love so much, gradually. It's not really about not thinking about my ex but rather, it was the force of letting another person into my life. As I found a new love, it enables me to fill my loneliness and enable me to utilise the passion to this new love.
Today I went jogging in the morning, I realised.. why people cry isn't entirely because the rejected person is at a loss of what to do next. A breakup is heart-breaking because you have not had the chance to recover and retrieve your feelings for a person. Yet you're already "cut off" and forced to be left suspended around the "peak" period when the other party who brought up the break-up have completely finished his/her cycle of loving you.
An example to illustrate this better would be like watching a movie. 3/5 or 3/4 throught the show, the movie got cut off and we're forced to leave.
That's why the feeling of loss comes into the picture because the rejected ones have to recover themselves.. to decrease their feelings (in completion of their cycle of love for that relationship)..alone.
Well.. life still goes on. It's really tough climbing out of the deep cliff I've fallen into. Sometimes I might just slip my grip and fall lower.
I've been studying. Exams are drawing close. Stress is building up resultably. Sigh. Non-excusable however it's really tough, coping with exams preparation and dealing with my unsettled emotion-chaos.
I'm intending to do what I can. Finally embarked on my journey to prepare myself for exams. At AMK library, I managed to finish studying 3 chapters of Accounting: Statement of Cash Flows (which I've started yesterday and the day before), Accounting Equation, Balance Sheet. As planned, I completed marketing Chpt 1 and Macroeconomics: PPC and scarcity, GDP, Unemployment and inflation. Phew...
For a moment, my mind strayed and reminded myself of the person who broke my heart.. Omg..wasted some of my revising time. I sober up and continued studying.
I had Subway takeaway for dinner after meeting Jessamine at J8 to pass her something. I realised I'm influenced by Sweet in alot of ways. Subway became my favourite fast-food restaurant. Grew to love Honey Oat loaf.. and red wine vinegrette.. Sigh.. *sobs*
All in all, it's really hard to forget... but hey, I'm moving on.. Just need more time for resilience
Archa Archa Archa!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
De one with a Prayer
Night breeze
Shuqing gave me this prayer.. it was this which I felt exonerated and resilient. Furthermore, gratefully thankful to..
Someone and gestures came visit me... alleviating the chaos in my heart, mind and soul. ... filling me with the comfort of making me restore thy peace, as though draining thy ambivalence. Affirmed, I'm enlightened of forgivance.
I've always been a "slower". I suppose it takes Time for me to let go...
"Father, I know I have broken Your laws and my sin has seperated me from You.
Now I want to turn into your past sinful life, towards you.
Please forgive me and please help me aviod sinning again.
I invite Jesus into my heart, to fill me with His love.. to take away the hurts I feel.
Lord, I pray you engulf me with Your love. To show me how love actually feels.
The happiness of love, the sweetness of love and Lord. to show me the meaning of life.
And I pray this all in Jesus' name, Amen"
Now I want to turn into your past sinful life, towards you.
Please forgive me and please help me aviod sinning again.
I invite Jesus into my heart, to fill me with His love.. to take away the hurts I feel.
Lord, I pray you engulf me with Your love. To show me how love actually feels.
The happiness of love, the sweetness of love and Lord. to show me the meaning of life.
And I pray this all in Jesus' name, Amen"
Shuqing gave me this prayer.. it was this which I felt exonerated and resilient. Furthermore, gratefully thankful to..
Someone and gestures came visit me... alleviating the chaos in my heart, mind and soul. ... filling me with the comfort of making me restore thy peace, as though draining thy ambivalence. Affirmed, I'm enlightened of forgivance.
I've always been a "slower". I suppose it takes Time for me to let go...
De one with Love of the Schizophrenia
Unpredictable weather
It's been 15 days since the breakup. It took my alot of courage to blog this entry...
I wouldn't deny that this 15 days have been as disastrous as Hell. It was filled with torture, heartpain, suffering, ultimate misery, loneliness and crying... In the milst of all this intense emotional moment, another side of Jason came to exist. It's schizophrenia. I supposed so.
Like the Phoenix in X-men, I developed another side of me. Someone born of split personality.
Jason was not the sweet, innocent, gullible kind soul..but someone beyond imagined, limitedlessly strong... someone filled with rage, dominance and emotionless.
I, or it's the "J"ason..said and did stupid things which were not supposed to be. He end up causing damage to thyself and people who loved me so much. I want to scream out loud that I was not to be blame. However, it was all in that instance when I lost my senses and rationality, "J"ason took over.
Why!?! Why does it have to be me? I cry every time.. The miserable song keeps playing in my head. That guilt is awfully causing me to be unable to sleep, study and live. I really feel it was the end of the world. Everything I see, hear, smell or touch, I just can't be reminded of the pain inflicted on me by the person whom I thought I could open and share my entire life with.
I was wrong.. dissappointed? angry? cheated? I really don't know what to feel. You know what breaks and crumple a person? It is learning the secrets which the person whom you trusted and cared entirely, more than anyone else in your entire life. The feeling when you see how dark you've been lured into.
As much as "J"ason's actions or my defensive measure are unjustified (after learning the consequences).. I beg not to be condemned or entirely convicted of my wrong doings. I'd always believe in Newton's 3rd Law of Matters : "Every process has an equal and opposite reaction force". Everything occur due to a reason. This was imprinted into my memory by -A-.
I've ever considered and even exacuted ending my life... Yes, alot of people will comment it's really foolish and dumb. However, I'm that innocent. I thought it was the only way to erase my entire life..this life borned wrong in the first place. I really want to start a new life afresh. However, I want to specify, I didn't commit this way to use it as a threat to make the person responsible for this to come back to me.
I've really learnt.. somethings in life ain't meant to be yours, no matter how you try, it will never will itself to you. In being persistent, you may be widening the distance instead of bridging the gap in between.
Then again.. somethings in life which we want to achieve and really give our heart and soul for it, there are still alot..or a bunchful which are just taking adventage of you...
All in all, there were no excuses or invention of "J"ason. The phoenix in me was truly awakened. It's the same person whom everybody has. He's the one who make you feel comforted after your prayer. He's the one who endure you through your challenges. For me...thyself...so frightened and fearful of him.
It's been 15 days since the breakup. It took my alot of courage to blog this entry...
I wouldn't deny that this 15 days have been as disastrous as Hell. It was filled with torture, heartpain, suffering, ultimate misery, loneliness and crying... In the milst of all this intense emotional moment, another side of Jason came to exist. It's schizophrenia. I supposed so.
Like the Phoenix in X-men, I developed another side of me. Someone born of split personality.
Jason was not the sweet, innocent, gullible kind soul..but someone beyond imagined, limitedlessly strong... someone filled with rage, dominance and emotionless.
I, or it's the "J"ason..said and did stupid things which were not supposed to be. He end up causing damage to thyself and people who loved me so much. I want to scream out loud that I was not to be blame. However, it was all in that instance when I lost my senses and rationality, "J"ason took over.
Why!?! Why does it have to be me? I cry every time.. The miserable song keeps playing in my head. That guilt is awfully causing me to be unable to sleep, study and live. I really feel it was the end of the world. Everything I see, hear, smell or touch, I just can't be reminded of the pain inflicted on me by the person whom I thought I could open and share my entire life with.
I was wrong.. dissappointed? angry? cheated? I really don't know what to feel. You know what breaks and crumple a person? It is learning the secrets which the person whom you trusted and cared entirely, more than anyone else in your entire life. The feeling when you see how dark you've been lured into.
As much as "J"ason's actions or my defensive measure are unjustified (after learning the consequences).. I beg not to be condemned or entirely convicted of my wrong doings. I'd always believe in Newton's 3rd Law of Matters : "Every process has an equal and opposite reaction force". Everything occur due to a reason. This was imprinted into my memory by -A-.
I've ever considered and even exacuted ending my life... Yes, alot of people will comment it's really foolish and dumb. However, I'm that innocent. I thought it was the only way to erase my entire life..this life borned wrong in the first place. I really want to start a new life afresh. However, I want to specify, I didn't commit this way to use it as a threat to make the person responsible for this to come back to me.
I've really learnt.. somethings in life ain't meant to be yours, no matter how you try, it will never will itself to you. In being persistent, you may be widening the distance instead of bridging the gap in between.
Then again.. somethings in life which we want to achieve and really give our heart and soul for it, there are still alot..or a bunchful which are just taking adventage of you...
All in all, there were no excuses or invention of "J"ason. The phoenix in me was truly awakened. It's the same person whom everybody has. He's the one who make you feel comforted after your prayer. He's the one who endure you through your challenges. For me...thyself...so frightened and fearful of him.
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