I don't enjoy hurting people. No. Not preaching that I'm an angel. Very sure I'm not. anyway Nobody is except Mother Theresa would qualify that identity. Nonetheless, all my life I've never ever wanna hurt anybody because I know how it feels to be hurt.
Not afraid nor ashamed of my history of being a screwed-up in my relationships and those stupid things I committed as a result of my peculiar perfectionist's possessiveness. That's primarily, due to me having asked and got forgiveness from my three exes.
Karma. Something I believe in. What goes around comes around. I hurt people emotionally and I got punished for that maybe.
Since the departure of Mummy, I begun to realise the importance of friendship. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to express myself back then. Till today, the sad truth remains. I only have friends whom I could related to and trust me when I say my left hand is enough to account for them. The rest are just friendly citizens.
I have never been more disappointed with myself. Or perhaps, disappointed in myself because of someone else. I always thought I have always been a friend who could occupy a significant bit in those I hold close to my heart. Turns out again and again, certain events just prove the reality fallible. The sharp blow from this is fatal like a bullet which spins for the next 3 - 4 days until I put myself together again. This sucks, I accept humbly. However, it wears me out eventually because I am not born super or have regenerative powers.
I thought I was sensitive and someone whom my close friend would feel calm with my presence.. or trust me enough to confide her/himself in me. True is, they don't. And its aggravated tragedy when that someone takes you for a punching bag because she/he was disappointed in another whom she/he thought was her/his true friend.
Live and let live - A philosophy scarred in my brain. Most of the time, I'm just being concerned and simply searching for an answer where the root problem lies. I need to know this so I can make things right. Or work out an alternative. Guess, it's just so difficult when the person you may treasure most, do not trust you at all.
I... don't know what to say.. Could have just sleep over it.. who asked me to care? Did that person ever wanted me to do so initially? It's worthless responsibility.. sincere responsibility. Please, just don't push me off even when you know I am just trying to help.
Not afraid nor ashamed of my history of being a screwed-up in my relationships and those stupid things I committed as a result of my peculiar perfectionist's possessiveness. That's primarily, due to me having asked and got forgiveness from my three exes.
Karma. Something I believe in. What goes around comes around. I hurt people emotionally and I got punished for that maybe.
Since the departure of Mummy, I begun to realise the importance of friendship. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to express myself back then. Till today, the sad truth remains. I only have friends whom I could related to and trust me when I say my left hand is enough to account for them. The rest are just friendly citizens.
I have never been more disappointed with myself. Or perhaps, disappointed in myself because of someone else. I always thought I have always been a friend who could occupy a significant bit in those I hold close to my heart. Turns out again and again, certain events just prove the reality fallible. The sharp blow from this is fatal like a bullet which spins for the next 3 - 4 days until I put myself together again. This sucks, I accept humbly. However, it wears me out eventually because I am not born super or have regenerative powers.
I thought I was sensitive and someone whom my close friend would feel calm with my presence.. or trust me enough to confide her/himself in me. True is, they don't. And its aggravated tragedy when that someone takes you for a punching bag because she/he was disappointed in another whom she/he thought was her/his true friend.
Live and let live - A philosophy scarred in my brain. Most of the time, I'm just being concerned and simply searching for an answer where the root problem lies. I need to know this so I can make things right. Or work out an alternative. Guess, it's just so difficult when the person you may treasure most, do not trust you at all.
I... don't know what to say.. Could have just sleep over it.. who asked me to care? Did that person ever wanted me to do so initially? It's worthless responsibility.. sincere responsibility. Please, just don't push me off even when you know I am just trying to help.
