Same day
Just before I tipped on my Achilles heel, Apollo, Hermes and Aries paid me a dream-visit some nights ago. No words did they utter from their marble lips. Yet alluring smiles across their chiseled faces and firm pats on thy shoulders. As though they knew where my destiny was paved, and towards which I advanced. The lion in me awoke from sleep and fend the bull out of the bears situation.
"Please, frown not my boy", Aslan the lion groaned tenderly. "For the future is long but destined is same. Travel the less trampled roads and gather the fruits along-stray. Fear not, for it is how you stride upon. Not what."
I couldn't help but be amazed what movies can teach us sometimes. A dear one enveloped my downs and sealed it with a kiss. Air flown it to god-knows-where. It was that moment a light-match strike ablaze. To undergo rebirth, the phoenix has to be consumed by its flames (Mayday lyrics, 2007).
This indecisiveness and over-sensitivity have to stop. Stop worry. Rid procrastinating. And be brutally smart about things. Maintaining calm-mindedness is crucial. Don't flop. When things don't work my way, circumvent or pick an alternative without rushing into it. Just employ the same tactic when acquiring things, anything. Hesitate and you lose perseverance.
It becomes clear to what I need to do. Beware, J's bringing back the confidence, determination and onward fascination.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
De one with Resentment (Part 1)
Match lighting
Sit down on your couch, give the television before your eyes a rest and let your relaxing mind have nothing to think of but yourself. This, many might either criticise me for my lack of sanity or sluggerness but... do reconsider this option. Well, I did despite coughing and being slight-sneezy.
Although not extraordinary, it's always good to let your mind have a hibernation hiatus. Taking grace of a windy weekend. No, not asking you to stone. Rather, freed your mind from control, suffocating deadlines and other sorts of problems which cause nothing but premature ageing. Let it decides on what it present and mine, for once told me to evaluate what have I done in recent past few weeks.
JH, H and others who are concerned asked me similar question since the come of May. To be honest, without thinking, I fend them off with a general "I'm busy with work" reply without further justification or detailed complaints as to why. Attempted to face and address it through some heart-to-heart talk with someone else. Unfortunately, it turns out we end up discussing anything but the core issues instead. Lemme kiss and tell. Core issues? To be more specifically: my dilemma, restlessness and resentment.
Arh, "resentment" is the blinking word. Work has been shortlisted as the core ingredient for manifestation of the unpleasantness. Before you cook up all 1001 typical reasons, let me confess my equitable passion for the nature of my job scope. It's a profession and the "classic" feeling it derives, feeding my confidence. Sadly, little did I realise this gradual dissatisfaction lurking as the workload and time grew alongside. Unknowingly, my work productivity and progress into current assignments seemed to have underwent the "bears" period (downward condition in financial market terminology). I used to love sighing and complaining which never cease to help. I'm afraid this time, the grey clouds just wouldn't dissipate.
To let the cat out of the bag, *meow* it seems I'm failing. Oh boy, I am not graduating this semester all because an 8 marks short to passing for AFA. The worst is, I never shed a tear. Maybe split second of disappointment but it didn't wait long before I announced and admitted to all who asked I had not put in the necessary effort. What I didn't tell, it was actually the RT sessions, continuous wave of reports, decision-making sessions, presentation and single-handed audit jobs to up the ante which made it almost impossible to focus or the least apportion my time to committing to this.. unpleasant module which requires tonnes and awful lot of revision and practice. Consolidation, that is it! And I hate it. You see normally, I excel or perform better than expected at things of such, it just didn't come through this time. Personally, it's something which I have to decipher and eloquently familiarise myself with or comprehend, in order to do well or pass.
Beneath that poker-face, M and W commented, I swear to god, I felt like a failure. Having lost control between work and studies and even social life for goodness' sake. Social life. Hah. Alot of times people did asked me out. But I just withdraw or get down with petty illness like running nose, cough. My stubbornness to consult the doctor came at the expense of faster recovery and effective medication.
Jeez... alot of times, there seemed to be no choice to fall back at. Burnt at both ends if you know what I mean. (to be continued)
Sit down on your couch, give the television before your eyes a rest and let your relaxing mind have nothing to think of but yourself. This, many might either criticise me for my lack of sanity or sluggerness but... do reconsider this option. Well, I did despite coughing and being slight-sneezy.
Although not extraordinary, it's always good to let your mind have a hibernation hiatus. Taking grace of a windy weekend. No, not asking you to stone. Rather, freed your mind from control, suffocating deadlines and other sorts of problems which cause nothing but premature ageing. Let it decides on what it present and mine, for once told me to evaluate what have I done in recent past few weeks.
JH, H and others who are concerned asked me similar question since the come of May. To be honest, without thinking, I fend them off with a general "I'm busy with work" reply without further justification or detailed complaints as to why. Attempted to face and address it through some heart-to-heart talk with someone else. Unfortunately, it turns out we end up discussing anything but the core issues instead. Lemme kiss and tell. Core issues? To be more specifically: my dilemma, restlessness and resentment.
Arh, "resentment" is the blinking word. Work has been shortlisted as the core ingredient for manifestation of the unpleasantness. Before you cook up all 1001 typical reasons, let me confess my equitable passion for the nature of my job scope. It's a profession and the "classic" feeling it derives, feeding my confidence. Sadly, little did I realise this gradual dissatisfaction lurking as the workload and time grew alongside. Unknowingly, my work productivity and progress into current assignments seemed to have underwent the "bears" period (downward condition in financial market terminology). I used to love sighing and complaining which never cease to help. I'm afraid this time, the grey clouds just wouldn't dissipate.
To let the cat out of the bag, *meow* it seems I'm failing. Oh boy, I am not graduating this semester all because an 8 marks short to passing for AFA. The worst is, I never shed a tear. Maybe split second of disappointment but it didn't wait long before I announced and admitted to all who asked I had not put in the necessary effort. What I didn't tell, it was actually the RT sessions, continuous wave of reports, decision-making sessions, presentation and single-handed audit jobs to up the ante which made it almost impossible to focus or the least apportion my time to committing to this.. unpleasant module which requires tonnes and awful lot of revision and practice. Consolidation, that is it! And I hate it. You see normally, I excel or perform better than expected at things of such, it just didn't come through this time. Personally, it's something which I have to decipher and eloquently familiarise myself with or comprehend, in order to do well or pass.
Beneath that poker-face, M and W commented, I swear to god, I felt like a failure. Having lost control between work and studies and even social life for goodness' sake. Social life. Hah. Alot of times people did asked me out. But I just withdraw or get down with petty illness like running nose, cough. My stubbornness to consult the doctor came at the expense of faster recovery and effective medication.
Jeez... alot of times, there seemed to be no choice to fall back at. Burnt at both ends if you know what I mean. (to be continued)
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