De one with Depressing day

Chocolate-eating day

Today's really been a sick, tired and depressing day. My sore throat have developed into a distressing dry throat. That kind which comes together with flu. Sigh. Feeling feverish ever since the day before and running nose. Very uncomfortable throughtout.

Early morning already indicated a day to cry about. Sweet and I had a "message war" about how we hold different views on a frill relationship. I really don't know whatever Sweet said, it's as though Sweet doesn't realise my love. It's like Sweet's not willing to commit. To me, I really don't know what's hell wrong with me. Feeling insulted, I stood firm, indirectly forcing Sweet to adopt my way of love-expression as I'm too used to people submitting to me. I regretted how I reacted. And really dejected why I would even think in a way that Sweet's disregarding. I was regretful over certain unreasonable things out of stubborness.

I was late for school this morning since I was overly concerned replying Sweet on sms. On my way in a cab. I was messaging Clara about what happen. Sigh. She provided some console like asking me to give Sweet sometime to be alone. I was feeling blue all the way.

Everything slowed down even more after arriving at campus. It was then I totally calmed down. I messaged Sweet again and explained that all the extreme stuff I've mentioned before, are just figures of speech and metophors. I was really gloomy and distracted in campus the whole day. During lecture, Guan Hui and Zhen Ze attempted to converse to me. I was unresponsive. I gave the excuse that I was sick (which I was lah) but subconsciously, I was waiting for Sweet's reply..an acknowledgement or reconcile.

It didn't take until after lecture ends around 1pm did Sweet call me. I was in the midst of my marketing project discussion. I didn't contribute much today to the SWOT analysis and marketing reviews. My whole body was heating up as though glowing with fire and my head was spinning.

Collected my RMIT Student card today. When Zhen Ze helped acquire if our Uni-student EZ card would be issued. Disappointingly, SIM doesn't provide. Sigh.

Around 2+pm, we wrapped up our discussion. Zhen Ze and Guan Hui pacify me to lunch with them at campus' canteen. Zhen Ze had Western Fish set. Guan Hui (who was on budget) ate cha Siew rice. None of the food appealled to me. Thus, I ate half a red apple and Kiwi. It was pretty expensive. $2+. Sigh. Zhen Ze played his recorded version of Jay Chou's lastest song Qian Li Zhi Wai. It didn't sound nice at all. Sigh. What a disappointment to add on to my glummer.

After that, we went to the Student's lounge since Zhen Ze wanted to look at the book sales advertisements. posted up by students. In view of our coming examinations, we decided that we really needed to refer to our textbooks. Thus, I got really broke after having spent $44 plus on my Marketing Principles text. I'm really broke. Sigh...

I made my way to AMK central to collect my altered ring from Lee Hwa. Exchanged my old antique grey POSB atm card for the lastest blue GO! POSB card. It's kinda cool that it encompasses a Mastercard function. However, disadvantage is that the cardholder is unable to use it for online credit card transactions. Omg. The colour and shortcoming of the card makes me feel blue...

Sweet wasn't responsive. Of course, all the way home, I kept thinking why do I care so much. What's the point of me being so overly-sensitive and self-depressing. My mind really went bonkers, considering whether is it because Sweet is communicating with someone new, thus neglecting me.

*knock head* *slap face*
Omg. What am I thinking!

Anyway, I'm really depress today..when I got home, I sat down to take a breath, pause my life and reflect why am I being like the way I am today..

Perhaps I'm expecting too much. Thereby greater disappointment, greater self-blaming and thus more derived sadness? Perhaps I'm not meant to have a relationship because the problem lies with me. I'll never make a good boyfriend. The fact that I'm unable to make others happy except misery, is so self-demoralising...

For that moment.. nothing. Just pure blank except solitary depression and a pinch of loneliness.
"How then am I able to stop worrying and thinking so much.."

Really felt close to weeping it out.