De one with Unforgettable Certainties

Windy; falling leaves

A very long time ago, I listened to Love stories by 93.3FM. There was a phrase which imprinted deeply in my mind...

" There's no event that's unforgettable...
only unforgettable feelings..."

The night before, I was fretting, struggling with my attempt at a Problem 5.7 of my accounting textbook. I got my first taste of the bitterness of Accountancy when the left side (Assets) and right side (Liabilities + Equity) of my worksheet just couldn't balance. Wasted 4 sheets of fullscape papers.. then I thought how wonderful if my late-mummy was still alive. She would have known how to teach me since she was an accountant. Of course, this selfishness wasn't what matters more... since I knew I'll have my way to get through this.

Rather, my rememberance of her unpressence triggered a stir of intense feeling... a pure yet harsh longing for her to be around.. I miss her.. the bitter unforgettable certainty that she's not longer around. It hurts inside-out. Very brutally heart-shattering. Causes every pores of my skin to become overly freezing with fear. Fear of facing up to the certainty that a loved one is gone forever. Fear of facing up to the fact that these held back tears are gonna fall again...

Yesterday, when I returned back from my outing with fellow specs. Ah-ma told me that she woke up around mid-night last night and recognised the sight of the side-view of a lady with short-curled hair. My beloved late-mummy was sitting in the living room's coffee table, facing the television.

Of course, I was shakened by ah-ma's account. Is it because it was a pity I didn't manage to see wat ah-ma saw? Or because I miss her so dearly? Of course, I didn't cry on the instant. I hardly cry in front of others. However, my heart was flooded with soaring tears.

:: Mummy, I hope you're coping well and peaceful in wherever you are now in your better after-life.

*sobs* =' )