De one with Jason to Jason

Working on a Saturday

It was raining heavily after my quick run at the park around noon. Why noon? Well.. sleepyhead woke up late. I was too lazy to take the cheaper bus-train-bus route to work (I had to clear my consolidation for one particular job which was delayed for quite some time), decided to take the next incorrigible cab-trip.

It was drizzling and passing showers when I texted my "friends" inquiring them on what they'd do when they are unhappy. Well.. I waaaasss unhappy. I read all the replies which suggested the usual consoling things to do. I bet you'd have known it better.

Let's see..remedies for unhappiness: Eat chocolates?

I have been eating the Sins chocolate which Clara got me. It's not helping;

Sleep?

Happy not unhappy, I spend most of my weekends when I'm not busy, sleeping. Coz I haven got much sleep throughout the week all because of the hectic job.

Find friends to go out with?

I did.. and I guess my close friends are starting to get bored going out with me. I'm a considerably boring person. And my schedules clashes with others'.

Doing things I like?

I have been drawing, listening to music, jogging, blogging,.. perhaps it's all that I have which attribute to my resentment for having such a uncontented life.

Have goals in life so as to be focus?

Appears to person I'm sure of what I want because I'm a very picky person. blub.. Actually I'm a pretty confused guy. Blurred-minded and too easy-going I hardly got a defined goal. Perhaps, I detest being over pressured due to my bad habit of being over persistent when I really get interested into something.

I've had it, Jason! It's time to sort YOU out!

What are you really unhappy about?

My appearance?

Dammit. It's not like you're hideous. You were "dispensing your charms" on the sweet girl at NYDC and KFC on Efi's birthday. Mohan tells you were stared at. And please, if you ain't really happy, go gym or eat well and push your limits to become fitter!

I'm not that goodlooking. And no, it's not true, people doesn't look at me. Nobody bother to care or even liked me.

Dude, being goodlooking ain't everything. No offense but you can be good-looking with kindness or possessing good nature. Nobody cares?

Well, friends do. It's just whether you're open minded enough lor. If you rather not believe, there are people whom you can't deny their unbounded love for you... they are your granny and Mummy.. they'll always love you even when they gone. Alright?

I'm not good at being sociable. Perhaps I'm inferior of being alone.

J, you're strong guy remember? From young, you've always been able to cope with any challenges. Just open your heart and keep cool.. in fact I admired you for your courage. You never cry but only when you're alone. You remain resilient through your deepest grieve. I feel what you lack is confidence! Bring that confidence you have in your drawing hands and bring the same magic out to your social skill.

Studies. I failed one module. It's so embarassing. And work?! It's been a year and I'm still struggling. Sometimes I really drop and reconsider in my thoughts whether I'm competent enough for this path I've choosen.

Like Rebecca encouraged you. Don't feel discouraged. Try again. Failure is not the end. The end is when you never learn from your failures. Like it or not, you ought to be determined in whatever you've chosen. Honestly, this is not your style. In this 23 years, despite your wrong choices, you always have a way to make the best out of it. Come on, let's go Jason, come on!

You do love auditing, don't you?

Very much indeed. It's the matter of being imcompetent..

Won't deny you're a rather competitive person..although you always appear as soft-natured. It's a learning life. And it's pragmatically true in whichever industry you get involved in. You've walked a long way. Remember the leaking flower pot story? The leaking pot only got to realise its short-coming turned out to be a blissing which it never realised. Learning maybe tough. However, keep trying. Like the way you gained knowledge on how to play the snare drum and march during your secondary school military band days. How you learnt the drumset when you were in JC. And the keyboard because of the person you went head over heels.
You've a weapon, which is persistence/determination. Read more, ask and learn more, gunndoo..!

Life's just a piece of blank paper

In fact, you're just shutting yourself lately. And you resent going for courses. Chin Yu always reminded you of driving. You've cleared and wasted your advance theory. There's so much activities which you could have done alone.

Nobody truly understands me

That's because you're often negative. You have been doing and thinking defiantly. Seriously you just crave for attention. Yet you only want attention from people you like and as a result, fail to see those who care for you. Be yourself, J. "Do things within your means."

You know, sometimes I just feel so alone. Feel nothing's going right.

Some things are just out of our control. But what's comforting is we have a way to deal with it through our perspective. Don't worry, boy.. I'll be here for you always.

You sure?

I'm sure. You are the Heart. I'm the Mind. Always here until your perfect someone arrives.