De one with Visitation

Serving the purpose of my name: Jason

It feels weird to be reading Mitch Albom's latest book about a Rabbit dying of cancer and the fact that I'm on my way to hospice to pay a visit to Ivan's grandpa.

I thought my close friend who'd be going together coz I'm not really close to Ivan. But i didn't know why something in me told me I'd have to go alone (perhaps I had had a gut feeling Clara wouldn't be turning up). So here I am, carrying a flower basket with fruits and stayed for a 30 - 45 minutes talk with Ivan.

The old patient was sleeping like a baby. On certain occasions he would turn here and there in bed, kicking off the blanket to reveal his feet and reaching for covers over his shoulders to keep warm. He looked small, somewhat reminding me of my paternal aunt whom I visited late at night after an unusual call from my uncle after supper with my colleagues at Chinatown. Perhaps the old shrink in size when the end is near. It's heartbreaking.

Ivan tells how his grandpa had contracted lungs and brain cancer due to decades of smoking. Well, it's inevitable but what to do, the damage is irreversible and "enemy" was in its terminal stage.

In fact, I didn't know clearly what to expect from the visitation. I asked how is he.. He seems and replied to be coping well. Likewise for his family. Everyone knows except the patient himself as they didn't want to devastate the old man nor his deteriorating health. I was pretty much concerned with the soulmate, Ivan's grandma, who's living along and refuses to move in with any of her children.

Perhaps I am sensitive, I find myself relating to these feelings coz I've been through these. Just that my friend had it fortunate to have the time to prepare themselves. My experiences occurred out of the sudden and everything had to be arranged in short notices before you had time to react to shock and grief.

Well, life, ageing, sickness and death are cycles in life. There is nothing much about how to deal with the prior end coz natural reaction and acceptance would take care of that. It's most important how families cope with the aftermath which is unpredictable and scary. Especially when one holds the grief till the very end. I'm really glad my friend's doing well. I really am. Just wish the pain wouldn't lurk too long and deep. It'd be unforgivingly tormenting.