De one with "I still miss you"

3/4 of rain, 1/4 of me

Today's just another day for me. Waking up in the morning, giving some thoughts to that special someone i've been missing. Despite it's already been 2 mths plus since our final parting.

The morning wet weather was a spolit to my initial plan of going for jog and hopeful, leisure swim and suntanning. Instead, i stayed indoors. Having my hair dyed DIY. End product? looks oki. Stunning red hair! Kinda pleased by it. Disappointingl, i was thinking that maybe it'd been better if i had more sun-kissed skin tone to match my reddish hair. Well, make do with it lor.

Afternoon went how to tidy up my house with mama (my aunt). There were so much to clear. In the milst, i came across this photo of my late-mum, in her early 20s. She look kinda pretty. Well, that's not the part about it. More significantly, it's bringing tears and memories of her gone.

Oki.. (phew..)
Came back to granny's house around 3pm. Went jogging straight away (getting fat liao). After that rushed down Plaza Singapura to meet my super-good-friend, Edwin. I was super late. Omg. Oops. Sorry.

We dined at the Glass House since poor Edwin has never been to Fish n Co before. Under the recommendation from his friend, he ordered the Swordfish with rice. I had my favourite Fish n Chips. Hmm...he couldn't finish the large serving (2 enormous slice of swordfish!), to be dripped into a sauce which i thought tasted like Thai Chili Oil. But Edwin said there's mango sauce in it.
The swordfish tasted like those fried flat-fish my granny used to cook... salty and fishy. Hehe.
Of course! No match for my Fish n Chips!

Omg. It was damn filling. Sigh.. there goes all my jogging effort in the evening. :'(

After that, we went to watch the 93.3FM 6th Gold Music Awards mini-billboard performance. It stages a segment of all the final 6 terms from Superband (nothing much) and 8 singers, comprising of local singers like Tsui Chun Jia, Kelly Poon, Hong Jun Yang and overseas artistes like Fan, He Yao Sun, Guang Liang, Tank... Ok la.. but unfortunately, it's damn cramped, thereby causing everybody to perspire like crazy. Didn't really concentrate none was I "enthu" over this event. Was just being a super good friend, accoying Edwin since he wanted to watch his favourite Superband live.

Was on my way home when the heart ache releapsed again. Have you ever felt so hurt that your heart feels as if it's bleeding? or it feels as if your whole heart is drenched with tears which just can't flow down ur cheeks? It hurts so much that you wish you're better off dead. It hurts so much you feel so empty in your heart.

Only the sole misery... Desperate desire... Ultimate screaming loneliness... Unexplainable quiet frustration... Frail hope...

Sometimes memories will rush in... triggered by what you saw, listened, smelled, touched..
Sweet memories which will make you feel nostalgic about...
Regretful memories which will burns your cheeks...
Sad memories which will cause you to weep...

I also thought... i'm freaked out.. that i'm aging. I really don't want to be older and realised i don't have someone who loves and be loved by me.

Unknowingly, the feeling of loss sips into the mind. Intrigating a undeniable confused state of mind... a question that's beyond any possible solution. I hate this. I really do.