De one with Ethical Presentation

Done and get over it

Like fluids along the riverbank, it approaches a coarse path and gets cloaked. The same for the blood in my brain, perhaps the flawed workings of anatomy. The spirit is rushing in reaction to my life's schedule. I attempted and failed my IPPT (Individual Physical Proficiency Test). Alright, do admit I hadn't been training. I mean I got this shoulders aching since my injury. Plus, I was sick all the way three days until test date. To make things worst, work and project pressures tagged along. The problem-cluster.

What can I do? Pray for a miracle. Yet I wonder, could it be someone's cursing or doing voodoo on me. Aww.. I truly DON'T WANT remedial training.

Nevermind about today. I recalled on National Day, we were preparing for this ethics presentation on a prescribed case study. Was high on drugs for my influenza. Remember clearly my entire body was heated up. Well, commitment over social-responsibility, I just had to be there. Else, we wouldn't be as prepared today.

Was supposed to have meeting for rehearsal. End up certain agenda called for my necessary absence. Turn up I was late today because I needed to get something for my client (since I'll be returning and expecting my last day there). Reason for the gift? It's because they have been so hospitable and nice to me. Old lady making milo and asking me to drink plenty of water and.. I stayed late yesterday, she had to stay (later than usual) because I was pushing for my audit. Then she brought me a packet of cheese biscuits and hot water because the office was pretty cold (centralised airconditioning.. you know how bad it was).

Despite rushing in a cab, i was 15 minutes late. Felt guilty. During break time, my team rehearsed to let me have a feel of how the flow's gonna be like. When the turn came, all of us were nervous. Or at least I was. Stage fright was something that could only be controlled if I've been repeatedly doing this for a few times. When y turn came, I knew I had to use the mic. To play it safe. The previous two speakers didn't use any mic. I knew roughly what I needed to say but you know.. during the actual, we kinda didn't perform as well as we expected.

The paper (my script) was trembling in my hands. To conceal my flaws, decided it's best to have it placed on the table and spoke on improvision. Never liked eye contact but I tried my best to overcome, looking in the direction of the audience yet not concentrating on any of their faces. At times, maintained eye contact with the lecturer (to get through what I'm trying to explain). So ya.. there was a handful of concurrent actions. Was controlling my speech, sometimes my hand-gestures tend to bring the mic away and I have to bring it back near my lips to be heard. Thank goodness. At the end of the day, we got 7 out of 10. Fair enough for me. But my teammate was pretty disappointed from his despaired expression.

We received feedbacks from our classmates after that. They said I was the wisest. Thanks to the mic. One asked why our words were pink (actually it was red on the laptop screen) when the entire team consist guys. To make things worse, two of us wore T-shirt which read "Brokeback mountain". Hilarious.

Oh well.. what's done is done. There is still a loadful of projects to come and cared for.

So much for striving for a frugal lifestyle, I cabbed home again.. did some weights lifting. Dumbbells actually. Hopefully.. for all the luck in the world, look forward to having a pass by next tues. Else, my worst nightmare will come.

De one with Last Week

Recovery

Received a message from Clara this morning announcing the demise of Loo on his flight to some place 6 hours apart. Despite being dizzy-headed (most probably last night's flu-medicine and the paracetamol to blame), I couldn't help but be amused by the contents. I replied, the way she put it was as though Loo was Kenny died in SouthPark(though I have never watched any episode) and you know, his friends said "there goes Kenny" without any facial expression... like those cartoon characters saying calmly that their friend got blowned away, so random that you couldn't help but sense the inferred joke.

It seemed like only yesterday I was out with this buddy. Last Saturday to be exact. My good friend Loo Wan needed to do some last minute shopping - things on this "peace or hell" list which was crucial to the outcome of his overseas attachment cum vacation at Holland. Still lost? Don't be. He was caught in a dilemma of getting a new camera or just an additional battery for his existing one. Holiday at Europe, taking pictures are too good to be miss, don't you agree?

So we met with my neck still intact..thankfully it wasn't aching so much, just that I couldn't turn as I wished. Sidetrack abit.. ya.. it's been what? 4 days and it ain't healing back then. Went to chinese physician, he said it would take 3 days to recover. My family GP said it will take a week. Today, res ipsa loquitur, it's taking more than 2 weeks. Still aching randomly.

Back to Saturday, we had a sumptuous lunch at Sakae sushi. I mean literally. Two of us tabbed the bill at $90 ought. We tried a couple of new stuff.. like hotplate Unagi (Loo kept telling me it was nice), softshell crab (this being my firsttimer experience), cold salmon dish. There were the usual.. cheese tori, chawamushi, miso soup, 9 plates of gunkan shushi, tuna-shashimi salad (Clara wasn't here, so we did away with her all-time favourite sakea salad..eeewkk.. the jellyfish makes me legs go weak, lol). It was so much the table wasn't enough to fill. So we had to do alot of first-in-first-out eating strategy. Damn rush. By the end of it, Loo didn't want to leave. We came to conclusion it was Clara's fault for not turning up, else we'd be so full. Haha. Anyway, we reminded ourselves of the agenda for today. Only did I pay at the cashier did I realise my card expired. So did my birthday voucher attached with the ex-card. No choice, reapply again. Anymore drama? Loo and I "waged war" on who's going to pay. Haha.. obviously I won. Reason? We both had OCBC card, my membership claimed victory.

It took us a few minutes to plan our route. So we headed to Marina cause he was looking for a Sony shop. Only when we arrived there did we figured my mistake. The "sony" store turned out to be "Creative". Haha. Fortunately, he managed to get his disposable underwear and waistpouch at Traveller's. Pretty ex though. But the undies were selling 20 cents per piece. Provided it last for two days.

We made our way back to Raffles where Loo wanted to browse at G2000. Apparently there was a sale. But no luck. So we headed down to Sim Lim. I tell you, it's amazing.. you could learn so much there. We went to two stores and they taught us what's the pros and cons of a "genuine" Sony battery and a "compatible". You see, the "genuine" Sony battery cost around $54-58 but last shorter than its counterpart. Might be due to certain production cost budget or ISO standards (they wouldn't want the battery to go bursting the cameras). Compatible provides more power at around 40% price cheaper but risk leakage problem which ends up spoiling the camera too.

Besides this, Loo needed a SD-card reader which he managed to get. The former purchase was conclude-less as his brother could get a new battery for less than $20.

I bought a book - "Millionnaire next door" as recommended by Chin Yu. As much as I am enthusiastic in reading it, current life schedule and health doesn't seemed to permit me to. Sigh.

Completing our purchase for the day, we dropped by TCC at Bugis. There was a pretty few "NEW" stuff in their menu. Since our stomachs were still filled from lunch, we had drinks and some light-snacks (ie Vege-quinche and nachos). Ok, so much for light snacks. We had an hour plus chat.. concerning our future, girls and me adopting his children, current friends issue and.. most importantly, I confided all my problems with him. I was expecting otherwise. Or I wasn't pretty sure of the reaction Loo might have to the things I was confiding it. Turns out he was ok with it and even consoled me. Which was unexpectedly good.

It was a Saturday well spent. Friend. Lunch. Shopping. And chat over coffee. Life couldn't get better. And I shall dedicate this blog to my good friend Loo, whom I shall not see the next 5 months, likewise as I've texted.. take care and remember to email us. Have fun and do come back in fit-piece. ;)

De one with Gamble

Risk-taking day

Never knew what it means by "waking up on the wrong side of the bed" until this morning. Yes, bad things happened again. *Lifts both palms up, in a surrender manner*. Not being pessimistic but it's true.

First things first, my aching neck and shoulders resumed its bad condition - Merciless sharp pain. Ouch! No signs of improvement. Seems as though the previous agonies were tolerated for nothing. Which also leads to serious doubts over the medication I'm feeding myself past two days. As much as I feel annoyed with my unfavourable health condition, there's nothing I could do to make life easier.

I couldn't but feel overwhelmed with guilt for not turning up at work during this crucial time when my jobs are due for clients' submission. Called back office, had a chat with my manager and understand that my existing jobs were, to my discontent, showing a fair bit of problems. Most of these post-review points requires couple of amendments. This was disappointing but not the least. The "worst part" was feeling awfully-terrible having learnt that my colleagues in office are slogging to clear my mess. I was disgusted with myself coz I've always strongly believed it's alright to help others but never have others bear the responsibility, on my behalf, over something caused by my fault or folly. You see, self-responsibility means a great deal! Personally!

As much as I wanted to head back to office, there was nothing I could do. Rebec advised me to pray to God. I said my faith wasn't that strong. He wouldn't help me for sure. So.. Jasons decided for me to sleep over it.

Came afternoon, a dispirited self wanted to call off the appointment arranged with Chin Yu a week ago. However conscience caught up with me, cause me to feel kinda bad should I back-paddle now. Thus, decided to clenched my teeth, bear the ache and head to Ion as planned. As much as I needed to get out to have some fresh air, I was kinda worried about two things. Firstly, whether my back condition might be aggravated. Secondly, what if my colleagues spot me outside when I'm supposed to be resting at home. Wuaoo.. I felt so small and strange being at Orchard mrt which obviously transformed so much (mainly because I had been traveling to work cabbing). It took me 3 minutes to figure out the path to Ion entrance and see my good friend (who's here on his 4th trip). Man.. I feel so uninformed and.. small because this new shopping mall is complicated and huge.

Chin Yu wanted to try this chinese restaurant.. but the food wasn't to my liking. So we travel some 200 metres and located this Japanese DIY teppanyaki, SHO-Teppan. The food concept is obvious - hot plate. Something like Pepper lunch, except it's one step before the practice at Pepper lunch where the food was sizzling by the time it was served. At SHO-Teppan, ingredients like the meat, eggs are served raw. You place it on this thermal glass (expensive capital assets) and wait for the cooking to begin (that accounts for the "DIY" print on their promotional menu).

Prices hovers around $9.90 to $14 bucks(?).. meals comes in teppanyaki or soup-based choices..accompanied by a miso soup and salad. Drinks sold separately. Worth the price. But well..it's something that will most likely bored your tastebud if you been there like twice. For someone who loves hot-plate.

Chin Yu introduced the 1-2nd floors are for (price) middle-range products. The top floors are for high-range. It's true. Harry Winston, International Watches moved in. LV, Bally, Prada? well..the standards.

I bought two pairs of Havaianas. Bearly did I know though the brand is common, this store, Havaianas and NUM are in fact competitors. How do I know? We were patronising the loggerhead-store at Heeren and the store assistant asked permission to see what their counterparts are selling. Sigh.

There wasn't much to shop for. Perhaps because we had what we wanted for the day. I remembered walking around with my arm pressing my shoulders to massage in desperate hopes to ease the ache. The important thing I've learnt is.. Chin Yu told me of this book, Millionaire Next Door. For those who didn't know, it's a best-seller some years ago, written by a researcher Thomas J Stanley, on the rules and secrets of the elites or wealthy people in US. I do agree to what Chin Yu briefed about the contents of the book. It made me reconsider about my lifestyle. Not being rich. Just what's going on with my satisfied yet uncontented lifestyle. Hmm.. I do admit it is wrong. He mentioned "frugal" (means "fiscal self-restrain"), caught my attention like a nail in the head. Hmm.. this is an interesting book which I ought to have my hands on.

Finally, apart from my friends, something for me to indulge myself in!

De one with Recent

Pain in the neck

Honestly, I have no idea how one could sprain their necks. Ridiculous as it sounds but it really does happen... on me. My colleagues and friends asked in concerned about the cause. Could barely figure out the reason myself. Had dinner with Max on Monday. Didn't buy anything. Next morning I woke up, showered and my left shoulder-blade felt a sharp pain. Since then, the agony begun and waged on till this very day.

Agony brought drama. As it was too excruciating to move my neck around literally, I had to take medical leave. Got Mama to fetch me to this Chinese physician at Ang Mo Kio Ave 4. There, we learn I had inflammation - the bottom of my neck was red and swollen all the way till my shoulders. Sounds bad. He rubbed some medication before sticking this medicated pad of chinese herbs on my back, scrotch-typed. It's ugly but I couldn't care less.. I'd wear anything just as long as I get healed.

Everybody told me I needed rest. Yes. But the traumatising experience is having to feel the sharp pain everytime I get up. Sigh. I texted Efi saying I feel like ripping my head off my body. Sleeping at night was troublesome too. Every movement concerning the turn of my body, neck, arms, sneezes and yawning would trigger the "sting" on my back. It disturbed my sleep, waking me up 2-3am.

Yesterday night, I figured if I sleep face-down, it helped reduced the impact of the pain. So all I did was to lay face-down before I retard my turn to lie on my back. Just had to do the reverse to get up. Torturous.

Went back to the chinese physician in hopes of getting further treatment. End up in vain. He was right la.. massaging or "tui na" would only worsen the swelling. Hence, left with no choice, we headed back to Western medical aid which was why I found myself waiting in the queue to see my family general physician some 10 minutes later.

She gave me a jab. On my bottom. It's abit embarrassing. What else could be done if the boy wants rapid parting with his sour-ache nightmare?! The painkiller jab didn't take effect until late afternoon. Prior this, I was back at home, like a helpless paralysed "vegetable".. inconvenient at making much movements. The best thing to do was to nap. Like H advised, the best is to take advantage of this time to rest and only by doing so will my health get restored so I could get back to work.

Speaking of work, all my jobs are pressing for my attention. All at its final laps - the review and final clearing of points. Deadlines are tomorrow and hell..there's only so much we or I could do, given my unplanned-for health situation, it appears nothing allows for any damage-control. Nor possible.

I told Clara, this frustrating drama might most likely seeded from bad karma. All my goodest friend promoted was her "brillant" old wives' tale of BBQ-ing my pillows under the scorning sun. Oh boy, her promotion period lasted damn long lor...

Back again on the karma, am i thinking too much? Don't wish to. My neck doesn't permit me anyway.

De one with Hiatus

Glad to be back

The month of June wasn't a good one for me, given what happened. Don't worry, I'll shall be blogging about it in blogs to come. And.. well, you shall get a re-enread of these past few weeks.

Right now, it seems my hands are full, juggling components of life: Deadlines from work, friends' accompany, sorting my chaotic feelings. It's sick. Like D said, that's life and we gotta keep moving, even when it means dragging ourselves from standstill.

I've always known possessing the traits of an introvert is my curse. It's something I've been trying to deal with. Trust me, it's a tough fight. It's true the saying goes "a leopard would never change its spots". Suppose that couldn't be more appropriate here.. no matter how much concealers or makeup would even help my innate flaws.

Oh well.. My epic idol once commented "I'm not God, it's impossible for me to please everyone". That's true. Take it or leave it. And no looking back.

The glitter never sparkles every minute. It needs alittle polishing to revive the glamor.

De one with Westepedition

Exploring Singapore

Clara suggested I should very well name this blog "Journey to the West". Firstly, I was afraid China media or some writers might press charges against me. Hah! Secondly, it's a little corny don't you think? Ok la.. shall be mercy on the a Saturday morning.. not good coz my stomach's feeling weird. Wanna k-po about the reason? Stay tune for next blog. Haha.Let's not divert shall we.. The time was 6:40.. still no sign of my friend who texted me earlier that she's gonna try to be here (Boon Lay) by 6:30. Ended up she conceived a plan to take a ridiculously-long trip onboard bus 166 to fetch her from AMK to Clementi mrt. Thereafter, mrting down to Boonlay. Sigh. I was like a living eye-candy from middle-Singapore, stationing at the entrance of the newly extended Jurong Point while the "Western dwellers" feast their eyes. Ok kidding. Well, I had good view to make me forget about the boredom from waiting. Was eyeing on the condo which is still under construction I believe, but still visible. And I thought it's nice isn't it? To own a condo located just above a shopping mall. Notwithstanding the noise pollution in the presence of the MRT line located too close the building.

The late-princess finally turned up, warning me of my "pissed" look as she approached me. Like two crazy kids (threatening to struggle each other's neck), we begun our expedition. Wuao.. JP's changed alot. Still as crowded but it's goodbye to the miserable shopping mall. It didn't take very long before we landed ourselves at Billy Bombers (well.. lady's choice). I'm impressed what hunger can work its magic on human. Here in front of me sat a lady who's never mindful of the food she eat - Baked salmon with cheese-included-mashpotatoes, accompanied with thick and creamy chocolate-milkshake! Ok la.. everything at BB's all carbo-packed. My dory fish and chip was sinful enough. Side dish was the same as slim Clara's, completed with a kiwi and peach soda (erm, bad choice). Dinner was contentful nonetheless except my drink :: disappointing.. taste pretty much like perrier water and a pinch of sugar.

Leaving out the entertainment over dinner was a No-no. Like always, I commented on Clara's milkshake, uninvited. She kept emphasizing the taste resembles the good-old milkshake from MacDonalds. I kept explaining the milkshake contains so much milk, chocolate powder and every other things disgustingly-fattening. The outcome, she drank every single drop of the drink of sins. Faint.

If you don't mind the agony of traveling distance and street brands, I'm sure you'd love JP, gals. For guys, quite a nice place to bring your gfs to and watch them splurge your wallets empty. Nothing much for guys there. I didn't get to buy anything except this Kawagana store. Now this store sells all kinds of tidbits. Most are old school stuff. Like those soft candies (the most famous flavor was grapes), candies in a can with a basket of fruits printed on it, waffle biscuits, cereals, maggie mee. There are rare stuff such as Kiwi flavored Pokki. Be ready to be spoiled for choices (especially for first-timers *wink*). Perhaps the indecisiveness can be managed when you sight the price tags. From those I've saw, prices on range from $4.50 to $45 (tin of Hello Kitty butter cookies). I contributed over 50 bucks to their annual revenue hor! Ok, enough of that, they don't pay me advertising fee. Please don't view me as their ambassador too.

I didn't want this JP checking-out trip to be about me buying things. It was for my friend - something decided right from the beginning. Indeed, she spent on clothing. I spent on the tidbits which were too irresistible. So proud of myself la.. not having bought my usual stuff.

What's more about the extended JP? Spare the usual suspects like Zinc store, street-brand stores, Old Chang Kee, Adidas and the heartland jewelery shops, there was a POSB atm which allows you to make withdrawals of $200 at minimum (something new or am I just ignorant of this in city?), there's a link which delivers a few metres of Japan scene. Here you are able to spot a few japanese restaurant. There was a store which sells all those unique stuff. Take for example, a big wheeling/rotary-rack for footwears. It has 12 slots, sounds like an ideal house for my collections of slippers and shoes right? Not so pricey at $100+. It's worth it when you see it yourself! However, it's quite space consuming coz it's requires a space where you put those cupboard-shoerack. Ya.. so I reconsidered announcing my purchase and conjuring my wallet.

My feet was on the brim of exhaustion (coz I feel it aching..dude, my feets are showing symptoms of ageing). After Clara's final stop at Levi Signature, we hopped into the cab. The night was still young but all the shops were closed. BUT! That was not the end. The night continued while we were on the cab. I noticed the cabbie behaved weirdly. He seemed unresponsive towards our questions. I insisted on sending Clara home first. She suggested otherwise. Only did we reach Adam's road to make me realise Miss Scatterbrain was right - It's better to drop me off first. When we communicated our change of course, the cabbie didn't acknowledge. Seemed like a communication blackhole or something going on.

Then came the money-struggle part. Funny. She knew I hate taking money out of my wallet and having it rejected. She still like this. Same old same old. Well, so much for the live cab-drama to conclude our expedition at JP.

That's west down for now. Left with the East to conquer. Woohoo!

De one with Awakening

Saw some light

How's Sunday? Account for it before I share mine, which you can read more here. Woke up around 11 am. Man.. it just getting late and later with each weekend. Probably a little exhausted from yesterday evening's outing.

Yesterday evening had dinner with my close and good friends. I was late - the usual. Being a latecomer, I had to decide and what the heck, we landed ourselves to Fish N Co. @ Suntec. 5 minutes after settled down, my Jude went dishing off the table, landing some 20 metres away after we placed our orders. I didn't stand up nor did I grasp in horror. Just waited glamorously for the waitress to pick up my cellphone and accept it with a "5 carat" smile in appreciation.

I revealed the cause of this dinner - to celebrate the goodest of best news aka. " I cleared all the papers from last semester!" Which means I'm on track to graduation.

Loo had the Swordfish with rice (which makes him the "Hill Red (bukit merah) boy" coz that dude battled hard with swordfish over the 1 hour dinner!). Paste with prawns for Clara. All-time New York Fish n Chips for myself. We had a slight competition with the couple sitting on our right (Loo's left). Despite us outnumbering them by 1 person, they seemed to finish their calamari alot faster than us! I was surprise my gestures were fine all day. I wanted to tell Loo (who sat opposite me) without letting our competitors heard/see me talking about them, I had the sovereign covering my right as I mouthed and use my eye as directors. Lol.

If that's not bitchy enough, here's more - we kinda bit** about everyone. Including the guy sitting next to Loo, whom Clara couldn't help getting irritatingly-distracted by his shaking-foot. Yup.. perfect bit**ing dinner we had.

Oh.. Loo shared his talent on earning himself the prospect of "face-geometry". Taught us of the beauty of having our plates finished clean and warned about the consequences of landing up with a future spouse with face full of blemishes/acne according to the leftovers on our plates. Sounds familiar? Clara and I were "tingling" with our decipher of housewives tales.

We laughed alot, being lame and bit**ing.. witnessing Loo's half-successful battle with his meal. That dude kept wasting a heck lot of effort with his meal just because he mixed up his utensils. Like using the fork to scrap the flesh of the fried fish and holding it in place with the sppon which otherwise had been efficient using the other way round. I couldn't take anymore and borrowed the un-used cutter from Clara, the spoon for calamari and giving buddy a hand. Trust me guys, next time, never ever have your dates eating this dish coz it wears you out just to have the swordfish eaten-clean. *Menace grin*

We wanted to proceed with the "Ben's and Jerry's" expedition (proposed from our previous dinner). Turns out we foregone it because all the shops were closed by half-past nine. Well, what's good was Loo decided on buying a bike. Which was literally cheap. Prices were slashed from hundred bucks to below hundred and as low as a cent off 60.

Left with no alternatives, the trio parked ourselves at Starbucks for chill-out. It's funny..really, more throat-slashing talks, discussions and laughs over people at work, our talked-about-but-never-fulfilled overseas trip this August, inconsiderate people stealing our sofa-seats. God-forgive-me, I commented the girl who swooped over to the sofa seats - our long awaited target right from the first minute we stepped into the cafe. Just don't understand, she isn't pretty, still wear a thigh-revealing jeanie-shorts. I said out aloud, she must have had a 28.5 waistline. Oops. Anyway, she and her boyfriend, two person occupying a four-seater sofa seat. (pretty inconsiderate dotcha think?). And worst, they kept taking photos with flashes. Goodness, the cafe was brightly lit.

Poor Clara had work early tomorrow. To make her life even more miserable, she had eye-infection. She even mentioned about her plans for lasik coz the cause of her infection was due to the contacts she worn. Well.. Loo and I considering Botox for ourselves. Bet Clara rolled her eyes like 1080 degress. Metaphorically of course. Lol. Hence, we never stayed long. By 11pm, we were out and waving goodbyes to Loo at the MRT. The remaining took a cab.

After sending Clara, the cabby was abit funny when he started conversation with me. Topic was about life being hard and not having earned enough money. Alot of things went through my mind. Perhaps "he's implying for me to give him more tips".. or "he's just complaining or whinning".. I seriously don't have an answer to that. I was accomodating him, finding it tough to use the appropriate mandarin words to communicate effectively with him. He has four children. Life must be hard for him.

Back to Sunday. Today. I continued where I last left my midnight-oil work. Realised I was kinda stuck and gave myself a break with Lipstick jungle. It was then I realised I have to blog about this.

I believe things or events occur in our lives for a reason (regardless for now or later). For me, perhaps the conversation with the cabby was to make me aware there are worst-off people. Two ways to perspect this. One: to treasure what I already have. Two: to stop being miserable about myself because I ought to realise how fortunate I am compared to others.

Honestly, the person I let down most is myself. Always undermining my potential. Feeling sorry for myself because of little setbacks which are incomparable to those magnified problems of others. Like Mohan said, I yearn too much for things which are not there and neglecting those which I already have.

Thus, I need to restructure myself, priorities, life. I'm a person who do as I deem fit.. with emotions. It's time to sprinkle some rationality in to govern my thoughts. Item one, I have announced my plan for Hume's Avenue. Perhaps a plot of land would be better. Alright, maybe this is not a good example.

How about improving my grades? Hmm.. learn my ropes at work. I am sick of scrapping too. It's not enough building glass laddles. It's safer to strengthen my foundations in my knowledge. Gonna reinforce my laddle with concrete or steel.

I'm losing my touch on stamina. Yup, that's something I gotta work on. What else.. hmm..saving fund? It's feasible. Right? Wait.. changed Jason's covering my mouth.. talking too much is useless. Revealing too much either. Time to conceive plans in silence.

De one with Finally Saturday

Relaxed

All the late sleeping to be blamed, I woke up only around 10+ when the handphone buzzed and lighted with text messages. One asking whether I'd like to go suntanning, the other asking if I was awake. Another asking if I was going out today. All got me smiling - a good sign to start a brand new day. After a week of hectic work.

Nothing to eat. So I did my daily ritual of brushing teeth and face-cleansing while I left the water boiling before I proceed to cook maggie mee with sausages and cheese to complete it off. Y'know, adding cheese makes the soup more nutritieous. hehe.

To make my Saturday morning even fabulous, there's caramel frappacino - left it in the fridge when I bought my dinner last night.

Today's nothing much. Decided to let my mind rest. Log onto MSN, earn some friendly talks, listen to cool songs. Life's like this. Isn't it great?

I searched the internet and landed with this.. pictures of the house of an uprising star on my idol list, Zac Efron. This is the kinda house I want (in courtesy of its owner and google).. need.. must have.. maybe I should consider buying a plot of land at Hume's Avenue instead. Haha.

What do you want in your house? Ask me ask me! Tsk tsk..

I need a living room which opens to the pool. Love white couches. So i could nap on while reading a book. Or watch TV when I'm lonely. Oh yes..carpeting so I could play board games or sit on to do work on a low glass table.

A kitchen. I cook. The best with a central counter top in the middle of a spaceous kitchen. Oven would be necessary, could get Clara to come over to bake me some cookies or cake. Haha. Of course, a hidden fridge large enough to store all the tonnes of groceries which happens everytime I land myself in NTUC.

Bedroom must have space for a Queen size bed (not very greedy for a King size). Must have carpet too coz I love the feeling of setting my feet on the warm cosy carpet whenever I got off the bed. Ok.. I am aware of the chore of regular vaccuming for the carpet. Hehe. Lighting must be good. It creates ambiance.

There must be bathrooms. Two of them as a minimum. Each of different design. One must have a shower. The other equipped with a bathtub.

A MUST HAVE would be wardrobe room! Reason is obvious. I need it to hold my shirts, pants, T-shirts, bermuders, running attires, slippers, shoes, belts, ties, caps, cufflings, colognes, bags... hehehe

A study room cum library. In fact, I have lots of books. Better have some hidden bookshelves would be cool.

Awww. A pool would be cool. So whenever I can go out jogging, I could burn enough fats through swimming in privacy. A suntanning bed. Don't know why.. but i just love suntanning by the pool. Or I could have an indoor suntanning bed? haha.

Car garage? Not so soon.. might consider that..perhaps in years to come ba.. high maintenance eh..

Hmm.. what else I need.. oh well..tt's all. Hehe.

De one with Full of Ironies

Fighting dilemma

If you have too much money, you might realise there are things you can't buy or having bought things you wouldn't derive joy in.

It's even funnier when you finally have that something which you have wished throughout a lifetime, and all you find yourself doing is something stupid, like pushing it away with all the excuses or sensitive thoughts and doubts on whether all that's happening is too good to be true.

Only when things are coming to an end does the heart fond for delay.. particularly when things are over do we treasure it further. Abit too late huh..

Faintz.. man and their lives full of ironies.

De one with Better Results

Nearly cried

... when I was onboard 851 en route o Bukit Batok where my client's place will be. Jude in my arm, flashing its blank screen as I waited for the login page to load on my web browser with undoubtly- high anxiety as well as anticipation (measured by the rapid heartbeats).

In last than a minute, the downloaded screen completed to reveal a set of small text. I double tapped to expend the screen to get a visible sight of my results. Tears of joy filled to the brim of my eyes as I witness the set of positive results flashed before me.

I let out a sigh of relief. As though by doing so all the tremenduous pressures weighted on my shoulders would be released. Finally, I passed all my modules. Most unexpected, thank god, was I managed to get a 5 marks passing grade despite my unforgettable mistake in my tax computation (plucked the wrong figure into the beginning).

I closed my browser and proceeded sharing my joy with Rebecca, senior and my closest friends (Mohan, it's expensive to message you when you are still in London). Happy-head over heels was what I described myself when Rebecca texted to ascertain how I must be feeling.

Perhaps it's the Tiffany ring which brought me luck. Perhaps its the miracle of my answered prayers. All in all, something which was lost sometime ago, returned and derived other than Tiffany.

Hipp-hipp-hooray!

De one with Food Exhibition

On sick leave

I think I'm getting worse at this. First thing first I had a headache as I buried my face in my pillow and chipmunks. My granny's voice screaming for me and my cousin to wake up for work - unlikely occurrence on me. That moment I thought, I couldn't turn up at client's place like this so I searched the bed for my Jude (Samsung hp) and have my aunt on the line to plead her to make an medical appointment on her way through the neighborhood market place.

Wasn't really bad. Just couldn't focus on functioning normally. Oh dear.. It's abit agonising. Ate breakfast, didn't bother changing or tidying my hair and proceeded to the clinic. Controls are tight nowadays. Looks like everywhere are taking precautious measures, such as filling up a register of visitors. It's good. Not complaining. Well, the doctor whom I consulted was abit unprofessional. She sticked the thermometer in my mouth and expected me to answer her questions. Sigh.

Couldn't care, i got medication.

Didn't nothing much but get all the rest I could. Watched an epidsode of Lipstick Jungle or two.. Mama (my aunt) wants to go to this food festival held at Expo. Recently I realised I could get ready alot faster than I normally take. Perhaps I cared less abou details.

My expectations never failed me, the undesirable crowd situtation was true. Well, I guess it's unavoidable. Essential too. Else the food exhibition wouldn't be look like one. Moving through, the stalls weren't fantastic. Neither were the assistants or food. Probably because all were local products.

The only thing which marvelled me was the marketing strategies they use. Its the old-school pasar malam tactic - any 3 for $10. Haha.. classic example of selling children's clothes/power ranger berms at our night markets. They make things appear cheaper through bundle selling. I was at this bah kua counter and the aunty next to me was sharing with her friend/relative: "Cannot la.. buy 500gms they don't have anything free to offer. (The free packet of pork floss is available only with the 1kg purchase)". Living example of a prey of successful marketing strategy.

I was trying my best to keep my enthusiastic ( was pretty much looking for something offering international food) as I had to accompany my aunt. I am sure she love to buy alot. Apparently she didn't, doing her decision making.. with me providing her with fast calculations. All we bought was a few packets of popcorn chicken, a container of DoDo products and bah gua.. Haha

Wanted to birdnest from this horse-brand. But Aunt discouraged me, counter-offering with her volunteer to purchase at other places she had in mind. Lol. It's not my fault. I merely voiced what I wanted and other people will provide alternatives and having themselves volunteering. Is that what it meant by "spoiled child"?

On our way back, I insisted taking a cab. Failed on my first attempt at Expo. I obliged to take the MRT pass Tanah Merah. When we board the main East-west line, I came in hard on taking a cab from Bedok. My aunt succumbed but well, she complained a couple of times on me wasting money. My stand was..don't people take cabs for long distance journeys? And why bother squeezing like sardines when I'm having frozen food in my carrier.

Came home, did nothing much. Was on msn, replying emails and thinking what I am missing in life. Right now, I'm gonna invest my time thinking of what I've been missing.. gotta derive happiness-sustainability. Tiffany's one of them. Now I am craving for more (less materialistic things perhaps) *wink*

De one with Cousin's Wedding

Occasion day

I can't help but feel skeptical about today, most likely much influenced by the grudge my Mummy had for her 2nd elder brother plus post-effect of the notably-disrespectful behavior of their second daughter-in-law at my Mummy's wake.

Well, I am not a person who's like rushy or struggle people's neck because of being late. So I made my point about not necessary to worry about being punctual and consider the liberty of arriving half an hour later the numbers printed in gold in the invitation card. Accurate as expected, the dinner started only an hour after the planned time, although we had arrived 30 minutes late, we find ourselves "acting as flower vases" while we waited for the wedding dinner to commence

Wedding dinner. It's something which was not only the food, the prestige of the venue but also the mingling. I could help but find ways to entertain myself (自high). So I text a few friends, including Ms Clara whom I whined to about being bored and...! Something which I never understand, do I look so old? Clara mentioned of the "age" which arouse questions on when I'm gonna get married. No, they implied this with "When's your turn".

Sigh.. I stick stick to my philosophies that I could hardly earn enough to satisfy my expenditure, what entitles to marrying and taking care of her finances? N' nope! Call my a masochistic chauvinist but I won't let her be the breadwinner. I will never live on her/his/whatever.

I can't help but feel succumbed to the pressure of feeling obliged to get married. Is that what it is? An arranged path in life every guy should take? And choosing a different path would inevitably fail the expectations of your folks and what.. proves you're less than normal?

Gimme a break. I was actually quite pissed because we were sitting in a table of 10. 9 were occupied. So happens I sat at the place where it was accessible for the waiter to serve the dishes. I just don't understand this lady (no..not lady, auntie) didn't have the courtesy/common sense to shift herself into the empyty seat which the waitress obviously couldn't access. I was so pissed, after the second dish, I went MIA, texted my new friend, complained aibt and strolled to Northpoint, in hopes of searching for an ATM.

Turns out Northpoint underwent alot of changes in this 3-4 years since I last visited during all those nightsout with my fellow campmates. The entertainment Centre seemed to be renovated and linked to Northpoint via an underpass. Contructions were on the way to provide more links ans stalls. Omg. There's more variety of stores such as in Xin Wang, Thai Express.. man.. Yishun dwellers are in for a feast.

Jasmine sent an emergency sms to "zhao" me back for the soon-occuring photo shoot. I turned up late and the meal continue. Dinner wasn't good. Partlly pissed so I drank 4 glasses of red wine. Think it was Merlot. Hell, not my favourite Shiraz.

Dishes wasn't fantastic. First dish was ok. Cold platter. Second was Sharks fins. The third onwards involved steamed fish, prawns, abalones, mushrooms which I obviously do not fancy. The personally deemed edible was the shark fins, lotus brown rice and hashima.

Apart from those edible food, I enjoyed greeting all the elders. Something we are pretty proud of because we have advantage of recognising the elders by their faces and deliver them our respect through our initiative greeting. Chinese customs. Else, people might think lowly of your up-bringing when you fail to greet them first. Especially the elders. These folks might feel offended and disrespected.

Too bad, certain family members were absent. Else, my part of the family would be complete. Thing might have been different.

I premiered my Tiffany Ring tonight. Perfect as it is but I couldn't help but feel I ought to get another with prominent blings blings!

De one with Rekindled with Joy

Something electric blue and white

Took a breath and smile to paced through the welcoming doors.. 4 minutes for love at first sight.. another 11 minutes-filled with decision-making before I finally own a little gift to perk my mood up during this uninteresting life.

The first thing I presented to my granny when I first got home..

The colors on a delicate tiny bag - the first wave of thrill...

Box outta the bag!

Here it is, my precious (brother to my granny's ring)

I'm not rich nor well-to-do. Not showing off either. Just innocently something I've always wanted. The Atlas within touch - radiance, otherwise given by the love-filled ring from my endearing granny.

De one with Unspoken Memories

Over the brim: 2003 - 2007

"Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed"

Remember the wetness smeared my face, sustained by a painful source filled-within. Remember the weariness and nerve-wrecking tremble when the feeling of losing acid beneath thy skin. Remember the collapse of self-composure, evidenced nothing but triumph of shame.


"Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed"

Staring into blankness as I slouched in bed/couch with visions blurred with chalking liquid. All but numbness. Perhaps that was lost that's un-writtable. The heart-aching songs about breakup (mostly Jay Chou and Ah-mei) played wildly like a jukebox in my head. The scars continues to burn as though it had been fresh-wounded; the taste... of paracetamol lurking at the back of thy throat; and the memorable nausea from E3 and p-Extra.


"Some say love, it is a hunger - an endless aching need"

Visiting the gallery of love-doves ain't easy. One of the 7 sins will cloud thy mind if I fail to take power-naps or stick my nose into a book. Like oxygen to the deprived, the strong desires and never ending grasp for abundance in order to survive.


"I say love, it is a flower. And you, it's only seed"

Like a current aroused... the first pulse after resuscitation... the upbeat of the baton before the first beat... the click of the opened lock.. before the rest commence.


"It's the heart, afraid of breaking that never learns to dance"

Felt as if my heart was strucked by that very wane of the Ice Queen from Narnia. A heart like marsh-mellows suddenly frozen with the touch of an Antarctica breeze. Words likes : I don't know if I can do this.. You're sweet and nice person to be with.. it's just.. well, I'm not really seeking a relationship at this moment in time. After you know, my past encounters of disappointment" surfaced even though I knew it'd break that person's heart and letting that person go through the agony which I loathed.

Dilemma, afraid, uncertainty, doubts and submerging faith.


"It's the dream, afraid of waking that never takes the chance"

Staying status quo. That's what everybody wants. Of all, between you and me, I want. I was so clouded it failed to allow me to realise the significant support and love of people who cared most for us in the long run... or someone, the perfect fit.


"It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give"

Recall someone I showered with gifts and efforts but never show any appreciation nor give anything in return. All those smiles were heart-contenting. Folly me was too over-smittened I never realise, that person's heart wasn't with me. Hence..


"And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live"

Fearing what could happen even before I allow myself to start. IT IS SCARY and that's nothing I could do.


"When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long"

Travelling back from work. On board the 40 minutes bus journey. Sobs to the music...
Don't even dare to cry. It's gonna be embarrassing. It's so pathetic and miserable.

"And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong"

The confident, the charming and the popular are the rightful owners of love. Not me. Not me.


"Just remember, in the winter far beneath the bitter snows"

Adam Smith was right. There's a guiding hand to almost eveyrthing in life. I derived a alternative view to religion. It's a believe that possibly guides you to something.


"Lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring, becomes the rose"


Blog it, lock it and throw the key away. Goodbye, sad memories.

* Picture in courtesy of ACP.

De one with Bull-Mad!

Fuming Sunday

Early morning I accompanied my granny to the community centre for this luncheon event which she had been asked to join during her weekly senior citizens' gathering at the void-decks earlier. Everything was fine, i got some time to spend while sending her safety despite the hot sun wasn't friendly. Then, the drama unfold when we arrived.

You see, they never specify or send out any notification pamplets to inform these senior citizens to bring along their ICs for verification purpose. The bloody counter-"statues" (these aunties who obviously have not been trained) keep insisting we produce the IC and keeps denying release of the entrance ticket for my granny. I kept my cool and suggested my granny's name was on that list they have and verification could be done alternatively through verbal verification. What's so difficult? Denied again.

All the rage burst out, I never knew I was so angry until I heard the table banged. It was the sound of my fist landing on the table as I demanded they tell me who the organiser was. Then all I heard was my voice loud as thunder. My first priority was to get my granny into the hall, so I thought it'd wouldn't help arguing with them, left with no choice, I told my granny I'll go back to fetch her IC. As I left in fury, echoes of words threaded behind me as I chanted "I"M GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM!" together with the furious soul in my mind.

I got back, grabbed my granny's IC, together with a marker and a piece of paper which I intend to write down the counter-fool's (may Judas bless her family and future generations) name. Those haggs ought to be grateful to my granny who got me to cease all these troubles I'm gonna cause.

Apparently that didn't quench my angry. I headed home, took a cold bath to wash off my perspiration before I set down, looked up ST, websites for all the emails I could get to shoot my complaints about the disappointing encounters earlier.

Obviously this was atrocity. Never had I ever loose my cool before in public. Blood old and cocky hags who thinks they are in-charge just because they hold some name list and have the tickets. It's such a disgrace to those organisers who got these incompetent people to do the job. Social-well being programmes for the senior citizens and your staff turn away these elderly people, demanding them to go back to bring their ICs. Their rude attitude. Man.. These are old people we are talking about. You expect them to travel back and forth for some stupid lunch while you sit comfortably at the counters? Thank goodness I was there with my granny, else what would she have done?

While I was there I observed an old lady who brought her IC but just because her name wasn't on the list (I presumed she must have been here because of some verbal arrangement with her peers). And she was rejected flat and shunned away by the counter-hags! What's this?

Social failure! Sponsors, donors and taxpayers are funding such flopped programmes? You've gotta be kidding!!

De one with HMD

Dedicated to one of the person I loved the most

Happy mother's day Mummy. My love and appreciation for you will continue, growing year after year as I age. I just wished you were here to read these words yourself.

With luv from your son,
Ja

De one with Spaces (OVA)

"Maybe.. it's all disappointment", these words echoed through the skull like a weakening banshee shriek. At this moment, the bloodcells fluttered away. The angel stuffed clouds into his microscopic eyes and crouched himself into the cave of my right ear. The devil hung upside-down within my left armpit. Its red-glowing tail wrapped his fork to free his arms, now cupped tightly around his mischieviously pointed ears.

Although great, the impact of noise pollution on the closest audience were minimal. All Jasons were too moody to be affected. Some buried their heads in their hands. Some sulking in a corner, being emo. The rest were staring blankly at each other or looking at the thalamus who just delivered the notion.

The 2 seconds of silence after the dissipation of sound got Jasons to smile and nod their heads to contemplate agreement. All but one who made himself within thoughts in an instance. "Hold up!" he spoke with firm but pleasant voice. Everybody looked at him.

Cool was the obvious word to describe this stranger who had advocated the notion. The lips parted in anticipation, like that of a superstar taking a half-beat breathe before hitting the next beat. And he spoke again.. "Why are you feeling sorry for yourself again. It is a sign of weakness - letting down the glittering skin in response to a declining level of self-security. Things ain't so bad. If there are spaces in your life, I'll fill them up for you."

He allowed a plause as though to substantiate the power of his statement before he continued.. "It doesn't matter if life's working out for you. What's important is how you deal with it which you know you could, with/without other's approval. You are capable of employing strength to withstand all these nonsensibility."

"By law of Science, one can't fly without wings. Even if a human have wings, he wouldn't be able to fly. In the name of Imagination, you have a halo and a burning heart. These are two pocessions you need to keep you going. Things might be grey but the silver..no... the platinum lining will appear and you will make it appear. Just give yourself time and calm down abit to help you concentrate and better understand what's before you."

"You are made for this, Jason. I know you best. You are special in a way", he affirmed with a eye-wink and "V" hand gesture.

De one with Spaces

Reading a book without words;
Run a cracked road without shoes;
Draw without materials;

Songs without lyrics;
Air without oxygen;
Night without lights;

"Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete"

Jason's definately not flying without wings.

Maybe.. it's disappointment. All in favour? Jasons smile and agreed.

De one with How Could I Be So Stupid

Halfwitted!

How could I be so stupid? I actually made such a silly careless mistake in my taxation paper. Faint! It's gonna cause me 25marks. Out of a total of 70 marks! Sigh.. No use being optimistic now. What a great price to pay to learn the lesson of not being careless.

x'(

De one with GraciouSinapore

Bird's eye view or not

Hardly got the time to read news papers since I hadn't got much time to care about my appearance. Surprisingly, this news article in Sunday Times Life pulled my attention as naturally as though there was an unavoidable electromagnetic force. And I felt there was something to blog about.

This interesting article, maybe within expectation and has low "informational content" to some, revolved around recent criticisms toward Singaporeans, pin-pointing none other than their virtues of graciousness.

In my opinion, since the criticisms were generalised, I honestly feel the general lot of us are not as bad as what others are perceived about us.

It is a fact that Singaporeans are not expressively-demonstrating how or what a few are expecting of us (due to their past experience/encounters at their hometowns, backgrounds) or others commenting for the sake of doing so. Well, that's primarily because our early generations are guarded with strict obeservations of chinese cultures. But, thing is, we do not have any regulations on "graciousness" or was it a line in the "mantra".

If I ever have the chance to meet her, I'd have told her, "Please, honestly, I don't think you have the looks which most customers would require your service. Perhaps its your half-past-six attitude which customers wanna avoid you."

In respect to the above, the crucial part is to ellaborate on the differences between "salesperson", "sales assistant" and a "service-provider".

The first can be performed by any Tom, Dick and Henry or Jane, Lily or Mary. He/she is someone who has engage anybody who brings a foot into the shop and they have an infallible attitude that it's "gracious" to welcome and tag around the customer like scrotch-tape, and because of this, they expect the customers to react to such displeasing service.

"Sales assistant" are the objective role of anybody in the sales industry. They provide assistance only when the customers acquire implyingly or vocally expressed. They do what's within their duty of service. They still greet when the customers patron the shop but they establish respect for customers, maintaining distance from the customers so as not to perturb the customers in their browsing period.

Finally, the most adored are "service provider" (*slap slap, not talking about redlight or pornstars), these are sales assistants who go beyond the expected responsibilities of their jobs. They obeserve and understand their customer prior having their attitude and knowledge are efficiently employed to gain customers' trust, allowing for service values.

I shop alot. Greetings are ok. I always smile in acknowledgement and give a slight nod to show modesty. I don't like "salesperson" hawking around as though I am a prey. It irritates me when I'm browsing. The ace mistake is salespersons fail to give customers browsing time which otherwise led to their buying decisions after certain period of consideration. When you "bite" your customers, your pressence as a stranger perturbs your customers and it causes them discomfort and spoils their shopping. The next flaw is when I try to get attention and you fail to meet. That means you're not fulfiling basic responsibility. Of course, it's forgivable when there's more than 4 customers. But anywhere less than that, you're a goner man.

There are occassions when customers like to "ga ki lai" (self-service in Hokkien). Respect the customers. Service providers don't criticise about customers' attitude. Even uneducated cab-drivers don't think that of passengers. So I think the girl who feedback in the newspaper, I bet there's nobody around and you "bite" the customers. You fail to recognised the customer's browsing. Or you're just not professional enough to recognise the customer and complaining (no.. more like whinning) like Singaporean of "low tolerance".

Not refering to current affairs and legitimate world news, press are the inevitable culprit. They do selective publishing of surveys they obtain. Anyway, I've studied perceptive behaviours and social accounting. Both share a flawed that their empirical studies are often limited. The way article are phrases and headlined play tricks on the reader's heuristics. Here', let me share anchoring and changing heuristics. It primarily states that decision makers often based on first/initial impression and only make little adjustments with subsequent readings/materials pertaining to the same topic. Not only does the reader get attracted to read an article due to the large and bold-printed headlines, it often creates a first impression in their minds. Jackie Chan didn't specifically say "Singaporeans do not have self-respect (completely)". He meant "Singaporeans are do not possess enough self-respect." Not having and not having enough are two different thing. Readers are sensitive towards such inarticulated reporting. Remember, what you write/say has an impact on others. The responsible thing here is to question ourselves the consequences of releasing what we want to say, without compromising our freedom of speech. Generalisation are for immature arguist only.

There's nothing wrong with what Jackie Chan said. I personally feel he did not comment. That guy's merely raising an off-hand example to deliver what he's trying to say about Chinese. Well.. that guy's wrong in his example too la. We all know banning chewing gum is totally irrelevant to issue of self-respect. The government banned chewing gum because it was an environmental problem. And that led to successful "Clean and Green Singapore" campaign.

It is true Singapore is a government-regulated. I think Jack Neo's films have shown it all. What I need to comment is without regulations, there's gonna be greater disparity, more political frauds and less insecurity as compared to you-know-whom-I'm-talking-about. There was a comment about us living in a spoilt society. Think about it, certain regulations have affected us to be like this.

We are gracious (we have four races living together, what do other countries have). Just not polite enough if we compare ourselves to the Japanese. This is an inevitable fate as the nation continues to indulge itself to constant role-perceptions and deemed-standards under influence from world politics and international competitiveness, without considering cultural awareness. Like I said, there are no laws written in social-contract, double-laws, bible or mantra punishing people for deemed-ungraciousness. I don't think it is even mentioned in the Codex Gigas.

Relating back to the article, I do agree with a few comments therein about being "a matured-society". One of the gracious way is to keep our minds open and embrace any good or bad comments in the best way we can. We won't wanna take on a cynical countryman criticism, don't we.

De one with Twins

Wish upon a star

People think I'm being absurd when I mention how it'd be like if I ever had a twin brother. More than usual, their replies synchronise with those of my family members', implying somewhere along the line "goodness, having you alone is enough. Another would be un-manageable." I pondered over this sometime in my life. Till date, it's amusing and regretful as I haven't got a clear reason to justify these comments. Couldn't bother asking or getting further feedbacks. Nevertheless, gut feeling tells me most probably the reasons were derived from my intolerable temper; particularly fussy/articulatedly-picky; extravagent spender!

Hmm.. *hand on my chin* I supposed there are so much interesting issues to talk about him. Let's start with the first crucial issue - his name. My chinese name was given by a Priest (bet you guess never know this right..). "Jason" was bestowed by Daddy. "Jimson" is my late younger brother's name. So here we see a similarity of having our christian/nickname (since we are not baptised or pleaged Christians) starting with "J" and ending with "son". The third generations of my family observes a practice of starting names with "J".

Considering the above, my twin brother might have been named either Jackson/Jenson. Don't you agree Jack and Jason kinda go along pretty well? The former is traditionally deviated from "John" which means "God is grecious". The latter means "Lord's salvation". How about Johnson - too overrated and commercialised. His chinese name.. let's see.. might be Yong Wen. That's the initial name my late Mummy wanted for me. She wanted me to excel academically. Guess my twin brother can do that.

Settled with the name, what kinda character and personality my twin brother would possess? There might be a chance that he could be out-going, outspoken yet well behaved and more intelligent compared to me - An opposite image of me although we might look exactly the same. These assumptions are drawn from my late brother who's somewhat like I've described above. Speaking of other qualitative characteristic like thriftiness, I suppose he might be superior. He better be! *Lightbulb blink* That might be a reason why the Priest gave me a name to suppress my spendthrift ignorance.

Similarities? Apart from looks (arha! that attributes two vain boys yes.. the angel and devil on my shoulders share the same view that our vanity will remain *smuggle*), I think we would be pretty competitive in whatever we do in life, being left-handed and our interests in art may be the same too! Arty-tacky is an attribution of Mummy's genes. Finally, discipline and kindness will remain too mainly due to the same family upbringing we received.

What about giving thought to how my twin brother will affect my life? I'd most likely have more accompany without having to fret over not having someone who better understand me and get along with without any conflicts in almost everything. I watched national geographic about this possible, sophisticated telepathic experiences between twins. It's amazing when one of them feels something, the other will have the same experience too. We could have shared so much things, ranging from clothings, toys, maybe some common interests. Or enjoy confusing others with our lookalike-ness. Hehe. Or better, the knowledge each of us attained!

I always have a silly thought that in the event I was in trouble with chinese examinations., my brother could sit the paper for me. Of course, it's foolish having considered both of us are most likely taking the same paper at the same time. We'd most probably attend the same school so we could have each other's accompany to counter the complex-inferiority on first day of school.

Also, I mean, think about it. Everything I spent on now would have been better and economically utilised through double usability, duo-value due to the existence of my twin brother. Haha.

Our future prospects might converge. We could have both studied accountancy, obtain CPA and establish a Firm together. Wuao. Pretty cool huh.

Most importantly, we would have each other's console, look out for each other through thick and thin. I find that nobody would understand me better than my twin brother. Moreover, family ties are strongest in times of departures. Having a twin brother would be a dream come true!

De one with Fallible J

Blindness blank

Seemed to have lost all work capability. It is apparent my meticulous and careful nature had desolated me. Someone criticized I was shrugging my responsibility, with bleak cold-bloodiness. I know, it's all evident in the work I produce. All because of utter annoyance. I just couldn't help myself amplifying the effects of such criticism.

Perhaps I was overwhelmed with so much to clear. And I only had one day. It was unfair. I wanted very much to console myself that my work was tendered punctual. Unfortunately it was delayed, neglected in favour of the others. These were simply out of my control.

I hate myself.. for being too tolerate and soft-spoken. Ya, go ahead and call me a wimp/total pushover. Moreover, I am unqualified. What a loser I've been all these while.

Maybe what's said from the beginning of my career was right. I shouldn't waste both my time and that of others. It spiraled in my mind as though eventing a ritual procession psychotically. Resembling voices around flame-engulfed campfire, raging a chaotic frenzy, threatening my sanity.

Guys don't cry. But I'm different. It didn't take very long on my way across the overhead bridge before I touched my eyes and felt the moist smeared on my fingers.

De one with When?

Quand? Quando? いつ? 何时? 빨리? cuándo?

When will it happen to me? How many times must I face these difficult period of waiting for it...

The signs are growing, thy patience is wearing, the click is ticking...

A frantic person, all battled and scarred, rushed and collapsed on the blinding, bitter-cold snow patch. Tears streaming down as he looked up into the light, his trembling hands clutched tightly to his bare chest.

No whimpering sounds. Only silence and the exceptional doves flopping away. Some of these creatures pecked to taste the saltwater and took flight. Others flew away with its companion. The remaining looked from shadowed spots, frightened, else ignorant of a familiar melody.

The poor, miserable questioning heartbeat which screamed for something which never reached the attention of the passerby. Fear had consumed his courage to expose the song of yearning. As he reached, a brave, enviable gesture thus far...

There were still no response.. as the orphan's breathe painting depletion, together with his scent of forbidden longing.

De one with Sins

*WARNING*

The following may contain materials which may cause indifference of opinion and/or discomfort to some groups of people. Please note that any references, descriptions, mere opinions or comments have been mentioned solely for leisure reading and were without the intent to mean any offense or fraudulent representation or misleading purpose. Readers who are/or may be affected by religious matters are strongly advised not to proceed read anything after this warning message. In any circumstances, the blogger and/or the blog-administrating corporation are/is not liable for any effects or equivalent derived from abuse/mis-comprehension of contents of this blog entry.

Judgment day

I have always keep my lips together and smile as far as religious conviction and associated matters are of concern. Reason for such reaction is not that I'm an atheist, it's partly due to my insufficient convictions or proactive knowledge of religion to argue my beliefs. Most importantly, I love to maintain my adventure of experiencing the diversity offered by different cultures and traditions.

Just today, some Christians from "some church" were going door-to-door, distributing pampers. Without me stating the obvious, it's certainly another way of "spreading beliefs". Anyway, I noticed it's a hot story going around town. Don't know if you have heard it or perhaps in my case, my boss actually shown us in video. It's about making the people realise that they have sinned. And God hath sent Jesus to purge or atone our sins.

If I didn't interpret wrongly, the important thing here is to encourage us to realise the sacrifices Jesus has done, and the best way to acknowledge this is to accept God into our hearts. I deciphered much was achieved through creating self-awareness of the unethical and/or immoral behavior and even thoughts (!) within us. And reminding us that such "sins" might subject us to a judgment day. I even read from the pamplet, words in an illustrating diagram of "sins" which includes "envy", "proud"... it occurred to me, are these abit too extreme?

Not scrutinishing words in a diagram or being ignorant, personally I feel thoughts are okay unless you act in a way which harms/affect the other party. Isn't it a privilege to have privacy in our minds, without being worried that what we spoke in our minds might condemn us? Of course, it might be argued that it's thumbs-up for the purest of mind. However, its that practical?

And definitely, it's perfectly fine to be proud of our achievements. Just be careful not to go overboard to cause annoyance to others. In addition, enviousness reminds and focus us to what we do not have/lack, such that we will seek to improve. Isn't that the effect caused by the recent advertisement on foreign-students being able to speak Mandarin?

Next ambiguous issue is whether there are other alternatives to acknowledge the greatness of God? I recalled watching the Ten Commandments when I was in Primary 4 and there was the scene when Moses came back with the craved stones and the Gods punished those who worshipped the Golden Ox of their own. And kinda derived a certainty to the opening question - as long as we live and let live, I think it's another legitimate acknowledgment via respect for his creations, don't you agree?

Maybe the Christians might have found now to be the most appropriate time to spread the gospel word ba.. considering people are discouraged by the prevailing economic ordeal, it might very well give them time to reflect on their life decisions. In the midst, the opinion of believing in the wonders of the Lord to calm tension don't seemed unappealing.

Lastly, is there really a judgment day when we will have to answer for our accumulative sins? Before this, how shall we address the equitable definition of "sins"? Ok, the creator have the right to judge us. He's omnipresent, that accounts that he has the ability to spare time for everybody for each judgment. But is it certain that the after-life is only hell and heaven, and that it is inevitable for a judgment day to decide where the departed belong to?

I will never forget the discussions I have with certain believers who knock on our door. (Well, mainly because I got to learnt of Jehovah.. God is just his "celebrity" nick?). There were two who shared with me this ending phrase in the Bible which mentioned that the end product of the world is a guranteed paradise for all. If so, will we still expect the pressence of hell? Did the fallen angel turn over a new leaf? If all these will occurr, does that render all existing judgment day analogy meaningless?

Surely, there are alot to be discovered, if not, better left with open options...

De one with Impact of The Tongues

Honest morning

It doesn't seemed appropriate but I left to meet Loo Wan and Clara for dinner without finishing my revision for Accounting Theory. It was the guy's last day of exam. Argh, as much as I'm happy for his finished ordeal, I couldn't help pitying the approaching exams. Well, I believe everybody has his own share of burden (his agony started earlier).

We had our fill at Sakae. Little did I know my membership card had accumulated over $26+ to be redeemed, saving us from footing a quarter of our initial $74+ bill. Wuao! Disappointing thing was I wanted to ignore my dinner-mates' reimbursement, Clara insisted on-dutch.

Not only that, my pre-empt plan of not staying over wee hours seemed to be gone with the wind when the three of us "parked our butts" in the comfortable sofa seats at Starbucks. Loo had his latte, Clara: Over-the-top-sweet mango ice blended and ice passion tea for myself. Of course, coffee chats couldn't dispense getting good-old-cheese cakes. In case you were wondering why there's no pictures. I couldn't be bothered to take any. Haha. Gimme a break from my exams prep!

Good and bad thing Loo got his attachment abroad. Good was he got the chance to do overseas intern - something he was really looking forward to. Bad was the collapse of our overseas trip in August - an ardent activity when we first projected in our last dinner.

We conversed about friends too. Ok, there was abit of harmless bitching but important thing I got out of the conversation was what we say does influence other's perception/opinion about another third party. So much for the power of tongues whacking. Omg. Like I told Loo, why should we involve ourselves into the affairs of others which obviously doesn't have any relationship to our friendship, and let any emotions/understanding aroused from this involvement cloud our perception of that particular friend of ours.

Perhaps one of the reason might be human nature. We are inquisitive creatures, always interested other people's lives' events and derive an impression on others. This impression is not permanent (although some might be) depending not only on our direct dealing but also what we hear of/read/gossip about that person and his/her relationship with others. Weird huh.. which is why paparazzi and those "ba gua" ("gossip"/entertainment in mandarin) magazines reporters have their ricebowls.

Hmm.. do we lack objectivity or what most of us did (as mentioned earlier) is being objective. Personally, I rather believe in my relationship with that person. Whatever people tells me about that person, considerations comes with benefit of doubt granted until proven. It's just injustifiable until personal encounters occur.

Too good, so true.. impact of the tongues is a still an existing lethal propaganda which greatly influence human perceptions.

De one with Truly Want

Dearest all

I don't have to be religious to be able to what I am going to say. Promise there isn't any snobbishness what I represent this. I recall it's every teacher's question to ask his/her pupils, at one moment of their teaching stint - "What I want to be?"

Back then, the first thing we could related to - ambition. Primarily the only thing we could comprehend due to our limited knowledge of life. Or perhaps, susceptible to the materialistic influence of adults. Finally, I have an answer to this question:

I want to be.. a person who gives all the love to every person I know;
I would have provided all the company and encouragement to my friends;
Reserved all the kindness my thoughts could offer and extend to the strangers around;
And undoubtedly, my money to my family.

I want to be.. a person with a heart that's emptied to give
Until there's only a single drop of blood concentrated with the purest of love
And stake my spirit to guard in peace,
For that special someone who meant so much to me.

I want to be.. a person to all but ask for nothing in return
Except to have the stars remember thy name,
For a zillion but one cause,
That is for my mother and brother
Forever proud of having me
As a son and as a brother.

De one with Tough Week

Building stressful momentum

It is a tough week. Most of the time, feeling nothing except adrenaline of wanting to complete the ever-piling work load. Not really bugged by helping others out. I mean I love to help. Of course, there's nothing without a price, I had to face more stress. Perhaps that's what the hero in us does - doing the extraordinary seeming impossible for the ordinary. Lame sh*t.

Behind that calm face, I actually felt the tremendous opposite. Not largely because of sharing the burden belonging to others but the crushed, oppressive time-factor. I feel suffocated man. There were moments the tears brimmed to the escape at the ends of my eye. I never tell anyone, just wearing a smile with my teeth cinched, in order to conceal and contain the uncomfortably miserable moods inside.

No use whining, only dealing. Tough week ahead, ain't no stopping.

Thanks to my dear friends who have detected my embarrassing chaotic self and encouraged me through this ordeal. Your goodwill forever marked on the surface of my heart.

De one with Perception Discrepancy

Blur day

The most feared and irritating thing is having people developing the wrong impression of you and the stuff which you do when you do not have the chance to explain. Yes. Especially when it comes to work or anything that relates to any dealings with a third party.

I do give the benefit of doubt that I may have been over-sensitive or was it me who misinterpreted what Gabriel tried to say. Most of the evening, my demoralised mind kept questioning all the Jasons in me, convincing myself out of one of my worst fear - the boss thinks you are not performing to expectation.

It annoys me to fail people. Least to mention their expectations of me. It detriments their perception of you, altering their behaviour towards you. Yes, people are narrow-minded by nature. It's how they develop, using all sorts of reasons ranging from karma-consciousness to religion conviction to self-freedom decisions in order to remind them to be alittle open-minded on constant basis. It's sad but true.

Anyway he call me in when I was leaving for school. Darn. The "crunch time"begun with why I am bringing another colleague for stocktake, proceeding into sharing of workload, landed on personal attitude towards jobs till calendar. I got the gees of the monologue-conversation. It's just unbearable not to resist having this feeling that the person is implying that I'm not performing. Especially the moment he repeated: "I wouldn't take a job from a person who's slow in the work." Call me sensitive all you want but I recalled last year end the same was happening to me. And my manager could see I was really suffocating that she removed one assignment from me.

Some jobs I handle looks simple in appearance but alot of problems are discovered post- commencement. Others are tough jobs which require long time. To makes things no better than it should be, clients take very long to help what you require. Which prolongs and delay my progress and I hate it.

Consider myself pretty responsible. I came back on sundays for job completion. For the past two semester, I came back despite I was supposed to be on my study leave to clear the review points. I plan my schedules once I know which assignments I'm supposed to do. I strongly disapprove and disallow any chance for my client to be late or mess up my organised agendas and protect the interest of my company. Turns out, it gets jeopardised because I have to wait for my work to be reviewed even though the job was completed weeks or months ago. Else, client's incooperative or being unreasonable. And end up what? Just for people to think I am not churning out work. Well.. it's like this. Pretty unfortunately isn't it.

Everyday on the bus, I couldn't concentrate on my book. The troubled-mind just drift away, worrisome of my work progress which bears a couple of elements which are outta my control.

If only.. if only I had a guardian angel. What a mockery to even give considerations to this. *slap slap* Wake up from your day-dreaming Ja!