Cloudy shades, sunbaked Saturday
At last, 3 months of heart ache miraculously got wiped out, by a special someone!
I feel better now. Thanks for those who've been taking care of me and others, who considerately gave their time and feelings for me..
I know it's very fast, all these that have happened. But i'll just make the best of what i can and have, bearing in mind whatever i've learnt from past experience. Wouldn't wanna think too much. I'll not indulge myself into any "self-fulfilling prophecy".
:: Sweet, i love you too.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
De one with 13.07.05
Sunny
13.07.05 marks a significant day in my life. Exactly 365 days from the exact same day, at 19:35hrs, the woman who matter the most in my life, collapsed at Bishan park and went on to the next stage of life...
Remember it was 13.07.05, i was still a 2IC in Charlie Battery, shagged both physically and mentally. However deep in my heart, i was grateful that FATEP finally ends in Thailand. All in my mind was i was able to go back to base camp (Krachaburi camp) for a long awaited bath and dersert a perspiration and mud soaked uniform for a fresh set of attire.
We had our end-of-frame FATEP dinner. At the end, the gunners were going around "capturing" Sgts and Sirs to throw and toss them in mid-air for a couple of fun time. I nearly knocked my head into the ceiling at the entrance of the dinner hall. It was only after that I realised when Sgt Eddy passed me a watch and asked if it was mind. In my hand, i saw my addidas clima-cool watch, bought by my mummy for enlistment. Somehow, my mind sensed an un-auspicious ormen.
True enough, aft having bathed and come back to bunk, i switched on my hp. Replying to the 3 missed calls from Jasmine, everything break loose. I recalled when i got through, Jasmine was sobbing, telling me: "Jason... you must be strong ok?... Your mother just passed away.." I was shocked. I asked why, she replied she only knew my mum went jogging and now she's passed away at the Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I couldn't believe my ears. At an instant, gush of chilling fear rushed through my entire body system. I walked over to my BC and told him I needed to rush back to Singapore.
The next moment, i was sobbing soft while packing. Chaos was the only state of mind. The more i think, the more i wished to endure my fear, my tears, the more it flowed down my cheeks while i packed my duffle bag and sort out the equipment i've drawn on-loan for the exercise.
Even CO, LTC Steven Seng came over and comfort me, the miserable face expression i gave him was unforgettable. I was filled with nothing but pure grief. He was speechless too.
I cried the whole night, couldn't sleep. Sgt Eddy was by my side, giving my tissue paper and comforting me to sleep. It was until dawn that I dragged my luggage out to board the rover which would send me to the Thai-Singapore Ambassy to settle my departure administration, since i was travelling with my SAF smart card instead of a passport.
Poor Chin Yu, my only-reachable best friend, accompanied me all the way. Thanks alot Chin Yu. He even helped me with my heavy luggage at times when i had to switch from the rover to another vehicle which would fetch me to Bangkok Airport. I felt bad, having to leave Chin Yu alone at the airport and wait as the staff-in-charge (from the Ambassy) had to bring and facilitate me through the customs.
The caring staff accompanied me even through the waiting. I was really grateful. On board Singapore Airline, i was weeping in my heart. I keep thinking, everything's going to be alright.. I'm finally coming home to learn about everything...
From the moment i arrived at ahma's block. All the tentages were already set up. The first person who came to me was my aunt, weary looking, with the both hands on my arm, she said in Hokkien dialect: "Don't be sad, poor child.. Your mother's gone..." I wasn't crying but my whole body was really cold, filled with the refusal to sight what it's true. And there it was... the woman who mattered so much to me in my life, was lying lifeless yet peacefully in the golden brown polished and uncovered coffin.. She looked as if she was like in a stage performance, with all her thick yet pale-toned make-up. She lied so comfortably in the silk/linen laid inside of the coffin, so naturally like a wax model who's sleeping.
My ahma joined me later. With my dad already there. Mama (my aunt) was already breaking down in tears. I walked out, fearing a second look at mummy which would cause me to break down hard...
For the next three days of the funeral, i didn't cry at all. I kept telling myself repeatedly that I am the eldest son. I shouldn't cry. I had to be strong. So that others wouldn't have to come console me. At that time, i was really in grief. (omg, even when i'm typing this, i'm crying) I was hoping that my very first ex would come console me. However, my ex didn't came. I knew, deep down, another pillar of support was starting to collapse.
So.. I was alone. Thankfully, alot of friends turned up. Yuyan, Shuqing, Clara, Alan, Justin, Jiamin, Dunlin, Maja they all, Kai Si... and people from camp like my battalion Chief Clerk and 2LT Samuel came.. my men, Jimmy and Anthony called.. keep me occupied.
I hate funerals. I remembered my last was for my grand-father (mummy's dad). I hate funerals because there's grief and people crying painfully. I hate it. Of course, there was a small part of me, blaming Mummy..why she had to leave just like that. Why didn't she wait until I came back from training in Thailand.
It was until the final wake, when i had to place my hand on the van which carries my mummy's coffin, that all my pride shattered, restrained tears poured out. Totally broke down in heart-ache. Overwhelmed with indescribable anguish.
The story: "In fear of her high blood pressure and hypertension after having done her check up at Polyclinic, mummy became health conscious and begin her jogging again. She was always pushing herself. In hope that cardio-exercise would help her live a longer life as she has to take care of my younger brother Jimson and me, who have yet to admit into U. She went to jog around 1830hr. Till 2100hrs, only did my cousin, Jasmine and my daddy senses something amiss that they went out with my uncle to search. In vain, they came back and called all the hospital. Finally, locating someone with identical name at TTSH"
Unfortunately, the family members were called down to the autopsy room to recognise my mum's body. It was diagnosed that she had passed away due to cardio-failure. She must have over-exerted herself, leading to heart to collapse.
Later, it was heard that my mummy was sent to the hospital after some passer-by jogged called for ambulance. However, we couldn't discover what happened exactly...
Life still goes on. However, the significant scar in my heart and hurting truth of this loss of someone beloved, is unforgettable. People always say we still love her in our hearts. I do. So is she in my memory. Everytime i think of her, the chinese song "shi shang zhi you mama hao" will start to sing in my head. Tears will start to tickle down.
I would give up anything, even my life just to exchange her back... for ahma who lost a daughter; for mama and uncle who lost their sibling; for daddy who lost his wife; for Jasmine and Judy who lost her god-mother; for Jimson, my younger brother, who needs Mummy more than he needs me... and for the world, who lost a wonderful, talented, compassionate super-woman...
Je t'aime..
Sarang heyo..
Ashiteru..
Te Quiero..
I love you.. Mummy
-Jason, who didn't get to bid u goodbye
13.07.05 marks a significant day in my life. Exactly 365 days from the exact same day, at 19:35hrs, the woman who matter the most in my life, collapsed at Bishan park and went on to the next stage of life...
Remember it was 13.07.05, i was still a 2IC in Charlie Battery, shagged both physically and mentally. However deep in my heart, i was grateful that FATEP finally ends in Thailand. All in my mind was i was able to go back to base camp (Krachaburi camp) for a long awaited bath and dersert a perspiration and mud soaked uniform for a fresh set of attire.
We had our end-of-frame FATEP dinner. At the end, the gunners were going around "capturing" Sgts and Sirs to throw and toss them in mid-air for a couple of fun time. I nearly knocked my head into the ceiling at the entrance of the dinner hall. It was only after that I realised when Sgt Eddy passed me a watch and asked if it was mind. In my hand, i saw my addidas clima-cool watch, bought by my mummy for enlistment. Somehow, my mind sensed an un-auspicious ormen.
True enough, aft having bathed and come back to bunk, i switched on my hp. Replying to the 3 missed calls from Jasmine, everything break loose. I recalled when i got through, Jasmine was sobbing, telling me: "Jason... you must be strong ok?... Your mother just passed away.." I was shocked. I asked why, she replied she only knew my mum went jogging and now she's passed away at the Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I couldn't believe my ears. At an instant, gush of chilling fear rushed through my entire body system. I walked over to my BC and told him I needed to rush back to Singapore.
The next moment, i was sobbing soft while packing. Chaos was the only state of mind. The more i think, the more i wished to endure my fear, my tears, the more it flowed down my cheeks while i packed my duffle bag and sort out the equipment i've drawn on-loan for the exercise.
Even CO, LTC Steven Seng came over and comfort me, the miserable face expression i gave him was unforgettable. I was filled with nothing but pure grief. He was speechless too.
I cried the whole night, couldn't sleep. Sgt Eddy was by my side, giving my tissue paper and comforting me to sleep. It was until dawn that I dragged my luggage out to board the rover which would send me to the Thai-Singapore Ambassy to settle my departure administration, since i was travelling with my SAF smart card instead of a passport.
Poor Chin Yu, my only-reachable best friend, accompanied me all the way. Thanks alot Chin Yu. He even helped me with my heavy luggage at times when i had to switch from the rover to another vehicle which would fetch me to Bangkok Airport. I felt bad, having to leave Chin Yu alone at the airport and wait as the staff-in-charge (from the Ambassy) had to bring and facilitate me through the customs.
The caring staff accompanied me even through the waiting. I was really grateful. On board Singapore Airline, i was weeping in my heart. I keep thinking, everything's going to be alright.. I'm finally coming home to learn about everything...
From the moment i arrived at ahma's block. All the tentages were already set up. The first person who came to me was my aunt, weary looking, with the both hands on my arm, she said in Hokkien dialect: "Don't be sad, poor child.. Your mother's gone..." I wasn't crying but my whole body was really cold, filled with the refusal to sight what it's true. And there it was... the woman who mattered so much to me in my life, was lying lifeless yet peacefully in the golden brown polished and uncovered coffin.. She looked as if she was like in a stage performance, with all her thick yet pale-toned make-up. She lied so comfortably in the silk/linen laid inside of the coffin, so naturally like a wax model who's sleeping.
My ahma joined me later. With my dad already there. Mama (my aunt) was already breaking down in tears. I walked out, fearing a second look at mummy which would cause me to break down hard...
For the next three days of the funeral, i didn't cry at all. I kept telling myself repeatedly that I am the eldest son. I shouldn't cry. I had to be strong. So that others wouldn't have to come console me. At that time, i was really in grief. (omg, even when i'm typing this, i'm crying) I was hoping that my very first ex would come console me. However, my ex didn't came. I knew, deep down, another pillar of support was starting to collapse.
So.. I was alone. Thankfully, alot of friends turned up. Yuyan, Shuqing, Clara, Alan, Justin, Jiamin, Dunlin, Maja they all, Kai Si... and people from camp like my battalion Chief Clerk and 2LT Samuel came.. my men, Jimmy and Anthony called.. keep me occupied.
I hate funerals. I remembered my last was for my grand-father (mummy's dad). I hate funerals because there's grief and people crying painfully. I hate it. Of course, there was a small part of me, blaming Mummy..why she had to leave just like that. Why didn't she wait until I came back from training in Thailand.
It was until the final wake, when i had to place my hand on the van which carries my mummy's coffin, that all my pride shattered, restrained tears poured out. Totally broke down in heart-ache. Overwhelmed with indescribable anguish.
The story: "In fear of her high blood pressure and hypertension after having done her check up at Polyclinic, mummy became health conscious and begin her jogging again. She was always pushing herself. In hope that cardio-exercise would help her live a longer life as she has to take care of my younger brother Jimson and me, who have yet to admit into U. She went to jog around 1830hr. Till 2100hrs, only did my cousin, Jasmine and my daddy senses something amiss that they went out with my uncle to search. In vain, they came back and called all the hospital. Finally, locating someone with identical name at TTSH"
Unfortunately, the family members were called down to the autopsy room to recognise my mum's body. It was diagnosed that she had passed away due to cardio-failure. She must have over-exerted herself, leading to heart to collapse.
Later, it was heard that my mummy was sent to the hospital after some passer-by jogged called for ambulance. However, we couldn't discover what happened exactly...
Life still goes on. However, the significant scar in my heart and hurting truth of this loss of someone beloved, is unforgettable. People always say we still love her in our hearts. I do. So is she in my memory. Everytime i think of her, the chinese song "shi shang zhi you mama hao" will start to sing in my head. Tears will start to tickle down.
I would give up anything, even my life just to exchange her back... for ahma who lost a daughter; for mama and uncle who lost their sibling; for daddy who lost his wife; for Jasmine and Judy who lost her god-mother; for Jimson, my younger brother, who needs Mummy more than he needs me... and for the world, who lost a wonderful, talented, compassionate super-woman...
Je t'aime..
Sarang heyo..
Ashiteru..
Te Quiero..
I love you.. Mummy
-Jason, who didn't get to bid u goodbye
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
De one with "Love"
Rainy
I woke up super early today. Only to be disappointed by the rain. Kinda ruin my plans for a run. Nice weather to sleep though.
Of course i wasn't a lazy bum. So I got out of bed soon, do my usual rountine: Brush teeth, face cleansing. Can you believe it? i'm actually soaking my feet in some cleansing solution for the undesirable fungus infection (a.k.a Foot-rot) while blogging this entry.
Nothing much to report. Was taking my shower just now. I thought about human relationship, especially Love. I guess relationship, be it in all forms, can last. Just judge from the way most of us love our family members. Why? simply because all of us have lived together for long. Ok, just what am i trying to put across here...
Love can survive for eternity. If two people who truly love each other, they should challenge and persevere their relationship under times of pain, misery, stress and joy for a long long time. Understand and compromise, living together rather than facing some problems and think of all sorts of reasons to end their feelings for each other and end up seperating. Lovers should live like the way family members do. Personally, the best would be unconditional love.
Of course, some people would argue that there are instances that the problems faced by the couple might be way beyond control and tolerance. Well, I still recall what -A- and a once good friend Justin, told me. I'd always like to complement it with Newton's 3rd law (lame shit but it's just purely personal perferrence) : Every action has a cause that's equal and sufficient to have come about. In the first place, we can try our ways to prevent it, why not? Or resolve the problem?
Although this might sound abit naive and un-substantial. Yet, ever question why people still buy books like "Why Women can't read maps...". hmmm... I guess, it's a form of people wanted to read and learn to understand and improve their lives after reading it.
Love, to me, means alot. Cause it's the reason that can make my life feel more alive or miserable. It can be a substitute for my meals and vitamins or the very virus that pierce my heart with a zillion knieves from the inside out. It's the reason why I feel "lucky and fortunate" all day or why I grow fatter due to all the beers and chocolates that I'll indulged my misery into.
Gotta dry my feet now. Stay tune for my next entry. hehe =D
I woke up super early today. Only to be disappointed by the rain. Kinda ruin my plans for a run. Nice weather to sleep though.
Of course i wasn't a lazy bum. So I got out of bed soon, do my usual rountine: Brush teeth, face cleansing. Can you believe it? i'm actually soaking my feet in some cleansing solution for the undesirable fungus infection (a.k.a Foot-rot) while blogging this entry.
Nothing much to report. Was taking my shower just now. I thought about human relationship, especially Love. I guess relationship, be it in all forms, can last. Just judge from the way most of us love our family members. Why? simply because all of us have lived together for long. Ok, just what am i trying to put across here...
Love can survive for eternity. If two people who truly love each other, they should challenge and persevere their relationship under times of pain, misery, stress and joy for a long long time. Understand and compromise, living together rather than facing some problems and think of all sorts of reasons to end their feelings for each other and end up seperating. Lovers should live like the way family members do. Personally, the best would be unconditional love.
Of course, some people would argue that there are instances that the problems faced by the couple might be way beyond control and tolerance. Well, I still recall what -A- and a once good friend Justin, told me. I'd always like to complement it with Newton's 3rd law (lame shit but it's just purely personal perferrence) : Every action has a cause that's equal and sufficient to have come about. In the first place, we can try our ways to prevent it, why not? Or resolve the problem?
Although this might sound abit naive and un-substantial. Yet, ever question why people still buy books like "Why Women can't read maps...". hmmm... I guess, it's a form of people wanted to read and learn to understand and improve their lives after reading it.
Love, to me, means alot. Cause it's the reason that can make my life feel more alive or miserable. It can be a substitute for my meals and vitamins or the very virus that pierce my heart with a zillion knieves from the inside out. It's the reason why I feel "lucky and fortunate" all day or why I grow fatter due to all the beers and chocolates that I'll indulged my misery into.
Gotta dry my feet now. Stay tune for my next entry. hehe =D
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
De one with Life changing seasons
Cloudy summertime
At last, life is changing it's seasons.. from the cold, miserable and undesirable winter to a brighter, heart-warming and happier summer!
Have been wanting to go for a run..sigh..getting fat. OMG!
Well it's already mid July. 2 more days to a significant day which smeared a un-erasable wound in my heart and soul. 20 more days before my course at SIM commerces! Couldn't get into NTU engineering but well, it's alright. SIM's not bad too.. I love the campus lor!!
Hmmm... looking forward to both..and someone else.
Been doing nothing much nowadays. This afternoon went home to pack and clean the master-bed room. Sigh. Washed until my fingers and hands were wrinkled then.
Hopefully, summer will really last longer this time round...
At last, life is changing it's seasons.. from the cold, miserable and undesirable winter to a brighter, heart-warming and happier summer!
Have been wanting to go for a run..sigh..getting fat. OMG!
Well it's already mid July. 2 more days to a significant day which smeared a un-erasable wound in my heart and soul. 20 more days before my course at SIM commerces! Couldn't get into NTU engineering but well, it's alright. SIM's not bad too.. I love the campus lor!!
Hmmm... looking forward to both..and someone else.
Been doing nothing much nowadays. This afternoon went home to pack and clean the master-bed room. Sigh. Washed until my fingers and hands were wrinkled then.
Hopefully, summer will really last longer this time round...
Monday, July 10, 2006
De one with Jielong's belated Birthday
Drizzling
Early morning, i went for a jog. When i was finally done with my hair, it started drizzling just when i was on my way out. Planned yesterday, the gang was meeting to celebrate Jielong's belated birthday over lunch. Stupid EZ link card was experiencing problem. So i decided to take a cab down. I was late anyway.
The biggest shock was when the cab was already on the expressway to Bedok, Loo Wan called me to ask where i was because they were intending to cancel the lunch. As most of the gang couldn't make it. I was super boiled. Thank goodness, we did proceed. Only thing was we went to lunch at Tampines Mall's foodcourt with Loo Wan, Jielong and Kok Sin. Instead of having it at Siclub with the whole gang.
I watched two movies today with seperate people. Watched Silent Hill. Then Re-cycle later in the evening with B. Silent Hill was abit blooding and gross. Re-cycle was not too bad. The movie reminded me to be more environmental friendly and not be wasteful!
B's a really nice person. Charming dimples and really adorable smile when he's surprised or awowed! B did a really sweet thing too. Only thing is B complains i walked too fast and lacks eye-contact.
Well, i realised one more thing about myself recently. Well.. I shall keep this in my heart forever.
Goodnight to all.
Early morning, i went for a jog. When i was finally done with my hair, it started drizzling just when i was on my way out. Planned yesterday, the gang was meeting to celebrate Jielong's belated birthday over lunch. Stupid EZ link card was experiencing problem. So i decided to take a cab down. I was late anyway.
The biggest shock was when the cab was already on the expressway to Bedok, Loo Wan called me to ask where i was because they were intending to cancel the lunch. As most of the gang couldn't make it. I was super boiled. Thank goodness, we did proceed. Only thing was we went to lunch at Tampines Mall's foodcourt with Loo Wan, Jielong and Kok Sin. Instead of having it at Siclub with the whole gang.
I watched two movies today with seperate people. Watched Silent Hill. Then Re-cycle later in the evening with B. Silent Hill was abit blooding and gross. Re-cycle was not too bad. The movie reminded me to be more environmental friendly and not be wasteful!
B's a really nice person. Charming dimples and really adorable smile when he's surprised or awowed! B did a really sweet thing too. Only thing is B complains i walked too fast and lacks eye-contact.
Well, i realised one more thing about myself recently. Well.. I shall keep this in my heart forever.
Goodnight to all.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
De one with Spark of happiness
Emolings
I can't help thinking. Are all these doings of God or fate? That's meant to test me?
If it is, how much more do i have to endure through till I'm able to pass?
Because, i'm really tired...
Happiness are like sparks which rise out of nowhere. It catches my attention and make me glow with joy, amazed by it's beauty and abruptness. Yet, before i manage to retain the warmth, it fades and dissappear into nothing.
I can't help thinking. Are all these doings of God or fate? That's meant to test me?
If it is, how much more do i have to endure through till I'm able to pass?
Because, i'm really tired...
Happiness are like sparks which rise out of nowhere. It catches my attention and make me glow with joy, amazed by it's beauty and abruptness. Yet, before i manage to retain the warmth, it fades and dissappear into nothing.
De one with bad temper
Clear skies
It's Saturday. Weekend, however, i was expected to stay at home all day. My aunt (mama) wend M'sia with uncle. Left ah-ma, Jimson and me at home. Sigh. My cousin, Jasmine went out and daddy was MIA. So only me, the abled-person had to be around.
There's a moment when Jasmine called home. Ah ma woke me up just ot pick up that stupid call. Omg. I was kinda super pissed. I dislike people to talk, irritate me with question within 10 mins after i'm awake. Omg. I sat down, turn on the com.. calmed down. And realised I really have a foul temper. Guessed i inherited this quick-temper from my mother bah. But luckily, it's "compensated" with my nature for beign not-petty and ability to resolve my temper very fast.
Since i was "hibernating" in-house all day. I managed to rush my korean drama. Only watched up till the 2nd last episode, b'coz gotta watch the ending with mama. Hmm.. Yin Xiu went MIA and worked at an unfamiliar mini-mart in Seoul. Seeking revenge for his parents who committed suicide due to company bankruptcy, Zheng Wen Tai executed his plan to cause the director Jiang and the family to lose their share holdings in the company. Causing Director and Jiang Xuan Yu to lose their positions in the Global.
Despite facing pressing issues from Xiu Zhen's parents to rush their engagment, a father suffering from stroke as a result of Wen Tai's conspiracy and constant bad mouthing about Yin Xiu from the mother, Xuan Yu kept searching for Yin Xiu's whereabouts. When both of them finally met, Yin Xiu lied to convince Xuan Yu that all she had done was to cheat he's wealth. Only then, the lost Xuan Yu, agreed to get engaged to Xiu Zhen. While Wen Tai start his open courting efforts towards Yin Xiu.
Xuan Yu got into a fight with some drunkard passer-by, resulting him to recover his lost-memories. He finally saw the necklace which was common between him and Yin Xiu, on the engagement day. Xuan Yu, rushed to Dreaming Forest (the place where he used to live in the year of his lost-memory) and reconcile with Yin Xiu.
The lover birds went back to Seoul for Xuan Yu to set up a new firm to win back his share-holdings in Global company and get back at Wen Tai. He developed a new product: Soft flooring, under the strike of guiness from Yin Xiu.
:: I weeped lah... on the scene where Xuan Yu and Yin Xui clear their doubts and reconcile in front of the tree-house letter-box. Xuan Yu learning and appreciating Yin Xiu's hidden sufferings. It was really very touching. Sigh. I was always suffering in silence. I did so much too..for all my exes. Why my fairytale all turned out to be tragedies?
Sigh.. Don't care liao. I wanna be happier from now onwards!
It's Saturday. Weekend, however, i was expected to stay at home all day. My aunt (mama) wend M'sia with uncle. Left ah-ma, Jimson and me at home. Sigh. My cousin, Jasmine went out and daddy was MIA. So only me, the abled-person had to be around.
There's a moment when Jasmine called home. Ah ma woke me up just ot pick up that stupid call. Omg. I was kinda super pissed. I dislike people to talk, irritate me with question within 10 mins after i'm awake. Omg. I sat down, turn on the com.. calmed down. And realised I really have a foul temper. Guessed i inherited this quick-temper from my mother bah. But luckily, it's "compensated" with my nature for beign not-petty and ability to resolve my temper very fast.
Since i was "hibernating" in-house all day. I managed to rush my korean drama. Only watched up till the 2nd last episode, b'coz gotta watch the ending with mama. Hmm.. Yin Xiu went MIA and worked at an unfamiliar mini-mart in Seoul. Seeking revenge for his parents who committed suicide due to company bankruptcy, Zheng Wen Tai executed his plan to cause the director Jiang and the family to lose their share holdings in the company. Causing Director and Jiang Xuan Yu to lose their positions in the Global.
Despite facing pressing issues from Xiu Zhen's parents to rush their engagment, a father suffering from stroke as a result of Wen Tai's conspiracy and constant bad mouthing about Yin Xiu from the mother, Xuan Yu kept searching for Yin Xiu's whereabouts. When both of them finally met, Yin Xiu lied to convince Xuan Yu that all she had done was to cheat he's wealth. Only then, the lost Xuan Yu, agreed to get engaged to Xiu Zhen. While Wen Tai start his open courting efforts towards Yin Xiu.
Xuan Yu got into a fight with some drunkard passer-by, resulting him to recover his lost-memories. He finally saw the necklace which was common between him and Yin Xiu, on the engagement day. Xuan Yu, rushed to Dreaming Forest (the place where he used to live in the year of his lost-memory) and reconcile with Yin Xiu.
The lover birds went back to Seoul for Xuan Yu to set up a new firm to win back his share-holdings in Global company and get back at Wen Tai. He developed a new product: Soft flooring, under the strike of guiness from Yin Xiu.
:: I weeped lah... on the scene where Xuan Yu and Yin Xui clear their doubts and reconcile in front of the tree-house letter-box. Xuan Yu learning and appreciating Yin Xiu's hidden sufferings. It was really very touching. Sigh. I was always suffering in silence. I did so much too..for all my exes. Why my fairytale all turned out to be tragedies?
Sigh.. Don't care liao. I wanna be happier from now onwards!
De one with "Emolings"
Emolings
The day before, I met good-friend-to-be Vance, Andrew, Jeffrey and Winson for dinner. Vance talked to me on our way through Marina Square. He advised me to blog all my miserable feelings.
So.. I've decided to come up with Emolings.
Don't understand what it means right?
Do let me explain some Jason mathematics here.
Emotions (mind) + Feelings (heart) = Emolings.
To further express how i was feeling when i blogged the entry for that day, I've differentiated with colours.
It's true about what some people might say. When a son finds a woman he loves. The part of his heart, which was formally reserved for the mother, will be replaced by the girlfriend. Why suddenly talk about this?
Well, I was watching korean drama, Save the Last Dance for Me. The story progress: Yin Xiu worked at Global, the company which her former fiance, Ji Yi (now Xuan Yu) is working. With the help of Assistant director, her good friend and colleague. Yin Xiu's endurance against all odds and countless bullies by her female colleagues, was finally paid off. Xuan Yu, who initially tried very hard to dislike Yin Xiu upon realising he's growing affection for her, despite him having yet to recover his past year's memory. Just a week before Xuan Yu and his childhood lover, Xiu Zhen's engagement, Xuan Yu brought up a break up. Unable to let go of her love, Xiu Zhen resort to extreme measures to keep Xuan Yu by her side. Sadly, Xuan Yu's father, had a negiotiation with Yin Xiu. Offering her more money to request her to leave their son. Despite similar failed attempts made by Xuan Yu's mom previously. Yin Xiu, after seeing and understand that their love will cause Xuan Yu his future and everyone else to be unhappy, finally agreed to give up her relationship.
Oki..enough. There's this part, when the mom was talking to Yin Xiu, about asking her to leave Xuan Yu. Xuan Yu rushed to the scene an reprimanded his mom over his gf. Sigh. This made me recall.. I chose to spend the last night before i left for Thailand for fatep. End up, missing the very last chance to see my mummy ever again.
Yesterday night, I was really down. I agree fully to what Vance had consoled me when i was heartbroken for months. Most of the time, the person you like may not be interested in you. I was really crying aloud in my heart. I started to question my agony again. Is it really true that i'm not good enough for anybody.. to be able to sitr their hearts for me?
The day before, I met good-friend-to-be Vance, Andrew, Jeffrey and Winson for dinner. Vance talked to me on our way through Marina Square. He advised me to blog all my miserable feelings.
So.. I've decided to come up with Emolings.
Don't understand what it means right?
Do let me explain some Jason mathematics here.
Emotions (mind) + Feelings (heart) = Emolings.
To further express how i was feeling when i blogged the entry for that day, I've differentiated with colours.
It's true about what some people might say. When a son finds a woman he loves. The part of his heart, which was formally reserved for the mother, will be replaced by the girlfriend. Why suddenly talk about this?
Well, I was watching korean drama, Save the Last Dance for Me. The story progress: Yin Xiu worked at Global, the company which her former fiance, Ji Yi (now Xuan Yu) is working. With the help of Assistant director, her good friend and colleague. Yin Xiu's endurance against all odds and countless bullies by her female colleagues, was finally paid off. Xuan Yu, who initially tried very hard to dislike Yin Xiu upon realising he's growing affection for her, despite him having yet to recover his past year's memory. Just a week before Xuan Yu and his childhood lover, Xiu Zhen's engagement, Xuan Yu brought up a break up. Unable to let go of her love, Xiu Zhen resort to extreme measures to keep Xuan Yu by her side. Sadly, Xuan Yu's father, had a negiotiation with Yin Xiu. Offering her more money to request her to leave their son. Despite similar failed attempts made by Xuan Yu's mom previously. Yin Xiu, after seeing and understand that their love will cause Xuan Yu his future and everyone else to be unhappy, finally agreed to give up her relationship.
Oki..enough. There's this part, when the mom was talking to Yin Xiu, about asking her to leave Xuan Yu. Xuan Yu rushed to the scene an reprimanded his mom over his gf. Sigh. This made me recall.. I chose to spend the last night before i left for Thailand for fatep. End up, missing the very last chance to see my mummy ever again.
Yesterday night, I was really down. I agree fully to what Vance had consoled me when i was heartbroken for months. Most of the time, the person you like may not be interested in you. I was really crying aloud in my heart. I started to question my agony again. Is it really true that i'm not good enough for anybody.. to be able to sitr their hearts for me?
Friday, July 07, 2006
De one with Sadness wins the day
Warm and fine skies
It didn't matter anymore. Early afternoon, i finally completed my 950 pieces-puzzle after two days of hardwork. Kinda happy and proud about it. Remembered last time, i love fixing jigsaw puzzles under the influence of my mummy. I recall i'll always fix those which are more prominent and easier-to-fix. Then i'll leave those difficult background for my mummy to settle. Well... Guess i inherited her skill for fixing puzzle now. All on my own.
Was kinda shocked that i discovered i was missing one piece upon using up all my reservior of pieces which are not fixed. As a result, my aunt and granny were "activated" to search for the miserable missing piece. Thankfully, I managed to retrieve it. Must have dropped it when i was sorting out the night before.
It didn't matter anymore. I received my letter from NTU today. Sigh. Disappointingly, i didn't get in. Sigh. (Nearly cried lah). Immediately, i messaged Chin Yu and Cpt Frida (whom i'm so thankful to, for all the trouble u've been through to help me). Sigh. Thanks to Vance, Mohan and Hilary, who have helped me with composing my appeal letter.
Well, this sad news kinda over extinguish all that i was happy about. Sigh.
Maybe.. it's karma bah. I supposed i'm punished for all the sins and wrongs i've committed.
No choice lor.. SIM, here i come.
It didn't matter anymore. Early afternoon, i finally completed my 950 pieces-puzzle after two days of hardwork. Kinda happy and proud about it. Remembered last time, i love fixing jigsaw puzzles under the influence of my mummy. I recall i'll always fix those which are more prominent and easier-to-fix. Then i'll leave those difficult background for my mummy to settle. Well... Guess i inherited her skill for fixing puzzle now. All on my own.
Was kinda shocked that i discovered i was missing one piece upon using up all my reservior of pieces which are not fixed. As a result, my aunt and granny were "activated" to search for the miserable missing piece. Thankfully, I managed to retrieve it. Must have dropped it when i was sorting out the night before.
It didn't matter anymore. I received my letter from NTU today. Sigh. Disappointingly, i didn't get in. Sigh. (Nearly cried lah). Immediately, i messaged Chin Yu and Cpt Frida (whom i'm so thankful to, for all the trouble u've been through to help me). Sigh. Thanks to Vance, Mohan and Hilary, who have helped me with composing my appeal letter.
Well, this sad news kinda over extinguish all that i was happy about. Sigh.
Maybe.. it's karma bah. I supposed i'm punished for all the sins and wrongs i've committed.
No choice lor.. SIM, here i come.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
De one with Weights and Arms-ache
Drizzle and showers
It's been drizzling the whole day. Sigh. My jogging plan failed again.
Anyway, went Orchard road to jalan jalan with Chin Yu. hehehe! Got a new pair of slippers from NUM. My 12'th pair of sliipers lah!!! OMG! It's the World cup limited edition. Printed Japan in white, on a chocolate coloured base with slippers' stripes in white. Nice!
After that, we went down to Marina Square via mrt. Went to purchase dumbbells. 15kg. Duo bars and seperate weights for a price of $85. hehe..gotta train up liao. I wanna push rating up to 8!!! IPPT's around the corner too.
Here's the sad and disappointing part. Chin Yu wanted to walk around longer. Sigh. It was only then that i realised how stupid i was. Should have only bought the weights on my way home. Sigh. End up, i had to carry the heavy load around all the way to Suntec. My arms became weak lah... I remember i was trying to drink the soup from the sppon and my hand was trembling. Omg. Sigh. Thank Goodness, we only went there to eat. After that, no choice. Took a cab home.
On my way back, I heard a familiar song over the radio. It was titled "Wo zui shen ai de ren shang wo zhui sheng" by Ah-mei and Zhang Yu Sheng. It made me recall abit about how i used to listen to this song when i was heartbroken back then.
Then, my mind settled on -A- again. I thought about two types of SORRY i've ever used in my life. One was out of general politeness, courtesy which i always used. Another was a genuine heartfelt which is the next best alternative to me kneeling down and crying my heart out, begging for forgiveness. Well.. I've always used the 2nd type on all my exes. Sigh. It dawn apon me, that.. I've never had anyone said a deep-heartfelt "sorry" nor do anything for me..
Definately, not from those i really loved except my parents, aunt and granny.
Am i really that un-worthy?
It's been drizzling the whole day. Sigh. My jogging plan failed again.
Anyway, went Orchard road to jalan jalan with Chin Yu. hehehe! Got a new pair of slippers from NUM. My 12'th pair of sliipers lah!!! OMG! It's the World cup limited edition. Printed Japan in white, on a chocolate coloured base with slippers' stripes in white. Nice!
After that, we went down to Marina Square via mrt. Went to purchase dumbbells. 15kg. Duo bars and seperate weights for a price of $85. hehe..gotta train up liao. I wanna push rating up to 8!!! IPPT's around the corner too.
Here's the sad and disappointing part. Chin Yu wanted to walk around longer. Sigh. It was only then that i realised how stupid i was. Should have only bought the weights on my way home. Sigh. End up, i had to carry the heavy load around all the way to Suntec. My arms became weak lah... I remember i was trying to drink the soup from the sppon and my hand was trembling. Omg. Sigh. Thank Goodness, we only went there to eat. After that, no choice. Took a cab home.
On my way back, I heard a familiar song over the radio. It was titled "Wo zui shen ai de ren shang wo zhui sheng" by Ah-mei and Zhang Yu Sheng. It made me recall abit about how i used to listen to this song when i was heartbroken back then.
Then, my mind settled on -A- again. I thought about two types of SORRY i've ever used in my life. One was out of general politeness, courtesy which i always used. Another was a genuine heartfelt which is the next best alternative to me kneeling down and crying my heart out, begging for forgiveness. Well.. I've always used the 2nd type on all my exes. Sigh. It dawn apon me, that.. I've never had anyone said a deep-heartfelt "sorry" nor do anything for me..
Definately, not from those i really loved except my parents, aunt and granny.
Am i really that un-worthy?
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
De one with "A changed Jason"
Warm night
I was watching Save the last dance for me today. The story progess to Xuan Yu (the director's son) recalled his memories after a car accident. Just a short period after he's engagement with Yin Xiu, he returned back to his family. Sigh. Now, another year have past. See what happens next bah.
Well..that's just a sidetrack. I realised i'm changed. I've become less responsible. That's the reason why i get so bored easily. Even to the point I lose concentration more than easier. Sigh. I hate this. It's like defying my responsible nature...
I was watching Save the last dance for me today. The story progess to Xuan Yu (the director's son) recalled his memories after a car accident. Just a short period after he's engagement with Yin Xiu, he returned back to his family. Sigh. Now, another year have past. See what happens next bah.
Well..that's just a sidetrack. I realised i'm changed. I've become less responsible. That's the reason why i get so bored easily. Even to the point I lose concentration more than easier. Sigh. I hate this. It's like defying my responsible nature...
De one with Ear peircings
Windy
I've always wanted to have my left ear peirced. Well..it's true.. Peer pressure during adolescence and media influence have a great impact on the way person "accessories" their looks and appearance.
I remembered I've always been maintaining a goodie-goody, earnest look. Throughout my 10 years of education, earrings were a "NO NO". Firstly, it's going to get troublesome with the school's discipline. Secondly, it will only boast feminity to me. Sigh.
It wasn't until after ORD when i suddenly have the interest in having my ear peirced. Well... perhaps it might be because of the previous long awaited years of being confined by my disciplined environment... or because of vainity desire... Maybe it's because I saw Jay Chou had his ear peirced (which actually turn out to be a magnetic ear stud) in his 11月的萧邦... Or my bestest friend Chin Yu (or even majorly -A-)'s afflence.. To a certain extend, i guess i was too traumatised by the events of misery which made me wanna have changes bah.
Ha! I had my very first peircing done at Plaza Singapura. Went with Chin Yu, after weeks of serious dilematic consideration. Omg. Well, I'd still remembered I was super anxious during my first ear-peircing experience. Kinda trembling when the lady "xia shou". Oooh.. It was after the mere seconds when the burning with numb sensation start to activate. A surge of adreline rush.
My aunt, mummy and granny used to tell me. Guys have their ears peirced because it's a traditional way of making them grown up. To be more matured. Then, my campmate said, once a peircing is done, one's life, fate or destiny would be altered. Life will definatey not be the same as before. Well.. it wasn't much of what they've said. Beforehand, i've already been a rather supersitious about certain stuff like this. Well, it's definately true of personal experience. Life was pretty screwed up after my 1st peircing. So...
The second one was done months later (a couple of weeks back) at Plaza Singapura, again. Same shop. Same person to accoy me. The most significant about this experience was it was "quick and short". Surprisingly, it was compensated with the ringing pain. My tears nearly flowed out. Omg. I don't really know how to express it. However, I did felt something that stirred within me. The best described, the same as how Harry Potter felt when he first held the magic wand meant for him Oops. hehe. Oki. Be more pragmatic. I felt when the peircing was done, it some how triggered a shock in my nervous system. Perhaps my life was changed as though someone'd never be the same again after being electricuted.
Again, Vainity really comes with a deadly price of pain. The most tormenting part of having ear peircing is the fear of not being able to locate the ear-hole when changing your ear studs. Omg. Two very bd experiences occured before. The second was unforgettable! I recalled i spent an agonising 45mins, trying to find my ear-hole. Until "lao zup". My cousin had to help me out.
Wait! Must be wondering how's my life now? It's.. kinda better now. Thankfully. Hehe..
I've always wanted to have my left ear peirced. Well..it's true.. Peer pressure during adolescence and media influence have a great impact on the way person "accessories" their looks and appearance.
I remembered I've always been maintaining a goodie-goody, earnest look. Throughout my 10 years of education, earrings were a "NO NO". Firstly, it's going to get troublesome with the school's discipline. Secondly, it will only boast feminity to me. Sigh.
It wasn't until after ORD when i suddenly have the interest in having my ear peirced. Well... perhaps it might be because of the previous long awaited years of being confined by my disciplined environment... or because of vainity desire... Maybe it's because I saw Jay Chou had his ear peirced (which actually turn out to be a magnetic ear stud) in his 11月的萧邦... Or my bestest friend Chin Yu (or even majorly -A-)'s afflence.. To a certain extend, i guess i was too traumatised by the events of misery which made me wanna have changes bah.
Ha! I had my very first peircing done at Plaza Singapura. Went with Chin Yu, after weeks of serious dilematic consideration. Omg. Well, I'd still remembered I was super anxious during my first ear-peircing experience. Kinda trembling when the lady "xia shou". Oooh.. It was after the mere seconds when the burning with numb sensation start to activate. A surge of adreline rush.
My aunt, mummy and granny used to tell me. Guys have their ears peirced because it's a traditional way of making them grown up. To be more matured. Then, my campmate said, once a peircing is done, one's life, fate or destiny would be altered. Life will definatey not be the same as before. Well.. it wasn't much of what they've said. Beforehand, i've already been a rather supersitious about certain stuff like this. Well, it's definately true of personal experience. Life was pretty screwed up after my 1st peircing. So...
The second one was done months later (a couple of weeks back) at Plaza Singapura, again. Same shop. Same person to accoy me. The most significant about this experience was it was "quick and short". Surprisingly, it was compensated with the ringing pain. My tears nearly flowed out. Omg. I don't really know how to express it. However, I did felt something that stirred within me. The best described, the same as how Harry Potter felt when he first held the magic wand meant for him Oops. hehe. Oki. Be more pragmatic. I felt when the peircing was done, it some how triggered a shock in my nervous system. Perhaps my life was changed as though someone'd never be the same again after being electricuted.
Again, Vainity really comes with a deadly price of pain. The most tormenting part of having ear peircing is the fear of not being able to locate the ear-hole when changing your ear studs. Omg. Two very bd experiences occured before. The second was unforgettable! I recalled i spent an agonising 45mins, trying to find my ear-hole. Until "lao zup". My cousin had to help me out.
Wait! Must be wondering how's my life now? It's.. kinda better now. Thankfully. Hehe..
De one with Beautiful night
Nightful of stars
Clara messaged me that tonight's a really beautiful night. With all the visible twinkle-stars, clear skies. It's a considerably rare ocassion ever since my last time i actually got to sight this beautiful scenery for a very long time. Thanks Clara, for your special way of cheering me up.
I watched the new korean drama, "Save the last dance for me" after seeing it being advertised on Channel U a couple days back. The story line is really nice. So far, the story progesed until the part whereby a rich director's son, who was mugged and presumbly died after a car explosion, is alived after one year. He's in love with this neighbourhood girl. Everything they did was so sweet. Post notes and presents into this house-modelled mailbox, crafted by the male lead. The way they confess their love. The painful yet touching moment of them being seperated by their circumstances. Sigh. Made me sent Clara this sms:
"Itz lik u saw wat happiness ppl haf n u start to feel sour. Plus frustrated y such things wun happen on urself. Itz lik when u c how pitiful others are, den u start 2 relate some (familiar or appropriate) 2 urself. Feeling sad and wonder how lost and alone u r coz no matter how much u do but u dun get wat u deserved (the recognition of wat u did or ur existence). No matter how tough, u realise u dun haf a person who truly understand n care, embrace or protect u... itz bcuz u dun feel being appreciated in life and ppl ard u.. Or nostalgic memories stirred.. Tt tears starts to fall"
..or am I just being too over emotional or unneccessarily sensitive?
Perhaps it's supposedly due to this morning's visit to the temple for commemoration of Mummy's Lunar one year death anniversary bah. Prepared by laying out the food: White Chicken, Braised Pork, Braised Char Siew, Huaw Kuay, Pig's Trotter and Bah Kuuh Teh, Coffee, Plain rice, Assorted fruit (I recognised this "flatten Japanese Peach", similar to the one in Memoirs of Geisha where Saiyuri gave out to symbolise her Mizuake's ready for bidding).
Before keeping everything, we went down to have all the boxes "of wealth" and incense paper burnt.
Mummy, do rest in peace. Thank you for everything. I miss you beyond description, from within what's leftover of my heart...
Clara messaged me that tonight's a really beautiful night. With all the visible twinkle-stars, clear skies. It's a considerably rare ocassion ever since my last time i actually got to sight this beautiful scenery for a very long time. Thanks Clara, for your special way of cheering me up.
I watched the new korean drama, "Save the last dance for me" after seeing it being advertised on Channel U a couple days back. The story line is really nice. So far, the story progesed until the part whereby a rich director's son, who was mugged and presumbly died after a car explosion, is alived after one year. He's in love with this neighbourhood girl. Everything they did was so sweet. Post notes and presents into this house-modelled mailbox, crafted by the male lead. The way they confess their love. The painful yet touching moment of them being seperated by their circumstances. Sigh. Made me sent Clara this sms:
"Itz lik u saw wat happiness ppl haf n u start to feel sour. Plus frustrated y such things wun happen on urself. Itz lik when u c how pitiful others are, den u start 2 relate some (familiar or appropriate) 2 urself. Feeling sad and wonder how lost and alone u r coz no matter how much u do but u dun get wat u deserved (the recognition of wat u did or ur existence). No matter how tough, u realise u dun haf a person who truly understand n care, embrace or protect u... itz bcuz u dun feel being appreciated in life and ppl ard u.. Or nostalgic memories stirred.. Tt tears starts to fall"
..or am I just being too over emotional or unneccessarily sensitive?
Perhaps it's supposedly due to this morning's visit to the temple for commemoration of Mummy's Lunar one year death anniversary bah. Prepared by laying out the food: White Chicken, Braised Pork, Braised Char Siew, Huaw Kuay, Pig's Trotter and Bah Kuuh Teh, Coffee, Plain rice, Assorted fruit (I recognised this "flatten Japanese Peach", similar to the one in Memoirs of Geisha where Saiyuri gave out to symbolise her Mizuake's ready for bidding).
Before keeping everything, we went down to have all the boxes "of wealth" and incense paper burnt.
Mummy, do rest in peace. Thank you for everything. I miss you beyond description, from within what's leftover of my heart...
Sunday, July 02, 2006
De one with Faraway Happiness
Cloudy, warm
Early woke up to run around 5 km before meeting "bro" and Andrew for swim. Apparently, both didn't turn out well as expected. Why? Coz' running, i'm losing my stamina. Even before the swim, i pissed "bro" with my sms-es. During the swim, "bro" didn't even talk to me. Sigh.
There was this moment, i finished a lap, memories of my previous ex-es, suddenly flashed through my mind, as if a movie of shortclips was showing. It was then i nearly broke down again.
I kinda made things clear with AY yesterday. However, AY still wanted to try. Sigh. I really don't wanna hurt anybody. It's undoubtful that i really need to seek shelter in the arms of a person to love me. However, i'm still hesitating. I really have no idea when is this going to end.
I'm losing faith too.
We lunched at Cafe Cartel. Treated them both. We then walked around J8. Woo..feeding my eyes full with all the eye-candies. Omg.
Tomorrow will be a day of tears and sadness bah.. Because my aunt is going to ceremony (lunar) one year anniversary of my late mother's death.
*sniffs*
Early woke up to run around 5 km before meeting "bro" and Andrew for swim. Apparently, both didn't turn out well as expected. Why? Coz' running, i'm losing my stamina. Even before the swim, i pissed "bro" with my sms-es. During the swim, "bro" didn't even talk to me. Sigh.
There was this moment, i finished a lap, memories of my previous ex-es, suddenly flashed through my mind, as if a movie of shortclips was showing. It was then i nearly broke down again.
I kinda made things clear with AY yesterday. However, AY still wanted to try. Sigh. I really don't wanna hurt anybody. It's undoubtful that i really need to seek shelter in the arms of a person to love me. However, i'm still hesitating. I really have no idea when is this going to end.
I'm losing faith too.
We lunched at Cafe Cartel. Treated them both. We then walked around J8. Woo..feeding my eyes full with all the eye-candies. Omg.
Tomorrow will be a day of tears and sadness bah.. Because my aunt is going to ceremony (lunar) one year anniversary of my late mother's death.
*sniffs*
Friday, June 30, 2006
De one with "I understand how you felt" finally
Sunny
Since yesterday, i've been thinking.. about the failed relationship, opposing differences and feelings, thinkings between me and -A-. But, most of all, i'd really sincerely, apologise to AY. I really think you're a very nice and wonderful person. However, i still can't sort out my feelings. Like you've said, i'm really stuck in my past.
Although everyone would advise or even to a point, reprimand me to move on. No matter how much excuses or whatever pushing pursuasions, my tears still keeps flowing... heart keeps bleeding... mind keeps blurring up. Reason is one and simple... I really did love -A- alot.
I admit some of the things i've done were very stubborn and persistent. I admit I was too rash. I admit I was too foolish and gullible to go against our odds. But have you ever asked WHY?
Today, i went IKEA with my former campmate, our responsible and friendly gunnery specialist, Zhen Ze. After having went down to SIM (Singapore Institution of Management) for payment for our uni course. Which will be commencing on 31st July.
Everytime i went IKEA, flashbacks emerge in my mind. How we met your friends Derius and Kelly. That time we dine with Chris, V and gang... Lunch with Dexter.. Sigh.. I was on the bus, on my way back home. Listening to ipod but me mind was wondering off. I thought of the present lonely me... about our past.. I nearly cried. What the fark is wrong with me.
I shouldn't be doing all these. Shdn't even mention because I was too caught up, too obstinate.
Now, I understand how you felt finally.
How you used to like a person. Then after that draw your distance between them. You don't wish to hurt the person. Yet he's so superbly nice to you that you don't know how to reject.
I understand how you felt finally.
-A-, I love you. As much as I dislike you. Because... you disregarded and forsakened me.
Since yesterday, i've been thinking.. about the failed relationship, opposing differences and feelings, thinkings between me and -A-. But, most of all, i'd really sincerely, apologise to AY. I really think you're a very nice and wonderful person. However, i still can't sort out my feelings. Like you've said, i'm really stuck in my past.
Although everyone would advise or even to a point, reprimand me to move on. No matter how much excuses or whatever pushing pursuasions, my tears still keeps flowing... heart keeps bleeding... mind keeps blurring up. Reason is one and simple... I really did love -A- alot.
I admit some of the things i've done were very stubborn and persistent. I admit I was too rash. I admit I was too foolish and gullible to go against our odds. But have you ever asked WHY?
Today, i went IKEA with my former campmate, our responsible and friendly gunnery specialist, Zhen Ze. After having went down to SIM (Singapore Institution of Management) for payment for our uni course. Which will be commencing on 31st July.
Everytime i went IKEA, flashbacks emerge in my mind. How we met your friends Derius and Kelly. That time we dine with Chris, V and gang... Lunch with Dexter.. Sigh.. I was on the bus, on my way back home. Listening to ipod but me mind was wondering off. I thought of the present lonely me... about our past.. I nearly cried. What the fark is wrong with me.
I shouldn't be doing all these. Shdn't even mention because I was too caught up, too obstinate.
Now, I understand how you felt finally.
How you used to like a person. Then after that draw your distance between them. You don't wish to hurt the person. Yet he's so superbly nice to you that you don't know how to reject.
I understand how you felt finally.
-A-, I love you. As much as I dislike you. Because... you disregarded and forsakened me.
De one with Superman Returns
Clear skies
This evening, i went to watch "Superman Returns" with AY. The lastest movie released just today.It's pretty cool. Alot of zoom in and zoom out, fascinating fast movement and filming effects. However, I felt the storyline wasn't that good.
The movie starts with Clark Kent, a teenager was sent to Earth in a crytallised porter by his alien father whose planet was doomed. He grew up in the farm where an old couple brought up Superman. The grown up Clark Kent was re-employed by his former newspaper firm. Throughout, it was dwelling between the bad mastermind, who discovered these powerful crystals left behind by Superman's father; unresolved relationship between a married Lois Lane and Superman; and of course, not forgetting Superman and his helpful deeds.
Gosh. Superman was goodlooking (omg, those brillant deep blue eyes), invincible. Tall framed but not that muscular. Although it's commendable of his rubber-bricked costume. Yet still not changes made to that ugly red briefs. hehe
Lois Lane wasn't so sexy nor intelligent looking... Sigh.
Oh, lame thing was that Superman was near dying towards the end of the part. There was a funny part the surgeon wanted to give a jab. End up, the syringe needle went bent. Hahaha!
I thought alot.. about me and AY. Just only 2nd day of dating. End up, i told AY that I can only give what i have and can give. However, i can't give a fully committed heart to accept AY as my lover. Sigh. Don't know. For a moment, i thought getting dating and attached with someone i love is what i truly wanted. That from which i'll be able to attain happiness. I was wrong. End up, rejecting 4 people liao, regardless directly or discreetly.
Sigh. I'm really like Superman. So closed to the one you have feelings for. Yet, you just have to let that special someone go.
And i truly understand what -A- meant when -A- said: "You can't determine what will happen in the future. Be it tomorrow, a month later..a few years later.."
:: You have to be the one saying it, to understand it's true meaning completely.
When will my Superwoman/Superman comes around and stay with me for life?
This evening, i went to watch "Superman Returns" with AY. The lastest movie released just today.It's pretty cool. Alot of zoom in and zoom out, fascinating fast movement and filming effects. However, I felt the storyline wasn't that good.
The movie starts with Clark Kent, a teenager was sent to Earth in a crytallised porter by his alien father whose planet was doomed. He grew up in the farm where an old couple brought up Superman. The grown up Clark Kent was re-employed by his former newspaper firm. Throughout, it was dwelling between the bad mastermind, who discovered these powerful crystals left behind by Superman's father; unresolved relationship between a married Lois Lane and Superman; and of course, not forgetting Superman and his helpful deeds.
Gosh. Superman was goodlooking (omg, those brillant deep blue eyes), invincible. Tall framed but not that muscular. Although it's commendable of his rubber-bricked costume. Yet still not changes made to that ugly red briefs. hehe
Lois Lane wasn't so sexy nor intelligent looking... Sigh.
Oh, lame thing was that Superman was near dying towards the end of the part. There was a funny part the surgeon wanted to give a jab. End up, the syringe needle went bent. Hahaha!
I thought alot.. about me and AY. Just only 2nd day of dating. End up, i told AY that I can only give what i have and can give. However, i can't give a fully committed heart to accept AY as my lover. Sigh. Don't know. For a moment, i thought getting dating and attached with someone i love is what i truly wanted. That from which i'll be able to attain happiness. I was wrong. End up, rejecting 4 people liao, regardless directly or discreetly.
Sigh. I'm really like Superman. So closed to the one you have feelings for. Yet, you just have to let that special someone go.
And i truly understand what -A- meant when -A- said: "You can't determine what will happen in the future. Be it tomorrow, a month later..a few years later.."
:: You have to be the one saying it, to understand it's true meaning completely.
When will my Superwoman/Superman comes around and stay with me for life?
Thursday, June 29, 2006
De one with Both Sides of Luck
Fair, sunny and romantic clouds
As early as 0630hrs i was commencing reveilli. HEHE! so proud of myself.
Well, sms-ed alot of friends, wishing them good morning. Everyone was surprised over me waking up so early. Initially, i woke up so early to help mama bring Jimson (my younger brother) to school. Had to transport him on his wheelchair, down the 4 flights of stairs.
End up, uncle brought him down. I felt..redundant : Plan A demolished!
After changed, i gathered my essential stuff and headed off to Mac Rictchie Reservoir.
Accomplishment of 7km run, routine excercises and cool-down, only let to a demoralising next happening! Omg! my locker got stuck!
At first i tried not to panic although at the back of my mind, I can't help thinking about the unluckiness featured in "Just my Luck" movie I've just watched yesterday. Sigh. What are the odds that such unluckiness can befall on me!
Sadly, it did. I went searching for the park Office. Finally got there after climbing up-slope, only to get directed to the "canteen" caretaker. Sigh~ Made a total of 5 trips (including returning of the RD-40 cleansing spray which made it possible) for my locker to be unlocked. Omg.
Afternoon met up my good friend, Mohan Gopalan. A very close friend since i've known through ASC course. He was formerly from the same SISPEC foxtrot coy; ASC detachment mate and later, Battalion mate. Went Citylink to collect my NUM membership card (YES! a new card for my collection!). Followed by, jalan jalan at Suntec, coffee-chat, then reap our share of GSS at Orchard. After which we dined at TCC after so long! Yummy...
At night, i finally met up with AY. Someone i got to know recently from the net, just 3-4 days ago. Well... it was an unexpected change of Luck. At last, for once, another spark of hope is beginning to rise in my life. Thank Fate and God...and maybe Luck.
*blush*
Phew~ Experienced both sides of luck in a day. Wonderful =P
As early as 0630hrs i was commencing reveilli. HEHE! so proud of myself.
Well, sms-ed alot of friends, wishing them good morning. Everyone was surprised over me waking up so early. Initially, i woke up so early to help mama bring Jimson (my younger brother) to school. Had to transport him on his wheelchair, down the 4 flights of stairs.
End up, uncle brought him down. I felt..redundant : Plan A demolished!
After changed, i gathered my essential stuff and headed off to Mac Rictchie Reservoir.
Accomplishment of 7km run, routine excercises and cool-down, only let to a demoralising next happening! Omg! my locker got stuck!
At first i tried not to panic although at the back of my mind, I can't help thinking about the unluckiness featured in "Just my Luck" movie I've just watched yesterday. Sigh. What are the odds that such unluckiness can befall on me!
Sadly, it did. I went searching for the park Office. Finally got there after climbing up-slope, only to get directed to the "canteen" caretaker. Sigh~ Made a total of 5 trips (including returning of the RD-40 cleansing spray which made it possible) for my locker to be unlocked. Omg.
Afternoon met up my good friend, Mohan Gopalan. A very close friend since i've known through ASC course. He was formerly from the same SISPEC foxtrot coy; ASC detachment mate and later, Battalion mate. Went Citylink to collect my NUM membership card (YES! a new card for my collection!). Followed by, jalan jalan at Suntec, coffee-chat, then reap our share of GSS at Orchard. After which we dined at TCC after so long! Yummy...
At night, i finally met up with AY. Someone i got to know recently from the net, just 3-4 days ago. Well... it was an unexpected change of Luck. At last, for once, another spark of hope is beginning to rise in my life. Thank Fate and God...and maybe Luck.
*blush*
Phew~ Experienced both sides of luck in a day. Wonderful =P
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
De one with Facial
Sunny
Went for facial at Anna's new shop in AMK central this afternoon. After what? almost 11 mths since my last visit.. Was in a hurry, so took a cab down. Sigh! end up still gotta wait upon reaching there.
Well, the new place's really great. With marbled floor, air-conditioned and they even play calming music, the lighting, deco and everything..really made the whole place like some high-class spa.
So lucky! got offered to get my facial in the most spaceous room. Hmm..wanna know what was my facial like? hehe.. 1st: they washed and cleanse my face with some chemical which smells like calamasi and dry orange peels. Was told it's supposedly to cause "biting" effect when applied. However i felt nothing ley!
2nd: Followed was the "face steaming" by a hot vapouriser machine. I guess it's to open my pores. But thanks to this! Helped me last through the painfulness from 3rd: Treatment of pimples and blackheads!!
Super painful! According to Anna, she said there's alot of "hidden" clog pores. Thus, she used more strength to force these impurities out of my skin. That's the part which cause my face to be sore as if someone drew "poker-dots" onto my cheeks.
After Anna was done, i was so relieved lah!
Thankfully the painful experience was compensated with the next 4th phase, whereby a cooling mask was done.
After mask removal and cleansing, Anna applied pimple cream on my face. Followed by some gel and a "cooling" treatment. She used this ball (like those baby probe-toy) equipment which is filled with cold water and rubbed against my face.
Before i left, she even used this UV probe to "zap" my face. I supposed it was to prevent soreness and infection. Well well, the whole facial experience was painful but great. Not cheap wor! Vainity caused me 62 bucks!
What to do?... face getting buang!
Evening, supposedly meeting Andrew and "bro" for dinner. However, last minute "bro" was unable to make it due to family dinner. End up i still met up with Andrew for dinner and movie!
Watched "Just My Luck" and i really wonder, wuao! How i wish i was half as lucky as the characters were. Everything in life happen so smoothly and successful.. What a desirable life!
Hmm.. of course, i do understand. Nothing in this world is completely wonderful and free. You can be lucky but you still have to return in other ways.
Went for facial at Anna's new shop in AMK central this afternoon. After what? almost 11 mths since my last visit.. Was in a hurry, so took a cab down. Sigh! end up still gotta wait upon reaching there.
Well, the new place's really great. With marbled floor, air-conditioned and they even play calming music, the lighting, deco and everything..really made the whole place like some high-class spa.
So lucky! got offered to get my facial in the most spaceous room. Hmm..wanna know what was my facial like? hehe.. 1st: they washed and cleanse my face with some chemical which smells like calamasi and dry orange peels. Was told it's supposedly to cause "biting" effect when applied. However i felt nothing ley!
2nd: Followed was the "face steaming" by a hot vapouriser machine. I guess it's to open my pores. But thanks to this! Helped me last through the painfulness from 3rd: Treatment of pimples and blackheads!!
Super painful! According to Anna, she said there's alot of "hidden" clog pores. Thus, she used more strength to force these impurities out of my skin. That's the part which cause my face to be sore as if someone drew "poker-dots" onto my cheeks.
After Anna was done, i was so relieved lah!
Thankfully the painful experience was compensated with the next 4th phase, whereby a cooling mask was done.
After mask removal and cleansing, Anna applied pimple cream on my face. Followed by some gel and a "cooling" treatment. She used this ball (like those baby probe-toy) equipment which is filled with cold water and rubbed against my face.
Before i left, she even used this UV probe to "zap" my face. I supposed it was to prevent soreness and infection. Well well, the whole facial experience was painful but great. Not cheap wor! Vainity caused me 62 bucks!
What to do?... face getting buang!
Evening, supposedly meeting Andrew and "bro" for dinner. However, last minute "bro" was unable to make it due to family dinner. End up i still met up with Andrew for dinner and movie!
Watched "Just My Luck" and i really wonder, wuao! How i wish i was half as lucky as the characters were. Everything in life happen so smoothly and successful.. What a desirable life!
Hmm.. of course, i do understand. Nothing in this world is completely wonderful and free. You can be lucky but you still have to return in other ways.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
De one with Class reunion'06 (color-coded edition)
Sunny
The day didn't start off very good. Early morning i did a very unforgivable thing. I was pretty rude to my granny, who was asking me alot of questions (because i was damn pissed with not being able to contact my dad at home, to inform him of the new timing about our meeting at Ang Mo Kio Centre). Sorry, ah-ma. I really didn't mean to be so rude towards you. I never say it out but in my heart and mind. I understand and appreciate your genuine, affectious care and concern over us, beyond words to describe.
I was super pissed with my daddy. Early morning didn't know where he's gone. I arrived, as agreed between my cousin Jasmine and me, at 1030 am. Only to have to wait for my daddy, who only rushed to AMK to meet us from ah-ma's house. Super dupper pissed because all along, i've been asking him to carry a hp. Reason being, it will be convinent to call and contact him since he always goes MIA. Sigh. I was cursing and swearing throughtout my wait at the bus-stop in front of Jubilee.
We went to the former "BK building". In hope for an available chance to see the lawyer at HOH law firm, to settle the letter of administration for my late-mother's assets. The only available and most convinent time for us (Daddy's and Jasmine's working mah) was during weekends. Sadly, the law firm doesn't offer any booking of appoinment over weekends. So we had to go down personally to try by luck. In the end, we didn't manage to get a slot because all were already occupied by other "walk-in" clients. Well, fixed a date where both Daddy and Jasmine were able to take leave, specially during a Friday. So irritating and annoyed. What a wasted trip!
We then lunched at Crystal Jade Resturant at J8. Had the normal dim sum and noodles. Sigh..the variety of dim sum were so limited. Omg.
The next bad thing occurred after having returned to granny's place. I was changing my newly peirced earring (3 days ago). So super dupper unlucky that i couldn't find the ear-hole. Sigh.. tried damn super long, end up my ear hole lao zup! Omg. I was in so much distress until Jasmine has to come help me. End up, using the initial earring, i think i re-peirced, creating another hole, off-side from the original position at the back of my ear. Sigh!
Vanity really comes with a dreadful price of pain!!
Went jogging. My 3rd consecutive day of jogging. Sigh..what to do...getting fat!
I was disappointed because i feel that i'm unable to complete the distance i've planned. Guess i'm really losing alot of stamina. Running shorter and shorter distance per run.
The greatest unpleasant event of the day was the finale Class reunion at Marina Square Seoul Garden. First thing, i was super late. Meet initially at 6pm. End up arriving only at 7pm. Omg.
Second, i was super bored when everyone elses are talking and catching up with one another. Talking about local uni admission, faculty fun-camps. Sigh.. all of which i have no participation in.
That's when the Mr. Lonely song starts to play in my head...
On my way home in the bus. I start to think. I even messaged Clara. I realise whatever -A- said about me were true. Matter of fact is i'm a very anti-social person. Who doesn't like to talk, share conversation. I'm so "pathetic" until i'm able to make others feel they are unable to strike any conversation with me. End up, i just sit there and "stone".
That's why, this will forever be the distance between -A- & me, which makes it impossible for us to be lovers.
(Sobs)
Worst is, i know where the problem lies within me. Yet, all i do is whine, complain and sigh over it. Reluctant to do anything about it.
-A- said before.. "You make urself look bad in front of others. Not me."
It's all true...
What a big farking Loser Jason is... I hate myself (jtshin~ban)...
:'<
The day didn't start off very good. Early morning i did a very unforgivable thing. I was pretty rude to my granny, who was asking me alot of questions (because i was damn pissed with not being able to contact my dad at home, to inform him of the new timing about our meeting at Ang Mo Kio Centre). Sorry, ah-ma. I really didn't mean to be so rude towards you. I never say it out but in my heart and mind. I understand and appreciate your genuine, affectious care and concern over us, beyond words to describe.
I was super pissed with my daddy. Early morning didn't know where he's gone. I arrived, as agreed between my cousin Jasmine and me, at 1030 am. Only to have to wait for my daddy, who only rushed to AMK to meet us from ah-ma's house. Super dupper pissed because all along, i've been asking him to carry a hp. Reason being, it will be convinent to call and contact him since he always goes MIA. Sigh. I was cursing and swearing throughtout my wait at the bus-stop in front of Jubilee.
We went to the former "BK building". In hope for an available chance to see the lawyer at HOH law firm, to settle the letter of administration for my late-mother's assets. The only available and most convinent time for us (Daddy's and Jasmine's working mah) was during weekends. Sadly, the law firm doesn't offer any booking of appoinment over weekends. So we had to go down personally to try by luck. In the end, we didn't manage to get a slot because all were already occupied by other "walk-in" clients. Well, fixed a date where both Daddy and Jasmine were able to take leave, specially during a Friday. So irritating and annoyed. What a wasted trip!
We then lunched at Crystal Jade Resturant at J8. Had the normal dim sum and noodles. Sigh..the variety of dim sum were so limited. Omg.
The next bad thing occurred after having returned to granny's place. I was changing my newly peirced earring (3 days ago). So super dupper unlucky that i couldn't find the ear-hole. Sigh.. tried damn super long, end up my ear hole lao zup! Omg. I was in so much distress until Jasmine has to come help me. End up, using the initial earring, i think i re-peirced, creating another hole, off-side from the original position at the back of my ear. Sigh!
Vanity really comes with a dreadful price of pain!!
Went jogging. My 3rd consecutive day of jogging. Sigh..what to do...getting fat!
I was disappointed because i feel that i'm unable to complete the distance i've planned. Guess i'm really losing alot of stamina. Running shorter and shorter distance per run.
The greatest unpleasant event of the day was the finale Class reunion at Marina Square Seoul Garden. First thing, i was super late. Meet initially at 6pm. End up arriving only at 7pm. Omg.
Second, i was super bored when everyone elses are talking and catching up with one another. Talking about local uni admission, faculty fun-camps. Sigh.. all of which i have no participation in.
That's when the Mr. Lonely song starts to play in my head...
On my way home in the bus. I start to think. I even messaged Clara. I realise whatever -A- said about me were true. Matter of fact is i'm a very anti-social person. Who doesn't like to talk, share conversation. I'm so "pathetic" until i'm able to make others feel they are unable to strike any conversation with me. End up, i just sit there and "stone".
That's why, this will forever be the distance between -A- & me, which makes it impossible for us to be lovers.
(Sobs)
Worst is, i know where the problem lies within me. Yet, all i do is whine, complain and sigh over it. Reluctant to do anything about it.
-A- said before.. "You make urself look bad in front of others. Not me."
It's all true...
What a big farking Loser Jason is... I hate myself (jtshin~ban)...
:'<
De one with "I still miss you"
3/4 of rain, 1/4 of me
Today's just another day for me. Waking up in the morning, giving some thoughts to that special someone i've been missing. Despite it's already been 2 mths plus since our final parting.
The morning wet weather was a spolit to my initial plan of going for jog and hopeful, leisure swim and suntanning. Instead, i stayed indoors. Having my hair dyed DIY. End product? looks oki. Stunning red hair! Kinda pleased by it. Disappointingl, i was thinking that maybe it'd been better if i had more sun-kissed skin tone to match my reddish hair. Well, make do with it lor.
Afternoon went how to tidy up my house with mama (my aunt). There were so much to clear. In the milst, i came across this photo of my late-mum, in her early 20s. She look kinda pretty. Well, that's not the part about it. More significantly, it's bringing tears and memories of her gone.
Oki.. (phew..)
Came back to granny's house around 3pm. Went jogging straight away (getting fat liao). After that rushed down Plaza Singapura to meet my super-good-friend, Edwin. I was super late. Omg. Oops. Sorry.
We dined at the Glass House since poor Edwin has never been to Fish n Co before. Under the recommendation from his friend, he ordered the Swordfish with rice. I had my favourite Fish n Chips. Hmm...he couldn't finish the large serving (2 enormous slice of swordfish!), to be dripped into a sauce which i thought tasted like Thai Chili Oil. But Edwin said there's mango sauce in it.
The swordfish tasted like those fried flat-fish my granny used to cook... salty and fishy. Hehe.
Of course! No match for my Fish n Chips!
Omg. It was damn filling. Sigh.. there goes all my jogging effort in the evening. :'(
After that, we went to watch the 93.3FM 6th Gold Music Awards mini-billboard performance. It stages a segment of all the final 6 terms from Superband (nothing much) and 8 singers, comprising of local singers like Tsui Chun Jia, Kelly Poon, Hong Jun Yang and overseas artistes like Fan, He Yao Sun, Guang Liang, Tank... Ok la.. but unfortunately, it's damn cramped, thereby causing everybody to perspire like crazy. Didn't really concentrate none was I "enthu" over this event. Was just being a super good friend, accoying Edwin since he wanted to watch his favourite Superband live.
Was on my way home when the heart ache releapsed again. Have you ever felt so hurt that your heart feels as if it's bleeding? or it feels as if your whole heart is drenched with tears which just can't flow down ur cheeks? It hurts so much that you wish you're better off dead. It hurts so much you feel so empty in your heart.
Only the sole misery... Desperate desire... Ultimate screaming loneliness... Unexplainable quiet frustration... Frail hope...
Sometimes memories will rush in... triggered by what you saw, listened, smelled, touched..
Sweet memories which will make you feel nostalgic about...
Regretful memories which will burns your cheeks...
Sad memories which will cause you to weep...
I also thought... i'm freaked out.. that i'm aging. I really don't want to be older and realised i don't have someone who loves and be loved by me.
Unknowingly, the feeling of loss sips into the mind. Intrigating a undeniable confused state of mind... a question that's beyond any possible solution. I hate this. I really do.
Today's just another day for me. Waking up in the morning, giving some thoughts to that special someone i've been missing. Despite it's already been 2 mths plus since our final parting.
The morning wet weather was a spolit to my initial plan of going for jog and hopeful, leisure swim and suntanning. Instead, i stayed indoors. Having my hair dyed DIY. End product? looks oki. Stunning red hair! Kinda pleased by it. Disappointingl, i was thinking that maybe it'd been better if i had more sun-kissed skin tone to match my reddish hair. Well, make do with it lor.
Afternoon went how to tidy up my house with mama (my aunt). There were so much to clear. In the milst, i came across this photo of my late-mum, in her early 20s. She look kinda pretty. Well, that's not the part about it. More significantly, it's bringing tears and memories of her gone.
Oki.. (phew..)
Came back to granny's house around 3pm. Went jogging straight away (getting fat liao). After that rushed down Plaza Singapura to meet my super-good-friend, Edwin. I was super late. Omg. Oops. Sorry.
We dined at the Glass House since poor Edwin has never been to Fish n Co before. Under the recommendation from his friend, he ordered the Swordfish with rice. I had my favourite Fish n Chips. Hmm...he couldn't finish the large serving (2 enormous slice of swordfish!), to be dripped into a sauce which i thought tasted like Thai Chili Oil. But Edwin said there's mango sauce in it.
The swordfish tasted like those fried flat-fish my granny used to cook... salty and fishy. Hehe.
Of course! No match for my Fish n Chips!
Omg. It was damn filling. Sigh.. there goes all my jogging effort in the evening. :'(
After that, we went to watch the 93.3FM 6th Gold Music Awards mini-billboard performance. It stages a segment of all the final 6 terms from Superband (nothing much) and 8 singers, comprising of local singers like Tsui Chun Jia, Kelly Poon, Hong Jun Yang and overseas artistes like Fan, He Yao Sun, Guang Liang, Tank... Ok la.. but unfortunately, it's damn cramped, thereby causing everybody to perspire like crazy. Didn't really concentrate none was I "enthu" over this event. Was just being a super good friend, accoying Edwin since he wanted to watch his favourite Superband live.
Was on my way home when the heart ache releapsed again. Have you ever felt so hurt that your heart feels as if it's bleeding? or it feels as if your whole heart is drenched with tears which just can't flow down ur cheeks? It hurts so much that you wish you're better off dead. It hurts so much you feel so empty in your heart.
Only the sole misery... Desperate desire... Ultimate screaming loneliness... Unexplainable quiet frustration... Frail hope...
Sometimes memories will rush in... triggered by what you saw, listened, smelled, touched..
Sweet memories which will make you feel nostalgic about...
Regretful memories which will burns your cheeks...
Sad memories which will cause you to weep...
I also thought... i'm freaked out.. that i'm aging. I really don't want to be older and realised i don't have someone who loves and be loved by me.
Unknowingly, the feeling of loss sips into the mind. Intrigating a undeniable confused state of mind... a question that's beyond any possible solution. I hate this. I really do.
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