SIMPLY READ, INDULGE AND HEARD WITH WORDS

Monday, November 01, 2010

De one with Fallen Ill

Illed

Never occur to me those scallops were either bad or my stomach was incapable of dealing with them. My lunch partners seemed fine and healthy after the meal. Unfortunately, the World War Xth manifested in my stomach and man.. the enzymes troops and hydrochloric team had raised the white flag.

Not only did it ruin my weekly run, it cause other damages like causing me to curl up in bed, feeling all nauseous with an unbearable half-aching, half-rumbling stomach. I must say, this discomfort second to the daunting effects of stomach flu. Both are equally bugging.

I said, this can't be it, I can't waste myself in bed. Since I need to lie down and rest, I'd might as well do it while sunbathing under the bright and sunny weather which was too good to be missed.

Suntan? Ticked. The second part to the tragedy of ill: effects from medication. What had been prescribed was to slow digestion. Supposedly a good thing since it stops the excretion. Bad side? It's too effective. I end up feeling so blotted after frequent hydration after the sunbath. I swear I could feel the liquid leveling itself within the rib-cage guarded "pouch", as though a few styrofoam had been stuffed herein earlier. Urgh. I dislike this sucky unwellness.  =X

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

De one with "Uncle"

What the... 

http://www.sandeepkejriwal.com/illusions.htm
Was waiting at the taxi stand when this little girl, 5-6 years of age, sat too near me and her mother said "Natasha, can you shift yourself towards Mummy. Your legs are kicking korkor ("elder brother" in baby language)."

"He's not korkor! He's uncle!" retorted the young and silly.

The mother was alittle paiseh ("embarrassed" in hokkien). Immediately, she pursue-ly corrected her daughter's casual remark, "He's korkor." The ignorant girl cut in before her mother could finish her sentence: "The man driving the taxi is korkor."

I couldn't help but be amused as I eavesdropped to the mother and daughter conversation. The enjoyment wasn't born of the contents of the conversation. Rather, it was the imagination of different scenarios on how I could have responded to what had unfold before my ears. I shall not be selfish. Let me bring you through these:

1) Dwell over the girl's comment, get paranoid eventually because my appearance is at stake

    Within 2 minutes, I'd be anxiously see myself in the reflection of my Nexus screen. Get worried and head home, literally computing all the reasons for my youth appearance deterioration. Debate and justify how to deter the worse from getting worst. And sulk for the next 30 days.

2) Firmed my lips and boil within

    Most probably I'd turn over to look at the girl. With menacing, bloodshot eyes with a murderous aura behind me. Perhaps a backdrop with a decay, melting surrounding might just be perfect to emphasize the situation. Someone stop me before my ferociousness unleashed! Most likely my Nexus' create a memorable souvenir-dent, twist her leg or stuff my Dolce's into her mouth. Omg.
 
3) Let it pass and don't bother at all. It's just a girl.

    Smile and maintain fine composure. The ultimate blend of the four seasons. Not too warm, too springy, too depressing nor cold.

*Drum-roll*

I strongly believe alot must have chosen (1) or (2). Seriously, I actually lived (3). I couldn't care less. continued to solve the game on Nexus. If there was anything to worry about, priority should land over the girl's delusion. Oh dear.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

De one with A Sigh, Relieve and Fine

Finally, something to smile about

Sometimes I find myself so caught up with fighting to think about, achieve and sort out. Before I know it, my feets are aching and barely on the ground anymore.

These are the times I need to take a moment to pat myself on my head and heavy shoulders, and lightly compliment myself: "Boy, you're doing fine. No "buts" or "maybe", you're doing just fine."

Doing that now... let go and gain some. Gone are the stress, tensions and dilemmas. Gain is the stable soul that feels safe and fine. =)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

De one with Contemplate and Reconsider

Fumes of sighs

It's nice to be caught in a sweet dream, be smitten and all. Like I said, we need to wake up to live those dreams. If live circumstances doesn't permit. I mean, why continue living a dream that's hard living it.

IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP! Wasted my time to contemplate and reconsider when there's nothing to start with in the first place. As the saying goes: "Chang tong bu ru duan tong (short term pain is easier to deal with as compared to terminal misery in Mandarin). Snip it and fend off all self-inflicted injuries before it gets worse.

De one with Hard Decisions

Resolution day

I always have the solutions to my troubles. The mind is my route-map. Alternatives, desperate measures, last resorts, witty tricks, innovative gimmicks. You name it, it has it. Refusal is not in my dictionary. If that word attempts to creep into the registry of words, fat chance it would succeed on its intrusion.

I felt so much better voicing out my thoughts, be it from my heart or brain. More than never, we tend to be clouded with doubts, dilemmas and fright because we are either afraid of accepting reality blatantly right under our noses, or we fear the consequences of regret that will haunt us years down the road.

I always have the decision made. Right decision of course even before I ask what's next. Yet, my wilded mind could only yearn so dramatically hard towards a hopeful thought that's radical from reality. Not that I refuse facing reality, I just don't wanna shortchange myself.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

De one with Commitment

Dedicated to those vulnerable

We were taught in schools questions are essential to acquire knowledge. Simple questions, in particular, are most frequently used, not mainly because they are easily comprehended and thus, direct answers could be given. For example, how are you today? I'm fine, thank you. How nice of you to ask.

The paradox sets in when we all grow up... eventually to learn that certain "simple" questions may require the majority to hesitate. Especially when we know the consequences these questions carry. For example, questions which give rise to "commitment".

Commitment issues are easy for some. Genuinely the young generations often find themselves with the strong hunger to accomplish a sense of belonging / self identity. It's a common perception but myth that the males have problems towards committing themselves as compared to the opposite sex and remaining sexuality preferenc-ees who surface more prominently with recent society progress.

I have friends who are females and have troubles committing. Well, let's not dwell into a battle of the sexes to justify who's most fallible to commitment-resistors. Rather *snaps my finger*, focus on the reasons why people have troubles committing themselves.

I asked my long-ruler which had been around even before the year I was born. It seemed the poor ruler had chipped off a few inches, it's broken part now scotched-taped with ridge-edges due to it's history. It responded: "I've been through too many relationships. I feel being used after countless times of being hurt. This one time someone hurt me so hard, snapped and well, the scar just wouldn't heal completed after the wound was mend. Overtime you grow skeptic 'cause you just can't see putting yourself through all the pain again. Once, twice are okay. But after that, you lose faith."

The mingling ester lured my sense of smell. It seemed the Channel wishes to say its view. "Louve iz only but pe-lor-dic(h). You ca'nt get enoug(f) of(h) it when itz s(z)weet and most import-tantly, when you feel needed. But af(h)-ter a couple of months, things turn blend or my inte-rezt wi(n)ll dry up.. deplete (if you want it put crudely). Considering I'm highly desirable, don(ch) you think itz only fair for me to be apprec(oo)iate by thoze who "needz" me b(u)d-ly for a change?" *Squints* "Szee, louve iz like va-po(u)rization. Wee... itk tinklez at the start and after awhile, it va-linishez and be go(o)ne wit de wind. Pardon my french." That moment, I couldn't help but think how something in the closet might reply somewhat similar.

Indeed, it did.

"What commitment? No commitment!, exclaims the "Extra-safe" Durex condom arrogantly. "Read here, it says "for pleasure only". Oh come on, everyone's into the mutual fun. We meet, we heat and you strip me off. That's life, enjoy to the fullest while you still can! Cause we can can can! Yes we can can can! WooT! If you don't mind, I need to get washed before I get repackaged for my next adventure with Whisper. Together we feel "light and free" again!"



I swallowed, sat back to review the possible reasons gather. While some fear commitment because of the damage they have been through, others simply wouldn't give up their chance with freedom and the need to live a self-fulfilling lifestyle. Selfish but it's true.

"Well darling, don't think of it as an act of selfishness. You'll commit. Just don't settle for anything less. I'm the best example. Love can't sustain you to live. Should any mishap happen. To me, the best policy is", the Gucci belt demanded, who was obviously eavesdropping on my thoughts.

"Is to be honest?" I struggled to grin as I replied.

"Incorrect darling... it's to have cash. That's why I'm often found beside the piggy bank. Though he's such a pig, but as long as I get maintained, commitment is just a certificate which your name on it, after a price is paid."

I looked at the shiny parts from where the answer came from, pretty sure such commitment cost alot for something so expensive in taste.

"Don't listen! To Gucci! People disflavor. Commit-ment. Primarily. We. Need. Space. to breathe. Without. Air. We'll be suffocate. Like. Me!" panted, the deflating balloon. "See.. 'm tied down. All. the. time. Hey! Having. said. so much. Would you. blow. me. Please?"

Ok, I need to go to the toilet. I thought.

The toothbrush holder greeted me when he saw me rushed in and closing the door. "Are you alright kid?" I gestured him in response that I'm fine.

When asked if it's true people fear commitment because they need personal space? "You know kid, I might have to agree to a certain extent. Look at me, I only have so much space and time to accommodate family, friends, work, even guests when they are invited over for overnighters. You've gotta assure yourself of having the extra capacity. I guess alot ain't that efficient/sorted out in their life and time management. We get tarnished overtime, busily occupied with what we hold. But family and friends gets priority. Perhaps that's the reason people ponder before committing to one more."

For a moment, I stared blankly at the marbled titled floor. It wasn't for long something sparkled when the sunray shone in through the tilted windows. It was a tarnished key chain. "Oh, don't bother. If you were to ask me mate, I wouldn't even dare considering being involved with commitment. Look at me! The blatant fact that I'm in such a state, no one would even reconsider been anywhere attached to me."

Rub the spots with a polishing cloth and the chain turned out shiny as the tag read "Tiffany & Co. 1978". It seemed low self-esteem might be another barrier to commitment. Alot of times we just need to re-prioritise, or groom ourselves. "Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow. Lies the seed that, with the sun's love in the spring, becomes a rose" - Bette Midler.

Commitment is easy for the young and passionate. For some it's a concealer to derive momentary pleasure. Others, a hope yet to come through. Although it is entangled in our daily lives, alot of us overlook and fail to realise how our presence mattered.

But still, I'd say the best reasons a two pin plug and a power point. "We could be fitted by force but either one is gonna get damaged or the entire circuit blows. Which obviously prove why commitment is impossible."

"But with the right connection, the right plug, we might just hit it well."

Yes I couldn't agree more. Commitment problems can be resolved. The key is to have something that would connect, especially one which both parties could fit comfortably into.

(Pictures are in courtesy of google.com)

Saturday, October 09, 2010

De one with Clatters

Pardon my mandarin. Had I not remember wrongly, there's a proverb which says when a dog barks, a hundred hounds will follow. It meant to say when one makes comment, the remaining population would do autonomously. 

Owe it to "zhi ye bing "(Chinese: a habit of letting your profession traits guide/influence/affect your normal behavior"), my skepticism inevitably prompt me to reconsider whether those people really meant what they speak of or were they being patronising?

"Loss is something not to be found, but to be felt". Talk publicly about your remorse, posting on FB, are we saying all that we "felt" because it would make us appear more humane?

"I walked a mile with pleasure, she chatted all the way. It left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with sorrow and ne're a word said she, but oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me." - adapted from Mitch Albom. 

De one with Tissued Week

What a hot sweaty day

I literally did nothing but stayed home and became a crouch potato, indulged myself with ice-wine and episodes of desperate housewives. Although there's a certain urge to head out and enjoy this one day when I didn't have to deal with tiredness of work and colleagues, my guilt throbbed in protest not to forget giving my wallet a rest.

Luckily, there was Professor Langton with his stories about the Lost Symbol to accompany me through Saturday, besides the ladies of Wisteria Lane! Yippee! Carrie Bradshaw? Oh, Carrie! She's current on storage-vacation. Not like Singapore's already not "hot" yet.

Though an uneventful weekend, past week had been tough. Took a deep breath before plunging into the open files I had been working on since before I went on study-leave. Turns out, everything didn't seemed as worse as expected. Guessed weariness had been clouding my perspectives. It turned on my moodiness mode. Yucks.

Lemme share a top secret. Alot couldn't agree more after 8 to sometimes 12 hours of  dealing with conversations with outsiders, tolerating gossips, docking arrows, managing anger, dilemmas and nerve-gripping piles of assignments, problems with attitude-giving subordinates, you just wanna complain to sweep off that awful load off your "grudge cache". It's a chore yet necessary, like clearing your auto-leave message machine. Well, that particular night, I was about to commit the same "sin" until my crystal babies caught my sight and... magically, innocence restored, I didn't have to complain like a young adult at all.

Sure I like things which are stunning and sweet. And for that, I'm glad I did.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

De one with Life Goes On...

Don't care if it's rain or shine

Execution with decisiveness is one of the few which derives satisfaction, self-assurance and in turn, happiness. Am really glad the formality veil was lifted deliberately to allow me to speak with straightforwardness.

I connect myself back with my love for music. Although it's been released for quite awhile, the tune of the song appealed to me only recently. You should listen to it to, "All the Lovers" by Kylie Minogue.

Bought a watch yesterday. Alittle hesitation in the beginning but overcome. Surprisingly, I didn't whine over my indecisiveness. Instead, I felt my guts to convince myself that the purchase was what I really want. The feeling of "love at first sight" revived between me and capability for fine selection.

As for friendship, I felt it's time to let loose. I came to equilibrium with the fact that people don't stay within same proximity for long. Like a flower, without proper maintenance, weeds would grow and condition deteriorates. I'd say I've lived 25 thoughtful years to know a fair bit about people around me. Some break down from time to time, wanting assurance of long friendships without knowing their actions and behaviors leads to self-fulfilling prophecy; Some, although least thought of, who hardly whisper a word, turns out to be the ones who truly understand you; Some plead for certainty of their existence through emotional, physical touch; Some ignore; A few surfaces from time to time yet bothers you alot. Some became too materialistic (for the love of God, you can't blame them), it seemed they have lost the will to mount their cruel environment and end up being compelled to change by externalities.

Losing faith in relationships needn't be told, shared or get overly vexed about. Just let nature takes its course, prepare yourself to be able to deal with what may come. Most importantly, be nice and graceful, without any pinch of selfishness or resent. This.. was a "no, no" in the past. Pardon my naivety to associate such treads with the image of an insensitive and selfish "jerk". It seemed being overly accommodating and bending over backwards with people whom you  treasure doesn't benefit or fit the lion's pride. Contemptuous but true, it feels saint when people come to you than the other way round.

It hit me after countless time of meeting up and I just couldn't engage myself into the conversations that's circulating around the coffee table. It's pure deceit if I open my mouth and put myself into discussion superficially. It's not I'm incapable of doing so, but I just can't bring myself to pretend. It's not as if I'm role-playing in a mega-movie. The historic-self might reconsider "if I don't speak, will they think me weak?". At present, I supposed I'm firmed on when to speak and when not to.

When will I speak?
1) If the topic interest me, I feel I have the knowledge to input and desires to know more.

2) If you come running to me with a problem, I'd listen, look you in the eyes and assess what can be done.

3) When I truly need your valuable opinion (which would be fading for I wanna be a person who's sure and certain of what I want).

4) Things which build onto the foundation of our relationship. Quality conversations.

When my lips are sealed?
1) It's time-passing, senseless conversation which only scrap through the surfaces or discussions.

2) Thrashing out, contentious matters (please leave that at work), statement's that are hurtful

3) When I'm bored and tired.

4) Being in a group which disintegrated, you know, gossip amongst yourself. I mean mini-talk all you want. If you're not interested in my presence, k*ss my ass and I'd take off.
 
Perhaps we have aged, I feel conversations should be laughing about our history, of course, to remember the good old times when we were young. We debate about people at work, our displeasures about life, family and complain, share our dreams. I love meeting new people, it's like starting from a blank piece of paper. So much to discover, things ain't tacky. Novice excites me.

I have no idea how come my mental and physic became hectically exhausted. Just can't find the root of the deprivation of energy. Was at a vet centre when this bright and suave looking vet asked if I was alright. Pretty embarrassed but I looked up, forced a smile and said I'm alright. Damn, anybody who saw my facial expression would have known I was lying and faking. What a laughingstock I thought back then.

At the same time, I was touche by the concern. It has been awhile anyone would do so, without having me to ask.    

Friday, September 24, 2010

De one with Comprehension

Eyebrows eased

Two weeks of proximity-zero. Two years of tilly-lagging. After five years of distance, everything seemed to have remained the same. I'd guess this is the underlying meaning of a leopard never can't change its spots. What seemed lost didn't cause my heart to pinch with self-sympathy but filled sudden comprehension of why I've lost, as though to make vacuum a space for the endless headaches which follows. The only loser in this "game of fate" lies with whom he thinks he had lost and nothing to gain. I've lost and lost completely. Oh dear..

Thursday, September 23, 2010

De one with Home Coming

Peaceful

"This is home, truly. Where I know I must be. Where my dreams wait for me; where the river always flows. This is home, surely. As my senses tell me. This is where, I won't be alone. For this is where I know it's home." 

- "Home", Dick Lee.

Lyrics are beautiful with meanings that are close to my heart. The first three words are like appetizers, never fails to entice you to continue the subsequent tune.

Picture does paint a thousand words. Hmm, I bet a song conveys even more. What a relieve  to be home after a day's hardwork.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

De one with Gleefulness!

Semester finale

There is really a word call "Gleefulness" in the dictionary. Don't believe? Look this word up!

The FreeDictionary.com defines "Gleefulness" as (a noun) meaning joyfulness. What's there to be gleeful about? I've finally completed Test 2 of the hideous advanced financial accounting! Except the part on segment reporting which I included something which was unnecessary (think that might cause me a couple of marks), the rest are pretty alright *sweeps my shoulders*.

With courtesy of corbisimage.com
For once, I feel fluttery after coming out from the exam hall. Perhaps it's the mark of the end to my tertiary education! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'd pass and graduate! Graduate!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

De one with Fates of the Same Face

Noises

Every face has two sides. Not just physically visible, what lies beneath the facial skin are two personalities which make a face smile or frown.

Breathe with me.. inhale... and exhale. Now, if you would lend me a listening ear for I am going to say what has been troubling me.

It's amazing how I can desert myself to somewhere nobody knows. I've been keeping secrets, filled with nothing but pure unhappiness, worries and all the other feelings there are for a loser to contain. Truth is.. I'm not successful and I feel messed up. Unknowing, all in me doubt if I knew where my next step would be, what to expect next, who shall I be with, when to execute my decisions precisely and how the situation would be turned towards the director I'm taking. 

Let me project an image of my life... it is like four-scales. The one described above has sunk. The surface of the scale is centimeters away from the ground strewn with a million broken glass. Like a chandelier mold to have its handles give light in a downward manner, all four scales seems to be in downward position. 

Trust me when I confess I could sit right on top of a prism in the air, watching countless visitors traveling forth and away. Those who noticed, took photos of me. Some clasped their hands and prayed. Some didn't notice or couldn't be bothered. Some suggested it's better calling the police. All and all I didn't care. I choose not to because I was just breathing some air. And nobody gave me a rest.

Dates, partners, lovers and scandals have no varying meaning to be. All is like paints that wouldn't stain the white heart-shaped paper. No Eros' arrows could scar a mark. No diamonds or persuasions could even cut.

All for one and one for all. The four scales agreed that all shall fall. Regardless of gender, relationship nor blood, threads are tangled and better left intact.

I can no longer do this anymore I told myself. My wings are drenched and take flight no more. For now till when I could not tell. Promises land with nothing felt.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

De one with All in Bucks

Coffee on discussion

The very first time I smelled the aroma of coffee seeds was when I attended kindergarden. After every half-a-day of "disciplined and confinement" with other kids in an ever-strange place, my granny would fetch me to this coffee-seller to replenish coffee powder but most importantly, give me a daily vitagen treat. Perhaps to compensate for the day's "torture". We were easily contended back then.

Despite "friending" with the familiar scent, I never knew how the source taste like. It wasn't until I was less than 10 year of age came my "first sip" experience. Back then, my late-mother and I were at Shenton Way. While waiting for my Dad with his awfully long dental appointment, we were having our breakfast at Burger-king in the vicinity. Apart from vivid memories of  the croissant and ham breakfast, a killer-back-for-more, I fragmentarily remembered Mummy actually let me tasted her coffee. You know, I was as inquisitive as other kids of my age were. So I was up for trying anything that came to my mouth. Apparently, the taste turned out too strong and awfully repulsive to my sweet taste-buds. So... I never had any then after. 

It was during a trip in Australia that I was attracted to the milky and vanilla-rich Victorian cappuccino (besides discovering my liking for Yellow-tea-leaves, in the same trip). Turns out, coffee ain't that dis-tasteful as it was a couple of childhood years ago. Unfortunately, the revisit to this internationally most-drunk beverage didn't occur moments after I returned to Singapore. Ah ma makes coffee every morning, as early as 5-6am. She still does even today and it will forever be poured into this green-metallic pot (which existed since decades or centuries ago). Sadly, never was I anywhere near that utensil.

Mohan. Yes, Mohan was the significant person who introduced me to coffee world and had me returning for good. Turned me into a subsidiary convict. Why only a subsidiary? Because the "main" convict refers to those who drink coffee everyday or wouldn't survive a day without coffee (like my Mummy, Aunt and some of my current colleagues). To be exact, ice blended coffee.

In one of my cab encounters, there was this particular cabby who chatted heartily with me while delivering me to Junction 8 after work. He discussed about the elusive evolution of coffee today and how this slight re-packaging of coffee appealed to younger generations (like me), without losing natural patrons (like him) and in turn, benefit the coffee-retailers' pockets. This humble grown-up was keen to learn how coffee today tasted or how were they made that "spelled" us into consuming them for hours at coffee-places. I shared with him my opinions:

1. It's coffee blended with chocolate (mocha) and ice. Part of what makes it so appealing was it's a beverage that cools and calms us given our typical tropical weather. Not only that, it keeps us awake to sustain our energy to stay at the same place and chat like there's no tomorrow. 

2. The vast variety and new mix with health-implicated ingredients, such as green tea, nuts, satisfy our appetite and demands for fresh taste and innovations.

3. Pocket money for us have increased drastically through generations. More kids find it affordable to try whatever's marketed to them. The erosion of conservatism, age where kids are restricted, financially confined have opened up most, if not, all access possibilities.

10 years ago, it's "Mommy, Daddy, can I buy this? My friends have it. I sampled it."

6 years ago, either "Mommy" or "Daddy, I am going to get this.."

At present, it seemed the child has had what he/she wanted without going through their parents. Insignificant stuff such as coffee? Are you kidding me you need parental permission?

Not doubt my first coffee was given by my mother. Honestly speaking, my 2nd coffee wasn't bought independently. My knowledge of the existence of ice-blended coffee was imparted from my cousin, Jasmine who bought it specially from a Coffeebean corner located at the old MPH bookstore, Suntec Ciy. It was a couple of years ago, what turned out to be a medium for nights of conversation became a beverage I thought of for leisure.

I later discovered Coffee bean coffee were too sweet. Age advised me sweetness was alittle "oldskool" and repulsive. It didn't take very long for my preference to change to getting coffee from the classic Starbucks. This. Was where memories were made.

Ever since my (pure) ko-ffee "affairs" with Mr Gopalan, Starbucks accompanied me through times of joy, peace, woes and loneliness.

(Joy): Peppermint was my favourite. Everytime they have these in stores during Christmas, I'm all hippertly hopperty up. Drinking the chilly, mint taste, I could felt the coldness of winter in my digestive system and hear the "festive jingles" tinkling in my mind.

(Peace): Coffee calms my nerves whenever I get worked up over completing/rushing assignment. In times when like this, a hot Caramel-Macchiato would perk my productivity to its maximum. Have me drink this and you might just regret talking to me. I'd probably think and talk very rapidly.

Else, on light rainy days, you might just find me at Starbucks, sipping the same hot CM receipe with a book in my hands.

(Woes): Bitter and sweet. Bottoms up to poetry alive:

"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lover's eyes
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lover's tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet
." - Romeo, Romeo and Juliet, Act 1 Scene 1.

You might find this familiar from my previous blog. But reality, it's true.

"I mean no other, no other but you" Caramel Frappucino, the drink to stick thru' thick and thin.

(Loneliness): None beats the cold and redness of the Ice Shaken Lemon Passion Tea. If "Passion" 's unavailable, I could have "Zen". Double the loneliness, double the choice of tea. Why tea? Tea is blend by nature. Being lonely is like shedding colors of life. The exact mirror of dilution of tea colors as it infuse with the melting skin-piercing ice.

If you can't have wine, let us have coffee. What more, it's cost less expensive! *Punches* *Kicks* and enough! Enough!.

Alot might agree with me, it's heavenly to "nua" ("laze and be restless" in hokkien) to be have coffee chats. In fact, I love it. Partly it's a healthier substitute to drinking to pour my misery and bit*hiness out. Without feeling the messy aftermath, hangovers or regretting anything because I'm sober. Partly owing to the fact I fare better with one-to-one conversation in a casual setting where we're only an arms-length diameter coffee table apart. People around are engaged in their perimeters of chat. It's alright to chat, get excited, or not chat at all. Comfortably be yourself, non-guarded and engage in both informal or formal conversations.

Throughout time, I've lost and gained alot. Well, it seems my blessings are like melted ice. Not just that, pressures from work and academic have sprinkled salt on the melting ice. When will the next session be schedule?

Sunday, September 05, 2010

De one with Friendship Cracks

Hands to the heart

I used to have those floats in shapes of a swan, crocodile or hippo which need to be air-inflated.  It's a fun-big thing that never fail to put a smile on my face. Especially whenever I get to ride on it. However, there was  big problem. Once a hole is punctuated on its surface, no matter how you patch it up, it's unable to retain air as perfect as before.

To be honest, I can't help feeling useless. My friends are sad yet nothing I am doing seemed to yield results. To simply hack-care and leave things be only result in drastic measures like having my heart's better off taken out and thrown into the cliffs of Grand Canyon to the vultures. Yes, you can go on blabbering, raise 1,001 reasons and rattling on "nobody needs your comfort, listening ear", "Why do you care", "Your shoulders are too small to cry on", "Why impose yourself on others who didn't request".

Truth is, any reasonable man would have feel likewise, or have we became unbearably unfeeling?

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

De one with Recurring Pitstops

Unchained

Like an unchained melody, work (needless to say) and school assignments comings in choppy waves one after another. It's scary at times when I slump back into the chair, semi-mentally "impaired", to realise how rapid everything around me is coming forth and getting done with. Then the aftermath of regret just have to find itself creeping into the little pauses I take, eventually leading me to feel alittle disappointed with myself for doing only so much within the capacity and energy available.

Only yesterday was I done with AFA test 1. Right up, there's a consolidated cash flow assignment due next saturday. On exactly 8 days later, it's AFA test 2. Tonight, the comprehension to why I am repeating this module - flashpast without learning anything. It's like moving so fast, it feels as if you're not visually seen moving at all.

I stopped reading. My jogging routine got stood up too. Weekday's consist of waking up late, rush to work and by the time I reach home after a day at work or campus, it's already 10-11ish and nothing except shower followed by sleep. Then the next rush 24 rush hours starts. It's stifling. Blogging now? ha! it's a fraction of my deprived sleep.

And a typical weekend? It's basically weekend date with "sleep". The best is to be able to jog at least once. For now, sigh, it's only revision and rushing to meet deadlines! Arrgghh!

Monday, August 30, 2010

De one with Strike One

Something's big coming

Call it bad omen, negative intuition but it's an unavoidable fact that I'm worried. Feel it in my gut, something bad is cautiously unfolding.

AFA test 1 was a killer. It's the most feared module of all accounting students across the globe. I panicked for awhile because I forgotten how to deal with the Non-controlling interest during disposal. Perhaps due to lack of practice but I've spent 3 days and nights on this. 1 day of revision and still, it turns out like that. Sigh.

The next ga-braar thing was I miscounted my time. Got panicky for nothing because I short-changed myself 30 minutes. Learned my lesson from previous' poor time management. While others are scribbling or "vomiting" out their memory work, I apportioned the amount of time for each question based on the marks awarded. I even skipped when I am stuck.

Jocelyn text me telling she might failed. So I comforted saying "no use worrying what's done, just concentrate on what's to come". Amusingly, it's better said than do. Oh well, "no use crying over spilled milk".

Recently, I got stood up by a friend. Blame it on my sensitivity, my gut (again) tells me something's not right. Although I didn't approach her immediately because it'd only make things worse by pressing someone for an account of what happened. Turns out, my attempt to cheer didn't work. Maybe I'm lousy at talking people out. Maybe our friendship is no longer as important? I hate to administrate the latter, even for suspicion sake. However, the series of recent events seemed to point to the otherwise.

*Palms open* I seriously don't know what to do. Can't imagine I'm confining myself to such thoughts. Sounds silly yet inevitably true. You know what, just do what a guy normally do, "don't think". I mean I did all that's required of a friend and sometimes even more than an average friend. I'm really tired.

This is when find myself changing course and embarking on other stuff which are more constructive. The prime question is "Is this that I'm doing constructive?" An idea seeded from a friend, Baxter. Well, let's see, maybe I should take up driving (at last), take up wine appreciation seminars, reshuffle my stuff, clean my house, complete all the books in my library or go traveling alone.

And talk is nothing, actions are required. Jason's never about talk. It's my compulsion.

Something big's coming and Jason... never the same again.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

De one with Rebound

Generating thoughts

"How long are you going to keep this up" keep revolving in the my head like a totem. It wasn't aching. On the contrary, it forced myself to come back to reality. It seems as though beads of invisible weights have been sewn to every inch of the hair till much effort was required to overcome downward pressure acting on my bowing neck.

A funny thing I realised about myself was the unbelievable recovery rate. Mood-shifter would probably be the most appropriate title to brand myself in for this blog. "Life is a stage" well said indeed. We react, display our emotions and leave it before moving on.

Sometimes we overreact. In such times, we become impulsive for no reason. If it were me, I've better learn to take a deep breathe and try to process the routes and course of actions I could choose from, then formulate what my next step would be. It takes practice. Most of us are unable to do so as human tend to want the most responsive actions to counter the disequilibrium abruptly presents itself.

It benefits me more as certain of my words sting. It shoots like a merciless sniper at times. Thinking through, I was glad not to have said much, conveyed what was necessary.

De one with Un's

Sonnet

Thee heart tells not where predicament lies
Heavy soul pulses, watch indifference time
Shadows never hung lower than pavement shines
Lonesome bittercold as salted ice,

Worst defeats worse in combat minds
Unleashes fear in struggling vice
O poor us thy friendliest ties
Undecipherable affirmation we never find.

(Picture in courtesy of Mike Duran)

De one with Birthday Touche


Nothing but Joy

Salutes, bows and blows kisses to those who made the 21st August 2010 an eventful and ravishing day! It's even sizzling, outrageously fun and euphoric than National Day or YOG! I sworn I'd never felt more like a comely star this year. The glamor outshone the dreadful age!!
 
Special gratitude to my "bros" who kick-start the beginning of the celebration and hastily fetched me to a posh restaurant (the Nautilus Project, in courtesy of luxury-insider.com) which I've never set foot in. Least did I expect being put through the embarrassing yet moving moment with cakes and candle. Have gotta admit I was near tearing when you guys deserted your masculinity and sung a birthday song in the presence of our neighboring kids and Caucasians at both sides of our table.

Next was Donald for our "nan de" dinner at Marche (below, in courtesy of singaporefountainpen.blogspot). A place I never been to since secondary school. A revisit to a place-from-history now situated at a whole new place. Ha! Glad you fare fairly well in your exams. Looks like our double-celebration was worth it!


If given a chance, I'd meet everyone who texted or wrote your well wishes on my wall (regardless of the automated notification / sincere memory work) and reward you $2 a beary hug! Lol. You know what? This is the premier of a new channel from which you could convey your greetings! Haha. You are like the red carpet for this year's birthday!

... The unlikeliest and stunning materialised when my close friends ambushed a "pre-birthday evening" plan on me! What meant as mere nonsensical suggestion turned out to be taken as serious command. They made a reservation at Giraffe (left, in courtesy of oriented.com), had appetizing seafood, enticing cheesecakes and hell lots of alcohol to consume till our hearts content!


It was like an uninterrupted date.. everything fell and saw through nicely. Play reshoots of our birthday gifts presenting scene repeatedly. Bet the surrounding crowds must have thought we were film-crazy. There was movie after dinner till the first minute of my B-day arrived! Too bad there weren't fireworks. Only Slyvester Stallon and bullets-firing, blood splashing and serial explosions in Expendables. Peeerrrrfect substitutes! Ho!!


Thy heart bloomed deeper into its core as the entire family was "activated" to this fine Chinese restaurant at Marina Bay Sands.
Two VIL(very important ladies) in my life...

Me + Jolly Daddy
...Cousins and a nephew
Uncle + me
There was superior dim sum, mouthwatering Peking duck, mouth-melting asparagus, prosperous Sharkfin dumpling and pastry.
Not everytime until today, there was an intangible priceless dish on the table which derived more satisfaction to the stomach and our hearts - Kinship.
House of J, with love from Marina Bay Sands
Wait, the premium gifts I received or got for myself with the privilege of being the birthday boy of course!
 

Dusk approaches came the people who sprinkled magic dusts to sparkle-up my actual Big Day! My dear colleagues brought me to a Peranakan restaurant and had our version of "tok panjang"! The spread was variegated and super delicious! Aww... I can't restrain myself from sharing the present...


"Jin zhi" (delicate in mandarin) right? "wah~ing" continuously as I turned the pages.

  
When asked if they felt pressurised ('cause they kept apologising for their artwork), they said they didn't. Just worried their deco didn't mean my standards. I was even asked if I'd touch up at home. Jokers la.

My heart burned with engulfing appreciation! It's ultra tough to buy presents for me. In this rare occasion, the gifts melt me heart!

After scrumptious dinner, we headed to this outdoor space. All the shops were closed, surroundings were dim. So we used the flashlight from handphones to brighten up our faces for better photo-shoots. Damn, I was like a celebrity la.. they played along, "more light here", "I'll be the mic-holder", "powder on Jason's face" when taking turns to have our photographs together. Then the cake and birthday song. Omg. Third cake for the period!

Wait, there's more.. we went to Mind's cafe till the last minute of 21 August 2010 passed.

One milestone, 9 days of celebration, 6 new venues, handful fine presents and countless blessings. It was a day I never felt more loved and centered in the world.Woohooo!!