De one with There and Back Again

Some catchy opening huh?

Early morning I went running in the drizzle. Eyy... Still feeling sad nonetheless. Nevermind! I proceeded to client's place. First stop, I arrived at Methodist Girls School, in hopes of locating the Methodist Centre. Erm, good thing was there were a lot of little girls.. who were looking at me as I strolled pass the school foyer? Hehe. Sad thing? I went to the wrong destination!

HAHAHA. Ok, get up from your fall.. Thank Lady Mary at MGS, I managed to get a cab along the secluded Old Blackmore Rd. 10 minutes was all it took to have me arrived at the rightful destination: ACS Barkers. Of course, I'm not there to spread my charms again. I had trouble locating the Methodist Church of Singapore, located on the 4th Storey of the ACS building at first. Good thing my sense of direction got me in the office eventually.

There were another group of auditor there. From what I heard was Teo, Foong and Wong, a medium sized company. As much as I feel abit inferior. One platinum knight against four of them (eh, three of them guys weren't as good looking as me though). Ok, give you a vomit-bag. I don't know, somehow, I feel "inadequate".. If you've watched Ally Mcbeal before, you'd understand when I say I'd most likely be a "shrinking" Jason. The office environment wasn't very nice. I had to sit at a pantry table because the other auditors occupied a room and the outside staff's table. No scenary for me to look at. I required after year end bank statements for my bank reconciliation testing but this old aunty, Sally, wasn't cooperative. She shown me a face filled with "discontent", her eyes smirked with frustration, screaming "don't bother me" in an deafening, ultra-frequency pitch. Scary right?

Instead of covering my ears, I was smiling graciously, literally like Ken, Barbie's boyfriend.. (oh Saint at ACS, what's wrong with me). It was this moment I understood what it meant by what a particular Chinese proverb means "Xiao Li Chang Dao" (knife-ambushed smile in Mandarin) "Kin-kiang!" *swords clattering* Nothing la.. Professionalism overcame my anger.

The manager, Josephine witness her staff's bad manners, she dug the bank statements from Sally's desk for me. The only helpful person was her lor. I messaged Efi, I don't wanna do this audit next year.

The only thing which made my day was the school's surroundings. Anywhere outside the office. I must say, the school's nice. There had this Rome column-shaped canteen, there were garden landscape and a shooting fountain. The scenic was indescriptably beautiful. I guess my heart's inclined to sight of gardens, feel of afternoon breeze, tranquil sounds of water. Paradise.

During lunch, this (above, with courtesy of ACS barker's canteen table *LOL*) caught my attention. And then, I did a very paiseh thing.. I left the table I've chosen and walked around, only to realise EVERY table is the same. And there are people except students, sitting at the tables with the label, SAME AS MINE. Oh my.. so paiseh!! Why do they have to do this! You mean the visitors and teachers are depriving students of seats during lunch?

I completed the main audit around 5pm. They are real efficient with tele-communication. When I came down to the 3rd level, the staff there already received news that I was coming. "So, you're the handsome auditor they (4th storey finance people) were talking about", Esther greeted me when we first met. They have gotta be kidding.

Fell short of target for the day because Esther wanted to leave on the dot. I was only half-way through my part for the payroll. Which means I've gotta make another trip tomorrow morning. Dreadful. I left the school at around 6. Took 171 to Orchard carrying this obiang briefcase from work. My agenda was to get biotherm products. End up, the branch which I went to, didn't have the product I wanted. Why waste the money getting things I don't want and having not spent on what I needed, don't you agree? Hehe.. that's hundred plus bucks un-credited from my bank account!

Realised I couldn't withstand holding heavy things, else I'll be totally drenched in unwished prespiration. Trust me, it ain't a good thing especially when you're in executive appearant. Came home early to fill the house with my "ren qi" (human-presence in Mandarin).

Watching news on Channel 8, they're showing this footage of crementation scene. It's the exact same sight. Sigh.. it raked up my past experiences. Oh well...

De one with Hari Raya Puasa 2008

Lazy lazy (29 days to exam)

Never thought I've be such a pig! I slept again during my holiday. Sad thing wasting my time catching up on my previous day's of deprived sleeps. Oh dear...

Apparantly, my "panda eyes" ain't subsiding... instead, I feel my figure de-shaping. Have been putting on weight due to my lack of exercise. Oh dear...

But came late at night, I managed to do something!! Finished ironing my clothes..slowly taking over from my ah-ma. Which is good I guess..

Finally, don't really have much Muslim friends however it wouldn't bite to wish all Muslims out there, except for Mas Selamat, a well-deserved Selamat Hari Raya Puasa!

De one with JAY CHOU New Album 2008

Let it rain all it wants

Why? Because.. JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM!.. ok, i'm gonna announce that again: JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM!!.. didn't hear it clearly? JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM!

Well, I kinda happen to go youtube, just to listen to 稻香 again.. By chance, the links arrived access to other songs of his NEW ALBUM: 魔杰座 (Capricon), that's his astrological sign FYI. Hehe. The songs were fabulous, needless to say.. he's creations.. talents-packed man... every beat, every pronounciation, every melody.. I don't know..it's magic!

Cool starting with 魔傑座 which reveals a.. vibe..disco grove.. What else? let's hear.. there are a few works which bears some similar styles like 女兒紅 (but he added this "drag and fill" part which was simply brillant), 達芬奇的畫布, funky 秘密花園, 紅樓夢中 and 從新愛 (same "chinese" genre), comedia 失戀的青蛙 (some commented that it was a sequence "oo-di-leddi" to the "Cowboy" song..wait, what Cowboy song, it's

More to come, there's rapping in 東方之殿, jazzy-hip hop 大灌藍.. More More! There's this heart-ligthening song with an curiosity rousing title called 達芬奇的畫布 or translated Da Vinci's canvas.

Did I miss out anything? Yup, that's particularly one..失落非主流, which I love it on first hearing. It's a sendimental song... especially the chorus which he sings in triplets... 6/8 tempo if i'm not wrong.. classic! I bet this would be a HIT!

Of course, good things have flaws. I feel alot of his songs in this albums gives a feeling of "slowing down" towards the end of every songs.. like some's full of drive in the beginning but exhausting when it nears a closing.. perhaps it's me?

Anyway, JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM! so, all of you must go purchase! Because Jason said so. It's worth the money la.. money-back-guarantee would have proved redundant!

Wondering why I've not been blogging after a while.. mainly due to my endless days of completing my final project for this semester. Needless to say, my weekend was burnt. Stayed up late until 5am, went to office on Monday, sleep deprived. Didn't really know how I could have done that.. Monday's work was abit tough, muddlehead.. and worse, expecting my last taxation lecture for the entire semester.. obliged to attend regardless of how much I wanted to skip.

But I endured through. Today I finished and tender another of my outstanding job. 1 down, 2 more to go. And I am, I have to be determine to finish before my leave in mid october. Somehow, I just feel demoralised at times.. feel imcompetent.. and I seemed to lost my ability to communicate with my colleagues. Oh well.. outcast.. but nevermind. Thank goodness there are some new friends I've made via online and Jay Chou's song audio-ing on the radio kept me going.. Jason has no going-concern problem..

Watched the Noose today, was laughing all the way through.. it was really funny.. However, I admire the characters' english, it's just so well-pronounced. That made me aware of where I stand.. nevermind, nevermind, I can learn a couple of skills from there.

Anxiously anticipating the new album, becuase I just can't bear listening those tracks online plus downloading-piracy is a no no. I don't scream like nobody's business (except during his concert) or go crazy over Jay, but I guess these are the things I do as a big fan..hah.. ok, that's for now.. Thank for reading, Jason signing out!

De one with Being Frank

Jason's Frank day

Nothing could feel more nostalgic of heading back to Changi Airfreight Centre to see the client (slightly) more than a year ago. The unforgettable pain of depriving my wallet of around 90 bucks just to bring myself to and fro. The unchanged practice of requesting the cabby to stop at the pass office, then exchanging IC to get my visitor's pass and going back to the cab again.

The uncle, one of the staff there, recognised me, mentioned a year seemed to passed so rapidly and before you know it, another year's audit has commenced. "So fast" was the exact word he told Cecilia, the accounting staff.

Only difference was there were new staff. 2 of them. And I brought Ellyana, my colleague there, brief her what I knew from my previous year's (audit) encounters. Did some clarification on all the possible matters (tax & audit) by talking to Cecilia on Elly's behalf.

It was nice... more of a re-kindred kinda feeling actually. Evening we left around 6pm, my cab drove me to Bishan J8 where I "da bao" Yoshinoya for dinner and got "oyster mee suah" for ah-ma.

The night is completed with meeting Mohan at Starbucks, Thomson Plaza. The female staff recognised us. Lol. We didn't chat much. Tonight would be the last time we'll be meeting until my exams are over.

Speaking of the devil, it's starting to bug me. Exams are drawing close. In another month's time, I'll be battling 3 examinations which are just 2 days apart from one another. Faint. Looks like the mugging have to start, reluctantly.

I pronounced today as Jason's Frank day. Critically due the events which follows. Firstly, I text Clara, telling her I wouldn't dare ask her out anymore. She asked me why. I replied: "Rem Clara ther was once during JC Community Involvement Programme at Orchard? I nearly wanted to quit bcoz I couldn't get any passerby to fill up the forms. Underlying principle is Jason don't like to be rejected when I take the initiative to ask people for anything. I end up feeling dejected, disappointed. And I start thinking why nobody does likewise for me. Perhaps no one bothers, hence I give up trying."

- Sounds like some sensitive, petty guy. That was not intended when I typed the message. I just.. can't stand having to get myself rejected too many times. I bet you'd have agreed one should move on if our attempts prove futile? Or our efforts are not paying off?

Secondly, I declared that my spoken-english ain't prefect. Ought to work towards speaking better english so I could be better understood and develop confidence in return.

Oh boy.. jason, jason, it's been a frank day.

De one with Not Right

Just doesn't seemed right

Early morning and I wasn't feeling happy. My ostinate mind just refuses to let go of the revolving thought about the reason Gabriel gave when he handed me this new assignment, P.Care Ltd: "The others have their exisiting jobs to attend to. That's why we need you to take over". Sounds as though I'm doing nothing or nominated just because I'm the "most free" person in the office?

Was messaging Clara early morning to complain. I brought up the issue and even suggest perhaps my boss must have notice I'm leaving early now and then. The reason why I have time is because I pushed my assignments out. Sigh..

If Mohan were to hear me, most probably he'd say: He trust you that's why he entrust so much work to you. Jez.. it's abit.. unfair, come to think of it, especially the reason he gave..triggering all the negtive thoughts. I don't mind learning but my exams are drawing near and I doubt he's gonna let me off until I complete all the piling assignments.

In office I felt weird coz I have not seen Yiwei and Alice (who just came back from Indonesia) and we've not communicated for almost a week. Anyway, I was abit "sian" at work. Fully-utilised my brain juice, trying to complete the Eipic special audit which was long-overdue. Man..I pity them coz no submission of our report means no funding for them.

Had bread for dinner before tax lecture. Nothing much for today. Capital allowances, unabsorbed trading losses and donation claiming criterias. The interesting part was the dividends, imputation system and one-tier system. Taxation's fun!

I swear something spooky occurred on bus 52. There was this stop just before the Country Club. The bell rang thrice but no one pressed as no one got down. The bus driver had to stop twice. Eerie..

Came back home, something worst happened. The flushing gadget broke. My uncle and ahma thought I had a big fall while I was in the toilet. Sigh. I hate it when things break. Arghh..

De one with "Kum Hu"

Incense fill the air

I didn't waste the entire day. Brought work home. Went jogging. 5km. Covered both bishan parks in the late afternoon around 4pm.

Evening mama brought us to "Dua Lang Kong" ("大人宫" in Hokkien). It wasn't really the real name of the temple around my neighbourhood. Well, that's what it was addressed as since we were young. Anyway, it was a yearly affair for us to have our tailsman re-stamped with the God's seal. I know it sounds superstitious. But hey, it's the elder's advice for the purpose of keeping us safe. Like how Christians wear crosses, thai monk's fellowers wearing Buddha charms.

Prior the commencement of the "kum hu", there was this "crossing the bridge" ceremony. According to batches sort by zodiac signs, people of the same zodiac would have their chance, lined up in order to cross the bridge. By doing so, one would be blissed with safety.. good luck charm kinda thingy. I participated for the fun of it. The not-fun part is you would be stamped with this red dyed stamp on the back of your shirt. Luckily, I told the uncle I didn't want any. Thank goodness.

There was Hokkien wayang opera on.. I took a photo! Looks like the lighting was too bright.. but the stage's still visible... This was part of my culture. Remember when I was a child, I love watching wayang. Apart from being able to stay up late, I was fascinated with the glittering costumes, the music, backdrop and the atmosphere. Not that I don't really like it now nor influenced by the getai emergence, my sendiments for chinese wayang still remains, just that we hardly have the time to sit down, feed the mosquitoes and watch without my granny.

Every year, my heart would beat double time becoz you'll never know what the Gods would say about me. There was once this god raised the example of "Tai Gong Diao Yu" (it was about this old man, supposedly a celestial figure who fished with a bamboo pole, no bait whatsoever. Only willing fishes would get hooked). Obviously explains why the next line which follows is "Yuan Zhe Shang Gou". Anyway, the god was teaching me that i'd never learn if I'm not willing to ask.

This year, this particular god adviced me to exercise more conscientious in whatever I do. Which turns out to be quite accurate. I've been approaching a couple of things with an easy-going attitude. My mind's unfocused. Partly because my heart's uncontented with anything but one thing. I was a slave to my emotions and trying to get over something which was nothing. Which kinda disrupted my life. Inevitably, it had indirectly caused me to lose concentration.

Well, I must say, this is no "self fulfilling prophecy" here! It was a direct nail in the head. Looks like I have to put up my socks now.

De one with Dreamy Saturday

Bed, pillows, lethargic

Oh dear. I practically waste the day away doing nothing but sleep. Sure did caught up with all the sleep missed through the past week. I know alot of people's gonna feel sorrier for me coz I..erm.. I didn't go for lecture today. Might as well take a shot with a pistol pressing against my temple. Exams are coming and I'm still like this..

Aiya.. anyway, the best part is I replenised my energy. Clearing my handphone memory. Don't know why but it never fails to run outta memory, such that my camera can't work. Must be something's faulty.


Time to share something inaugural to my sightings during my time spent at my client's place. Here's a view taken from the toilet. It was magnificent.. just right throught this wide glass plane, next to the washer. Cool right? That would be the bird's eye view of Arab street? And that Golden thingy is Md Sultan's mosque.


<---- The next thing I really really like to share is this. Look! I believe alot of people must have had prior knowledge of this curiousity-arousing toilet bowl which offers automated erm.. wiping service after one's finished their bowel? Never seen one? Just sharing..with courtesy of the toilet committee (if there's any) of The Plaza. Hehe..



Let's take a closer look at the instructions, shall we? LOL. It says" "Press the dail (see below, right). Water sprays from the front end of the nozzie (haah) and clean the cleans the bottom (that will be erm.. the part where the bowels comes from)".

The user can even adjust the strength of the spray by turning the dial. Clockwise to stengthen and vice versa. ------>

Cool right? Err.. I never really play with the thingy. I think.. users should be very considerate, not to dirty the nozzie. Else..let's not discuss further.

Who says being an auditor is boring? Visit client's place still manage to make such fun discovery! Man.. I love my job

De one with Suddenly Realised

Fine weather

Early morning I nearly had a heart attack. You see, I dropped my dear Samsung Omnia in the cab as I had too much things to carry. Despite my panicky from having realised my handphone was missing, I was calm minded enough to call the Cab's customers' service hotline which brought successful hope through the service officer. She dialed the cab driver who later delievered the hp to me at my office.

I was supposed to pay him the meter charge ($14.90) for driving from his current location to my office. Yet, in gratitude, I handed him a 50 dollar note and said thank you.

The most fortunate thing was the receipt which I took which beared the details of the cab which possibled this "excercise of recovering my hp".

Phew... went back to office to settle some arrears. Like filing of ECI, forwarding questionnair to the auditors of my client's subsidiary (for my consol), sending another client confirmations for authorisation, talked to client, replied emails to my client's matters, discuss about this new client handed to me by my boss. Busy day. All my seniors were out, that's why I had to be present coz Rebecca informed me beforehand. Responsibility.

Gabriel raised questions which I couldn't answer. Made me become aware of my incompetency. I supposed his impression of me is deteriorating by the way I react to his quaries. Sigh.. My brain feels so much like an empty nutshell.

Had dinner at home. Had to save on dinner given my heavy credit to Comfort and Citycab income with all my cab fare and gratitude payment. Was watching "En bloc" on Mobtv. Yes, I subscribed. The show made me realised suddenly on something rather of significance:

I actually didn't love somebody, I wanted that somebody. Both were two distinctive different things. Oh dear...suddenly realised. Told this to Mohan over our late-night coffee chat. He replied I just love challenges. I thought otherwise.

De one with I Want

Everyday's a little about Jason

I want a big place to live in, enclosed in glass so that the lovely sun can glamorously shine through them, lighting the entire room of blue paint and art. My art. There should be a spacious kitchen, although I'm a bad cook, wouldn't mind some space for fun-mess. I want a wardrobe room so I could display my 40 shirts, accessories and smittening colognes. I want to wake up in the morning, hearing the tranquil water of the swimming pool beneath, have my foot touched the cool, smooth wood and the comfy carpet.

I want to smile and bring delight to people. I want to have eye contact to convey endless sincerity. To move them with my sweetness in all the thoughtful things, considerate-acts, tolerance and kind thoughts for them. I want people who are nice to me and simple as they can be so we wouldn't engage into cunning treachery, tricks or "politics"..leave the politics to the legislative bodies man.

I want a Peugeot convertible. Not forgetting my driving license first. As much as I love speed, I wish I could run and be healthy as I grow. Likewise retain my boylish looks and my wisdom, acquired through growing knowledge.

I want to be a reputable accountant. An auditor to be exact. Yup, it's about being successful in career because I REALLY love my job now, despite sometimes it can get abit sitcky with problems! Nasty old superior image would be a big NO NO. I want to be approachable and loved by my juniors. Oh.. I want to be. As much accepted as my current clients do of me.

I want to be happy and enjoy life as much as I can and if there's any, GODs of all religion permits me be. Very much as I want my family to be. I hope every year I have lots of presents and celebrations for my birthday!! So guys and gals, start cracking your heads. Don't forget your sewing kit for broken pockets! EHehee

I want to be ..I want to be.. Never losing, always free

De one with Whispering Truth

Warm day

It is night time yet it feels like a built-in sauna at home. "Cold" ought to be the word to describe this lonesome home which my ahma live in and deprived of people. Years ago, it used to include my aunt, who would be complaining about my younger brother who is not cooperative; Mummy just got home from work, nagging at Daddy who's too engrossed in reading the Straits Time, to stop reading and eat dinner, grandly prepared by ahma; Jasmine would have returned home already, just bathed and came out of the toilet; Uncle, talking loudly with my Mummy. I have always woundered..if all this crowded scene still exist, all my worness from the day's work would be forgotten when I'm greeted by this rosy scene upon my return in the evening.

I wouldn't be eating Subway for dinner. I wouldn't be buying KFC for just my ahma but my entire family. Or perhaps I wouldn't even have to..because Mummy would have bought us something. I guess it's very likely I inherited her genes. Splurging money on food for the family.

I doubt I'd have to exhaust my friends, asking them out all the time, yearning for attention. Mummy would meet me for dinner. Only this time, she wouldn't have to foot the bill, it would be her try-to-be-fillial-son.

Not to even mention about being lonesome, very much like what ah-ma must be feeling now. I feel sad for her. Which explains why I have been coming home early when nobody wants to go out with me. Which is a good thing too bah.

The truth fades... from the loud family conversation, reduced to the present "Lei Di Hu Sheng" (this live-radio).. Like a whispering truth, never to be heard again.

De one with Am I That Pretty?

Clear skies

For no reason, even my clients' nicknamed my "handsome boy" because I look pretty or "mei" (means pretty in mandarin). Darn.. my close friend, Clara (aka Dalelala) calls me a "vain-pot".

It kinda bugs me.. recalled once I asked Mohan about what can I do to become less "pretty" because "pretty" sounds so.. erhum, girly?

Oh..hell, he said I should cut my hair short..don't know if it's true or he's just entertaining me.

Haiz.. Today I was "summoned" back to office. No more sleep late till 7+am. Was up around 6am, went to the park to jog..something not done last week. Actually, nothing much to be done in office. By 11:45am I packed up and left for Bugis after asked Rebecca (who will be leaving for Indonesia with Efi for their audit in Jarkata).

Lunch was quick at TCC. How long could lunch take when I'm eating alone. Then again, the chilly feeling of lunching alone lasted long. Sucky. Hmm.. Why not share what I had. Something off the new menu (which deprived me of my favourite "Triple C Palinni"): Garlic chicken pasta.. Ok la.. but they included mushrooms..no thanks.

Went to client's place and discovers the door was locked. So I headed down to the lift lobby until Mdm Chia turned up 10 mintues later. Saw she was carrying this large plastic bag which contained what..10 packets of tissue box and offered my help to the elderly lady immediately. Poor thing she.. Bet no auditor has ever done this for a client. I was glad I helped.

Came home quite early because the company staff had to leave for their respective medical appointment. I went to J8 to get dinner for my ahma. Yong Tau Hu..her favourite. However, the evil aunty put so much chili - FULL LADLE-DEPTH - onto my ahma's Yong Tau Hu before I could put an end. Back at home, it was so spicy my ahma had to dilute with warm water and rinse the excessive unbearable chili-content. %^$#%.

I had beef-noodles, altough I didn't really like beef la. It's Moooo lo... Dear God, forgive me. Ey! I'm not Buddhist or Indian.

Well, today's spent. Tomorrow's a new start and my audit requires me to touch on the investment part - something I've never done much. Oh well.. looks like "pretty boy" gotta dawn my battle armour! Brace yourself, the err.. Auditing-knight has come! Urahhh! *muscle pose*

De one with Bye Bye, Hell Week (Color Coated)

Sunny

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! After working for 8 hours coping at home, I can finally bid goodbye to two weeks of dreadful "project hell week"!

Throughout my work, I was pretty unsettled because told-tale that our mobilisation might today. Couldn't concentrate much..yet bearable lah.. still managed to complete my tax journal project. After which I texted the guys "Don't box me if it's not relevant!" =P

Oh dear, I am so EXHILARATEDLY overjoyed and relieve!

Yesterday went out with Mohan, although we never buy anything else, except this Olivia Ong CD and our Lonely Planet guide from Borders, we had fun discussing our vacation plans vidly over coffee.

Getting ambitious! Target to complete my United Malayan Pineapple audit by Thursday or even better, Wednesday.. So far pretty fine. The elder aunties (over 50+) there showered me with lots of care and concern through their thoughtful reminder for me to drink plenty of water, eat my lunch.. I couldn't be more appreciative!

I remember they didn't believe when I told them I have been through NS. *Laugh laugh*

Mentally drained but great week. Cheers!

De one with Sun-sick

Sunny

Could never expect myself to wake up so late (10pm) in the past!! Now that I've started working, it seems the norm!! Jeeze..

It's Saturday yet there's still one more hurdle that's bugging me. Sigh.. taxation project. It's gonna devour my weekend.. arrggh.. I need break.. haven't been out shopping the entire week!

And one more lamentable news..the SUN! Damn, I could have make good use with some sun pouring tan on me.. Out of the sudden, thinking of this deprivation of having gone under the sun is developing sun-sickness in me.. oh dear. Shed some light and retain some glow in me!

De one with Angered Demoralisation

Fuming

Give me a blank piece of paper and I will draw you an exclusive card. Give me anything and I would do my best. Even when you want the stars and the moon, Jason will attempt every means to acquire them.

However! F* You know what I can't bear? It is being criticized for my hard work. Feels like a sharp slap in the face. Eh, my project mate gave a very negative "this is all rubbish" comment and out-ruled it. F*

It's liked I've been kicked down the ladder of confidence and on top of this, your comment, be it casual or moment of brain-damage, came crashing down on me. Resulted all these disbelief effervescing out of me. DAMN it. F*

You know what? Nevermind.. just go away for your unappreciated words are so unwelcoming.. F*. I just ate two chocolates because of this.. now I'll jus go chew on my new bought vitamin C to calm and replenish my health. Or look at my chipmunks soft toys..

De one with Cabbies

Monsoon's coming

I reckoned I've been getting too lazy nowadays.. being late and hopping into a cab seems like brushing teeth. So does my saving plan which was busted. Oops. Morning rush~~

Cab trips was a total unfamiliar thing in my life until my army days when the frequency of cab boarding increased. Just couldn't carry the tonnes of package everywhere right?

Cabbing reached its octave ever since the office shifted to Henderson Road. Oh, for those who never know, my office shifted to 213 Henderson Road. *Clears throat* Secret admirers feel free to post your gifts here? And of course, no Anthrax or hoax mails please..

Anyway, hmm.. i'm recollecting my encounters onboard with.. different, interesting cabbies. Figured I enjoy the chat with the uncles and at time, aunties. Mostly males nonetheless. Ok, no intentions to start any sexism debate.

You should try, might just learnt a couple of new things, information, inspiration from these temporary chat.. For me, it amplified my social skill and confidence. Puts it to practice everytime I speak. Apart from my gain, most probably, the cabbies feel good too? It's a win-win-communication channel! Yiihhaa! Ok, maybe not too much..

Here's my start-off sentence to strike a conversation : "Uncle, so how's business today?" or "Business must be good today?".. the best part is to learn about their lives.. I've spoke to different cabbies.. some who spoke of life as it is. They talk about their life situation.

Some talk about their army days. Normal guys chat. I guess that's a plus for having served National Service? Hehe..they could just go on hours talking about how their segeants torture them, the old tales of bad food, toughness of training and exercises.. I tell them of the radical change towards the army mindset..hehe.. 7 out of 10 would be shocked to hear I've underwent NS..and their eyes will pop out and vomit "huh" when I disclosed I was an outfield gun spec in artillery. Very likely due to my sizE! Oh dear..

There were a few who talked about religion. Some could reeally get on nerves.. religion's definately not one topic to debate. Barely mentioned about discussion of opinions. Some starts their preaching and "It is important to have a religion" promotion after learning I'm a free thinker. What's wrong with being "single" and not "attached" with a religion? But I must say, there was one particular Catholic who drove me from Changi Airfrieght Centre to campus in Clementi. We had a pleasant chat through the long journey.. talking about some mild content of Chirst.. how to put it? Something like "there's 3 forms of god, God himself, the Holy Spirit and the Son"? We are peaceful minded people..hehe Obviously, I was in a calm mood. It opens my perspective to learn..facts..which is heartlightening.. stress-free chat. Lovely.

There were a few who are doing good outside and hence, driving for leisure purposes. God, I just admire their passion and freedom to do what they like.. more vitally, their easy-going attitude. Fortunate. These are the uncles who advise me to try new experiences, venture until I find something in which my passions lies. Dreamers-mentality. Worry-free..haha

There are empathisers who asked and feel bad having asked about my Mummy and Jimson. I'm cool. Though it fetches some grey clouds over my head at times. Emo-triggers but kind souls I must say. Their words of comfort feels like a gentle blanket onto my shoulders.

I believe generally, the cabbies are looking for pleasant customer experience as much as we expect equitable service from them. Seriously, I don't understnad why there are nasty passengers. Of course, I shall reserve my bit on those really mean taxi drivers.

Alright...don't think I can continue anymore.. brain dead..slept only 3 hours yesterday..after a killer from consolidating 3 persons' work. One didn't really do her part at all.. and I had to redo her parts as if it's my own.. faint.. nvm lah, our marks on stake!

De one with Penny for a Thought

Fine weathered

Many times, we may not know who or how important we are to someone else. How our actions and behavior impact their psychological and emotional state. Especially so when one's fond of you.

Some left live, some suppressed, others explicit. Whichever it is, I just hope, those people I love and who loved me, I have been giving you fulfilling joy in this instance when you guys out there know, I'm typing my special thoughts down for you here.

De one with Before Mobilisation Starts

On medical leave

Early morning Ah-ma was annoying me with her wake-up call. As much as I appreciated her for this, it's a paradox because it can really get abit unpleasant. *teeth grinning*. Who wants to be bugged at get up in the cosy morning.

I never turn up for work today. Supposedly commencing audit at United Malayan Pineapple. But turned out visiting the doctor, Mrs Vida Chou for my headache and cough. Came home, took medicine and watched a home video until the medication took effect and caused me asleep.

Met Mohan at Beach Road army market in the evening. Had to have our uniforms "decorated" with all those new required badges. Uncessary alot might say. Like we had a choice coz tomorrow's start of our standby period.

Despite my planning, this cabby was driving dreadfully slow (FYI: 30-70 Mph) faint.. I was in the rush and feeling aweful because I knew Mohan wouldn't like it if I'm late. What else I could do, he was an old man, who seemed to be exhausted from a day's driving. Could tell from his slow breathing and some "falling asleep" position as he try hard to keep awake. That left me weary for my safety, replacing my prior anxiety of being late.

To compliment, the auntie at army market was fast, "gao dim" ("settle everything" in Cantonese) sewing the badges and new name tags within less than 30 minutes. Amazing. After that both en route home.

On our train journey, I didn't talk much to Mohan. Partially because he looked so stern. When I asked he replied he was stressed. Partially I supposed I was boring! Else, he's pissed with me for being late ba.. I wish very much to communicate everytime I'm with someone. Just sometimes, I don't get response from the other party and I just back up and keep quiet instead. Mohan is someone who doesn't like to be bothered when he's tired.

Got off at Bishan, grabbed dinner at Pasta Mania. Chose my standard "Chicken Sausage, fusilli pasta". Just before I headed back by bus (saving $ alright), browsed and got some bread from Delifrance. Lovely.

Spent 2 hours just to pack 4 packets of the new standard field pack items for my standby. Tried to recall and did 2.5 years ago. Getting forgetful. Sigh.. Thank goodness, it's over for now.

It's meeting new client and completion of Corp. accounting project for tomorrow. Wonder if there's anything else to look forward to.. Oh yah, pray hard we wouldn't be mobilised!

De one with Improved Mood

Sunny

Happiness isn't completely a state of mind, it's more of the spirit and morale singing. I still believe in this in particular. Noticed there isn't much of frequent downpours occurring this weekend? Unexplainable but I feel much better since it always rains when I feel down and blue... *grinning*

This week was good. I met my god bro, Max consecutively on Tues and Wed. Tuesdays we went Vivo after my work to purchase my Samsung Omnia from Samsung shop. Cost me $1,098..but it was worth it in my opinion: A dream come true coz I really wanted to have one.

Daddy got me one using his line, initially. My shameful mistake to request for a white one which turned out not to my liking. Created a big fuss, called the operator and demanded a change. End up, my poor Daddy had to sell off the phone. Thank god he sold for a price higher than purchased.

Mohan explained over coffee tonight that my Dad and I had made a collective loss regardless of the few hundred dollars my dad received from the sale of the handset. Rather, I insist he made a gain and $1,098 ought to be treated as my personal loss. Well, the son's gotta admit he was a big time spoiled-brat.. was his bad to choose the wrong colour in the first place.

Anyway, it was really pleasant having met and catch up the good times with Max over dinner at Earl Swensons. On our second day of meeting at Ngee Ann City, I was on a moon-cake spree.. purchasing a vairety of snow-skin mooncakes from Shangri-La, Sheraton, Marc & Leonard.. they were irresistable. Got his japanese pomelo-flavoured "rabbit" pastry (around 90 bucks) for my colleagues. I never felt happier, having went out with Max. Totally enjoy going out with him.. it's the chemistry with him.. he gave me a handful of advices on love-management too.. about slowing down, being rational and making prudent decisions in my love-life. And I must admit, I have always been impulsive in my decisions.

What's next? Came later of this week was my fulfillment of promise to meet an old friend Andrew. Someone I met when I was in army. He's nice. Carried my heavy mooncake (yam mooncakes from Chinese Mandarine Hotel) purchased for my granny. Yam has always been her favourite and my Mummy used to buy every year. A couple days back when Ahma mentioned nobody would buy yam flavour anymore, I felt responsible to continue my Mummy's legency. So ya.. I took over. Perhaps I just love to Ahma happy. Perhaps it is through these we allow for reminiscences and personificate her pressence through the purchase of stuff she'd used to buy, now that she's gone.

Andrew offered a treat to an tantalising yet sinful dessert at Celene at Raffles Cit SC, basement. I had this sugary crepe which I was unable to complete la. At the end of the day, it was... simply splendid being able to finally meet up with this friend. Someone who had always been supportive through my past heart-breaking relationships turmoils. Well.. I supposed these pin-struck heartaches doesn't affect me much. I need a break.

That's becuase I'm happy. Yes I am! Spending time and having friends' company has became my priority. Just..taking a breather.. subtle the sadness and bring the joy out from within. Cheers~
*Champaign glass cling*

De one with Breakaway

Clouds, rain but no sun

Nowadays, I've been struggling with attempts to breakaway from my heartache. I can see that big question mark or the slanting lower jaw as your lips motioned a "huh".. Ok, here's a relieve..

Just like what I've texted Mohan, it's time for sunny-boy-rejuvenation! (Ok, FYI, I was a sporty person a few years back ok). I need to focus my energy on other things. For example, try new experiences like, perhaps driving. Chin Yu, no more bugging from you on this.. I'll learn eventually.. ha.. I shall plan my time wisely to incorporate this into my already-busy lifestyle.

How can a sunshine boy do without his tan? Promised myself I'll spend my weekend, visiting an old friend The Sun.. (here's a secret which can't be shared, oops) *speaks in discreet* it kissed me during my secondary, army, freshie days.

Max goes gym. Zhen Ze's recently signing up at California. Everybody's gyming.. how could I not be inspired? Eh, think it's about time I tone up. Ok, Clara and Mohan, I know, I will eat more in order to get fats to be converted to muscles. Dammmm.

I need to concentrate on my studies and work..both would fetch me closer to my ultimate realised dream: Hume avenue!! Yup..

Of course, another priority is to further-develop my filial-piety responsibility. Now, I'm considering spending once a week with my daddy, who's living alone at my empty bishan home. I mean, all these years, I've only been closed with my mummy. It's time to treasure those who will always have a place for me in their hearts.

Caution: The above mentioned includes friends. Close friends like Clara, Mohan, everybody.. who can't possibly be there for me all the time, but always remain in my heart, else prioritised-memory in circumstances where my heart is too capacitated.

For now, J is still running. Jeez.. seriously need to maintain my stamina. Besides, I'd even target to go the extra mile to push it to higher limits~ Upset I didn't participate in the AHM this year. *Nobody's willing to join with me* I still try new experiences..like Standard Chartered full marathon. Hah! Gabantte!

Although I keep telling myself it's time to become less pretty, appearance-maintainance is a must! This includes age-defining! Currently, I've resumed my visits to Anna, my beautician. Hehe. She commented since I'm so good at styling my hair and DIY eye-brow triming, I should have joined the trade of an make-up artiste. Eh.. I thought otherwise.. wouldn't that be too.. I don't know.. let's just say I enjoy drawing with my imagination which I think, is unrelated and inapplicable to live person's face?
And no, Mohan, not into fashion designing~

Well, I've achieve abit this year. Although my priorities and resolutions changes constantly since the beginning of the year. I've learnt to become stronger in times of extreme grief. My work's showing returns. My finance control's shown improvement in heavy desires towards a dream (You're right Chin Yu, life's more focused with a goal). My social skills have earned recognition in aligned with clients.

A director, who treated me lunch during my outstation-audit, encouraged me to enjoy too. Which explains my engagement of an overseas' vacation towards the year end. Primely purposes includes to learn, experience and expand my exposure!

Let's hope, sunshine boy Jason would shine! "Shine for Singapore, this is" MY "song..deep inside" MY "heart, where it belong it'll always stay. Strive for" MY "goals," JASON "will achieve, with" DREAMS and WISHES "so bold"..."Reach for the sky far and beyond"..

Not ready to spread my wings yet.. so..err..no Kelly Clarkson's song here "to blog"..hehe

De one with Parts

Disintegrated

It is my personality which kills me of people my heart's fallen with. Shortfall of sociability and thanks to B, who indirectly implied, affirmed by Mohan, that I wasn't any close to being sporty. To top the stakes of my despair, Mohan told me frankly that I was just being a despo. I wouldn't deny.. my unconcealed plead of guiltiness to the truth he's spoke off. I'm just so.. "emo"..

I'm so sick and tired.. really..well, likwise for everybody else, I know. I just don't see why I've become like this.

De one with Fantastic 23rd Birthday~

Happiest day after all these weeks

Ermm..there are videos and photos.. sadly all might have to wait awhile before I get hold of them for putting up!

Oh dear.. the candle of my age has denied gravity and grew 23 last Thursday. Didn't have much time to blog last week because I've been celebrating most throughout. Just grateful, my special day has fetched some light to relieve all these weeks of sadness~~

Last Saturday, tribal gang deprived me of my voice at our KTV session. Here's what happened on my actual day..

Prior returning to office, having done EIPIC special audit at Jurong East, Rebecca, Yi wei and Huimin were already delivering their lively birthday greetings via sms-es. In order to get back in time for lunch, I decided on cabbing back. Too bad, the pizza hut delivery only arrived around 2+pm.

We had 4 medium pizza (Hawaiian, Chicken Supreme, Seafood and Curry chicken), 2 garlie bread, spicy drumlets, honey-gazed chicken wings and 2 boxes of starry munchies. Too bad, Efi forgotten to make a separate request for chili-flakes and cheese. They forced me to eat 2 pieces lor..when I was already bloated having eaten 1 piece Hawaiian, 1 drumlet and 1 garlie bread. (eat too much heaty food no good.. cause pimples too!)

Lincoln and TanSing went out to get me a strawberry-laid cheesecake. Nice! I made a pretty long, "greedy" wish?!? Once a year affair, might as well fully utilise! haha. Kidding la.. only wished for what my heart's dreaming of becoming true.

The Jason tradition continues... gave out goodies bags, similar to previous years. I wrote short descriptions about my colleagues on their bags. hehe like that then interesting mah.

This year was better, instead of a slice of cheesecake from Starbucks, I had a whole cheesecake and a feast? Present was bigger but I had to stripped countless layers! My colleagues! In the end, it turned out to be the packet of biscuits with icing (which Rebecca bought for me during her visit to Rodex at Tanjong Pagar). Efi said they wanted to remind me that I haven't eat this yet. My goodness.

Then came another present, which Rebecca said is my rightful present. Sigh....... erm.. kinda disappointed when I unwrapped it to discover a girly forever friends mug. They all asked me delightfully whether I liked the present, guess my facial expression gave my disappointment away. No choice lah, gotta say it's ok. I even disclosed tribal gang got me similar mug during my 21st birthday.

My boss, Gabriel, came to comfort me loh.. asking why they so cruel to me as to get only a packet of biscuit and mug.. He funnily suggest to present me 50 bucks from our office's petty cash. Sigh.. Honestly, I seriously questioned my popularity and importance in the office to have received such gifts lor..

I was thinking.. perhaps it's just my luck ba.. everybody don't seemed to value me as a friend on my birthday. Felt like tearing. My disappointment didn't last until 6+pm. There was this courier guy who came in with a parcel addressed to me. It was actually a plot! Dammn.. Rebecca still lied to me that the parcel was from a new client taken up, and I was gullible to believed her.

Opened up and discovered an A4 sized parcel, with a picture of the back of a bikini girl. Geez.. "what the hell.." was shooting passed my mind at that instance. Then! Only when I discovered an A4 sized envelope, on which I recognised the deco (by Efi) did I figured out the prank!

My actual present wasn't the biscuit/mug. It was a Ripcurl boardshorts and the enormous card! They went through the rain and hard-efforts, finally locating the smallest waistline 28 at the Citylink branch. Geez..*tears*

They aksed me to try on .. so I was in my shirt and ripcurl boardshorts. Hilarious combi.

Left office pretty early, brought an ice-cream cake from Thomson Plaza's Swensons in order for a second celebration with Jasmine and ahma. It was simple but heart-warming. Never thought I'd enjoy my special day with mummy and Jimson disappearing from my life.

*Dear Mummy, Jimson, I'd give anything to have you both present to celebrate my birthday like always*

Before I slept, I read the card which my colleagues wrote. Most of them included God's love is with me. Else, asking me to eat more! Nonetheless, I was deeply touched to tears.

*To all my fellow colleagues at Gabriel Ng & Co, thanks for everything and this remarkably fun experience on my 23rd birthday! One year plus and I'm so glad I have such nice, friendly colleagues to work with*

The next day, Janet from AblePack treated me lunch at a Japanese restaurant.. Met Mohan for our mini-belated birthday party..we ate at "The Big O" cafe restaurant (duno if I've got this right), some place we've never been to.. watched 12 Lotus at the Cathay. It was not really fantastic but in my opinion, it speaks very deeply on the complexity and speaks bold of those helplessly in love. Good work, Royston Tan!

*Mohan: I can't help thanking you for being such a dear friend whose's willing to go out every now and then! The late night coffee chats and accompany! Thanks*

Remarkable birthday boy had an AWESOME birthday week! Though there were a few whom I was expecting something, didn't really deliver.. I'm just contented!

*To B, thanks for your short, distant but heart-felt wishes.*

*Clara: Big separate thanks for the adoring Chip and Dale pushies. Everynight I'll smile whenever I look at them beside me before I sleep. Not forgetting your endless support as a friend, your precious time, supper and efforts to purchase the present on the gang's behalf!*

*My dear dear tribal gang members: GekKiak, Jessamine, Weicai (wherever you are), Ivan, Loo Wan, Kok Sin, Jielong (in US studying), Weili.. it's been honorable sticking as friends for 5 over years. Our friendsip will forever be treasured in my heart. Thanks for remembering and/or celebrating my birthday every year!*

*Emerson, those who sms me your cordial greetings. Thanks thanks!*

De one with Heart-shattered Again

In tears

I have given up love, loved and lost all happening within 3 days. Too much to bear over my past. Silly infatuations and gave my heart out too easily. These are the main reasons.

Am really losing my confidence in myself to ever commit into anything again.

Perhaps it's karma. Perhaps.. sigh.. nevermind.

De one with Gang Celebrates Birthday

The night was still young

Yeap, it was non-stop action since Friday night after I took a cab home. Worked until 3+am and I concassed. Regained consciousness around 8:30, Dalelala didn't give me my wake up call as communicated over sms in the morning before I went off to bed.

Troublesome OB assignment.. 950 words, took me like what? A night to complete. Not to mention those crazy evenings of gathering and reading through the research materials. Targeted to complete the dreadful assignment at noon. However, it spilled over till 3+pm. And that's not all, I had to rush to AMK central just to "house" my hardwork into a presentable file..agonizing why I never thought of purchasing one earlier.. or a binder.

Alas, I took a cab, talked to this interesting "fanatic about driving" cabbie, who drove with his thighs when he was showing me his amazing accomplishments of driving license. I must admit, he's good.

I instructed the chatty cabby to wait for me while I got off at campus to tender my assignment before hopping back up and balek kumpong.. crazy right? Craziness cost me over 19 bucks. Oh my..

As I thought poor me could get some rest, it was 5 and Loo Wan reminded me I had to reach Tampines Safra @ 6. Of course, I had a vaild reason to be late. Rushed down in a cab.. that's like another 19 bucks further from my "Hume avenue dream".. Ok lah.. thank goodness the dinner at the Sakura was ok. Loo Wan was suaning ("sarcastic") at me for feasting so little. Like I care! Buffet's about eating in variety, not about over-filling to make more than what you've paid. Very wrong misconception in most people!

We took awhile, as usual, before deciding on KTV at Downtown East. Sung until my voice broke. It wasn't until 3am before I went to meet B, chat, and sleepover. Well..

In fact, the celebration, though not every gang member turned up, the quarum was there. HAha. Too much church audit. Nonetheless, I was contented they got me an expensive gold cufflings from Raoul (didn't really like) but I gotta thank them! THANKS MY FELLOW TRIBAL GANG!


Dalelala "adopted" me two pushies. I've gotta tell you, it's like elixir of joy to me! Grown up and guy still like chipmunks pushies?! Wait till you see them, it'll melt your heart with glowing exuberance!
Don't you just adore them at first sight? Big thanks to you all, Dalelala~

De one with Turning Old

Oh---old...

On my way rushing back home in a cab, the conversation with Lawrence (the accountant from Fei Yue) kept repeating itself at the back of my mind, like an endless broken track. He had asked how old I was during our tele-conversation. I allowed him to go ahead with a guess which kinda turned out to be "25!". Sigh!.. At that moment, a big bead of perspiration flashed on my forehead. *Diao~*

Naturally, I was gracious enough to tell him calmly, in a light-hearted manner, instead of scolding him all the worst of language (damn-it). Sounded something like "no la.. haha, am not that old la.. only turning 23".. and he replied, "wa...... you've got a bright future ahead"..

Sigh.. am I that old? Well.ok... lemme "liquidate" all these sighs which I'm using. Daaammit..

Ok.. let's keep cool.. and what I did, I figured it won't hurt to take a peek on my handphone camera. Right.. can't deny I'm turning old.. that Jason on camera looked so haggard due to all the late night and depression. God... I need some sun in me..

De one with Lethargic

Accomplished anything but nothing

My entire week could be crumpled into a ball and thrown into the waste-paper bin. That opening gives it away. So much for doing work. My individual OB assignment becomes due in less than 48 hours and swear to God, I've yet to put my act together.

Everyday I've been doing nothing but continuing with my "secret". Might as well give me "one tight slap to wake Mr Dreamy Jason up!

Rebecca's not in office, my Ablepack was came to a haul due to some glitch which Efi and I couldn't resolved. Sigh. Thinking of it is already enough to cause quite a fair bit of headaches. Perhaps that's why I've been seeking relief in being dreamy. Haah.. No choice lor, I proceeded with MasterCorp.. smoothsailing job I tell you honestly.. That leaves 2 more to go (Ablepack and another special audit) and it's time for the ultimate Property job..* oh man*

Lethargic week.. really... I could have done so much..awkss! still coughing, geez and dear Clara is threatening my Chip & Dale happy pushies if I don't participate in the KTC session this saturday.. Yuacks..

De one with Sweet and Crazy about Love

Memories overflow

Humans beings are sophisticated creatures. Due to their remarkable intelligence which distinguished themselves from other species, it also provides them with vast capabilities. Capabilities enabling their five senses, to have emotions and many more.

I'm not exception. Believe everyone has their stories to tell. Stories of crazy and smitten things they have done. Some expressed it through actions, some evident in drama-series, on-screen in movies, most written in diaries, evolving into online blogs. Like myself.

2001
I realised my feelings for a girl in class during secondary school days. That was the first time I spent $30 plus to purchase bear, have in sitting in a mug and packaged in a piggy-designed paper bag. It was not crazy. Perhaps I was young and $30 was quite considerable and partially because I've never done something so obvious in my expression of infatuation.

2003-2004
Came JC, I denied my parents' permission to go out late with my very first ex. There was once I plead my friend (who turned 21) to help me subscribed a line for my ex. I even dug out my savings to get a handphone for my ex. Not to mention, collectively throughout our 1 and 3/4 years' relationship, I incurred bad debts amounting to 5K. *Ok, no clinching of teeth, it's past.*

Back then, I didn't know how to play the piano. But I own a keyboard. Hence, I put in alot of effort to learn Jay Chou's 龙卷风. However, by the time I mastered the piece, my sole audience left.

January 2005
Then came A around 2005. Unknowingly, my handphone bill shot to $1k plus because we have been calling and texting each other during my two weeks in New Zealand. Was doing NS exercise back then. On A's birthday, I sketched a drawing of the both of us, decorated the border and framed it with a glass panel from Ikea.

On A's examination day, I bought a pack of 7 essences of chicken. Wrote the subject and date on the individual caps, wishing A the best of luck. Got a wine holder bottle and Shiraz from my Melbourne trip. A was fascinated with Gundam models, there was once I got a Gundam Freedom model and packaged it with a Ripcurl T-sheet.

Gifts aside, there was once A worked on an assignment till morning. A texted and felt like like having Mac breakfast, I left home, rushed down to A's doorstep, just to deliver Big breakfast at 5+am in the morning. *I know, it's silly*

July 2006
Purchased a $600+ handphone, Samsung E900 for R.

Haha, actually not much, but I must admit, these things were unimaginable. Didn't know what got into me to have done all these foolish things.

Of course, I wouldn't deny perhaps it's incomparable to other touching and great things people might have done for their loved ones. Which explains why they lived happily ever after and mine keeps... Nah.. just kidding.

We always do things willingly to bring joy to others, as much as we derived joy from doing so. Which is what's important and nothing more satisfying than that. Just hope someone you care for as much does appreciate and would be willing to do likewise someday. =)

De one with National Day 2008

Wet evening

Happy birthday Singapore!! Can't seemed to explain nor figure out why there's always a ceremonious passion on our nation's important day. What about you? Where and what were you doing today?

As for me, spent my morning smiling as I done granny a favour of helping her carry two bagful of give-out necessities which she collected from the Community Centre. Some give-outs for the elderly event I'd guess.

Nothing much after that. Was rotting my day away at home and feasting on chocolates, a packet of potato chips. Sinful. I know. Don't bother reminding me.

Was supposed to get my ars working on my OB assignment, which will be due next sat. Damm... all the materials are still un-moved. Instead, I was watching TV. National Day Parade was moderate. Didn't deviate much from previous years'. I sighted some of my favourite stuff like colorful lightings, spectacular fireworks, graceful water works.. what else can I say.. Saw something oldschool.. hearing the national anthem and reciting of the pledge with the right fist to the heart..brings back the good old-school-practice memories. Lol.

Went out eventually. Mohan text me around 8:25 for late dinner. It was an abrupt meeting. Well, we had coffee as usual, talking stuff, with me continuing with my endless yearning for some impossible someone. Geezz.. However, I'm just glad to be there for a friend.

De one with Cough

Dizzy day

Today its back to work after two days of medical leave. Heartache first thing in the morning when I had to take a cab down to work as I was running late. Unknowingly, a surge of dizziness creep within me since yesterday evening when I attended lecture. My entire body feels weak. Sigh. It can't be the medicine. I requested the doctor to give me non-drowsy ones!?!

Anyway, it's a day of battling with dizzy spells. When I walk around, I feel like as if I were stepping on clouds.

Craziest thing was I took a cab to and flown from office to campus, got the required textbooks for my OB project and back to office, all thanks to my scattered-brain. I forgot to bring the required notes which I left in my office cupboard the last time round.

On my way back to home, I proceeded with my "secret", occasionally staring out at the moving landscape, I let my fond thoughts wonder out to play within my head.. thinking if... well.. I think too much.. Perhaps let nature runs its course, wait and it shall be given

De one with Someone's Telling Me Something

Figuring through life's mist

After dinner, I received a text from my cousin and note miss calls from my home. Perhaps due to dreadful experience or intuition, my thoughts up-roared "not again, nothing must happen to any of my scared family members"... in my head, and my heartbeat pounding alongside when I returned call to my cousin who directed another number which belongs to my paternal uncle.

After getting the details, I hopped into a cab and rushed all the way from Chinatown (the place where I dined with my colleagues) to St Joseph's Home in Jurong West St 23. Learnt from my uncle that my aunt wouldn't last through tonight.

Although I wasn't close to my aunt (whom we addressed as "gu gu" or "paternal aunt" in chinese), we used visit her with our parents during every chinese new year. I recall those days of going to her one-room flat, eating crackers and watching "Journey to the West" which never seemed to stop broadcasting by Singapore mediaCorp or TCS at the time. The least I could remember was her kind hospitality despite she was a pauper and her gentle down-to-earth and strong character which left a deep impression since young.

She was a tough lady, working most of the time. Yet yesterday, the frail and thin lady lying on the bed before me, breathing on a life support machine, reflected a total contrary to my childhood impression of my aunt. It was heart-breaking to see her so thin and weak. I could do nothing but stare at her, and ask occasional questions to learn how she was admitted to the home for the hospice.

The last time I saw gu gu was at SGH with my ah-ma and ma-ma when she suffered hydra-inflammation in her lungs. What I never learnt was a month later, gu gu underwent an operation for breast cancer and was admitted to St Joseph Home thereafter. Sad thing I didn't visit her this year because of Jimson, my work and life commitments.

Last year, we just did our visit, without Mummy... just Jimson, daddy and me. This year, one more member passed away just like that. It sorrow emerges, the grief resurface and heart drowns in tears again.

On my journey to SJH yesterday, I kept questioning myself.. what is it which I've done wrong to undergo this dreadful thing over and over again.. Is it my bad karma? Painfully, I screamed in silence, if there was a God, what is he trying to tell me? Why has it got to be upon my family to make me go through these recurring pain... someone's telling me something...

De one with Sunday's with Clara

Clara day

Yesterday night I have been racing against time in order to produce my part for the accounting project. It lasted from 12 noon after I got back from a knowledge-acquiring cum heart-lightening coffee chat with Mohan at Thomson's Starbucks. All the way till 5am. Basically, the my parts included finding and elaborating how accounting standards were being introduced and developed by both Internation Certified Practising Accountants of Singapore (ICPAS) annd Accounting Standards Council (ASC). Also, to read and comment about Financial report standards of Singapore and that of the Australian accounting standards board. Particularly, issues concerning intangible assets and property, plant and equipment. Imagine having to read chunks of words in the middle of the night... totally wicked.

I thought I woke up at 9am. Supposed to meet Clara 12 noon @ Queenstonw MRT. Turned out I was freaking late and only arrived 1 pm with the poor Clara waiting at one of my favourite diner restaurant - IKEA. It was crowded. Managed to get a reasonably sumptuous lunch.: Clara had poached salmon set, two chicken wings and (join me in applause) my favourite Swiss meatball! *ooo I can see your saliva drooling*

Besides the meatball, my main objective was to purchase a jar-liked-bottle for my secret. And thankfully, I came across one! Lovely. Miss Crab? She did good with a jacket cover.

We headed to Centre @ Clarkquay to search for chip and dale soft toy. Disappointingly and sad, there were none to be found except the large ones which Clara wanted to get last month when we were in Cineleisure. Worst was when I reeaally wanted to get these at Cine later, a girl took the last pair. The letdown struck my heart in two like an unstoppable lightening.

We went Paragon to browse Crumpler store. Spotted one blue, red and white bag which was nice. I bought a blue Nike running singlet, replenished my CK Eternity cologne and got a new pair of adoring cufflings from Raoul.

We took a bus from Hereen busstop advanced to Suntec City. There, Clara did some shopping, in aid of her sister for the company's farewell gift to Gek kiah (GK). Ok, you look lost. Clara's sister happens to work in the same company as GK. Due to studies, GK is quitting her job and the company wants to get a farewell gift for her. Since Clara was out, her sister pleaded her help to obtained as it was urgent. Phew...so much for illustration of other's business.

Anyway, dale-lala was getting the Nike water-bottle for GK's gift when I discovered another yellow cum white running singlet. You should have been there to see how dalelala was monstrously discouraging and forbidding me to proceed with the purchase of a second singlet. Eventually, I got through lah. Hehe.

We settled dinner at Cafe Cartel since dalelala mentioned about the tantalising pork ribs available there. I preferred texas chicken to pork. After that what else? We jalan jalan by foot to Bugis. Hehe. By then, most shops were closed. But I still managed to get my underwears just seconds before the closure. Thereafter, we chilled out at our last stop at TCC for desserts and tea.

It was a wonderful Sunday. At least, it took my mind off certain upsetting issue and my heart lightens up with jokes and silly things like: putting food twice in my mouth when the waiter approached me. What's wrong with me? Yesterday at Starbucks, I actually told the sales-assistant to have my oreo-cheesecake warmed up. Jeez..

De one with 6th Day of Missing You

Miserable

This morning, we rushed our Fei Yue report, just in time for their meeting which was at 6:30pm. Surprisingly, the sense of achievement and relieve weren't felt within me. I let out a sigh and a dreadful blank emotion was charged up in my sian (tired in Hokkien) mind.

Yiwei helped me with the reports preparing when I received the signed documents from Lawrence, the accountant. I felt so helpless.

Anyway, it's done. I left office around half past seven. Initially decided to just hop into a cab and take a speedy ride home. Thankfully, my inner-self reminded me of my "Condo" dream and changed course to the bus interchange where I took a long-hour journey back on transIsland bus 851.

Keep your jaws and eyes intact.. I cried on my way home. Unmanly? Embarrassing? Hell with it. Was listening to some Jay Chou's sendimental songs and heart-ache tears clouded my vision, and streamed down when the corner of my eyes couldn't hold any longer.

That moment as I looked out at the sight of Chinatown, brightly lit and glamoring its passengers, my vacant mind disengaged for the vocalisation of Mohan's, Ben's and others' opinion, which made me realised how pragmatically foolish I am to keep feeling depressed over somebody..

Worst of me even to think of folding hearts which A used to fold twice for me. A personally torn the first one because I was too shy to receive it. Why am I such an introvert?!!

I suddenly recalled there was something a very sweet thing A would do. That was folding a heart out of a bus ticket. Well..partly because bus tickets are obsolete, which kinda contributed to more delight due to its nostalgic feel.

When I got back, my heart melt with gratitude when I found the heart A gave me 3 years ago, safe-kept in my TOUGH-wallet. After while, I learnt how to fold the heart myself and made myself a secret promise with God, whom-heaven-concerns.. for my lifetime happiness...for my lifetime..happiness.

De one with Unforgettable

Gloomy filled the day

It's not use torturing yourself! Get over it and move on.. that would what a rational Jason ought to realise. I did.. 3 years ago. However, like I've said in my previous blog, a spark of devil's work caught me off guarded and I succumbed to my spur of immorality.

Along with it, all deep feelings that I thought was dissipated, rejuvenated miraculously...and the chronic depression infected my heart at tremendous speed. Lately, my presence in office was like an eclipse, casting shadows over the warm-yellow painted office interior. My colleagues can't help mistakenly feel my demoralised mood was due to the undesirably long and relentless Fei Yue audit.

In fact, my desperate misses and reminiscing unforgettable memories were the main culprit for my down-mood. The remembering of being hugged, sweet moments made me feel the bitter sweet heartache.. hurting so much the silent cry took precedent of my emotions.

Sadly, my work got adversely affected. I couldn't concentrate not complete anything!!

At the back of my mind, another problem was bothering me. My suspicions about my health begin to grow concern gradually.

The medication? Mohan went out with me for dinner at pasta. He was like.."I'm gonna slap you" when he tried pointing out my mistake. Unfortunately, I continue to procrastinate efforts to resolve the problem which was the root of my unhappiness.

I bought chocolates. A medication for a broken-heart. Sadly, it'd only tide me for the next 12 days. More than enough, Mohan opinioned. Is it enough? Yesterday, I mentioned even a gallon of choc wouldn't subside my "devastation".

I'm so outrageously immature I know, to continue struggling in this never-ending pain. I shouldn't have to be this way... when I know what the odds are..

Ooh.. Jehovah, please grant us a common pave that leads to eternity? Can putting on eternity cologne make it easier? Just as long I don't hurt anybody.

De one with The Hug

Late night Sunday

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

This entire week I've been going back to office almost everyday. Believe it or not, I went to work on a sunny sunday at 3 and only left office at half past midnight.

Fei Yue..what else..

Lately I've been distracted at work. More of my heart singing for something or someone else. Over and repetitively in my head, I kept thinking, if it weren't for the tight embrace, these feelings wouldn't have been stirred up loose once again.

I thought i had it all within my control.

Jee.. I still miss you alot, A... so badly, it hurts like how it felt 2 years ago. Very much did I want to tell and thank you for being the critical reason I have became sociable like who I am today.

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."

De one with Wretchedly Sinned

Grey

A gallon of chocolate can't conjure a single drop of happiness to turn my charcoal-heart, so badly and irreversibly ruined with the flame of sin.. with scorning intensity that might have been flames from the deepest shadowed pits of hell. I've never felt so down-cast before.

No angels will weep for they have took flight and departed distant from my pressence. If there was a God, I reckoned he'd carry me on his back. Not even the Buddha in our hearts would sprinkle any benevolence unto me. All blessings seemed abandoned.

The flowers I breathe upon wither like melting plastics. And the undissipated stench of roted deeds effervescently cloud above and surrounding me. Ay... I've sinned.

I feel utterly lost. Life appears like a piece of tissue. Crumple with the slightest force, blown miles away with e gentlest breeze, frailed instantly when smeared with water.

I knew I should move on, but shamefully, I've never ever learn to let go. Disgracefully hopeless and helpless. The tornado of twists in my life keep occurring and on. I knew it's impossible. Yet today did I realised I've retained so much (as it is growing) for you. I have even skipped class just to be there with you. Subjecting myself to oppression with willingness. Gosh, I really do me in.

Never knew what to do with my accumulating grieve as life is fading of colors, representing meanings.

No forgiveness would atone my sin, unspeakable beyond its fact.

De one with Shopping Alone!

Raining night

Today I skipped lecture. Was really tired of attending lectures after a chain of 3 days, supposedly 4 including today's if I had made my appearance at campus. Well, haven't been to shopping since it was either work or school. I decided to take a shopping "retreat" after I left work at 6pm.

Right from day start, this decision to skip lecture was clear. Got my mobile phone to send "invitations" to a bunch of people. Out of 5, 4 replied. 2 didn't. 2 couldn't make it. 1 could, however it turns out she had other appointment. Eh! so that means adding 1 to those who "couldn't". Hehe.

Nevermind about the disappointing effort. I told myself I'm not pathetic and went to Vivo City alone and courageously! Within 1 hour, I comfortably spent $358. Amazing? *erm.. I see your bulging eyes and dropping jaws. Not to mention..that obviously loud "WHAT?!"

Well, the main attribute was the shirt and a sweet collar-tee from River Island.

Managed to satisfy my temptation long born and restricted from the last time I was at Vivo with my colleagues, buying presents for office's July babies. Muhaha.

2nd runner up was home videos entertainment. A new show "Spiderwick" was released. Nice.

But the very bore move was taking "Heroes" DVD off the rack , after a few occassions of being caught in a dilemma on its purchase in the past.

Not forgetting, bought lots of candy from Candy Empire and Marks & Spencers!


Well, though not #1, my priority of going Vivo was to acquire printer-ink cartridge. Cost me $89+ for a twin package. Unwilling but can't help it. The lecture notes calls for desperate need for depleted ink.

Spending money like nobody's business is discouraging I know. However, it's been ages since I came out and coming out alone! Jee.. Lately alot of people have been singing praises of me being young, handsome. I doubt so?!? Or am I too naive to notice?

*Munch munch* I guess a humble pie is delicious for now....nonetheless!

De one with Giving Out & Not Returned

Cold despite the warm weather

Recently, I watched this Hong Kong drama "The Drive of Life" and a statement in one of the episodes, caught my attention and subsequently imprinted itself deeply in my mind. It says "give your heart out to others and others give theirs to you". Right now as I'm blogging, it kinda bear some familiarity with God's testimony or bible phrases.

Personally, I believe it's true. Partially.. not that true enough. Definitely, not this evening. As you know, I've worked at Gabriel's office for over a year. And it's kinda sad to declare my limited growth both in work and fitting in with my colleagues. Well, let's pave the exposure I've got.

It always seemed unclear about my proximity with my fellow work-mates whom, I reckon, are close to me even after 1 year on board the company. Perhaps it's my personality which they never discover or I didn't show or express. It's sad. Colleagues is one of the crucial factors to consider and I did honestly, thought of quiting because I don't feel belonged.

Call it jealousy or what (for all I care) but I've been committed in my job yet this new colleague just fit in because he can talk and he's new. Well.. it kinda affected me and getting on my nerve when I try to search what's the problem in me.

In the midst of searching for the root of problem, I begin to feel fed-up with myself. Jeez.. it's really detestable why I gave my heart out and it seems nobody give a daamm about me.

Well..then again, the angel Jason will advise giving doesn't mean receiving the same later. I know.. Am I really this utter failure? Am I really competent even if I keep trying? Dammm..

Moreover, I really dislike being so pushy and lost of direction. Sigh..

Heart-broken

I was the last person to leave office at 10:30 today. Nearly cried because somehow I couldn't help but feel perhaps I don't belong. Especially, the colleagues around. Honestly, no matter how much I do or the things I've done for the Company, I never really felt drawn close to them.

Time and again, it let loose and I feel the new colleagues fit in better with my seniors. It's like "marginalisation". Repeatedly, I keep consoling myself, reprimanding my over-sensitiveness and for goodness sake, I'm a guy who's ought to have an open-heart.

Perhaps, it's the innate Leo character in me, always wanted to be in the center of a group. Perhaps, I'm too spoiled with everything revolving around me. I'm too sheltered with love and attention since young. And partly, I'm too naive.

After Huimin, Rebecca and Alice left, I was so close to crying in the dead silence of loneliness. Nobody bothered to feed my mobile phone's inbox. My mind's abit exhausted. My heart feeling fatigue.. too heavy to feel anymore pain from being alone and uncared for.

Is there no one? Or are all these his testing on me? "Kindly grant me a break-through", yearns my heart, with tears gathering form thy eye-duct. "Pls... forgive my sins, mis-doings and clip a pair of wings on my back to alleviate all these shadows of loneliness, imperfections and unhappiness."