De one with Ahma's Hospitalisation

Unexpected

Early morning wasn't right. My frail ahma fell when she was trying to stand up from the sofa. It was too rush for me, when I took a look at her, she was in bed, sleeping.

Afternoon my aunt left me a missed call. I swear I was perspiring cold sweat as I returned her miss call due to phobia developed after all these years' experience.

Despite that fact that I had alot of work to do, the situation didn't permit me to complete them. So I packed everything home, emailed the reports to my email so that I could rush to the TTSH (Tan Tock Seng Hospital) to visit ahma.

Along the way to Heeren, before going down to TTSH (I had it planned), my mind lingered in thoughts on why everytime when it's near my examination period, all these unexpect events would appear. Unfortunate events.. which deprived me of my beloved family members eventually. Just.. =_=

I didn't have much difficulty locating the place, even when I arrived without any information on the rightful ward to approach. Was there but couldn't help getting a feeling that the patient didn't like me to be there. Ahma didn't look like she was happy to see me. Sigh. I know..emo's to blame. I wasn't put down. It's just the experience of visiting a family member in the hospital, this hospital where my mummy and brother took their last breath, it overwhelms me with fear and fuel my mind with heartache memories.

I was dead really tired, mentally shagged. Only as I sat beside ahma bed did I begun to recognise growing depression in me too. Perfect.. real perfect, I guess that explains why I need attention and care yet not getting any much.

Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes as I listened to ahma relate she lost her appetite everytime her emotions were affected by her misses for Jimson. This has directly resulted her diet to be affected adversely. Plus a pinch of stubbornness, refusing to eat didn't improve but worsen the condition. Now, she's being diagnosed with very very low blood-sugar levels or mild hypoglycemia. Sigh. The doctor explained to me her blood-sugar level is less than half of that of an average female around her age.

I can understand she's over-grieved by the departure of Jimson. I feel too. I mean, I think about him and cry alone. I don't blame her but I felt she should have been strong. We've always been here. I buy food to take care of her well-being. I just don't want anybody to fall ill or leave. Really really can't go through another funeral. I really don't. I've broke down too much all these years. I'm 23 years old and I've to experience so much heart-shattering events.

I care alot for others, except my facial expressions don't show neither I speak my mind unless I have the opportunity to. I'm completely clueless, why must life be so.. aiya.. family's broken, I'm not a happy soul.

Thought having collected Jay Chou's new album would fetch some happiness. I was looking forward to today. Turns out, it didn't because I was too concerned with ah-ma. I didn't have time to prescribe and medicate with chocolates today.

It seems the more all these makes life even more meaningless to me

De one with Young Age Crisis

Complaining

Being good was never good enough. That's why making the best out of everything forms part of my unspoken character-goal. Lately, things didn't go the way I expected it to be. Apparently, it's worst and far-fetched from what I thought it to be.

I might have complained, lament and whined repeatedly about my incompetence in everything. Same old bothersome problems at work, school, social personnel, whatever it is, it's thriving on my misery.

Who doesn't want to be the best? Sorry, I'm a perfectionist, though I act as if I'm easy going with anything. I was so disappointed when my teammate called me during lunch to convey bad news of our OB assignment. We got a failing grade. I couldn't believe I would ever fail a group's assignment. Stupid.

The greatest challenge in my life is social deficiency. I'm not anti-social. I just don't open up to people that easily unless I have to. It's not my fault I'm not born a fluent tonguer. Give me a break, you guys dun have to make me feel no sense of belonging.

I was really sad over dinner at the Marina Pier. Seriously, I don't feel attached to my company. To the extend, I feel I'm just another dispensable employee. People who are doing worse than me click so well, they got help. I'm facing all assignment alone. Else, how do I learn?

Really unhappy. Life's not fair, nobody says it is in the first place. But, don't have to be that unfair to me what...

De one with Some of my Favourite Things

"When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad"

Find these lyrics familiar? Yup, they are adopted from "My favourite Things" sung by original singer, Julie Andrews in musical film "The Sound of Music, 1965". I fell in love with the film when I was 9 -10 years old. Back then, apart from the opening credits song "The Sound of Music", I fell more for the song "Sixteen going on Seventeen" played in the film.

Not sad actually. Just sharing a couple of my favourite things (which includes my favourite things, places, food, atmosphere).

Let Jason start with the tangibles! First on the list *Drumroll*.. X-men. It was, it is and it will still be include on my list of favourite thing and deeply imprinted in the depths of my heart which stirs an ever-burning interest. Was totally hooked the first time I saw the animated series.. particularly, the Phoenix saga.. well, simply because it involved almost every X-men. A few recent years back, the X-men trilogy took the box-office by storm. I tell you, it was wonderful to see the cartoon personifying. Well, interest everyone except Mohan, who fell asleep while watching the final instalment of the trilogy. Omg. He never like impractical things la.. come to think of it, I feel abit bad for asking him along to view what he'd most probably condemned to be "not-worth-watching movie".

Second, *applause* Jay Chou songs. Not just my favourite thing. An elixir of life to be exact. Personally deemed of course. Listen to his songs, you'll feel better. Nope, JVR never pay me advertisement fee to prmote this eh.

Thirdly, favourite thing.. *cans knocking* drawings in my sketchbooks. These are precious collections of my inspiration during army and leisure time. I couldn't help admiting I had a few sketch books before this which is still safe in my keeping. The rest were stuff at home or who knows no where to be found. Those contained a sketch of myself, with reference to a photo of course. Except Jimson, whom I drew a life portrait. Darnit.. where did i left those stuff? There were a few other pieces I drew and gave to people. My office's window panels for example. I gave A twice, a sketch of us and a heart. Silly folly.

Fourth, *girls whining* I have a soft spot for cuddle toys. Like my bedside chip and dale pushies. I like Sashi bears and Tatty bear. None other than that.

Fifth, *ceremonial trumpets' fanfare* favourite dinner places. You guys and gals must listen up since I hardly eat much, surprise I have selected favourite dinner places right? That would be Swensons at Changi Airport (every year I must have a "firehouse" at any Swensons); Ikea restaurant and "glasshouse" Fish & Co. I just.. love the atmosphere. Nothing special or glam like hotel buffets. It's just my finest personal selections.

Sixth, *cheering* speaking of favourite dinning places I can't go without mentioning my favourite food. What? Yesh, I hear some faint-thoughts.. Absolutely right! Fish and Chips! Erm.. sorry to disappoint no gift for correct answers ley.. Cheese cakes, hotplate dishes.. bring it up.

Seventh, *paint spluttering*..Blue's my favourite color. But sometimes, I'm intrigued by the mesmerizing rainbow. Oopsey demsey. Don't worry, Blue. For I will remain faithful to you forever. Ok, crap. *No.. I said no throwing of trash at me..and don't you dare close this window.*

*RPG game level-up music* Moving favourite feelings, let's see.. Ichi, I love the burning sensation on my skin surface during sun-bathing. Love it even more when I'm radiating tan-complexion. Ni, the cooling feeling after having ran a long journey.

San, I love the accompany of friends, who enjoys just as much going out with me, shopping, watching movie, talking to me.*So, all my "limited-edition" friends out there, kindly call me to acknowledge if you really care about it after reading this blog*

Shi, I love chilling out at Starbucks, chatting and drinking ice-passion tea or caramel-mocha frap!! "Caramel is sweet, the mocha is bitter. That's why it is caramel mocha. It's like life, love in particular". In the past, I was paranoid if I never have an Ugly chicken puff during my every Starbucks visit. Else, it would mean bad luck. Haha..wonder where such baseless superstitious beliefs came from.. No more lucky charm food.. I just love the tuna petite now!

Go, I love waking to a morning, hearing the breeze tingling the windchimes, the sound of water from the pool, breathing citrus and scent of flora and fauna. More desirable to be greeted with a cuddling hug and kissed on the forehead (cheeks will kena pimples), with greeting aroma of big breakfast and orange juice..yummy..

Roku, I'd love the sight of a wardrobe room, exhibitioning my collection of clothes, accessories, facial products, slippers, footwear and my very own colognes bar-top cabinet. AHAha.

Nana, unforgettable feeling to do something nice to people, my family member.. Nothing's more gratifying to see their smile, acknowledgement and happiness over the little things I do for them.

Well...looks like I've mentioned quite alot. Yup, that's all I can think of. Anyway, it's supposed to be SOME of my favourite things..not all eh..

De one with Dumb Himbo

Clueless

How how? I'm becoming more and more of a dumb..er.. himbo (He Is Malicously Brainless and Obnoxious)? Ok, let's not panic. Let's just..calm down and figure out a resolution.

Although I'm not very good at studying. I'm ok with phrasing report. Use my brain for making efficient use of my observations and plan with my wits to deal with any impromptu situations. I figure out accounting issues, paint images of complex scenarios in my mind. Ok, I'm not that dumb afterall.

For now, I need to finish my job and just...mug all the way till exams. Ok, that's what I'm gonna do. I need encouragement hor.

Arhh... nowadays I've been anyhow only. Rebecca raised so many things I ought to have picked up but I just couldn't recall or it didn't occur to me that I ought to have noticed. Dumb dumb dumb. Oh well.. I just have to norish my brain cells with knowledge.

De one with Smiles But Nothing

Full-throttle

Work's just as tough. Thank goodness I managed to push for CCPL. Now I'm only left with the final analytical work before I can send the file into Rebecca's room for review tomorrow, hopefully. Yesterday, I stayed in office until 10:40pm to cleared Sanford Rose HK report. Gonna expect more clearing points for the main audit like tomorrow? Sian.

Well.. come to think of it, there isn't much in my life. All I can say is it's awfully stuffed with boredom and nothing else. Perhaps silly emotions put to play. I wonder what's my purpose in life.

Need a breakthrough yet there isn't any room for willingness to do something about it. No to even mention anybody who cares to offer help or volunteer to be with me. It's so stagnant. And it sux.

Nothing to blog today except work work work and smiles but nothing. So sian...

De one with Backlog

Brain dead

Woke up in the middle of the night, around 1+am by this frightening dream about a guy attacking my hallmate and I with a penknife. Apparantly, this burglar got through our dorm's door, lock-broken and all my hallmate did was stick a broomstick. I dreamt I was feeling feverish in the dream - it made the situation worst.

So proud of myself. Was disciplined enough to wake up early exactly at 6am and left house for work at 7:15. Interesting day to begin with onboard bus 175. It had a very different layout: All the seats were lined along the sides, facing each other, similar to that of an C130.

- Nice seats right? Nope, it's not a bar or cafe place -

The first thing I noticed was the colors (being red, checkers of black and white) and leathered chairs which gave away the fact that this bus was built in association with the F1 Grand Prix race. At the front were red leather, 3 seaters seats. The back consists of a row of individual black leather seats, designed to look exactly like a racer's seat. In the middle on the right window panel was a big 42" screen. I believe this bus was previously used in the F1 package?

Cool concept man. I couldn't help but be amused and entertained by the passengers around me. Thy behaved like chickens in a farm, turning their heads to scan this unique interior of the transport.

But work came nothing close to be as amusing nor interesting as morning's encounter. It was a dreadful, stressful day, filled with discouraging clearing points. Worse is these were sticky, like super glue. Once you get it touch with it, god bless, it's hard to shake it off. shake shake, shake it off.

I stayed until 10pm, skipped dinner but lucky we went out for lunch at Mc donalds as we couldn't da bao. There was a client in hte conference room (aka our place for lunch actually).

Work don't suck, people you work withcould attribute to work sux too. I realised I'm not so good and I feel people are backstabbing about me? Nvm.

It's inevitable but it always make me think do people really have to be like this? Then doubts of whether I would get something out of doing so much for the company and not being recognised or even achieving anything.

De one with Christian Columbarium

Cold night (Why must cold be in blue? Which is why I used red!)

The only times I had been to a columbarium were attending sorrowful arrears for my Mummy and Jimson. Never have I myself being there as part of my job. Today, I set foot on the grounds of the GOR. You could say this was the Part II of CCPL.

Remember I mentioned about the nasty aunties from Part I? The people from Part II are like the reversed side of the coin.. "In other words, please be true.. " (Fly me to the Moon) ok..oops, I mean they are alot nicer people, certified "none-backstabbers".

By the way, the place was in the plot for cemetries at Lim Chu Kang. Seriously, I had no idea on how to get there. Knowing if the red line (ie North South mrt line) would have my butt aching due to the long journey (or even worse, I might have to stand all the way if it's unluckily crowded), I took a bus 74 to head where I presumed LCK to be near West. Unfortunately, Navfone on my Omnia revealed this was incorrect. It's located Northern-West! Hehe. My flexible mind responded quickly for me to detour - dropped off at JE, went up to CCK and took a cab.

Well well, had little trouble as I only told the taxi uncle that I needed to go to the Christian Columbarium in English, which he mistook for the Christian burial cemetry. Until we reached the cemetry did we reached an understanding on my destination - the ONLY cremation cloumbarium.

When I alight from the vehicle, the manager PY, was already out from the office just beside the lobby to welcome me. I don't understand why but I recalled myself smiling widely, initiating a handshake and hospitable words came out of my mouth: "Yes I am (you see, he inquired if I am Jason), I'm Jason. You must be PY, nice to meet you!"

The same gestures happened when I was introduced to the two other staff in office. Truly, I was extremely surprised myself. My behaviour was so natural as though it's my everyday business.

It was weird. Deep down I had a prior understanding of how niches were selected, the different pricing strategies, what kind of niches, what are niches in the first place. But I let PY took the honour as the thoughtful man explained retentlessly about how their trade practice commences when I raised a question on how their sales procedures are carried out.

Apart from being nice, I found PY is person of interesting character. He is an embodiment of conscientiousness and meticulousness. He pocessess marketing skills, I must say, I'm impressed.

Bad thing was I had to lunch with the staff. PY drove us to Farmart to eat the least food I'd eat on Earth - Seafood. They scooped clams (CLAMS for goodness!) into my plate. I was thinking "Oh no.. it's so inedible. It's seafood. It's super rich in cholestrol". PY gave me fish which I hardly eat because I wasn't efficient in separating the bones from the flesh (Jimson would have done better). However it wasn't very nice to reject. So Himbo Jason had to swallow everything..reluctantly.

After lunch it was like 3pm. I stayed until 6:59pm before I wrapped up. PY offered to send me but I was faster in dialling a cab. Lunch was already enough to be undermine my professional independence. Call me weird or strict but I dislike having my client treating me. My professionalism principles discourage this. Same reason I didn't wish to put up photos or links to the GOR.

Today's audit experience was nonetheless an eye-opener. Apart from getting to see the stretch of road lined with secluded camps and deep-hidden airbases, visiting the GOR expanded my personal encounters at the sepulchral vault in the capacity of an visitor, direct-involved party, as well as an external observer.

The Columbarium re-mould my perception that it is all about rows of HDB-flats for the niches. They provided spaces on which Statues may be eracted, other products such as marble books, pleagues and even garden-spaces. Real unimaginable marketing-reaped ideas.

Overall, the people are nice as mentioned earlier. Mens in their 50's. Just like my dad. Except they were Christians. Haha.

Speaking of which, 5 persons asked if I was Christian: the Columbarium staff, a taxi aunty and Darren. Haha. Do I look or behave like one? I asked, two of them commented I'm nice, that's why. Omg. I tell you, this was the exact from them, not blowing my trumpet.

I ought to acquire a new calculator. Left mine at CCPL's secretarial office. Which the secretary was unwilling to courier it to me. Nevermind. Sayonara my long-yeared exam-companion. "We've come so far.. from a dozen lands" (One People, One Nation, One Singapore), I mean it's time for us to part. *one tear*

Alright. This Free-thinker Jason, signing out.

De one with Limit

Grey

Everybody, not forgetting everything they do has limit. An intangible ceiling which requires alot for us to seek our extraordinary strength to reach greater heights, which turns out often to be an extremely task. A break-through would definitely demand trillion times better.

I do not have fast-focused intelligence to figure things out instantly. I know very well, my forte isn't in science but in arts. I knew it too well, which is why I challenged myself to accounting.

Today has been a rather busy day. I cleared Ipac and yet it's haunting me. Troublesome but we resolved after much discussion with Gabriel. Let's hope the amended report can be delievered out of the oven so I can forward the documents to my client like serving the ball into their court.

Ipac wasted 1-2 hours today. Majority of the day I was occupied with CCPL. Evening I spent a short while to kill the "depreciation of plant property and equipment" of UMP. It's abit rush as I needed to go on study leave for my apporaching exams next Friday. Seriously, from the way things are progressing, can't help but think I might not be able to tender both.

All thanks to my undaunting ambitious target to complete CCPL by tomorrow. Turns out the client took longer than I expect to furnish me with the outstanding matters. Sigh. Fat hope I'll be able to achieve my target. For UMP, I am abit lost actually. However, I believe I'd just have to tied a few loose ends before I proceed with the consol. Pray hard I can finish and impressively send both jobs into Rebecca's room before I leave.

Actually, CCPL was an extra for me lor. Otherwise I could have better concentrate on completion of UMP and clearing my post-review proceedings on Sanford Rose (2 sets some more) which I completed in July and Rebecca is still reviewing.

I am supposed to be too workaholic to notice or pay attention to the hostility which is around me. I realised I can't talk properly. When I tried to speak, my voicebox was as though it was frozen and all I heard was squekling. Darn, I hate this.

I feel I'm not needed.. like I don't belong here. Trust me, sometimes I even thought of resigning. But I kept going against the odds, remaining optimistic. The clearing points from Gabriel was a full A4 size page. Initially, I was really disappointed in myself. Subsequently, I kept telling myself if I never attempt the clearing points, I'd not have learnt new things.

Unfortunately, I jsut feel... so.. incompetent. Plus, completely useless! I'm getting sick of all these man..

De one with Greatest Inventions

Dream day

Sunday. I recall I used to eat out on this weekend, with friends, with my loved one but ever since I gave up my "attached citizenship", I found myself to be home for dinner more than ever. Which is good. It's long since I've cooked. Today... i know you readers out there must be thinking I am going to mention about me resuming my menace in the kitchen, but I'm afraid I'd have to disappoint you. Although "Chef" Jason didn't cook, he helped in the preparation by grinding the "soh da biah" (butter biscuits). Hehe. My aunt is the one who cooked, my favourite "bah pah" (chicken cutlet). Rightfully, the ingredient should be pork, but I revamped and requested for chicken to be used instead.

With addition fries to accompany, no doubt it's a very sinful feast, dinner was equally yummy!

Disclaimer: The following are not exhaustive in relation to the topic of the blog. To students who have somehow arrived at my blog, please refrain from raising the examples in your essay. To educated readers who ain't receptive to what I'm going to blog about, please click the close button located on the top right hand corner of your browser. The blogger is of no liability or whatsoever, be subjected to any prejudice/biasness in the event/circumstance or any equivalent, for things which might be academically important which I might have left out. Neither is the blogger responsible for any examples/facts raised or used which may be an indirect/ (unlikely) direct infringement of intelligence property because I hereby declare, where any, they were mentioned in courtesy of whoever it might concern/affect. Any of such is pure coincedence and truly unintended. Peace. Hehe.

You must be wondering why all of the sudden I'd blog about inventions.. well, I was grinding the crackers into powdery form when I looked at this stone-pounder in my hands and wonder, wuao..if i didn't have this which enables me to pound and roll the crackers, I'd not have the luxury of preparing the ingredients for my mouth-watering diner, ceteris paribus (please, disregarding "electric blender"). haha.

All the "eaters" who enjoyed home-cooked dinner would be grateful to the invention of cookstove! Ok, a little history ok? The first gas stove appeared on the surface of the earth in 1820s, at a world fair in London. Since then, people have been blessed with the privilege of being able to cook, with ready-delivered fire from this amazing gadget.

Different trades owes gratitude to different inventions. The accountants must have been thankful to calculators and MYOB(!); lawyers - judiciary system; scientists - technology; doctors - Statiscope(?); Ministers - money; filmmakers - Cameras; seamstress - needles and threads, "Singer-brand" sewing machines; Bimbos - SK-II and Botox; Himbos - Steriods and sun-tanning beds(?). And the list goes on and on...

Personally, I think there are a few.. Not ranking but I feel, like many others would agree, lightbulb is one of the greatest invention, which we owe thanks to Thomas Edison (on the right). Eh, Edison ok.. so don't be mean to people associated with this name (darn.. stop spreading past rumous about his scandals and delete those "nasty" collections of yours). Erh.. ok..no paints splashing. Without light, I think the current Energy saving committee wouldn't have promotion-advertisements to make. Balestier wouldn't be flourishing with business. Lol.

Next would be mobile phones. You never knew, the first commercial on mobile phones was launched by the Japanese way back in the late 1970's. Wow.. In 1990's, I used to remember I was so amazed by Nokia's slogan "Connecting people" or something like that? My first handphone was way back in Secondary 1. I think it was a blue Nokia 8210. Sadly, it was stolen during recess when I left it in my schoolbag. All the strict school rules' fault! Students were not allowed to brign handphones. I remember when I was in secondary 3, I had to hide my handphone in my socks (since it was tall enough up half way my calves), concealed by my long pants.

Not implicating the elder generations and walkie-talkies, I guess most of us would feel incomplete without having the ease of speediest communication through our handphones. Even if we never used our mobilephone, not having one with us just makes us feel deprived one way or another.

Next would be drawing materials. I swear, without it, I'm better off dead because art's a loved interest of mine since I was a child. Haha. I'm just amazed with colours..seriously.. if u ever asked why or what I saw to have spur my interest in art, I really have no idea. It just..happened.. like our sexuality.. If only I had half of that ability in my studies.. perfect I tell you..

Anyway, think I've typed a fair bit.. so there.. some of the greatest inventions.. Applauding thanks to special pictures apperances from goggle.com (eh, Google, have some associating music? something like that of Yahoo~oo, can anot?) Hehe.. ;P

De one with Lazy Bum

Saturday (26 days to exams)

Pathetic Saturday night, home alone. Hmm.. actually the gang had an outing however I didn't want to turn up. I'm just.. feeling un-attached to them..majorly because I really needed some time to myself. Sort unsettled things in my mind and issues lying all over the places in my heart.

I thought I had alot of errands to run but nothing actually. Well, let's see shall we.. the first thing I did was to get a haircut at the usual neighbourhood. Yes, Mr Mugger, it's the one I told you about. This time, I tried something different. Like cutting my fringe short, generally attempting a clean image to look like a school boy instead of cover-boy?

My cousin, Jasmine bought breakfast for me, ooo.. my favourite nasi lemak. Can't believe it, after what, 10 over years and my taste haven't change. Eh, so guys and girls out there, i'm a very "zhuang yi" person ok.. ideal catch for you? Ok, I see those rotten eggs in your hands. Lalala~

Oooh..enjoyed my 101 Dalmatians II vcd. The one which Mohan discouraged me to buy. He said, "it's not worth watching". Turn out fine ley. I like it. Err.. life's stressful? I need some kiddy getaway la. Since we're discussing about videos, I read news from Menshealth that Desperate Housewives Seasons 4 (see right, with courtesy of Wikipedia and abc.com) will be out this month!! OMG.. so excited Why? Coz I have watched the first three seasons? Haha.. sexy things, thrilling suspence, romantic scenes... awesome!

Went to nap, woke up feeling warm all over, so I took a cool shower. After that I started working. Took a break, watched "Money not enough 2" on DVD which my aunt bought from Malaysia. The storyline and scenes displayed pragmatism. True about what Mohan once commented, Jack Neo's just waiting to get sued by the Government. The locally-produced movie opened with the Hokkien version of "We are Singapore, Singaporeans" to accompany the scene of united Singaporeans uprooting the ERP gantries and dumping it into the Singapore River from the Share's Bridge. Damn funny!

But I guess, the subseqent release of emotion-packed and reality-protrait overcame any black-listing for producing anti-government implied scenes. Like what my client told me before, it's about the "gan shang" (emotion-rousing in Mandarin) with how children are treating their aged-parents. As the Society evolved to become more competitive, we tend to neglect our values, fending ourselves with excuses of no time, because we have traded them for our material wants and never-ending desires.

Personally, I hold on to selected moral values? I dropped a few because I felt they were not appropriate in current times? More specifically, living in a strict, regimental family hierarchy? We don't hold our tongues because of undue influences. Of course, we have to regard their feelings and basic respect before we speak. But like my idol, Jay Chou, filial piety ought to stand priority. Guys out there must have agreed, especially those who had went through Tekong BMT, oh, we missed and appreciate our parents so much back then? No? Nevermind. This is my blog, you have to agreed. Haha

Speaking of my idol, I listened to 失落非主流 today..again. I searched for the lyrics (see below). It's about a love that has subsided. One party withdrawing, leaving writings on a card. The recipient struggling with retained feelings despite letting go. In my opinion, the chorus personify the confessions of a heartbroken. The fusion of "I understand, that's why I let go", "regrets", "didn't we agreed on searching and sharing happiness from being together?", "the distant dream as the love fades", "feelings too deep to be forgotten".

你的繪畫凌亂著
在這個時刻
我像氣氛純白的白鴿
甜蜜散落了
繼續莫名的拉扯
我還愛你呢
而你斷斷續續唱著歌
假裝沒事了

時間過了 走了
愛情面臨選擇
你冷了 倦了 我哭了
一開始都不快樂
你用卡片紙寫著
有些愛隻給到這 真的痛了

怎麼了 你累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了
開心與不開心依稀數著你在不舍
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻
我都還記得

你不懂了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚干了 放手了 后悔了
隻是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著
要怎麼停呢

[ Posted by AsuKa, adapted from his personal blog ]

Don't you agree, it's a sad song? Oh, I very much wish to put the youtube video here, but I didn't know how. Hack lah.. Wanna hear? GO PURCHASE HIS ORIGINAL ALBUM!!

De one with Lost

Global Warming

Morning routine was more or less the same as yesterday. Except it didn't drizzle. After an hour at the HR dept at ASC Barker, I rushed in a cab to a secretarial office located at Beach Centre, Seah Street for statutory audit.

Come to talk about it, it was the very very first time I threw tantrum onboard a cab. The cab driver wasn't concentrating.. he was like half-focus or not at all. I hate to flare up. I really do. But he's muddleheadness just pissed me off. Here are the attributing factors:

One, I asked him whether he knew Beach Centre is within walking distance from Bugis Parco, he keep mumbling repeatedly about taxis shouldn't stop by the main roadside. Kept showing me the newspaper article on that. Out of politeness, I acknowledged constantly everytime he did that referent gesture. I was receptive and told him that he could go ahead, charge through the ERP gantry so that he could alight me off at the taxi stand. He just went on and on about the same topic. I was thinking "can we move on?"

Two, I remember telling him very clearly and loudly that I want to change my destination to Bugis. Despite him reconfirming, he drove me straight to Seah Street. I was like.. ok, nevermind.

Three, he refused to stop even when we've arrived at Seah Street. It was a sideroad, stopping and alighting passengers shouldn't be a problem. There was a citycab ahead which alighted his passenger, mine didn't react even when I said I wish to mke payment. He drove through the entire stretch of the street and was approaching the main road, with the obvious implied intention to going out to.This was crazy. His folly action would land me further and further from my destination. Damn, I couldn't take it and exploded through raising my voice "Uncle, you could just now (when we were in the sidelane road. Now you're following this cab infront (to find the taxi stand when there's none to be foudn nearby) You could have just let me get off just now!"

Four, I swore I could have got off, however, he insist on making a three-point turn!!! In this narrow two lane road!!! OMG! Haiz. I have never flare up at a cab driver before! He had just expired my tolerance today.

The secretarial office is like like eveyr other. Nothing special. The moment I stepped in, the female personnel discontinued their chit chat and looked at me, all the way from my first step to the desk where the stuff I required are laid ready for me. I guess perhaps I was wearing a tie. when every other guys present there, didn't have one.

As much as I enjoy meeting people and visiting other places, I dislike staying for too long in a stranger's environment. It's normal for everyone else.. that lack of sense of belonging..

I bought lunch: Yoshinoya for Lincoln and myself. At the same time, I purchased my Biotherm facial product? What I got? Bought the ultra-rejuvenate eye serum, face-cleaser and this anti-ageing eye serum. When I told the sales girl (couldn't help looking at her masscare) my IC number, her reaction was exactly the same as the girl from Paragon. Both of them were taken aback and repeated "85.." in a disbelief manner. Just couldn't help wondering if it's a good or bad thing. Don't know if I look older or younger in comparison with the deciphered age from my IC number.

Went back to office. Somehow I felt distant. Everybody had little to talk to me. As though I was a stranger. Hai. Feeling detached. Lost...

Back at home, I was listening to 失落非主流 on youtube...好好聽 yet don't know why I started weeping. The song's a magic. It brings out all the inner frustrations and conjures all the particles of loneliness, failures, fatigue, discontent, inferiority.. bitterly accumulating in an ice berg clinching so tight to my heart until there's no room for release.

Sigh.. 27 days more to exams and I'm nowhere near starting. Still left with CCPL and UMP. Headache.

De one with There and Back Again

Some catchy opening huh?

Early morning I went running in the drizzle. Eyy... Still feeling sad nonetheless. Nevermind! I proceeded to client's place. First stop, I arrived at Methodist Girls School, in hopes of locating the Methodist Centre. Erm, good thing was there were a lot of little girls.. who were looking at me as I strolled pass the school foyer? Hehe. Sad thing? I went to the wrong destination!

HAHAHA. Ok, get up from your fall.. Thank Lady Mary at MGS, I managed to get a cab along the secluded Old Blackmore Rd. 10 minutes was all it took to have me arrived at the rightful destination: ACS Barkers. Of course, I'm not there to spread my charms again. I had trouble locating the Methodist Church of Singapore, located on the 4th Storey of the ACS building at first. Good thing my sense of direction got me in the office eventually.

There were another group of auditor there. From what I heard was Teo, Foong and Wong, a medium sized company. As much as I feel abit inferior. One platinum knight against four of them (eh, three of them guys weren't as good looking as me though). Ok, give you a vomit-bag. I don't know, somehow, I feel "inadequate".. If you've watched Ally Mcbeal before, you'd understand when I say I'd most likely be a "shrinking" Jason. The office environment wasn't very nice. I had to sit at a pantry table because the other auditors occupied a room and the outside staff's table. No scenary for me to look at. I required after year end bank statements for my bank reconciliation testing but this old aunty, Sally, wasn't cooperative. She shown me a face filled with "discontent", her eyes smirked with frustration, screaming "don't bother me" in an deafening, ultra-frequency pitch. Scary right?

Instead of covering my ears, I was smiling graciously, literally like Ken, Barbie's boyfriend.. (oh Saint at ACS, what's wrong with me). It was this moment I understood what it meant by what a particular Chinese proverb means "Xiao Li Chang Dao" (knife-ambushed smile in Mandarin) "Kin-kiang!" *swords clattering* Nothing la.. Professionalism overcame my anger.

The manager, Josephine witness her staff's bad manners, she dug the bank statements from Sally's desk for me. The only helpful person was her lor. I messaged Efi, I don't wanna do this audit next year.

The only thing which made my day was the school's surroundings. Anywhere outside the office. I must say, the school's nice. There had this Rome column-shaped canteen, there were garden landscape and a shooting fountain. The scenic was indescriptably beautiful. I guess my heart's inclined to sight of gardens, feel of afternoon breeze, tranquil sounds of water. Paradise.

During lunch, this (above, with courtesy of ACS barker's canteen table *LOL*) caught my attention. And then, I did a very paiseh thing.. I left the table I've chosen and walked around, only to realise EVERY table is the same. And there are people except students, sitting at the tables with the label, SAME AS MINE. Oh my.. so paiseh!! Why do they have to do this! You mean the visitors and teachers are depriving students of seats during lunch?

I completed the main audit around 5pm. They are real efficient with tele-communication. When I came down to the 3rd level, the staff there already received news that I was coming. "So, you're the handsome auditor they (4th storey finance people) were talking about", Esther greeted me when we first met. They have gotta be kidding.

Fell short of target for the day because Esther wanted to leave on the dot. I was only half-way through my part for the payroll. Which means I've gotta make another trip tomorrow morning. Dreadful. I left the school at around 6. Took 171 to Orchard carrying this obiang briefcase from work. My agenda was to get biotherm products. End up, the branch which I went to, didn't have the product I wanted. Why waste the money getting things I don't want and having not spent on what I needed, don't you agree? Hehe.. that's hundred plus bucks un-credited from my bank account!

Realised I couldn't withstand holding heavy things, else I'll be totally drenched in unwished prespiration. Trust me, it ain't a good thing especially when you're in executive appearant. Came home early to fill the house with my "ren qi" (human-presence in Mandarin).

Watching news on Channel 8, they're showing this footage of crementation scene. It's the exact same sight. Sigh.. it raked up my past experiences. Oh well...

De one with Hari Raya Puasa 2008

Lazy lazy (29 days to exam)

Never thought I've be such a pig! I slept again during my holiday. Sad thing wasting my time catching up on my previous day's of deprived sleeps. Oh dear...

Apparantly, my "panda eyes" ain't subsiding... instead, I feel my figure de-shaping. Have been putting on weight due to my lack of exercise. Oh dear...

But came late at night, I managed to do something!! Finished ironing my clothes..slowly taking over from my ah-ma. Which is good I guess..

Finally, don't really have much Muslim friends however it wouldn't bite to wish all Muslims out there, except for Mas Selamat, a well-deserved Selamat Hari Raya Puasa!

De one with JAY CHOU New Album 2008

Let it rain all it wants

Why? Because.. JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM!.. ok, i'm gonna announce that again: JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM!!.. didn't hear it clearly? JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM!

Well, I kinda happen to go youtube, just to listen to 稻香 again.. By chance, the links arrived access to other songs of his NEW ALBUM: 魔杰座 (Capricon), that's his astrological sign FYI. Hehe. The songs were fabulous, needless to say.. he's creations.. talents-packed man... every beat, every pronounciation, every melody.. I don't know..it's magic!

Cool starting with 魔傑座 which reveals a.. vibe..disco grove.. What else? let's hear.. there are a few works which bears some similar styles like 女兒紅 (but he added this "drag and fill" part which was simply brillant), 達芬奇的畫布, funky 秘密花園, 紅樓夢中 and 從新愛 (same "chinese" genre), comedia 失戀的青蛙 (some commented that it was a sequence "oo-di-leddi" to the "Cowboy" song..wait, what Cowboy song, it's

More to come, there's rapping in 東方之殿, jazzy-hip hop 大灌藍.. More More! There's this heart-ligthening song with an curiosity rousing title called 達芬奇的畫布 or translated Da Vinci's canvas.

Did I miss out anything? Yup, that's particularly one..失落非主流, which I love it on first hearing. It's a sendimental song... especially the chorus which he sings in triplets... 6/8 tempo if i'm not wrong.. classic! I bet this would be a HIT!

Of course, good things have flaws. I feel alot of his songs in this albums gives a feeling of "slowing down" towards the end of every songs.. like some's full of drive in the beginning but exhausting when it nears a closing.. perhaps it's me?

Anyway, JAY CHOU HAS A NEW ALBUM! so, all of you must go purchase! Because Jason said so. It's worth the money la.. money-back-guarantee would have proved redundant!

Wondering why I've not been blogging after a while.. mainly due to my endless days of completing my final project for this semester. Needless to say, my weekend was burnt. Stayed up late until 5am, went to office on Monday, sleep deprived. Didn't really know how I could have done that.. Monday's work was abit tough, muddlehead.. and worse, expecting my last taxation lecture for the entire semester.. obliged to attend regardless of how much I wanted to skip.

But I endured through. Today I finished and tender another of my outstanding job. 1 down, 2 more to go. And I am, I have to be determine to finish before my leave in mid october. Somehow, I just feel demoralised at times.. feel imcompetent.. and I seemed to lost my ability to communicate with my colleagues. Oh well.. outcast.. but nevermind. Thank goodness there are some new friends I've made via online and Jay Chou's song audio-ing on the radio kept me going.. Jason has no going-concern problem..

Watched the Noose today, was laughing all the way through.. it was really funny.. However, I admire the characters' english, it's just so well-pronounced. That made me aware of where I stand.. nevermind, nevermind, I can learn a couple of skills from there.

Anxiously anticipating the new album, becuase I just can't bear listening those tracks online plus downloading-piracy is a no no. I don't scream like nobody's business (except during his concert) or go crazy over Jay, but I guess these are the things I do as a big fan..hah.. ok, that's for now.. Thank for reading, Jason signing out!

De one with Being Frank

Jason's Frank day

Nothing could feel more nostalgic of heading back to Changi Airfreight Centre to see the client (slightly) more than a year ago. The unforgettable pain of depriving my wallet of around 90 bucks just to bring myself to and fro. The unchanged practice of requesting the cabby to stop at the pass office, then exchanging IC to get my visitor's pass and going back to the cab again.

The uncle, one of the staff there, recognised me, mentioned a year seemed to passed so rapidly and before you know it, another year's audit has commenced. "So fast" was the exact word he told Cecilia, the accounting staff.

Only difference was there were new staff. 2 of them. And I brought Ellyana, my colleague there, brief her what I knew from my previous year's (audit) encounters. Did some clarification on all the possible matters (tax & audit) by talking to Cecilia on Elly's behalf.

It was nice... more of a re-kindred kinda feeling actually. Evening we left around 6pm, my cab drove me to Bishan J8 where I "da bao" Yoshinoya for dinner and got "oyster mee suah" for ah-ma.

The night is completed with meeting Mohan at Starbucks, Thomson Plaza. The female staff recognised us. Lol. We didn't chat much. Tonight would be the last time we'll be meeting until my exams are over.

Speaking of the devil, it's starting to bug me. Exams are drawing close. In another month's time, I'll be battling 3 examinations which are just 2 days apart from one another. Faint. Looks like the mugging have to start, reluctantly.

I pronounced today as Jason's Frank day. Critically due the events which follows. Firstly, I text Clara, telling her I wouldn't dare ask her out anymore. She asked me why. I replied: "Rem Clara ther was once during JC Community Involvement Programme at Orchard? I nearly wanted to quit bcoz I couldn't get any passerby to fill up the forms. Underlying principle is Jason don't like to be rejected when I take the initiative to ask people for anything. I end up feeling dejected, disappointed. And I start thinking why nobody does likewise for me. Perhaps no one bothers, hence I give up trying."

- Sounds like some sensitive, petty guy. That was not intended when I typed the message. I just.. can't stand having to get myself rejected too many times. I bet you'd have agreed one should move on if our attempts prove futile? Or our efforts are not paying off?

Secondly, I declared that my spoken-english ain't prefect. Ought to work towards speaking better english so I could be better understood and develop confidence in return.

Oh boy.. jason, jason, it's been a frank day.

De one with Not Right

Just doesn't seemed right

Early morning and I wasn't feeling happy. My ostinate mind just refuses to let go of the revolving thought about the reason Gabriel gave when he handed me this new assignment, P.Care Ltd: "The others have their exisiting jobs to attend to. That's why we need you to take over". Sounds as though I'm doing nothing or nominated just because I'm the "most free" person in the office?

Was messaging Clara early morning to complain. I brought up the issue and even suggest perhaps my boss must have notice I'm leaving early now and then. The reason why I have time is because I pushed my assignments out. Sigh..

If Mohan were to hear me, most probably he'd say: He trust you that's why he entrust so much work to you. Jez.. it's abit.. unfair, come to think of it, especially the reason he gave..triggering all the negtive thoughts. I don't mind learning but my exams are drawing near and I doubt he's gonna let me off until I complete all the piling assignments.

In office I felt weird coz I have not seen Yiwei and Alice (who just came back from Indonesia) and we've not communicated for almost a week. Anyway, I was abit "sian" at work. Fully-utilised my brain juice, trying to complete the Eipic special audit which was long-overdue. Man..I pity them coz no submission of our report means no funding for them.

Had bread for dinner before tax lecture. Nothing much for today. Capital allowances, unabsorbed trading losses and donation claiming criterias. The interesting part was the dividends, imputation system and one-tier system. Taxation's fun!

I swear something spooky occurred on bus 52. There was this stop just before the Country Club. The bell rang thrice but no one pressed as no one got down. The bus driver had to stop twice. Eerie..

Came back home, something worst happened. The flushing gadget broke. My uncle and ahma thought I had a big fall while I was in the toilet. Sigh. I hate it when things break. Arghh..

De one with "Kum Hu"

Incense fill the air

I didn't waste the entire day. Brought work home. Went jogging. 5km. Covered both bishan parks in the late afternoon around 4pm.

Evening mama brought us to "Dua Lang Kong" ("大人宫" in Hokkien). It wasn't really the real name of the temple around my neighbourhood. Well, that's what it was addressed as since we were young. Anyway, it was a yearly affair for us to have our tailsman re-stamped with the God's seal. I know it sounds superstitious. But hey, it's the elder's advice for the purpose of keeping us safe. Like how Christians wear crosses, thai monk's fellowers wearing Buddha charms.

Prior the commencement of the "kum hu", there was this "crossing the bridge" ceremony. According to batches sort by zodiac signs, people of the same zodiac would have their chance, lined up in order to cross the bridge. By doing so, one would be blissed with safety.. good luck charm kinda thingy. I participated for the fun of it. The not-fun part is you would be stamped with this red dyed stamp on the back of your shirt. Luckily, I told the uncle I didn't want any. Thank goodness.

There was Hokkien wayang opera on.. I took a photo! Looks like the lighting was too bright.. but the stage's still visible... This was part of my culture. Remember when I was a child, I love watching wayang. Apart from being able to stay up late, I was fascinated with the glittering costumes, the music, backdrop and the atmosphere. Not that I don't really like it now nor influenced by the getai emergence, my sendiments for chinese wayang still remains, just that we hardly have the time to sit down, feed the mosquitoes and watch without my granny.

Every year, my heart would beat double time becoz you'll never know what the Gods would say about me. There was once this god raised the example of "Tai Gong Diao Yu" (it was about this old man, supposedly a celestial figure who fished with a bamboo pole, no bait whatsoever. Only willing fishes would get hooked). Obviously explains why the next line which follows is "Yuan Zhe Shang Gou". Anyway, the god was teaching me that i'd never learn if I'm not willing to ask.

This year, this particular god adviced me to exercise more conscientious in whatever I do. Which turns out to be quite accurate. I've been approaching a couple of things with an easy-going attitude. My mind's unfocused. Partly because my heart's uncontented with anything but one thing. I was a slave to my emotions and trying to get over something which was nothing. Which kinda disrupted my life. Inevitably, it had indirectly caused me to lose concentration.

Well, I must say, this is no "self fulfilling prophecy" here! It was a direct nail in the head. Looks like I have to put up my socks now.

De one with Dreamy Saturday

Bed, pillows, lethargic

Oh dear. I practically waste the day away doing nothing but sleep. Sure did caught up with all the sleep missed through the past week. I know alot of people's gonna feel sorrier for me coz I..erm.. I didn't go for lecture today. Might as well take a shot with a pistol pressing against my temple. Exams are coming and I'm still like this..

Aiya.. anyway, the best part is I replenised my energy. Clearing my handphone memory. Don't know why but it never fails to run outta memory, such that my camera can't work. Must be something's faulty.


Time to share something inaugural to my sightings during my time spent at my client's place. Here's a view taken from the toilet. It was magnificent.. just right throught this wide glass plane, next to the washer. Cool right? That would be the bird's eye view of Arab street? And that Golden thingy is Md Sultan's mosque.


<---- The next thing I really really like to share is this. Look! I believe alot of people must have had prior knowledge of this curiousity-arousing toilet bowl which offers automated erm.. wiping service after one's finished their bowel? Never seen one? Just sharing..with courtesy of the toilet committee (if there's any) of The Plaza. Hehe..



Let's take a closer look at the instructions, shall we? LOL. It says" "Press the dail (see below, right). Water sprays from the front end of the nozzie (haah) and clean the cleans the bottom (that will be erm.. the part where the bowels comes from)".

The user can even adjust the strength of the spray by turning the dial. Clockwise to stengthen and vice versa. ------>

Cool right? Err.. I never really play with the thingy. I think.. users should be very considerate, not to dirty the nozzie. Else..let's not discuss further.

Who says being an auditor is boring? Visit client's place still manage to make such fun discovery! Man.. I love my job

De one with Suddenly Realised

Fine weather

Early morning I nearly had a heart attack. You see, I dropped my dear Samsung Omnia in the cab as I had too much things to carry. Despite my panicky from having realised my handphone was missing, I was calm minded enough to call the Cab's customers' service hotline which brought successful hope through the service officer. She dialed the cab driver who later delievered the hp to me at my office.

I was supposed to pay him the meter charge ($14.90) for driving from his current location to my office. Yet, in gratitude, I handed him a 50 dollar note and said thank you.

The most fortunate thing was the receipt which I took which beared the details of the cab which possibled this "excercise of recovering my hp".

Phew... went back to office to settle some arrears. Like filing of ECI, forwarding questionnair to the auditors of my client's subsidiary (for my consol), sending another client confirmations for authorisation, talked to client, replied emails to my client's matters, discuss about this new client handed to me by my boss. Busy day. All my seniors were out, that's why I had to be present coz Rebecca informed me beforehand. Responsibility.

Gabriel raised questions which I couldn't answer. Made me become aware of my incompetency. I supposed his impression of me is deteriorating by the way I react to his quaries. Sigh.. My brain feels so much like an empty nutshell.

Had dinner at home. Had to save on dinner given my heavy credit to Comfort and Citycab income with all my cab fare and gratitude payment. Was watching "En bloc" on Mobtv. Yes, I subscribed. The show made me realised suddenly on something rather of significance:

I actually didn't love somebody, I wanted that somebody. Both were two distinctive different things. Oh dear...suddenly realised. Told this to Mohan over our late-night coffee chat. He replied I just love challenges. I thought otherwise.

De one with I Want

Everyday's a little about Jason

I want a big place to live in, enclosed in glass so that the lovely sun can glamorously shine through them, lighting the entire room of blue paint and art. My art. There should be a spacious kitchen, although I'm a bad cook, wouldn't mind some space for fun-mess. I want a wardrobe room so I could display my 40 shirts, accessories and smittening colognes. I want to wake up in the morning, hearing the tranquil water of the swimming pool beneath, have my foot touched the cool, smooth wood and the comfy carpet.

I want to smile and bring delight to people. I want to have eye contact to convey endless sincerity. To move them with my sweetness in all the thoughtful things, considerate-acts, tolerance and kind thoughts for them. I want people who are nice to me and simple as they can be so we wouldn't engage into cunning treachery, tricks or "politics"..leave the politics to the legislative bodies man.

I want a Peugeot convertible. Not forgetting my driving license first. As much as I love speed, I wish I could run and be healthy as I grow. Likewise retain my boylish looks and my wisdom, acquired through growing knowledge.

I want to be a reputable accountant. An auditor to be exact. Yup, it's about being successful in career because I REALLY love my job now, despite sometimes it can get abit sitcky with problems! Nasty old superior image would be a big NO NO. I want to be approachable and loved by my juniors. Oh.. I want to be. As much accepted as my current clients do of me.

I want to be happy and enjoy life as much as I can and if there's any, GODs of all religion permits me be. Very much as I want my family to be. I hope every year I have lots of presents and celebrations for my birthday!! So guys and gals, start cracking your heads. Don't forget your sewing kit for broken pockets! EHehee

I want to be ..I want to be.. Never losing, always free

De one with Whispering Truth

Warm day

It is night time yet it feels like a built-in sauna at home. "Cold" ought to be the word to describe this lonesome home which my ahma live in and deprived of people. Years ago, it used to include my aunt, who would be complaining about my younger brother who is not cooperative; Mummy just got home from work, nagging at Daddy who's too engrossed in reading the Straits Time, to stop reading and eat dinner, grandly prepared by ahma; Jasmine would have returned home already, just bathed and came out of the toilet; Uncle, talking loudly with my Mummy. I have always woundered..if all this crowded scene still exist, all my worness from the day's work would be forgotten when I'm greeted by this rosy scene upon my return in the evening.

I wouldn't be eating Subway for dinner. I wouldn't be buying KFC for just my ahma but my entire family. Or perhaps I wouldn't even have to..because Mummy would have bought us something. I guess it's very likely I inherited her genes. Splurging money on food for the family.

I doubt I'd have to exhaust my friends, asking them out all the time, yearning for attention. Mummy would meet me for dinner. Only this time, she wouldn't have to foot the bill, it would be her try-to-be-fillial-son.

Not to even mention about being lonesome, very much like what ah-ma must be feeling now. I feel sad for her. Which explains why I have been coming home early when nobody wants to go out with me. Which is a good thing too bah.

The truth fades... from the loud family conversation, reduced to the present "Lei Di Hu Sheng" (this live-radio).. Like a whispering truth, never to be heard again.

De one with Am I That Pretty?

Clear skies

For no reason, even my clients' nicknamed my "handsome boy" because I look pretty or "mei" (means pretty in mandarin). Darn.. my close friend, Clara (aka Dalelala) calls me a "vain-pot".

It kinda bugs me.. recalled once I asked Mohan about what can I do to become less "pretty" because "pretty" sounds so.. erhum, girly?

Oh..hell, he said I should cut my hair short..don't know if it's true or he's just entertaining me.

Haiz.. Today I was "summoned" back to office. No more sleep late till 7+am. Was up around 6am, went to the park to jog..something not done last week. Actually, nothing much to be done in office. By 11:45am I packed up and left for Bugis after asked Rebecca (who will be leaving for Indonesia with Efi for their audit in Jarkata).

Lunch was quick at TCC. How long could lunch take when I'm eating alone. Then again, the chilly feeling of lunching alone lasted long. Sucky. Hmm.. Why not share what I had. Something off the new menu (which deprived me of my favourite "Triple C Palinni"): Garlic chicken pasta.. Ok la.. but they included mushrooms..no thanks.

Went to client's place and discovers the door was locked. So I headed down to the lift lobby until Mdm Chia turned up 10 mintues later. Saw she was carrying this large plastic bag which contained what..10 packets of tissue box and offered my help to the elderly lady immediately. Poor thing she.. Bet no auditor has ever done this for a client. I was glad I helped.

Came home quite early because the company staff had to leave for their respective medical appointment. I went to J8 to get dinner for my ahma. Yong Tau Hu..her favourite. However, the evil aunty put so much chili - FULL LADLE-DEPTH - onto my ahma's Yong Tau Hu before I could put an end. Back at home, it was so spicy my ahma had to dilute with warm water and rinse the excessive unbearable chili-content. %^$#%.

I had beef-noodles, altough I didn't really like beef la. It's Moooo lo... Dear God, forgive me. Ey! I'm not Buddhist or Indian.

Well, today's spent. Tomorrow's a new start and my audit requires me to touch on the investment part - something I've never done much. Oh well.. looks like "pretty boy" gotta dawn my battle armour! Brace yourself, the err.. Auditing-knight has come! Urahhh! *muscle pose*

De one with Bye Bye, Hell Week (Color Coated)

Sunny

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! After working for 8 hours coping at home, I can finally bid goodbye to two weeks of dreadful "project hell week"!

Throughout my work, I was pretty unsettled because told-tale that our mobilisation might today. Couldn't concentrate much..yet bearable lah.. still managed to complete my tax journal project. After which I texted the guys "Don't box me if it's not relevant!" =P

Oh dear, I am so EXHILARATEDLY overjoyed and relieve!

Yesterday went out with Mohan, although we never buy anything else, except this Olivia Ong CD and our Lonely Planet guide from Borders, we had fun discussing our vacation plans vidly over coffee.

Getting ambitious! Target to complete my United Malayan Pineapple audit by Thursday or even better, Wednesday.. So far pretty fine. The elder aunties (over 50+) there showered me with lots of care and concern through their thoughtful reminder for me to drink plenty of water, eat my lunch.. I couldn't be more appreciative!

I remember they didn't believe when I told them I have been through NS. *Laugh laugh*

Mentally drained but great week. Cheers!

De one with Sun-sick

Sunny

Could never expect myself to wake up so late (10pm) in the past!! Now that I've started working, it seems the norm!! Jeeze..

It's Saturday yet there's still one more hurdle that's bugging me. Sigh.. taxation project. It's gonna devour my weekend.. arrggh.. I need break.. haven't been out shopping the entire week!

And one more lamentable news..the SUN! Damn, I could have make good use with some sun pouring tan on me.. Out of the sudden, thinking of this deprivation of having gone under the sun is developing sun-sickness in me.. oh dear. Shed some light and retain some glow in me!

De one with Angered Demoralisation

Fuming

Give me a blank piece of paper and I will draw you an exclusive card. Give me anything and I would do my best. Even when you want the stars and the moon, Jason will attempt every means to acquire them.

However! F* You know what I can't bear? It is being criticized for my hard work. Feels like a sharp slap in the face. Eh, my project mate gave a very negative "this is all rubbish" comment and out-ruled it. F*

It's liked I've been kicked down the ladder of confidence and on top of this, your comment, be it casual or moment of brain-damage, came crashing down on me. Resulted all these disbelief effervescing out of me. DAMN it. F*

You know what? Nevermind.. just go away for your unappreciated words are so unwelcoming.. F*. I just ate two chocolates because of this.. now I'll jus go chew on my new bought vitamin C to calm and replenish my health. Or look at my chipmunks soft toys..

De one with Cabbies

Monsoon's coming

I reckoned I've been getting too lazy nowadays.. being late and hopping into a cab seems like brushing teeth. So does my saving plan which was busted. Oops. Morning rush~~

Cab trips was a total unfamiliar thing in my life until my army days when the frequency of cab boarding increased. Just couldn't carry the tonnes of package everywhere right?

Cabbing reached its octave ever since the office shifted to Henderson Road. Oh, for those who never know, my office shifted to 213 Henderson Road. *Clears throat* Secret admirers feel free to post your gifts here? And of course, no Anthrax or hoax mails please..

Anyway, hmm.. i'm recollecting my encounters onboard with.. different, interesting cabbies. Figured I enjoy the chat with the uncles and at time, aunties. Mostly males nonetheless. Ok, no intentions to start any sexism debate.

You should try, might just learnt a couple of new things, information, inspiration from these temporary chat.. For me, it amplified my social skill and confidence. Puts it to practice everytime I speak. Apart from my gain, most probably, the cabbies feel good too? It's a win-win-communication channel! Yiihhaa! Ok, maybe not too much..

Here's my start-off sentence to strike a conversation : "Uncle, so how's business today?" or "Business must be good today?".. the best part is to learn about their lives.. I've spoke to different cabbies.. some who spoke of life as it is. They talk about their life situation.

Some talk about their army days. Normal guys chat. I guess that's a plus for having served National Service? Hehe..they could just go on hours talking about how their segeants torture them, the old tales of bad food, toughness of training and exercises.. I tell them of the radical change towards the army mindset..hehe.. 7 out of 10 would be shocked to hear I've underwent NS..and their eyes will pop out and vomit "huh" when I disclosed I was an outfield gun spec in artillery. Very likely due to my sizE! Oh dear..

There were a few who talked about religion. Some could reeally get on nerves.. religion's definately not one topic to debate. Barely mentioned about discussion of opinions. Some starts their preaching and "It is important to have a religion" promotion after learning I'm a free thinker. What's wrong with being "single" and not "attached" with a religion? But I must say, there was one particular Catholic who drove me from Changi Airfrieght Centre to campus in Clementi. We had a pleasant chat through the long journey.. talking about some mild content of Chirst.. how to put it? Something like "there's 3 forms of god, God himself, the Holy Spirit and the Son"? We are peaceful minded people..hehe Obviously, I was in a calm mood. It opens my perspective to learn..facts..which is heartlightening.. stress-free chat. Lovely.

There were a few who are doing good outside and hence, driving for leisure purposes. God, I just admire their passion and freedom to do what they like.. more vitally, their easy-going attitude. Fortunate. These are the uncles who advise me to try new experiences, venture until I find something in which my passions lies. Dreamers-mentality. Worry-free..haha

There are empathisers who asked and feel bad having asked about my Mummy and Jimson. I'm cool. Though it fetches some grey clouds over my head at times. Emo-triggers but kind souls I must say. Their words of comfort feels like a gentle blanket onto my shoulders.

I believe generally, the cabbies are looking for pleasant customer experience as much as we expect equitable service from them. Seriously, I don't understnad why there are nasty passengers. Of course, I shall reserve my bit on those really mean taxi drivers.

Alright...don't think I can continue anymore.. brain dead..slept only 3 hours yesterday..after a killer from consolidating 3 persons' work. One didn't really do her part at all.. and I had to redo her parts as if it's my own.. faint.. nvm lah, our marks on stake!

De one with Penny for a Thought

Fine weathered

Many times, we may not know who or how important we are to someone else. How our actions and behavior impact their psychological and emotional state. Especially so when one's fond of you.

Some left live, some suppressed, others explicit. Whichever it is, I just hope, those people I love and who loved me, I have been giving you fulfilling joy in this instance when you guys out there know, I'm typing my special thoughts down for you here.

De one with Before Mobilisation Starts

On medical leave

Early morning Ah-ma was annoying me with her wake-up call. As much as I appreciated her for this, it's a paradox because it can really get abit unpleasant. *teeth grinning*. Who wants to be bugged at get up in the cosy morning.

I never turn up for work today. Supposedly commencing audit at United Malayan Pineapple. But turned out visiting the doctor, Mrs Vida Chou for my headache and cough. Came home, took medicine and watched a home video until the medication took effect and caused me asleep.

Met Mohan at Beach Road army market in the evening. Had to have our uniforms "decorated" with all those new required badges. Uncessary alot might say. Like we had a choice coz tomorrow's start of our standby period.

Despite my planning, this cabby was driving dreadfully slow (FYI: 30-70 Mph) faint.. I was in the rush and feeling aweful because I knew Mohan wouldn't like it if I'm late. What else I could do, he was an old man, who seemed to be exhausted from a day's driving. Could tell from his slow breathing and some "falling asleep" position as he try hard to keep awake. That left me weary for my safety, replacing my prior anxiety of being late.

To compliment, the auntie at army market was fast, "gao dim" ("settle everything" in Cantonese) sewing the badges and new name tags within less than 30 minutes. Amazing. After that both en route home.

On our train journey, I didn't talk much to Mohan. Partially because he looked so stern. When I asked he replied he was stressed. Partially I supposed I was boring! Else, he's pissed with me for being late ba.. I wish very much to communicate everytime I'm with someone. Just sometimes, I don't get response from the other party and I just back up and keep quiet instead. Mohan is someone who doesn't like to be bothered when he's tired.

Got off at Bishan, grabbed dinner at Pasta Mania. Chose my standard "Chicken Sausage, fusilli pasta". Just before I headed back by bus (saving $ alright), browsed and got some bread from Delifrance. Lovely.

Spent 2 hours just to pack 4 packets of the new standard field pack items for my standby. Tried to recall and did 2.5 years ago. Getting forgetful. Sigh.. Thank goodness, it's over for now.

It's meeting new client and completion of Corp. accounting project for tomorrow. Wonder if there's anything else to look forward to.. Oh yah, pray hard we wouldn't be mobilised!

De one with Improved Mood

Sunny

Happiness isn't completely a state of mind, it's more of the spirit and morale singing. I still believe in this in particular. Noticed there isn't much of frequent downpours occurring this weekend? Unexplainable but I feel much better since it always rains when I feel down and blue... *grinning*

This week was good. I met my god bro, Max consecutively on Tues and Wed. Tuesdays we went Vivo after my work to purchase my Samsung Omnia from Samsung shop. Cost me $1,098..but it was worth it in my opinion: A dream come true coz I really wanted to have one.

Daddy got me one using his line, initially. My shameful mistake to request for a white one which turned out not to my liking. Created a big fuss, called the operator and demanded a change. End up, my poor Daddy had to sell off the phone. Thank god he sold for a price higher than purchased.

Mohan explained over coffee tonight that my Dad and I had made a collective loss regardless of the few hundred dollars my dad received from the sale of the handset. Rather, I insist he made a gain and $1,098 ought to be treated as my personal loss. Well, the son's gotta admit he was a big time spoiled-brat.. was his bad to choose the wrong colour in the first place.

Anyway, it was really pleasant having met and catch up the good times with Max over dinner at Earl Swensons. On our second day of meeting at Ngee Ann City, I was on a moon-cake spree.. purchasing a vairety of snow-skin mooncakes from Shangri-La, Sheraton, Marc & Leonard.. they were irresistable. Got his japanese pomelo-flavoured "rabbit" pastry (around 90 bucks) for my colleagues. I never felt happier, having went out with Max. Totally enjoy going out with him.. it's the chemistry with him.. he gave me a handful of advices on love-management too.. about slowing down, being rational and making prudent decisions in my love-life. And I must admit, I have always been impulsive in my decisions.

What's next? Came later of this week was my fulfillment of promise to meet an old friend Andrew. Someone I met when I was in army. He's nice. Carried my heavy mooncake (yam mooncakes from Chinese Mandarine Hotel) purchased for my granny. Yam has always been her favourite and my Mummy used to buy every year. A couple days back when Ahma mentioned nobody would buy yam flavour anymore, I felt responsible to continue my Mummy's legency. So ya.. I took over. Perhaps I just love to Ahma happy. Perhaps it is through these we allow for reminiscences and personificate her pressence through the purchase of stuff she'd used to buy, now that she's gone.

Andrew offered a treat to an tantalising yet sinful dessert at Celene at Raffles Cit SC, basement. I had this sugary crepe which I was unable to complete la. At the end of the day, it was... simply splendid being able to finally meet up with this friend. Someone who had always been supportive through my past heart-breaking relationships turmoils. Well.. I supposed these pin-struck heartaches doesn't affect me much. I need a break.

That's becuase I'm happy. Yes I am! Spending time and having friends' company has became my priority. Just..taking a breather.. subtle the sadness and bring the joy out from within. Cheers~
*Champaign glass cling*

De one with Breakaway

Clouds, rain but no sun

Nowadays, I've been struggling with attempts to breakaway from my heartache. I can see that big question mark or the slanting lower jaw as your lips motioned a "huh".. Ok, here's a relieve..

Just like what I've texted Mohan, it's time for sunny-boy-rejuvenation! (Ok, FYI, I was a sporty person a few years back ok). I need to focus my energy on other things. For example, try new experiences like, perhaps driving. Chin Yu, no more bugging from you on this.. I'll learn eventually.. ha.. I shall plan my time wisely to incorporate this into my already-busy lifestyle.

How can a sunshine boy do without his tan? Promised myself I'll spend my weekend, visiting an old friend The Sun.. (here's a secret which can't be shared, oops) *speaks in discreet* it kissed me during my secondary, army, freshie days.

Max goes gym. Zhen Ze's recently signing up at California. Everybody's gyming.. how could I not be inspired? Eh, think it's about time I tone up. Ok, Clara and Mohan, I know, I will eat more in order to get fats to be converted to muscles. Dammmm.

I need to concentrate on my studies and work..both would fetch me closer to my ultimate realised dream: Hume avenue!! Yup..

Of course, another priority is to further-develop my filial-piety responsibility. Now, I'm considering spending once a week with my daddy, who's living alone at my empty bishan home. I mean, all these years, I've only been closed with my mummy. It's time to treasure those who will always have a place for me in their hearts.

Caution: The above mentioned includes friends. Close friends like Clara, Mohan, everybody.. who can't possibly be there for me all the time, but always remain in my heart, else prioritised-memory in circumstances where my heart is too capacitated.

For now, J is still running. Jeez.. seriously need to maintain my stamina. Besides, I'd even target to go the extra mile to push it to higher limits~ Upset I didn't participate in the AHM this year. *Nobody's willing to join with me* I still try new experiences..like Standard Chartered full marathon. Hah! Gabantte!

Although I keep telling myself it's time to become less pretty, appearance-maintainance is a must! This includes age-defining! Currently, I've resumed my visits to Anna, my beautician. Hehe. She commented since I'm so good at styling my hair and DIY eye-brow triming, I should have joined the trade of an make-up artiste. Eh.. I thought otherwise.. wouldn't that be too.. I don't know.. let's just say I enjoy drawing with my imagination which I think, is unrelated and inapplicable to live person's face?
And no, Mohan, not into fashion designing~

Well, I've achieve abit this year. Although my priorities and resolutions changes constantly since the beginning of the year. I've learnt to become stronger in times of extreme grief. My work's showing returns. My finance control's shown improvement in heavy desires towards a dream (You're right Chin Yu, life's more focused with a goal). My social skills have earned recognition in aligned with clients.

A director, who treated me lunch during my outstation-audit, encouraged me to enjoy too. Which explains my engagement of an overseas' vacation towards the year end. Primely purposes includes to learn, experience and expand my exposure!

Let's hope, sunshine boy Jason would shine! "Shine for Singapore, this is" MY "song..deep inside" MY "heart, where it belong it'll always stay. Strive for" MY "goals," JASON "will achieve, with" DREAMS and WISHES "so bold"..."Reach for the sky far and beyond"..

Not ready to spread my wings yet.. so..err..no Kelly Clarkson's song here "to blog"..hehe

De one with Parts

Disintegrated

It is my personality which kills me of people my heart's fallen with. Shortfall of sociability and thanks to B, who indirectly implied, affirmed by Mohan, that I wasn't any close to being sporty. To top the stakes of my despair, Mohan told me frankly that I was just being a despo. I wouldn't deny.. my unconcealed plead of guiltiness to the truth he's spoke off. I'm just so.. "emo"..

I'm so sick and tired.. really..well, likwise for everybody else, I know. I just don't see why I've become like this.