De one with Exposed

Haunt of the dignity

What happened to all that's good in me? That very thought sneaked suspiciously into my mind as I stared at the romantic skyline of our small nation and the unique torn-lighten structure of the Esplanade structure before me. The air was warm around where I was. Not with my love, not a date but with a supportive friend who suggested Orgo (a "bar and lab" at the Esplanade rooftop). Tonight was Thursday. The last day of work before I went on leave for exams preparation. Coincidentally, Thursday became a "friends night".

James texted me for dinner just before I decide to wait to leave office later since my appointment with Howie wouldn't be until then. I packed up in a hast, ran through some work my colleague was consulting me and hopped into a cab only to arrive 20 minutes late. Feeling guilty I offered to get the tab for our Akashi restaurant dinner. The food was good. Sadly, if only the service was equally good as the average ambiance as well as its fine ingredients. This girl literally snatched the tea cup from my friend for refill, without asking while we were talking. Oh yes, James was pissed. I bet I saw the steam evaporating from his newly cut hair.

Everything was well, except the good in being punctual and patient seemed to have left without a trace in me. I used to be punctual. Being a minute late was a taboo and it would ache my panicky heart as the adrenaline to arrive earlier would pulsed rapidly through my nerves. Without dignity, I no longer feel as intensely as ever when I am late. Perhaps my conscience was debatingly defeated with reasons for being late. Or excuses I wonder.

Characteristic latter, Patience shadowed its above-mentioned relative, like a loose button which detached itself from the shirt of its owner who hadn't paid attention. The ancient Christian story depicts about how Adam of Eden ate the apple and have evil transcend into mankind. Logic is the every "evil" in my life, well.. in this context of discussion. Discovery and subsequent recognition of consumer sovereignty, a reasoning which diminishes my patience. Patience for service to be delivered, ordering to be placed, the food to be served, bill to come.

Like a siren effect upon a drunken guy as the alcohol flush his cheeks and numbs the brain, goodness traits away...

Lately, I questioned whether I am making use of people or letting people into my life. I ask them for dinner, agree to their invitations. And for what? To really spend quality time? Or just to fill the slightest vacancy in pulse of life so that I wouldn't be reminded of how lonely I could become. Or worse, am I subjecting myself to socialising to assure that I'm not impaired of goodness. And pathetic as it reads, communication was a means of getting goodness back into me again.

Clara says I heap the empty slots in life through material spending on Swarovski crystals, Tiffany and diamonds earrings, colognes and facial products. I tored myself, shred these layers of coolness, smiley faces, glamor and who did I find? Don't think seven-month ghost stories.. Just a naked little boy, tears streaked down his cheeks. He kneels at a corner of a glass-casing. Walls laid with mirrors which are old, shabby and it inflates how you look. Both hands were clenched. After much effort of convincing, the reluctant boy opens his right hand. It was bruised, blistered and battered. Astonishingly, in the middle of the palm lies a heave sack of needles buried in flames. The owner whimpers something. I had to asked again to make out what he faintly whispered.. He repeats clearly that he's waiting for the right moment for an extraordinary light to shine, dissipate the pricking needles to reveal a golden thread and needle.

I still didn't understand.

As though he knew I was curious, he held out his left arm in a cautious manner, as though a boy was asked to surrender his hand for a punishment. His teary eyes never left my face as he did so. There... a delicate flower with its outer layer frosted. It blooms open like a mimosa leaf, some thin ice along its edges defrosted and vaporised - heartaching sight as it unfolds to decipher the streaks of electricity in all fanciful colors anyone could imagine.

The visions before my eyes puzzled me. My mind was as blank as snow-white paper sheet until the reflections in the mirrors pointed me to look at a common point. It was the left chest. Surprisingly, a squarish lid. I reached for it but in vain. He retracted from my reach, trembling..

I was maddening. Frustrated with no help in the truth. I did what I normally do: I back off as though I've gave up trying. The boy saw me back-paddled and finally out into the light, convinced it was safe to do so by my retreating gesture. As though he meant console, he tapped me with his toe to get my attention. The lid opened and.. a picture of a orgami heart, part of it tattered but mend it crumps of $50 Singapore dollar note. The blue-printed Yusof Ishak's face was visible.

It made sense finally.

I trust many are familiar with the Wizard of Oz. If I could relate myself with any of the characters in the magnificent tale, I'd most likely be the Tin Man. A yearner for a living heart. A heart that delivers joys and psychiatric sparks to my life. It is almost impossible to have both arms pressed against each other. The extreme fire and frost would only cause unimaginable pain. The volts and needles would self-destruct themselves and the golden thread to mend the real heart would be lost. I am like an Autobot without the All-spark.

Biology teaches us we cant live without a beating heart cause it avail bloodflow, essential for distributing oxygen. The brain can't survive and courage wouldn't be present.

Love isn't everything. Friends does. And I feel bad because I can't trust myself to even know who I am, and I keep feeling nobody genuinely cares about me. Its like a door shut. Inaccessible to anything. It's highly doubtful bacteria could permeate through. What an irony.

Friends are enough but never enough. This is when found my childhood friend, Mr Loneliness who secretly told me he brought luggage and stay.

I had to react. No, I didn't join Dorothy on her quest to some West witch. My wits tells me Mr Loneliness would avoid other attributes like Fun and Achievements. So I work, pieced my ear twice, got myself drunk and unfortunate part, I didn't seemed to get drunk even having consumed a mango margarita and my favourite strawberry daiquiri. I tell you, $18 for a large cocktail-glass with at least 5 cm tall of blended ice soaked with alcohol. Drinking gives me liver problem. Loo warned I'll get addicted. But I ain't.

But honestly, I never fail to deny. And I confess now, goodness was replaced because of these stupid things I've done. And I never stop hating myself for these. I used to laugh at the famous and "approved" Kumar's joke on his drag-shows. I guess I laughed partly because I was amused with the talent-talker's humour. The other part would involved laughing at myself: I am not a native, I don't speak like a machine-gun.. yet I am freakingly-helplessly looking for a full-stop for all these undesirable misery I'm putting myself through. Dear goodness.

De one with Sealed for Salvage

A hui hoe (means "Till we meet again" in Hawaiian)

As though premonitions foreseen, as the untold turned reality.
The kind, fairly-smart, and funny broke their hearts into 17 pieces.
And crystalised into seals of joy.
Fragile in any state still, the power of love dormant.
Until the one true deservee appears,
It shall reside in glass of exquisi-tige.

De one with Going Back and Forth into Closet

My Johnny Swarovski's finally good to come home

I nearly quit today. Wild thoughts riding with my abyss of emotions whirled inside my head like a complex cluster and series of roller-coasters in commencement: There was one which raise my brow whether I should just type a resignation letter, print and submit everything on the spot in office; Another appeared like a shooting star, glittering caution about getting a job before tendering; Like an interruption from a "satellite" brainwaves away, another howled I ought to proceed a job-hunt; A leaf of thought fluttered consideration whether I ought to discuss how I feel with someone; A breeze delivered wisdom of financial needs to keep up my higher-than-average lifestyle expenses; Out of nowhere, a sprinkle of prompting worries how I'd have to go through with the "break the news" part; and in the end, I backpedal. Perhaps I got hold of myself and imprisoned all these nonsenses, like plastering clay to mend a water-crack of a broken ceramic water vase.

* picture in courtesy of Meaningful Distraction.blog

Trust me, 10 decibel of concentration and a nervous breakdown would have occurred. Thank goodness my gift to calm myself down proved its capability. I shut off those horrible thoughts, calmed myself down and just as I knew the remedy would come, I had a chat with my manager and everything's green again. Another cock-up day due to my carelessness in work i must say. Something which came crawling back after nearly 6 months ago.

But it was ok now. But I can't deny I was really incompetent. And I hate this cause knowing so only made me feel so small which diminishes my pride in existence.

In fact, that drowned the joys from completing most of my portfolio. Seriously I have the slightest ideal how I was struggling, losing track a month ago and at present, I actually sit around office without much stress, feeling clean and light. But I guess there must be a balance of good and bad moments. Which could have consolingly decipher the undesirabliness this afternoon.

"Oh there is a time for everything", I left work early and found my feet bringing me to Ikea. I just needed to get this new bedsheets which I saw at Ikea Tampines last weekendLook at this, they actualy have this warehouse scene (something I thought I would only get to see in Australia or client's place)

when I accompanied A to the petfarm and subsequently, stopping ourselves at Ikea. It was a navy blue which scarce flora in yellow print. Something different from the existing black and white spiral, colourful Trojan horse prints, and cream coloured sheep design.

But oh well, I got two instead of one cause I couldn't make up my mind if there blue and yellow was the right one when I developed a spontaneous liking for the pleasant-to-the-eyes and sweet light blue and white sheets for my quilt. Darn it.

Oh my way home, Swarovski called. It certainly brought a happy finale to the evening as the final piece of my precious is coming home, after 3 weeks of servicing (the wire-whip of cowboy Kris bear, Johnny, was detached from the cystal-arm during the shipment from my seller in Netherlands). *Sigh of relieve*, my glamourous and heart-melting collection of 17 Swarovski Kris bears are ultimately complete.

It only prove one thing, "Good things comes least expected"

By night, James texted me about going zoo this Sunday. Wuao. Another good thing coz another jerky-friend cancelled on me past weekend. Nothing confirmed but ya, it feel nice to be "acknowledged" of my wishes.

I continued reading Mitch Albom's latest book, Have a Little Faith. At the same time, I was watching Brothers & Sisters (Mohan, you are right, it is a terrific show). And I sort of figured myself. I was always complaining about things I could do and want, but all along, I've been throwing myself into procastination. As much as I felt relieved that I was closer to the truth, as though toothpicking some vegetable stuck in between the teeth, couldn't help but teared when the actualisation of how much good things I have missed and oversight from my past.

I knew for sure what I want and how I should do getting what I want. For example, I wanna be sociable, I can. I have the skills and I have been withdrawing myself because I was afraid of the tiring part of getting to know each other again. You know, the process of knowing a new person. Getting over your territorial self and letting others in.

I dialled Jer up and kinda told him what happened on Saturday when we were supposed to meet up for late movie which was never put into action. I felt I owe him an explanation because it is unfair to have the other person getting angry and trying to guess or make out the situation. I've been there, like how Clara would express, "been there, done that" (though I'm not trying to mean it in an arrogant manner), I pretty much didn't want others to go through these unpleasantness.

I guess so much for a Buddhist teaching which is true - "the greatest battle is that against yourself". Wait, was that even Buddhism? Ha, pardon me if I am wrong, I'm not religious, though I respect them for what they are. Well, I suppose being answerable to myself is a key to making my life content. Of course, life's never contentful enough. There exist a limitness universe of wants and needs unattained, as what economist, Karl Max said. Enough is never enough. We keep moving forward for more once we are passed previous levels of satisfaction.

"Aint no mountain high enough", yes! I'm gonna sing it like Whoopie Goldberg. For what's worth, I am finally feeling I'm figuring a tiny bit of me. Like what And advised.

Just to sidetrack, ever notice what goes around at your house? I stepped out to the kitchen, feeling lethargic and abit moody until I came upon this floor mat which was unexpectedly adoringly-amusing. Awww.. just look at that.

Couldn't believe it's been in existence for months and only made its discovery until today! And I thought I only got to see this entertaining sight on Sunday mornings, 8:30 am show! Oh. my. gurd.

De one with Leaving

Go go..

There is always communion as well as parting. Am sure these occassions are not unfamiliar to us. So happens today was one of my colleague's final 8 hours with the company I'm currently working it. This happened before but..this time.. perhaps i was feeling alittle sendimental.

Don't get me wrong. Its purely professional. Just..how should I describe this better. It's like building a card-stack and one card just decides to go wobbling. It's the kinda disappointing.

Oh well, but I just have to put on my normal smile and give my graciousness. As much as it's unbearable, I just have to suck up to it and take things in my stride.

The blue butterfly settled momentarily on my right index finger, it must have picked up flora scent. Knowing its nature. Clipping its fragile wing would be cruel. I gently moved my finger, and the delicate creature flipped its magnificent wings, as though waving goodbye, before it spring flight. And gradually disappear in sight. 

De one with the Thin Line Between Friends and Partners

Resolutions

What disappoints me most is when people misinterpret you, and others who conceal themselves (like they have this self-induced imaginery curtain veil over their agendas and desires) right from the beginning. Yes, it is understandable to be polite and "protected" when we first get to know each other, as we are uncertained about how others would react to our true self and who are really are. I never had this problem. Well, not presently. I am comfortable with others. Except when I'm tired, I get alittle quiet and just scrap through the conversation coz it is pretty draining for me when I have to amplify my voice and give thoughts to whatever we are discussing.

L was alright but nowhere close enough. The best part of human interraction is building relationships and communications. Not commitments. Just accustoms. Imagine you've been using a new pencil leads and it keeps breaking and giving you problems from making use of it. It's.. feels like you just wanna struggle somebody's neck.

Hendri and I discussed this in our conversations while we were dining at my favourite restaurant. And considered my span with Clara, LW, Mohan, Qing, James, I guess I've developed to become a friend who's cares and behave genuinely a friend and even more. I don't mind paying for your dinner coz I don't think friends should be calculative over such trivial matters. When you feel scared at movies, you could cling to me. I go the extra mile to make surprises for you and well, even provide my shoulders and hugs to console you when you feel down. No, not promoting the deeds I've done.

Take Clara for example. When I'm out, sometimes I come across stuff she likes and just drop it into my tray without much validation. For her recent birthday, I bought this book which she exclaimed her liking while we were browsing at PageOne. It teaches you paper craft, making boxes and other containers for gifts. To have it wrapped in plain wrapper just insincere enough. I got tired of boxes and ribbons. So I spent over 3 hours, making a customised box-cover with engraved design (see below). It was one of the best birthday present I ever gave. The gift + packaging + sincerity + meaning. Full-scored perfection I'd say.

What Hendri asked was what's the difference between friends and life partners. I told him without hesitation, friends are everything the same, there is love and obligations, minus initimate physical actions, more affections and he/she's as important as my family. I wouldn't mind taking bullets for my partner man. And someone I won't get sick waking up to see, that very moment I open my eyes. A partner would be someone I find myself confiding too. Also, never in my life would I have to worry that he/she wouldn't stand up to defend or hold me when I am in trouble or distress.

If better, we could move in together. So we could complain about everything that happened at work, and love the things we hate about each other. That's true couples I guess.

Another difference between friends and lovers would be underlied by the time we spent together. Preferably, the time with lovers should be lengthier compared with friends. However, this is impractical coz friendships seemed to have lasted long majorly because it was built way before any love relationship (or considering in my case) was established.

*Takes a deep breath and exhales* Like myself would say and tell others, love comes at moments least expected. I am not looking for love. On the contrary, more hard-foundation friendships. And see where it goes.

De one with How Was Weekend?

Emerging Sunshine

"How was weekend" had always been something raised in my morning texts to others during mornings while I'm on my way to work. Perhaps I was sucked into being those who didn't have to chance to spend my weekend adequately. Hence, that leaves me nothing but to ask what others have been doing, to remain alive I think.

Last weekend I spent with my close friend. This weekend? I caught some good times with a new friend. Went to work in the afternoon, trust me, it's almost perfect to be alone in the romantically lit office, the white shades half-drawn so that the sun could sip in and onto my desk without hurting my eyesight. The air-conditioner blew cool breeze. It's just lovely to work alone in office on Saturdays.

Well, nobody likes the idea of having to work on weekends. Personally, I don't condone but duty calls. My client arranged for collection of documents, so since I was in charged of the assignment, I had to be around. I mean you can't possibly get your colleagues to do stuff for you. It's just against my principles. Anyway, she came aroudn 3pm, I finished what I needed to do by 3:30pm and hurried for my weekend appointment with L (no, not "L" from deathnote please).

Sad to say, the bus left without me before I reached the busstop. No choice, first instinct was to practice some courtesy in informing L I'd be late. Who'd have known, both of us were late. I arrived before though, so I thought it'd be nice to drop myself at Pageone which I've to comment, it's nice place to visit, like libraries when you are early and waiting for friends. Well, I discovered the stuff over there are less temptateous and even if the purchasing-itch overpowers, a magazine cost less than 10 bucks.

Well, another alternative was to hit Starbucks. I weighed both and headed to Pageone as I didn't want to feel bloated from hydration. It was really impromptu planning which was undesirable but it's adventureous. We booked movie tickets first before going for membership collection, I bought the MAC recharge water (didn't get the sporty orange one on my last shopping trip). Since it was mooncake festival's around the corner, L wanted to browse the Marriott snow skinned moon-cake with cheese. Sounds lucious but turns out, it is only exlusively available at the hotel itself (if there's not what I heard wrongly). I confess, the variety of mooncakes were luring. Walking into the festive-exhibition felt like enrolling as a contestant on temptateous island. But, I didn't spend a penny. If there ever was a Confessions of a Shopaholic finale scene replay, I think mooncakes might dance "Flip- flop hop, Rock Twist and Roll" and peonie, dragons and fishes printed on the mooncake boxes might just come alive in joyeous pride of my thiftiness.

Lunch-cum-dinner was done at this florist cum cafe restuarant. Something extraordinary wasn't the settling of the shop or the kind of food they serve. Rather, it was ordering two main course so that the two of us could share. Well, that's my first and I should say, somewhat pleasant experience. One up for unique first-time encounters! Let's see, *food images deciphering in the dreamy thought-bubbles* there was steamy beef lasagne, golden-shimmering chicket cutlet served with refreshing salad and peppery-high creamy spaghetti, and last but not least, the famous Lady and Tramp's meatball tomato-sauced spaghetti. We reckoned perhaps it was a few day's old eatery, so the food wasn't nice but it's definitely reasonably price. An Arte La Carte plus two main courses which came with soup, juice and dessert for a price of $30+. It's definately comparable with level-field players such as Cafe Carte and NYNY.

Movie was humorly-filled. The Ugly Truth. It's kinda ok. Normal storyline about romance between two loggerheads who went through some commitments and realise they had fallen in love with each other. It's something like the replay of "Date with Ted Hamilton". It spells the truth that true love is viable and more than never, it is geniunely found in people who truly understands you, not just on foundations of looks. I enjoyed it, despite L kept saying I was caught falling asleep with a smile. I was not!

It was late but we didn't want to go home. A day ain't complete without coffee. That's something rubbed off my outings with Mohan (whom I have no idea how busy this guy have gotten himself into). We headed to Novena only to get upset by the crowd at Starbucks and "da yang" ("close shop" in Mandarin) of TCC. Left with no choice, we cabbed down to 24 hrs Mc Donalds and we spent almost 2 - 3 hours practically chatting. It was superb to interact with another, so comfortably.. like there's something to confirm my existence and more importantly, the letting-off thought about stamping the "close" case on my endangered social life.

Hope yours was crunchingly-delightful as mine. Otherwise, reading this blog might just fill whatever that was lacking. Cheers.

De one with Shopping Revisited

Curr-ching!

"So much for frugal lifestyle" I told Clara when I met her at Orchard. Pretty determined I was in MRT-ing. As I approached the control station, I fished for the EZlink in my wallet, only to realise it was nowhere to be found. "I'm in the card compartment in your Agnes B", the card personalised in my mind. Oh boy.. no choice, I got myself a one-way ticket. Then ext garbra thing, I bought a ticket for pitstop at Orchard instead of Somerset (where we were supposed to meet). Damn garbra la.

Well, if that wasn't bad enough, starving boy made the both of us walked all the way from Takashimaya to Heeren and back, only to abode our plan for lunch and settled for drinks at the news-stand outside Heeren.

Bloated with water, we announced our shopping spree when we set foot into Ngee Ann City, Sephoria. Clara got a lovely-colored blusher. The first item before our empty hands accumulated, so did the credit card bill an receipts... and having our eyes filled with things since our stomachs weren't furnished.

While accomplishing a task for Clara's hunt for watch (present for her colleague), we located ourselves at this German watch-seller store. Therein you bet you'd never fail to amaze yourself with the beautiful and interesting collection. The customer service was good. Thye bothered to explain to you the characteristics of the watches, somewhat competent in their knowledge of the stuff they've got in their trunk. This is even when you are not diffusing your "I shall buy something from your store" aura. The collections ranges from a few hundreds to 4 digits, nearing 8-9K. Exclusive and interesting would be how I would fill the feedback survey, if there ever was.

The shopping continued for nearly three hours plus, I bagged some facial products from MAC, a 0.32 carat earrings from Lee Hwa (the most valuable purchase for the evening), a dvd, my Biotherm restock and a cologne. Clara said "we certainly got a good shopping today".

Guess we are getting old for this, shopping from near 4 - 10pm, our feets were begging for pardon. We found ourselves having coffee, tea with their "friends", a new york cheesecake and this chocolate lava-fordue. Trust me, it's chocolaty and the chocolate's generously oozing out when the fork embed its teeth into the auburn dessert.

Fruitful day doesn't come without a price tag. My kneel took a toll due to overexertion from the morning run and long-houred shopping journey on foot. And, the pinch of aftermath guilt that will surface when the bank print the digits onto the statement of accounts.

De one with Ace of Jekyll and Hyde

Universally owned

It is full liberty which turns everyone else shameless. I wouldn't vouch that they throw their morale values. Rather, as a personal opinion of a twenty-four year old, I feel they might have modified the social norms into a way they personally or others of their kind, deemed acceptable.

Notwithstanding legislation which approves concubines and mutiple-marriages, Society views second wives or "the other women" as something utterly disgraceful. The Chinese and native-koreans are huge defenders of these. Some women out there are willing to come out to the media and propagate their existence and the deeds which they feel justifiable to have everyone knows. Some for revenge nonetheless. Some for a second oportunity to shamelessly deprive others of their wealth-status. I guess it would be a pretty familiar scene in family courts where mistresses fight for status and alimonies. Well, I was just watching this American drama and also HongKong drama on vicious creatures. Well...drama nonetheless but it must have happened for scriptwriters to plot about it.

When we open our personal acceptance, people oversees what is so important to traditions (which is most often deemed to be boringly-dry and conservatively irrevelant for reality, for some) and behavoir such as way which they thought or opinion exceptional or brave because everyone other ain't in favour or acceptance of.

Being shameless is something we are not proud of. It is even scarier when the wrong-doer feels or is unaware of the wrong things they are committing. Like Jekyll not knowing what Hyde has done right from the beginning.

Fundementally, it roots from the non-admission of wrong which stirred humans, us, to become shameless, coming up and giving tonnes of excuses and lies from the "book 1,001 reasons for being immoral", to shud ourselves from punishment, truth and integrity.

I guess the Aces of Jekyll and Hyde had been burnt into effect at some point in our lives. Like Magic cards, all cards drawn needs a mana point. The mana point for employing the Ace card, lie to yourself.  

Nothing much. Just silly reasoning morales to state herein. 

De one with Epiphanic Moment

Momentary

Was on a leave today. I jolly-well might have all the excuses and reasons for taking medical certificates for getting overburned from last night's project mad-rush, go on holidays or just a day for family matters, study for exams. But for today, ask and my answer would be I have completely no idea why I applied the break for. Nope, not for a prolonged long weekend. The question and filling of leave application form was just as sudden as I least expected.

My day started at 8am. Watched this american drama series. Thought of heading for a tan today. Turns out ah ma said today was the last day of hell-gate's opening. Not "pan-tan" ("supersitious" in Malay), well, better to be safe than sorry. The wet weather didn't permit me as well, after all the considerable amount of incense-fernancing since yesterday night. Give the environmentalist a break. Tradition overrules i supposed.

Was expecting my crystal kris bears to arrive. Apparently it din't deliver until nine plus in the evening. Anxiousness transformed to relieve before turning into disappointment when I open the nicely-wrapped purchase to observe its arm positioned lower and detached from its sleeve. Not saying the arm is broken. It's just positioned away from its sleeve and the gap in between just makes the look weird. First was Johnny kris bear with the wire rope detached and uneffected waranty because the seller didn't stamp on the certificate. Man.. it's kinda mood-drowning. Perhaps I pinned too much hopes for.. satisfaction at higher-than-expected levels. I emailed the vendor and requested replacement to be processed.

Night time came when I just have to get this thorn in my mind - RT booking. It's dreadful. The schedules for selection is unconvenient for me given I have classes on Tue, Wed and Fri. Plus examination's due on 28th October and 5th November. Each RT session last three hours. Goodness, think i'll just take it as a gym session, getting reimbursed me for my attendence too..so that they could pay me more after I pass. How's that sound (?)

Well, this still doesn't bribe nor silence the frustrated inner soul, who's integri-ously having his hands on my head and shaking me awake, asking why we gotta be put through such tortitious obligations when the rest of the world ain't doing it. I mean you want the country to flourish economically, then why place so much emphasis on those who have served their commitments and you're getting fresh batches every year. It ain't physical fitness but discipline (de core) that forms the fundemental principle of the martians. But what can be done, everybody's too wimped to repel anything. The best solutions people are gonna fling at us "lgive up your citizenship and leave". It's just the same analogy as whistle-blowing.

Not suggesting havok.. just listen to what could be worked out and.. hey, we're not emphasising human rights.. just let us be what we can, be practical, and put our resources to better use, considering our options.

Indeed a rusty screw is unslightly, it holds the hinge for door

which serves as protection nonetheless.

 (Picture in courtesy of JuanJ, Flickr.)

Main lesson learnt for the blog? because life or things in life are imperfect, the more we have to discover how to notice the perfectness within the imperfectness.

De one with Project Group

Air of complaints

Honestly, those who love (I said "love", not "like" or "enjoy") project work, raise up your hand so that I could see or perhaps discharge my project load onto you. Not my fault, I'm just doing likewise what some of my projects mates are doing to me. Alright, cover your ears, Mr J's complaining.

Thanks to my low-esteem-hindered socialising, I never quite relate myself with group projects which amplifies my preference to go solo. Well, except it's mandatory for group work which I recalled once in which my group came up top and was invited to presenting at assemblies, I did fine at individual projects during primary to secondary. The other part which accounts for my dislike for group projects is the undesirable consequences of doing group project. Trust me and as most would agree, it gets alot dreadful when you have less-than-expected performance from those which the group recruited. 

Let's lay out these "undesirable consequences" shall we? First on the hussle list is "troubles in forming concesus". It involves three or more to constitute group work. It spells troubles when the members have different ideas and opinions. I'm stating a case notwithstanding the creativity, ideas-generation, equal distribution of workload so as to achieve productibility and quality of the project as a whole. Unfortunately, decision making is tough when you have people of different minds. People live apart. All these factors often land the group the initial problem of where and when to meet and approaches to completing the project. Recently, I personally encountered the problem of meeting up. We came up with a solution, pathetic but it was the best of all. We acknowledged the need to spilt up our work and just do separate parts before consolidating. "Mere patching up of individual works" we often call it. It doesn't take the reader long before he or she or he-she notice the non-cohensiveness in the completed work, nonetheless incomplete as it lacks synchonisation. Recently, Zhen Ze and I made use of technology. We applied work etiquette - net-meeting to discuss our projects.

Second hussy derives from unfairness which is inherent in every group projects. There is always a leader as well as the "under-performers", or "free-riders" or "slackers" in modern lingo. It gets off the scale as to how much work load each accepts and actually accomplish. Seriously speaking, it is group work which expose people to unfair treatments. Gurrh, I hate it when people fail to realise how much you've done. Instead of appreciating and acknowledging your contributions, they conveniently ask you this favor and that, on basis that you're free and in capacity to accomodate more. It's very sad.

Project work doesn't guarantees increased efficiency. On the contrary, it lowers efficiency when the group lacks discipline. You can have people on the laptop, distracting you with conversations or phrased-out. Definitely no no. When I'm with such members, I often pray hard for my mutation cells to evolve during my life-span for me to have special powers to control the behavior of these annoying people like a remote control!

Nevertheless, despite being an advocate towards group work, I think group work does has its beautiful sides. Apart from those earlier mention, I guess group group extends your contacts in a way and thus, builds your character in dealing with your peers sitting at the same table. Through the quality of the work they produce or notice the way they presents themselves at project meetings, you genuinely learn more about your associates. The strengths and weaknesses are identified. For me, I learnt and it teaches me who I could approach for their fortes.

Much discussed, I shall revealed today I was kinda pissed after reading what a p-mate sent me. He instructed me what to do and I.. took it in a bad way coz I felt I done quite a fair bit already. Aww.. and I reconsidered again.. it's just not worth getting too bothered. Whichever we are asked, we just help whenever we can. Taking it like a mouthful of bitter medication. It would be accounted by those above, "you-know-who". Better use the time to complete whatever there is left and expediate on closure.

De one with Flash the Red Light On!

Dear all,

If you love me please stop my "evil twin brother", Ja5on from making such gutter decisions! Goodness, he's splurging nearly a thousand for these...

 

(From top, left to right: Francois, Fritz, Johnny, Kaatje and Kumiko. All pictures in courtesy of google web and Swarovski crystal. This website has not affiliation with the sellers nor are the pictures with intentions to action sales nor purchase) 

Damn, He saw my 11 "precious" and now the appetite's gotten into him.. and these are the previous collections which had been unrevealed via the most "evil tool" he's possessed - the Internal and Ebay. *palm on forehead*

He's got them all.. "recruiting" from United Kingdom, Netherlands, Australia and US.. Jesz.. I've gotta drive some sense into this guy in me.

 

Actually, I reckon both of us fell for the cute features and the joy it brings. You know, certain things/person in life are just too perfectly adorable, its irresistible cute appearance just capitvate our hearts.

In fact, I do admit money can't buy anything. What's that? It's Love. Or to be more specific, genuine love. Well.. showering gifts to gain accompany isn't a form of buying love, it's bribing. Transfering money to have someone is providing finance assistance or even rosier, charity to the Ministry of love. True love? It can't be bought but earned through sincerity, commitment and trust. Prerequisites? Chemistry (so I supposed those doing fine at chemistry perform likewise in love?)

Alright lame. I'd think love is a lottery. When the place, time and most importantly, the person is right, it will be yours for the keeping. Joy is the winning. What about those who yet to find the right one?

For me.. I reserved a space for that special someone to claim the throne.. like all Disney cartoon characters, they have these "calefare" or bit-role characters (mostly in the form of animals which magically talks or are able to express their emotions to humans), I have these exquisite pals to accompany me, despite they aren't interractive but hey, it's just sufficient to accumulate joys from life when other aspects aren't available.

Not gonna discard these babies away but i'm sure, they contain fond memories in years to come. Very unlikely we throw our memories away do we? Such pretty artefacts that glitters charm unto my heart.

De one with Falling Petals

Petals falls, crystal clefts

Sometimes I just wanna sit down, glaze at the ceiling, anything and stone. That's precisely what I'm doing as I blog. The only parts of my body which are busy working now are my fingers and eyes.

Don't you find it amusing, somewhat miraculous most of the time certain things we desire in life end up becoming something else or worst, nothing. Most will shrug their shoulders and say "well, that's life. Everybody's accepting it. What can we do about it?". Expecting me to say likewise? Hmm.. I can deny yes, I'm afraid sometimes, it is.

Things don't go our way all the time, especially when we grow out of the protective years in which our parents pamper us with all the possiblities of making everything smooth-sailing. Pulling the focus back to me. I have education, work exposure, family's love. To top the cream, I've got one of the leading facial care, wardrobe-ful of colognes and footwear, invest-able-bags and clothing, supplementary cards, best friends, family who loves me to the brim. I maximise my lifestyle with books, tea and coffee chill-out, admire and feel rejoyed with my Swarovski collection, fair bit of jogging, occassional swim and tan sessions. Not forgetting embarking on overseas traveling experiences. Have you lovelites watched "Confessions of the Shopaholic"?.. I believe leading a life like a book, that's filled with anything, ranging from self-drawn delights, Tiffany ribbons, metals from Lee Hwa, pen-marks from colleagues on my birthday card, receipts from Orchard road, picture-freezed memories to fragments of my shattered heart.. Ahh yes.. anything but the matters of the heart. It's a bottle that's half-filled, mainly attributed by my family. Embedded it thick based is the bespoken love from those who left.

Little did I ever realise this could occur to a guy. But I am feeling it. Worried in fact, I'm running out of..  (mubbles)... I heard sighs, another staring into blankness. And.. another comes, gently places his hands on my shoulders and gives a grip. He whispers a voice which echoed a mimicking mind: Love comes to those who least expect it.

True enough, it is.. I know it's a temporary pacifier which I would grow out of. Bought so much crystal, the gleaming silver lining ought to be out someday. Trust.

De one with Most Wanted Revealed!

No, this is not MJ news

Suspense is such thrilling thing! My manager wrote on my recent birthday card: "God (Please take this as an universal love) loves the cheerful giver". These little indulgences are expensive but each and everything joy it derived me carried me through these few tough weeks.

 

All products are my purchase but hey, (in courtesy of) Swarovski logo did appear in some of the photos above.

Since little, I have always got a thing for crystal and collection. Primarily because I love having things which are complete. A set of variety within a group that's bonded/identifiable with a sense of belonging. My first crystal was an anniversary gift from my Daddy when he returned with the similar navy blue box which contained swans. When we went Australia, I collected a set of crystal bears playing musical instruments.

After more than a decade, these appeared. Thanks to the love that never fail to guide me through when torments of life are taking its toll on me. The rediscovered love from innocent. I watched this film recently, "The Boy in Pajamas".. it opens with this phrase which I felt it to be true.. "Childhood is measured by sight, smell and sense, until the evils of logic comes in". I wouldn't deny I'm a child no longer. One might feel I'm escaping back in time. No I'm not. I am moving forward with my current purchasing power, using my past experience, the fuel from a childhood's joy, to propel me forward against the challenges life has in-stored for me.

Don't you just love them?

De one with Pre-episode

Feeling Blue (in a good way)

My favorite color - blue. Anything associated with this always means good to me. That's the color of the elegant packing with contains my latest billboard list of...! Slimmer down.. shh.. it's a secret.

Lately I'm amazed I go through this crazy week. The rest were cheering me on. Thanks guys and the fighting spirit which persevered on. And lastly, "Wonder girls" for their groovy catchy award-winning song, Nobody. It's a highly recommended must listen song. The chorus' addictive! Not for the softhearted though.

Youtubed them. These korean girls can really dance. Boy, they really franked out every sexy and feminine moves, every strength a woman could possess. Award them the two-thumbs up. I must say, the dance choreographer ought to be talented. Besides, thunderous applause for the music director too. Really displayed the wonders of music. Same song, same lyrics but different versions, difference genre of music - from pop, to sentimental ballad, to groovy disco-beat.

That made me feel better. Landing me spaces to enjoy the teeny bit of life amongst the pricky grey moments. Bouncing back to high-moods or at the least, the "green" zone. Stay tune for the next blog folks!

De one with Contemplating

Sea of thoughts

Today my mood was as dark as my black outfit. Somehow I couldn't help but feel left out or astrayed. It's time I address this inner-unhappiness. Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I have a burning passion for it. But it's just the system and the way things are being administrated, it's restricting or pissing me to a certain extend. Human relationship bothers me. I hate it. Perhaps this is "politics" - a strategy I'll never master.

I am contemplating whether I ought to take a break. I texted Clara. Of course, I worked out the pros and cons mentally. Damnit, of all things I hate most is to sit on the fence. Where I know I can't "buy both, when in doubt" unlike shopping.

Perhaps I should. Maybe not. What's gonna happen next semester when I'm already struggling like mad this semester with so much projects. Ooooo boy. Wish some guardian angel or fairy god-brother would appear and give some advice.

Shhhh... there's a secret held in the heart of the little boy. Who came out of the cacoon and slip back in.

De one with Out Loud, Scream & Shout!

Let's get loud

Have the lights dimmed for the silence to fill the brightness chased away by absolute darkness. After 5 seconds, an astounding spotlight reveal itself, bring with it shimming precipitation of silver and gold dust, falling lightly onto a small figure who stands centre-stage.

"Oh.. this is thrilling" he thought, with a racing heart putting sweaty palms to work. The estasy of excitement burnt his glowing cheeks, melting upon interaction with the icy-prick from temporary pride, as well as fright - like the fusion of a solvent and solute. It's nerve-racking to be embraced with attention whenever you make your appearence yet we enjoy being a willing-subject of a crowd's focus.

Yes, that's the leo in action. I just adore this moment as though time itself had decelerated for the nano-seconds reserved, exclusively for me.

It's no use making a grandeur appearence if you can't substain. I can't. My avoidance of eye-contacts, the best companion of perilous shyness, gave me away like the clearing of mist by a hasty gust. And the de facto lead, the soft-voice.

I figured alot of things as I gazed out blankly from the cab's window. Ideas, issues and matters churning like a rotary. And the lightbulb floating above my spikey-hair came to life before it burst and engulf itself into flames. Jason needs to possess another skill. The capability to speak out fcuk*ing loud and confidently, like how highlighters do.

Emo's definately not a channel this time. Enough demagnetising people like static. Enough is enough! Speak up! Be heard! And set the inner-charisma ablazed and glorified!

De one with Joe to Complete My Birthday

Lovely ending

Don't we just hate endings. As we grew older, I guess we learnt to appreciate the process before and after. Pardon my philosophies these days. Couldn't think of better way to add fragrance to my blogies. Just bear with me alright?

I believe in having the best things in life, if they are within my capability or reach. For my birthday finale, my close friend, Ms Clara planned a two-thumbs up movie, cuddled with a first-time dinner encounter, short shopping therapy and warm coffee.

Before movie, we went for a little window shopping. Both of us concluded my shopaholicism had ceased. Can you imagine I purchased nothing after having patronised PageOne, River Island (ok there was this shirt which didn't have my size), NUM and Zara. Frugal lifestyle - spending way below my means!

G.I.Joe ain't favorably commented good without substance. Verified it with my own eyes. There wasn't much of a story line (except the good triumph over evil who tried to take over/cause destruction to the world) but you'll most likely look over this with such heart-thrilling action scenes and mind-inspiring nano-technology prototypes.

The cast were well selected. Channing was handsome, the promoter to intrigue people to catch the movie. What you expect while watching it proved more than just handsome cast. Clara commented "Anna" (Sienna Miller) was pretty. Her face was made for the spects she wore for the role in the movie.. you know..like how Famke Janssen looked in X-men 1. I thought Megan Fox was much of a Venus compared to here (if we run the "beauty cum sexy" test on both Sienna and Megan).

The above aside, both of us felt the most captivating character for G.I.Joe, Rise of the Cobra went to Snake Eyes, the hero who doesn't talk due to a silence vow he made on his teacher's death. I guess he's the real person who can fight. Those slick ninja moves and the fascinating sword moves. Wee.. you just gotta catch it. This is what's called a movie!

We had Italian food, as I requested since I wanted pizza. Modesto. It's pretty good. But I pondered why Clara had to make a reservation when it wasn't really crowded. She totally enjoyed the squishy mushroom appetizer. Nearly killed me. I must say.. the pizza (tomato, cheese and chicken sausages) complemented the "deadly" appetizer. Funny thing was, the waiter only bring us the chilli-flakes and cheese when we each had our first piece of pizza. Weird.

Clara wanted to take photos of whichever that was laid on the table. I was too fast with most of the dishes. So the food pictures end up being cut. Haha.

We had our fill, I insisted we go to Orchard coz I was looking for a mug to buy. You see, the white lovey mug I had was cracked because I had knocked it against while washing in the toilet. Damn it. Now I'm deprived of drinking from a mug. Desperately needed one. Thought I was fortunate to be able to locate one. Turns out the mugs there were all not so friendly-arranged.. all were placed closely with each other, I had trouble exercising so much caution and picking the designs, I gave up. Think it's easier if I get it at Ikea.

Went to NUM at Heeren but Clara made it inevitably short-time for me to decide whether or not to step into the store. Oh well.. look on the bright side, I didn't get to incur any cash outflow. Which is good.

I got my 4th birthday gift. Though the packaging wasn't glamorous. Erm, I just couldn't resist commenting, she didn't have time to shred the magazine, end up roll magazine like love-letters crackers to provide.. (here's the hilarious-climax) cushion for the pair of irresistibly-adorable pair of Chip and Dale pushies. Hahaha. She never fails to buy gifts which made me smile ear to ear. Plus her actions and the back-stage stories.. like she contemplated whether she really wanted to give the C&D to me because it was just too cute to be given away. Damn amusing. What are the chances that you buy presents for others which you'd like to keep it for yourself. Oh boy.. but I must admit, as much comic as the presents contained, it carries its significance of sincerity. That.. was something gifts from a close friend never lacked.

We didn't talk much over coffee or latte so to speak. Perhaps that's what to expect when you put two lethargic souls together. We did conversed over a few.

Received two birthday cards. One from my colleagues who mostly wrote I was too quiet. On this, I felt perhaps they really didn't know me well. I am a chatty person, friendly too. But my voice was soft (I'm those who would lose/hoarse my voice if I strained talking loudly for overly long). Hence, it takes one-to-one interaction and a conducive environment to pick up my talkative capabilities. Ha.

So ya, this year's birthday's definitely rosier. No birthday wishes, gave out expensive goodie bags but I'm contended enough. Hope there are more to come? Wishing all had enjoyed as much as I did. Look forward to celebrating next year's with improved adventures!

De one with Bottomless Pit

So much for love

Of all things, love is something that nobody could control or reckon with. Could it be really the workings of fate? Nah... fate just brings people at some place during some point in time.. often repeatedly. Could there really have been a Cupid who cause people at random to fall for each other?

Could this person be or not to be..that's a difficult question to clarify yourself with. Man.. what's gotten into me. I keep chanting to myself faithfully that it's no rush. Coz doing so just brings forth infactuations which ain't gonna last.

Love is a funny thing. It is a feeling. A passion that's short lived for some, yet otherwise, so powerful for some who got their lives disturbed by it. In any case, receiving love can be a problem. So does rejecting it.

I need chocolates. Life's too dull with that red and gold streak. Mr Emo go away, brush pass me and go and die.

De one with One Year Less Quarter a Century

Transition

Last year's birthday was pathetic I think (sadly). No lovely, romantic dinner. No grand celebration except rushing back from client's place to have a subtle lunch with pizzas. I don't know what's wrong. People all seemed quiet in my presence, unlike the rowdy scene when others were having their birthday. Well, at least at night my granny and cousin celebrated. Oh, and there were alot of cakes.

I reckon there's no hybrid in life. You couldn't have better things without having lose another. Likewise for this year, there were more people spending my special day with me, more presents but less cake and no birthday wish. Haha. Why? You see, my colleagues celebrated my birthday at Glasshouse Fish and Co. Their custom was to have the birthday boy stand on the chair, get the restaurant's attention and request you blow off the candle from where I am standing without bending. So the pressure with the entire restaurant gazing at you and accomplishing the challenge of blowing off the candle (was only successful on my 2nd attempt). All these just make me wanna get things done and get over with. By the time I realise I didn't make my birthday wish, it was past twelve.

Movie with a friend. UP in 3D. Pixar's productions are wonderful, starting off with the touching short animation on the "friendship" between a cloud and a stork before the main heart-opening stories of the loving promise between Carl Fredricksen and his wife, Ellie to live by "Paradise" and the friendship between an endangered bird, Carl and a little scout. It was good. Like dim sum for the heart Except! The spects was heavier than expected. It caused my ears to hurt, largely because I was not accustomed to putting on spects.

The last few minutes after I officially became one year less a quarter of a century was well-spent with my god bro and his dear one. It was a simple "suaning" ("being criticised" in Hokkien) session. The good part was they waited for me as my movie finished 30 minutes late. They got this gold present, beautifully wrapped shimmering cream-colored ribbons. Bad part, got "suan-ed" by my god bro. To make things worst, that friend I had movie with suggested ostracizing me. I couldn't admit I was.. never mind. Retain the pleasant, discard the uglier ones.

Went out to have dim sum with Daddy and cousin @ the Fortunate Restaurant. The service is pretty bad. Trust me. Lemme share what's bad service. Bad service is having to sit and wait for tea to be served, look around, trying to viy for assistance and asking for normal dim sum items such as "zi bao gai" ("paper-wrapped chicken" in Cantonese). Good service, on the other hand, is constantly being pampered with choices, promptly served with assistant, filling of tea cup, and having stuff on the table to eat without time to look up for pushcarts.

No matter how my birthday's were celebrated, certain things never change. Firstly, I am contented someone remembers. It's a day my existence was affirmed. Secondly, I'll think of my mother and unwind the deep-buried misses of the days we used to celebrate my earlier birthdays. Thirdly, the smses I get without having me to initiate. Thanks everybody.

Personally, I feel adding a year to age doesn't mean anything unless we pay attention to the wisdom we've acquired. Apart from the undeirable denial of recognising you're ageing, this year I realised along the pave in life, some people leave, others comes to stay. What's wonderful is to live life and be thankful of the footprints they left behind, like a paint-drop, filling up the chapters in my book of life.

Happy birthday to me.

De one with Ethical Presentation

Done and get over it

Like fluids along the riverbank, it approaches a coarse path and gets cloaked. The same for the blood in my brain, perhaps the flawed workings of anatomy. The spirit is rushing in reaction to my life's schedule. I attempted and failed my IPPT (Individual Physical Proficiency Test). Alright, do admit I hadn't been training. I mean I got this shoulders aching since my injury. Plus, I was sick all the way three days until test date. To make things worst, work and project pressures tagged along. The problem-cluster.

What can I do? Pray for a miracle. Yet I wonder, could it be someone's cursing or doing voodoo on me. Aww.. I truly DON'T WANT remedial training.

Nevermind about today. I recalled on National Day, we were preparing for this ethics presentation on a prescribed case study. Was high on drugs for my influenza. Remember clearly my entire body was heated up. Well, commitment over social-responsibility, I just had to be there. Else, we wouldn't be as prepared today.

Was supposed to have meeting for rehearsal. End up certain agenda called for my necessary absence. Turn up I was late today because I needed to get something for my client (since I'll be returning and expecting my last day there). Reason for the gift? It's because they have been so hospitable and nice to me. Old lady making milo and asking me to drink plenty of water and.. I stayed late yesterday, she had to stay (later than usual) because I was pushing for my audit. Then she brought me a packet of cheese biscuits and hot water because the office was pretty cold (centralised airconditioning.. you know how bad it was).

Despite rushing in a cab, i was 15 minutes late. Felt guilty. During break time, my team rehearsed to let me have a feel of how the flow's gonna be like. When the turn came, all of us were nervous. Or at least I was. Stage fright was something that could only be controlled if I've been repeatedly doing this for a few times. When y turn came, I knew I had to use the mic. To play it safe. The previous two speakers didn't use any mic. I knew roughly what I needed to say but you know.. during the actual, we kinda didn't perform as well as we expected.

The paper (my script) was trembling in my hands. To conceal my flaws, decided it's best to have it placed on the table and spoke on improvision. Never liked eye contact but I tried my best to overcome, looking in the direction of the audience yet not concentrating on any of their faces. At times, maintained eye contact with the lecturer (to get through what I'm trying to explain). So ya.. there was a handful of concurrent actions. Was controlling my speech, sometimes my hand-gestures tend to bring the mic away and I have to bring it back near my lips to be heard. Thank goodness. At the end of the day, we got 7 out of 10. Fair enough for me. But my teammate was pretty disappointed from his despaired expression.

We received feedbacks from our classmates after that. They said I was the wisest. Thanks to the mic. One asked why our words were pink (actually it was red on the laptop screen) when the entire team consist guys. To make things worse, two of us wore T-shirt which read "Brokeback mountain". Hilarious.

Oh well.. what's done is done. There is still a loadful of projects to come and cared for.

So much for striving for a frugal lifestyle, I cabbed home again.. did some weights lifting. Dumbbells actually. Hopefully.. for all the luck in the world, look forward to having a pass by next tues. Else, my worst nightmare will come.

De one with Last Week

Recovery

Received a message from Clara this morning announcing the demise of Loo on his flight to some place 6 hours apart. Despite being dizzy-headed (most probably last night's flu-medicine and the paracetamol to blame), I couldn't help but be amused by the contents. I replied, the way she put it was as though Loo was Kenny died in SouthPark(though I have never watched any episode) and you know, his friends said "there goes Kenny" without any facial expression... like those cartoon characters saying calmly that their friend got blowned away, so random that you couldn't help but sense the inferred joke.

It seemed like only yesterday I was out with this buddy. Last Saturday to be exact. My good friend Loo Wan needed to do some last minute shopping - things on this "peace or hell" list which was crucial to the outcome of his overseas attachment cum vacation at Holland. Still lost? Don't be. He was caught in a dilemma of getting a new camera or just an additional battery for his existing one. Holiday at Europe, taking pictures are too good to be miss, don't you agree?

So we met with my neck still intact..thankfully it wasn't aching so much, just that I couldn't turn as I wished. Sidetrack abit.. ya.. it's been what? 4 days and it ain't healing back then. Went to chinese physician, he said it would take 3 days to recover. My family GP said it will take a week. Today, res ipsa loquitur, it's taking more than 2 weeks. Still aching randomly.

Back to Saturday, we had a sumptuous lunch at Sakae sushi. I mean literally. Two of us tabbed the bill at $90 ought. We tried a couple of new stuff.. like hotplate Unagi (Loo kept telling me it was nice), softshell crab (this being my firsttimer experience), cold salmon dish. There were the usual.. cheese tori, chawamushi, miso soup, 9 plates of gunkan shushi, tuna-shashimi salad (Clara wasn't here, so we did away with her all-time favourite sakea salad..eeewkk.. the jellyfish makes me legs go weak, lol). It was so much the table wasn't enough to fill. So we had to do alot of first-in-first-out eating strategy. Damn rush. By the end of it, Loo didn't want to leave. We came to conclusion it was Clara's fault for not turning up, else we'd be so full. Haha. Anyway, we reminded ourselves of the agenda for today. Only did I pay at the cashier did I realise my card expired. So did my birthday voucher attached with the ex-card. No choice, reapply again. Anymore drama? Loo and I "waged war" on who's going to pay. Haha.. obviously I won. Reason? We both had OCBC card, my membership claimed victory.

It took us a few minutes to plan our route. So we headed to Marina cause he was looking for a Sony shop. Only when we arrived there did we figured my mistake. The "sony" store turned out to be "Creative". Haha. Fortunately, he managed to get his disposable underwear and waistpouch at Traveller's. Pretty ex though. But the undies were selling 20 cents per piece. Provided it last for two days.

We made our way back to Raffles where Loo wanted to browse at G2000. Apparently there was a sale. But no luck. So we headed down to Sim Lim. I tell you, it's amazing.. you could learn so much there. We went to two stores and they taught us what's the pros and cons of a "genuine" Sony battery and a "compatible". You see, the "genuine" Sony battery cost around $54-58 but last shorter than its counterpart. Might be due to certain production cost budget or ISO standards (they wouldn't want the battery to go bursting the cameras). Compatible provides more power at around 40% price cheaper but risk leakage problem which ends up spoiling the camera too.

Besides this, Loo needed a SD-card reader which he managed to get. The former purchase was conclude-less as his brother could get a new battery for less than $20.

I bought a book - "Millionnaire next door" as recommended by Chin Yu. As much as I am enthusiastic in reading it, current life schedule and health doesn't seemed to permit me to. Sigh.

Completing our purchase for the day, we dropped by TCC at Bugis. There was a pretty few "NEW" stuff in their menu. Since our stomachs were still filled from lunch, we had drinks and some light-snacks (ie Vege-quinche and nachos). Ok, so much for light snacks. We had an hour plus chat.. concerning our future, girls and me adopting his children, current friends issue and.. most importantly, I confided all my problems with him. I was expecting otherwise. Or I wasn't pretty sure of the reaction Loo might have to the things I was confiding it. Turns out he was ok with it and even consoled me. Which was unexpectedly good.

It was a Saturday well spent. Friend. Lunch. Shopping. And chat over coffee. Life couldn't get better. And I shall dedicate this blog to my good friend Loo, whom I shall not see the next 5 months, likewise as I've texted.. take care and remember to email us. Have fun and do come back in fit-piece. ;)

De one with Gamble

Risk-taking day

Never knew what it means by "waking up on the wrong side of the bed" until this morning. Yes, bad things happened again. *Lifts both palms up, in a surrender manner*. Not being pessimistic but it's true.

First things first, my aching neck and shoulders resumed its bad condition - Merciless sharp pain. Ouch! No signs of improvement. Seems as though the previous agonies were tolerated for nothing. Which also leads to serious doubts over the medication I'm feeding myself past two days. As much as I feel annoyed with my unfavourable health condition, there's nothing I could do to make life easier.

I couldn't but feel overwhelmed with guilt for not turning up at work during this crucial time when my jobs are due for clients' submission. Called back office, had a chat with my manager and understand that my existing jobs were, to my discontent, showing a fair bit of problems. Most of these post-review points requires couple of amendments. This was disappointing but not the least. The "worst part" was feeling awfully-terrible having learnt that my colleagues in office are slogging to clear my mess. I was disgusted with myself coz I've always strongly believed it's alright to help others but never have others bear the responsibility, on my behalf, over something caused by my fault or folly. You see, self-responsibility means a great deal! Personally!

As much as I wanted to head back to office, there was nothing I could do. Rebec advised me to pray to God. I said my faith wasn't that strong. He wouldn't help me for sure. So.. Jasons decided for me to sleep over it.

Came afternoon, a dispirited self wanted to call off the appointment arranged with Chin Yu a week ago. However conscience caught up with me, cause me to feel kinda bad should I back-paddle now. Thus, decided to clenched my teeth, bear the ache and head to Ion as planned. As much as I needed to get out to have some fresh air, I was kinda worried about two things. Firstly, whether my back condition might be aggravated. Secondly, what if my colleagues spot me outside when I'm supposed to be resting at home. Wuaoo.. I felt so small and strange being at Orchard mrt which obviously transformed so much (mainly because I had been traveling to work cabbing). It took me 3 minutes to figure out the path to Ion entrance and see my good friend (who's here on his 4th trip). Man.. I feel so uninformed and.. small because this new shopping mall is complicated and huge.

Chin Yu wanted to try this chinese restaurant.. but the food wasn't to my liking. So we travel some 200 metres and located this Japanese DIY teppanyaki, SHO-Teppan. The food concept is obvious - hot plate. Something like Pepper lunch, except it's one step before the practice at Pepper lunch where the food was sizzling by the time it was served. At SHO-Teppan, ingredients like the meat, eggs are served raw. You place it on this thermal glass (expensive capital assets) and wait for the cooking to begin (that accounts for the "DIY" print on their promotional menu).

Prices hovers around $9.90 to $14 bucks(?).. meals comes in teppanyaki or soup-based choices..accompanied by a miso soup and salad. Drinks sold separately. Worth the price. But well..it's something that will most likely bored your tastebud if you been there like twice. For someone who loves hot-plate.

Chin Yu introduced the 1-2nd floors are for (price) middle-range products. The top floors are for high-range. It's true. Harry Winston, International Watches moved in. LV, Bally, Prada? well..the standards.

I bought two pairs of Havaianas. Bearly did I know though the brand is common, this store, Havaianas and NUM are in fact competitors. How do I know? We were patronising the loggerhead-store at Heeren and the store assistant asked permission to see what their counterparts are selling. Sigh.

There wasn't much to shop for. Perhaps because we had what we wanted for the day. I remembered walking around with my arm pressing my shoulders to massage in desperate hopes to ease the ache. The important thing I've learnt is.. Chin Yu told me of this book, Millionaire Next Door. For those who didn't know, it's a best-seller some years ago, written by a researcher Thomas J Stanley, on the rules and secrets of the elites or wealthy people in US. I do agree to what Chin Yu briefed about the contents of the book. It made me reconsider about my lifestyle. Not being rich. Just what's going on with my satisfied yet uncontented lifestyle. Hmm.. I do admit it is wrong. He mentioned "frugal" (means "fiscal self-restrain"), caught my attention like a nail in the head. Hmm.. this is an interesting book which I ought to have my hands on.

Finally, apart from my friends, something for me to indulge myself in!

De one with Recent

Pain in the neck

Honestly, I have no idea how one could sprain their necks. Ridiculous as it sounds but it really does happen... on me. My colleagues and friends asked in concerned about the cause. Could barely figure out the reason myself. Had dinner with Max on Monday. Didn't buy anything. Next morning I woke up, showered and my left shoulder-blade felt a sharp pain. Since then, the agony begun and waged on till this very day.

Agony brought drama. As it was too excruciating to move my neck around literally, I had to take medical leave. Got Mama to fetch me to this Chinese physician at Ang Mo Kio Ave 4. There, we learn I had inflammation - the bottom of my neck was red and swollen all the way till my shoulders. Sounds bad. He rubbed some medication before sticking this medicated pad of chinese herbs on my back, scrotch-typed. It's ugly but I couldn't care less.. I'd wear anything just as long as I get healed.

Everybody told me I needed rest. Yes. But the traumatising experience is having to feel the sharp pain everytime I get up. Sigh. I texted Efi saying I feel like ripping my head off my body. Sleeping at night was troublesome too. Every movement concerning the turn of my body, neck, arms, sneezes and yawning would trigger the "sting" on my back. It disturbed my sleep, waking me up 2-3am.

Yesterday night, I figured if I sleep face-down, it helped reduced the impact of the pain. So all I did was to lay face-down before I retard my turn to lie on my back. Just had to do the reverse to get up. Torturous.

Went back to the chinese physician in hopes of getting further treatment. End up in vain. He was right la.. massaging or "tui na" would only worsen the swelling. Hence, left with no choice, we headed back to Western medical aid which was why I found myself waiting in the queue to see my family general physician some 10 minutes later.

She gave me a jab. On my bottom. It's abit embarrassing. What else could be done if the boy wants rapid parting with his sour-ache nightmare?! The painkiller jab didn't take effect until late afternoon. Prior this, I was back at home, like a helpless paralysed "vegetable".. inconvenient at making much movements. The best thing to do was to nap. Like H advised, the best is to take advantage of this time to rest and only by doing so will my health get restored so I could get back to work.

Speaking of work, all my jobs are pressing for my attention. All at its final laps - the review and final clearing of points. Deadlines are tomorrow and hell..there's only so much we or I could do, given my unplanned-for health situation, it appears nothing allows for any damage-control. Nor possible.

I told Clara, this frustrating drama might most likely seeded from bad karma. All my goodest friend promoted was her "brillant" old wives' tale of BBQ-ing my pillows under the scorning sun. Oh boy, her promotion period lasted damn long lor...

Back again on the karma, am i thinking too much? Don't wish to. My neck doesn't permit me anyway.

De one with Hiatus

Glad to be back

The month of June wasn't a good one for me, given what happened. Don't worry, I'll shall be blogging about it in blogs to come. And.. well, you shall get a re-enread of these past few weeks.

Right now, it seems my hands are full, juggling components of life: Deadlines from work, friends' accompany, sorting my chaotic feelings. It's sick. Like D said, that's life and we gotta keep moving, even when it means dragging ourselves from standstill.

I've always known possessing the traits of an introvert is my curse. It's something I've been trying to deal with. Trust me, it's a tough fight. It's true the saying goes "a leopard would never change its spots". Suppose that couldn't be more appropriate here.. no matter how much concealers or makeup would even help my innate flaws.

Oh well.. My epic idol once commented "I'm not God, it's impossible for me to please everyone". That's true. Take it or leave it. And no looking back.

The glitter never sparkles every minute. It needs alittle polishing to revive the glamor.