De one with The Last High-hoper

Just-In-Time

Managed to catch The Last Air-bender three hours ago. Hmm.. not pretty bad show. A few good old graphic effects when these element-benders conjure their super-abilities. But... the storyline was delivered right at the start which it'd be most appropriate to say "the movie definitely has got air, water, earth and fire except an element of surprise". *Fold my arms* I'd give a 2 out of 5 popcorns if I were to be the critic for the house. Cast wise, not idea, well...that's how young starts are born I guess.

Since this is Book One: Water, audiences (I suppose the kids and those noisy teenagers sitting behind me) would look forward to Book Two. The last part was inserted abruptly, as if in the case of us slotting in an Annex just because we forgot to include some critical parts and time had run out for the assignment to be handled up. The finale was desperately trying to announce there's a sequence. Tsk tsk, giveaway.

Oh well, the lesson for the day - I realised my movie experience requires a high-flying score with concentration, accompany, the movie and venue. Any of these get stained with glitches and it will cost me the evening's experience to turn sour. Was head-over-heels premiering my Dolce until this guy came into his seats late, stepped onto it. Shoes are intangibly unfeeling. I, on the other hand, literally felt my heart ache.

Company does matter, if he/she leans too close to you and saturate your nostrils with the strong fragrance on his/her clothes, kiss your entertainment goodbye. As much as I was trying to follow through the screenplay, the plumage in my nose injunct me so. Musky is good. Too musky, guys, let's just take a break with the spray shall we?

The venue. *cracks my knuckles*. Selection of venue is vital. Imagine a wedding dinner at a kopitiam. It's the surrounding, seats, behavior of other audiences which ultimately affect your mood. If you ask me for my opinion, going to an over-crowded Cineleisure when I'm in executive wear - n.o. w.a.y. Never will I do that again. Cross thy heart. It's just unbearably noisy, filled with young kids. Hades, recall back some of these souls please.

Ok, perhaps I am temperamental. Ageing la. What to do? As we fret over ageing, it is comforting to know other things don't. Like this one!

Recently, my decisions miraculously get more reassured despite they were mere insignificant choices without much thought. I worked so hard my eyes hurt this week. Hence, my temporarily blindness let my feet taxi me around. Before I knew it, it brought me to Swarovski. I inquired with the sales assistant for the annual Christmas Kris bear. In fact, I dialed Vivocity before heading out. Both gave me disappointing replies. Inspite of  "judgmental advise" to soothe me (as a customer), the stock had already arrived today. This day that seemed vid and grey suddenly turned bright as I touched this tiny piece of delight and ornament of luck.

Certainly, a silver sparkling lining after grey clouds (that's more like it). The reunited of thy "petite colony". Yeay!

De one with Dolce & Gabbana

Specificity

In times of uncertainty, some Christians step into their church; the sick steps into the neighborhood; the coffee addict steps into Starbucks while I found myself stepping to Ion. And did I bid "losing faith" hallelujah when the "adoption" of twins went through smooth and swift.

Well, certainly not identical twins but still, they are made out of the same material, same matt-shiny texture, same designers, same branding, same place of "adoption", same "guardian" and wah-lah! They almost even belong to similar $$ range.

May I present the latest adopted pair of shoes from the latest autumn-winter 2010 Dolce & Gabbana collection. Yup, it turns out these happened to be the latest most-sought after "craze" in the house of J. Can't take your eyes off. Dashing and Gorgeous indeed.

Where did "losing faith" begun with? On the south side of thy heart, a series of meaningless events seemed drained out my faith so much so that I found myself unknowingly alienating people around me. It's bad but you see I've spent time to select presents, paid on their behalf, spent time to have dinner, even reject a hard-to-come-by request to join an expensive YOG opening ceremony preview. At the end of the day, I sat at Xin Wang Cafe, ate half a plate of the black pepper chicken rice and felt nothing. Did I mention my eyes were bitter and kinda swollen from the late nights of decorating cards. Thanks to me coming with the idea of replacing normal birthday cards with poker cards with personal birthday messages instead.

I tried my best to be awake and appear interested coz I knew how weird the birthday star wold feel like another is aloof at the table. But at the end of the day, I never felt a sense of belonging.

Honestly, even friends whom I thought they were, I couldn't face the truth that I was dispensable.. like some "wipe and throw wet tissue" you know. Or..or a wine glass, that's only needed when the wine is full and discarded away when its empty. And then I feel sorry for myself. Lose a grip and find myself like this.

It's like a game of poker. You regret, turn within your stomach coz you made the wrong bet. And hence, I decided to fold my cards and leave the table for someone else to play this inevitable failure game.

I met Bax for movie. Turns out I found that we had nothing to chat. I was trying. But he wasn't replying. And that I thought, no.. this is not how I wanted people to respond. It's the same with others. Abso-fu*kin-lutely tiring. Ya, go on and say everyone has a job. But imagine taking over my job for a day and tell me whether you are capable of behaving the same as I am, if the boot fits.

*Sigh*, I confided in Qing and she said "time to find a wife".

My natural reaction was to ask "Why?"

And her reply hit me like a stuck of the bell. "You're not young anymore".

Fair enough, we have reached certain age. That means we go a step higher be it in our career (put it plainly, they just want the money), some defend their argument at better maturity (perhaps something to complement their withering appearance), a great lot looking for a partner (bliss Qing and I'm happy you located that someone to grow with so soon). I was looking at none as I wasn't certain I've stocktaken any of my current achievement. This is when I need my close friends to tell, remind me. When I lift up my head, no one's in sight.

They say in life, no man's an island. But I protest and oppose strongly against that matter. People who did are initiators, the leaders of their life. But having done so doesn't mean a lonely man who gains and reserves everything for themselves. I chose the backstage works, do everything within my means to create, spare time and face all the messiness myself. Unfairly but sacrificially, I did everything I could... just to make the slightly impossible all possible.

People, especially Max and Hendri would "preach" that I have to love myself. It drilled in my head so well like a hot symbol imprinted into my memory during all my breakups. I do, I do, I do. But I need someone to support me whenever I fall.. a phonecall, just asking would in fact do; a flatter, the Leo me likes it; an unbiased truth, I can faced it; or even nothing to talk, just a hug, a present, a pat on the shoulder. And I worked so hard, perhaps too hard, Chris once said about me.. to earn everything that's good for people to talk about that sometimes I failed to note I'm born good and perfectly the way I expected myself to be.

I made a list of good friends, the good moments we shared. It's heartbreaking when knowing touched memories ain't much for retained-dwelling but commemorated and let go as time passes. You just can't keep reality and have to let it go. "How do you fill a cup that's already full". And yesterday, I threw away two Giodano jeans (since secondary school) so I could free more space my my growing newer ones. Philosophy in practice.

It's sad realising I had to brave it all, make the hard decisions and promise myself never to look back again. Reliant or not, it's time to donate unfruitful "investment" and continue to search for what best to salvage. Like confidence and other things which would save you troubles of worrying. For now, I have my Dolce and Gabanna shoes which I termed "the Twins". Thank you for keeping me proud and smiling.

De one with Re-entree

Not quite done confessing yet

I seriously don't understand what's the big fu*king problem with being yourself. I shop, get whatever I want, live a fortunate life. Who are people to judge us?

Stop being like someone you know about everyone. Sometimes, a fool is not fooler than the one who judges the fool.

Quit evaluating, start doing. Don't regret and *snap* you're in control. Of no one but yourself.

De one with Life Crisis

Confessions

Ave Maria, it'd better not be what I think it is.. wish I won't have to admit it but hurtfully, I think "quarter-life" crisis slammed.

Wait, didn't they say menopause wouldn't hit males until late 50s or something? Or worst, could this be a yucky second episode, repeat telecast of puberty?


It's just similar to how science can't explain the supernatural, feels sh*tty everything. I can feel all sunshiny, lit myself in flames and next moment, the rain's just persistent to extinguish the rays I emit.


And the sad part, I know very well "the toughed keeps the tough going". Smile graciously and optimism might just work like how a little pinch would save you from a serial nightmare. Gave it alot of shots, it all seems futile.


Calm down and think? Relax? It's taken a toll on me. It's like a body or mind that's not mine.  :(

De one with Over and Over Again

Would you?

What kind of weird habits or personal stuff would you occupy yourself with when you are feeling sad?

*Raising thy hand* I used to hide under the pillow casing and talk to my imaginary friends when I was below ten years of age. It seemed these imaginary friends left my mind as though through an exit door when age catches up and rationalism claimed its victory over the compartments in my brain. The victorious moment took place when I turned 13.

At 13, my loneliness ventured me into a delight of hiding in the school's library and drown myself in calmness. The tranquility enhanced with air-conditioning, muffled rowdiness behind cold tempered glass doors. It was an image of "heaven" back then.

That's passed. About now, I'd put on my running sneakers and go for an evening jog, perspire it out. I guess people curse and swear. I run and sweat it off. Clears my head and shake those downers out. This would be healthier and damn, not only do you feel better, you look better. What can I say, the sense of achievement further compliment the initial thought of dispelling my negativity.

Urban legend or clinche yet true. I drink. Not to the critical stage of turning myself into an alcoholic of course. Well, one can't deny the fact that having to be concerned with a spinning headache or overnight hangover  does help keep your mind off and somewhat even make you forget part of misery. Perhaps sadness drowned itself when we become sober enough to realise how silly I was being overly-concerned and unhappy. hmm.. Perhaps the alcohol lowered our guards like an opening floodgate, thereby enabling the easiness to speak, confess and confide with others. For me, it was a moment of relaxation and letting go. Its as though time has stopped when I could finally hear myself breathe.

Pragmatism warns us time waits for no man or boy. I hate it but that's just inherent in life. Hence, it gave me a reason to board on the bus, plug on my ipod music and weep the long journey back. And I never fail to tell myself, at the destination stop, I must compose myself and chuck every single bit of gloominess at the commuter's seat.

Food is the next thing that comes inevitably. Disappointingly all the gals out there, eating to crunch sorrows never really work. It's the entire opposite of running to chase your melancholy out of your system. It's like stacking more to whatever that's on the "sad quota" when I look myself in the mirror just before or after I showered. Uackk.

But I do have a tiny confession to make, SINS chocolate proofed itself an antidote whenever I broke up. It's something rrrrreeeaaallly abnormal. Stuff I'd never do - Eat sinfully.

Well, if your advice is to eat, why not having yourself a cheesecake. That's my favourite since Initial D depict a scene of a lovesick Jay Chou stuffing himself with cheesecake as he wanted for its creator to return his call. Oh, cheesecake goes hand in hand with caramel frappachino from Starbucks. If in luck and during the rarest occasion, you might just hear me say "the caramel is sweet. the coffee is better. Bittersweet. Which is why I drink it."

It is only recent that I realised the knick for gifts "embezzles" or "liquidates" the "woe account" in my central heart. Satisfaction from the best derives joy from the joy-deprived. Be beware when Jason shops, 1 sales assistance is not enough. You better have what I want, how I want you to ask friendlily, assist earnestly, smile glamorously and (most desirably) walk me to the door chauffeuring my shopping bags.  

Ultimately, nothing beats having a concerned soul call in just to check on me. You can have dispute with your partner, ugly experience with client, quarrels with friends, sucky day with work and all it takes is a phrase from the unexpected to light a spark to eradicate or wipe off those negativity infesting your heart like a droplet of black ink in a fishbowl of water, and bloom delights to keep you smiling when you turn in for the night.

Thank you.

De one with Misses

Muses in my head

As I steal some time to doze and peeked an episode of SNTC, didn't take long before missing thoughts bloomed in my mind.

What a heaven of things I miss. Aww.. the starbucks coffee, sweet and bitterness, a book, drizzle coolness.

Lazy afternoons, drawing, quiet lethargic moments.

Man, I missed so much.

De one with Prada Trauma

Case impossible #1

Crime scene     :  Prada Ion, #02-15, Cashier
Time of crime   :  7 - 8ish pm
Victim              :  Myself
Accomplice     :  Ms J.S Kwek

Witnesses        :  Female assistance, insignificant customers, $250 bear keychain

Headlines: THE IMPOSSIBLE ON MR IMPOSSIBLE


It occurs when you least expected. Correction, the victim in this instance. None of my belongings above $1K were ever paid on behalf by my exes, friends, dates, colleagues, f*** buddies, shopping buddies, Mohan. "Abso-fuc*kin-lutely" certain to my shopping history. Speaking of history, yes, indeed literally, this shopping phenomenon wrote off my past purchase into the history book. I had no choice but to have Ms Kwek paid on my behalf for my purchase.

Of course, I reimbursed her after much-efforted hunt for AXS from Ion down to PS.. in three installment. All thanks to my credit card which refusingly decline the credit which only exceeded by a mere $100, my Mastercard being suspected of fraud transaction, landing itself into "replacement in transit" status and my scatterbrain-iness on paying with NETs. Sigh.

Swore to all, never had I landed myself in such an embarrassing moment. Well, everyone could emphasize and comfort me to "Let it go! You paid eventually! It's good as you bought it" Yet proud to say, I've never let others paid for something I want to buy. But that's peanuts. The root of the problem is, Jason was helplessly in an "out of wits" position, particularly when I was at payment stage.

If there was a hole I could dig out of the Prada store carpet, I would. It completely ruined my subsequent shopping trip. Ask the accomplice, never get anything after trauma at Prada. I even detour to avoid going to my hotspot Tiffany. What an unforgettable drama. Now that I mentioned it, I can feel my goosebumps and hair "mari kita"-ing. OmG.

De one with Wishing for Age

Wish upon a star

Is it a lame or brave thing to be voicing out what you have always hoped for for your birthday?

Well, in office, your colleagues might have joked about it before. Sighing as they leave their remarks like "You know, why not tell us what you want for your birthday to make our present hunting (life) easier?". Greedy people or a less-offensive term would be "honest" people would feel obliged to tell. For all you know, they testify with their "consideration of not having" to waste people's money buying something that is the opposite of what they want. By at large, we choose not neither to sound-off or kiss and tell. While about 3% seriously meant it when they say: "No, I don't really need presents" and a scarce 2% would say "I've everything I need", probably 95% responses to such discretion on what we want on our birthdays might converge into the need for "surprise".

I was thinking since we are in the 21st century, why not be more vocal and spit out this tiny-greed for a perfect birthday gift. Come on, let you have the honor..

Without much thought, a popular guy might just reveal he's happy to have company. Well, this is pretty common during the celebrated 18th and 21st birthdays when peers and family organises big parties with all sorts of funny numberically shaped cakes, the youths will throw in cartons of booze and all night-long of excited screaming, hell lot of laughter and silly pranks.

A girl might be dreaming for a childhood dream come true. Imagine a cartoon stripe with this little girl, clasping both her hands tightly, eyes shut with cloud-bubbles appearing above her head. The stripe zooms into these cloud-bubbles which magically reveal a dreamy scene of either something from Tiffany, a handsome guy proposing, a tiara and god knows what.

A pauper yearning for survival as much as how the girl who sold matchsticks. They yearn for love, warmth, relationship, football, ambition-achievement and most crucially, a way to make quick cash and other means of freeing out of their existing miserable life.

Without the benefit of doubt, out of 10 persons, 8 might wish for tangible things. Which relates similar to what I might have in mind for perfect gift on my forthcoming quarter-century birthday.

No scums, no special someone, no colognes, no man's jewellery, no leather bags, no Ang-baos. I've always wanted a belt from Dolce and Gabbana's until last month when I finally picked up the courage and stride into the store at Taipei 101 alone. What else... (*finger to chin*)

I just really wish a large black sketchbook with photos, crappy writings, drawings of different stuff, things I love, things that people hate, love about me. Honest things about who I am through others' perspective. I don't know... maybe in the style of year book cause I realised I've been doing so much drawings, decorated stuff for others and never been given one before. Haha.

What other things people never really gotten for me? I don't know, a pair of drawn shoes? Shoes? Dolce belt (it's still on the "A" list)? A gorgeous photo of myself nicely framed? Oh well... birthday gifts are a killer to most. Especially for someone who's individualistic and attains everything he needs, wants and wishes for (eventually).

Oops, looks like I might have to change the opening tag. It looks like a galaxy had been wished upon!

De one with Advice

Quote to a new-found friend

Quarrels are like melted glue. When it cools, it patches your relationship back together firmly.

De one with Grea-dual-(fric)tion Trip

Summer, warm and fussy

"For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring." - Benvolio, Romeo and Juliet, Act III Scene I

Indeed Taiwan did touch my heart in two ways:

First and foremost, the country touché moi de sense of sight with the magnificent mountain-view at  九份, the "Abraham Lincoln" lookalike Chiang Kai-shek and Sun Yat-Sen colossal statues, a glimpse of the nature-made queens head rock at 野柳;

... Smell of fade smelly dou fu along 西門町, of sulphuric air from hot springs within 北投, of rich-burning joysticks within 龍山寺;

... Hearing the sounds of moving 臺北火車, welcoming greetings at shops in 五分埔; Hokkien-chinese accent of the locals when they reply to our road-direction inquiries;

... Taste of steaming hot chicken cutlet at 師大路夜市, 士林夜市, the juicy 小笼包 from 鼎泰丰 restaurant, monstrously sweet ice dessert, tear-wading spicy steamboat at 飞天麻辣火锅; salt water at the benches of 墾丁;


... Feel the strong winds while crossing to lovers' bridge at 漁人碼頭; what it's like being a child again at the miniature museum and taiwan storyland; the discovery of shops at Taipei 101 and 新光三越.

On the flip side of the Taipi 50 dollar coin, I realised the disintegrating seven year bond between the then and now "Tribal gang". Perhaps before I ratter on, here's an disclaimer footnote: Applicable for those who went on this "graduation trip". 

It turned out gender indifference does create friction amongst a group of friends. Indifference issues in particular relate to the way both genders think or thought. Once, a friend feedback his penny of thought that the softer (not weaker) gender prefers to conceal her thoughts, decisions. Ideally, she prefers to tag along and have the opposite gender to initiate and continuously, as a matter of fact, until he gets it right, ie the way she wants it to be. Interestingly, certain magazine columns and casual emails propagandising the "ugly truth" about the the +O and <-O support likewise coincidentally or equivalent. Amused and true, I observed the likeliest in an unlikeliest place - Taipei.


Of course, to be subjective, gender indifference couldn't be fully taken to blame. Perhaps communication could be another reason. A module I took taught us one of the fundamentals of effective communication includes a clear sender, desirable medium and a receiver who not only able to receive and comprehend the information from the sender but also, ability to feedback to the sender. Like in relationship or business transaction, without offers and replies, nothing ever gets commuted! Now combine gender characteristics and this barrier of unwillingness or what everyone thought was unnecessary to inquire or clarify, the team turned into lost sheeps despite having guidance from a pretty well-drawn up itinerary. Why?! Probably want to associate this with a little peek into psychology (not that I really studied or research) but economist quotes "human tend to conceal their wants until there's a market with suits his wants". No news means good news. No probing, everything's good.


Apart from the above, could it be the fault of our flight delay? Apparently, GK complained to me at the departure waiting hall perhaps it was due to the flight delay at the beginning which inevitably scrapped the first day's plan of activities. That resulted in our loss of direction as to where to go, what activities to execute and when. Force majure, there's a chance weather should be taken to stand. It reshuffled some of the itinerary.

At the end of the day, while Js, C and LW waged their thrashing out just before we board our flight home, I still couldn't figure out which of the above was the grande reason for the flopped trip. Even so, what it really that flopped given we never intended anything or objectives to attain for this trip.


May I present the minutes of "thrashing session":
Venue: Da Shun Hotel, Room 603.
Time: 12+pm, night of the unhappy incident at Ken-ding
Matters discussed:
1) C voiced about us doing things together, walk together and be merry. 
2) Js was dissatisfied we shunned the girls and walked away without telling anyone. Nobody was ever decisive on what to do.
3) LW being economical, didn't understand why we spend and do something majority didn't want to participate.


Regards to (1), I was doubtful and cynical, frankly speaking. They wanted shopping but we do not shop for the same things at the same store. How to do things and walk together. And at certain places when certain people are overwhelmed with the affordable buys, a completely different plan was presented with a tag which says "for practical reasons". *shrugs and shakes my head*


(2), I just don't get it. Sometimes, we tend to become insecure. No news means bad news instead of taking it literally that it means good news. The itinerary was done, we did a meeting to amend and perfect it a few nights earlier and it was specifically mentioned in the email that feedback are welcome (not compulsory). Ends up, we didn't abide by the itinerary. Flexibility was presented as an option to maneuver the unexpected change of events but it seemed unaccepted. Why does collectivism be practiced when it doesn't really work?

(3) economic is logical. But argument sustained. Indeed there's nothing wrong with spending so much traveling to the beach and doing different activities. While LW was fuming over the uncollected group activities, I was rather disappointed with lack of fun, hotties to admire and be admired, ineffective transport and last minute "play out". When you are under the impression of something and it falls short of what you expect or there's something we are unaware or not-informed, we tend to feel betrayed, unprepared. This feeling suck. 


Nonetheless, at the end of it, does the iron-ing out really matter? The left side of my brain exercises its logical thinking which set me thinking "how constructive it is, or what objectives can be achieved from a second thrashing out, so what if we "leave everything in Taipei", does it really mean bygones be bygones when we come back to Singapore and erased anything, everything that ever happened? If so, shouldn't this actualisation actually be effected and us being spared of any debacle thrash-out argument over a night's sleep?


Despite no grudges held, I can't deny the eventful trip made me realise. These realisations shot me and left quite a few bullet-scars in my memory. It made me reassess whether I have any life-long friends. Normally I'd only complain but I lost my temper. It forced me into doing stuff I dislike, for example smoking and to reconsider whether my bestest friend was indeed who I perceived he or she to be. My beliefs about everything, everyone were shook.


I knew everyone would fine it boring to tag along my shopping spree at places where I'd really be joyous and free. LW commented "Nobody is able to shop where you shop at!". So I took where opportunities present itselves to travel alone despite my fear of getting lost because I didn't know how to read the mandarin, it costs heavily to use my GPRS, overseas Wifi and sucks at pronouncing the places where I wanted to be. 


I didn't like crowded places, it's just too depressing and suffocating. Particularly at Wu Fen Pu and night markets where there's nothing I could buy whether it's size availability, quality, style or design. It's like Bugis village here. I'm the mismatch. And I hate it totally when you spot something you could afford but couldn't buy. Didn't confess until now, bear for two days, couldn't take it. That's why I decided, no, I have the right to get something that derives me satisfaction.
 
As much as I swore never to go to Taipei again, what breaks me heart was knowing our friendships weren't placed on solid grounds. Which was probably the root for friction to occur. Countless times I begun to feel even emptier the lack of sense of belonging. The fear of holding on to a rope which is thinning as it threads out the harder you pull or it brittle when it's left untouched. Who is there to believe in, huh..

De one with Do's, Maybe's and Don'ts.

Traffic lights

Do's:
Be confident, determined and hopeful in life. Everytime I look at the gold, silver and rosey bronze, I feel happy there's love, loyalty and friends to "lean" yourself on when you are down, "life" your good moods further up when and "live" a blissful life.

Do what your heart or gut tells you to.

Maybe's:
Not over-exploit your fate, luck and friendship. Avoid being too accommodate too much, bend over backwards. Sometimes it's better to wait then indulge yourself in a "grab and go" situation.

Don'ts:
Feel the world's at odds with you. Never be too sensitive or indecisive.

De one with Alot to Be

Wish list

Bet alot of times we wish we could better accomplish our desires. Be it a penny more to get the big bear from the coin-slot machine, a carat more to our engagement ring, a point more to get an A+, an advancement in career to a chance to be glamored on television. Truth is, only a one in a million is bliss with such miracle. Once at a time.

I wouldn't say "pray with me". Hope by all means, it's free. But I'd say, keep the dream alive nonetheless. It's only a matter of time.   :)

De one with Resentment (Part 2)

Same day

Just before I tipped on my Achilles heel, Apollo, Hermes and Aries paid me a dream-visit some nights ago. No words did they utter from their marble lips. Yet alluring smiles across their chiseled faces and firm pats on thy shoulders. As though they knew where my destiny was paved, and towards which I advanced. The lion in me awoke from sleep and fend the bull out of the bears situation.


"Please, frown not my boy", Aslan the lion groaned tenderly. "For the future is long but destined is same. Travel the less trampled roads and gather the fruits along-stray. Fear not, for it is how you stride upon. Not what."

I couldn't help but be amazed what movies can teach us sometimes. A dear one enveloped my downs and sealed it with a kiss. Air flown it to god-knows-where. It was that moment a light-match strike ablaze. To undergo rebirth, the phoenix has to be consumed by its flames (Mayday lyrics, 2007).

This indecisiveness and over-sensitivity have to stop. Stop worry. Rid procrastinating. And be brutally smart about things. Maintaining calm-mindedness is crucial. Don't flop. When things don't work my way, circumvent or pick an alternative without rushing into it. Just employ the same tactic when acquiring things, anything. Hesitate and you lose perseverance.

It becomes clear to what I need to do. Beware, J's bringing back the confidence, determination and onward fascination.

De one with Resentment (Part 1)

Match lighting

Sit down on your couch, give the television before your eyes a rest and let your relaxing mind have nothing to think of but yourself. This, many might either criticise me for my lack of sanity or sluggerness but...  do reconsider this option. Well, I did despite coughing and being slight-sneezy.

Although not extraordinary, it's always good to let your mind have a hibernation hiatus. Taking grace of a windy weekend. No, not asking you to stone. Rather, freed your mind from control, suffocating deadlines and other sorts of problems which cause nothing but premature ageing. Let it decides on what it present and mine, for once told me to evaluate what have I done in recent past few weeks.

JH, H and others who are concerned asked me similar question since the come of May. To be honest, without thinking, I fend them off with a general "I'm busy with work" reply without further justification or detailed complaints as to why. Attempted to face and address it through some heart-to-heart talk with someone else. Unfortunately, it turns out we end up discussing anything but the core issues instead. Lemme kiss and tell. Core issues? To be more specifically: my dilemma, restlessness and resentment.

Arh, "resentment" is the blinking word. Work has been shortlisted as the core ingredient for manifestation of the unpleasantness. Before you cook up all 1001 typical reasons, let me confess my equitable passion for the nature of my job scope. It's a profession and the "classic" feeling it derives, feeding my confidence. Sadly, little did I realise this gradual dissatisfaction lurking as the workload and time grew alongside. Unknowingly, my work productivity and progress into current assignments seemed to have underwent the "bears" period (downward condition in financial market terminology). I used to love sighing and complaining which never cease to help. I'm afraid this time, the grey clouds just wouldn't dissipate.

To let the cat out of the bag, *meow* it seems I'm failing. Oh boy, I am not graduating this semester all because an 8 marks short to passing for AFA. The worst is, I never shed a tear. Maybe split second of disappointment but it didn't wait long before I announced and admitted to all who asked I had not put in the necessary effort. What I didn't tell, it was actually the RT sessions, continuous wave of reports, decision-making sessions, presentation and single-handed audit jobs to up the ante which made it almost impossible to focus or the least apportion my time to committing to this.. unpleasant module which requires tonnes and awful lot of revision and practice. Consolidation, that is it! And I hate it. You see normally, I excel or perform better than expected at things of such, it just didn't come through this time. Personally, it's something which I have to decipher and eloquently familiarise myself with or comprehend, in order to do well or pass.

Beneath that poker-face, M and W commented, I swear to god, I felt like a failure. Having lost control between work and studies and even social life for goodness' sake. Social life. Hah. Alot of times people did asked me out. But I just withdraw or get down with petty illness like running nose, cough. My stubbornness to  consult the doctor came at the expense of faster recovery and effective medication.


Jeez... alot of times, there seemed to be no choice to fall back at. Burnt at both ends if you know what I mean. (to be continued)

De one with Wipe and Sparkles

Slash of the shimmering

Indeed a day to be enlightened!
Alas! Na.am (Yes in Arabic)!

Was washing my hand after relieving myself in the middle of the movie that I cast away all my doubts. Doubts pertaining to my decisions. Decisions concerning the things I purchase, words to say, gestures in behavior, choices to commit. Like life, just when I though the 12 diamonds on the Atlas ring had lost its shine, it twinkled as its facets captured the spotlight during hand-washing. That moment as though an angel had breathe life to a withered flower and it was all magic all over again.

Sidetrack for awhile. Went to watch Sex and the City 2. Generally it wasn't a matchset when compared to its first, this I agree. Perhaps there weren't much glamor. Production funds to doll up the ladies in high fashion, cosmetics and labels seemed to have been allocated to their film site at Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. Highly probable to have cost a dynamite. The movie didn't end with marriage. Instead, it kick-start when gay marriage. What an appetizer to test how much you could appetite the openness of film. Less nudity, less joke but kinda easier to predict where the storyline was going towards.

It's about the same set of problems most women faced. It's all those issues after the look for love, after marriage. About being faithful, committed, sustaining passion, defending what's yours, a little pinch of suppressing your desires. Boy, there was this braless Nanny.. My my.. it's a mouth watering scene for all guys I guessed.

And one more thing I realised, people have seemed to stereotype goodlooking people who ain't married, as homosexuals. *rolls my eye* I wondered why.. What if people just haven't met the right one or they savor freedom of remaining single.

Realisation #3, I enjoy talking to people. And I got feedbacks strangers enjoy talking to me. And who says I'm not gregarious or charismatic enough? *Jason raises his hand*.

Final actualisation, I ain't as uncared for or unloved as I condemned myself to be. My family and certain friends adore me more than anybody in the world. Was blind to the fortunate sparkles around me. I have work experience (typed my CV yesterday), pretty things. More than never, I got most of all that I wanted. Self condemnation -- Wiped and gleam! 

De one with Vital Moment

Hard decisions

Got a demoralising news. Looks like I might not graduate in time with the rest. However, certain opportunities are around the bend. Should I wait till it's time or seize the prospective decisions before me?

*fingers tapping*

De one with The Ugly Duckling Story

Bedtime stories

The beginnings are ever alluring. Just like how I awoke fresh and reluctantly, like a baby duckling coming out of the hatched egg, to get dressed and head to work.

It seemed as though I'm a dart board after all these days I've been away from office. Everything doesn't seemed to go right. When there's anything wrong, I''m to be blamed or ought to take responsibility for. Not trying to be a disgruntled employee but it's never been more obvious. During my entire 14 hours at office, it literally feels like an ugly duckling which is picked on. Not only is he demoralised with his shabby looks, under-developed intelligence, there's muddy swamps everywhere. Yuck yuck yuck yuck.

It wasn't until the ugly duckling left for home. A place where it could wash itself and transformed into a Swan as he relaxes. Only did he realise beneath all the ugliness and unhappiness, there are beautiful things to compensate for the unfortunate events. My ah-ma made me this nostalgic traditional plum-anade. Super dupper delicious and smoothing to the throat. The moment I arrived home, I saw curry puff.. yum yum, my favourite.

If only there was a "Christmas in a cup"..awww~

De one with Life's a Bed of Rose

Relax, recuperate and rejuvenate

Any idea how would you plan your activities for a long term should you have the fortune of affording a temporal mid-life retirement? Don't get me wrong. It's not retirement for perpetual or holiday vacation. The term in discussion refers to a short term, you know, one or two months. Scratching your chin or temple? Lemme give you some time to think about it. In the meantime, here's how I'd love my "mid-life" retirement be scheduled... hehe...

I'd wake up as long as my body clock awakes. Or have a dog, licking my fingers. Aww.. it'd definitely melt my heart to wake up to a sunny, windy morning. At least, no sounds of traffic, depressing crowd to the busstops or panic over being unable to get a cab to be in time at work.

Wake up with freshly brewed tea in fine china or my all time favourite mug, read some newspapers, magazines Well, himbo's dumb enough. It's prudent habit to cultivate the brain from moulding. Just imagine.. not blonde, can't afford to get dumb. 

I'd got for a jog on alternate days. Followed by swimming and suntanning in the afternoon sun. When it's raining, I'll most likely stay home, watch home videos or plug on my ipod and cycle or do weights at home. After swim, I could have late lunch with friends, my god-brother, go ikea to shop for awhile. It's optimum to shop in the afternoon. You do not get a rushed feeling that the day is ending and there ain't much crowd or clatter from all the people who just never stop rumble and ratter over what happened at work or on their journey today.

On days when I do not exercise, I'd most likely draw to my heart's content. Creativity's at its peak during early hours. I could go to the park, lay myself on a carpet-grass patch, listen to the (toilet-trained) birds with the dome of ceiling-less, clear blue skies above. Puurrrfect!

Late afternoons I could go for facial. Or stay home to stone and realise how untidy my room is. Am certain it wouldn't be long before I start packing and revamping the layout of my room. At times, I might just polish my crystal babies, tiffanys and bags. Other time, it'd be adoring to have some private moment, reading a book with Starbucks coffee or napping.

Come evening time is the prime time to walk the dog. Or fly a kite should there be winds. I recall sitting at the stairs at the end of the overhead bridge leading to the park. Clouds of various, manipulative shapes, flushed orange and gold as the settling sun flare its glory. Or perhaps trailing by the river, feeding fishes or throwing pebbles would be nice.

The night is often covered with a blanket of stars as the crickets hold their outdoor concert. Dinner and movie dates would be magical. Especially when you've had a rested daytime. Attributing reasons are simple. You look and feel best despite the curtains closing for the day. Cast away worries for repeat of the vicious cycle of work, school or Ns training. Only sweet dreams awaits and a brand new tomorrow to accomplish whatever you have not done today or the day before.

It's a fairytale to have someone sitting by yourself, in front of a fireplace or heater during the monsoon period. Both of us drinking hot chocolate, strawberries and cuddling warmth under a quilt. Man.. it's unbelievably awesome to have times like this. Not forever but frequent. Let's not be too greedy la, hah..

De one with May in a Blink

Unwant-ed

Seriously, ask yourself what you have done or achieve for this month. Thus far, I am guilty to say my achievement list haven't been long. To make it worse, it was uneventful.

Regretful thoughts of quitting is in the air. My colleague got accepted into one of the big 4. For me? I'm sitting on the fence. What's in front of me seemed vivid and misty. It's tough to move on without assurance that I made the mark to graduate. In the meantime, I fear the tendency to fall backwards, which means school day's are not over and graduation seemed a couple of months away. This uncertainty is displeasing.

Well, as much as my expectations of less-loaded-with-work month, it only stretched as far as the first week and things fell back where they were last month. It's big job. No clear timeline for me to plan my work. Everyone's directing here and there. I detest all these ambiguity and top of all, the inevitable helplessness.

This explains why I've been unhappy. Sent texts in search of comfort and got nasty comments. Gee.. give me a break nasty people. I didn't text so I could be reminded to be apologetic. Shared with I and F, no matter how towering-ly confident, high-esteemed and sunshiny about yourself (who I am, how I behave, equipped), discerning words never fail to get to you.

Since all above failed, this poor boy zipped his mouth and resolved on other agendas:
1st agenda: Catching up with a few friends
2nd agenda: Bought delightful things, Jay Chou album
3rd agenda: Stay home and spend time with family
4th agenda: Embark on constructive activities like running, improving vocabulary and learning to rest


Breathe, keep going and recharge. That's my life philosophy for this month. Some life huh..

De one with a Day with Conjunctivitis

On medical leave

Woke up yesterday with my left eye red. Conjunctivitis. Have no slightest idea how it happened. Ah-ma kept telling me to take the day off work and see the doc. After contemplating for a few minutes, I decided work at client's place is too much to miss and headed off to work with eyes of red and white.

Visited the doctor since the eye didn't heal and the itch is just too bothersome. She gave me eye-drop and medical leave. I kinda enjoyed the day. A day without work. When it got better, I went down town just to collect Jay Chou's tenth album.

"跨時代" came with a souvenir: An album with collar pins of the past nine albums. Under each are the dates on which the albums were released. It comes in cup-board or metal. Thanks to being simple for the week, I choose the cup-board which was obviously a wrong choice. After some thought, it's fine. I had one thing less to find a space for. 

The songs are more or less about the same style. Jay Chou did it his way. I wouldn't proclaim myself to be a big fan but a considerably loyal one given I supported all his album and vied for his concert tickets though unsuccessful. 10th album. Way to go Jay! And thanks, you music accompanied me through the past few years and never did it fail to cheer me up.

De one with Down-sides of Homosapiens

Untrusting

"Whatever happened to please-may I? Or yes, thank you? ..Or how charming?" - Velma Kelly, Chicago (1926).

Recent incidents have drenched me with dismay. It only takes one or two to shred your wonderful day from a hundred favourable things.

The Cab Crook-driver

I got conned! Too late to confront on the spot so I lodged an online complaint the moment I got home.

The incident happened on Sunday night. It was past 10, late and I decided for a fast journey home since there was gonna be work tomorrow. I needed to grab some snack from the kiosk. So I had the cab stopped alongside the road and handled $52 to foot the $11 fare. Only after he changed me $1 did he confess he didn't have change for the $50 note. It didn't take more than 4 seconds he came up with the suggestion to charge the fare using NETS. Fine, I returned the coin together with my debit card, in consent to his suggestion. I placed the $2 note on the center-driver's armrest. I took the note and took over the NETS machine to key in my pin to proceed with payment. After that, I collected my loose items (wallet, Nexus phone, documents and keys) in the poor litten environment (he didn't bother to turn on the cab light). During this moment, there was a subconscious doubtful soul which keep telling me something's amiss. I inquired the driver whether he did return me my $50 note. "Yes" he replied in a "ya ya, I did, just get outta my cab" intonation.

Not very nice to risk the cabby's time, so I alighted promptly. Stepped out of the vehicle with a heavy heart, I forced hard on my memory, trying to recall whatever happened over and over again like fixing a 10 piece puzzle within 1 minute. I rechecked my wallet! Alas! There should be two $50 notes, now there's only one! - Treachery.

Sigh, how come this kinda crook still exist? Cheat the young's money through a intended lie.


Spiky Despise hair +Airy salesman

To salvage the lamentable news for the month: A star chipped off my Swarovski Kris bear. Thanks to my aunt's deed to clean lor. So i carried the ornament of heartache to Orchard only to be informed by a friendly lady that repairs can be done at 4 collections points. She was kind enough to give me a card with the 4 collection branches with addressed imprinted and even suggest the nearest was Raffles City Shopping Centre.

With godspeed, I proceeded to Raffles City. The displeasing incident unfolds.

This chub was at the counter, opened up the blue box with a "man, just wanna get this over and done with" attitude. Definitely far from how the lady unpack when I got the crystal. He inspected the warranty booklet three times, each lasting for at least 2 minutes. Once when he first opened the box. Once before he took the piece out. And again after he put the piece back. It wasn't until the third time when my patience ran out that I clarified if there was something wrong with the warranty. And he said, he had trouble making up the date. Please la, you could have ask, There's only two date and it's hand-written bigger in size than the front size of what you read. His behaviour spoke of his doubt over my integrity. I swear to God, Jesus, Allah, Zeus, Achamán it was.

The way he advise. No, not advising. Sarcastic about separating the detached piece from the main crystal. Sigh. He mentioned "next time". The other Jason thought, "yeah right, there's not gonna be a next time. Definitely not with you".

The second wave of sarcasm came with the my filling of particular. My handwriting. "If your contact number is not clear, how are we going to contact you". Please la, say it in a better manner.

The three rings he worn, a metallic (filled with scratches) and two other  "honestly ring" with plain crystals (not diamonds) and you speak to me in an airy manner. Totally not goodlooking at all. You are still a salesperson behind a counter providing service assistance. What the... 

A piece of white paper will never be perfect with a black marker dot on it. I'm an easy-going customer. Ask James and others the limits of my tolerance threshold. This coming from me.. ain't sound fine.

Rude and cunning people. What is the world coming to.. Jeez!  :(

De one with Quad-Centennial Edition

With dexterity

Inaugural to celebrating 400 blogs of complaints, joyful news, depressing written ordeals and sweet-smelling nostalgic stories, I dedicate this slightly-off 403 entry to my dearest friends, supportive readers and forthcoming stalkers, passing web-browsers or even spot-checkers. Lol.

A few months ago, I conducted a brief survey. This involved friends and acquaintances to text a single word which they felt best in describing me. You could call it "evaluation". I call it "research materials" and reliable sources ain't more appropriate than people whom I've dealt or met before. Then again, just to clarify further, the most important bottom-line is to be receptive and present words from others meant more valuable than casual, self-composed entries.

Without further ado, *clasps both hands together*, let's have our appetizers serve, shall we?

*Opens the dish cover, clouds of mist unfurls out beneath* the glitter word appears as the mist dissipates: "Vain pot". Yes, this was the golden word which bestowed by you-know-who. *palms out* Indeed I can't deny. Look at my toiletries, how I choose my clothes, accessories and you'll know how true that word reflect. Obviously it ain't a positive description. Well, everybody deserves to be vain, to bring out the "better" appearance in us. But of course, without going overboard or superficially pretentious.

"Sweet" appears second on the list. Your votes. Not mine arh. Personally, there's really nothing distinctively sweet about me. Basically, I do things willingly or genuinely for people whom I care about.  Honestly, given my limited capacity, unaccomplished gift of speech, or body size, there's nothing I can do to protect or do miraculous works to patch broken hearts (although I have a NUM Tee which says so.. ok kidding), or even cheer you up like some psychiatric-guru when you're down. "Do things within your means" (Mummy, 1995) and abidingly, I did, without intentions to please.. just want you to be gay (ie happy).

Others perceive this as "accommodating", some stereo-typed me"bending-over-backwards" and trying hard to impress. While I do admit investing my best at times, I'd beg to differ from the dreadful "I" word. Cause is simple. I never do. Those whom I've worked with or seen my work comment in unison of me being "perfectionist". Philosophically, I trust if you never try, how would you know. Even if you did try, give it your best shot. So you wouldn't have any excuse for regret. What do you think, guys with the "I" impression?

"Quiet" and "shy" are next on the feedback list. Hmm.. we've come a long way. Till today, first impressions never fail to pick this affinity between me and being quiet or shy because I have a mouthful of gold or avoid eye contact. Being shy I do admit la.. but improving. As for eye contacts, I'd stick to the same: Unless it's something important, you wouldn't have me looking into your eyes. They say eyes are windows to the soul. I have nothing to hide. Perhaps.. just don't wish having people getting infatuated. Haha. Come on! Know me better and you can be a jury yourself to derive a verdict if "quiet" is representative of my personality. Hah.

"Naive" came from my manager and dear Max. Sometimes, it is tagged along with "stubborn". Naive doesn't mean immature here. Rather it relates to how I view the world. "人 之 初, 性 本 善" - 三字經. I trust and adopts less sophisticated way of viewing people despite knowing how complex human nature can be. Why immerse ourselves into over-skeptical or sophisticate-mindedness when socialising with others. Just be plain, be simple and behave how you'd like others behave with you.

Others say I'm "cute". Yes, go on, put your indexes near your uvulas, roll your eyes like roulette at casinos, or start reciting "definition of "cute" = ugly but adorable" if you decide to. Oh by the way, I don't think any dictionary defines cute as ugly but adorable. Continue using this and I'd most probably be the 2nd after Dr Hughes to discover a mistaken in whichever dictionary from which you derive that error from! It's my face. I can't help it. Haha. Come on, don't be discouraged. I'd say, if I can be, so can you!

Some say Jason's "talented".. because I can draw. "Gullible" (some would feedback) and "talented", both are like two big puzzles which can't seemed to fit ley.

"Impulsive".. that's the uprising category which more people are seeing. Others have associated it with me being "impatient" because when I want it, I get it and get it quick. Who or rather, what to be blamed to have cultivated this "fast and furious" force in me? Two culprits: Music and audit. In music, timing has to be precise. Each and every note has a time of its own so that it fits and pieces to form harmony. Of all, I love accelerating tempo which derives an exhilaration within the heart-racing beats and fluid-running notes. Audit. It's a race with time, stuffing all that you can do within a time-frame. Don't bother giving me what is not require. Get the objectives right and get it done and over with. Like "staccatos" within the rhythm of life.

F defines me with "energetic". Hmm.. am I? As much as I try to be jovial and bursting with life, I think this essence of youth seemed to have landed itself into "endangered status" with my current job situation. We get tired so easily. Oh boy.. time to do something about it.

Saved the best for the last. A friend H, texted me this: "You're like Swarovski crystal - Cold and hard on the appearance yet transparent to see". What does it mean? I shall let this be an open-ending...

Words paint an image just fine. Pleasant ones are like primary and bright colors. Objectionable ones are like shades of dark and grey. I hereby give thanks to all who have contributed to this blog. May it root delights in the hearts from which these fantastic descriptive words grew from hours, days, months or even years of interaction with thee. 

De one with Criminal 402

Don't doubt

Went to Barrossa at the Esplanade on Friday. I am sure I ain't an alcoholic. *index finger's up*

I only had classy champagne, sizzling tequila, playful cocktail and tingling daiquiri.

Criminal 402 was called to court. "I didn't do it. I'm not guilty. Believe me, I'm not guilty", pleaded the young chap, trying so hard to convince until his eyes were red and brimmed with moist.

And the judge said if you didn't, raise your arms for inspections of the pockets of your coat. And the young chap did obligingly.

The jury gasped in harmony. Little did the accused know he was on trial for thief from the roti prata seller instead of murder. Both of his palms glistered with oil.

  

De one with Wealth

Painful

The measure of personal wealth isn't the number of bottles of fine red wine in your cellar, carats of diamond rings, bottles of colognes, figurines from Swarovski, certificates, collectibles, piggy-banks of coins. No, not all these. What are those I define my personal wealth to be then?

To be honest, this is an never-ending, contentious issue. Invadingly-expanding insurance, now re-branding (or "upgraded") to personal financial planners and those good-old, commission-maximising bankers would give the most practical answers: bonds, equity and any financial instruments are the most relevant benchmarks of wealth. As Alex Spanos says "Cash is King".

Hearts-inviting counselors, teeth-gleaming medical-practitioners, retiring sportsmen and even my "ah-ma" would give their pennies worth advice: Wealth is Health. Be it physical, psychiatric or psychological form.

Moving on to subcategories of the above financial and non-financial aspects, attention-captivating advertisements or salespersons with faces tortured by thick layers of powder and concealers would promote and pursue slogans to sell : Status, "worth for money". In other words, come be a slave to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Alleviate yourself to levels of "Belonging" (man, this is so high-school) and "Esteem"! 

Certain plots of the most-vicious Hongkong drama presents another lucid perspective: Family love is another parcel of wealth. Some, not all though, purport "faith" as a measure of wealth, spiritually.

Tsk tsk tsk.. just defining the measure wealth is a dizzy-headache. Since we are at it, lemme share my point of view. Hehe. Chin Yu introduced me to a book about "Millionnaire next door". I recall I mentioned it before in my previous blog. Anyway, till today, the principles related to wealth are as follows:

To be wealthy, you need to:
1) Save
2) Make sound investment
3) Be nourished and lifelong learning

Moving on, why need to save? Imagine a pipe with both ends open. input colored liquid through one end. Without having to elaborate further, it flows out the other end. Nothing retains. Nothing accumulated.

To save ain't enough. "Lending", not "saving" your money with banks at a pathetic low interest rate. Jeez.. we are loaning our money and guess what? the banks gets to set the interest rates payable! Let's not diverge, shall we? Make sound investment. Don't just accumulate plainly, accumulate cumulatively!

Investment does not only entail becoming a shareholder. To me, setting up your own business is important. . Online banner might flash "Set up your own company with just $1!!" Well, easier said than done, nothing comes without a price tag, subsequent sustaining costs to keep your business going. Like icing the wedding cake, ingredients and equipment (capital) are inadequate for task accomplishment. You need skills (management of own manpower, finances, customer-relationship) to achieve success. If you ask me, I'd would if I have the right opportunity to seize, right associates to team up with and right amount of consideration to gamble. Haha.

I do agree with money is the medium of trade and exchange. Or figures so to speak. The only and quantifiable medium. Hence, the commonly adopted measure of wealth around the world. This is where I believe, "priceless" derives a meaning.

Increasing focus have been dedicated to other prospects of wealth. This is where continuously upgrading, learning and experience comes in. It's beyond life-long learning and attaining academic knowledge. I feel, the challenge comes from adapting to your environment, capitalise yourself.. most importantly, achieving the equilibrium of life without damaging your wealth unnecessarily. You can't agree more, its tough.

The clear definition of wealth is not what I hold on personal grounds, the majority's stereotyping or edict-ed by dictionaries. Of all the things religious people said, one of the few I hold dear "It's in your heart". If you feel strongly about it, more than never, it is right.

De one with Couldn't Help Pondering

Finger to lips

Being so drained from work and stoning in front of the computer. It never fail to make me wonder what's the cause of all these strange behavior. Am I getting old and physically tired? Or have I overworked myself that the body and mind are both at loss, having slowed down momentarily after more than 19 hours of work?

Jeez... couldn't help pondering whether I need a break.

De one with Art-X-perience

Splendid

Finally, these few week ends have been a relief. Not completely though, but I managed all that I could get. The frequency of my morning jogs decreased due to the common late nights the day before. Ya, it's miserable. Work-rush after tormenting weeks of projects. So, I've been taking things for a change.

Where possible there's a weekday when I'll complete my work and leave office at 5:30pm sharp. Head home in a bus and go for an evening run (I used to hate this idea coz running after a day's work is not constructive: It accelerates my rate of physical "wear and tear"). But I did it. What more?

Saturdays are days when I make it an effort to catch up on my deprived sleep hours. No more dependence on what? Eye serums? In fact, it only makes your eye bags darker overtime. The ideology is the same with say, gym. One can run on treadmills, eat protein and do lots of weights. But the results are unsustainable should there be an interrupt or discontinuance. Sometimes, natural methods are more effective. Not "most". I'm saying "more".

I revived my love for arts. Last sunday after work at a Church, I rushed to watch Chicago with Qing. Not sure if you read my FB but it was splendid. 

1) The venue was an experience itself. First time in Esplanade. Woohoo!

2) The cast were artistes. 5/5 for Acoustics. 5/5 for right notes sung. 6/5 for their dance moves.

3) There was this part when there was silver confetti showered down unto the stage when "Razzle Dazzle". the lights made it glittered like shattered rainbows.. aww.. that's a heart-melting sight.

4) I'm so so sO SO SO SO glad I went with the best accompany, Qing! She's kept saying the feeling was different and delighted she could see the actors and actresses' facial expressions since we were seated near the stage. Glad the tickets were worth it la!

With goods came a few imperfections: 

i) Certain characters fell alittle bit off my expectation since I watched the musical once while I was in secondary 1. Let's see.. for example, Billy Flinch's role wasn't played very composedly. My favourite song "Both reach for the gun" you don't really get the anxiousness and let-loose feeling.

ii) Mr Amos was played by a huge-frame guy. "Cellopane" don't really make his actions. Haha.

iii) The sizzling feeling was lacking.

But nonetheless, it was good. Mary Sunshine (played by a male) was good. Gosh, he hit the "soprano" notes of "There's a little goodness in all of us" nice and beyond. Awesome!

Passed Chicago, I went for my second arty-funky experience with Clara! She never fails to dress up to the occasion. Like Rainne Yang who can be a superstar who does candid acts, likewise the same with her la. Spare her opening "grumpiness" (shh! due to her PMS), it was real pleasant going out with her. And yup, been contributing alot of $$ to sistic this month. Wasn't rush this time. Weren't late. Thank goodness. The theater was nice. First time at the Drama Centre. I must say, it was a refreshing encounter. It requires you to pass this bridge, feels as though we are boarding a plane. Haha.

And a flight experience it was. The "Animal Farm" was damn spectacular! The horses! The way the actor and Yeo Yenn Yenn neighed, trotted. Unbelievably resemblance to real horses. If scientists need a prototype of a horse-evolved-to-man, this is it. The dog, shaking as it sticks out his tongue.. well of course, there might be some others who probably went because of the semi-naked cast. Mohan, your favourite actor Lim Yu Beng was in it too! He seemed to be have been working out huh.

Clara said it's amazing. WildRice actually narrated the entire story in an hour plus. The old major's speech was memorised word for word. Verified this after I researched and read the first chapter online. What's more? I enjoyed the audience-engagements. Treating us as sheeps, asking us to read the amended commandment "Four legs good. Two legs bad" after them. Passing a basket of apples at the front row.

The gees of the play wasn't the comedian acts, arts appreciation. What's not to be forgotten was the lessons drawn from the story. Similar to what a taxi-driver shared with me. Regardless, people, animals alike in this case, are inevitably entangled with "power", "pleasure" and "money". Notwithstanding the fact that the nature of the characters were written to resemble generic personalities of humans, I guess the need for leadership (which derives power) is imperative for any community. The pigs "traded" (be it cash or non-physical cash exchanged) in order to satisfy our needs and wants. haha, ok, sounds very economics.

The need to seek directions to live further lead to the thought: All man or living things seek something to worship. Gabriel had shared this over our conversation. I couldn't agree more. Be it an embodiment of security from religion, belief, fun, we are all in need of something to serve us guidance.

It seems the partners who went to the musical and play with me were pretty meticulous. Qing noticed and pointed out to me, the drummer held the drum sticks the traditional way, like mine while I was in band. Clara on the other hand, could remember "Squealer" when I thought I recalled the name to be "Squeker" which probably come form the high-pitched squeaks it makes all the time. Paiseh..

Said and enough said. I can safely say, weekends are clearing. As far as I expected it to be. Life ain't that much of a one-way street ley.. look left, there's no deadlines from school projects or worries over an exam when I turn towards a corner. Look right, there's no sight of a dead-end path, or barriers from work assignments. Yeah, it's May! And yes, people.. queue up to ask me out!

Pictures (in order of appearence):
> 2.bp.blogspot.com 

> www.dosomethingdifferent.com

> www.aircanadavacations.com

> www.bristol247.com

> http://trcs.wikispaces.com/file/view/george-orwell-2.jpg/66799371/george-orwell-2.jpg> Alivenotdead.com
> http://www.hipartgallery.com/artists/ShepardFairey/animal.jpg

De one with Dreams

Decide what I wana be

"Professions" from thespringerlebaker.com

 

Like happiness at some moment in time, I believe we never missed considering what we wana or inspire or ambition to be. At a tender age, I picked up a color pencil and my hand told me I wanna draw. Sent for art lessons, got praised in school for having a talent in drawing. Went for competitions, didn't win much but guess my works possessed some charm to be captivated as display on noticeboards. Everybody who knew this "gift" in me pursued me to become an artist. Ironically, it had never occur to me I wanted to be one.

I used to hate professionals. I recall passing this kids-go-on-stage event. Vividly while the contents remain intact. There was this boy, taller and bigger in size than me, standing next to the MC. The MC asked "Tell us, what do you hope to be when you grow up". "A lawyer!", replied the boy with a snobbish tone. Back then, I thought "what's so great about being a lawyer?". Despise would be the appropriate description of how I felt back then. Was being rather defensive. My most-respected ambition was to grow up to become a teacher. It appears teachers then, were the only external figures we have contact with with authority and hands full of teaching materials, transparencies, marker pen, multi-colored chalks and knowledge.

It wasn't until later did the evils of logic which eroded this inspiration. We realised the importance of wealth, justice and finally, self-passion, that we started moulding our dream jobs towards fulfilling these attributes. Through my 24 years, considerations were given to fireman (after watching ladder 49), lawyer (after watching Lucy Liu on Ally Mcbeal), police investigator (having watched Hongkong dramas), drummer on tour (post-spectaculated Yamato Wadaiko), pornstar boy (not because of obscenity. It's a plain crazy ideal). Silly as it sounds but looking back, it's the innocence which lives in all of us. A little dimension stolen from the daunting and stagnant nature of pragmatism.

I ever considered being a knight or "fu ma" (young master). With age and maturity only did I learnt these were positions not earned but entitled. Since we are at this, I was washing my spoon the other evening. The shiny surface of the useful eating tool strike a match in my mind. In modern time, we are born with a silver spoon in our mouths. Not pure silver since pure metals are too malleable and easily broken. We have aluminum and pewter which are shiny too. The million dollar question is, are we that poor? Does the idiom "born with a silver spoon" mean anything?

And look! Where am I at? Haha.. drowning in the joys and tears of audit. Woot!

De one with Lost in the Desert

Reflective and questioning

Just as I was about to give up, someone pushes me up again. Can't help feeling "helpless" like Bella Swan from Twilight saga. No idea what I'm driving at? Here's a clue! My colleague described my situation under "contemplation". Don't think I was clear enough. Hack la.. I was going to quit.

Indecisive whether God works his wonder or pure coincidence in due course, Reb said she had an intuition an hour or so before she knew I'd been approaching her to break the news. Which I did eventually. And her reply was "we talk again". We revisited the matter again and she asked me to head back to think again. Hence, this blog entry.

Confess and admit plainly, the workload was part of the reason. With relationship out of the way, I had failed to juggle work and studies as much as I thought I could. This was unforgivably bad. Yes, over-expectations drown myself into greater pressure and disappointment. My targets were set above average given it was my last semester in school and I'm bestowed ever more responsibilities. Obviously, I find myself bending over backwards to meet these goals. "Tire-ness" claims the other half. Sounds clinche but nevertheless true. I feel tied down.. lost of control of my schedules and priorities. It sucks cause I feel messed up and drained both mentally and physically.

For some, they would impose their comments: "We get tired from everything else, we just gotta suck up to it and better learn how to manage it. Either through effective time management. Or adopt optimistic attitude." Precisely so, we ought to take a break. To re-boot ourselves, see things with a clearer mind and strategise an enhanced effective course of action. Not forgetting, for rejuvenation to jump the next hurdle that's gonna come. Else, facing the problem with a stubborn and persistent head-on, it's a question of now or later that we're just gonna coop up like a packet of popcorn under prolong heating in an microwave oven, which explodes eventually.

This time, I fell hard and lagged in picking myself up again. Good or bad? Let's just leave the evaluation aside. It doesn't matter anymore. What's the point of deciphering the pros and cons? More importantly, realise it is okay to leave situation as it is. No point crying or landing ourselves into a panicky state over spilled milked. Just let it dry under the sun and have nature takes its course. Would you disagree?

De one with Crossroads

Exhaustingly confused

*Takes a deep breathe*

Guys, mdms, I can't help but to admit.. I'm facing quarter-life crisis. If I were to pen down my feelings figuratively, I'm like a tattered flag that's blowing with whichever winds approached.

As true as perceived, all these chaotic emotions that I'm facing sucks. And it sux big time. Physically, I feel drained. It's continuous war-world in my head. Dragged myself to occasions and activities. There's so much I wished I could do but it just all seemed bleak.

Fair enough, I bet everyone is experiencing likewise. Then some crappy wise one would offer "philosophical words of wisdom": Everyone goes through the same thing or only the tough last.. Tell me about it. 

A moment of desperation to understand my dreadful situation, a kind friend loaned me this book: Rules of Life. Therein lies a rule which says: Accept things for what they are. First impression formed will skew towards "live and let live". But deeper thoughts reveal it also means "It's ok to be not ok" (Teo, J, 2010).

Yes, I'm not ok. There's nothing I can do about it at the moment. Just driving aimlessly down this long stretched life road. I can see the crossroads ahead. Perhaps that might help me get through this. No faith, just sheer surrender and embracing truth as it is.

Wish me luck!

De one with 4th Centennial

It's the 400th

Hey guys and girls! Time passes with godspeed before we know it, it's the 400th entry!

First and foremost, much as I wanted to keep my blog alive or seed this specially to those whom deserve my love, the recent tight schedules (back-to-back projects, heavy-assessment-weightage presentations, fast-paced work) have taken its toll upon me. Not only that, it's devoured my time with you, beloved friends and associates, family and my health.

Stumbled and fell a couple of times. Managed to pick myself up with much efforts but I supposed everything's so overwhelming I didn't handle myself very well. Hence, the lack of opportunities to update my blog. Most of the time, I had to tap on facebook to keep timely updates.

Regardless the above, I express my sincere and enormous gratitude to my supportive die-hard fans, best friends, friends, acquaintances for your encouraging texts, concerned msn's messages, responsive facebook comments, heart-warming calls, late night meetings and relentless requests to have dinner.

Trying hard and still trying to sort my life out. Pick up and lost some. But that's alright. On, up and forward! Stay tuned!!